Reverse Reviews Challenge 1: Hetvesia 1982 [PHASE 1 OPEN]

This is not a car challenge, this is a writing challenge. While you may submit .cars for Phase 1, this is not required, and I won’t be looking at them. Your actual entry is to be a piece of writing, which will be reviewed in detail, scored by a given framework, and ultimately ranked among others by a simple criterion: how boring was it to read? Did it make me laugh? Did it make me cry? Did it make me want to commit crimes against humanity? Follow the prompt or don’t, trash the cars or exhalt them, anything goes. Creative and unexpected are good things here. The least boring entry wins.

I intend this competition to be extremely flexible and liberal regarding rules. I want inspired pieces, whether the inspiration is the one provided or not. One suggested format is a ~1000-word short story set in the Scenario described below, comparing two or more cars. However, feel free to ignore everything suggested, or modify it as much as your imagination allows. That includes the length; whether you write a five-act play in iambic pentameter, or a five-line limerick, whatever entertains me most wins.

The hard rules:

  • Must be about or prominently feature at least one of the host .car(s) given. Other cars may feature as well, but not your own.
  • Writing, primarily, though graphic novel/comic strip style could be ok. Songs and videos… let’s save those for another time.
  • Modern English. The odd foreign word or phrase is ok.

The (suggested) Scenario: it’s 1982. You arrive in Hetvesia to begin a week-long vacation to visit castles, national parks, and have some fun on the unrestricted-speed highways and sparesly-populated mountain roads in between. In the airport’s rental hall, you find your arranged company’s booth wrapped in police tape, with a pasted note to the effect that all their vehicles are impounded and the staff arrested, with no further explanation. The only other agency in the airport is Norðwagen, who, among other things, prominently advertise hassle-free exchanges at any of their numerous offices around the country. Outside of the airport are of course other agencies.

The cars:
Skaði T-4x2, compact standard
Norðwagen_Skað (232.2 KB)

Skaði S-6x4, compact sport

Norðwagen_Skað (237.1 KB)

Týr GT-12x4, personal luxury coupe

Norðwagen_Tý (299.0 KB)

Fenrir GT-6, personal luxury wagon

Norð (2.1 MB)

Oðin T-6x4, large standard

Norðwagen_Oð (1.4 MB)

Oðin GS-12x4, large sport

Norðwagen_Oð (1.4 MB)

Oðin L-12, large luxury

Norðwagen_Oð (1.5 MB)

Scoring: entertainment value is ultimately all that matters. I will assign scores for several factors, but they won’t formally count, and for some formats simply not apply. Wordplay, Creativity, Immersiveness, Detail (regarding the car(s)). I won’t be scoring grammar and spelling as such, and for non-native English speakers, will definitely cut slack in those regards.

Phase 1 (optional): Post in this thread an advert for your rental agency, including one or more .car files uploaded. Stylistic realism is expected at a 4/5; mechanical, perhaps 3/5. The cars should be plausible rentals; I would like to see a mix of 4-figure shitboxes as well as 6-figure exotics, but no fire trucks, F1 cars, or aircraft carriers, please. Your QFC29, JOC3C, and JOC4 entries will do just fine.

Phase 2: car and ad subs close. You will then have three weeks to DM me your written work. Do NOT post it in the thread.

Phase 3: I will review the works, and post them along with my comments and rankings. Winner hosts the next one as usual.

Rules discussion until 10/23. Phase 1 from 10/29 to 11/5. Phase 2 11/6-11/27


Why not have us post the .cars in the thread and let people pick? That way you also have an ad to base your review on, since there aren’t priorities or anything. This seems fun, though.

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I think that’s what’s happening isn’t it? We aren’t reviewing our own cars.

Ok, post ads and .cars, just not the written entry. Choosing seems ok, but I’m somewhat, not totally against people reviewing their own cars, and I definitely want the host’s cars reviewed - one of the main perks to winning.


Phase 1 begins now. Post your .cars and adverts.

Just home from vacation, expect a .car or two from me! Hoping to see some others, especially since you can just use existing cars lol

The ChatGPT Advertisement

:red_car: Introducing the 1978 VAM Compact Rear Wheel Drive Liftback! :red_car:

Get ready to experience the thrill of the open road with this iconic two-seater masterpiece, proudly crafted by VAM in Slovakia.

:star2: Key Features:

Classic Design: The 1978 VAM boasts a timeless design that turns heads wherever you go.
Rear Wheel Drive: Experience precision handling and a true connection with the road.
Compact Size: Perfect for zipping through city streets or tackling winding country roads.
Two Seats: Embrace the sporty essence of this liftback designed for two, making every drive an intimate adventure.
Reliability: Built to last, the 1978 VAM has stood the test of time and is a symbol of enduring quality.
:motorway: Unleash the Spirit of Adventure:
Whether you’re a vintage car enthusiast or simply looking for a unique and enjoyable driving experience, the 1978 VAM Compact Rear Wheel Drive Liftback is the car for you.

:dash: Feel the Power:
Under the hood, this beauty packs a punch, with a finely-tuned engine that delivers a driving experience like no other.

:sunrise_over_mountains: Where Will You Take It?
From city streets to scenic byways, the 1978 VAM Compact Rear Wheel Drive Liftback is ready for any adventure you throw its way.|attachment (50.3 KB)

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Meanwhile, at the opposite end of the spectrum…

Knauser Car Rentals

Just across the street outside the Berlau airport, there is a small shack where the budget-focused Knauser rental agency operates out of (of course they are too cheap to pay the rent for a counter in the airport).

Inside the shack, you learn that their business is booming and they thus currently just have cars in two of their categories left on site, the small and cheap Sparfuchs category and the even smaller (and cheaper) Geizkragen category.

Typical cars for each category are the following two brand new Seongu models:

(Left) Sparfuchs category: 1982 Seongu Gran Kando 1.3i LX|attachment (39.3 KB)

(Right) Geizkragen category: 1982 Seongu Kando 1.2 L|attachment (38.0 KB)


Eight days remain til the deadline. Could I get a straw poll of everyone intending to enter, either here or by DM?

The patch broke things on the .cars, so all have been re-uploaded to the opening post. Provided this is taken into account, use of the old versions for any reason is allowed.

I am entering! I have my extended draft in partial completion