Part 1
“Finally, a shooting brake! And quite the looker at that!”
“For being as sparsely decorated as it is, this is stylish! The B-pillar angle is a bit much, otherwise this is spot on.”
“Very efficient styling, if you will - probably the highest ratio of visual success to feature & detail count.”
“Off to a good start. Then again, so was the Novalina…”
“Being a brake isn’t its sole uniqueness. Of what we’ve seen, it also is the only turbo engine, and the only all-wheel-drivetrain.”
“Does it work?”
“I reckon it does, but Norðwagen only recently started working with turbos, so I’m less familiar with them and would need to see for myself.”
The exhibit attendant must have worked as a server in fine dining; they didn’t interrupt the ongoing conversation, yet the moment Magda looked up to get their attention, they noticed and responded immediately. See inside? Why, of course!
“Let me show you this innovative rear access system. We understand that some customers prefer four full-sized seats, and the function of four doors with the look of two. First, the large size of the doors themselves is made even more effective and more functionally robust by being triple-hinged - the door first translates laterally outboard, before rotating around a virtual axis that keeps it close to the car yet open at a wider angle than usual. Then, both front seats are electrically actuated via a settting switch and an occupancy sensor. When the switch is set to Auto, opening one of the doors moves the seat on that side forward and inclines the seatback, that is, if it’s unoccupied. The result…” The attendant opened the passenger door, and with a soft whirr, the passenger seat opened up generous access to the rear cabin.
Now, this was intriguing; Olaf was there mostly for company at this point, but this innovation made for the possibility of Magda having her cake and eating it too: eye-catching shooting brake styling, satisfying shooting brake practicality, yet designed to potentially meet the tall order of reasonably fitting a 195cm rear passenger. She stared for a moment at what appeared to be a well-thought-through and possibly game-changing novelty.
“Olaf?”
He knew what to do and got to it. A few moments later, he reported, “Well, I’ll be darned! It’s not as easy as a large sedan, but better than a smaller one. And my eyesight notwithstanding, I can see this is a top-shelf interior, probably hand-made.”
The Michelin-star-grade attendant anticipated Magda’s next words, and by the time she turned to speak them, had produced the usual key and a small map.
“Normally we would have no problem giving you a couple of days with it. Unfortunately, our previous floor model was one of the victims of that F1 car, so we only have one demonstrator left. If you could return it before the end of the day?”
“Olaf, how are you doing back there?”
“To be honest… A+ for idea and effort, but as far as results, it either barely or almost suffices, I’m undecided. When you and Stefan got in, the seats had to move back, and suddenly the room didn’t feel as generous as before.”
Ursula added, "A 2.7-meter wheelbase with these pillar proportions is about average for a midsized sedan, and reasonable to carry average rear passengers. Certain passengers, however, need above-average room for whatever reason. A longer wheelbase is the most obvious solution, but other measures can help: moving the A-pillar forward or the C-pillar back. Specifying two rear seats instead of a bench, on a sufficiently wide body, allows them to be closer together, possibly enough to fit entirely between the wheelwells. Your Lancier and the competing Fenrir both did this, which on a wagon/brake body can be done much farther than a sedan. Poseidon has the potential to do this, but as yet appears not to, so while its legroom is quite alright by midsized sedan standards, it doesn’t compete with the Swanson, Kurfürst, Primus, or Cerberus - all 3.0-meter wheelbase bodies.
Regarding previous interior and legroom comments
On that note, I should clarify previous comments made about legroom in other cars. In some cases, the observation was based on wheelbase selection and body morphs, and taken into account for formal evaluation. In other cases, it was based on interior layout alone, and the comments made were solely in the domain of interior design, not part of the formal evaluation:
The Seawolf’s 2.6 meter wheelbase offers modest room to start, improved slightly by the basic body design being cab-forward, and slightly further by morphs (especially WindscreenLower and CPillarLower). The result fell short of the semifinalists. Legroom was indeed a factor in its formal evaluation, but this was based on morphs, not seat fixtures as I had made it sound.
The Planar, on the other hand, is slightly longer and inherently at least as cab-forward to start, and furthermore has its A-pillar morph all the way forward. Its C-pillar is also all the way forward, but the geometry with a rear bench is such that the pillar isn’t the limiting factor there. Had it been a four-seater, there’d be potential for a Lancier/Fenrir-style squeeze, and then the C pillar would’ve mattered. The Planar was formally deemed to have slightly more legroom than the Seawolf, though this didn’t play a decisive role in its ranking.
The Waldersee incurred a minor penalty for legroom, based on its A-pillar position nearly all the way back. The comment made, however, pertained to interior design only.
The Walf incurred a significant penalty due to beginning with a 2.7m wheelbase, and unlike the Seawolf and Planar, morphing towards a shorter cabin instead of a longer one. In general, the main reason not to maximize cabin length is to keep visually appealing body proportions, but in its case it went so far that the reverse happened, by my eyes anyway."
Part 2
Olaf added, “To call this ‘cramped’ is a stretch, but it’s on the tight side. The seat is very comfortable, however, if not quite as high-quality as the others we’ve seen. And the ride comfort is by some margin the best I’ve ever felt, including the recent sedans. The only reason I’m not asleep is because I’m admiring the embroidery work everywhere. The minimalism of the exterior belies what’s inside; the red and black vertical slats at both bumpers gives a tiny hint of the striking and frankly decadent interior styling. If they don’t already call it Holy Bordello, they should.”
“Indeed, this thing rides on a cloud. Hydraulic suspension, I wonder?”
“Yep. On top of double wishbones all around, reasonably balanced footwork, and everything medium or higher quality. And that engine!”
On the back road leading to the Autobahn onramp, Magda rolled on the throttle. A deep, soft, creamy hum accompanied the potent yet silken wave of torque that shoved them all back in their seats.
“‘Howler’ must be someone’s name, because the engine is anything but. It’s in fact the second-quietest of them all - at 21.1 adjusted, it’s a bit behind the otherwise malaised Bellomont at 19.6, and significantly ahead of the Kurfürst (25.5) and Swanson (28.1). Its 70.0 smoothness is about what you’d expect of a high-quality straight- or flat-six.”
“That was just a brief sample of its Kraft and its Laufkultur. Here comes the onramp to what looks like a quite open Autobahn…”
The Howler had by this point established its first impression - plush, pillowy, exceptionally refined. Very relaxing, not very invigorating. Magda wondered - was there more to its personality? Her right foot decided to find out. Hammer down.
“I’ve been in turbocharged cars before, but if I weren’t an engineer, I’d have a hard time believing this isn’t naturally aspirated. Magda, you’ll have to report on the lag, if any, but I can report that the torque curve is very well-balanced. Whoever tuned this turbo setup knew what they were doing, aimed for a refined and well-rounded boost of power rather than simply going for the biggest numbers, and utterly nailed it.”
“I can’t tell there’s any lag, but it might be masked by the transmission, which despite being a modern advanced 4-speed, is rather soft and lazy. For a GT car making at least faint noises of sportiness, the Poseidon hasn’t got much. At least, not with this kind of driving. At least, not apart from its formidable straight-line performance. It’s so refined that I have to keep looking at the speedometer to be sure how fast I’m going.”
As they approached the exhibition parking lot on the way back, Olaf spoke, “Actually, would you mind taking me home? I wasn’t feeling so great this morning to begin with, and the cheese from the previous car has made me queasy.”
“Since we’re here, do you think Heidi is feeling well enough to come down and try out this seat access system?”
Extracting himself from the posh, cozy depths of the Poseidon’s back seat, Olaf stretched his arms and back, and replied, “Maybe. I’ll go see.”
A minute later, Magda’s mother in law emerged from the house, supported by her cane. She peered quizzically at the sleek burgundy car in her driveway, looking next to her Hörch as a hand-carved solid burl wood bowl might look next to a piece of driftwood. Though unaccustomed to anywhere near this sort of automotive splendor up close, and unsure what to make of it visually, she understood its significance.
"Magda, my dear, I don’t give two hoots for cars as such, but I understand what they mean to you, and I’m deeply proud that my son married someone whose talent and ambition - whose own merits - have carried her life from that of a lost and lonely freshly-escaped free spirit just scraping by, to the point of reasonably and seriously considering buying something like this. I have no idea what this is exactly. But even to the vehicularly clueless, as a symbol of well-earned success, it very much does the job. Though if you ask me, not quite as well as that big sedan you brought here earlier.
I’m also touched that in addition to the guts and brains to escape and build your own life by your own wits, you have the heart to take into consideration my and Olaf’s tired old bones - mine, especially - in the decisionmaking. I’ll humor you all with the spectacle you’re about to see - it’s for my own sake, anyway - but let me preface it: I would graciously accept your chauffeuring us, but it need not be in something of this caliber. The Hörch is perfectly adequate, and the length of its tenure lends it a major factor of comfort with the familiar that no money can buy. You decide whatever you decide, but know that absolutely no part of me would begrudge you the pleasure of a car that’s right for you, regardless of how good it is or isn’t at schlepping us old farts around." Olaf chuckled and nodded in agreement.
Heidi hobbled over to the Poseidon as Stefan opened the passenger door, her eyebrows speaking the amusement by the trick hinge and motorized seat. Her jaw nearly jettisoned her dentures upon seeing the interior. “Mein Herrgott! This is at once magnificient and obscene. I don’t know if I could get used to being in such a space. I don’t know that I want to… or that I’d get un-used to it afterwards. Wow!”
Some moments later, she was seated. Magda approached, closed the passenger door, and entered though the driver’s. “Well, what do you think?”
“I think the Sistine Chapel could sue for lost business. To answer what you meant to ask… it does work. Not as well as a large sedan, but a lot better than a normal coupe. It’s viable.”
“Are you not taking the Autobahn back to the exhibition?”
“No, I specifically want to take the Schlangestraße [snake road] through the hills. We briefly touched 260 on the way to your parents’, so I know what it can do in a straight line. Now I want to see how it performs in the twisties. Your father would have woken up and complained, but I know you won’t. What about you, Ursula?”
“Let me put it this way: I consider a month in which I don’t spend a solid afternoon or two on the Nürburgring in my track-prepped Loki to have been a waste. These seats aren’t heavily bolstered, but I’ll be quite alright. As far as I’m concerned, Magda, swing this beast’s hooves* and make it dance!”
*die Hufe schwingen = literally, “to swing the hooves”, translating variously as “to hurry up” or “to haul ass”
Stefan jogged back from the convenience store with a couple of bratwurst and pretzels. Magda’s silent gaze asked, and he replied, “They said they’re sending a tow truck themselves, and are leaving immediately, to arrive in 20-30 minutes or so.”
“Just long enough for it to cool down so we can at least see what blew.”
“I suspect the first-rate NVH tuning and soundproofing are partly to blame. Most cars that overheat this badly, I can hear it in the engine’s voice before something lets go. But here it’s very quiet, especially with the turbo.”
“I’m surprised how quickly it happened. Then again, on the Autobahn we were mostly cruising at medium or high speed. Lots of airflow, a few slightly prolonged pulls, but fewer and farther between than the Schlangestraße, where WOT was much more frequent and speeds lower.”
Ursula found the car’s spec sheet and began scanning it. Before long, “Aha! I’m quite embarrassed to have missed this detail back in the IAA hall: there is zero airflow dedicated to the radiator; what there is appears to be entirely incidental, haphazard, and random, amounting to half of the cooling capacity this engine needs. Just cruising around with occasional full power, it seems to suffice; the apparently large coolant capacity buffers against such fluctuations, and if they’re infrequent enough, you might never notice. But for a WOT-brake-turn-WOT-brake-turn backnforth at lower speeds, the buffer runs out and the engine overheats.”
At least there was a nice view over the hills they had just traversed. The kind of view that invites the viewer to contemplate its vastness with one half of the mind, and a complex structure of datapoints recently acquired to make a decision with the other. While the datapoints in question were many, the decision made hardly needed a fraction of them.
“I wish I’d read about this before the drive. Not to avoid getting stuck at a gas station between Nirgendwo and Hinterwald, but to avoid the profound disappointment of meeting what might’ve become my automotive hero, bathing in its warmth of beauty and multifaceted competence… only to be doused with cold sewer water, straight from the cesspool of disillusion, as its apparently only real design flaw emerges, a showstopper and a dealbreaker.”
“You had reservations about it prior too, no?”
“Yes, it didn’t really want to be dancing that vigorously anyway. It amounts to the same thing: whether due to its equipment and tuning - automatic, super refined, softly sprung - or… whatever could possibly explain the airflow… this car is totally unsuited for sporty driving, and insofar as it results in mechanical failure, it’s unsuited to an unprecedented degree. Even a Mara would have, if nothing else, survived. The Poseidon’s top-shelf comfort and numerous other merits might compensate in some use cases, but not in mine.”
Design concept: A-
Design execution: A
Engineering concept: B+
Engineering execution: F is for Fatal Flaw. It’d’ve been at least B+ otherwise.
A shining example of: an automotive Achilles and its heel.
Verdict: Declined. Rank TBA.
“DROOL!”
“Seriously… this is one fine sight to behold.”
“It isn’t terribly original, but there are certainly worse acts to imitate, and worse imitations.”
“The ‘Omega Juliet Quebec’, anyone?”
“Also not terribly original, I don’t think, but it fits.”
“That said, it seems… 90% of the way to complete. It’s all well and right for swoopy curves to be contrasted with rectilinear forms, but some of the contrasts here look more like clashes. The hard lines in the nose work with the curve of the hood, so they’re alright. But the door handles, and to a lesser extent the vents in the B-pillar… they could stand to feel more welcome, better integrated with their big prominent neighbors. There’s also a bit of dissonance in the upper outer corners of the taillights. It’s unclear where the upper door seams are supposed to be. Otherwise I struggle to come up with much, and its eyecandiness remains quite intact all the same.”
“Any brawn or brains to this beauty?”
"Some. By recent standards, not much - 208 slightly peaky horses out of a medium-strung all-alloy DOHC-2 2.8L V8. A high-quality 5-speed non-overdrive gearbox, fully synchronized with triple-cone synchros on 2 and 3. Those horses are tasked with pulling the second-lightest car here, at 1140kg, and they do so… adequately. Straight-line performance is right around average for the cars we’ve seen.
What’s not average is the footwork. This is a high-quality chassis, suspension hardware, tires, and brakes. The brakes are about flawlessly tuned, the suspension not so much; it’s something approaching balanced front to rear, but underdamped at both ends."
With a brief show of credentials, they crossed the rope and opened the side doors and hatch.
“I can certainly see why there aren’t four full seats, but I don’t see why the rear two are there at all. Even for children there isn’t much room. At least they fold flat, and the result is quite a practical space for cargo. Moving forward… oh my! This interior is among the best we’ve seen this whole week - stunning handwork, at a very high quality.”
"My mind was nearly made up even before I saw the inside. I can see this being a viable contender - it checks all the boxes, some of them quite hard, and appears to have no major flaws apart from the inherent one of seat count… oh, I do see a problem: with how the windows are arranged, visibility to the rear sides is atrocious. Still, not a dealbreaker.
I expect the price might be, though; all this quality can’t come cheap."
“Actually, this is well under budget - 36k”
“Huh. Well, then that’s very much worth a drive,” Magda concluded before turning to the attendant.
“When might we try this out?”
“Unfortunately, this is our only intact specimen. You heard about the F1 car, yes?”
“We did, yes. So… when?”
“At the latest, when the exhibition ends this weekend. We might be able to arrange an evening demonstration; I’ll need to check with a few people. Alternatively, there’s a Cascina dealer in Aachen. If you like, I can call and arrange a Dicentra for you there?”
“Aachen? A two-three hour drive each way… let’s call that Plan B. Meanwhile, could we see about an evening demo? Here’s my card in case that makes a difference.”
“Certainly. Check back here later this afternoon.”
Verdict: Worth a testdrive.
6. Zephorus Stelvio V8 by @Riley
“I get the feeling of approaching the epicenter of something, in more ways than one. I see more traces of damage from that misbegotten pinball of doom. And the cars are getting more and more exotic-looking. I can see why they tried to park it here of all places.”
“Oh, look at that - they’re bringing what looks like a replacement down the access hall from outside. And they’re doing it correctly - a team pushing it by hand. Quite a striking car! Let’s follow it until it’s in place.”
“Ok, I see where they’re going to park it. Right next to something too wrecked and burned for me to identify.”
“They’re hanging a new banner for the wreck to replace the burned one… the wreck is was an Edgewater, apparently. This one - oh, I see on its decklid: Zephorus.”
“Despite wearing the most subdued paint since the Seawolf, this is visually the loudest car I’ve seen all week. I can’t decide if I like it or not, but it makes an impression either way. Looks like they’ve just about parked it. Oh wow… look at how the door opens! Up! I’ve never seen anything like this.”
“Barring a few details, I think I do like its exterior. It’s very daring, audacious, and carries that torch with enough confidence to be commendable regardless of where it sets it down. Some proportions look a bit off - the doors and side windows - though it’s such a novel design that I can understand the design language hasn’t matured yet.”
“Speaking of windows, how do they open? You’ve got to be kidding me… I could hardly get my hand through that!”
“The split side windows are stylish in their own way, and eyeballing the geometry, it looks like the split could’ve been used to ease the lower/inner pane fitting inside the door, winding down like normal. For a race car trying to save every last gram, these little flap vents make sense, but for this? With this interior? What were they thinking?”
“Also, what is going on with that B-pillar? It’s strangely angled, and enormous for no apparent reason. With how limited the visibility is to begin with, it needs all the help it can get, not a pointless giant panel right next to your head.”
“Looking at the B-pillar further, its angles start to make sense. But its size doesn’t.”
“Is that a proprietary luggage set?”
They approached the attendants with their passes, which they seemed not to care about much. “Sorry we can’t give you much of a tour. We’ve got a lot of setup and cleaning still left. But if you have any questions, let us know.”
“Yes, it looks like a very nice leather suitcase designed to fit behind the seats… which appears to be general-purpose cargo area… and the only one? No frunk or trunklet?”
“Apparently not. Hm… engineering-wise, on a mid-engined car with inherently difficult packaging and emphasis on maximum performance and optimized weight distribution, the most prime real estate being occupied by luggage seems daft. It’s also quite a small space. On the other hand, access has been considered, and with how far forward this seat moves, it’s actually not bad. On a roadtrip, being able to reach your stuff without stopping is certainly a plus, though you won’t be carrying much of it to begin with.”
“This interior is very… fleshy. I guess the color works, while the shapes and layout - apart from the windows and cargo area - are quite nice. High quality and handmade, too.”
“The seats are more comfortable than the racing buckets they look like. The driver’s position is well thought-through, though rear visibility is… to be fair, not much worse than any other mid-engined car, except to the side blind spots. The giant pillars… why?!”
“What’s under the… uh… do we still call it a hood if it’s in the back?”
“A transverse all-alloy 3.3L DOHC-4 V8 making 279hp at 6900rpm. Redline is 7500, though the high-quality forged internals should be good for at least 8000. The internals have been lightened to cancel out the flywheel, which is minimally heavy, for a net zero balance weight. The nominal 12:1 compression ratio is very high, and normally would be pretty cheesy, but with hot cams like this has, the actual (dynamic) compression ratio decreases relative to the nominal (static) one to the point that this is roughly equivalent to 10.5:1 or so on a less high-strung engine. So no cheese there.”
"All in all, this is a rather remarkable engine. Despite further lightening available, it has by far the fastest response both on and off throttle, nearly 50% faster than the Walf in second place. It’s quite loud but decently smooth. Thermal efficiency is middling at 19.2%, but with cams like this that’s a respectable figure. Performance relative to service costs is mediocre, while relative to consumption it’s about exactly average. The body - alu paneling on stainless steel - is fairly light at 1183kg, so its performance should be strong…
…and it is! Top speed is a respectable 255, while 80-120 is very competitive at 2.85 seconds - properly quick! More good news is the brakes, which are the best of all cars and some of the strongest I’ve ever seen: flat zero fade,100-0 in 33.7 meters. And the suspension…
Double wishbone front and rear, reasonably well-tuned for right around where a GT should be: 1.48Hz front, and the rear slightly too low (or the front slightly too high) at 1.6. Roll angle of 3.0 is very good, also about where it should be. Grip is fierce - 1.14g at lower speed, dropping to 1.08 with gentle understeer. Combined with the interior, the Comfort rating (51.1 adjusted) is in the middle of a pack whose lowest-ranked member is still an upgrade over the already satisfactory incumbent. The 43.7 Sportiness rating, on the other hand, is in a whole other league than all but a couple of competitors."
“What do you think, Magda?”
“This is probably the most difficult car to decide about. I get that its dynamic performance, including comfort, are exceptional, but on top of starting with two-seater penalties, it also has exceptional problems - some inherent to mid-engined cars, others not. Still, why not? There’s no harm in looking further into it.”
She approached an attendant and asked about a testdrive. “I’m so sorry, if only you’d asked about an hour ago, it’d’ve been no problem. But this is our only example left. You’ll have to wait until the exhibition is over.”
“What about an evening arrangement?”
The attendant looked slightly peeved. “Did… you see the effort it took to bring this in here? To wheel it out by hand and then back in, when most staff have gone home for the day… I’m sorry, we can’t do that.”
She wondered about asking director Warsteiner to see if he could pull some strings to make that happen anyway; if Cascina could - maybe - do it, why can’t Zephorus? Then, she spotted a large display poster nearby that stopped her cold in her tracks.
Verdict: Worth a testdrive.
The Edgewater display area had meanwhile put up a large poster with a photograph of the car, the real one now a charred wreck that was about to be carted away on several dollies. Thinking fast, Magda ran up to the attendants, holding her pass.
“Do you have a replacement coming down the hall?”
"Er, yes, as we speak, in fact… " The attendant asked to see her pass. “Oh, Magda Schulz! I’ve read many of your writings, and must say, I’m a fan. I especially liked–”
“Please excuse me, this is possibly time-sensitive. I’m not just here in a professional capacity, I’m also looking for a car for myself. The last two I couldn’t arrange a timely testdrive because the surviving examples had to replace the damaged ones here. Before the replacement gets too far down the hall…”
“I understand. Wait a moment, please.” The attendant left to talk to a small crowd of important-looking people at the back of the display.
“Yes, you asked just in time, and we can offer a testdrive. However, it would have to be right now, and as it’s our only remaining example, one of our staff would have to accompany you. There are only two seats, so the rest of your party would have to wait. Is that ok?”
“Done.”
An hour later, as they’d arranged, Magda found Stefan and Ursula in the village of booths set up to be a temporary food court. Her eyes were wide, she was on the verge of shaking, with an expression as if she’d just had a near-death experience.
“My dear! Are you ok? You look like you just saw a battle.”
“I need a beer,” was all she managed, continuing her thousand-yard stare.
A Kölsch and a Doppelbock later, she blinked, seemingly for the first time since the drive, bringing her gaze back to immediate surroudings. Stefan, who’d been silently watching her, noticed this and asked, “I assume something awful happened on the drive. But had it been an accident or such… I know how you’d’ve reacted. So I assume it’s something profoundly terrifying about the car. To see you like this, though… my goodness, was it that bad?”
Magda slowly shook her head, eyes closed, then suddenly opened them, breaking into a smile he hadn’t seen since their wedding day.
“No… it was that good.”
(To be continued)
Verdict: Semifinals.
Non-semifinalist Rankings
