Four entries??? That must be an all-time low for QFC, and brings to mind CSR65 long ago:
That’s what this latest QFC reminded me of. Mind you, the only CSR with a lower turnout was CSR59, with only eight entrants (there were eleven in CSR64). Hopefully, the judging for QFC36 will be as entertaining as ever.
I think a lot of people had busy work periods, college finals etc., which played a large part in turnout being low. Moroza’s rules/briefs are also pretty avant-garde compared to most QFCs, but I’d still judge them as a success just for producing Knugcab’s entry. That thing looks delicious.
You could always have made a fifth entry if you thought that was too few, you know… 
Skye and the Sultan ambled down a half-covered walkway overlooking the Rose Garden, towards the north wing of the Onyx Palace, where most of the Sultan’s sizable collection was kept.
“One of the perks of this job is, of course, being able to own this kind of collection. One of the perils, however, is maintaining it. There is no reasonable way for one person to keep up with even routine maintenance of a tiny portion of these, let alone without mechanical training - like I don’t have - or with another job - like being head of state. On the other hand, another perk of this job is delegating tasks to others, in this case a fleet manager and a team of technicians.”
They arrived at the heavy medieval double doors at the North Wing’s entrance, and stepped inside as Jafran continued.
“On the other hand, this perk too comes with peril, namely that now my problem is managing the managers. Case in point…” He trailed off as a rich and lengthy belch sounded from somewhere down the hall, and plodding, uneven footsteps began from the same direction. Upon reaching the main hall, the footsteps announced a disheveled, rotund, shirtless man with a spanner wrench sticking out of his pocket, an empty bottle of Hetvesian lager in one hand, taking a drag off a curious-smelling cigarette with the other. At the sight of the Sultan, he gave a slight startled jump, losing what passed for composture and dignity just prior. Some brief fumbling and stammering later, out came a relatively sincere “Hello, your Majesy.”
Jafran looked peeved but only asked, “Where’s Blinoor? I haven’t seen her all week.”
The stammerer replied, “Still out sick. Or so she claims… this time nobody’s answering the phone there, not even her, uh, entourage. I bet she’s passed out on a beach somewhere near Tharomi right about now. Either that or they’e all chained up in the basement again because they forgot the safeword, and Mistress Marza’s a strict one… or so I’ve heard, of course. I was about to drive over there and check, actually…” He almost suppressed a malty hiccup.
“I take very little comfort in ‘about to’, or in any of that, frankly. You know I have relaxed standards in my backyard, away from front-facing royalty… but this all is too much, you included. And the chronic absence of the management is unacceptable; she’s been gone more than not, all year! Unlike the previous two - and unlike any of you clowns…” He gave the disheveled a brief hard stare, receiving a small silent sigh at the ground with another hiccup.
“…She knows what she’s doing, just isn’t bloody around to actually do it! Gah!” He threw his hands up and huffed over to the main garage door as the underling fidgeted, looking lost.
“Why won’t the door roll up?”
“I, uh… –hic–”
“Ok, I see the remote over here… its batteries having been removed… presuably to power whatever came in this box… a vaporizer, apparently… which is now where?”
As the hiccups attempted to form coherent sentences, Jafran hove the empty box towards the ground, gave it the heel of his boot, glared at the underling, and fumed momentarily. “That’s it, I’ve had it. Blinoor is fired effective immediately. You and the rest of this circus of useless drunks will join her very soon if things don’t turn around even sooner.” He marched over to the disgraced underling, towering over him quite apart from their actual height difference.
“Anyway, besides cleaning this place up and doing all the other overdue maintenance… I have a special and immediate assignment for the team, whoever bothered to show up, anyway. Get me things from my collection that resemble this.” He handed the technician a photo. “The Mercedes Autobahnkurier. Anything with a similar personality and purpose: a superlatively fast and comfortable GT, beautiful if rather extreme, that projects automotive supremacy like the original does. Assemble them at the main entrance. We will check back…” His tone and gaze shifted abruptly to address Skye. “…in two hours, perhaps after lunch?”
Skye nodded and confirmed, “That sounds lovely. And timely…” As if on cue, a rumblestorm emanated from her stomach.
Jafran turned back to face the unhappy technician. “The criteria are loose, the time ample, the inspiration unambiguous, and the budget an afterthought. You should have no trouble finding at least a dozen such cars.”
“Yes, your Highness.”
“Four.”
“Four! Of the hundreds of cars in here that it’s ostensibly your job to keep track of and running, you found… four. The incompetence… what is this I don’t even…”
The technician, now looking less disheveled but more dejected than before, replied, “I’m sorry, I’m new here, and there wasn’t much training… Anyway, here’s what I found. Left to right: a Freisprecheinrichtung 5700V12 and Tercio Matanza 6666, both 2012, then a 1969 Autobahnkurier II by LMJ Design, and a 1972 Somervell Condor 517.”
Of all the examples, one immediately stood out as an extreme among extremes.
by @mausil
“Just what in the name of the sand and the sky is this?! I don’t remember buying anything that… was I drunk? Nevermind, don’t answer that. Besides, I should keep my mouth shut; this entirely up to you, Skye. What do you think?”
“I like the name, but looking like this? Hard decline. I see that the designers took what I’d call token cue from classic GT cars, and piled on a gratuitous quantity of body cladding to attempt to earn this car the same visual intimidation and respect… by looking totally unhinged. This misshapen… object might make a fine centerpiece at a modern art gallery, but it looks nothing like an actual car. It’s aimed in the general direction of the point but misses it entirely. Like the Autobahnkurier, it’s an immodest, extreme design showing performance with some theater, but the similarities end there. While the AK’s lines are very clean, elegant, cohesive, and purposeful, this is none of those things. I mean, I guess you could make the case for ‘cohesive’, considering the entire car is covered in molding explosion, but even granting that, the result is just haphazard and bizarre.”’
“Part of me actually quite likes it in an ironic, caricature way… but the original is far from ironic. Ridiculous, maybe, but sincere to the point of being humorless. Even if accepted as a caricature, the proportions and details look like it crumpled a couple of meters in a head-on wreck… indeed, the design has all the elegance and cohesion of a train wreck; draws the eye and holds it there, but not in a good way.”
“Will you not consider the mechanicals?”
“I suppose I should, for my own curiosity, but they won’t change my mind. What are we working with here?”
“5.7l all-Alusil 5V V12 driving all four wheels through an advanced torque-vectoring AWD system with a sequential 7-speed. Its 434hp is, by 2012 performance car standards - and for the displacement - quite middling, and despite an advanced aluminum semi-spaceframe and partial carbon panels, the resulting 1779kg are rather a lot to push around. On the plus side, it’s very comfortable aside from the gearbox (68.6 adjusted), and its aggressive tires and semi-sporty suspension tune with adaptive air shocks keep it decently agile and engaging to drive (39.9 adjusted). The ride/handling balance is excellent, but straight-line performance for its era and its type is underwhelming.”
by @Ludvig
“And how about the other 2012 car here? Wow, it’s only when they’re parked next to each other that I can truly appreciate how big and bloated the Freisprecheinrichtung is, and how lean and sleek the Tercio is. Is this reflective of its actual weight?”
“No, because if anything it weighs less than it looks. At 1186kg despite a beefy 6666cc V12 and a triple-Torsen all-wheel-driveline featuring a dual-clutch 6-speed, this would already be in a position to run rings around its rival… and that’s before you consider its power. Seven hundred thirty seven horses at 7400rpm, well ahead of its 9100rpm redline, which in turn has plenty of reliability margin for internals good for well over 10000. The torque curve needs to be on a poster in Engine Design 101 with a caption simply saying ‘This.’”
Skye whistled appreciatively. “Why is it so light? Is it a stripped-out homologation special?”
“No, it’s a full carbon unibody. With a Sport, not Race interior and a little extra care put into interior amenities. The suspension tuning matches - sport, not race. Compared to the other one, the comfort/sport balance is reversed - 40.2 and 63.8, respectively and adjusted.”
"That’s quite impressive considering how much less cabin room and bump-soaking mass there are. And now to address the elephant in the room… and I don’t refer to the geriatric pachyderm parked next to it, rather to the visual bombshell that is the Tercio’s design.
From the side, it’s a bit gratuitously phallic - do those fenders need to be so tall? - but otherwise the lines are classically excellent, the side grills are exactly what and where they need to be, and the wheels wholly appropriate for its image.
From the rear, this just gets me hot and bothered. The taillights are dramatic, stunning, yet very clean, almost minimalist. Exactly like the inspiration. Their upwards slashes are angled just right to flow with the chrome spear that… passes for a bumper? The spear dividing the rear windshield looks appropriate, and the third brakelight on top is… Proper. The sunroof… a bit excessive, but not glaring."
"As we come to the front, Helen here with her jaw-dropping rear reveals her wart. The body kit on the sides and rear gives just the right level of functional modern aggression to classic elegant lines above, but that front lip… would ruin the design if the rest of it weren’t so strong. Elsewhere, the theme of almost too much quantity combined with first-rate quality continues. The in-and-out dual NACA ducting is perfect: flows with the body-length spear, looks functional, and suggestive in a mechanical sort of way.
The lip doesn’t just blemish the design, but I can’t see this being remotely practical to drive except on a track. I’m primarily after looks here, but with what’s under the hood I will definitely want to drive this. Maybe it could be removed? But it looks functional…hmm."
Jafran meanwhile was looking at some documents from the glovebox and frowning. “Unfortunately, that question is moot. I’m not sure why this wasn’t noticed before…” He turned a brief scowl at the technician. “… But this car is not road-legal in Dalluha. Standard 00s safety is inadequate for a 2012 car.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me! You tease me with this athletic supermodel - which I was all but decided to choose for my ride, only the front lip giving any pause - and now you tell me it’s off limits?! Jafran, how could you?”
“I didn’t know, honestly. And I apologize on behalf of everyone in charge of this collection, most of all myself; organization is not our forte lately.”
Wiping up some drool from a minute ago, Skaiðrun gazed longingly at the forbidden fruit, gave a wistful sigh, and stepped over to the next car.
by @knugcab
“Of all the cars here, this one looks most like the original. Not an equivalent, nor a replica, but a tribute car. Taken as such, this is excellent. The proportions harken back to the original while remaining plausible for 1969. The same goes for the styling cues: beautifully balanced, cohesive, not entirely harmonious but I do understand this was a prototype, and that later ones had better-blended rear quarters and a revised rear window.”
"It’s arguable whether its larger, more upright stance amounts to a different image than the original, or simply an update for its times, but even in the latter case I think it could stand to be lower, and either narrower or longer. I recall a drive demonstrating a 1996 Norðwagen Fenrir where the visual effect of height came up - generally, the taller the driver’s position, the more prestige an observing lizard brain assigns to it. However, at a certain point in the opposite direction, prestige again increases while taking on a different flavor: less elephant and more stalking wolf. The stance of this car is par for a luxury cruiser, but doesn’t have the same intimidating-predator vibe to it. Its styling cues accomplish that job nonetheless, but there’s room for more.
Regardless, it’s visually very well-balanced in its own right, and in the nods to both 1930s styling and 1969. I think it’s brilliant, and beautiful. The Somervell and Matanza have some higher visual peaks, but this car is overall the best-looking by the standards of the inspiration. What’s under the hood?"
“Apparently the drivetrain from a contemporary Mercedes - a 3.5 liter V8 making just over 200hp.”
At this, Skye’s face sank. “That’s… quite disappointing. For 1969, certainly respectable… but the car this is meant to directly honor was in another league, performance-wise, than merely ‘respectable.’ In the late 1930s, the original AK’s 180hp was roughly equivalent to… oh, say, 400hp in 1969: not the absolute pinnacle along the lines of the L88 Corvette - that would be perhaps a 245hp Delahaye 145, or a 220hp Hispano-Suiza J12 - but well beyond even most performance cars of its day. Do the rest of the mechanicals begin to make up for it?”
“Begin to, I suppose. Ultimately overcome? Let’s see… 3-speed slushbox and fully independent suspension, open diff, radial touring tires, solid disk brakes, aerodynamic cladding, a properly top-shelf handmade interior, hydropneumatics…”
“Respectable like the power, but not making up for the lack thereof. I adore a top-shelf interior but that’s not the priority here. As much as the looks would win, the performance - as I initially said was equally important - doesn’t keep up.”
by @texaslav
The technician, hitherto silently sulking and smoking some distance away, suddenly spoke up. “Vintage power shortage? Not here! This is the most recent addition to the Collection, and I had the honor of giving it its shakedown drive. This thing moves.”
The Sultan countered, “Yes, I drove it recently too and can confirm that it moves. Unfortunately, with period mechanicals from 1972, the movement is as much sideways as forwards if you’re not careful. The engine is a proper brute: eight and a half liters of iron and aluminum, but unlike the Malaised garbage from slightly later years, this is actually tuned well, and the resulting 467hp… heh…”
“What’s up?”
“Odd coincidence… I was watching footage recently from the La Marche race in 1960, one of DCMW’s first forays into motorsports. The Dalluhan contender, described as a ‘battleship’ by the organizers, was the most powerful car in the race of any class, as well as the fastest GT. It made 467hp, and its only real competition was a Somervell. Isn’t that something?”
“Interesting… is that an automatic?”
“Yes, a three-speed just like on the previous car. Frankly a disservice, because this much engine needs control to go with it, but it’s not bad to drive nonetheless, and very comfortable thanks to a very advanced air suspension: 18.1 sport and 59.1 comfort, adjusted. And yes, it’s road-legal. What do you think of the looks? It was very recently repainted Onyx Palace black.”
“It’s slightly underwhelming, visually. And I do mean slightly. Clean, elegant, and cohesive? Absolutely. But it’s just a bit too modest for its capabilities. Considering the American automotive landscape in 1972, this would have an image of a personal luxury coupe, a soft and medium-performance car of a generally middle rank, when it really is a civilized supercar of the highest rank. I don’t have much to add about its styling because there isn’t much more to it. While not the drool-fest of the Tercio or the bombastic retro of the Autobahnkurier II, this is a very period-correct equivalent of the orignal AK. By looks, I’d rank it third in this group, and relative performance second of all the cars, but first of the legal ones.”
“Sounds like you’ve made up your mind?”
“Indeed. We have a winner.”
Not a promising start…
If you ignore the Freispreinrichtung for being too ugly, and discard the Terzio for having an obsolete safety suite, the effective number of entrants drops to just two - so what went wrong?
Those aren’t the only problems - I suspect the rule set, though very liberal, was also too vague. Also, the host is still judging FC1 as we speak, and hasn’t gotten around to finishing that one yet.
Well, you tell me… I was looking forward to a mid-engined LVC of some sort.
I reckon a fair number of people were reminded of the inspiration’s circumstantial history, and the hardwired fear-driven “avoid” instinct got no further brain activity before defaulting to the inaction it’s programmed to (not) do. After all, half of all people have below average intelligence, which isn’t off to a great start, and critical thinking requires some to override the kneejerks and deconstruct overly inclusive associations. This is the same reason we had Liberty Cabbage a century ago and Freedom Fries more recently.
The contrast with QFC23, which calls for approximately the same kind of car, in that case explicitly for criminal use, is remarkable.
Moving on…
Come on, moroza, I know it’s disappointing that some people were unfairly repulsed by the inspiration of the challenge, but you don’t need to insinuate they’re unintelligent. Among the people that voiced their displeasure are some very intelligent people according to my experience - including a winner of one of my challenges. In the wrong here? Perhaps, but not in any way deserving of disparagement. On a more humorous yet personal level, DONCHEW INSULT MUH FREEDUHM FRAHS! AND HWHY DIDJA REPAIN MY GORJUS TWOTONE SUMMRHVELL?
I think that overall, this challenge is mostly an example of wrong place, wrong time - hell, I had completed my car to a level satisfactory for the challenge, but the fact that college finals pretty much entirely coincided with the deadline almost got me timed out of the challenge due to my desire for an interior. It reflects well on moroza to initially incorporate the low number of entrants into the story instead of just immediately throwing his hands up. Keep on fighting, soldier, I think you got one hell of a future.
I will take up the next QFC. Expect the post soon.
Maybe I should have went for my original plan and put a M100 under the hood instead.
Congratulations, @Texaslav !
All of those quotes about the last-placed (legal) car can be summed up in two words: Fixture vomit.
Seriously, why are you so snarky at the moment? Complaining about the challenge even though it have ended, complaining about other people’s designs despite not being the judge… Yes, you can’t like everything in this world, or even on this board, nobody does, but sometimes there is some truth to the saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”, at this point criticism isn’t constructive anymore, just wait for QFC37 instead and see if you like that one better, OK?
Agreed. Now that this challenge has concluded, I’d rather let bygones be bygones.
Congrats @Texaslav an elegant take on homegrown uber-GT (vs Iso/DeTomaso)
Perhaps it’s not entirely out of character for a “boutique” marque not to pay much attention to safety, but ingame it was probably an oversight caused by dicking around with techpool
