Shitbox Rally 2024 - Journey to Holsia (Completed, Final Stage Released)

Stage 1

teams included (in order of appearance): Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab and Team Firulais by @Angelustyle

Early in the morning, Marie sneaked to the Rhino tent and the Primus in front of it. She looked at the sticker in disgust.

“HONK IF YOU LIKE CHANTY? DAMN, KIDDO, I WOULD GRAB YOUR UGLY BLUE HAIR AND USE YOUR DAMN HEAD FOR HONKING UNTIL YOUR UGLY NOSE IS SQUEEZED INSIDE YOUR SKULL!”

She grabbed into her pocket, got two other stickers and slammed them onto the car.

“Sadly I couldnt steal barbie stickers from the other teams, but that will do the job.”

The morning for the Rhinos started an hour later with a noise Jan and Thomas were sadly very familiar with. Chanty crying at the entrance of the tent.

“What is it this time, damn?”,

complained Thomas.

“I have terrible headache AND RUDOLPH IS GONE! ORR! ICH RAST GLEI AUS WENNSCH DEN NE GLEI FINDE!”

Thomas and Jan looked in panic at each other. Rudolph gone? That´s a disaster. Not because they would miss the elk, but it being a disaster for Chanty means it´s inevitably also a disaster for them as well.

“I am sure you put him in the car, drunk as you were, because you were afraid to forget him with a hangover”,

replied Jan, in an attempt to calm her down.

“We need to distract her before she starts searching in the car”,

said Thomas, not without fear in his voice.

“Oh, I have a great idea how we can give her something else to make her mad enough she stops missing Rudy that much”.

Jan smiled, told Thomas the plan and both agreed with a handshake.

A few minutes later, Thomas showed up in Chantys favourite pink unicorn t-shirt.

“DAD! NO! JUST NO!”

“I think it looks great with me, don´t you think?”

Jan giggled like a drunk chicken. Tomás from the Firulais, not to confuse with Thomas, was dragged towards the rhino tent, since for him, something sounding like fun seems worth checking out.

"Oh well, your T-shirt is a bit tight, yes, I can´t inhale that much, but my smoker lung can´t anyway. I am surprised it does fit, considering I am 1,93m and you are 1,61,

laughed Thomas, with a slightly evil tone.

“What does that mean?”,

asked Chanty, really having no clue. Tomás didnt notice that he was about to do a mistake, when he explained to her.

“It means, if he is much taller than you, that you must be quite chubby”,

poking her gently in the side. Tomás regretted instantly, as he noticed that Chantys braincell now understood, and with a cracking voice, she protested, and the next tear flood was already on the way.

“I AM NOT FAT! I AM JUST FLUFFY!”

Thomas and Jan facepalmed perfectly syncronized, with a slightly annoyed Jan telling Tomás to fix this now, as he caused it. Tomás immediately asked his much elder counterpart with a similar name to pretend being on a catwalk, and the senior moving like a model with that pink unicorn t-shirt made Tomás laugh so intensively, that Chanty couldn´t resist being amused by that embarrassing sight as well.

“NOW GIVE IT BACK! I need to get a shower, and I want to wear it today.”

“JAN! HELP ME OUT OF IT! I am afraid I would rip it apart, if I nave to put it off alone…”

The team drove off without any inconvenience. Thomas was driving, as he had his drinking habits under control the evening before, and Jan was navigating from the passenger seat, while Chanty tried to cure her hangover in the backseat, also missing her elk.

Dad! Not your 80s mixtape again! I am already feeling miserable enough. What´s the newest you have?

Early 2000s, but that´s a CD, but this luxury stereo has both. Let me change then…

Chanty suddenly really started to feel the third song and tried to sing along without knowing the text, which made Jan wonder.

"Eh, I thought you don´t like such music. This song is old.

“YOUR MOTHER IS ALSO OLD AND YOU STILL LISTEN TO HER!”

“BWHAHAHAHAHA!”

Thomas gave his daughter a high five and almost died from laughter.

“Jan, are you sure this is the correct road?”

“It should be, Thomas, how about finally using your wipers so that we can see what´s in front of us?”

“The visibility is fine, but if you want… Huh? Why is there no more fluid? Wait, I`ll pull over and check.”

While Jan checked the map carefully and made sure they use the correct route, Thomas found a hole drilled into the washer fluid reservoir.

“ORSCHWERBLEEDE, WHO THE FUCK WOULD DO THIS? I mean, a proper sabotage would be puncturing the tire… I really can´t see why someone would to this. Der hat doch nimmor alle Laddn am Dsaun!”
(It was Marie, getting ANY alcohol available, as included in an earlier part)

With an acceptable they arrived safe and without a fault at the finish line for that stage, establishing themselves in the middle of the competition, and both Thomas and Chanty couldn´t explain why this old and complex machine could run so reliable after 250.000 kilometer and then sitting for seven years.

Thomas grabbed a few beers and made his usual camp “control walk”, checking out all teams´activity, while Chanty and Jan could cuddle unbothered in the tent. When he walked past the Hillbilly Rollers, Thomas didn´t believe his eyes: There was Rudolph, attatched to the grille of the IP. Thomas stepped towards the team.

“EH! WHAT IS THE ELK OF MY DAUGHTER DOING ON YOUR CAR? HAND IT BACK, NOW!”

Janne, not even having really arrived, looked at Marie.

“Don´t tell me it is from that Chanty and she is not imaginary?!”

“Of course it is.”

“MARIE!”

“Janne, relax, I even attatched in a way this stinky toy isn´t damaged. They should be grateful that it now smells like a hot engine and no longer after that terrible girly perfume!”

“Now give it back before that angry senior punches Andreas. Marie… eh, Marie?”

Marie already stepped up to Thomas.

“YOUR STUPID BRAT SABOTAGED OUR CAR BY PUTTING BUTTER IN THE HEATING SYSTEM! YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT WE DIDNT FEED THAT UGLY ELK TO THE LOCAL ANIMALS”

“She did… what?”,

laughed Thomas, not hiding at all that he was proud of Chanty.

A furious Marie grabbed a knife and held it against Rudolphs throat, ready to slice it.

“So, grandpa. How about a trade?”, asked Marie, pointing at Thomas beers, as from the sixpack were still two unopened left.

“Do you know how expensive beer is here? DAMN!”

“You prefer telling your little innocent brat that Rudolph died a horrible death?”

Thomas sighed, pushed the two beers with his foot towards Marie, who did the same with Rudolph.
Half an hour later, Chanty and Rudolph had a very emotional reunification, but after some minutes of pure joy, she realized that Thomas can´t just have found it “in the trunk” - it smelled a bit like the Huvudvärk Wodka - but Chanty clearly knew she spilled nothing of that onto Rudolph before she saw him for the last time. So Marie must have stolen it.

Chanty grabbed a coke and some Mentos, walked towards the IP and waited for a moment when all three had left the vehicle, which happened after 20 minutes, when Janne, Andreas and Marie agreed to look for firewood.

Chanty mixed the Coke and Mentos, quickly closed the bottle again and stored it in the minibar before quickly getting away from the IP before someone could see her, and an extremely confident and amused Chanty walked back to Jan and Thomas, of course not telling what she had done in the meantime, but the two could tell from Chantys unusually good mood, that she clearly did something she shouldn´t have done.

After an hour of successful search, the Hillbilly Rollers had found enough suitable firewood, and Marie, already having consumed the two beer from Thomas, opened the minibar to get something to drink, took the Coke, and opened it…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

2 Likes

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 1.1 - A DIRTY, SMELLY RIDE

Prepared to leave for the first part of the rally, Janne noticed something weird attached to the grille.

“MARIE! IS THIS YOUR WORK?”, he said in an angry tone, pointing at the grille.

“Yes! You don’t like it?”, she asked.

“I don’t like that you have ruined a whole bunch of freaking expensive stainless hose clamps!”, Janne answered.

“Where did you steal this plush elk?”, Andreas asked, even more annoyed than Janne.

“I did not steal it, I found it in a trash container!”, Marie said.

“M-hm… A parfume factory’s trash container then.”, Andreas said with a sigh.

To the tones of Eddie Meduza, the team left the first campground and the slightly slippery, narrow gravel roads did remind them of their home a bit, so did the weather.

After a while they passed the Primus, that seemed to have some struggle with keeping its windshield clean.

“Seems like they are out of washer fluid”, Janne said. “Should we stop and give them some?”

“No.”, was Marie’s answer. “They have a hole in their reservoir anyway!”

“So, how do you know that?”, Andreas asked.

“Uhm…ehm…I heard on TV that Primus washer fluid reservoirs are always broken!”, Marie lied, while the rest of the team started to understand where the weird smell of washer fluid came from.

All in all, the trip went rather well, even if the wide BF Goodrich Radial T/A:s sometimes made the IP go all over the road like a horny snake. What was less pleasant, though, was the smell of butter reaching the passenger compartment once again.

“Yuk!”, Andreas said. And I can’t turn off the heater because then the windshield will be fogged. How pleasant."

“Blame Chanty!”, Marie said.

“I have told you 1000 times we don’t care about your imaginary friend!”, Andreas answered.

After a not too dramatic ride, the team arrived at camp.

Continue here…

3 Likes

Team Firulais

Stage 1: Ana's Payback, and more mindreading incidents

(Mentioning: @Happyhungryhippo [The Rhino Squad], and @MrdjaNikolen [Team Chitco])

???, Menes, Holsia

Ángel had, for once, the night of his life. On comfort, that is. He was happy to finally be able to sleep comfortably, Mainly Thanks to Chantal’s gift, even in the Aurora’s disastrous interior, which was starting to get clobbered by Ángel’s Clothes.

However, one person who wasn’t having much fun… was Ana.

She’d found her credit card, at last. But, despite Ángel’s attempt, he wouldn’t go unnoticed. I mean, who would hide it in such an obvious place as the Sun visor… Only someone as analytical as Ángel would do such thing ! And, seriously, even his attempts of sabotaging other teams, if he does any, are evidently made by him. Probably because they aren’t as harmful… For example, “decorating” cars, removing non-essential parts (after all, Ángel, while sometimes evil-ish, didn’t want to make someone else’s car into a death trap), or causing turmoil for another team (say, waking them up with his frying pan, the only cooking device apart from the basics that HE can control). Up to this point, however, he didn’t feel like doing any mischief… But Ana did… And what better way to do mischief than in your own team as an act of payback ?

So, Ana, making hay about the fact the Firulais brought a bunch of Electronic Devices, connected an Alarm Clock to the Aurora’s Radio… And put it on full volume. As Ángel was sleeping so comfortably that night, he didn’t even notice until the clock hit 4:30 AM (The Clock wasn’t configured for Aetheriian Time [for reasons which are quite self-explanatory], so, it was around the very early morning of the day)… Whatever music was playing out of there made the entire car shake as Ángel got a well-deserved dish of payback… Ana would say. For Ángel, it was actually fair… Although, he did suffer much more than her, after all, she is the most wealthy member in the team, and Ángel is arguably the least in that aspect, despite having 2 cars as we speak.

And then, things got even worse.

As the day progressed at Menes, every single member of Team Firulais went on to do some last things on what could be their last visit at a major city in their entire trip. Tomás went to have some fun with the Nilpferds, Ana went to grab some drinks to drink later, Josué was busy in the bathroom, and Andrés, for once, wasn’t playing Pokémon. He would allow Ángel to “catch up”, so they could have a combat later in the Rally, so Andrés was making breakfast.

Ángel also went to have some fun with other teams, this time, with the Chitcos. He’d already hurd of them before, and so, he was going to try and be social… Which, was harder than you might think. With Ángel not being able to sleep more than, say, 5 hours that night, he was a bit tired. But the fact that he’d drive thru the first stage made his mood a bit higher.

Also, sadly, that ONE NIGHT of 5 hours (earth time) of sleep may be Ángel’s best night of sleep in the entire rally. Life just doesn’t give him a break.

And boy, today, it was going to be, unbeknownst to anyone, even him, his second Mindreading Incident. But, first, let’s put ourselves in context. As said before, Ángel was going to talk with the Chitcos…

“H-How do I even introduce myself… What am I going to do…?”
He thought. And decided to make a friendly approach… Which ended up seeming more like an awkward-scary approach… But, c’mon, it’s Ángel, what did you expect…?

Ángel:“H-Huh… H-Haro…”
Pi:“Did this guy just literally say ‘Hello’ in a Japanese-y way ?”
Andrea:“I mean, he looks Japanese.”
Ángel:“That’s because I kinda am. Anyway… I haven’t really introduced meself properly. Name’s Ángel, from Team Firulais…”

A wave of silence surrounded Ángel.

Ángel:“The one with the blue Aurora ?”

Again, silence…

Ángel:“OK, OK, the one team with the guy who reads minds ?”
Jakasxandra:“Ooh, that one. I remember hearing some rumors of someone wailing the day before we reached Nevada… And it was from THAT team.”
Bong:“Yeah… Who could have been ? He must be a weakass…”

Ángel pointed at himself with his finger.

Bong:“It was you ?”
Ángel:“The one-eyed, Russian-Japanese guy, who got punched in the gut the day before the trip, and nearly started a camp fire, literally…? Yes.”
Bong:“We never met someone like this… Show us your mystical powers !”
Said Bong, with excitement, as he’d never seen anything like that…
Ángel:“I-I… I can’t exactly do it…”
Pi:“What do you mean by that you can’t ? That’s laaaaame!”
Ángel:“I know, I’d love to show you but—”

It was at this point where Ángel’s Mindreading powers kick in… Reading Andrea’s mind… And, while definitely not as agonizing as the incident at Nevada, the guy suffered… His wailing and twitching made everyone around, even civilians, to look at him in such a way… Some were even alerted, and certain civilians were… Scared. They thought he was going to… Who knows, collapse and transform into some sort of legendary deity whose only purpose was wrecking havoc… Luckily for them, none of that was happening. It was just Ángel having his usual Mindreading side effects…

But, unfortunately for Ángel, this time around, none of his teammates were there to help him… He stopped after about 10 minutes (earth time), and got calm down after another 10 earth minutes… However, things were far from over for him…

Shortly after this first incident at Holsia, he’d have his second, reading accidentally the mind of one local civilian as he bought some bread in his way back to the car… This time, he caught so much the eye, he actually got stopped by the police… Luckily, he managed to get away, after a lot of chatter of course, but now Holsia had their eyes looking at him constantly…

When he arrived at his team’s place… The reception was cold… Except for Tomás, who was still laughing at what he’d seen earlier at the Nilpferds’ Tent.

Josué:“May you explain ?”
“What now…?”, thought Ángel, thinking he was going to have his THIRD INCIDENT OF THE DAY…

And while that didn’t happen… He’d still end up suffering.

Josué:“First, why did we overheat the day before this, and WHY were you sleeping during the breakdown ?”
Ángel:“Don’t I have the right to rest ? Specially after some really shaky days… And the Overheating problem… I mean, it could happen to anyone. I’ve Hurd another team also had the same issue.”
Josué:“OK, fine, but, then, why did you left us to repair it ourselves ?”
Ángel:“It was easy enough to fix ! Also, I did replace the fuses, so, I at least did SOMETHING !”
Ana:“Oh, yeah, and, about doing things… You know who woke you up ? Ángel, you sneaky little Communist Bastard !”
Ángel:“Hey, calm down…”(whispering) “And the Soviet Union doesn’t even exist anymore…”
Ana:“I’m not done yet, Ángel, you’ll see ! You shall suffer for as long as we are together !”
Ángel:“…”
Josué:“…and Lastly, WHY did you call the attention of the police ?”
Ángel:“Isn’t Ana the one who usually does that…?”
Josué:“I don’t care ! You’ve got us in trouble now !”
Ángel:“Hey, it was actually only ME the one who got in trouble…”
Josué:“What would happen if they arrest you, and then we have a breakdown which only YOU could fix, huh ?”
Ángel:“Look, First, Calm down, and Second… Remember my mindreading incident at Nevada ? Remember I can’t control it… And if I attempt to, I suffer even more than I usually do when I don’t. Imagine if you were resisting against something… Say, a storm. And then you loose strength periodically… Until you can’t anymore… And the storm destroys you…”
Andrés:“That’s actually a quite metaphorical way to say it… In other words, if you attempt to control it, it may come even worse…”
Ángel (via Telepathy to the entire team):“Well… Yeh… Besides, being… Different, from most, is quite weird here… I don’t know if they know about the Yumeisotitanian Race…”
Andrés:“The… What ?”
Ángel:sigh“L-Let’s stop discussing, and focus. We were going off the conversation… The fact is, though, I… I’m sorry…”

Ángel apologized for the inconveniences, but, was still pretty nervous… After all, this was a really shaky morning…

However, the drive to Unmar would rise his spirits.

???, Menes-Unmar Road, Holsia.

Unlike Stage 0, the car handled brilliantly with the tight roads. Asphalt and Cobblestone wasn’t exactly Ángel’s home turf though… But given it was wet, it felt like it (his “home turf” is Snow and Ice).

And apart from a little in-car discusion, the team was chilling out. Tomás was reading some Manga he’d brought, Ana was occasionally kicking in Ángel’s seat, and Josué was keeping an eye on Ángel, who, same as Andrés, was listening to some old Soviet song… Ángel had brought a few cassettes, all containing some music… Although he had also brought 2 blank cassettes… Along with a recorder, he’d use them as a “log”.

???, Unmar, Holsia.

Upon arrival on Unmar, reactions were mixed. Ana was a city girl, so she as sure as hell wouldn’t like this town… The opposite could be said of Ángel. He was born and lived in a small town in the Kuril Islands for quite some time (only moving occasionally to Nemuro [Small City in Hokkaidō, Japan] and to Vladivostok [where he lives at the moment]).

And Unmar gave him quite the small town vibes, so, he was actually a bit happy of being outside of the city… However, after the incidents at Menes, he, despite being in some way a Social Butterfly, he wouldn’t attempt to approach any of the locals… And, for his sake, that was actually an understandable decision…

And as always…

Also, my drawings… I admit, they are from not the best quality… But at least I’m trying…

4 Likes

Team Highway Hooligans

Stage 1


“Yee haw!”

Cody yells as they leave the first camp in a flurry of wheel spin and tire smoke, mostly thanks to Jake forgetting that the parking brake was still set.

Knowing that there was a rock coming up, and more importantly, it was on the inside of a corner that put their gas tank at risk, Jake takes the detour to avoid it, then weaves their front-wheel-drive car-van-truck-thing through the twisting, winding roads. The cobblestone roads cause the old plastics to rattle and squeak, and makes talking almost impossible. The patches of rough asphalt are a welcome reprieve, the suspension able to handle those bumps a lot better.

They breeze into camp a little after 3-and-39 Sun, where they quickly set up some tents… And then Cody decides to be that guy who turns the Ishu’s stereo up to blast some rock music.

“Well, at least when someone inevitably eggs our car,” Jake says, cracking open a can of chili and heating it on a small portable stove, “the rain should wash most of it off.”

Trevor chuckles and assembles a sandwich from a fresh-baked loaf of bread, some locally produced cheese, and some cooked chicken. “You worry too much, Jake. What I’m worried about is the fat slob over there,” Trevor says, pointing to Marie from Hillbilly Rollers, “breaking into our truck box and stealing our beer. Have you seen the prices of that shit around here? I did the math, it’s like $12 a bottle. Glad I stuffed 4 36-can cases of Coors Light in there, behind the jugs of oil and coolant, and under some blankets.”

“Good point,” Jake quips. “I swear, I saw her drinking window washer fluid the other day.”

“She ain’t right in the head, Jake,” Trevor adds in agreement.

2 Likes

Team Shift Happens


Stage 1


Kivenaal sighs. “We really need to leave the AI on for the whole trip?”

“It’s good training data for it. Where else are we going to be able to train an AI to drive a bus with a trailer to drive on tight, winding roads?” Malavera responds with a smirk.

Jayde shrugs. “I’m kinda with Kiva on this one. We’re going to be slow as it is, and then we have to deal with our digital gremlin. Or do I need to remind everyone about it brake-checking people when it went into the Rift?”

“That was a fluke. We forgot to take that out of the code,” Takaraya admits. “Besides, we’re on the road and the AI seems to be fine.”

“You’re not the one watching the screen of debug spew, Tak. It’s not confidence inspiring to see how often it barfs up “AI Panic” with some sort of message soon after,” Kivenaal grumbles.


Camp, however, was an easier matter for the Shift Happens crew. Simply toss down Jayde’s magic tent, pin it with tent stakes to the ground so it looks supported, and enjoy all the creature comforts of home, like climate control, electricity, a working refrigerator and stove, and separate bedrooms for everyone if they needed it.

“Downside of not having Rukari with us,” Kaylie admits, “is that we’re missing out on a lot of good camp stews.”

“Mani and Sariya seem to have that covered,” Kayden replies, motioning to the two of them in the kitchen, making something vaguely similar to spaghetti, but with Sariya’s homemade spicy sauce. For Jayde, Mani had a garlic-and-herb enhanced tomato sauce with much, much lower heat.

“Yeah, but even I can make pasta,” Kasiya counters.

“I think most of us are going to miss Rukari’s almost-infinite capacity for brewing alcohol,” Jayde adds. “We’ve got enough beer for everyone to have one bottle, and then we fight over the last one.”

“Any idea what we can trade, or who we trade with?” Lauren inquires.

“Fresh-cooked food for beer,” Sariya replies. “Seriously - Hunger will loosen some pockets.”

3 Likes

Shitbox Rally - Stage 1

Stage 2: Unmar to Lendehamn

Weather: High Teens, cloudy, occasional light rain showers.


We leave the small village of Unmar and head out on a surprisingly well-maintained road toward the next small city. As we approach, the landscape is dotted with farms, some with traction engines, some with relatively-new looking Fordson-style combustion tractors. Small villages can be seen scattered around near the farms, and when there aren’t farms or villages, it’s kilometers of forest. On the road, crews were forced several times to slow down for level crossings after the Hooligans made a report over the CB about “trying to get all the wheels in the air” over one of them.

Shift Happens has to make a stop at the side of the road for an hour to fix a problem with their brake interlock system. Turns out, the rear door of the bus had a door position sensor jammed up with fur, leading to the bus thinking the rear door had opened, and thereby putting the brakes on.

Team Firulais has to change a flat tire along with Transporttjäns Eriksson Aktiebolag Eslöv, The “Crazy” Eight, and the Argonites.

The Spy Kids, however, brought a formerly-expensive German car, which had an expensive German problem with the fuel injection system on this stage. 3 and a half hours are lost after the trigger was pulled on the parts cannon, and new fuel injectors are installed.

“Honey I Bought a S#!tbox” has never been so appropriate after an hour was lost to a mysterious misfire. It’s fixed for now, but there’s probably a reason “duct taping the spark plug wires onto the spark plugs” isn’t a dealer recommended fix.

Machinas Con Passione experiences a semi-catastrophic breakdown when the clutch starts slipping. Five hours later, they finish getting the “brand new” clutch in, but the decision is made to continue straight to the next stage instead of sitting in camp - It’s clear the car’s not as great as Giacomo seems to think.

Lendehamn turns out to be a small city of roughly 21,000 people, looking loosely like a classic 1930’s era European city. If you’re looking to buy something, as long as it’s something fairly common, you shouldn’t have too much trouble here.

Our camp ends up being on a nice empty plot, complete with “for sale” signs. Unfortunately, this means there’s no toilets or showers.

The train is neatly parked up in a siding near the station, providing the equivalent of a nice restaurant for those interested in trying more Holsian cuisine.

Spreadsheet is here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQriVPEky_B00QiZ6lYrtLVt-u3XWPQW7CvfFNFordo91W4o4LYgWKmW6-SchgIpnTR4wQ6cfSyyQfl/pubhtml

3 Likes

Team Shift Happens & Team Highway Hooligans & GECA - Interstellar

(Thanks to @Elizipeazie for the collaboration.)


Stage 2 Camp


Not much happened during the afternoon for GECA - Interstellar, having spent a sizable portion of their time setting up their bikes, some of which - cough Hugh and Björn cough - having difficulties, thus vastly extending this process.
Add to that lunch, later dinner, a bit of socializing for those willing or able and a more “official” meeting regarding the upcoming stages effectively killed enough time until the evening.

With the sun still comfortably above the horizon, Valentin hauled his equipment over to a semi-prepared “stage”.

Reference to what the "stage" looks like.

Once amplifier, guitar, microphone and minor ancillaries were dropped off, he headed back to fetch the battery to power it all.

Jake, Cody, and Trevor found themselves almost drawn to the stage as they witnessed the musical equipment being set up. Likewise, Jayde and Malavera wandered over there, ready to enjoy the live music.

Nearby-ish, but at a fair distance, Kivenaal, Kasiya, Inaelus, and Mani start practicing with their own instruments, though quite obviously keeping things quiet to not disturb the stage practice.

Shortly thereafter, Valentin returns, a battery about the size of the amplifier already on stage in hand.

“Looks like some people already showed up to see us play…” Valentin speaks to himself out loud while hoisting the battery onto one end of the flatcar, stepping up onto it afterwards.
Largely ignoring them for the time being, the equipment is neatly aligned centrally on the ‘stage’, followed by Val casually hooking things up to each other.

Jake laughs. “Yeah, it’s somewhat hard to beat “free concert” when the radios don’t work in the car.”

Trevor smirks. “He’s just cranky because none of us thought to make a mix tape.”

“For us,” Malavera adds, “it’s just something different than the music that the Four-Armed-Four over there have been practicing with.”

“I still have that bet against Lars,” Valentin comments, looking to the locomotives coupled to either end of the stage,
“Just one moment…”

He heads off towards the GECA train a third time, returning with three staff members, in turn boarding either locomotive while Valentin returns to his guitar on stage.

“Warning to you lot, might be loud,” he notifies, looking at those already present.
Once again, a quick glance is thrown to either side, followed by a singular, aggressive headbang, sending his hairdo flying around wildly, accompanied by a quick whistle blip from both engines.

“Works, good,” Valentin notes with a ‘thumbs up’ gesture to the engine on his left, followed by the same for the one to his right.

Cody laughs. “Oh, that’s mean - He’s even got steam whistles as instruments.”

“I explicitly told Lars that any supplementary things he might want or need to use are perfectly fine,” Valentin remarks while slinging the guitar over his shoulder.

At the flick of a switch, the guitar springs to life with a noticeable hum, followed by Valentin beginning the process of tuning it.

As the first notes drift across the campsite, Kaylie, Kayden, Lauren, and Sariya wander over at first, and Takaraya a few seconds later. Following them was most of GECA - Interstellar, including Lars, who seems very tensed up while approaching the stage and the others.

In the middle of Valentin turning around to fiddle with the amplifier and it’s settings, Lars seizes the opportunity:
“Val… I have news…” he said somewhat sheepishly, but still very much loud enough for everyone present to hear.
Valentin turns back around: “Sorry?”
“I have things to tell you…” Lars repeats, nervously twiddling thumbs in the process.
“I’m all ears,” Valentin replies, ever so slightly annoyed at having been interrupted, though not yet showing any of it.

“I take it you remember April 27th, 2022?” Lars inquired, mustering what little serious courage he had hidden behind his unfiltered self.

The inside of Jayde’s ears go ever-so-slightly pale as he recognizes the date. A quick, semi-discreet check on Mal shows that the fuse on the 520 pound bomb hasn’t been lit, but Jayde’s aware that it’s just a matter of time. With a few careful steps, Jayde tries to position himself in between Malavera and Lars, aware that with a few words, there were good odds that the angry werewolf would go on the attack.

“Ow! Fuck, Jayde, you just stepped on my foot!” Cody grumbles.

“Sorry. Had to move because my leg was bothering me,” Jayde replies, sliding a half-truth into his apology.

Trevor casually cracks open another beer and takes a long swig. “This fuckin’ six pack didn’t last that long,” Trevor mutters, his speech slurred a bit from the alcohol.

Valentin, likewise, distinctly remembers that date: “How could I not?”
And so did Norse, who did not dare to say anything yet, but also expected the worst, given the peculiar timing of this.

a long bit of silence fills the area

Mani looks over at Val and Lars, giving a light smirk as he sees a possible future play out. He nudges Kiva, Inaelus, and Kasiya and says quietly, “Oh, this is going to be a good fight.”

“Shouldn’t we stop it?” Kasiya inquires, just as quietly.

“No. Best possible future is if we don’t intervene,” Mani replies, checking through possible futures as fast as he can. “If any of us get involved, Val gets injured.”

By this time, Valentin was about to set the guitar aside when Lars finally spoke up again:
“You remember because someone in a Pb8 van ran into you and a good 15 others in one go. I remember, too…” Lars spoke, before releasing the bomb from it’s locks, “… I remember, because I was driving that van.”

What initially was miles of fuse that formed Valentin’s patience was lost in an instant, going from “calm” to “blood-boiling rage” in less than half a second.

Malavera’s eyes narrow in an instant, and with a swipe across the screen on his left wrist, he looks toward Lars with a deep, resonating growl.

“I am going to fold you in fucking half! Break everything. I WILL CRUSH YOUR SKULL AND DRINK YOUR BLOOD FROM A BOOT!” Malavera roars, trying to charge toward Lars, only to be blocked by Jayde.

Jayde growls with effort as he tries to hold back 520 pounds of nanite-amplified Khalan, knowing he couldn’t Wyld shift to get the advantage here. He quickly invokes a spell of Amplified Strength, trying his best to hold Malavera back. It works for a few precious moments…

Precious moments which Valentin also uses for a war-cry directed at Lars:

:sweden: “YOU SHALL FEEL WHAT BEING INCHES AWAY FROM DEATH IS LIKE!!!”, Valentin shouts out of full lungs, starting a complex set of actions as he tries to weaponize his guitar as well as get a run-up at Lars from atop the flatcar, neither of which wholly successful.

The other GECA members present either run off entirely to seek refuge elsewhere or clear out a significant area to watch from afar, not wanting to “meddle” with “personal matters”.

The guitar, still plugged into the amp, yanks the cable out of it’s port on the guitar end. A minor loss in balance due to this has Val shoulder the microphone boom away from himself, dropping it and the microphone into a small puddle on the flatcar with a deafening screech of feedback before going silent to moisture damage.

Still, Valentin manages to land an airborne overhead swing with the guitar against Lars’ right shoulder, losing grip of the former and downing the latter.

Malavera snarls as Jayde continues to fight with him, though he exploits a weakness as he twists his right hand out of Jayde’s left handed grip, then promptly strikes Jayde’s old bite scar. As Jayde yowls in pain, Malavera uses that moment to pick Jayde up and hurl him across the flatcar “stage.”

Jayde lands hard on the tracks behind the stage with a sharp, snapping crunch and a pained groan. Scattered around him are an amplifier, a battery pack, and now one very mangled microphone boom. He glances over to his right arm, seeing that his forearm is definitely broken.

“May you have an interesting day for this, Mal.” Jayde grumbles.

Malavera growls softly as he looks toward Valentin and Lars.

Trevor, never one to lose a perfect opportunity to get involved in an ass-kicking, runs up and tries to kick Lars, misses, and ends up throwing dirt over his clothes. He then promptly falls on his ass and starts laughing.

Lars, now on the ground and in ample pain, is pretty much defenseless, a fact that Valentin eagerly makes use of:

:sweden: “THIS… IS… FOR… WHAT… YOU… DID… TO… UUUSSSSSSSSSSS!!!” Valentin continues, still with a full force shout while aggressively kicking into the side of Lars.

Norse, meanwhile, is unable to put a stop to it, given that he never even experienced Val like this before, and that is not even considering the obvious weight and strength disadvantage…

Malavera shakes both of his heads, slowly coming out of his blood-wild rage and focusing on the fight properly. He sees Valentin kicking the ever-living shit out of Lars’ side and tries to close the distance, planning to push Val out of the way.

Unfortunately, having forgotten his strength when nanite boosted, what was intended to be a light push turns into a full-blown American-football tackle into Val’s back, knocking Valentin off of his feet. Luckily for Valentin, the 500 pound werewolf isn’t landing on him. Unluckily for Lars, the now-off-balance Malavera comes crashing down on top of him with a weighty thud.

With Malavera at his back and all his focus being on Lars, Valentin had no way of even remotely anticipating the tackle, which very effectively allows Malavera to send him to the ground.
While Valentin failed to cushion the blow, he was lucky enough to not break his nose on impact, instead taking a good hit and slide on the ground nearby.

Lars, likewise, still is in pain and pretty much unable to act in any coherent form, courtesy of Malavera now adding to the pain by virtue of his full weight being atop Lars.

Malavera groans and starts the slow process of getting up off of the ground and Lars. This, however, is not a graceful effort, leading to a hand supporting most of his upper body weight ending up on Lars’ shoulder, a knee in Lars’ kicked-to-hell side, his other knee putting pressure on Lars’ thigh, all in the many seconds it takes for Malavera to stand back up.

Cody smirks. “Surprised when you fell on him that you didn’t squash him flat as a pancake.”

“Nah. They don’t call stupid people “dense” for nothing,” Jake quips. “You could probably drop Kasiya on him and just get an “ow” out of him. Those sorts of people rarely get hurt.”

Not much happens for Valentin, now on the ground and fairly decently scratched and banged up. His glasses have seemingly sailed to the moon, having landed quite a ways off from him, breaking on impact.

Lars, however, cannot stop himself from belting out the mother of all pain-induced screams as Malavera “gracefully” gets off of Lars, obliterating the already FUBARd shoulder even further while adding more damage to his side and thigh.

:sweden: “What the FUCK did I just witness!?” Norse finally mutters, having seen this mess unfold from the very first row.

Malavera quietly steps away from Lars, heading over to check on Valentin. As he does so, he returns his nanites to normal mode, grimacing and wincing as he feels every bruise he’s picked up from the skirmish.

“Sorry, Val. I didn’t mean to tackle you. Was trying to push you away from the fight once I came to my senses,” Malavera admits.

With a subtle grunt, Valentin rolls around to his back before propping himself up to a seated position with his arms, revealing a lightly scratched up face full of dirt missing a pair of glasses.

:sweden: “GO TO FUCKING HELL YOU INCURABLE PIECE OF SHIT-STAINED UNDERWEAR!!!”, Valentin blares at Lars and past Malavera, leaning over a bit to get a better view at the ‘victim’, now surrounded by a couple of vaguely supportive GECA members.

Trevor grabs onto Malavera to pull himself up, swaying like a drunk snake despite holding onto the equivalent of a fur-covered tree. As he finally gets up onto his feet, he’s immediately doubled over as he vomits, splattering Lars with puke.

“Fuck. What a waste of good beer,” Trevor mutters.

Lars at this rate has gotten it all, a guitar to the shoulder, a major ass-kicking, being used by a 230-odd Kilo Khalan as a support and now a sink by a drunk Trevor.
Still, the amount of pain he is in prevents him from doing pretty much anything.
Those around him try to help to the best of their non-existent abilities.
The only ones able to help refuse to do so, agreeing with Valentin’s notion of him having deserved every bit of it.

Valentin himself remains furious, verbally bombarding Lars with an unexpectedly large array of Swedish profanities, insults and general trashtalk.

With Valentin at least confirmed to be okay enough to still hurl angry insults at Lars, Malavera heads over to check on Jayde, managing to trip over the tracks and make a similarly-heavy face-plant to Valentin on the far side of them. In the fall, one set of his glasses falls off and ends up broken on a rock.

“Fucking hell… And of course I didn’t bring spares,” Malavera mutters.

Kayden, on the other hand, heads over to Jayde without much of an issue, quickly working to stabilize Jayde’s broken arm.

“Sorry, I know this hurts, but we have to set that arm so you can heal. Ideally, we’d get one of the camp’s medics to take a good look at it, or maybe get a mystic to heal it… Right now, the main concern is getting it set and then getting a cast on it,” Kayden admits.

“This really fucking hurts,” Jayde grumbles.

At this point, Valentin has bled enough steam to cool off a little, to the point where he is no longer shouting profanities across the area. Realizing the lack of glasses, he looks around in search for them.
The initial look-around turns into an actual search as nothing was immediately visible, revealing a pair of bent-to-oblivion glasses nearby.

:sweden: “Crap…” he mutters as they break in two during the attempt at bending them back to shape.

Lars, meanwhile, managed to utter the words “I wanna go home…”, which prompted a good 5 people or so practically running off to fetch whatever he brought along to the event, placing it near him so that he is directly touching it all in some capacity.

Afterwards, a small discussion ensues as to who gets the honor of turning his ring to send him home, eventually granting Astrid the privilege of doing so.

A couple of turns at the ring and a few seconds of waiting have Lars magically vanish, complete with everything he brought along.

Kayden sighs as he works with Jayde. “Hey, Norse, I could use your help here. I need you to go into our bus and look for a bright red plastic case. It’ll have some markings on it that you probably won’t be able to read, and a white star on either side of it. Weighs about 10 kilos.”

Norse, somewhat snapped out of his shock-induced trance, blurts out a quick “Sure…” before heading off towards their bus.
Shortly after, he returns, but without the case:
“How do I get into the bus?”, he inquires, seeing Jayde and Valentin’s equipment scattered around behind the flatcar, “I am not going to ask how this came to be…”

Valentin, at this rate, also spotted his guitar in the distance, heading over there to check on it.
Initially, it appears surprisingly unharmed, barring some scratches from it impacting the dirt.
Failing to spot the amp on stage, he starts looking around the area for the remainder of his equipment…

Kayden looks to Norse, then gives an apologetic look. “Under the front bumper, near the door, there should be a button. Push that, the door should open,” Kayden explains. “Sorry, forgot we locked up after we parked.”

Jayde groans in pain as Kayden continues to hold his arm together. “Fucking hell, that hurts!”

“Sorry, Jayde. I’ll give you something for the pain once I have my med-kit,” Kayden admits. “Something for the pain, get that arm set, in a cast, and possibly in a sling. I’d give you something to speed up healing, but-”

“Just fucking do it, Kayden. It’s bad enough I’ll be spending the next six weeks in a cast,” Jayde grumbles.

“Guess we’re getting another one in the nanite club, then,” Kayden admits.

“Right…” Norse comments, already hurrying back to the bus and quickly retrieving the box Kayden asked for. Soon after, he returns plonking down the box wherever practical.

Immediately after, Valentin also joins the scene.
“May I ask what the FUCK happened here!?”, he inquires, spotting Jayde with a broken arm, Kayden providing first aid, Norse still fumbling with a nondescript-to-Val box and his remaining equipment strewn across the area.

Jayde gives a weak smile. “The short answer? I prevented things from being worse than they already are. The long answer? When Lard-for-brains Lars decided to mention he was the one who wiped you out last year, you weren’t the only one who lost it. I tried to restrain Malavera so no one would die today… And he tossed me aside like a bug. I took a tumble across the stage, then landed on my right arm… And that microphone stand.”

Kayden, upon seeing the box arriving thanks to Norse, quickly opens the med-kit and looks through his supplies. “Okay, this’ll cut the pain a bit, Jayde,” Kayden says. He quickly administers the medication, ignoring Jayde’s wince, then waits for it to start taking an effect. Once that was confirmed working, he grabs a roll of what seemed like a basic pressure bandage and carefully starts wrapping Jayde’s right arm in it. After he’d wrapped it up, Kayden soaks the bandage in water, then applies the other, light-red colored bandage layer, adding more water as he works.

“Instant cast,” Kayden explains. “Apply layers, add water. I’ve found it works a bit better if you soak the inner layer first. Solidifies in a minute. Now, Jayde, I want you to be completely honest with me, nanites or no nanites? I know you’re a quick healer, but this is a significant injury.”

“I have no issues eating a bit more to have quicker healing. Besides, it’ll probably be helpful at some point,” Jayde admits.

“Deserved all of it…” Valentin grumbles, haphazardly sliding the guitar back onto the flatcar, the momentum carrying it quite a ways ‘inland’.
Leaning against the side of that flatcar, he continues: “Plays bowling with a crew of cyclists and then has the nerve to join that same group and HIDING it for A WHOLE YEAR!”

“I would try and be the voice of reason now, but… he really fucking deserved it…” Norse admitted.

Jayde smiles weakly. “Only reason I got involved is because death-by-Malavera would have been too quick of a punishment for him. Especially given that he’s been stirring the shit-pot by mocking you for the injuries he caused.”

He takes a deep breath, then sighs. “May someone one day do to him what he did to you, Val.”

Kayden picks up a small, metal cylinder that Valentin might find familiar, then grabs Jayde’s left arm and quickly, though carefully administers the nanites. “Okay… It’ll take a bit for those to take hold, but it should help once they’re up and running. For now…”

Kayden opens a pocket in the med-kit, pulling out a slightly-bulky, rectangular-screened smart-watch, securing it around Jayde’s left wrist. “That should at least give you an idea about how they’re doing. Right now, because you have a major injury, they’ll be in “repair mode” until that arm is healed.”

“He has been stirring the shit-pot ever since he joined…” Valentin admitted, crossing his arms.

“Mocked your ass for the injuries, mocked your ass for the modelling thing you did on the side while looking infinitely better than Lars ever could, mocked your ass for playing guitar, mocked your ass for a slew of things I cannot remember now…” Norse recounted with his fingers, “Yes. He still wholly deserved the ‘gay ass payback’ via guitar…”

The mention of a guitar has Valentin turn around once more, reaching for his own one on the flatcar and dragging it back to himself.
Just like before, it looks to be largely intact, apart from some additional scratching on the body and headstock courtesy of it sliding across the rough wooden paneling that makes up the flatcar floor.

Kayden keeps an eye on Jayde, assisted in this by Nova, displaying Jayde’s vital signs on her screen. “Well, looks like Version 2 is… Already starting to do some work. Also, if you need some more pain relief, just ask,” Kayden says.

Jayde gives a half-hearted shrug. “I’ve honestly felt worse.”

Valentin checks the strap of it, delightfully discovering it being mostly intact as well.
Therefore, he shoulders it again and plucks away at it for a moment, realizing that tossing it around threw the tuning of it waaay off, but at least the strings seem to be in good-enough shape.
Heading over to the remaining equipment nearby, his luck ends as he finds the amplifier severely busted-up and very-obviously inoperable, possibly not even fixable. The battery pack, however, seemed to have survived largely unscathed:

“Yeah I am not playing anytime soon here. No amp, likely no mic and a guitar in at-best questionable state…” Valentin notes, chucking his equipment back onto the flatcar as per the ‘nothing but tire tracks’ rule, “maybe the cables are salvageable, but that is about it, I think…”

“Even more shit to blame Lars with, at least.” Norse comments half-jokingly.

Please shut up, I don’t want anything to do with that bunker-buster of a retard anymore…” Valentin counters, still plucking away at the guitar a bit, partly to see how well the strings are holding tension, but mostly as a means of distraction from this mess.

Kayden looks over to Valentin. “I know you hate favors, but… You could ask Mani if you can borrow his guitar and amplifier for a bit. I know he brought his synthesizer, so it’s not like he can’t play if you’re playing. I think they vaguely had plans to do a set as a group after your guitar battle, but…”

Jayde smirks. “I don’t think anyone anticipated you’d take “guitar battle” literally.

“Nah… I think I will just drag all of this mess back up front and make an attempt at sleeping it off…” Valentin mutters, throwing a quick glance over at Norse who immediately got the memo of helping with haulage.

Having collected the scrap metal and plastic, the two once again look at Jayde and Kayden:
“Hope you get well soon… Maybe I’ll ask Mani sometime later, but not now…” Valentin speaks quietly.
“If you need anything else, I can help once I’m done with this stuff here,” Norse adds before they both head off towards the GECA train to store the equipment in.

Kayden smiles. “We’ll be okay, Norse. Hardest part is going to be getting Jayde somewhere comfortable with him having a… much shorter walking distance now.”

Jayde gives a light shrug. “I’ve felt worse, but not being able to use my cane or walking stick is going to suck.”

Kayden slowly helps Jayde up to his feet, leading him over to the bus to rest. He then does the same for Malavera, checking for any injuries as a result of tripping over the train tracks. With all injured parties cared for, he closes up his med-kit and puts it back on the bus.

“Hopefully, that’s the worst this year will throw at us,” Jayde says.

5 Likes

Stage 1 - Evening
*team mentioned: Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab *

Thomas and Jan knew something was wrong when Chanty smiled and had a mood too good for her.
Not too long after, a raging Marie with an axe ran towards the rhino tent. Without saying a word, both knew that Chanty brought herself in trouble again.

“Be a man now!”

“THOMAS, THAT´S 150 KILO OF HILBILLY RAGE!”

“Yeah, so you better be a man then.”

Marie was thankfully stopped before she could harm Chanty with the axe, and Jan wasn´t too disappointed about that, giving his nervous girlfriend a protective hug and waiting for the others, mainly Maries own teammates, to solve the problem for him.

The next morning - Stage 2
teams mentioned: Shift Happens by @Madrias, GECA by @Elizipeazie and Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab

The jetlag between the different day durations struck Chanty like a lightning, and she woke up exhausted again. After a shower, she put on her headphones and closed her eyes while walking to enjoy the music better – this not too smart habit of hers caused her bumping into another person again – and since this one was way larger than her, she fell on the ground hard.

„AAAH! Damn, that hurts.“

„On what mission have you been, running straight into me? Is that a… pairing ritual?“

„OH! It´s… you?“

Kiva looked quite amused when he looked down on Chanty, still making a painful faclal expression, as she ran with quite some force into him. As she failed a quite pathetic attempt to get up again, Kiva helped her onto a bench.

„I guess you don´t want more of these fried scorpions? So, what is it then?“

„I just forgot to open my eyes, because I was…. elsewhere in my thoughts, sorry. Damn, I can´t stand up. My pants are torn, and my knee hurts a lot… AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!“

“Hey, calm down, I am sure there is no need to cry, as I am sure you are fine, but I believe you that it was a bit painful. I can bring you to your campsite and give you a cool pack.”

Kiva checked on Chanty, but thankfully no serious injury happened to her, as she just fell on a bruise that was about to heal, and the giant Kiva took Chanty and just carried her back to the camp, even if considered Chanty quite heavy for her size, he had already lifted heavier people before with his four arms.
Thomas was already cleaning up the campsite with Jan and just held a bottle with something weird in it. After a short chatter about the reason of Chantys Valraadi „Taxi“, Kiva pointed towards the bottle that Thomas put aside when he took his daughter and placed her in his camping chair.

„Thomas, what the hell is hat?“, asked a curious Kiva.

„Chili Wodka, selfmade.“

Kiva, being into exotic alcoholics, thought it would be a great invitation to prank the german freakshow again.

“Anything stronger than beer is forbidden here, and if you get caught with that, all of you could be in jail for 7 years. That’s… Almost 11 back on Earth. They take rum-running seriously here.”

Jan made a very annoyed face that told „THOMAS, I HAVE TOLD YOU!“ without even saying a word, and Chanty just sat there with eyes wide open.

„Eh, this is a joke, right?“

„No, Thomas. Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve gotten people out of trouble. I’ll take that off of your hands - Because higher strength alcohol is part of Valraadii religions, we’re allowed to have some on hand. It’ll be our secret."

When Kiva walked away, trying hard not to burst into laughter, Jan complained to a demotivated Thomas mourning his bottle.

„Dude! I knew your drinking habits will cause trouble.“

“He trolled us! I am sure!”,

said Thomas, suspecting that his precious bottle had been looted the smart way.

“And even if, you can´t do anything against his six arms, dad.”

“He has four, Chanty.”

“Oh? I see six, but I also feel a bit dizzy from the impact. He was sooo huge…as if I ran against a rock. You call ME heavy? Try this guy then!”

Chanty grabbed the map, following the route in her thoughts.


“Oh, finally some more civillization. Well, I think I drive today.”

After opening the driver door, Chanty freaked out.

“ORRRRRRR NEEEE! EUER ERNSTE? WIE GOMMT IHR UFF SON MIST? WHAT IS THAT? A BRATWURST WUNDERBAUM?”

“Yeah, that bubblegum stench you want is terrible, so I thought I spice it up with something delicious. I thought you like food?”

“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!”

While the Rhinos were still busy with arguing, Marie took the opportunity and stole Kivas bag full of looted alcohol. Being a prankster, Kivenaal of course not only took Thomas precious spirit, but also did that prank on other teams - and Marie, told by Janne and Andreas to NOT focus on Chanty, shifted all her attention back to the usual: The other team´s alcoholics, noticing Kivas tactics.

Of course Kiva would know who is the thief, and might prepare a revenge prank…

Soon after, the Rhinos started off, with the Primus purring like a satisfied cat. A few kilometers later, Chanty and Thomas were again arguing about Thomas music, now blazing a tape from E-Rotic.

MAXDONTHAVES*XWITHYOUREXITWILLMAKELIFECOMPLEX

Chanty turned down the volume.

“This is my car, and I will keep it free of devil music! That´s a treasure of the 90s! You know, your mother and me…”

“I CANT HEAR YOUUUUUUU!”, laughed Chanty, putting on her headphones.

“Eh! That´s dumb. You can´t hear anything then! Eh, nevermind, besides the rallye drivers there is hardly any traffic anyway. Thomas, I think we can let that slide as long as we look after our surroundings for her,”

“Jan, can you at least stop her singing? THIS IS AWFUL!”

Chanty was actually calmed down by her weird music, and so they had a safe arrival at the destination, even as 15th, they were quite slow. But better Chanty drove like a overly caraful teenie girl than like a total maniac.
Later in the afternoon, the teams Shift Happens and GECA have set up a stage to perform music, but before they could do that, a huge brawl started, and Thomas made himself ready to enter.

“EH! That strange slenderman is kicking the one on the ground. Nah, I can´t let that slide, he will kill him. See you later!”

“DAD NO! NO! HE IS MUCH YOUNGER AND TALLER THAN YOU! JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN STOP HIM!”

Chanty, having the speed of a tortoise with broken legs, couldn´t stop her father, but Jan was also out of range. If Thomas had target fixation, he was hard to stop despite his age.

“Crap, he is too fast… ah, that could work!”

Jan grabbed a beer bottle and threw it at Thomas full force, and the bottle knocked him out instantly.

“YOU IDIOT! YOU SHOULD STOP AND NOT KILL HIM!”

“You asked me to stop him, and he is stopped, damn!”

“Yes, and now the wolf with two heads there has …”

“It´s Malavera.”

“Nevermind, Malavera has stopped Valentin now. Couldn´t you have waited a bit to throw the bottle?”

“I am fed up with both of you. Whatever I do, it´s always wrong and you are not helping here, in fact, you mostly cause all the trouble. I really love you, but you should grow up!”

Jan regretted it the moment after the last word was spoken, as Chanty exploded in tears and tried to run away, well, it was not really running, as both her not too sporty figure and her injured knee prevented her from being really fast, but Jan now had the choice of running after her or checking for Thomas, and as a trained medical, he had no other choice but to focus on Thomas, who would surely need some time to get back on his feet again.

Meanwhile, Chanty, trying to ignore her aching knee, got lost in the forest, still in an emotional chaos. And as she had thrown away her SOS and Teleport ring as she didnt want to be localized easily, was completely alone on herself - and it was now becoming really dark and rather cold, and she was freezing with her thin t-shirt and completely exhausted, as she might “ran” three kilometers.

Thomas woke up an hour later from that point, and he was deeply worried about Chanty, after Jan told him what happened. Finding her rings didn´t ease the situation at all, so they searched for her.

Chanty meanwhile has not gotten any further, as she gave it all more or less up, just sitting on a rock and waiting for everything to happen - but suddenly a tree snake lost grip of the branch it was on and fell on Chanty, who freaked out, ran in any direction - directly into a tree, because she focussed on the snake that was propably more scared than her.

The impact caused her a bloody nose, and the fall wasn´t better for her knee either, so she finally decided to do something: Screaming for help, which was heard by Thomas and Jan who already got quite close to Chantys location.

“AAAAAAAAH!”

“Thomas, relax, its not poisonous. They don´t even bite!”

“How do you know, Jan?”

“Because I read the folder about the local nature, unlike you two. Malavera gave it to me when I talked to him about the green foxes.”

“So… it is not dangerous?”, asked Chanty, still with a craking voice.

“Less dangerous than your dad for sure!”

“CAREFUL, JAN! I AM NOT DEAF!”,

barked Thomas, grabbing the snake and curiously, but also a bit annoyed, looking at it.

“I want it then.”

“What?”

“If its friendly, I need to apologize for it! You grabbed the snake waaaay to harsh. And the snake is propably cold, I need to warm it up.”

“CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

4 Likes

Team Firulais

Stage 2: Alcohol Shenanigans, Bee Problems, and Car Crashes

(Collab with @MrdjaNikolen [Team Chitco])

Afternoon at Unmar.

Ana:“Ahora bien… Dónde es que está su botella de agua… Oh ! Aquí está. Vale, hora de hacer el cambio entre agua ordinaria, y… Ehh… Agh, todavía no le he puesto nombre… B-Bueno, la cosa, como sea que se vaya a llamar.”
(“Now… Where is his water bottle… Oh ! Here it is. Right, time to make the swap between ordinary water and… Uh… Argh, I still haven’t named it… W-Well, the thing, whatever it’s going to be called…”)

That was Ana’s way to say that she is now doing some swap into someone else’s water bottle. The water in there goes to some puddle of mud, and in the bottle comes in some homebrew alcohol… Now, Ana had bought some drinks back at Menes, but she’d also brought some homebrew booze that she usually made, and was enjoyed by her teammates. The only teammate that hadn’t tasted it yet… was Ángel. And, as a second act of payback, she’d decided to take advantage of one of Ángel’s many, many weaknesses. Namely, his low resistance to alcohol.

The Russian-Japanese mechanic didn’t even notice, despite the drink’s unusual smell or colour, but he did notice when he saw the world getting weird… when his senses got dumber. When he felt dizzy and active at the same time.

He walked into the woods, and didn’t come back in a while. And as he drank his bottle to the point it was empty, he was so dizzy that he nearly got entirely lost (to give an idea… He gets drunk with a SINGLE BOTTLE of Rosé beer… And Ana’s Home-brewed Booze was actually fairly strong… Yeah, you can see where this is going). Luckily for him, Andrés and Tomás had come as well, several hours later, to come and rescue him from his alcohol shenanigans.

Around Midnight at Unmar.

Andrés:“I seriously didn’t believe he’d drink.”
Tomás:“Neither have I. Where on earth-- Err, I mean, where in Aetherii did he go…?”
Ángel (nearby, tired and drunk):“Мама, сегодня пятница, мне пора в школу…”
(“Mom, it’s friday, I have to go to school…”)
Andrés:“That’s him.”
Tomás:“How do you know ?”
Andrés:“His voice. As well as the language… Not to mention, he’s already said that once before. Remember when we were doing a Sleepover at your house ?”
Tomás:“Y-Yeaaah…”
Andrés:“Remember how Ángel fell asleep watching the TV, and when we woke him up at like 1 AM…”

They both started laughing at that memory. Ángel’s reaction at that moment was actually quite funny: he said the words, and then proceeded to go to the bathroom and showered, and got in clothes to go out, only to then notice the time and day they were actually in. It was just him not paying attention, but, it was a fairly funny memory given the circumstances…

However, and back in Real Time, Andrés was carrying Ángel (an authentic lightweight by the way), and it was all going fine. That is, until they reached camp.

Andrés:“…see? He’s that light. I bet he’s even lighter than you.”
Tomás:“Hehe, maybe…”

Ángel then let the poison out by puking out, ruining Andrés’ Shirt in the process…

Morning at Unmar.

A hungover Ángel woke up in the Aurora.

Ángel (to himself):“Печаль во благо… Такое ощущение, что моя голова вот-вот взорвется…”
(“Good Grief… I feel like my head is about to blow up…”)
Ana:“Morning…”
Josué:“I hurd Ángel had a funny night.”
Ángel:“Ugh… I barely get to remember anything from last night, so, I don’t really know what you’re talking about…”

He said as he wincingly came out of the car.

Ángel:“And I’m as dry as Darvaza…”
Josué:“And you…”sniff“Dude, you smell like if you had just passed thru a garbage dump.”
Ángel:“Again… I dunno what happened last— Oh. …aaaaaand, uh… W-Why is Andrés without a shirt…?”
Andrés:“Oh, you know what happened.”
Ángel:“I-I didn’t do anything !”
Ana:giggles
Ángel:“What did I do now ? P-Please, t-tell me…!”
Tomás and Josué:they also began laughing.
Ángel:“G-Guys ?!?”

Ana laughed too, evilishly, as Ángel couldn’t really do much to defend himself. Ana was happy today, because of many things: first, her payback actions had payed off really well as of now, and she was delighted after hearing Ángel didn’t even remember what happened in his crazy holsian night (meaning she could REALLY take advantage of that one weakness of his…). Second, Ana was driving today, something she really wanted to do. And third, they were leaving Unmar today, which was something Ana really, REALLY wanted to do, as Unmar was far, far from her tastes.

Road to Lendehamn.

The interior of the Firulais during the fast drive to Lendehamn was as usual. Although this time, everyone insisted on not sitting even near to Ángel. Probably because of his smell after that drunken night. “If I smell so badly then, I shall take a shower as soon as we arrive to the next camp”, he promised, as Ana drove the Aurora to the limit. She was at her home here, given the road’s good condition. She still was very reckless, but, hey, she didn’t crash ! Although, during the trip, besides the puncture of a tire, which took little to fix, came another interesting issue…

Ana:“Do I hear buzzing ?”
Andrés:“It may come from the radio. Maybe one of Ángel’s cassettes is stuffed.”
Ángel:“If that were the case, then the radio would most likely not make a noise, maybe even ruin the tape, but, not that noise. It also doesn’t compare to radio stat–”
Tomás:“Uhh… G-Guys ?”
All (except Tomás, at semi-unison):“What ?”

Tomás proceeded to point to the roof, more specifically, the left-hand side B-Pillar… There was a bee sitting right there. Everyone got a bit frightened… Specially our man, Ángel, who didn’t like insects at all (unless they were harmless). During those 5 minutes or so, which felt like more, they remained quiet and still, and they also slowed the pace down a bit, until finally the bee decided it had enough with annoying them and went out thru the window.

After that, their drive was pretty much back to ordinary. And they finished in a very respectable 4th Place for the stage, although the Firulais didn’t know that until later that day.

Sunset at Lendehamn.

Everyone in the crew got their things up to snuff. Andrés bought a new shirt, Tomás was having a walk around the city, Ángel had showered (In case you wonder how, he asked a local… A local who didn’t knew about Ángel’s Incidents at Menes, luckily)… But Josué and Ana were about to have some fun with the Aurora: after Ana’s drifting shenanigans at Vladivostok, she’d do them again that afternoon at sundown, this time she did better. That’s until she hit the Chitco’s Kontir (which, by that point had just arrived) with the Aurinko’s rear bumper… Josué, Ángel and Ana were in the Aurinko at that moment, and, before the Chitcos noticed, Ana literally made a “How to swap seats with your mates” in a matter of seconds… Later making Ángel look like if he was the one who made the mess…

However, when the Chitcos came to inspect, it seemed like the Aurinko had taken more damage than it dished out. Yet it would be Ángel the one to apologize again. Although, unlike the drifting shenanigan at Vladivostok, this time Ángel wouldn’t loose cash, nor get a punch in the gut. In fact, after this, the boys made a secret agreement… For every time Ana crashes into someone or something, even a minor crash, she paid out $25 USD to each other member in the team… The pact would get in Motion by Stage 3, given she had decided that she’d drive for Stage 3 too… Let’s see how that works out…

Later that night, Andrés would make a bet with Ángel… But for something different.

Remember when Andrés told Ángel they could swap places to sleep in ? Well… Andrés proposed him this: Every Night, they had a Pokémon Combat. If Ángel won, he got the right to sleep in a tent that night and the next night as well. If Ángel lost, he would keep sleeping in the Aurora.

Now, why is this ? To incentive Ángel to play, of course… And also help Andrés to grind the game… Andrés is quite a Videogame Tryhard.

Let’s say that, in this first combat of the trip, Andrés mopped the floor with Ángel. So the Mechanic-Driver would sleep for the 6th Night in a Row (counting the nights at Nevada as well) in the Aurora… and Ángel was already getting accustomed, so now the interior was more like a minor concern for him.

As always, Collabs are open.

Also, sorry for once again, no Images… I shall try to make the next ones feature from 1 to 2 drawings at the very least.

3 Likes

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 1.2 - BERZERK AT CAMP

Standing there, looking like a wet dog, with the exploded coke bottle in her hand, it was pretty clear that Marie had enough. Now, someone had pushed her over the edge, and was probably going to regret that too.

“THAT’S IT!”, she said while getting an axe from the IP that the team had brought with them in case some roots or something would cause troubles. “NOW THAT STUPID KID WILL REGRET BEING BORN!”

“Can’t you just relax a bit?”, Janne said. “You have probably shaken the bottle or something…”

“SHAKEN THE BOTTLE?”, she replied back in a furious tone. “No fuckin’ way. I am sure she rigged this, and this means the end!”

“Hey, what are you going to do with that axe?”, Andreas asked her.

Running towards the Rhino Squad’s tent in fury, she declared the whole thing pretty loud. “WHAT I AM GOING TO DO? FIRST I AM GOING TO KILL THAT STUPID KID! AND THEN I AM GOING TO SMASH THE PRIMUS TO SMITHEREENS! AND THEN I AM GOING TO MAKE A STEERING WHEEL COVER OUT OF THAT UGLY LITTLE PLUSH ANIMAL! RAHHHHHH!”, she screamed so barely anyone can have missed it, while running with the axe towards the Rhinos.

“You’re going nowhere!”, both Janne and Andreas said, while running after her. Being a bit quicker than Marie with her…eh….somewhat ungainly amount of mass, they managed to run fast enough to catch up with her, but stopping her seemed to be a bit more of a struggle.

“CAN WE GET SOME HELP WITH CALMING DOWN CIRKA 2 TONNES OF FURY?”, Andreas shouted all over the camp, while desperately trying to stop Marie from waving with the axe.

Murray from team Cunning Stunts looked up. “On it!”, he said.

On the other side of the camp, near the GPV, Neil hears the call for help. He shares a glance with Miles, who just nods at him. He mutters to himself. “Well shit.”
Then, he goes around the side of their truck, opens the passenger door and retrieves his USP-C handgun. Hopefully, he wouldn’t need to use it.

Meanwhile, Murray was dashing towards Hillbilly rollers. “GET THE AXE, I’LL GET HER ON THE GROUND”

Falling into pace with Murray, Neil somehow gets to Marie before him, and he goes for the axe. He grabs the handle just below the axe head, and holds on for dear life. He isn’t worried about strength, for sure, but what would happen if he lost his grip on it. Murray then takes for a Steve Irwin style take down forcing Marie Away from Neil and the axe.

“Are you going to calm down now?”, Andreas asked Marie in a voice that proved that he was everything but pleased.

Seeing that Neil now seems to be free, and holding the axe, Janne said “Good, get that one back to the IP”.

“LET ME LOOSE!”, Marie was screaming.

“IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP WE WILL DUCT TAPE YOU TO A TREE AND YOU WILL HAVE TO SLEEP LIKE THAT TONIGHT, UNDERSTOOD?”, Andreas shouted to Marie in an even less pleased voice.

“I WILL KILL THAT GODDAMNED KID, JUST LET ME LOOSE!”, Marie continued to shout.

“Tape the Legs”, Murray said.

“Yeah, probably that is a good idea”, Andreas said, shouting to Neil “HEY, GET A ROLL OF DUCT TAPE FROM IT TOO!”

In that moment, Neil’s half-brother walks over, holding a pair of police grade handcuffs. “This is a better solution.” Neil steps over out of the way, as Miles one of Marie’s arms, clasping one side of the cuffs onto her wrist. “Duct tape can be broken out of, all you’d need is a sharp stick.”. Murray looked at the blob of a woman. " Considering I’m used to Crocodile mouths and pythons…"

Andreas smiled a bit at the handcuffs. “Be careful, she might enjoy it…”

“I HEARD YOU!”, Marie said.

“So are you going to calm down now?”, Andreas continued.

“RAHHHH NOT UNTIL THAT STUPID KID IS DEAD!”, she screamed.

“OK, we’ll just leave you there until you have calmed down then, I guess you will have tamed your mood in some hours anyway…”

“If you need us later, Holler”, Murray said.

Miles hands the keys to the handcuffs to Andreas. “Only let her out of the cuffs if she decides behave.”

Eventually, Marie calmed down and could be freed, going to sleep at least temporarily without any plans to kill Chanty…

TO BE CONTINUED.

Collab with @That-S-cop and @TheYugo45GV

4 Likes

Team Chitco
Part 1

Stage 1: Menes to Unmar

One noteworthy thing that happened in Menes camp that would be worth mentioning was meeting Ángel

Thankfully, Andrea`s mind was relatively clear of worst of it, but it likely had some pretty unpleasant sights
Atleast it wasnt Bong…

-Does he have seizure or something?
-Best we can do is try to keep everything away that he may hit and hurt himself in process

Yes, closest to this any of quartet encountered would be seizure.
After what seemed to be long time (but was actually about 18 minutes) they had decided that Ángel has regained his senses and decided that its best to leave him alone
This was done just in time to be tempted to try stop Marie but this has proven to be under control (and then some)

With great care this quartet had left the camp, knowing full-well choice of vehicle may not be most optimal
On more positive note atleast it proves to be reliable enough for them to go through stage without problems and it even wasnt completely last

-Why tf do i need to squat?
-They dont feature toilet bowls?
-NO!
-Deal with it
-Hrmph

Mood of Bong got vastly improved upon digging in food that was avaiable: Turns out he got some hefty burger to himself, so all was good…atleast until next toilet need

Stage 2: Unmar to Lendehamn. Gloves are on

Once again, the group had piled up into truck and decided to tackle this stage. Better roads contributed to better mood of everyone involved and nobody felt the need to take on the challenge by Highway Hooligans, if for nothing else but for inevitable issues they might face with their cargo.

However, the camp of this stage will introduce some rather interesting events
Starting with small bump by Aurinko

-Are we getting to the point where we encounter imbeciles behind the wheel?!?
-Bong, calm down, im sure its nothing to worry about

And indeed both cars might had, at worst, ended up with some more dents but its not like either was in pristine condition anyway
Ángel also wasnt kind of person toward which you can be angry at for long period of time anyway
This compliment sadly cant be extended towards certain participants however…


-Why am i going to be dragged into this?
-Its great way to socialise
-Im not into socialising
-Its not like you have any choice. Besides, imagine what other interesting events would come as result of everyone.
-sigh Fiiine…

Bong`s first words upon getting to the stage were certainly words of absolute wisdom

-Showoff
-Hopefully he doesnt hear you
-Its great use of his massive hair; lovely dramatic effect

Lars had appeared with something to say

-He is forfeiting
-We shall ask Val to still do his part. Hopefully wouldnt be much of the bother

There will be no concert afterall…partially because of what Lars had to say and partially due to reaction of Malavera

-Ti se sećaš tog dana jer je neko u vojnom kombiju pokosio tebe i još 15 drugih biciklista u momentu. Ja se takođe sećam tog dana…sećam ga se, jer sam ja vozio taj kombi.
-Ima da te presavijem napola! Izlomim sve. ZGROMIĆU TI LOBANJU I NAPITI SE TVOJE KRVI IZ ČIZME!

It seemed Lars had just signed rather brutal death sentence by Khalan…until stopped by Jayde
Pi sighed and pulled some leather gloves, deciding to put them on and face off Lars.

-No! You shall not scare the normies…besides…someone more appropriate will take care of it

Indeed…someone that doesnt need magic to fuck stuff up would respond:

-OSETIĆEŠ KAKO JE TO BITI NA IVICI ŽIVOTA I SMRTI!!!

Even if he wasnt conveniently weaponised with guitar, Val would have been impossible to beat from perspective of his almost-a-killer
Bong got interested in the fight all of a sudden, mentally taking notes of everything that is happening: Jayde gaining flight and further suffering of Lars.
Sadly, this havent lasted for long…well, sadly for Bong because he was all for seeing some new and original ways in which person can be injured

Lars went home without much further troubles…and will live to see another day

Rest of the camp was uneventful

3 Likes

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 2.1 - STRUGGLING WITH A SERPENT

Loading up the IP for stage 2, Marie for some reason had a hangover from hell.

“Urgh, don’t close the doors so loud”, she said. “Gahhh, can’t someone turn down the brightness of the sun a bit…where the fuck is the remote?”

“Stolen beer is the best beer, huh?”, Andreas asked her.

“I did not steal it”, Marie answered. “I…traded it”.

“Yes, for that stolen plush elk”, Janne said with a sigh.

“Yeah and that was so ugly so I would be happy if someone stole it from me, hence it is not theft”, Marie answered, before cramming herself into the IP.

At least, the surroundings made our friends feel right at home. It looked rather close to the Torne river valley, and Janne took lots of photos of the vintage looking farming equipment they passed on the way. What also was rather familiar was the weather…like a summer day at home, some fan was needed to keep the windows from fogging and…

“Hyuuuuuullllppppp”

“Marie, what is it?”, Andreas sighed.

“It stinks of butter!”

“Yes, I have noticed that.”, he answered with a salty tone.

Rapidly she threw herself over Janne, that was seated at the outboard right position on the bench seat, opened the door and…well, let’s just say that Team MCP got a little break in the middle of their clutch change to instead watch a…less pleasant show.

“For fucks sake, you threw up over the rear quarter panel!”, Janne said.

“So what? That can be washed off with paint thinner!”, Marie answered. “Urgh, that fucking butter smell makes me puke”.

“Yeah, it is totally the butter and not all the beer you traded for that plush elk”, Andreas said.

“Yup…”

“Because we absolutely can’t smell the same horrible stench…euwh.”, Andreas answered, while Janne was once again busy with filling up his memory card with pictures of vintage farming equipment. Finally, after a not totally dramatic ride, our team arrived at camp, made a fire and threw some finnish sausages on it. Life was good…at least for Marie that somehow now had a huge vodka bottle to drink from for the dinner.

“Hey, that’s not ours, right?”, Janne said.

“It is mine now, but don’t worry, I won’t give you anything of it!”, she answered in a snarky tone.

A while later:

Marie rushed to Janne, shouting “CAN I GET THE AXE BACK?”.

“No”, Janne answered. “How come you’re asking?”

“There is a fucking snake here! I must kill that little bastard!”

“Oh, for fucks sake yes”, Janne said. “Probably some poisonous bastard, kill it before it kills the whole camp!”

With the axe in her hands, Marie was chasing the poor serpent all over camp.

“TAKE THIS YOUR BASTARD!”, she said, swinging the axe so the dust was flying everywhere, though missing the snake, that crawled up into a tree.

“YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN HIDE THERE? WELL SOONER OR LATER, YOU WILL COME DOWN, AND THEN I WILL CHOP YOU INTO PIECES, YOU FUCKING LITTLE GARDEN HOSE!”, Marie said, still violently swinging the axe.

Meanwhile, Jan was trying to support a crying chanty that seemed to be looking for some “Dieter”

“Oh, relax, I am sure we will find him…”, Jan tried to comfort her.

“It is my fault, I shouldn’t have let him…”, Chanty cried, “…THERE! LOOK!”

Chanty was rushing towards the tree, now being the one pulling Jan with her. Unfortunately, Marie was standing in the way.

“Excuse me, can you please listen to me…”, Chanty tried.

“NO, I won’t listen to you, what do you want you stupid kiddo?”, Marie answered.

“What are you doing with that axe?”, she said, sobbing.

“THERE IS A FUCKING SNAKE IN THE TREE AND I WILL WHACK IT FLAT ENOUGH TO FIT INTO AN ENVELOPE IF JUST THE BASTARD WILL COME DOWN!”, Marie said.

“Noooo, you can’t hurt Dieter”, Chanty continued with tears in her eyes.

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT SOME FUCKING DIETER, I ONLY CARE ABOUT THIS BASTARD OF A SNAKE THAT IS GOING TO DIE BEFORE IT KILLS SOMEONE HERE IN CAMP!”

“But… But…. Dieter isn’t dangerous…I mean…he is not poisonous…”

“SHUT UP, FUCKING KIDDO BEFORE I TAKE THE AXE AND SPLIT YOUR HEAD OPEN LIKE A FUCKING MELON! DO YOU THINK THIS IS SOME FUCKING PLUSH ANIMAL AGAIN? IT IS A WILD GODDAMNED SNAKE THAT IS VERY MUCH REAL!”

Jan tried to convince Marie that “Well, actually, that snake is not a poisonous one and you should probably listen to…”

“WELL WHO PUT A QUARTER IN YOU, YOU FUCKING CITY DWELLER! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SNAKES? COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE DRIVEN A TRACTOR THROUGH YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S BARN WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ONE ON THE FLOOR THERE! SHUT UP OR I’LL USE THE AXE TO MAKE YOUR HEAD FLY TO THE MOON!”

Approaching them was Thomas, that seemed to be quite tired of the circus that Chanty and Jan once again seemed to pull off, and finding out that he once again had to deal with 150 kilograms of discount valkyrie filled up with a substantial amount of stolen booze wasn’t going to make his life easier.


“I am too sober for this shit”, Thomas said with a sigh. “Now, man up!”, he said to Jan that was struggling with keeping Chanty’s emotional breakdown under control. “You’re supposed to be able to fix shit like this!”. While being rather nervous, Jan stood still while Thomas went back to camp to get a carton of cheap wine he had used for cooking earlier. With Marie watching, he threw it away.

“NOOOO KIDS IN AFRICA COULD HAVE DRANK THAT WINE!”, Marie shouted, ran away to desperately trying to catch the wine carton, but too late, it landed on the ground and split open.

With Marie desperately running for an empty bottle to scope up the wine, Rhino squad could concentrate on Dieter the snake. Just one thing, though…the snake ran away from the circus to save its own skin.

bild
“I can’t believe he is gone…”, Chanty cried outside the tent.

“Chanty, you are supposed to leave wild animals alone, they have it much better living free out in the woods”, Thomas tried to convince her.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Teams mentioned:
@SurrealCereal @Happyhungryhippo

6 Likes

Shitbox Rally - Stage 3

Stage 3: Lendehamn to Thornes

Weather: High teens, cloudy, no rain, but the roads are still wet.


Leaving Lendehamn takes us outward… And upward. The roads are at least decent, but frequent uphill moments slow down a lot of the traffic. People in CE class vehicles have to make a lengthy detour to take wider roads better suited to their vehicles.

Team Firulais is the first to stop today, having to change a tire. The same goes for Cunning Stunts with the bike, followed by Machinas Con Passione with their absolute disaster-pile of a car. Even Ramjet’s duallies aren’t immune, as a punctured steering tire leads to a brief stop.
(@angelustyle , @that-S-cop , @SurrealCereal , @JCurtiss96 @Leone)

Transporttjäns Eriksson Aktiebolag Eslöv spends an hour diagnosing a mystery misfire.
(@WoodenPlankGames)

“Wait, what do you mean it wasn’t the fuel injectors?” Team Spy Kids spends another 3.5 hours chasing gremlins in their German SUV.
(@SheikhMansour)

Likewise, Team Peak Performance are sidelined for 3.5 hours to replace the busted ball joint after a slight brush with a curb.
(@HappyHungryHippo)

What we end up seeing by the time everyone gets up the hill and into Thornes is a city that is very vertical naturally, using the multiple valleys formed by rivers a long time ago. There are no typical high-rise buildings, just a lot of smaller buildings giving Thornes a very Italian feel.

Our camp ends up being on the same plot as a large and impressive mansion belonging to the second richest family in Holsia, which means we have access to good toilets, showers, and other facilities.

A bit of railyard shuffling gets the SR Support train onto the mansion spur, where it offers up some easy and relatively quick meals.


Spreadsheet is here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQriVPEky_B00QiZ6lYrtLVt-u3XWPQW7CvfFNFordo91W4o4LYgWKmW6-SchgIpnTR4wQ6cfSyyQfl/pubhtml

3 Likes

Night from Stage 2 to Stage 3
teams mentioned: Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab

Before going to sleep, Chanty spent some time with her new “pet”, calling the snake Dieter. In her manic episode, Chanty doesn´t really get that “Dieter” is way too stressed by her and wants to be anywhere but in Chantys arms.

“So, good night Dieter, I sadly can´t take you with in the tent, my dad doesn´t want that. Would you please wait for me here, so that we can have our breakfast together?”

said Chanty, giving the snake a kiss and disappearing into the tent. Dieter was rarely that relieved as right now and escaped in record speed from the Rhino campsite, propably in need of a dolphin therapy…

Stage 3
teams mentioned: Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab, Shift Happens by @Madrias, Team Firulais by @Angelustyle and Team Chitco by @MrdjaNikolen

The next morning started again with Chanty sleeping too long, so that the others had to wake her up and drag her out of the tent by grabbing her feet, a method against which she protested loud enough to make everyone else in the camp knowing what is happening. She was very disappointed to say Dieter is gone, and as the tear flood just did not stop, Thomas ordered Jan to look for Dieter together with Chanty to have a bit of peace.

But Dieter could not be brought back and escaped into the forest.

While Thomas was packing the stuff together with Jan, a crying Chanty ate all snacks she could find. Thomas was definitely not amused.

“Do you REALLY have to eat all that trash at once? And what is it this time you cry about? A good daily morning routine should include brushing your teeth, not causing drama.”

“Dieter is gone… I thought he would wait for me. I thougt he liked me. But I guess nobody could have feelings for a monster like me…”

“Yes, I am together with you because you are THAT terrible, sure…”

Jan seemed quite insulted, but nevertheless cared for Chanty, giving her the dose of love she needed. Thomas on the other hand was grumpy for having to do the work all alone again.

“Do you really want to spend the day in that pyjama?”

“Of course! You have no idea how comfortable it is.”

“Yeah, but I can see how filthy it is now with cookie and chips crumbles. Clean that up at least before we start!”

“Yes, Sir, of course, Mr. General!”

“Chantal! ENOUGH!”

Thomas drove fast this time, and Chanty complained that she felt sick - Thomas blamed it on her binge eating, but she of course disagreed, claiming that it´s from the disappointment and emotional pain from Dieter abandoning her.


“THOMAS! THE CLIFF IS VERY STEEP! And I don´t trust the guardrail!”

“We have two airbags in this car, Jan, calm down.”

“THEY WONT HELP US IF WE FALL DOWN THERE!”

“You don´t say?”

“OOORRRRRRRRRRRRR!”

“What is it NOW, Chantal?”

“My headphone battery died.”

“Well, the solar chargers weren´t that effective with yesterdays weather, and the car´s power output is for the phones, so… you will have to wait a bit.”

“NAAAAAAAAAAH! Then you have to listen to my music then, I´ll use the car stereo you praise. Let me just put my phone in the docking station.”

“Dock…what?”

Thomas couldnt even finish his sentence, as Chanty already rammed her phone into the cassette drive.

“Why doesn´t that fit? What is this crap`”

“CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! STOP DAMAGING MY CASSETTE DRIVE, YOU DONKEY! THIS IS NOT A PHONE DOCKING STATION!”

Thomas yelled quite harsh at his daughter that now decided to have an emotional support cigarette, but she dropped it by accident before finishing the smoking.

“AAAAAAAAAH! STOP! ITS UNDER THE SEAT!”

“DAMN IT! CAN YOU DO SOMETHING ONCE WITHOUT BURNING DOWN OUR CAR?”

Thomas pulled over from the narrow mountain road into a small mud path and cared about Chantys cigarette before it could burn the carpet, then decided that he could also need an emotional support cigarette. Chanty preferred doing selfies on the beautiful road, but did not pay attention to the traffic. A Holsian in his car tried his best not to run her over, and Chanty could not dodge that fast as her knee still hurts, and the car missed her by not even 20 centimeters.



Thomas and Jan heard both the honking, tire squeals and screaming form Chanty and ran towards the source of the sounds - finding Chanty shocked, but unharmed. The both men were visibly relieved to see her uninjured, as both already thought they would have to call an ambulance without their phones working and would spend the next weeks next to a hospital bed, as that would not have happened for the first time, and none of them is willing to go through that again… Chanty needed a few minutes to calm down from her panic attack, with Jan again giving her a warm hug and a few kisses, while Thomas was unable to stop yelling that his daughter needs to be more aware of her surroundings.

The rest of the drive was more or less boring, except for the nice mountain landscape. Their destination was a nice small town that looked a lot like an old italian one, and their camping site was very nice this time. Not only warm showers were offered, but they could finally wash their clothes and dishes again without too much trouble.

After arranging the campsite and getting all work done, they went eating in the train, as nobody of them felt like cooking again, especially after the dishes were now all clean. But Chanty was still hungry, and took a bottle of ketchup from the train with her to drink it later. She was sure that nobody noticed it, but maybe the other people in the train just had other things in their minds than giving Chanty a lecture about a bottle of ketchup.

Thomas had no interest in socializing and preferred to rest with one or two (or maybe three) beers, so Jan and Chanty walked over to the town.

“Ah! Ouch! AAAAH!”

“What are you doing there?”

“That plaster on the nose looks shit on photos, so I remove it. It´s not broken so it´s not that bad.”

“Not broken yet… I know you good enough to know that having three first aid kits is definitely a smart idea.”

“You will need one for yourself if you don´t stop.”

After a romantic walk holding hands, they decided to go seperate ways for an hour: Jan checked out the local sights, and Chanty looked at the stores, when she bumped again into someone, this time a young woman.

“Oooops. Sorry. I, eh, was distracted… I guess? You are … so small, I think that´s why I didn´t see you… and I am really rarely the taller one… so… I am not used to that, well… eh… sorry, I am a bit derailed in my mind today…”

“Oh, no problem, someone not seeing me happens a few times, although those running into me are indeed taller than you. Aren´t you also from this year´s rallye? You are definitely not a local here”

“Yes… I am Chantal… my friends call me Chanty…”

“Nice to meet you, by the way, you are sooo cute! I am Andrea. Come on, don´t look like I am going to eat you, have a hug if you want. You checked that jewelry store? They have soooo many beautiful things. I think I´ll buy something for Pi, my best friend.”

Chanty acted a bit clumsy trying to give Andrea a hug, so her new friend just did it with Chanty, having problems getting with her short arms around Chanty, who is… a lot more fluffy than Andrea.

“Sounds great… I am… well, that looks so expensive. And I am totally broke. In fact, I… don´t even have a single cent.”

“Well, that sounds like I need to invite you for a snack with Pi and me? And don´t say no, I really want to get to know you. By the way, she is a Centaur, so don´t be surprised if… ah, just see yourself and follow me.”

At the food stand, Chanty seemed to be a more interessing sight than a centaur like Pi, weirdly enough. As Holsians rarely spot people as exotic as Jan and Chanty, they were stared at a lot, but not in a hostile way, was more that the locals were very amused of their appearance. Especially Chanty with her blue hair and garish pink clothes, and despite her generally being a bit insecure, she allowed everyone to take a closer look at her - including a family with small kids that approached her while she was daydreaming.
The town was quite wealthy, and this was also visible in the inhabitants. One of the kids politely asked to have a closer look at Chantys sparkling unicorn wristband, as such things were totally uncommon in Holsia. Chanty had many of them left at home, as she loses one from time to time, and gifted it without hesitation to the little girl, as the father suddenly opened his wallet and gave her 300.000 Krona Holsia with a friendly smile, and they already walked happily away before Chanty could refuse the compensation she did not even ask for.

“Oh, you are a lucky girl today”

, laughed Pi.

“That looks sooooo much with all these zeros… am I… rich? It was worth absolutely nothing, I ordered that for… five dollar or so… I feel bad now, as if I committed fraud, but it all happened so fast.”

Chanty looked with her bambi eyes towards Pi, with a few teardrops running down her cheeks, and Pi was now a bit amused by Chantys helplessness with the money.

“Well, look at it and then you know, the good thing about money is that the amount it´s supposed to be worth is written on it. And I guess they considered it so valuable because they have never seen an item like this and will never know that it´s sold for 5 Dollar on another planet. Exotic things are always worth a lot. Really, I could also see me buying such a cute and sparkling thing I don´t need at all for a totally absurd price.”

“Ok, but…I… don´t know the exchange rate…”

Andrea giggled a bit and softly wiped Chantys tears away.

“Me neither, but you don´t have to, just compare it to the prices in the stores and you get a feeling of how many money you have. That isn´t that complicated. It seems you are a bit distracted today, hm?”

“Ah, here you are!”

Jan had spotted Chanty and waved her to come over, so she gave Pi and Andrea a hug and joined Jan, who had no idea about what happened briefly before.

Later, when it was early evening, Janne walked over to the trio, holding Thomas chili wodka.

“Eh, Thomas, sorry about Marie, she is… well… dumb. I know it´s not polite to talk like that without her being present, but I am also tired of inventing excuses that sound more pleasant. I also found stolen alcohol, and I think this belongs to you, because there is something written in German on it.”

“MY BABY IS BACK! THANKS A LOT, eeeh…? Who are you, by the way?”

“Janne, Janne Mäkitalo. Mechanic of the team.”

“Ah, yes, I remember. I just talked to the other two yet, but I saw you arguing with Marie in the background when I got that plush elk back. So, I am Thomas Nilfert, also mechanic. Now that you brought it to me, I feel like you should at least try what Marie will be missing now.”

“It doesn´t look that tempting, though. What is that?”

“That used to be a Chili, its in there for a year so it turned white. Ha! This will MAKE YOUR THROAT BUURRRRRRRN!”

“Thomas, I am afraid I am not the targeted audience for the product you are offering, but one little one… yeah, just a small one.”

“Ah, come on Janne, sometimes you need to blow your head gasket. Here, take a big one!”

“UUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHH! BEURK! IT IS DISGUSTING!”

“More?”

“Sure!”

Both executed the next attack on their muscles, as all they had were now contracting again, as Kivenaal stepped towards the scene, smiling at the two elder men struggling with the “pimped wodka”.

“AAAAH! HERE IS IT! Thomas, didn´t I warn you about booze in Holsia?”

“Ah, come on, you pranked me! You did that to most other teams as well.”

“I am just friendly and trying to prevent you from being imprisoned”

, said Kiva with the smile of a little boy.

“As you two seem to have problems swallowing that, I may ask, is it spicy?”

Without answering, Thomas held a glass towards him, and Kiva tried it, contently smiling.

“Oh, this is delicious. Thomas, Janne, may I join here to relieve you of the burden of having to drink this?”

Both nodded, so Kiva finally got to drink the spicy booze he already considered lost.

While Jan was cleaning the Primus inside and outside, Chanty told him that she had forgotten something in the train, where they all ate before, and sneaked back in town, emotionally supported by Rudolph, just a moment before the all stores would close. At the jewelry store, she offered her 300.000 Krona for the most beautiful wedding rings she could get. Acutally, you would need engagement rings for a proposal, before buying the actual wedding rings, but… Chanty just doesn´t care about such small details.

She sat down on a bench near the river and prepared herself for the right moment, which would definitely happen at the end of the rallye. She trained for it by proposing to Rudolph, who sadly didn´t give that much feedback to Chanty.

“My love, as we are now together for a year, and this is the longest relation I ever had… Nah. This sounds as if nobody could stand me yet…as if I am a terrible person…”

After a deep breath, she tried another attempt.

“Hey, I don´t know how I can prove you that you are the one and only for me, and therefore I… EH, what is that?”

It was Angel, speaking some drunk blah-blah in various languages his ring couldn´t translate. But it was obvious that he was drunk and in a more or less helpless state, so Chanty grabbed the wedding rings, Rudolph and Angel, guiding him back to his place and storing Rudolph and the rings in the Primus, as her own campsite was on the way to the rest of the Team Firulais. Somehow Angel managed to talk in a way the translator could tell Chanty at least roughly what happened, and she became enraged, giving Ana a lecture about how to treat your friends the right way.

“ANA! ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB TO GIVE PEOPLE ALCOHOL AGAINST THEIR WILL AND LAUGH AT THEM? THATS CHILDISH, MEAN AND EVEN A FORM OF ASSAULT!”

“Oh, how long did you need to prepare yourself for speaking up to me? Requires more courage than I thought you have. I thought your only mood is crying like a baby. I can give you a good advice: Mind your own business. I don´t have a problem with you, AS LONG AS YOU DO NOT ANNOY ME!”

“JUST SHUT UP AND APOLOGIZE TO ANGEL! You just can´t treat someone like shit just because he is the weird one.”

“And you seem to have experience with being the weird one, hm? Ah, how about, Hey Ana, I did not like what you did to Angel, just that you know it, goodbye, fine, … nah, you uncivillized meat loaf are not even capable of basic interactions. But hey, nobody is perfect, right? Grab yourself some booze as well, maybe that helps your relaxing a bit.”

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Team Firulais

Stage 3: Punctures… “Ana’s Curse”?

(Mentioning @HappyHungryHippo [The Rhino Squad] and @Rambow [Honey, I’ve bought a S#!tbox])

Night in Lendehamn.

Once again, night had fallen, and all of the Firulais had gotten out for some fun before the next part of the trip. As stablished the last stage, Ana would be driving for Stage 3 as well, in hopes for another Top 5 Finish.

Tomás would be the first one to head to go and sleep. Followed by Andrés, who wanted to get as best as a sleep as possible, given how at any given moment, his tent could be occupied by Ángel… Still, the chances of Ángel winning any Pokémon Match they have are still very slim.

Ana would once again do her magic with Ángel’s water bottle, before going to sleep. And again, Ángel would suffer the consequences. He once again had a night of disorientation and was ultimately pushed back to the car by Josué, who was at that moment, one of the few people staying awake so late that night. Once again, Ángel would puke shortly before arriving to the Aurora, this time, without smelling awfully bad or ruining clothes in the process. However, by the time this happened, Josué, same as maybe (or maybe not) a few others, began to suspect something fishy was going on with whatever Ángel drank at night.

The Russian-Japanese mechanic didn’t have a very comfortable night of sleep, mainly due to the hangover, which only intensified as the night progressed. Josué, who was American, didn’t have a very comfortable night either, although it was more due to thinking about WHAT was causing Ángel’s lack of… ¿Consistency? in his actions…

Early Morning at Lendehamn.

Andrés, Ana, and Tomás woke up with barely a few minutes of separation, and they all had a good night, especially Ana, who was all night happy thinking about what to perform next on Ángel. Josué would wake up later, although he had also slept fairly well… Ángel would not be having any of that. People saw the Mechanic of the Firulais crawl out of the rear seat of the car, out of the gap made by the now reclined forward Passanger seat, and fall face-first to the floor. He’d get up in his feet after a few moments, and, unlike Josué, who was thinking deeply about his friend’s troubles… Ángel had another thought thru his mind…

This was the second day in a row without Mindreading Incidents… He didn’t knew if his lack of memory of the nights of the previous two days played a role, or if he is finally being able to control his powers (SPOILER ALERT: He isn’t… Far from it, in fact.)… But whatever is causing it, is causing it. Worse still, despite not having mindreading incidents in a while, Ángel is still worried. He knows that if things are going THIS well, they’ll go horribly wrong sooner or later.

Nevertheless, the morning of the Firulais at Lendehamn was more centered on a peculiar statement…

Josué:“Guys, news.”
Andrés:“Go on.”
Ana:“What is it…?”
Josué:“I’ve noticed how Ángel has… had some rough nights…”
Ángel:“Я ничего не помню…”
(“I don’t remember anything…”)

“My Plan must be going perfectly.”, thought Ana.

Josué:“So, I’ve given a thought about investigating what causes this… I still have no clue, and, due to Ángel not being able to remember much, if you see anything awkward from him, plea—”

Ángel raised his hand, wanting to speak.

Josué:sigh“Yes, Ángel…?”
Ángel:“May I say something…?”
Ana:“I mean, ain’t it obvious…”whispering“愚かな共産主義ロシア人…”
(“Stupid Communist Russian…”)
Ángel:“すみません ?”
(“Excuse me ?”)
Josué:“Ángel, Ana, I don’t speak Chinese !”
Ángel:“Uhm, Actually, It’s Japanese ! Can’t believe you can’t distinguish it, considering you watch Anime…”

Josué, menacingly, pushed Ángel gently and replied.

Josué:“Look, you nerd. You’d personally not like to reply to me that way…”
Ángel:“S-Sorry… I let myself get carried away. But what I wanted to say was… Have you all noticed ?”
Everyone (except Ángel, at Unison):“What…?”
Ángel:“This is the second day in a row in which I don’t have a mindreading incident…”

An eerie silence kinda showed how indifferent was Ángel’s little thing to say in respect of how he was suddenly less consistent… And therefore, due to popular vote, he’d remain with his mouth shut for a great part of the stage… Even Tomás was a bit annoyed at this seemingly unimportant piece of info.

Road to Thornes.

Due to that popular vote, most of the trip to Thornes would be silent… But not all. You see, there were two points at which they’d stop.

First, would come a short stop at a Gas Station. This left them some time to do a bit of things. Whether it be waiting for the tank to fill up, or buying some stuff, things happened… Although Ángel was getting increasingly nervous.

The next pullover, done a few hours later, would be a lot more humorous, as a puncture allowed Ángel to finally chuckle for the first time in a while…

Ana:“Ah, goddamn, the second time under my command in which it punctures ! Mierda !”
Andrés:“I guess it could be you driving too hard—”
Ana:“Cállate, Andrés.”
(“Shut up, Andrés.”)
Ángel:“Hehehehe… Será que Ana tiene una maldición ? La maldición de Ana… Hehehe…”
(“Hehehehe…Is Ana Cursed ? Ana’s Curse… Hehehe…”)

Ana, with her two eyes, gave a death stare directly towards Ángel’s left eye… His only working eye (he lost the right one during a bombardment that happened in the Kurils, during a short war between the Nations which disputed the territory…)… She was changing the tire desperately and even threw a small wrench towards the Russian-Japanese Yumeisotitanian Humanoid Descendant (or, YHD, if you prefer it that way)… Luckily, the window was rolled down, so the wrench didn’t hit him, went thru the window, and he simply picked up the wrench from the floor, and came back to the car, still with a smug, yet small and cute smile in his face…

He’d still be giggling a bit a few minutes later, until Ana would give him a slap in the face, and another one in the back of the head, which made Ángel’s glasses fall to the floor, leaving him blind for a good half hour… After that, the rest of the trip would be relatively silent… And, honestly, it was probably best it was that way…

Thornes.

They didn’t notice they’d tied with the people from “Honey I’ve bought a S#!tbox”. Luckily, Ángel noticed the leaderboard, and was actually the only person looking at it consistently, along with a few others… He’d try to meet said team, and a few others the next day, feeling with enough courage to try something he would’ve done at Menes, if it weren’t for his incidents there.

Later that night, Ángel informed that he’d managed to get a little deal to play in a soccer match at Thornes a few hours before departure from Thornes on to their next destination. Given Holsian Players aren’t good, and Ángel wasn’t any better (holding a dubious record of having scored 6 goals… And 13 own goals), this was the setting for a perfect attempt to try and have a nice time with the locals.

However, the night for the Firulais was far from over. Andrés and Ángel had their Pokémon Match earlier than usual, and, as usual, Andrés won… But Ángel was getting closer and closer to winning eventually. He could even taste the feeling of sleeping in a tent…

After said match, Ángel would drink from his water bottle once more… And would get lost around the streets of Thornes shortly after, mainly due to Ana keeping on throwing Ángel’s water, and replacing it with her booze… Fortunately for Ángel, this nightmarish cycle would come to an end… Chantal had confronted Ana that night, and after that, Ana retired to her tent, frustrated…

Interestingly, Ángel wouldn’t puke said night… But he couldn’t sleep that night either…

As he regained consciousness, he wondered… “How have I lasted so long without suffering these mindreading incidents…?”…apart from the tastes of pain, sometimes fun, and the taste of incoming victory over Andrés, the most notable taste he could feel was the one of the next mindreading incident lurking over slowly, preparing to strike at the worst possible time…

(As usual, collabs are open… Sorry for only uploading one uncoloured drawing… Real life events are consuming me…)

3 Likes

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 3.1 - IMPROVING THE PRIMUS

After the somewhat dramatic morning, our team entered the IP and left the camping area with a squeal from the old BF Goodrich Radial T/As that now had more or less the same friction as bakelite. Songs from Bourbon boys last album were doing their best to surpass the tyre squeal in sound level. Just like they had been playing all the time at the local radio at the area they had left.

“Damn, I hope we don’t blow any of them”, Andreas said.

“Bah, tyres that have started to hold up usually keeps holding up”, Janne said. “It was not our turn today”, he continued and pointed to Team Firulais Aurora Aurinko.

“Yes, but do that finnish shitbox stink like old butter?”, Marie said.

“At least it doesn’t stink like you”, Andreas answered. “And if you learned to behave we wouldn’t have to smell this shit”, he continued.

Luckily, it was a kind of better weather this run, meaning that the heater didn’t have to blow constantly, somehow eliminating the butter stench. The aftermarket sun roof kept out the worst smell too, since it could now be open. The next car they passed was team Spy Kids VW Touareg.

“Wrong choice of car”, Janne grumbled. “Couldn’t they have strapped a barrel of TNT on the roof too?”

“Did they think it would be like running a 1980 diesel Jetta?”, Andreas said with a sigh.

“No, because I hate Jettas”, Marie said. “My fucking fascist of a geography teacher had one!”

“Like that would matter?”, Andreas said. “Were you ever at a single lesson?”

“Whatever”, Marie said. “If they had been showing up with a fucking Jetta I would have put it on fire. Maaaaan I CAN NOT STAND THIS SMELL ANYMORE! GODDAMNED KID, I WILL BEAT HER UP UNTIL SHE LOOKS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING JETTA IF SHE DOES ONE MORE PRANK! URGH AND THE HEADACHE…”

“Feeling well?”, Janne said with a smirk.

“Urghhh no…”

The winding mountain roads maybe weren’t really compatible with the shocks in the rear (Gabriel Hi-Jackers from the late 70s) but…the vehicle arrived safely at camp after nothing more than a fuel stop.

Later, while Janne seemed to be busy doing something with Thomas (“Traitor”, Marie thought), she collected the wires and tools Janne had been using for repairing the harness to the steering column, and went towards the seemingly very abandoned Primus.

Some creative rewiring later, and the brake light switch, eh…was now connected to the horn. Fucking genious, she thought.

Going back to camp, Janne had gotten back, and wondered what Marie had done with his cable crimping tools.

“Nothing! I just cleaned up after you since you can’t keep track of your fucking tools!”

“Ah, I see, that’s why your house clearly does not look like a SCUD has passed through it and hit a manure sack standing in the middle of it. Yeah, good thing you’re cleaning up, taking my tools from the toolbox where they are supposed to be”, a slightly drunk Janne said with a bit more irony and salt than usual, that Marie probably didn’t understand anyway.

“By the way, how could you even drink that piss in the german bottle?”, he asked.

“Ah, it had a little taste of gasoline and something but I am not…WAIT, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING FROM IT?”

“No”, Janne said. “I gave it back to its owner.”

“The owner is ME!”, Marie continued.

“No way it is”, Janne answered. “Your knowledges in German are so good that you think that “Lebensgefahr” is a German cheese! Where would you have got it from?”

“I found it in a trash container”, she said.

“Yeah…in the same trash container as you find everything else…right?”

TO BE CONTINUED

Teams mentioned
@SheikhMansour @Angelustyle @Happyhungryhippo

3 Likes

Shitbox Rally - Stage 4

Stage 4: Thornes to Mosoto

Weather: High teens, mostly cloudy, and dry.


After the upward climb yesterday, we head generally downward on some comfortably wide roads. While a few corners on the forest roads prove to be a little bit tough for the largest vehicles here, it’s at least a pleasant drive.

As we get closer to Mosoto, the farms and small villages show up again, though the forest is still the dominant landscape out here.

It seems that Team Firulais must have a driver who hates their tires, because another one has been burst. Other teams to be cursed with a burst tire on this stage include: The Argonites, Team Hillbilly Rollers, Straight Outta Saratos, Machinas Con Passione, and Peak Performance.
(@angelustyle , @redfoxlol , @Knugcab , @shibusu , @SurrealCereal , @HappyHungryHippo)

Transporttjäns Eriksson Aktiebolag Eslöv loses an hour to a fuel pump failure. At least in the van, it’s a relatively easy fix.
(@WoodenPlankGames)

Ramjet isn’t making like a rocket on this stage after the clutch blows up. Five hours of fixing later, they make it into camp just fine, if a bit greasy.
(@JCurtiss96 , @Leone)

Mosoto is a large village or small town of roughly 2,800 people centered around a church. The figure on the roof of the church appears to be “aggressively average.”

We get to camp in a small meadow on the outskirts of the village. We’ll have to get out the tents again, and there’s no showers, but at least the toilet is, well… It’s two steps below an outhouse. There’s some boards put up in front of the log for privacy, and you’re doing your business into a ditch. At least there is a “sink,” if one considers a small dammed-up water source courtesy of the local creek to be a sink.


Spreadsheet is here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQriVPEky_B00QiZ6lYrtLVt-u3XWPQW7CvfFNFordo91W4o4LYgWKmW6-SchgIpnTR4wQ6cfSyyQfl/pubhtml

2 Likes

Stage 4

teams mentioned: Firulais by @Angelustyle, Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab, Chitko by @MrdjaNikolen

In the night, a still drunk Thomas was deeply annoyed by a loud noise.

“DAMN, they have woodpeckers here? Do they have to piss me of on ANY planet?”

“Thomas, we want to sleep.”

"None of your business, Jan. I will get that bird and grill it!

“The anatomy of them makes them totally unsuitable as a source of meat, and …”

“I DONT CARE!”,

yelled Thomas and went out chasing the bird, but that had no use and did nothing except either amusing or pissing off the other campers.


The next morning started with Chanty not feeling like crying - she rushed into town directly after getting up, buying a cactus - she was told by Andrea and Pi that Marie liked such a plant, and Chanty somehow felt that it … fitted well. But with the catcus as peace offer, it might cool down the tension between them.

“A cactus, young lady? … That´s these.”

“Oh, they look strange, as if they were… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

“Spikey, yes. I thought you knew that…”

She placed the cactus on their camping table, then going for a shower, from which Thomas just returned. He scrutineered the plant while getting a morning beer and placed on the camping chair, as he wanted to fold the table and store it in the car.


Chanty meanwhile bumped into the next person, pushing Angel on the ground by accident.

“Oh… sorry, I was… distracted”

“No problem, I wanted to visit you anyway!”

“Eh… why?”

“Because that was so brave of your how you told Ana a lesson, I am surprised it worked so well, usually she listens to absolutely nobody.”

“Oh, really? Well, I can be a lion sometimes, too, when it comes to people treating others in a bad way…”

Chanty hugged a grateful Angel and then continued her way to the showers, but then Angel fell to the ground, taking a fetal position and screaming in pain. The screams were so terrible that it must have been Chantys mind which he read, and Chanty tried her best to comfort him, starting to cry herself from being emotionally overwhelmed, but thankfully, after five minutes, Angel felt better, and feeling too embarrassed that he caused his blue-haired friend another trauma to say anything, he rushed off.

“I… need to go.”

While Angel felt the force of a freight train running directly into his brain with all the negative things in her mind, including almost every mental struggle a human could have, Chanty was deeply traumatized by seeing Angel in a devastating mindreading attack that was propably the strongest he had ever experienced.
Something in Chantys mind snapped even more than before as a coping strategy since she on the other hand blamed herself for the next incident with Angel as well, and she started banging her head against the shower wall quite hard in order to disable her mind hard enough to not be able to hurt Angel again.
As that did of course not work and made her only feel dizzy, she started some awful singing to calm herself down, and then rushing back to her campsite, as Thomas was already waiting for her, as the next stage would continue in only half an hour.

Thomas just wondered where the damn cactus was, as he was putting the tent in it´s bag. Just in that moment, Chanty returned and took a seat without looking, as she still felt dizzy from banging her head against the wall and needed a rest, and the disaster happened.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH NOT AGAIN!”

“Eeeeh… that has not happened, has it?”

“DONT LAUGH! HELP ME!”

“That… is a case where we should wait for Jan then… I guess that cactus is now… a flattus.”

“SHUT UP!”

“I didn´t know the smurfs also had a hedgehog”

, laughed Ana, passing by the scene and still bitter that Chanty defeated her in the night before.

“Move on, nothing to see for you here”,

complained Jan, comforting his girlfriend, then trying to ease the situation a bit by joking.

“Well, maybe it feels less painful if you imagine that it´s all tattoo needles, so that´s something you like?”

“Jan, don´t bring her to such ideas, I found that tattoo machine already in the car. Let´s hope she just doesn´t tattoo herself another VIN number of our cars.”

Jan carefully freed Chanty from spikes, and not soon after, it was time for departure - with Thomas again taking the driver seat.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK

“THOMAS WHY ARE YOU HONKING?”

“I AM NOT! I WAS JUST BRAKING!”

Thomas braked again, and the horn of the Primus Legacy blazed again loudly.

“Crap, what is this shit? Well, there is only one solution, I won´t brake anymore then to stop this”

“THOMAS, NO! THIS IS DANGEROUS!”

“Calm down, we have two airbags in the car.”

“Thomas, the airbag warning light is on, they do not work!”

“I said we have two airbags, not that they are functional.”

“SO…WE WILL ALL DIE! FINALLY I WILL BE HAPPY! BUT I DONT WANT YOU TO BE DEAD, TOO!”

Both looked in disbelief at the chubby smurf in the backseat that was again in tears.

“CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! I AM TRYING EVERYTHING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER AND…”

“THOMAS! LOOK OUT! WE ARE TOO FAST!”

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKK

“Now I got enough, Jan, grab the manual of the car and check it for the fuse diagram.”

Jan did as told, and the fuse for the horn was shared with other functions, but nothing vital for driving, so this was a five minute fix on the roadside, removing it and scheduling the troubleshooting to the evening to not loose time.

But Thomas discovered something very close to their new campsite - an old barn, and the tubes around it looked like this could become a moonshine distillery. Instead of fixing the Primus, he told Chanty to figure it out and ran to Janne - as Thomas thought swedish hillbillys would be experts at that stuff. And, that is right…

“Thomas, this would work, let´s go shopping. But if it doesn´t, we will die from intoxication.”

“Well, if your eyes are blinded from the metanol, you can as well drink the rest at that point. How about letting Marie try first? It would solve a lot of problems!”

“Yes, that would be a great idea. But… in case, we did deadly shit here, do you have enough good alcohol to save her?”

“Barely. That gollum stole most anyway, not to forget about that Valraadi rascal… and propably my own thirst… and the thirst of my blue-haired money pit. So we better be careful.”

Janne, basically Thomas with more madness and creativity when it comes to making things work for purposes they were not supposed to, created a distillery in record time, and the brewing started.

Jan, on the other hand, put out another fire at the Firulais camp, assisting them with cooking and giving Angel a lesson, but if that would really work, might be doubted. At least nobody in the Firulais team now had to suffer from hunger. And what did Chanty do?

She discovered that the Primus was manipulated, and the horn became connected to the brake light switch behind the pedal.

“OOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WENNSCH DIESES BLEEDE GOLLUM SEH RAMMSCH DER DEN GAGGDUS SOWAS VON INNEN ORSCH!”

(the translator ring fails at that dialect again, better not translating this in either proper german nor English, but for Chanty, it was obvious that it must have been Marie who did this)

“Hey, Chanty, what´s wrong?”

“Oh, hello Andrea… well, I just fixed an act of sabotage on our car done by this swedish gollum?”

“Sabotage? Like… trying to kill you?”

“No, that would propably go too far even for a mean gollum like Marie…just something annoying. But still… AAAARRRRRRGH. I need to either get booze, a new tattoo or a new plush toy to calm down!”

“Your tattoos are sooooooo cool. You did them yourself?”

“Most, yes… I even have the machine for it in the car, I bought that last year in Sweden.”

“So, you can tattoo me 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197?”

“Why such a number? Eeeeh?”

“That´s the mathematical value of Pi, and I think this is a very creative way to have her on my skin, as a sign of our strong bond.”

“I suck at maths… but I can do that… are you sure that you didn´t mix up one of these many numbers?”
Chanty did as asked, with a very nice result, so Andrea gave Chanty a slight kiss on the cheek, then helped her dying her hair again, as blue color does not last very long and a little bit of her natural blonde was already shining through.

“Thanks, this tattoo is perfect. I can learn so much from you… maybe also playing a guitar. I bought that yesterday and I have no clue how to use it.”

“My dad played in a garage rock band… maybe he can show you…”

“When was that? 1875?”

Both young women giggled and hugged each other, then exploded in laughter.

Later in the evening, all three rhinos reunited - Thomas with tons of booze, Chanty with a guitar she couldn´t play and Jan with food for the team, as he taught Angel how to cook a lot of different stuff and many food was left.

Thomas and Chanty were quite drunk after another hour, and Thomas grabbed the guitar and played on it, and it became quite obvious why Mr. Nilfert never became a successful musician. On the other hand, the terrible playing was covered up by Chanty having absolutely no talent at singing but a deafening volume trying it, using an empty beer bottle as microphone.

It did not take long to attract others at this miserable performance, including Pi and Andrea. The centaur and her friend took a quick snack from Thomas´booze to be able to bear the terrible “band”, becoming drunk almost on the spot, with Andrea hugging Chanty and entering the karaoke disaster, while Pi smiled at Jan.

“You have such a wonderful girlfriend, really.”

“I know, thanks. But she embarrasses herself again.”

“No. She´s not. She is just happy at the moment and that is what counts.”

“True…”

“But I think one very important thing is missing to make her even happier.”

“Rudolph?”

“Naaaah. You. Come on, dance with her and give her some love… as a side effect, I might get Andrea loose of Chantys hug and can get her back.”

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Team Firulais

Stage 4: Own Goals, Mindreading Incidents, and Ángel’s Revenge

(Mentioning @Happyhungryhippo [The Rhino Squad] and @Fayeding_Spray [Timeloss])

Morning at Thornes.

Everyone would wake up, but Ángel and his team would wake up earlier than most. Ángel, if you remember, had made a little deal to play soccer with the locals. He was ready, despite the hangover and the sleepless night in the Aurinko. He’d be playing for the Local Team of Thornes, for the first half only.

That morning, he attempted to call other teams, trying to make some friendships… Or at least, trying to give some entertainment before leaving. But none, except his own team, actually came to watch, amongst a crowd of only 200.

Initially, things would go fairly well. The Locals got ahead by scoring a goal at the 7th Minute. Ángel was making really good defense… Until the later third of the first half of the match… Which is where Ángel’s fall from grace began.

At the 32nd Minute, he’d make a catastrophic defense error, allowing the opponents to score the equalizer… And then, came the worst. It was the 44th minute. Ángel was trying to defend and the first of many Mindreading Incidents would kick in… He’d read the mind of a teammate… Which initially wasn’t bad… Until Ángel saw the sort of things he’d definitely not like to watch…

In his suffering he fell over by himself, as the ball went from one opposing player to the other, meaning Ángel had made a deviation on the ball’s trajectory. Subsequently, the Goalkeeper, who was initially preparing to run for the other players, didn’t got prepared for Ángel’s Achilles Heel… THE OWN GOAL.

After this, Ángel quickly recovered (He knew what happened just then, but he still felt the pain), and was desperate to get out of the field, hoping a swap with a teammate. Luckily, his manager was so infuriated, that that was what happened just after…

The Match ended 2-1, approximately 70 minutes later (adding the half time, and the added time of each half of the match), with Ángel’s own goal certifying victory for the Visitors…

Ángel’s team wasn’t happy either, oh, no. Everyone was infuriated at Ángel for misrepresenting the team. But… If that really was the case, shouldn’t someone else have gone out and play? Ángel left his team’s spot at camp with several doubts, and as the others left to prepare for the short trip to Mosoto, Ángel remained in site, admiring the Mansion just in front of camp. He was then bumped by Chantal, and it was a nice chat… Until the ocurrings at Menes would repeat. Ángel had another mindreading incident, in a lapse of time of roughly half an hour…

Still, it was impossible it could get worse, right?

After said incident, his team came back. This time, no discussions happened… Because a THIRD incident happened. And the day was far from over. This time, the target chosen by Ángel’s powers was Ana, and again, Ángel saw things he’d most likely NOT want to see. This time it took him further to recover, and they left camp late in comparison to the other teams…

Andrés would drive for this stage, which was good for him… At least he thought. Because little did he or anyone know they’d soon encounter the same issue that they’d been facing for the past 2 stages…

Pullover, between Thornes and Mosoto.

Andrés:“It’s so un-f#¢king believable how we’ve done so far… And how always punctures is our Achilles heel…”
Ana:“Ves que no estoy maldita, Ángel?”
(“You see I’m not Cursed, Ángel?”)
Ángel:“Ey, no es mi culpa… Solo era una suposición. En este Rally hay mucha gente rara, y hay gente que tiene magia… Así que… Si te maldijeron, no sé que hacer ante ello…”
(“Ayyy, it ain’t my fault… I was just supposing. There’s a lot of weird people in this Rally, and there are people with magic… So… If you were cursed, I dunno what to do about it…”)
Josué:“En parte es tu culpa.”
(“It kinda is your fault.”)
Tomás:“A qué si? Porque no compraste neumáticos nuevos? Cuando es que los neumáticos de esta cosa fueron cambiados por última vez?”
(“Yes it is. Why didn’t you buy new tires? When was the last time the tires in this thing were changed?”)
Ángel:“La última vez, al menos, según dice el historial de mantenimiento, fue en el 2005, hace 19 años… No que tú naciste en ese año? Pero da igual. Los neumáticos cuestan algo de dinero, y preferí invertirlo en intentar evitar problemas en la transmisión o en el motor… Y adivinen que? Aparte de nuestro recalentamiento cuando íbamos a Menes… Nada nos ha pasado.”
(“The last time, at least, according to the servicing history book, was in 2005, 19 years ago. Weren’t you born that year? Anyway. Tires cost some money, and I preferred investing it on trying to avoid problems in the transmission or in the engine… And guess what? Besides our overheating issue while heading to Menes… Nothing has happened to us.”)

…if you don’t count punctures, that is.

Mosoto.

Ana:“This place stinks.”
Ángel:“I mean… To me it ain’t that bad. I’ve had to handle worse smells.”
Josué:“Remember the day at Unmar and Lendehamn?”
Ángel:“Yes, Josué, just… don’t remind me of it.”

It was still fairly early in the day, so, the Team decided to spend their time doing certain activities to pass the time.

Ángel, despite having suffered 3 mindreading incidents today, felt like deploying his social butterfly skills with the other teams… Even after realizing that said skills aren’t really functional with the locals. So, he invited Andrés and Josué to come along with him to meet the other teams. The first was Timeloss, one of their closest competitors in the overall standings… But inmediately when they approached, they started to feel… inferior.

Nevertheless, it was Ángel, as usual, the one to break the ice…

Ángel:“Uhm… H-hello…”
Ruuka:“Look what is coming. After 4 days of constant boredom, we’ve finally got something to do…”
Ángel:“W-well… We just came here to talk… First of all… What a machine you’ve got…”

“It kinda makes me feel like nothing with our Aurora…”, thought Ángel, feeling a bit small compared to the girls.

Mirage:“Well… it took some time to prepare it. So far nothing has gone wrong with it… which is surprising, to say the least.”
Josué:“In ours, nothing has gone wrong either, even if it falls a bit short of yours…”
Andrés:“Well, apart from constant punctures… Guess who didn’t change some 19 year old tires…”
Ángel:“Tires are expensive, Andrés!”
Josué:“Then how did you buy the spare ones…?”
Ángel:“I-- Yeah…”

Both groups burst into some short laughter, except Ángel… I mean, he knew he just made himself look dumb.

Ángel:“I-I mean… The tires worked fine, it was you driving too hard…”
Josué:“Yeah, just like you reading minds too hard.”
Selena:“You’re the mind reader, right?”

Selena asked, with no intention to offend, but Ángel, who felt already a bit bullied over said fact, felt like it.

Ángel:“Would people stop recognizing me JUST for THAT!?”
Andrés:“Heyyy, pal, calm down… At least I don’t.”
Ángel:“Ana bullies me over it. The thing that made me recognizible was that specifically! Would people recognize me for something other than that?”

As Andrés was trying to calm Ángel down, Josué saw an opportunity to try and score something on the girls… But Ángel’s mindreading powers had other plans… The target was Josué, and, for once, Ángel’s mindreading issues were useful… as he wailed, twitched, cried and suffered, he could see Josué’s intents, which, while not as disgusting as what he saw on Ana’s mind, per say, was enough to kick off his alarms. Ángel, despite feeling the pain (as he hadn’t fully recovered), ran to get in front of Josué, and unexpectedly, he’d say something that would’ve been proper meme content… If someone got a camera to record it.

Ángel:“Aaaaayyyeee, Bud, this is a rally event, NOT a dating sim.”
Josué:“How did you know?”
Ruuka:“Didn’t hurd him wailing to the high heavens?”

The girls then laughed, and this time it was Josué the one who felt stupid. Besides, Ángel wasn’t happy, but, this consolidated the sole reason why Ángel would be recognizible, and, sadly for him, said reason was the one he despised to a degree.

After this latest incident, Ángel would come again.

Ángel:“I… I feel sorry for what happened… It’s just that… We are still very unexperienced in this… W-we…”
Mirage:“You’re doing fine. Mind Reading isn’t the worst thing one could do.”
Ángel:“I mean, it’s a common power for Yumeisotitanian Humanoids and YHDs…”

“Yumeiso-what? YHDs? What is that?”, Mirage thought. And she’d soon realize that wasn’t the only trick on Ángel’s sleeve… or, should we say, under that eyepatch.

Ángel (by telepathy):“Besides, while not as effective, because I can only hear me and whoever I want to in a range of 100 meters around me, I can communicate by this as well… And this I CAN control. Say “Hello!”.”

Mirage’s mildly confused expression made Ángel laugh, at last, before he’d have to leave same as his two teammates had done moments ago: Ángel would have to make dinner, something which we know can end catastrophically.

Mirage was still a strong spellcaster though, so, she wasn’t that confused after all. But still, she felt like it would be a good idea to investigate this…

Afternoon-Sunset at Mosoto.

…meanwhile, back at the Firulais’ Spot at Camp, Ángel had burnt something to a crisp again, and almost started another fire, similar to his incident at Nevada.

However, this time, Jan, from the Rhino Squad, would come and teach Ángel, over the next couple of hours, to make some meals. And, while Jan’s results were by far and away better than Ángel’s, at least Ángel managed to make things that were decent-ish. Ana, however, didn’t seem to approve…

Ana:“Are you sure this is edible?”
Ángel:“I mean… It ain’t burnt. And I made it with Jan’s Help.”
Ana:“I don’t know… Being you, I wouldn’t trust it. And who the hell is Jan?”
Ángel:“Chantal’s Boyfriend, from the Rhino S—”
Ana:“That smurf’s boyfriend ?”
Ángel (a tad frustrated):“Ana…”
Ana:“Yeah, yeah, I’m not eating this… Are there any—”

Ángel, while patient for most of the time, had enough, and pushed the food into Ana’s mouth, kind of a rude move. But Ángel wanted at least some way to say “Thanks”… He didn’t spend 2 hours learning how to cook, and Jan didn’t spend 2 hours teaching him how to cook for nothing!

Ángel:“Just TASTE IT, and tell me how it is!”
Ana (with increasing enthusiasm):“This… This…”

Ana wanted to raise Ángel’s hopes just to smash them in an instant.

Ana:“This ain’t too bad.”

Ángel’s expression kinda marked how he felt.

Ángel:“W-Well… It’s better than to starve, that’s for sure.”

Very Late Night at Mosoto.

Not much happened for the Firulais later in the night. Ana got drunk and went to sleep relatively early. Tomás did the same, but without being drunk. He actually stayed up a bit further and watched some Anime he’d downloaded to his phone. Andrés and Ángel had their Pokémon Match, and Ángel came gut-wrenchingly close to finally sleeping in a tent, if Andrés would’ve committed an strategic error. So, Ángel had officially passed a week sleeping in a car. Josué was neutral. I mean, after what happened with Timeloss, he preferred keeping his mouth shut.

Late that night however, Ángel would still be awake. But this time it wouldn’t be his own sleeping issues, another mindreading incident to add to the 4 he had today, or Ana’s Alcohol Shenanigans (because for once, she forgot to do them…). It would be him plotting something…

He’d come over to the Nilpferds’ Tent…

Ángel:“Pst.”

Nobody Hurd him, so he whispered.

Ángel (whispering):“Pssst. Chantal!”
Chanty:“…what is it?”
Ángel:“I need some help with something.”

At this point, Ángel realized his telepathic powers would come in handy.

Ángel (by telepathy):“I have an idea on how to mess with Ana. I’ve just realized that she’s been giving me Alcohol… So I’ll give her some things in return…”

Chantal didn’t know how to respond to this. Did she just hurd Ángel’s voice in her mind ? This was all very strange. And the weird things wouldn’t stop there, as Ángel then asked something unusual.

Ángel:“Have you got any spare hair dye ?”
Chanty:“Uhhh… Yes ? Why ?”
Ángel:“That’s part of my idea.”

They giggled quietly, as Chantal got an idea of what Ángel was plotting. They then made the Short Walk to Ana’s Tent, One of 4 in the Firulais’ Spot at Camp. On the way there, Chantal noticed another one of Ángel’s makings… A “Red” T-Shirt was drying over… It seemed like it was cheaply made, but later, it would be revealed that Ángel had painted it… Guess who was the one who owned it.

Chanty:“C…C…C…P ? What does that mean ?”
Ángel:“Союз Советских Социалистических Республик. Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. A.K.A., the USSR, the Soviet Union. I actually painted that.”
(“Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik.”…)
Chanty:“Why the Soviet Union ?”
Ángel:“Ana usually bullies me over the fact I’m Russian… And the fact I live in Russia. But I’m not exactly Russian, I’m Russian-Japanese… A-Anyway. Have you got the hair dye…?”

Ángel whispered as he was starting to giggle again, very silently.

During what was quite a while, Ana, who was in deep sleep thanks to her drinking habits, wouldn’t realize what Ángel and Chantal would be doing to her hair for the rest of the night. Of course, they’d try their hardest not to wake her up with their giggles… And fortunately, they managed to do the whole process without waking her up. After that, Chantal left to her tent to sleep…

…and Ángel headed to the Aurora, feeling very satisfied for the day… He could hardly wait to see Ana’s reaction.

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MCP’s Shitbox Adventures Episode 3 Part 4 - All Out War

It had certainly been an interesting rally so far for the Machinas Con Passione crew. A rally of ups and downs, literally and figuratively, as the team would go from winning to immediately having one of the worst breakdowns the team has suffered, and going from climbing a treacherous ascent in their previous running to enjoying a downhill blast down to Mosoto. The stage was rather eventful for the team, with Loris taking advantage of the opportunity to drop clutch (managing to destroy second gear in the process) and going overboard with the aggression on the handbrake, resulting in the handle being pulled clean off on multiple occasions.

And by eventful, perhaps it would be more fitting to say it was “irritating” or even “proper shite”, to borrow a phrase from Loris, the team mechanic who currently found himself buried under the car for the 5th time in 4 stages, funny how the math works out. On this particular episode of “Loris and Luci bicker about what was broken this time”, the hottest new show on the Shitbox Rally, the twins found themselves somehow locked in on the debate of whether or not they should patch or replace the tire, a discussion that found itself taking up more time than either decision would have.

Not helping was the side input from Maria and Giacomo, who had each taken the side of a twin. The battle lines were as follows:

Maria and Luci were adamant that the entire thing should be replaced. It just so happened that this was the only side that actually had an argument, with the points of “if we replace the tire, it’ll last longer than any patch or half-assed fix would” and “if it pops again we’ll be stuck here all day!” being met with the very sophisticated counters of “Mate, I can tape the bleedin’ wheel together with some gum and dirt!” and “I do not want to be tripped by the jack swinging technique again!” from Loris and Giacomo.

“Alright, that’s it!” Maria shouted, stopping Giacomo mid rant about ‘not having any healing water this time’ should he fall victim to the patented jack swing again. A silence fell among the squad as Giacomo, Maria, Luci and Loris all exchanged a brief moment of tense eye contact, before Maria continued. “We’re going to settle this. Like men.” Giacomo gulped, knowing that Maria could probably, no, definitely fold him with her pinky if it ever came to that. The thought alone was enough for Giacomo to immediately fold and surrender, leaving Loris to take on the two ladies himself.

Loris, not one to back down even when it is very apparent he should, stood up to Maria, getting in her face for all of two seconds before realizing he is much taller than her, and scooting back a bit so the two could make eye contact. “Right. Like men… Wait, what?”
At that moment, the warzone was revealed. Rock. Paper. Scissors. Maria smirked. “To the death.” At that, Loris cracked his knuckles, giving the girls a smirk before settling into battle position.

The loss suffered that day by Loris has since gone down in Rock Paper Scissors history, and after the tire was replaced, the MCP crew would move on to finish the stage in a perfectly average position, though the highlight of the day would be when the team drove up to the stage camp, leaving the car to find themselves at the foot of the most grand mansion Giacomo had seen since the team set off. Giacomo, with breakneck speed, ran off towards the mansion’s exquisite fountain and set off a goose chase that would more than likely end with something invaluable being broken and the crew trying to wiggle their way out of another disaster wholly caused by their own stupidity.

What else is new?

MCP - Fin

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