Megarooster Marcher

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In response to the newly revealed Calvinator Super Wagon, our engineers here at Megarooster Motor Company have been hard at work developing a competitor. We think we have it down, so here it is. The 2020 Megarooster Marcher - a capable and luxurious minivan.

The Touring is the trim aimed at clients looking for the ultimate luxury experience. At $110,000 (0% markup), the Marcher Touring is less than a third of the price of a Super Wagon. The naturally aspirated V12 mill moves this luxury vehicle to 60mph in only 2.8 seconds, while returning a solid 8mpg. If you felt like taking this 5174lb sleeper to the drag strip against your friend’s Camaro, you’ll surprise him by pulling down a 10.5 second run at 138mph. This vehicle is not meant for the drag strip, however, and carries all the amenities you could hope for. A brand new heads up display system allows you to view speed, gps information, and much more without looking away from the road. The stylish 20-inch rims will get you all the looks as you glide down the road with your utterly smooth 7 speed dual-clutch transmission, along with your seven other passengers all riding on rich Corinthian leather seats.

Now, if you’re the kind of guy who sees a minivan do a 10-second run in a quarter mile and says “that’s not fast enough”, then we also have something for you. Step up (or rather down, as it’s actually cheaper), to the Grand Prix trim:

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Oh, did the shiny yellow thing catch your eye? We thought it would. That is the tip of the iceberg. Underneath the hood is an 8.6L V12 making 1130bhp. We got rid of the grill to allow maximum cooling, but more importantly, to let plebes see what real performance looks like.

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If for some reason bright yellow doesn’t show the plebes what’s what, then the 26" rims will. If for some reason see-through wheels don’t show the plebes what’s what, maybe the massive dual exhaust routed through the liftback rear door will. If that fails, there is no hope.

The Grand Prix is optimized for the track, and as such it has removed many creature comforts to allow the maximum performance, bringing weight down to 3445lb. Also, weight reduction brings the mileage up to 9.5mpg. Savvy. With 4 bolstered alcantera seats, you can still take along several friends at the track to show them what real performance looks like. You will not find any entertainment system in here, no radio and no speakers - nor will you find a single airbag. All in the name of performance. Real performance.

No, the liftback rear door does not open. Real performance.

The Grand Prix is capable of reaching 60 in 2.7 seconds and reaching a top speed of 204mph. It would be faster, but we felt such a strong vehicle should have looks to match and stuck a massive GT wing on the roof. Even so, it makes mincemeat of the quarter-mile, running 9.9 seconds at 145mph. You don’t have to worry about hitting the wall at the end, because the vented brakes will bring you to a stop from 62 in only 89 feet. The Grand Prix isn’t only meant for straight-line speed, however, and on the ATT it will run a standing lap at 1:59:65.

Oh, and did we mention its cheaper? It starts at only $89,700 (0%)… you could buy 4 of these things for the price of a Calvinator! So what are you waiting for?

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I can’t believe this shit

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I can’t just let Calvinator dominate the segment. It would be unfair to consumers.

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Segment? What segment?

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Better economy could have been achieved wit the use of turbocharger.

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Like it has already been so wisely pointed out, utilizing turbos and reaching power numbers like this result in a very sudden onset of boost/torque. The torque curve of a naturally aspirated motor results in a much more smooth transition which I feel provides a more luxurious driving experience. Also at 9mpg, we are achieving much higher economy than the Super Wagon, and being real if you are spending six figures on a car, fuel economy isn’t your biggest concern.

@Grandea Bentley Mulsanne but in minivan form. :slight_smile:

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Well yeah. If you don’t know how to tune your turbo for economy then you’ll get the turbo kick
example your want 1000 hp from high boost 3 liter. Your get awful economy and awful enine charaxteristics… You go with low boost 6 liter you get smooth curve and better economy at the same 1000hp. The economy is a good way to tell how good the engineer is

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I’ll give you that one

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It has come to our attention here at Megarooster HQ that there is also a market for luxury vehicles that get more than 3 miles to the gallon. We’re shocked, but if we cannot adapt then we will be cast aside. So without further ado, we bring you another trim to be sold side by side with our current offerings: the Civil!

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The Civil may share the same underpinnings as its sisters, but the biggest difference is in the powertrain. Powered by a 4-litre V8 and mystical new technology called turbocharging (we don’t even know how it works!), the Civil and its 325bhp is capable of reaching 60 in 4.7 seconds and hitting a top speed of 146mph. We admit, this isn’t quite the level of performance that the Touring model provides, but at $74,500, it’s a bargain.

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The biturbo V8 motor pushes the Civil through the quarter-mile in a respectable 13.26 seconds at 103mph - still fast enough to teach a few plebs in Camaros and Mustangs what real performance looks like. Like the Touring, the Civil provides seating for 8, albeit via slightly less comfortable leather seats. But I don’t think your friends will be complaining when they go back to their Caravans. And you won’t be complaining either when you get over twice the fuel economy as your patrician brethren driving the Touring. A stunning 21mpg is achieved with this 4109lb motorized carriage. Our engineers couldn’t believe their eyes when they saw the test graphs. We had previously been told that 8mpg was the pinnacle of environmental/wallet friendliness! In fact, our chief engineer accused one of the junior engine leads of witchcraft when he suggested the use of turbo! Long story short, we no longer pay his salary and so we are able to pass the savings onto our clients!

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The front fascia and rear exhaust tips have been redesigned to be slightly less… hm… controversial. The dual exhaust is routed through somewhere else besides the cargo door.

Yes, the Civil’s cargo door opens.

So if you want to become part of the club, the entry price just dropped. Oh yeah, we did that. Get your Megarooster Marcher Civil today!

also, here’s the export file in case anyone wants to get a more in-depth look: Megarooster Marcher.zip (65.5 KB)

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I like it, but maybe you should add some detail on the front, and on the rear door, and on the sides

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The Marcher is, quite frankly, insane; the Grand Prix version, in particular, is utterly unhinged. Even the mildest version, the Civil, is quite fast for its size. And in lime green, it will easily stand out from the crowd.

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I dont think 8mpg is solid…the word youre looking for is terrible :stuck_out_tongue:

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That’s marketing for ya

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