I call the UN for anti-nuclear weapons, they take you to jail for nuking so many times the hill. There they give the special, human-rights compliant, torture.
I build a bunker on top of the hill and rule it!
In Soviet Russia, hill go on top of bunker. I am now king!
“Sorry Jakgoe, the USSR has dissipated.”
As he walks away, stunned by the revalation, I declare myself king of the hill.
EDIT: I still have the bunker.
I tell riley, “OMG GUESS WHAT YOU JUST WON A SPCIAL EDITION (year) 6969 FERRARI LAFERRARI LAAAAFERRARI LALALALALLALALLLALLALAALLFERRRRRRARIIIIIII”
I am the king of the hill.
I reply, “This trick has been used before. Don’t even try it.”
I am King Of The Hill.
[size=50]How did you find the bunker?![/size]
I built the bunker, so I know where the air entry is. And I also know, I forgot to add any sort of filters, lethal gas released. You know were this is going.
I, therefore, declare myself Dictator of the Hill!
Looks like i have to start another revolution to become king of the Hill.
This will now be the second republic of the Hill and i’m the first president, like i was in the first republic 
Thanks to the toxic seepage from the lethal gas, the water runoff in the nearby river is poisoned and causes many deaths due to its effects on the local fishing industry downstream. Leo is indicted for environmental crimes and sentenced to several years jail.
Meanwhile, the revolution is a rousing success as nobody was there to defend it. Unfortunately, looks like Hermann didn’t get the memo, and was poisoned.
I have declared an emergency and have rezoned the hill under remote administration. I am now Administrator of the hill.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, administrator this, dictator that, whatever.
Stroppy boy, I’ve got a surprise for you.
Oh, by the way, you are free Leo!
Now step this way towards the firing squad.
I’m king now!
I weep at the lifelike rendition. What an artistic masterpiece that has been posted.
Hope you enjoy wearing a grade 5 hazmat suit if you plan to actually inhabit the hill 
I have no current plans to rule the hill. I think that radish was off and gave me gastro…
Haha, yeah, radishes are not in season for the next few months 
.
This hill has had so much done to it that we have basically all either died of poisoning, or become immune to it. Also, a Type 5 hazmat suit wouldn’t help at all with what you are talking about. Try a Type 1 or 2.
Of course, this only applies to the people that have been around the hill the entire time. For newcomers, the radiation may pose to be quite the problem.
Here’s a gift to help you,
I am still king!
I didn’t even know about the nukes. Good thing I never visited the hill, I am just apparently in charge of it. Speaking of which, nobody has actually deposed me yet, so while you continue your stake on the hill in some apparent apocalyptic wasteland which I have no intention of even approaching (the suit is appreciated, by the way, I will be sure to wear it to dress up parties), I still hold governing rights and am benevolently allowing you to call yourself whatever you like on that hill 
I tell Strop that someone is trying to disrupt his league (for which he should post the results), as he runs away crying to Kubby, I get the hill.
This is “King of the Hill”, not “Administrator of the Dept. Of Parks and Recreation” .
Fixed that for you 
Enjoy the hill. I shall bide my time.
One must notice that mustard gas isn’t that toxic, it was just a distraction that the media created for the folk.
Walking by I can only see trees of green, red roses too. I see skies of blue and clouds of white. The colours of the rainbow so pretty in the sky.
And I think to myself, What a wonderful hill.
I shall take control of this.
(But what about the background radiation from all those nukes? Is this still the same hill? )
Nooo not burgers! With the shadow administrator gone, the hill will descend into chaos once more!
EDIT: In a triumphant dick move moment, I sneakily revoke my intention to claim kingship, launch a class action lawsuit against Tesco, who promptly fingers Cheeseman as the fall guy, and in the ensuing litigious chaos, claim the Hill once and for all!
I am now king off the hill
Well Tesco won’t do. Burger King, cook him up and serve him to me. Medium-rare please, and make it big, fat and juicy!
With him eaten, I can only assume the hill is mine
And then Cheeseman sees a CTE Polonez coming at him. As he gets run over, he can only assume the driver is now the king of the hill.
And indeed, as I get out of the car, I declare myself the king.