so the rest of the 8.33%???
1 Like
My car had a manual locker, iirc. Gotta go off-road to bury those bodies, right?
2 Likes
Mine is a geared LSD.
I may have made an error in the fun little stats there, as open and viscus should add up to 13 of the 15 if i recall correctly.
Still working on reviews. I have 7 of them done so far.
So another fun little stat for you all:
13.33% of entrants decided it wasn’t worth it to please the mechanic’s love of cross plane V8s.
7 Likes
12 down, 3 to go…
(plus pictures)
8 Likes
6.67% of entries were Front wheel drive only…
And over half of all entries had some form of catalytic converter on the exhaust. I sort of expected more to delete that, as it was not required by any rules or stats. But I know it may help the engine economy by keeping the exhaust restrictive.
3 Likes
Brain says If > 1974 = Cat.
It’s a habit, lol.
6 Likes
Catalytic just made sense to me as an American. Anything modern has to have one by regulatory standards, so it’s an automatic click if it’s available.
4 Likes
##Warning!
All reviews have been written “in character” Meaning, everything in the reviews is from the character perspectives. These reviews do not reflect my opinions, but rather those of the characters
##Warning! Strong Language
and my bad attemps at getting the characters to sound like gang members with the slang and slurs
Final Warning…
###Incoming Walls of text and pictures!
4 Likes
oh yes
OH YES
##OH YES
#OH YESSSSS
3 Likes
##Storm Mirage GE
@Madrias
Detroit, Michigan
The last week in October, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: The Storm Mirage GE costs $49,200 per vehicle, so my client could purchase 5 of these with $4,000 left to spare. Let’s hear what the representative for my client has to say.
REP: Yo! The first bach of cars came already! Damn, they’re early! Did they ship it by air or somethin? What’s this, a note?
You requested a V8, you’ve got some. The Boss probably won’t notice 5 of our 30 AluStar Prototypes going on a little adventure. By the time you’re reading this, I’ve already had the little forklift ‘accident’ with some crates and some scrapped engine blocks.
Good luck from Nevada,
L
REP: Oh shit, Mikee’s gonna love this! Check this out guys!
Gang:
It’s got leather seats Yo!
Fully adjustable with ass heaters too!
That’s some high-end stereo shit there! It even has Subwoofers!
Look at that dope wood trim!
Yo, its got a built in TV!
Man, those rims are a bit small tho. They chrome tho!
Damn, gave us some High-performance tires too!
Pop-up headlights? what is this?
It’s All Wheel Drive Man!
Let’s take them down the street!
REP: We drove these down past our… Um, …Unfriendly neighbors’ street, and they didn’t even bat an eye. It doesn’t make a statement, it’s just a tipical shit-box sedan look. But in black. So next we, um, accidentally agrivated the local fuzz. We handily got away without pulling any gun–er, ghetto tricks. It’s quite easy to drive too! It’s even got fricken flappy padles! Next we decided to see how many bricks we could fit in the trunk. It’s fora um, brick… wall-building business we run. We don’t have too many, but we estimated we could fit 589 bricks worth… Not that we’d carry that much stuff.
MECHANIC (Mikee): That’s a real nice engine she’s got! Six Liters of turbocharged American V8 with about 340hp! It’s a little on the quiet side though, great for covert ops. I like the modern AlSi construction and the fancy forged internals with DOHC heads!
It’s got Great brakes, maybe too great. The gang said it was always a firm stop when they were racing away from the cops! The fully clad undertray may come in handy, given these boys don’t break something for me to fix. The chassis is AHS Steel and the body is Corrosion Resistant Steel, so this car should hold up under Detroit’s winters.
But, it seems like the airflow is slightly restricted to the engine. That engine was running hotter than I’d like to see, but none of the cars failed us yet, and that’s probably due to the high-quality bottom end.
REP: With the money left in our budget ($800 per car), we could probably get some dope rims, or we could get some hydralics for like 3 of them.
BUISNESSMAN: My clients feel this is not the best they could have for the dollar amount.
Verdict: Hot Engine, cold body.
##Scarab SuperNova
@gridghost
Detroit, Michigan
The middle November, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: The Scarab SuperNova costs $35,700 per car for a total of 7 cars. That leaves my client with only $100 to spare, or $14.29 for each car. Now what does the representative have to say?
REP: Hey man! The second batch of cars came!
Big, beautiful and built to last.
REP: They say it’s built to last, so let’s see if my homeboys can break it!
Gang:
Looks better than the last one.
It’s got some nice leather!
Still only has 19s.
Look, a cd and cassette tape player
Where’s the Subs?
Damnit, this one doesn’t have a TV in it!
But, Damn! We could get SEVEN of these!
Another All wheel drive car!
Let’s see if the Gyps notice this!
REP: We drove past the Gyps, our… um neighbors, and they took a glance. They noticed, but didn’t care! So we decided to swing around the local police station. You shoulda seen the looks on their faces when we smashed their asses on the streets! They couldn’t keep up! So we stopped at our shop to load up on supplies, and damn! That trunk is big! We easily got 22 ak, er- 22 ak47 airsoft guns -yea- in that bitch!
Mikee: What the hell am I hearing? Is that a flat-plane? Well, I guess it’s still a V8. This one also has Dual Overhead Cams. And it’s a 7 liter stoker! That may put a bit of stress on the internals, but knowing it’s a stroker, it should have some goodies keeping it together… I’d hope.
With about 370hp this car flies like an arrow, especially with an AHS steel chassis and aluminum pannels for the hood, trunk, and doors. The gang also reported super strong brakes on these cars as well. But the suspension tuning is a cause for trouble. It’s factory set up with -3 degrees camber in the front, and that will eat tires alive.
REP: What the hell are we gonna do with less than $15 left per car in the budget? I got it! Them little tree air fresheners! Those are the shit!
BUISNESSMAN: My Clients feel this is a good compromize between the important stuff and total number of vehicles they can purchase.
Verdict: A future as bright as a Supernova!
##Bogliq Maverick Street Sport
@HighOctaneLove
Just outside the city limits
Detriot, Michigan
The last week in November, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: Here is the Bogliq Maverick Street Sport. It will cost $30,150 per vehicle, so you could purchase 8 of these. You would be left with $8,800 in your budget.
REP: What the hell is this! Did those mofos at Bog-lickers think we’d buy a used 10 year old car!?
BUISNESSMAN: It’s actually the 2001 model.
REP: Well, they can screw an ass! Where’s our old rides?
BUISNESSMAN: They were impunded.
REP: Well, shit! C’mon gang we got some cars to steal back! We’ll use the stupid blue Bog-lickers to get there.
Gang loads up the trunks on the Bogliq Mavericks
Gang:
C’mon man I can’t fit much more than like 16 ak’s in here!
But they got leather in here!
Yeah, and a cd and casette player!
Seems pretty average for a car that was lost for 10 years.
Laughter
Not as comfy as the last two were.
Still only 19s?
Is this thing even on? Yeah, maybe?
Let’s get our old crap back!
REP: What the hell! We couldn’t outrun a friking cop car! This thing was a turd, we had to use our spare firepower to get them off our tails until we could ditch these shitty blue things! Not to mention they stuck out like a giraffe escaped from the zoo… That just had it’s ass handed to it!
Mikee: These guys had a hell of a time trying to get the 8 cars back to my shop, and no surprize they only have about 270hp! But at least they were built to 2001 standards, solid axle and all.
But the engine does seem much more modern. A DOHC V8 built with Aluminum Alloys, and Direct Injection! But why couldn’t they get more power out of it? Maybe the engine wasn’t built with enough advanced technology? Who cares! I gotta get these out of here! I have a feeling they’re much hotter than I care to touch!
BUISNESSMAN: My clients feel this car was too underpowered and outdated for the task.
Verdict: An Average, but handsom, vehicle… If we went 10 years back into the past.
11 Likes
Well, I knew the Mirage was a gamble. Shame the gang couldn’t see the use in the split-folding headlight covers. You approach in those in the night, no one sees you till the shootin’ starts.
Still, was kinda the result I expected for putting a prototype engine into a car built long before the challenge for the company lore.
1 Like
The Enterprise has +/- the same power of the Boglic Maveric, so I don’t expect too much.
1 Like
##Solo Fleet PM
@thecarlover
Detroit, Michigan
The end of November, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: The Solo Fleet PM costs just $30,900 per car, so my client could purchase 8 of these and have $2,800 left over. Here’s a rep for my client for further inspection:
REP: Well this looks much more promising than the blue shit we had last. Hey fellas check this out!
Gang:
Shit, Man! That’s Niiicccceeee!
Twenty-ones! This mofuggas got 21s!
And their chrome!
Damn Good-looking car!
It’s got some nice leather seats!
Man this sounds better than the last car did!
Let’s go cruizin!
REP: So we went around to see the Gyps… our neighbors… and they saw us rollin! They hatin! We got da niiiiiccceee wheels now! Then we made some noise just to piss them off, ya know! And went racing past the fuzz. But, hell! The fuzz got different cars in Detroit, ya know, and they were on us like entire time! We only gots away cuz we had cherry bombs![Moltov]
Mikee: Now this is a nice little V8. It’s got DOHC, but no finicky Variable Lift crap. Simple VVT on an Naturally Aspirated engine with long-tube headers and sweet exhaust note! Unfortunately, with only 280hp, it’s barely cutting it.
The ladder chassis is AHS Steel, and the body has aluminum pannels for the doors, hood, and trunk lid. The open diff is concerning for winter driving with this RWD sedan… And the brakes seem to be under quite some strain to get this boat to stop, but there is no brake fade! The adaptive dampers and semi-active sway bars are an interesting touch.
REP: With about $350 per vehicle left, we could probably get Mikee to work his magic and improve the power.
BUISNESSMAN: My clients feel this is a great contender, only let down by barely-adequate performance.
Verdict: Floating in a boat, not a worry in the world… except the colored lights.
##Freccia Customs GoodGuys
@F17Francesco
Just outside the city limits.
Detroit, Michigan
The last week in November, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: My client wanted all you representatives out here to run an, errand of sorts. So, I give you these cars, the Freccia Customs GoodGuys, to take car of those errands with.
The cars would cost $49,200 each, so you could get all 5 of the special models Freccia Customs has built.
REP: OH SHIT! WE HIT THE JACKPOT BOYS! This is THE BEST old school MothoF*cking car we’ve seen!
Fully handcrafted for special clients
REP: Sheeett! They done out-done themselves now!
Gang:
Chrome 21s!
Shit man! They fully adjstable ass heaters in here!
Hell, this is good leather!
Waaaa! A built in TV and LCD screen with trippin functions!
Hoo, shit N*gga! They got subs in em!
It says its the UltraBass Sound System.
Yo, you got that cd man? Play somma it!
How bout, Livin it up!
The gang is seen rolling into the city with Living It Up by Ja Rule playing out of the sound sysem
REP: We Drove those streets, cuz we was kings in those cars! Everybody and their sister came out to take a looksie! We got to the gun stor- air soft gun store -and loaded up the trunk. We got about 27 of them f*ckers in there! Then we started our run, and it was glorious shit man! We outran everyone! But that shit was the hardest thing to drive! We would gun it, then wait until it felt like moving… and Wham! We’d be spinning all over the road! Then we’d hit the rev limiter and it’d be trying to pull even harder! That shit was scary!
Mikee: These guys told me these Freccia Customs were powerful, and they were right! Nearly 625hp out of a 10.8 Liter DOHC V8. It was running twin turbos to get that amount of power.
But I don’t understand some of the decisions made. Why would a customs shop use Journal bearings for turbos in the 21st century? I took a look into the “pulling beyond the rev limiter problem” and I realized: The rev limiter wac cutting off the power! Why would a customs shop build an engine like that? If they were running into durability problems, why couldn’t they have put better parts in, or toned down the power a bit? And why not install electronic stability control for all that horsepower? Or even a simple limited slip differential?
I found the aluminum body choice interesting and unique, as much as using double wishbone suspension in the rear as well. I feel using the double wishbone in the rear has sacrificed the carrying capacity too much for this large of a body just to help it corner.
But on the positive, it does have a decent airbag setup (for the suspension). It’s got good sports tires as well as a nicely set-up brake system.
BUSINESSMAN: My client feels this is a nice package, with some rather odd corner-cutting.
Verdict: Wild ride, questionable Customs.
##Smooth Infinity
@AirJordan
Detroit, Michigan
The first week in November, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: The Smooth Infinity comes at a cost of $61,950 per car, so my client could purchase 4 with his budgeted amount. Here’s the representative for more:
So you wanna’be a player, but your wheels ain’t fly…
…you’ve gotta hit us up, to get the Smooth ride.
REP: Yo, is their marketing team a bunch of rap’n hip-hop artists, cuz that flya we got was Smooth… Man, now they’a makin me look stupid!
Gang:
Ho, shieeet! We da mobstas now!
They gave us All Wheel Drive too!
Damn man, let’s roll one in this bitch!
Sweet Mother of Dope! This ride is DOPE!
Get them butt massagers going! Cuz my ass needs a good relaxing…
The Gang goes on to smoke-out inside the Smooth Infinity…
REP: Yeah, man. You see, this ride is sooo smooth… Easily, this shit… the most comfortable thing we’ve rolled one in yet… So easy to drive… DAMN! Did 105 mph without realizing it, but I thought I saw a blur of red and blue somewhere… They gone now!
Later after everyone starts comming to the senses…
REP: Alright, we had to move some cargo with these, but we could only fit a little more than 500, er, bricks in the trunk. I think that’s less than the other cars we’ve tested… Except the Supernova.
Mikee: I see the gang had a Smooth Joint… I’ll leave my humor for later, But the overall build quality of the cars was very good, especially the lights, door handles, trim pieces, those sorts of things. They even used a MultiLink rear suspension and an all aluminum body. Quality stuff here! They even gave me a naturally aspirated modern OHV V8 to take care of too! With nice use of AlSi materials, a literally bullet-proof bottom end. I’m serious, I think I found a bullet stuck to the crankshaft! It also has Direct Injection, the new fancy stuff, with high quality components.
These cars ride on Magnesium rims with high performance sports tires. The brakes seem adequate, and the suspension uses an Active setup tuned for comfort. But there doesn’t seem to be any undertray to protect the undercarage… That would explain the bullet…
REP: With the money left, we’d have $550 per vehicle. I’m not sure what we’d do to improve these… Maybe a built-in bong…
BUISNESSMAN: My client feel’s this is exactly what he’s looking for to represent the gang, but only being able to purchase 4 vehicle within the budget is a concern.
Verdict: So Smooth, it’s like the mist in the fog.
##Corona 2001 Custom
@Dorifto_Dorito
Detroit, Michigan
The first week in December, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: Here is the Corona 2001 Custom, a custom based on a 1945 chassis. It is $46,800 per car, so my client could purchase 5 of these. Representative, and the rest of the gang, my client has a special errand for you to run, and he wants you to test this batch of cars while doing so.
REP: Well, DAMN! Big G has gone old skool, NO, he’s gone fricken Classic on our asses! We get to use these - Old Skool Classics - to do shit with! Damn! Gotta get my pinstripe suit now boys!
BUSINESSMAN: My client has also supplied you with the necessary tools for the job. Check the trunks!
REP: Shit Man! Five tommys in each car! We even get the big-ass drum magazines!
Gang:
Damn, how we gonna fit the bodies- er, bags, in the trunk when we finished?
Yo, more Leather!
And ass heaters in the seats!
Not as nice as the Smooth was tho.
The Smooth’s got nothin on dis classy bitch!
We gonna Donk it then? Them rims a bit small…
No man, that shit’ll wreck the class!
Yo, don’t get the hood ordiment dirty!
REP: So we raced down them streets, carrying out Big G’s errands, and yo, everyone was scared ya know, of US! We was the REAL Classic Gangstas! Thes things was like point and shoot, ya know, just point where you wanna go, and they’d go there! We was even slowin down just to f*ck-off the fuzz, yo!
Mikee: These are some classy ladies here! Complete with supercar levels of high-tech! They got pushrod rear suspensions and aluminum bodies! The pushrod suspension may have cut into the trunk space quite a bit though.
The engine is, interestingly, a Cast Iron V8 with DOHC and nice bottom end components. 340ci with 310hp is pretty good for this Naturally Aspirated engine. Oooh, they used DI with a thorottle per cylinder! No wonder the gang had so much fun with the cops. The exhaust seems slightly restrictive though, but that also keeps it quiet.
The rims were of the standard Magnesium type, and the brakes seem sufficient. Wow, I’m glad they used a fully clad undertray! That probably saved the hydropneumatic suspension system from the bullets!
REP: Holy Shit! We’d get over $3k per car left! We could deck out the entire crew, and then some ladies…
BUISNESSMAN: These rides stood up to the riggers the gang has to deal with, so my client is pleased… if only there was more trunk space.
Verdict: Gunning down the street, Class is all we got.
11 Likes
##OMG Chromo
@one85db
(pictures for this one were done with regular background because I thought it would be too hard to see this particular vehicle with a black background)
In an abandoned parking garage somewhere on the deserted side of town.
Detroit, Michigan
The second week in December, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: My client was pleased with your performance last week, and this week 5 different batches of cars have arrived on the same day for testing. Naturally my client felt it necessary for you to use the special cars complete more of his errands.
REP: Well, shit man! Big G asks, we deliver! No exceptions unless you wanna be F*cked sideways while getting your scalp shaved by a crazy bitch with a friggin FOUR SIDED DAGGER!
So, what’d Big G want man?
BUISNESSMAN:
Hands paper to the representative
And here we walk to the vehicles your gang will be using for the task: The OMG Chromo. It is priced at $35,700 per vehicle, so my client could purchase 7 of these.
REP: WHAT. THE. LIVING. FCK. A Friggen Minivan! Who the hell is this OMG person! I otta slit their throat for even suggesting a powerful gang use a friggen VAN! Over My Guts is more like it!
So what the fuck do you want us to do to it!?
Gang:
F*ck-off Bitch!
It does have 6 seats! WE could host parties in these!
Regular Leather, only “premium” level of trim. This ain’t luxury son!
I mean, it has fake wood accents tho?
'Least it ain’t white!
Hold on a sec! This ain’t no high-end stereo shit! This is regular stereo shit!
Whadda hell we got a regular stereo for, don’t they know!
REP: Big G asks us to run an errand, and DAMNIT! We will run that errand! We took these vans out to pick up some… “special” packages that need to be dealt with. Along the way we needed to pick up some supplies for the next batch of errands as well, and the fugga fit it all! There was still room for partying even with our 50 aks and couple hostage- er, party goers! But, shit man, we hadda be careful cuz these things had no go! We was extra legal-lookin cuz these were pigs we was driving! …and we didn’t wanna embarase ourselves!
Mikee: The little V8s in the vans were cast iron with some good DOHC heads but, I think they were running choked. The exhaust is a single 2.50" pipe, so they were probably choking the V8s, but I think that was to keep the exhaust hot and the fuel mix lean. But, even the rev limiter seemed to be choking the engines. I bet they would have performed quite well, was I able to modify the rev limiter to allow the Naturally Aspirated engines to really scream!
The chassis and body were standard plain steel, but this van used a leaf-sprung rear suspension. That probably helped it haul anything you could throw in it. Interestingly, it had a geared lsd to help traction. The suspension setup, though, was not ideal. This van would be scary to drive fast, if it had the power, because it’s set up with some terminal oversteer. Actually, that’d be great for a drift van! I might need one of those.
BUISNESSMAN: My client feels these vans have the capacity, but not the velocity to be efficient.
Verdict: Moving people, not racing people.
##Gamma Enterprise - Chrome Version
@Nomade0013
In an abandoned parking garage somewhere on the deserted side of town.
Detroit, Michigan
The second week in December, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: My client’s second task is at hand for you and the gang. He wishes you to test the next vehicle in this task:
Hands a hand-written note from Big G to the representative
REP: Yo, this isn’t testing the car, this is torturing it! Hell, I’m In!
Gang:
Ooohhhh, shhhiiieeeetttt!!!
They done Fcked Up NOW!
Gamma, more like Gav-ma an ass whooping!
That’s why you don’t fck with Big G!
REP: Shit, boys! We gotta load of eight cars to torch!
The gang goes on to take out the 50 some odd AK-47s from the back of each of the OMG Chromos and light up the 8 Gamma Enterprises.
One gang member grabs two jerry cans from a Chromo and beckons to start laying it all over the bullet-riddled Enterprises.
Note from Big G
Use the toys from your previous adventure to playfully poke at the fleet of Gamma Enterprises. Show no mercy!
Let them know: If you dare try to double-cross me, well, it ain’t pretty, and it ain’t painless…
Note Big G sent to Gamma headquarters included with the bullet-ridden, burned-out remains of the 8 cars:
I asked for modern, 2001 models. You Fucked with the wrong Boss!
Verdict: Client wants a 2001 model, client gets a 2001 model.
##Bush Muammar
@Leonardo9613
In an abandoned parking garage somewhere on the deserted side of town.
Detrot, Michigan
The second week in December, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: With that taken care of, you are going to like the next vehicles you test.
The Bush Muammar! It is listed at a price of $61,350 per vehicle, so my client could purchase 4 of them. Representative, here is your task from my client:
Hands another paper to the representative.
REP: Hell! That’s the task? And the vehicle… Shiieeet! We done gone the Big Times!
Gang:
Yeah, man, we got’s good leather back massagers here!
Heated headrests even!
We baller now!
It’s A-W-D Man!
Yo, check out their flyer they sent us!
Just look at it. It’s massive.
No shit, Sherlock!
0-62 happens in 6.8s, in other words, just fast enough to lost the cops.
It better be better, cuz we doin more than just get lost with dem cops!
Let’s get this thing done!
REP: We loaded up them Bush Mumm… Muaum… Whateverthe Hell they’re called! Wit our, …uh, Pest- Pesticides, yeah! All 1,000 bricks of 'em per SUV! Then we went 'round the pens… and WHAM! Them pigs didn’t know nuthin hit 'em! But word got out, and we couldn’t shake em, we was pinned! We was fighting with everything we had to keep alive… Til, we went off-roadin!
Mikee: No undertray to save these ones. They took quite a beating! Not sure how the gang got out alive, because these suvs are Slow! Sure got a lot of torque, but there’s too much weight, even with the aluminum panels for things like doors and the hood.
The engine is part of the weight problem, cast iron Big Block! But it’s a modern OHV V8 with turbos, so nothing I can’t fix. Lot’s of torque though, good thing these come with every driver assist.
The Manual lockers, not the best idea, especially when the gang is in a hurry like earlier today. Last thing they need to do is stop to lock the diffs.
REP: We gots over 1k per ride for extras. We would definitely need some better power, or less weight, or better tires…
BUISNESSMAN: My client can’t have his crews dying, even if the vehicle is just about right.
Verdict: It’s Massive, like an Elephant.
##JHW Kronos
@JohnWaldock
Near an abandoned parking garage somewhere on the deserted side of town.
Detroit, Michigan
The second week in December, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: Well, yesterday’s job may have been scrapped, today is the chance to finish it. Here is the JHW Kronos which we can get at the special price of $54,150. This would allow for 4 vehicles to be purchased.
REP: Wadda we got here? A monster truck?
Gang:
Hell, man, we’d stick out like the paparazi!
Na, man, they wouldn’t expect it!
At least its got 20s
It’s also All wheel Drive man!
And Flappy paddles!
Shit! It’s got a third row!
Yeah, more than that van!
It’s got a better stereo than the van!
Now, how ah we gonna fit supplies in that?
REP: Now we loaded up, but we couldn’t fit quite as much as the Bush did. We had to leave those… supplies, behind. But when we was racin, it felt fasta! But the po-po still caught up, so we went off-road again! We even gotta change the wheel thing, cuz its electric! But we still had to shoot the po-po to keep them away.
Mikee: For a suburban / truck type, the Kronos had a nice touch of tech. Multi-link rear end, all aluminum body, but another cast iron DOHC V8. I’m sure with the budget they built it in, JHW could have used AlSi and shaved weight, but that’s not my call. The bottom end seems almost bullet-proof too, but the use of low-friction cast pistons, and cut-off redline cause me to wonder how much better it could have been. This was also one of the few Multi-Point EFI engines I’ve inspected, but why only a single exhaust pipe?
The brakes on this didn’t fade for the Gang, but they are extremely underwhelming! No wonder, JHW used some crappy economy brake pads on this! At least they used a fully clad undertray to protect the hydropneumatic suspension.
REP: Now we rolling in extra dough! Over 8k per vehicle! Mikee could make these Kronos things really go with that amount of dough!
BUISNESSMAN: My client feels this is too good a bargan, and the company cut out too much performance to make it so.
Verdict: Watch me in my white monster truck, watch me when I tear it all apart.
##Special Client Car (Ssshhh…)
@sillyducky
In an abandoned parking garage somewhere on the deserted side of town.
Detroit, Michigan
The second week in December, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: You made it back alright, good. My client does worry about his crews sometimes. But even better than that, he has one more task for you, since you took such good care of the last one.
Hands note to representative
REP: Wait, what? Yo, we do the testin first, then Mikee gets the car!
BUISNESSMAN: Well, my client is very concerned about the quick succession of shipments that were recieved literally on the same day, so he wants to make sure all the vehicles are up to standards.
Mikee: I’ve done a thorough inspection of this car. It was suspicious to the client, so I was payed well to make sure it was up to par.
It has failed my tests. One in particular, the standing engine economy test. All the engines in each vehicle sent must meet or exceed 24% efficency on this test. The, hmm, “Special Client Car Sssshhhhh…” -interesting name- only gets 18% on my test. Therefore it is not usable as a generator source for your, “cooking” and “camping” projects.
REP: Shit. Now what, Big G wants us to do the same we did to the Gamma Enterprise fleet?
BUISNESSMAN: Yes, my client has requested all non-conforming vehicles to be humiliated.
REP: Yo, shitheads! Time to humiliate the 8 “Special Client Cars”!
Machine gun fire echos off the concrete of the abandoned parking garage, as the Special Client Cars are reduced to Swiss cheese. The the gang goes on to throw gasoline all over the cars, igniting it and watching the fireworks display.
Note from Big G to the address the "Special Client Car"s all came from, along with the charred remains of the 8 cars:
You have insulted my face. I will hunt you down and burn all that is even remotely yours to the ground. You Fucked with the wrong Boss!
Verdict: Client has requirements, failing them is an act of war.
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I was going for incognito, but I guess these guys want to be noticed in their company cars. lol
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Of course, I always miss something… Well thanks for the challenge anyways!
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These are just the reviews, I assume we are also going to be scored, so it’s not over yet. 
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##Percheron
@koolkei
Detroit, Michigan
The fourth week in December, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: The next arrival is the Percheron. It is listed at $35,700 per vehicle, and my client could purchase 7 of these. Talk to the representative for more info.
REP: What is this? It looks quite plain, but its not.
Everyone Loves A Good Rear
REP: Tha hell kind of flyer is that? …Oh. Oooh! I gotchya, I gotchya!
Gang:
Regular leather seats, nothin new.
Yo, check out this stereo!
This one’s got tripin functions too!
And Subs Man!
Only 18s? Them rims small.
Yo, it’s got All Wheel Drive!
And Air Suspension!
REP: So we gave a visit to the Gyps, we drove past and they didn’t know better. These cars are quitet man! But the rear end is good lookin… Cuz that’s all dem copers saw when I went racing past em! I was flying man and they ain’t even touch me! We had even loaded these babys up wit about 19 Aks each just for fun yo!
Mikee: Now these were different than any vehicles I’ve seen so far that their boss is looking for. These have a glued aluminum unibody frame with a steel body that has aluminum doors, hood, and trunk lid. The lights and trim are good quality too, but what’s interesting is the engine.
They put some big 4.8L inline 6 engine in these things. AlSi construction with DOHC cams as I’d expected, and some nice direct injection system with a turbocharger.
I actually decided to test one myself just for the turbo’d inline 6. It’s good, but the brakes gave a slight hint of fade, and they seemed barely adequate… and the engine seems to run hot. Another vehicle that seems inadequately cooled. The temp gauge even sat near the edge after my testing.
REP: We’d only have $14.29 left per car after purchasing these, so i guess we could buy some plastic to give Mikee to make 'em run cooler.
BUISNESSMAN: My client feels this may be the investment he was looking for to improve the reputation of the gang.
Verdict: A single word name, a single word success.
##Awesomo 1000 Custom 8
@Der_Bayer
Detroit, Michigan
The fourth week in December, 2000…
BUISNESSMAN: To end this week, here is the Awesomo 1000 Custom 8. It can be purchased for $35,700 so my client could fit 7 of these in the fleet. Here’s the representative for more:
REP: Yo, Shit dude! It’s a mini-SUV!
Remember: there’s no better than Awesomo.
REP: We’ll see bout that!
Gang:
Yo, shit man, we be rubbin in on them Asian gangs with this!
Damn, its got some Tiny Ass rims!
This is decked out!
Ass massagers! TV! Sun roofs!
Yo man how we gonna fit all us in this tinny ass car?
Who cares man! We got Subs in here!
Yo, yo, yo, get the music pumpin!
gang start rolling with Livin’ It Up by Ja Rule flowing out of the speakers (again)
REP: We went rollin past the Gyps and they was like “wat-up motherf*ckers!” And we was like “Got these rides from the Who Chings!” But then we had ta floor it outa there, cuz the Gyps thought we done gone and killed all the Who Chings! But them tiny pieces of shit don’t move too fast! So we was whipping out dem 16 Aks we gots to fit in each and we was shooting for our lives Yo! But Big G knew! He sent a choppa to save our asses!
Mikee: Wow, these Awesomo 1000s, …or what’s left of them, have a glued aluminum chassis like the last cars did, but these bodies are all aluminum. Of course you got the typical McPherson strut front end with Torsion Beam rear end suspensions. Typical of the cheaper Indonesian market stuff. But the underside was well protected with a fully clad undertray. So that helped save some of the fancy active comfort suspension parts from bullets. But running -3 degrees camber in the rear is an interesting choice, and would definitely eat tires.
But that V8, wow is it ever small! It’s only 1 liter (61ci) in size! DOHC cams and advanced vvl and vvt make this naturally aspirated engine sing all the way to a healthy 95hp! And those tiny full-length headers are just so cute! What’s not cute is the over-powered brakes that still seem to fade easily! They’re solid disks front and drums rear, and the drums are using the cheapest brake lining I’ve ever seen, no wonder! The only other concern is lack of Traction control when it has abs and esc, that would be nice for the winters here.
REP: I’m not sure wad we do with only $14.29 left per mini SUV. Mikee says we could get better brake pads for the rear, tho.
BUSINESSMAN: My client is disappointed in the small package, as it is a disaster in evading the cops. Cops are bad for business he says.
Verdict: Tiny fun package, tiny power problem.
##Kingpin 6.3L
@ka24de
Detroit, Michigan
The fist week in January, 2001…
BUISNESSMAN: The final shipment of vehicles has arrived. These are the Kingpin 6.3L. They are marked at $41,550 per vehicle, so my client could purchase 6 of them. The representative will have more:
REP: Yo, check this shit out man! Super glossy paint! And Chrome 21s!
Damn, even the poster is sexy!
Gang:
This is nice leather.
Yo, it’s tear resistant to Mac-10s!
It’s got the “Off The Chain - Donk Bass” surround sound system!
Shit just got real!
That’s Dope! Just look at them reflections!
This is one classy mofo!
REP: So we was rollin round town with the bass kickin! And next thing you know, the po-po’s trying to write a ticket for disturbing the peace! We’re driving our dank cars around yo! So screw the cops! We sped off! But them cop car round here, they good! The could keep pace… sorta. We dropped a ton of gas and shot it to create the fire in the movies, ya know, and it friggen worked! Later, we had to move some stuff from storage, and we could fit it in the trunk ok. It was tight, but it fit.
Mikee: These cars were built with quality! The Corrosion resistant steel chassis to the steel with aluminum panel body. The chrome was crisp too. The RWD sedan had a hydropneumatic suspension tuned nicely, with a fully clad undertray to protect it.
Now the 383ci engine was a stroker kit with a standard forged bottom end, and DOHC heads. It is a naturally aspirated deal with some nice direct injection system and exhaust bypass valves. But there was no traction control. I though it was standard to have at least tc and abs by now, especially knowing winter is here.
REP: So, we’d have about $700 extra ($116 per car)… Hookers and coke anyone?
BUSINESSMAN: My client is very pleased with this offering. My client has stated he may be interested in one for himself… of course with a more powerful engine that’s designed to run on regular fuel.
Verdict: Boss favorite, chrome future.
#The Results!
Hype, hype, hype!
###DQ’d on Requrements
- Gamma Enterprise - Chrome Version by Nomade0013
Not the correct trim or engine variant year. - Special Client Car (Ssshhh…) by koolkei
Did not meet the 24% efficency rating on the engine.
###Not quite up to stuff
The entries that could not outrun the cops
(slower than 145.5 seconds on the Streets of Detroit)
- Awesomo 1000 Custom 8 =Der_Bayer
162.4 seconds - Bush Muammar =Leonardo9613
152.48 seconds - OMG Chromo =one85db
150.4 seconds - Bogliq Maverick Street Sport =highoctanelove
148.06 seconds - JHW Kronos =johnwaldock
147.56 seconds
#The Remaining 8
While adding up stats may work for a single car, this was a fleet order. As such, the sum of a single car’s stats was multiplied by a percentage directly related to the number of vehicles that could be ordered. The total purchasing price of all the cars was then divided by this Final Stat Score to get the Buck per Stat.
###8. Corona 2001 Custom
Dorifto_Dorito
$46,800 per vehicle, 5 vehicles
Final Score: 445.99
Buck per Stat: $524.68
While tied for highest drivability among the top 8, and most comfortable in the top 8, the limited trunk space really cut its chances down.
###7. Freccia Customs GoodGuys
f17francesco
$49,200 per vehicle, 5 vehicles
Final Score: 530.77
Buck per Stat: $463.48
With the lowest drivability score among all 15, the GoodGuys had all the right stuff to make up for it, including highest prestiege among all 15.
###6. Storm Mirage GE
madrias
$49,200 per Vehicle, 5 vehicles
Final Score: 540.37
Buck per Stat: $455.24
The first shipment recieved by the reviewers, these cars set the bar high to start off the challenge.
###5. Smooth Infinity
AirJordan
$61,950 per Vehicle, 4 vehicles
Final Score: 572.31
Buck per Stat: $432.98
Being the most expensive entry, the Smooth Infinity just goes to show an expensive vehicle with just the right combination of stats can be competative. Plus it was the fastest of the 15 entries!
###4. Percheron
koolkei
$35,700 per vehicle, 7 vehicles
Final Score: 579.53
**Buck per Stat: $431.21
Fun fact: the Percheron was the least reliable car that still qualified! And it got 4th place with an inline 6. Impressive.
###3. Scarab SuperNova
gridghost
$35,700 per vehicle, 7 vehicles
Final Score: 592.61
Buck per Stat: $421.70
A future as bright as a Supernova, and I wasn’t kidding. The second batch of cars to be delivered to the reviewers raised the bar even more.
###2. Kingpin 6.3L
KA24DE
$41,550 per vehicle, 6 vehilces
Final Score: 592.52
Buck per Stat: $420.75
The Kingpin made quite an impression, being the last car to arrive. Though not the top in any one stat, it had enough stats where it counted and landed itself second place!
The Client did decide to buy the 6 Kingpin 6.3L cars for himself.
##1. Solo Fleet PM
thecarlover
$30,900 per vehicle, 8 vehicles
Final Score: 634.63
Buck per Stat: $389.52
Blowing the competition away was the Solo Fleet PM! As, the client was searching for a fleet of vehicles, thse had enough vehicles with just the right combination of stats to pull it off easily. Though the engine was barely powerful enough, I’m sure Mikee could work his magic on it.
The Client bought the 8 Solo Fleet PMs for the gang. He is pleased with his purchase.
While 7 OMG Chromos were delivered for testing, only 5 were sent back. One of those 5 had the grand sum of $71,400 in cash stashed in the back. A note on top of the money read:
Payment for two (2) OMG Chromos, as I decided to use them in my little hobby.
-Mikee
###Miscelaneous Awards
Dirveable Couch - goes to the Awesomo 1000 Custom 8
-for getting the highest scores in drivability and comfort
Breakdown Queen - goes to the Gamma Enterprise - Chrome Version
-for being the least reliable vehicle
Crap-Tastic! - goes to the Special Client Car (Ssshhh…)
-for being the least comfortable, and cheapest vehicle
Soccer Mom - goes to the JHW Kromos
-for being the most practical vehicle
Mr. Handy Man - goes to the OMG Chromo
-for having the highest utility and average reliability scores
###Thanks to all of you who submitted a car for my Gangsta Car Challenge!
Here’s the official spreadsheet calculations if anyone wants to look.
claculations.zip (16.3 KB)
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