Mercedes just wants to fly, maybe they should take up aeronautical pursuits.
2 Likes
Reviews: Part 3 (Utility)
To complete his shopping list, Harold made one last search
“GIANT LUXURY SUVS LIKE THOSE HIP HOPPERS HAVE”
There were even less results than the coupes this time, after all SUVs weren’t that commonplace. I mean, what are the chances in 15 years that they have such a huge surge in popularity that every manufacturer begins to kill every car in their lineup and replace them with SUVs, or even going as far to put iconic nameplates on them as well for no reason? That would be an absolute nightmare!
Raleigh XE-5 5.5 V8 Touring AWD
Harold’s first result of the coupes was the Raleigh XE-5. He was immediately taken by it’s really strong design, looking very elevated and muscular at the same time. Upon doing research, he found that it was less comfortable than expected, but it makes up for this by being easy to drive and was really safe.
Verdict
Quix 5Tonner 3.8 RTT
@Hilbert
Harold’s next result was the 5Tonner. He wasn’t really impressed by its design, feeling it lacked some detail and looked cheaper than it was. Upon looking for more info about it, he noticed there was too much rambling on about its safety features, which reflected in the consumer reports about it, which all called it horrible yet depressing to drive, as well as alot of complaints about reliability.
Verdict
BINNED
The design just looks too plasticy to feel very premium. Also there’s the fact that there is +15 techpool in the safety tab, giving it the highest safety by a (unnecessarily) large margin, but consequentially making it way too heavy, killing its drivability and sportiness. Additionally, dead last in reliability because that massive outlier was instabinned.
Valiant VSO Thunder
@mart1n2005
Harold’s next result was the VSO Thunder. He thought that this was just a search engine error bringing up an Aussie ute, but he was intrigued by it and looked into it regardless. He was surprised to find out that it was really fun to drive, and despite its high performance figures, he was surprised that it was very reliable. There’s also the bonus that Harold thought it looked so badass, but not in a cheesy way.
Verdict
Bergmann Matterhorn Clubsport V10 USDM Facelift
@Mikonp7
Harold’s next result was the Matterhorn. While not a terrible design, he thought that the front looked a bit squished, and that the whole car looked to boy racer for his taste. Looking into it more, he found that it had a weird drivetrain setup and that it was very uncomfortable, all for a very high price.
Verdict
BINNED
The front just looks too squished, with every feature looking too small for the kind of car it is. Choices such as an automanual and really stiff springs also hamper its comfort as well. And on top of all that, there is the extremely wack drivetrain setup of a relatively underpowered transverse 5 liter V10 driving up service costs as well.
Puck Krieger TRS
@the-chowi
Harold’s final result was the Porsche Cay- uhhh I mean the Puck Krieger. It looked way too familiar compared to a car he has seen before, but it didn’t look necessarily bad. After looking into it more, he saw that it made a mind blowing 562 horsepower, which he thought was way too much for a 2 ton SUV. Besides that, he found that it had decent drivability and comfort, but it was simply not enough being at the top of his budget.
Verdict
BINNED
Obviously, the design is nearly an exact replica of a Cayenne; while it doesn’t look half assed, I can’t give it full points for originality. Most of it stats seem average to decent at best, but there are just better options at for a lower price. And most importantly, 562 horsepower is just too much for an SUV from this era.
Semifinalists:
@donutsnail
@Lanson
@Ludvig
@vero94773
@66mazda
@Arn38fr
@EnCR
@Falling_Comet & @Est_Nbmstr
@GetWrekt01 & @ACoolCrab
@HybridTronny & @yurimacs
@karhgath
@Lurka
@S_U_C_C_U_L_E_N_T
@BannedByAndroid
@mart1n2005
21 Likes
Well, I suppose safety isn’t that important since Harold is old and he’s going to die anyways.
3 Likes
He may be in his twilight years, but his son definitely isn’t, and both of them want to appreciate every last day they get to live.
To be fair, few (if any) contemporary SUVs had an automated (sequential) manual gearbox as an option. None of those had a transversely mounted V10, though.
And regarding the Quix: +15 techpool in safety (or anywhere else, for that matter) is hugely unrealistic, even though there are no tech pool limits in any area.
1 Like
since I have the final results planned out already, I figured it would be pointless to waste my or your time with more write-ups so here they are
If you have any questions about the results, just let me know
Harold narrowed his options down to 15 different cars. They all tempted him in some way buy in the end, only one would be his choice until the day he dies.
He chose 10 of them to schedule test drives for. They all had their own strengths and weaknesses, but in the end, there was only one that spoke to him the most.
As soon as he turned on the ignition to his new car and drove off the lot, he put a huge smile on his face as he experiences the wonders of modern technology; finally gone are the days of a slow 80s shitbox!
The next day, Harold packed his golfing bag in his new car to engage in his favorite hobby of golfing, and as he arrives, he says: “Time to score a CSR 152 - Hole in One. (2023)”
Results
Congratulations to @Falling_Comet and @Est_Nbmstr! Harold is plenty satisfied with his new Aisare ES-36.
- @Falling_Comet & @Est_Nbmstr - Aisare ES-36
- @donutsnail - Voncil Boattail
- @S_U_C_C_U_L_E_N_T - Hinode Mahkota
- @vero94773 - Mastriota 500S
- @karhgath - Wolfe E480
- @BannedByAndroid - Raleigh XE-5
- @66mazda - Kaizen FC32
- @Ludvig - Swanson 437PO
- @EnCR - AMB SE400
- @HybridTronny & @yurimacs - Quaglia La Diosa
29 Likes
Thank you for a quick and still hilarious turnaround!
3 Likes
Thank you for such an excellent rounds, especially the bins round were super entertaining. However I have decided to pass down to the 2nd best winner @donutsnail , congrats lol
9 Likes
Love the burning car in the background of the winner’s photo lmao.
Great round, hilarious bins and writeup in general, had a good amount of fun after returning from my hiatus. Congrats to my buddy @Falling_Comet for the win
10 Likes
Congratulations to @Falling_Comet and @Est_Nbmstr for taking a close but well-deserved win, and many thanks to @LS_Swapped_Rx-7 for hosting, as well as cutting straight to the chase at the very end with the final rankings! This was one of the best CSRs we’ve had in a while, and whoever hosts the next one has some big shoes to fill.
6 Likes
Thanks for the quick and entertaining round @LS_Swapped_Rx-7!
I will also defer hosting to @S_U_C_C_U_L_E_N_T and I will preemptively tag @vero94773 as well since the former has computer issues
6 Likes
Thanks to @LS_Swapped_Rx-7 for this round! Never change the way you do instabins!
My computer is fixed now and it runs great. However, I am still busy writing the long overdue reviews for JOC (it is about halfway done) so I will pass hosting on to @vero94773
7 Likes
thanks to @LS_Swapped_Rx-7 for a great round! the write-ups were great, came out super quick, definitely would enter again if you ever had the chance to host again.
as for hosting, i’m currently not really in a position to host (some IRL things + i’m working on getting the next ACDC off the ground), so I too will be passing the reins to @karhgath.
4 Likes
@karhgath has mentioned that he will not host on Discord, so I’ll gladly take the offer and host a round.
3 Likes
And it’s here!
2 Likes
You’re welcome, my mate.
Did you have that already written out or something 
I always prepare as early I can remember since I love to forget shit lol
Special Awards and Statistics
because I can
CSR Speedrun Any% Award
The absolute earliest submission probably done just for the hell of being the earliest was from…
doot
Who submitted exactly 2 hours and 1 minute after submissions opened.
Procrastination Award
The absolute latest submission was from…
ducethetruth
Who submitted exactly 2 hours and 2 minutes before submissions closed.
Zero Effort Design Award
The smallest .car file was…
TopSpeed’s komodo v10
At 28 kb/31 fixtures. You're absolutely shocked, huh?
Mikon Award
The car that disregarded the brief the most was…
ldub’s Edgewater Daytona
a full-on carbon fiber supercar that also has the unfortunate bonus of looking 35 years out of date. I actually felt more anger looking over it than this, and that says ALOT.
Maxminning Award
The car with the absolute worst single stat was…
The reliability of 04mmar’s s480 Blue Edition
This piece of shit has way too many problems to list, but this particular one takes the rusty crown, at a measly 47.7, hence why it is burning to a crisp. You cannot convince me that this was a mistake; the creator intentionally chose the worst possible options to, for lack of better words, maxmin the reliability.
Giga-Mega-Ultra-Colossal-Hyperfixiation Award
The car with a stat that is way too higher than others than necessary is…
AndiD’s Mara Kavaler
with a price of $18700. This was the one time a Mara being a pathetic cheap shitbox meant it was little more than a pathetic cheap shitbox, as it has very little qualities that help redeem it for being so underpriced.
Stone Age Technology Award
The car that used the least amount of techpool out of them all is…
vouge’s Convaier LTS
which used 47 (18 engine/29 car) out of 85 techpool points allowed. It could have been worse, but by not using all the techpool points, you’re just throwing away higher stats for no reason at all.
Power Difference
The difference in horsepower between the least and most powerful car is…
354 hp
between the 256 hp Quaglia La Diosa and 610 hp komodo v10. Too bad the latter was too shit to make the power actually worth it.
"The numbers Mason, what do they mean?" Award
The car with the most complex engine name is the…
Swanson 437PO
powered by the 37B6D4AlSi280-370-25. Harold would have died instantly if he was forced to read and memorize this.
Interior Type Count
For a round where they had zero impact, here is a tally up of each interior type:
No Interior: 9
Incomplete Interior: 14
Full Interior: 22
Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I just find it strange that despite most people hating making interiors, the highest percentage of them are complete.
24 Likes
just cuz we hate it doesnt mean we dont do it lmao
3 Likes