slade
3 August 2013 22:42
1
Patrivicus Motors
The 2001 Richtofen GT is a compact sport sedan with a target curb weight of under 3100lbs, with emphasis on driving enjoyment and maneuverability.
Good:
Aluminum monocoque chassis
Multilink rear, variable rate shocks.
Tightly spaced 5-speed manual
Low frontal area, .32 Cd
235/50/17 rubber
4 Piston calipers
160mph
Under $50,000
FR or AWD
Critically endangered rosewood paneling.
Bad:
14 City 22 Highway (Fuel <$1.50 Gal circa 2001)
Questionable Engine Longevity
Sensitive to Poor Fuel
Porsche Inspired Option Prices.
Safety Motto: “out of sight, out of mind”.
Aggressive Suspension Tuning May Result in Lawyer Salivation.
7 boring colors.
Antique 4 speed Slush-Box Adds 2 seconds 0-60 mph
Resale Value Increases Probability of Brain Aneurysm.
EngineProud
slade
6 August 2013 08:39
2
1991 Consul
Neither a true sporting coupe or a pure luxury vehicle, the 1991 consul is not sure what it represents. Whatever it is, it is a lot of it. Weighing in at 2.5 tonnes, the Consul is sure to flatten any obstacles that may prevent you from reaching your upper middle management dream job. You have made it. Show people you have so much money that you no longer should be bothered to care about trifles such as taste or good sense.
Good:
Non-galvanized Steel coachwork.
Body-on-frame
Twin 24 gallon fuel reserve tanks.
15" BBS knock-offs
Aerodynamic profile of 1/2 ton truck (they WILL see you coming).
138 wallowy, death defying MPH.
Seat bolsters designed to seat 350lbs in absolute comfort.
6995cc 24V V-8 w/302hp @ an otherworldly 5000RPM.
12 industrial strength cow hides.
Gooder:
FWD safety
3 spd slush-box with 2.73 axle ratio.
0-60 MPH in just 9.8 seconds!
Pedestrian bumpers easily switched out for stylish chrome wedges*
Engine will last as long as the rest of the car.
12 month bumper-bumper and 36 month warranty against rust-through.
Available DBG performance division appearance package, with luminescent badges.**
Starts at an acceptably low $68,000.
*track use only
