The Douche Meter

I’m trying to say that the whole statement was quite stupid, but whatever.

Mate we are all Aussie’s that’s the beauty of our country! Regardless of race/culture we all stand under that flag (the union jack doesn’t count and personally i think the aboriginal flag should replace it but that’s another story) Now there are stereotypes in this country that as Australian’s we should be able to poke stick at but only if you can poke yourself back (does that make sense?). So when we see said stereotype in action is it not our duty as Australian’s to take the piss out of it?
I am Scottish descendant from the first fleet and Cane cutter from the South Sea Islands. Does that mean I am a white blackfella? No but I am deeply tied to this land and in many ways deeply tied to European/Australian culture.

Man, I knew I shouldn’t make broad sweeping statements about the entirety of Australia’s history if I wanted to see the topic up :stuck_out_tongue: at any rate you’ve stronger ties to this land than I do lol I’m just a first generation son of immigrants who has little ties to any of my cultural heritage, thus feeling at liberty to give absolutely everything a spray. That’s probably an Aussie thing right? :wink:

Now as for douche modifiers:

Cabriolet hypercars. Definitely even more pointless than the closed versions. Maximum douche modifiers. This also applies to that open top Maybach or whatever.

I have to add that douche doesn’t actually indicate how much I like or dislike a car. I dislike Mercedes for my own biased reasons. I think they’re douchey. I like Porsche, again for absurd readons. I think they’re even more douchey. I view Ferraris as a mixed bunch. I think they’re even douchier again.

Absolutely lol. I don’t get the whole we are this we are that bullshite. We are here we are Australian’s no matter where you came from or how long ago. I believe that people make a choice to come here they are not forced therefor the moment they make that choice to leave their home to come here and leave all that family/cultural history they have the right to be called Aussie’s. (Just don’t try to force someone culture away because you do not agree with it)

Ok no more race talking douche bag metering

RAT RODS! I love ratty rides and would love to build one one day, HOWEVER.

THIS IS A RAT ROD

Douche factor 5/10 as you need to want people to look at you to own one and you need to have the balls to say no I didn’t run out of money for the paint job I like it this way.

THIS IS A P.O.S

THIS IS JUST WRONG

AND THIS IS PATHETIC

If you deliberately paint your car to look like its sat for 40 years you are a 10/10 Douche bag

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Haha holy shit I did not know that was a thing.

A shame, if I were to ever become stupid rich I would get a brand new Rolls Royce done up in bondo and primer. I figure if they have over 400,000 paint color options, they should be able to meet my request.

I just looked at the list on the top, I completely forgot about truck nuts. I will say only one thing on the subject: If you feel the need to hang a pair of nuts from your bumper/towbar, You need a better truck!

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If I ever come into money, I’ll buy a used stretch limo and go Mad Max on it. No a Rolls, though. Likely a Lincoln Town Car.

Sometimes a used limo pops up on my local craigslist for just a couple thousand, like $4000 could get you a nice one easy

Agreed. Also, I just noticed a god-awful exterior visor on that thing. Why?
WHY?

This moves us to paint jobs. I love paint jobs, but… some are douche than others, depending largely on context.

I’m on phone atm so I can’t post examples, but I’ll get stuck into it later.

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Replicas of well-known cars from TV and Film: 9/10

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I can agree on that. +1 more point if it’s particularly poorly done. +2 points if the car is something rare or hard to find locally.

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Camry can be a “Douche-mobile” too…

For the record, I think that Camry is awesome and I’d proudly drive it! :smile_cat:

IMO, the driver makes the car a douche-mobile, rather than the inverse. The reason Mercedes-Benz et al. received such reputations is because people who have money tend to be laden with douche-traits, rather than the car’s themselves.

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But it’s a positive feedback loop. People are free to choose the car they like but that means they choose either because of douchiness, or despite it. The number of people that buy regardless of douchiness is what leads us to put things on a scale of how likely the owner is to be a douche.

Essentially we believe that the majority of people who own a performance Mercedes are douchey. That’s not pointing fingers at any particular individual, so that’s a convenient exit clause. It’s harder if you declare a douche score of 0, 10 or greater than 10. That leaves you no room for counterexamples.

Also in reply to the douche Camry (that’s hilarious), as @Awildgermanappears said, the degree of modifier depends on how seriously you take yourself. If you’re taking the piss at nobody else’s expense, that should be a negative douche modifier.

Okay, here’s some sample paint jobs. I’d like to see people try to assess how ‘douchey’ they are, in the full knowledge that this may be impossible. But it’d be interesting to see if people have opinions on it.

Pearlescent

Admittedly my favourite finish. This is probably the most extreme type of example (pearlescent finishes stock from the factory tend to be subtle), but I just love how the colours change depending on the angle. I most frequently see this finish on modified RX-7s, and it fairly screams LOOK AT ME. Which I do. Because it’s pretty. But still a +1 probably.

Metallic


I’m a bit confused as to the exact distinction between Metallic, Mica and Pearlescent (since mica particles are used in pearlescent paint…) But for our purposes I mean modified paint jobs with a bit of flavour, like the extra coarse graining above.

Of course, a lot of metallic paint types will come stock from the factory, usually for a bit extra. The problem is: if you have chips or dings the paint is impossible to match. I got a few stone chips on my bonnet and bumper from offroading (where no Civic should go), and rural highways, and none of the shops I’d take it to would even attempt anything. ‘Just put some nail polish on it to protect from rust’, they said. Hmph!

Matte

At least in Melbourne, most commonly seen, to varying degrees of quality, on M3s. Unfortunately, matte paint seems to be strongly positively correlated with douchey cars and douchey drivers, probably because some matte paintjob was featured in Hot4s or Street Auto or some underground car scene and now it’s all the rage (just like red-lipped rims were thanks to some riced up Integra a few years ago and I still see those rims these days). There’s few paintjobs douchier than a ghetto matte. If it’s gone on an M3, I’m going to assume the owner is a drug dealer, particularly for all those bright orange or dusky grey matte jobs I see on the front lawns of the dicky properties I see from Footscray to Broadmeadows. At least +2.

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For the examples provided:
Pearlescent gets +3 (+2 if factory)
Metallic gets +1
and Matte gets +3

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To me, this is what you look like if you have matte paint.

It just screams trying too hard to look cool.

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but what about wrap-up matte cars? i personally think that is way worse.

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I see plenty of those.

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So, if we’re discussing modifiers pertaining to variants of one type of modification, how many points is any particular kind of aftermarket wheel worth?

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Personally not a fan of pearlescent hover if subtle 0/10 as it can look nice 10/10 for the example given (again you need to want people to look at you, its hideously more expensive than a candy finish, and is usually applied to ricerish cars again the example given)

Metallic: again when subtle or on a speedboat 5/10 (need to want people to look at you) the example above is a 9/10 not quite as bad as the pearlescent.

Matte: when on a drag car 0/10 looks really cool…when on a ricer 10/10 for obvious reasons.

So my overall consensus is that all these paint jobs when done correctly and on the correct type of vehicle are not douchy however when taken to the extreme very doucy

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