Italian Dreams: A Review Series

What IS this?

Glad you asked! You see, after “”""""“reviewing”"""""" CNC’s rather wonderful car, I’d thought I would actually try to do something worthwhile in terms of reviewing. I rather like creative writing and what better way than through being a cynical bastard to people who probably don’t deserve it, yeah?

How will it work?

First and foremost, I must confess that I have absolutely no clue what I’m really doing. I’ll probably need help to judge the cars well and to do it fairly. That being said, of course I will show bias towards specific kinds of cars, but that won’t stop me from at least trying others.

Also, I will be using Beam.NG Drive exporter for your cars (Specifically for the driving elements), so I highly recommend that you test your car in Beam first. If you do not have Beam, please tell me when you submit and try to do your best with the info that Automation gives you.

Regarding rules, here’s the main one;
Try to be at least somewhat serious and put some effort in the car.

Besides that, as long as you use common sense you should be fine. Yes, there are no technical restrictions to entering a car, they can be from any decade (1946 to future concepts), any size, any shape, any amount of performance. BUT (And I cannot stress this enough) please put some effort into your car and have it be somewhat reasonable for this series and context in mind.

Please feel free to DM me the car with this topic linked if you wish for me to review it, I will tell you if the car has some major flaws regarding reasonability, but I will only warn you once. After that, its fair game. Also, I may decline to review your car because either:

  • It doesn’t follow the one damn rule
  • You put absolutely to minimal effort into it, so I can’t really talk a lot about it
  • I just don’t find it interesting enough because I’m an ass
  • Something else

So what’s the context?

There isn’t really any lore other than the following:

  • I am reviewing, not a fictional character
  • I am in Italy (Okay I’m not REALLY there but just pretend I am) and lore-wise am receiving these cars for reviewing in Italy for driving around Italy (Beam’s Italy map should be good enough, I figure).
  • This takes place in the current time, but I am willing to review any age car
  • I am suspecting sportier cars but I may be surprised, that’s up to you
  • This is pretty much real life according to my knowledge, so your cars will be compared to real cars.
  • No, your car doesn’t have to be Italian, but it helps.

How will you review?

I personally review in the following format;

  1. I will state my “first impressions” of the car regarding the styling, engineering, experience obtaining it and general feel of the car.
  2. I will go on a short test drive through the village/city and see if I like how it is so far, if I don’t then I will not go past this point
  3. I will drive along the faster roads of Italy and try to push the car to its limits.
  4. If I LOVE it, I will do some more creative writing about it in a non-sensey way, to conclude the review.

Now, a few things to note, regarding this. Firstly, I really need to emphasize that I have no idea what I’m doing and as such I will probably say something fucking stupid at one point or another. Second, (And this has to do with the first part) I am using a simple XBone gamepad for NYOOMing around in Beam, so as such I cannot deliver as accurate information regarding driving as I would like to. That being said, I’m an eh driver so I will try not to be an utter dumbass with your car (Unless, you know, its fun as hell to do so).

Holy hell are you done talking yet?

No, sadly. I will be posting a “test” review later on of one of my own cars (hint; its small, modern and looks Italian!) to show what this will in entail (hopefully this week but keep in mind that I can fall into chasms of procrastination except I don’t have strop’s excuse of being good at this.

Also, quick note, I will be using stable branch for all of this, for the sake of compatibility/predictability. So please make sure your car works for the current stable branch!

Review List

List of reviews so far:
Review I It’s Trickie: Italian Dreams: A Review Series - #6 by Lava_Cake
Review II Let Slip the Dogs of War: Italian Dreams: A Review Series - #8 by Lava_Cake

Thanks for reading, we’ll see how much of a mess this is!


I have too many Italian cars now since I’ve been working on a company.

Should I go for full luxury?

The craziest one?

Something small and cute,

or big and elegant?

:thinking: :thinking: :thinking: :thinking: :thinking:


prepare for CSR95 recycling

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Jokes on you I’ve only gotten a CSR 96 entry (so far)
Also, regarding @SideswipeBL, I personally wouldn’t go for the small lad (Spoiler: My first test review is my own small lad sorry not sorry), but I’ll leave the others up to you.

Crazy one it is, then.

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Originally made for @BoostandEthanol’s current Sports City Car Challenge by your’s truly, the Trickie TZ is the sport trim of the Trickie city car. Made in Japan, the Trickie was actually designed by Italians. The Trickie can be compared to cars such as the current Fiat 500, Twingo and Up! What differentiates the Trickie is that its an absolute blast to drive, is adorable as can be (in my opinion, that is), and that it is surprisingly practical too.


Well this is gonna be weird, since I made it.

Design-wise, the Trickie TZ screams Italian-designed sporty city car. Things such as the front splitter, dual-tone paintjob and rather happy appearance make it clear what this car is meant to be. Speaking of the paintjob, I really think that the aqua and sand colors complement each other well, a chic design for a chic car. Even the badging is made to be as quirky as the rest of the styling. One more outstanding quirk is that this little guy has a side exhaust tip, as if it wasn’t weird enough. The only things I think it may need is some extra trim on the sides and just some more little bits of trim to wrap the whole thing together.

Regarding engineering and stats, based on my knowledge it seems reasonable enough. It has an adorable turbocharged 1L I4 sending 125 hp to the 185 mm front wheels, accelerating the Trickie to 0-60 mph in 8.1 seconds while getting a respectable 46 combined US MPG. The suspension is double wishbone all round mounted to an AHS steel monocoque chassis, but with slightly fancier adaptive dampers and active sway bars than the base trim for that extra sportiness. All in all, its a bit chubby at around 2400 lbs (AKA 1088 kgs). The interior is fairly cheap, not quite as nice its competitors but at least its usable.

Overall, it seems that the Trickie TZ has a promising first impression, I’m looking forward to cruising around in it.


The Trickie is squisher in dampening than you’d think, to make up for the rather uncomfortable interior, but otherwise performs just how you would expect it to on an everyday cruise. A bit understeery, but still light and nimble with plenty of power when it needs it. It is a joy to drive, hearing the little responsive I4 do its job well. Its a bit quieter than expected, too, considering its the sport trim.


Because I submitted this for Boost’s challenge, I’m already familiar with pushing this little guy to its limits. One really fun (and rather quirky) tidbit about this car is just how well it does with handbrake turns. Braking at the very last moment with the handbrake is insanely fun and easier than you’d think in this car, there’s something about the way it transfers it weight and holds a drift that really feels wonderful, and at times can actually be faster than the regular braking into corners. Its surprisingly quick in acceleration, considering its power and weight. Overall, the Trickie is nice even when pushed to the limits, and can feel faster than it actually is (Which is a win in my book).

Because of its small dimensions, the Trickie also has the benefit in Italy of being able to fly through alleys at speeds that it really shouldn’t be able to. There are few things that compare to finally being able to fly through a small street just barely wider than the car at 80 mp without losing important organs.


I remember local user MrChips once telling me that its better to drive a slow car fast than a fast car slow, and with this car I completely understand why. I’m an emotional person, so a car that can provoke a genuine sense of fun is probably the best thing I can get out of driving a car; that feeling of unfiltered tomfoolery that has existed in the decades of car technology up to this point. I truly think that ever since the automobile was invented, people were driving them like idiots and having a blast. So it is quite nice to see this new little smiley Japanese-Italian tile in the grand mosaic of giggle-inducing cars. If puppies were Automation cars, I’d imagine they’d look something like this.


Here are the .car files (Specifically the TZ trim I reviewed AND a bonus shitspec trim known as the TJ):

Car Files

Trickie - (37.4 KB)
Trickie - (40.6 KB)



First thing’s first, sorry about the absence in this thread, I’ve been working on other stuff like my CSR entry and such. The review should be coming in (hopefully) around a week, if less.

I have important news, however: I got a racing wheel so I can properly review these cars now. With the force feedback I should be able to tell what exactly each car is doing at all times regarding grip and such. I still am getting used to it, so I can’t drive as hard as I would with a controller, as of right now, but I can still drive decently enough.

I will leave the first test review as is, but every other review from now on should be a bit more detailed, presentable, and accurate.

I currently have two cars next on the list to review, so please feel free to submit yours sooner rather than later, considering I go by first come first serve.



Made by @yangx2, this absolutely bonkers thing was made for CSR 96, a CSR dedicated to obnoxiousness and prestige. And obnoxious and prestige this is, in quite possibly the best possible way. As soon as I opened the .car I knew this car would be special, and as soon as I started driving it (now with a an actual wheel) I knew it was gonna be bonkers. For a car that Yang hasn’t even tested in Beam, it drives surprisingly well and is quite a rush to experience. All in all, I greatly appreciate the effort that Yang has put in this, and I hope I can give it justice. Even if it doesn’t win CSR 96, it has already won it for me!

Enough of my gushing, lets get on to the review!




I personally believe that given the right conditions, competition can bring out the best creations out of people. Higher stakes require rarer creation. I truly think that in regards to Automation cars (In terms of looks), this 8^8 is one of the best supporting examples of my philosophy. Yang was presented with a challenge full of very solid competitors, and delivered, in design, something truly incredible. Whether or not the car would be made as good without the competitive incentive is unknown to me, but I feel like Yang would have made something great regardless.

As you may be able to guess, I really, really like the aesthetic design of this car. In fact, I think this car teaches a key lesson in ludicrous car design; even ludicrous cars benefit from subtle touches. Subtle trim such as the type seen in the second to last picture in the gallery really brings the whole car together as a modern, sleek and beautiful car.

It may not be perfect, but it sure does feel damn close in the right lighting.


Because this is a car that’s actively being used for a competition occurring right now, it really is rare to have the privilege of reviewing a car like this. In fact, I think I’m the only person other than the creator and the competition host who has one. The only real issues I had getting this car was that I lacked an exhaust tip mod that exists on the workshop and that the creator forgot to send me his very own modded badge he made for this car. The first is my own fault and the second is understandable, since I’m not even sure if its on the workshop currently.


The 8^8 is a stupid car that reeks of stupid and yells about how stupid it is with nearly every single stat it has. With hypercars and the like, I expect some stupid big numbers and some stupid low numbers, but not this big and low.

Firstly, it weighs 4148 lbs (1881 kg) dry, which may seem oddly large for a hypercar, until you realize a few other things. It has a 6L twin turbo aluminum-silicon V12 making 1010 hp. That is not electric, that is not hybrid, that is pure, forced induction, internal combustion, nut-busting power. As if that wasn’t head cocking enough, unlike every other current hypercar I’ve seen, this thing has an aluminum semi-space frame chassis, rather than a carbon fiber monocoque. I assume this was put into place for cost and engineering time for the competition, to which that is understandable. Double wishbone front and multilink rear, an interesting luxurious contrast of some luxury compared to the 1010 screeching horses up front, almost as much as a luxurious contrast as the interior.

Speaking of the interior, its exactly what you would expect of the tip of the top of a 2018 super-luxury car. Injected with pure tech and extravagant hand-made luxury, there’s a lot to like. The rest is fairly predictable, fat sports tires connected to magnesium wheels connected to an AWD drivetrain. Plenty of downforce, plenty of sport.

My only possible real complaint (and great concern) is the safety of this car. Based on a detailed look of safety features, it does seem oddly outdated, to which, again, can be understood for engineering times. But considering how absolutely bonkers this thing is, making it a tad unsafe may venture too far into the land of lunacy. It isn’t a rolling coffin, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not exactly a Volvo either.


If there is one thing that this car has in common with every other car in the world, its that you do gradually get better at driving it as you get used to it. But it seems almost exponential in this car, as when I first tried driving it with all the assists I found it an uncontrollable mess. However, given enough time I learned to get used to it. The one thing you need to realize, when driving this car with full ESC in automatic, is that it is a nuclear missile with a condom strapped onto it. It is technically safe, yes, but it is also capable of demolishing you and everything else in a 10 mile radius.

If you drive this car gently it is, surprisingly, not as bad as you’d think, but once you kick it in the backside it retreats into the land of chaos. This car really wants to go fast, and feels sorta condescending, if its even possible for a car to do that. If this car could talk it would say “Okay honey, I’ll go real slow for you now that I’m in automatic. Would you like a warm cookie with some milk, sweety?” as it stays below 4000 RPM.

But even in this neutered state, you can hear the fire as you stomp on the gas for a second. It first hesitates, still condescending, but then it gets insulted that you’re kicking it and flings you forward, already going above 60 mph. I feel this car will be interesting in manual mode without ESC and TC, to say the least.


For a car this heavy, it sure doesn’t feel like it. The substantial downforce allows this car to be not only grippy enough for putting down power, but grippy enough to also go through corners way quicker than it has any right to. This combined with the AWD system and insane power means that this car is not only fast, its scary fast. I go through a tight corner in Italy at 10- nope I’m doing 30 miles per hour. As I get ready to brake in a straight I’m already up to 50- nope it’s 80 mph. This is the kind of car that not only gets you in trouble, but big trouble. No corner is safe and no straight is too long for this, all because of the sheer brute-force power it has in aero and powertrain.

That being said, it does take some getting used to. I feel like I’m braking a lot more than I usually do because it gets to such insane speeds in the straights so quickly, so I have to brake more. The brakes work lovely, no fading in my experience and a good balance between sharpness and controllabiltiy. It sorta feels like an obese F1 car in its cornering speed and acceleration, but once you start braking it feels like a 4000 lbs sports coupe again. Overall, this thing is meant to race and race it does!


The 8x8 Heilong Edition is a car of duality; luxury and sport, tameness and insanity, slow and fast (Okay, maybe not really for that last one). As such, it has a very interesting driving feel in general and is rather dynamic in how it acts. It either behaves well in a corner or it feels like eating a delicious-looking lamp post, it depends. Of course, this can be a bad thing, but it can also benefit in having a car that’s genuinely interesting.

This car is a testament that says that not all cars nowadays are bland; you just need to look for those blood-red diamonds in the rough.


You got a wheel? Oh good, I think I’ll send you something then. You’ll probably hate me for it but at least it’ll look cool. Hell, it IS cool but unlike what most videogames seem to think, you can’t just floor a Maclaren P1 and not expect to end up wrapped around a tree.

just keeping in mind that the TCS for Automation exports still do not work anywhere near intended, so you’ll have to drive with it off


This is an awesome review! Thank you so much for taking your time to do this! :smiley: and hope the next few go just as well


I want to drive it so much after that review - honestly, I already wanted that after the post in the CSR you made.

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Sorry Miros, Yang asked me not to share the file. If its alright with him, I can share it with the review after the CSR ends.

Don’t worry, I never expect anyone but the designer to share any file!

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8^8 is car for full send

Will send other car for full send possibly

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Not a bad way to start - you have hit the nail on the head with your first two reviews. Keep it up!

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Since ABG has conveniently reminded me of this series (I’ve been working on other stuff, whoops), I’ll start working on it again with my 3rd review that should come fairly soon, I hope at least this week. I apologize for this long break, but I hope I will be able to get back on track and crank out a few more reviews (Hopefully).

I plan on making this 3rd review even longer and more substantial than the last, so it may take a while to create. But at least I’m actually working on it now, right?

NOTE: I will now be using OPEN BETA version for compatibility so people don’t have to use stable, you don’t HAVE to use open beta but I would prefer it for future entries. The reason I would prefer it is because of texture glitches that can occur if I try to import a stable car into open beta (For the current build, that is).