Skorponk. The pride of the Most Glorious Socialist Republic of Zoblovnia. It had not always been that way. For years, the country had festered in obscurity, looking on enviously as its bigger neighbours made their mark on the world. They boasted extensive industrial and manufacturing capability. They fielded powerful armies and absurdly ostentatious military parades. They housed vibrant cultures, attracting thousands of tourists to their shores every year. Most humiliating of all, their vodka could be drunk without significant risk of blindness.
Zoblovnia had none of these things. Most foreigners could not even point out the country on the map. The politburo decided this had to change. People would come to know the name Zoblovnia, they declared, and they would know it well. The big question was how?
The party chairman, Vladimir Pridurok, had always exhibited a fondness for the automobile. He had taken an interest in how great marques such as Lada, Yugo and Trabant had established themselves on the world stage. How they had put their countries on the map. That, he decided, was the way Zoblovnia would make its name. The country would design and build its very first production car.
The politburo called upon the talents of one Mikhail Vzorvatsya, a rising star within the party with a background in engineering. Vzorvatsya soon put his skills to good use, cannibalising parts from an old sewing machine to develop the engine that would power car. The design for the body proved much more difficult. Several times, Vzorvatsya’s designs were rejected by the politburo for not being boxy enough and therefore “too bourgeois.” Nevertheless, he persisted, and soon the “Skorponk,” named in honour of a Zoblovnian general with a disturbing penchant for sewing machines, made its debut.
The ‘Proletarian’ model, held a 1.2L engine, and came in only one colour, Victory Beige. Vzorvatsya proudly proclaimed the vehicle could travel from 0-60mph in less than a minute, and with such a large boot space, it was possible to store several jerry cans-worth of fuel for when the car invariably ran out going any further than the local corner shop.
The politburo was delighted by Vzorvatsya’s new car and immediately outlawed every other make and model in the country. “Proles” quickly flooded the roads of Zoblovnia and began to trickle beyond the borders. The car became a symbol of affection in the country and internationally it became affectionately known as the “Happy Car” due to its tendency to leave black clouds behind.
However, Vzorvatsya refused to rest on his laurels.
