Reviews Round 1 - The Inexcusable
aka the instabins and the especially bad cars
Red Lobster, somwhere in Florida
“Say, Kenneth.” a colleague asked, “I heard that you are looking for a new sports car!”
“Well, I just figured I’d get myself a new, fun car.” Kenneth replied, chuckling, “My Cabirou is getting old, so might as well replace it with something new!”
“Well, I can’t really recommend you cars at the moment but I CAN tell you what to NOT buy!”
Kenneth’s colleague pulled out a copy of Velocity magazine and handed it over to Kenneth.
“Alright, let’s see…”
Globus Phoenix John Player Special Edtiton
“You ever heard about Globus, Ken?”
“Yeah, they’re quite alright. Not the best lookers but they certainly are solid cars.”
“That’s one way to put it. The thing is, the company is currently being investigated for supposedly stealing top-secret military tech from Lockheed. I don’t know the details or how it’s supposed to improve a sports coupe like the Phoenix, but it happened.”
“Well that’s one hell of a way to get ahead of the competition! Surely our future generations won’t resort to leaking classified military secrets to win arguments against other people on something as trivial as a military simulation game.”
“Hahaha, that would be utterly ridiculous! How’d you even come up with stuff like that?”
“Ahahahahaha!”
(Binned for having 5 TP points in the drivetrain area, exceeding the maximum limit of 4. That point could have gone somewhere else, like the body or chassis. The car provides good value for money with good enough stats, though the car is ultimately outgunned by the competition.)
BM Gumiho-84
“Hey Kenneth, you might not want to buy this one.”
“Why not? I mean sure it’s one of those new fangled hot hatchbacks and it looks decent from this angle…”
"Surely it's also going to look decent from..."
“WHOA WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLL… OMAGAAAAAA NO WAYEAYEAYEAY WHAT ARE THOSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!?!?! Bad to the Bone riff plays IS HE NEXT UP OUT OF OHIO??? 
”
“K-Kenneth? Are you alright?”
(Stats-wise, it is about average and does not offer many advantages over its competitors (while also having a higher than average purchase price). Even if it did have an edge over other cars, Kenneth would rather not have a “goofy ahh” vehicle (as the kids call it) with a comically long hood that makes it look like a shoe.)
Nerruci 320 Spyder
“Oh wow, an exotic Italian supercar! Shame it’s dead unreliable and also not very sporty, not to mention its style and and hydropneumatic suspension for whatever reason.”
“Shame.”
(Styling wise, you might have chosen a body that’s too round for an early 1980s car. But the real kicker here is the engineering and stats. 4v for a supercar engine, sure. But the hydropneumatic suspension is not appropriate for a car like this, and neither is the suspension tuning. This car is the least reliable of the bunch and is also consumes the most fuel. Drivability is on the lower side (expected for a mid-engined car) but sportiness is too low for what the car is. A set of sports tyres would’ve definitely helped with handling, and the engine loudness really didn’t need to be maxxed out at a precise 50.0)
More results coming soon™