Sisten Gains New CEO, Gives Corsica an Ultimatum
Richard Zucker | 19/08/2020
Amid continuing financial troubles amplified by the COVID-19 crisis, Sisten CEO John Hart announced his resignation yesterday and will be succeeded by COO Damian Davies.
Hart, having served as CEO since 2008, led the company through the 2008 automotive industry crisis and pushed for development on the all-electric SHEP platform, co-developed with Hokuto. In a statement released yesterday, the former CEO speaks out further on his retirement.
jhsdcg976TSJHcn skdljefhyt (/ASd g cjashdfb smd.jkfyh)/( UYQw80e 7t8q7hfd KJWHd=udaksduj
Hart sadly lost his glasses just last week and despite best efforts, they could not be found. His successor, Damian Davies, held a conference to dealership managers across the country to affirm struggling dealers and gave a 48-minute speech explaining his vision. Blurry, as he too had lost his glasses. Certain managers were willing to share the contents of Davies’ 5-minute speech detailing his plans for the company, revealing new information about the state of Corsica.
“We certainly do not wanna lose one of the three brands within the Sisten family… [sips water] …and with that in mind, I thought up a plan for Corsica in bed last night. We are going to cut its lineup in half for the 2022 model year and introduce a new, all-electric crossover after that. If profits increase by a considerable amount, so will our liking for the brand.”
"A key thing to keep in mind here is that we need the profits to increase and not necessarily the sales.
It’s uncertain what the new CEOs plan exactly is, but our researchers have determined it could include slashing multiple models off of the brands lineup and increased focus on EV vehicles. Only time can tell.
Oh yeah Davies is Sisten’s first black CEO.
@Mikonp7 | 5:31pm
No more @Corsica? Yo @Rigore you got a new customer
@chiefzach2018 | 4:07pm
2020 SISTEN EXC CONFIRMED?
Damian Davies is a proud EXC owner. He got it secondhand from his father, who purchased it in 1985, the same year the car was revealed to the world. It’s been 32 years since it joined the family. Important? Not on its own. We have to bring in a number cipher to better understand this. Assume A maps to 1 and Z maps to 26, with all the other numbers mapping in this same order. E is represented by 5, X is represented by 24, and C is represented by 3. Add all three values together, and you get 32. However, if we take this into consideration, the car should’ve been released in 2017, though thinking such would be a foolish decision. Remember how there were two owners? The father and the son - two individuals - imply the car was mainly parked in two different houses, the father’s and the son’s respectively. Two, shall we say, bases of operation. Base two is a counting system where each digit is limited to a value of either 0 or 1. Add these together, and you get - you guessed it - 1. What’s the relevance though? It’s a positive 1, which we can use to shift the values around in the aforementioned table. This means we can apply a Caesar cipher onto the letters such that they each shift forward one place. Doing this, EXC translates to FYD, which leads to integer values of 6, 25, and 4. Adding these together gets us to that magical number 35. Though wait, do you see something? 3 and 5 can be added together to get 8. Why 35 years specifically? Perhaps it’s a hint at an engine type? If they wanted another I4, they would’ve made a new model, say, 40 years on, not 35. With downsizing trends, 30 years would’ve been perfect for introducing an I3. However, they go with 35… Maybe it’s finally got a V8? Have they noticed how many EXCs get their original hearts swapped out for more powerful, reliable V8s? Though then you realize it’s mid-engine. Certainly this couldn’t be the dawn of a new day for the Sisten company, don’t you think? You’re left wondering why Davies would make such a power move as cutting Corsica’s lineup after barely getting his butt in the CEO’s seat. Thanosing it in this capacity frees up plenty of cash for a new model or two - perhaps even a new, mid-engine platform. We know full well Sisten has experience with mid-engine vehicles, and it’s not out of reason to consider they may very well be working on a platform that fits the engine behind the driver. This premise, alongside a fairly lackluster model range (quoth a reporter: “your cars are dull”), is the perfect opening for a V8-powered EXC successor to arrive. See, if you cut out performance cars like the Volant, Wildcat, and Cheetah, then you leave a perfect space for a sports car and what better way to assert Sisten’s dominance than doing a supercar with their name? Davies stating “we need the profits to increase and not necessarily the sales” is a clear indicator that a more elusive, expensive model may very well be on the horizon. Maybe the electric crossover he’s mentioning may serve as a test bed for hybrid technologies to be implemented in a higher trim of this idealized supercar, though there’s already plenty of information from the SHEP platform ready to be applied. Financial troubles could very well just be them faking it to underreport income and gather more money for the car, making this a bluff that other automakers may fall for. However, this could very well be the case, and if they sell a more upscale car for a lower price while still keeping margins at appropriate levels, it may very well be the case that this supercar could save the Sisten company. Seeing how many enthusiasts out there pledge their support to such cars, Sisten is making a calculated move to supply the speed these folks need and turn a quick buck - a win-win situation. Sisten needs a performance car to live, and come on mom I’m using the bathroom don’t barge in on me like that I’ll be out in a few minutes please respect my privacy. Anyway, I’m just gonna finish this real quick because I have work to get to. New EXC confirmed, let’s go #Sisten #supercar ! #EXCconfirmed #gimmelikes #youthemanDamian
@On3CherryShake | 8:22pm
Lmao Hokuto is the only thing keeping Sisten afloat now? Makes sense to me
@yangx2 | 8:10pm
Another brand turning into a tree hugging crossover CUCK. Innis is the only true alpha brand they never give into that Chinese crossover craze! LOSERS! #USA #BUYAMERICAN #BUILTINNISTOUGH #MASKSAREMURDER