Aitlan Motors is a super cool company and everyone loves them and they sell seventeen million cars every year. I will not elaborate.
The very first Aitlan, the original A-Series, reminds me of an early Saturn S-Series, especially with its bottom-breather nose and high-mounted headlights. However, unlike Saturn, Aitlan has managed to survive into the present day - and its more recent offerings actually look quite decent.
THE BEGINNING
THE CAR
The A-Series cars utilized a modern space frame chassis. The body panels were made entirely of plastic. The car had independent suspension, providing you with fun and exciting driving experience (haha low 50s drivability score go brrrrr). The car was praised for its spacious interior and comfortable seats. However the cars were notoriously unsafe and suffered from poor build quality and unreliable engines.
The A-Series sedan had three trim levels, the AS1.1, AS1.2 and AS1.3
The AS1.1 was a very basic car.
You had a cassette player and driver’s side mirror. It was equipped with trasnversely mounted 1.95L 8-valve SOHC engine, coupled to 5-speed manual transmission. The engine produced whopping 91 horsepower, but since the AS1.1 only weighted a tad over 1000 kilograms, it was enough to give the car a decent acceleration. However the fuel consumption was on the higher side. But still, the AS1.1 was still somewhat competitive as it only cost $7,300 (adjusted to inflation).
For those who wanted a bit more from their vehicle, there was the AS1.2.
Also equipped with a 1.95L SOHC engine, but this time with 16 valves. Most notable difference is the body colored bumpers, you also had a passenger side mirror. The AS1.2 came with hydraulic power steering. A 4-speed slushbox was available for free of charge, making the car popular amongst the elders. But since it only cost $900 more than the AS1.1, most people went with the AS1.2 anyway.
However, the AS1.3 was the most prestigious of all three.
This time equipped with 1.95L 16-valve DOHC engine, making whopping 116 horsepower. The AS1.3 was equipped with driver’s side airbag and ABS brakes. 15 inch alloy wheels, leather seats and automatic transmission was also standard. However, due to all the added weight, the AS1.3 wasn’t really any faster than the AS1.1. It was priced at a tad over $9,000 dollars.
A wagon variant was also offered in the same three trim levels, costing only $200 more than the sedans.
The wagons also came in three trim levels, AW1.1, AW1.2 and AW1.3. They suffered from higher fuel consumption and slightly slower acceleration, but on the other hand, you had a more cargo space and a more stable ride.
The A-Series was produced from 1990 to 1995.
Let’s talk about MINIVANS!
The American Dream! To own a minivan and a home in the suburbs. You take a vacation to the neighboring state once a year. And you bring the dog as well, becuase you have a big ass fucking minivan.
Aitlan ACT-Series
The Beginning
ACT stands for Aitlan Compact Transport. With a wheelbase of 2.8 meters, the ACT was quite compact! Despite it’s small wheelbase, the ACT-Series minivans had seven full size seats. You had double wishbone suspension in the front, and solid axle in the back. This setup maximized the cargo capacity and comfort. The unibody construction allowed for safer, and more car-like driving experience.
Only 4-speed shiftable automatic transmission was offered, as the vehicle was aimed towards families, who want to enjoy life. Obviously, if you have a manual you can’t enjoy life. Sorry, I don’t make the rules! Just like the A-Series, the ACT-Series was also rather unreliable vehicle. Yet it still somehow managed to have a production run of 16 years.
The Aitlan ACT-Series was also the first vehicle to have a hyphen in its name! So screw you, Kia Cee’d!
The joyrney starts with the 1995 ACT-1’1
Lovely off-white color. With the ACT-1’1 you don’t have to worry about door dings or scracthes since half of the car is just black plastic anyway! However, you did have power steering and ABS brakes as standard.
The ACT-1’1 came with the same 1.95L 16-valve DOHC engine, like the AS1.3. The engine was re-tuned for 1995, and this time the engineers at Aitlan managed to push out a whopping 120 horsepower. However, obviously the minivan weights more than a compact sedan, meaning the 0-62mph time was not that good. It takes the minivan whole 14.2 seconds to reach highway speeds.
The ACT-1’1 cost $9,900 (adjusted to inflation).
But since your family’s comfort was important to us (no it wasn’t), there was also the ACT-1’2!
Now, let’s face it, the ACT-1’1 buyers were poor fucks. And you don’t want to be associated with those! That’s why the ACT-1’2 comes with super cool two-tone paintjob, where the bottom half is white. You also got funky colors like purple, red and blue! No manufacturer has ever offered those colors previously.
The ACT-1’2 also used the same 1.95L 16-valve DOHC engine as the ACT-1’1. However, the ACT-1’2 came with better CD player, and dual front airbags. That meant, it weighted quite a lot more. And the added weight obviously meant even slower 0-62 time. This time taking whopping 15 seconds! Needless to say, the ACT-1’2 was criticized for its sluggish acceleration.
However, the ACT-1’2 had a sturdier feel to it. The sturdy feeling comes with a price, and in this case the price was $10,600.
However, if you really felt like burning money, you had the ACT-1’3.
The ACT-1’3 came with the Aitlan New Age V6, specifically developed for this vehicle. You had DOHC with 24 valves. This maximized the fuel economy, whilst still producing nearly 180 horsepower.
Not only that, but you also got leather seats, traction control and most importantly, faster acceleration. Thanks to the V6, the 0-62mph time was only 10.5 seconds. And due to the modern engine, the V6 minivan still managed to average over 25 miles to the gallon.
However all this technology wasn’t free. The ACT-1’03 cost over $13,300.
The First Facelift
The styling may have been modern in 1995, but by the 2000s it was already getting outdated. This left Aitlan with no choice, but to give the minivan a facelift.
And here we have it, the 2001 Aitlan ACT-Series. Truly one of the cars of all time.
This time the ACT-Series had an actual grille! The ACT-1’1 was replaced by the ACT-1’01, this time equipped with a 2.2L inline 4 engine, pushing out 162 horsepower. Modern VVT system was added for better fuel economy, the inline 4 was also much more reliable than the V6 engines.
More airbags were added, and traction control was now a standard feature. When it comes to features, the base model ACT-1’01 now has most of the features the older ACT-1’3 had.
The price slightly increased, the base model ACT-Series minivan now cost $14,000 (still adjusted to inflation).
But if the base model is already perfect, is there even any need for higher trims? Yes there is! We like money.
The ACT-1’02, equipped with a 2.9L Aitlan New Age V6. The larger engine obviously provided the car with larger amount of horsepower, 211 horses to be exact. This lowered the 0-62 mph time to 9.4 seconds, but also increased the fuel consumption. Not only that, the V6 was still rather unreliable.
So! You paid more and got a shittier car overall. What a steal! But hey, you’re paying for that sweet V6 roar! The ACT-1’02 could be yours for $15,500.
You know, these higher trim models are really those kind of cars that you own for three or five years and then trade them in a for a newer model. And the ACT-1’03 did follow that trend. With just as unreliable engine and even more fancy tech.
You could even get it in gray to show everyone how boring person you are.
With 221hp, the ACT-1’03 was starting to get fast. 0-62 miles in just 9.1 seconds, it was starting to be a bit of a sleeper. But just a little bit, not too much. The top-of-the-line model obviously came with the top-of-the-line satellite navigation system.
Despite the larger engine, the fuel consumption wasn’t atrocious. Only 24 miles to the gallon. The ACT-1’03 was priced at $18,800.
The Second Facelift
It’s now 2006, the ACT-Series minivans have ran for a good while. The reliability issues on the V6 engines are a wide known problem now. And with the V6 sales decreasing each year, the guys at Aitlan figured it was time for another facelift.
For its seconds facelift, the minivan saw some major changes. The car was given a meaner look, as well as front fog lights. The two-tone paintjob was abolished, as it was deemed outdated by 2006 standards.
The name was also updated, once again, the base model now being called ACT-1’11. The 2.2L 16 valve DOHC inline 4 was kept in the base model. The updated ACT-Series minivans have curtain, seat and knee airbags as standard. Satellite navigation has been made a standard feature as well.
The 2006 ACT-1’11 only cost $16,000.
But if you wanted something more, there was the ACT-1’12.
The ACT-1’12 also came with the same 2.2L inline 4 engine, but this time they slapped a turbo on it! Thanks to the turbo, the engine now manages to push out over 212 horsepower. Obviously, the turbo engine wasn’t as reliable as the N/A engine, but it was still miles better than the V6 engines.
The ACT-1’12 came with some cool voice activated stuff as well as a fancy touchscreen. After all it’s 2006, we have technology now!
And that’s pretty much all there is! The ACT-1’12 was around $21,000.
No third trim was ever introduced, as the demand for minivans experienced a decline while the preference for compact SUVs surged. The introduction of the Aitlan Peressal in 2008 further influenced consumer choices, leading to the ACT-Series finally being discontinued in early 2011.
It’s not Hilbert without a Minivan.
There’s something sexy in stuffing seven people in a car and then going for a 700 mile road trip without working A/C.
WELCOME TO THE SUV
The Aitlan Peressal, Comfort trim. An SUV! It’s called Comfort because it makes you think the car is comfortable. The perfect car for the modern family! It’s 2008, time for a finance crisis. What is money? It is only a tool. And with the tool called money, you could buy yourself a brand new SUV! Only for $14,700 (adjusted for inflation) you could get yourself a base model Aitlan Peressal.
Now, what does the base model offer? Good question. Short answer? A car. Long answer? A 2.2L inline 4 engine, producing 148 horsepower. The base model had a 6-speed manual transmission, but since Americans are stupid, most people went with the 5-speed automatic instead. The Peressal had, uhhh… Well it had a radio. And traction control as well, funky.
Moving on!
The Aitlan Peressal Premium. For those, who wanted something more. Something special! Well, tough luck. You got an Aitlan Peressal instead.
However, because your insecure ass couldn’t buy a base model, you got leather seats! 5-speed automatic transmission was standard, and uhhh… Yeah, that’s it. You did not get a whole lot of features. 0-100km/h in 10.5 seconds, 29,7 miles to the gallon (or 7.9L/100 km). Alloy wheels, I guess. I had some wine today. Or well, replace the word “some” with the word “a lot”, and the word “wine” with the word “vodka.” Yeah I am drunk.
Now! The Aitlan Peressal Luxury! It was not luxury. It’s safer, nicer, and more expensive than the other models. There are more than three trim levels, but quite frankly, I can’t be arsed to write about a mid trim SUV.
Now, the Peressal Luxury had cool voice activated features and shit like that. Cool safety systems, airbags and stuff, as well as ESC. The most luxurious Peressal known to a man, came with a V6 engine, sweet! So basically, you had a more expensive car with a shittier fuel consumption. What a steal! The car was a car, and it cost $20,200 (adjusted to inflation). Service costs were expensive, and uhhh… Yeah there really isn’t anything else to talk about. It’s an SUV, what the fuck are you expecting?
oki goodbye
if there are any spelling mistakes, it’s because I am drunk
'MURICA, FUCK YEAH!
Look at me! I’m an American! My idea of compact car is 16 feet long sedan with 10,7L V8. Because why the fuck not, amirite?
Anyway here’s a hatchback, the 2016 Aitlan Qunity. Wheelbase? Long. Engine? Big. The base model had a 2.0L inline 4 making, *sighs* 148hp. Like a normal economy car does. The base model offered, uhhh… Automatic transmission, I guess. Some seats as well, maybe even a suspension if you got lucky.
The fuel consumption will make Europeans cry (haha those poor bastards) Whopping 32 miles to the gallon, or 7.2L/100km if you don’t speak Freedom!
Anyway! Since we’re in America, every economy car needs a V6 version! Why? God knows. So here it is! 2.5L V6 crammed in a small hatchback. Pushing out nearly 200hp to the front wheels. Is it reliable? No, but it’s American.
By buying the super cool front wheel drive V6 hatchback, you also get leather seats, safety and uhhh… Drivability, yeah. There’s also couple of more engine choices, such as 2.2L inline 4. It had some features and stuff. Anyway I just wanted to show you my cool hatchback.
thnak
WHAT IS CAR DESIGN???
Wait a minute… THAT’S NOT A TOYOTA! IT’S A CHEVROLET EQUINOX!! Almost as if American car design is a joke.
Anyway here’s the brand new Nissan— I mean, the 2023 Aitlan Senity. Like a true Japa— I mean, uh, like a true American car, it has a turbocharged 1.0 3 cylinder engine producing 113 horses. All to the front wheels. God bless America! All it needs is a CVT and we have a peak driving machine.
But no, I’m not that cruel. It has a wonderful 6-speed automatic transmission! Woo! What a MACHINE! Machine with a capital C! A Cachine. Or MaChine. I don’t know. It’s 1pm, let’s do some day drinking!
God bless day drinking.
Wait shit I was supposed to talk about the car.
Yeah, uhhhh… FWD, 6-speed automatic transmission, turbocharged 1.0 3-cyl engine. $18,000.
Moving on!
We are now MOVING ON
1.5L inline 3.
Here’s a picture of a car.
Man that’s a shitty picture.
Look at all the chrome.
160 horsepower. What a MACHINE.
CHROME
Ç̸̡̡̢̢̡̨̛̦̯̰̘̗̰̦̫̺͔̖̦̭͙̮̲̦̪̖͙͇̣̬̫̱̜͚̳̙͉͎͍̪͐̌̎̓̏̍̀̓͂̐̈́̚̚͠͝͝H̶̨̨̬̙̫̤̠͍͓͇̝̟̩͉̫̬͔̟͔̻̮̓̑̿̒̔̉́́͐̃͋̐̆̉̾͊͌͑͌̿̈̒͂͊́̈́͐͛͑̓͆͒̏̈́̑̎̈́̾̍̀̈́̏̒̈́̈́́̚͜͝͝͝Ŗ̷̡̡̢̢̛̥̰̩͓̙̠͔̲̮̯̣̙̫̖̠̺̜͓̤̦͎͍̱̼͇̖̠̩̖̱̘́͂̐̊̎̅̈̋̿̈́̐̆̃̄͋̆̔͊̉̃̂̑̒̐̀̓͂̾̐̄͒̓̽̍͒́̉̚̕͘͜͜͝͝O̶̡̨̡̢̟̩͙̥̠̥̟̣̟͓̙̻̟̜̗̬͇̭͚̦̳͙̺̖͓̼̤͎̼͖͓̰͍̺̜̜̼͇̗̣̩̠̙̐̈́̈́̿͂̈́̎̄̀̾͂̈́̾͐͒̏̐̄́̓̾͗̀͗́̋̀͘̕͝ͅM̷̢̻͙̞̫̜̜̳̮͕̲͉͚̔̍́͐̿̈́͆̔͌̔̌̔̊̌̾̅̾̀́̍͐͐̀͘͘̚͝͠Ę̵̛̖̼̞͓̰͙͕̏̿́͛́̋̃̽̚̕̕
AND ALLLOY WHEELS
A̴̟̲͍̜̟͕̻̐Ļ̶̧̍̑̍͛͜͠Ļ̵̯͔̟̩͎̹̈́́̽̕O̵̠̖̍̋͒̄̐̋̽͝Ẏ̵̡͖͔͈͍̘͍͓̕
ACCELERATION TIME
FAST
DRIVE CAR
Ḑ̵̧̪̞̮̘͓̪̘̻̳͚̙̮̘̘̼͎̙͎̝̞̖͔̩͈͔̳̯̩̣̖̪͖̫̆̈́́̌̈͌́̈́̒̈͋̃̎ͅR̸̨̧̠̦̠͚͚͎͎̙̩̖̬̪̮̠͍̫̲͉̳̩͕̩̘̣͇͍̬̞̠̝͉̬͉̲̘̼͖̝̞̲͔̃̓̎̎̕͜ͅͅḮ̴̧̨̛̭̠̳͚̠̫͇̥̲̻̗̠̮̲͔͈̦̲̼̮͉̤̩͙̼̼́̇̈̀͐̈́̑̈́̀̓͋͋̆̂̑̓͋͗̈́̿̃́̓͛̋̀͊̑̀̂̈̄̒̇͐̉̊͊̈̕͘͜͝͠ͅͅV̸̢̨̛͓̮͇̰̙̗̺͎͚̻̰̠͙̺̲͇̰̝̱͙̼̫̜͕̜̹͙͙̦̌̉̓̍̽̅̉͐͐̅̉̌̇̋̿̈̽̀̏̀̈́̚͝͝͠͠ͅĖ̸̡͖̤̖̱͙͈̯͜ ̷̨̧̟̟̟̞͓̦̙̪̲̟͈̣͇͔̯̣̺̦̬̠̲̤̭͎̼͖̝̞̹͙̟̱̺̝̙͉͆͗͊̄̽͗͑̊̌͋̒̐͘͜C̷̡̨̧̛̟̰̪̰͉̘̹͈̠̞͉̯͖͇̼̖̱͖̙̗̘̰̞͆̍͒̏̀̎̀̏̇̽͘̚̕̕͠͠A̴̧̨̧̨̡̛̛͚̹̱̤̼̲͙̪̲̪̫͖͈̬̪̼͉͇̲̣̯̫̰̘͓̱̘̘̼̤̗͂̀̐̄̌̈̒̏̋̋͛̄̄̂͋̽͐̀͛͂̌̌͛͌̈̉̓̊̈̈́̐̒͐̽̔̚͘͘͘͜͝͝͝͠͝ͅŖ̵̧̱͓͈̼͙̤͚͕̥̦̮̬͕͖̩͔̜̭̬͙͙̥̥̖̈́̈̎̓̓̂͗̎̎̐͒͋͂̓̈́͆̑̉̀̆̽̀̎̍̾͛̾̋͊́̀̍̊̓̕͜͠͠͝͠ ̷̧̧̺̟̱̖̻͉̙̱͎̬̘͉̮͇̩̗̠͖͓̫̺͚̼̟͉͍̭̝̲̟͖̩͉̰̩́̓̌̏̉̓̆̒̆̐̌̀͌̎͐͐͊͂̀̽͑̕͘̚͠ͅͅ
he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane he’s driving on a bicycle lane
drvuie car !!!
be good, buy aitlna
Hilbert trolling or not, this brand oozes of miserealism (a word I just invented, kneel before me) in a good way…
WOOO HERE WE GOOOOO!!!
THE MINIVAN IS BACK
I HAVE HAD WINE
omg guys look it’s the minivan.where is the air condition? hehe.
Literally most high quality hilbert pic
Shown is the 2015 facelift which literally just added that LED strip
Hell if I know anything about this car.
THE 2012-2018 AITLAN SOLLAIR
Fuck I have already changed the name like seventeen times. Give me your super good very fun minivan name ideas.
THERE IS AN ENGINE!!! WOOO!!!
It is 3L V6. This is the better model with cool features and big engines.
Such a fucking Japanese car.
I am making fun of my own cars so you guys can ancknowledge that I know their faults, but refuse to do anything to fix them.
And because it makes me cool
THE SUV IS DEAD!!!