Team Chitco
Part 0a: Slowly coming together
Pedro...and Tom. and Anna AND Dennis
-I have news.
-Let’s hear them.
-I will be absent for couple of days, beggining of October.
-Remember when we had a quick sex several months ago? Result is gonna come in…about that time.
-Really, I thought your stomach inflated for no reason. I legitimately couldn’t tell you are pregnant.
-I may be vulnerable and would need help…that you can’t provide because…whatever is reason for your absense.
-Could call my brother, i…don’t think he has any small children at the moment
-Are you sure?
-I said I think
Someone giggling from behind the couch responded
-Quite a rarity for you, dad.
-How long is he there?
-I heard everything.
-Havent we had that talk to not spy on people?
-Its still funny
Pedro sighed
-Maybe, but please don’t do it in school.
-We are on vacation. Where are you going anyway?
-Sweden. It’s very cold place and there will be lot of cars going around track. Some will even crash.
-Sounds fun…maybe.
Mom…had an idea.
-Maybe he can bring some of you there. Last thing I need atm is you popping from…wherever and scaring me.
-Can we throw popcorn on track?
-Uhhh, no. Besides, I plan to drive.
-You will compete?
-Yes.
-We gotta prank them.
-No. We will be racing fair. It’s serious competition, race of professionals.
-You can drive car with trailer…therefore you are professional driver. I don’t think so, dad.
-I haven’t caused any accidents, so yes I’m pretty good. Especially considering cacophony of noises most of my passengers emit.
-Will see if someone is interested in going to cold place to watch you drive around track in bad car and crash.
Kid left
-You had to suggest it.
-It will be nice bonding experience.
-Before I’m gonna need to deploy my teammates to babysit children.
-It will be fine.
-So you two are interested in going to watch dad drive?
I can live with this.
-Hi, sorry I’m late.
-Oh no…why you?
-Because it will be fun
-Not for me…I just hope there will be enough space for four of us. Will need to see what would be available when we get to Glasgow.
-Havent you said we are going to Sweden?
-Yes, but our team starts from place called Glasgow. From there, we are going to Sweden.
-Why?
-They…I guess they live there?
-How big is the team?
-I’m…not sure. But we will find out.
Raufoss
BANG
BANG
-I guess this is it. Lemme see if I can open it now.
I can.
He had now entered the flat. This seems to be some kind of base for Krta and his associates.
There was lot to like about this place, mainly because it had lot of ammo our guy uses because elite members of Krta’s forces also use said ammo.
-Hmm…I might as well have backup.
And with that, he picked up one of weapons along with relatively big box of ammo, which will be followed by some more boxes of both ammo and food.
-Raufoss Smons
-You know my name. Can I ask for yours?
-No…Chicota Senior Loojoephantom.
-Well, go fuck yourself I guess.
-How busy are you nowadays?
-Why would that be of your business?
-You are technically possible member of team and could be really useful driver.
-For what?
-Trafikjournalen 24h of Clunkers. We plan to enter 2005 VerBanka Cauchy 2.0 Eco.
-You know, I guess, that I don’t indulge in driving shitty cars.
There is pause
-I guess you wouldn’t be willing to be mechanic either?
-I had little bit of research myself and I really find it unlikely that me and my…codriver would be able to contribute.
-Codriver?
-My gun
-Right…Still, it could be fun. You might land your eye on some competent daily driver there.
-What is wrong with my car?
-Guzzles fuel. It is excellent car, not to be mistaken, but I don’t think it’s quite right for what you do.
-Has two good reasons to do so.
Pause
-Either way, we expect you to join us. There will be free food and free beer and we will make sure to prep parking space for your car…and pay for fuel.
-You are trying too hard.
-Maybe, but we would be happy to have you along. Besides, little bit of socializing is always nice to have.
You exist for one month and seven days and are like WORK, WORK, WORK whole time. Smons we know and love isn’t like that.
-I may be based on him, but I’m not him.
-Yeah, but I feel he might have enjoyed the opportunity to join. You aren’t him, but are similar enough. Who knows, maybe you will have a say next year in choosing our entry…
Raufoss smirked.
-I guess I could join your band of chaos. It might not be entirely sucky.
-Well, go fuck yourself…and see you in Glasgow.
He chuckled
-See you there
Call was ended and Raufoss now had destination that will promptly be punched into satnav.
Edward...and Sora...and Mat
Throne met the ass and had a bit of give as response.
Owner of ass assumed comfortable position and called for first person to come in
-My King, I arrive with news. You know that I’m big car enthusiast and had managed to get ahold of this magazine about it. It’s called Trafikjournalen and they organize this race of sorts that involves cheap cars.
-Why would I care about such an event?
-You…participated in it last year? I somehow got hold of you scoring 5th that year. This year, in case you return, there might even be a win.
-I shall consult with my advisor.
-You did recall that you often chased two criminals around here without second thought. Hell, they stole a car three days ago.
-And I returned it back. Point being?
-You don’t need any stupid advisor to drive like a maniac.
-I’m calling out
NONSENSE
And the King left…until he grabbed the advisor and returned. Advisor was understandably confused
-Dare to say that to her face
-You don’t need advisor to tell you if you can or can’t drive a car
-You did called her stupid.
She spoke
-What is all of this about? I was just now explaining best way to do surgery on open heart to some green-ass doctor.
-Ah…you too participated in some race of rubbish cars last year?
-What?
-I’m informing you that race on which our King participated is happening this year as well. It was placed in some place called Sweden, apparently.
-What, you are that enthusiastic to watch your King hit guardrail?
-Its fun to watch.
-You are weird people.
-We have weird king.
Speaking of whom, throne is again occupied
-After more than 70y, it’s not a surprise I got tad bit weird. I believe you remember my first wife.
-Thats was unwise decision you made young…wait, first? You plan to remarry?
-Yes and I found appropriate candidate already
-Who tf?
-Looking at her atm. Sora lived nice life and was proven to be someone that will not get corrupted with power.
-She is also as old as you are
-Yes, that might help. Besides, having a nurse at hand would be handy for multiple reasons.
If I go to that race, she is coming with me.
-Sweden also has a king btw. Worth keeping in mind.
-Didnt matter last year, wouldn’t matter this year either. Only thing that matters is that I’m gonna try organize how will things be ran during our absence.
-Excuses, excuses…nobody felt your absence last year either
-Bcos I planned it well.
-We both know there was no actual planning.
Edward made some pause before responding
-Dare to challenge King’s wisdom?
-Yes? You aren’t gonna act on it anyway, maybe I can even a company you two on journey, help with luggage.
Edward chuckles
-Could be considered…We will see. I have contacts in Glasgow and that’s where we will go and organise with rest of team. As was case last year, it’s Team Chitco that we are talking about.
-I think I have somewhat of a grasp on Swedish language due to reading that Swedish magazine.
-Thats…not really much of an issue. Could be helpful, however.
Pi...and Andrea
-I request some muscular help.
-No.
-I’m informing you that this is big load that needs to be hauled.
-Lemme see if I can help.
Load is essentially looking like refrigerator someone got on it’s back. Indeed seems rather heavy, partially due to its size, which seems like you could sleep in it.
-I will help you, Pi. I just need to bring some more help.
-Good, I will arrange that we find something able to transport this all the way to Glasgow.
-Van should work.
-If that’s so…I think this might fit?
-Kontir Roxton…indeed, it will work.
-Good. It’s sorted out then.
Coming together
-Chicota, they arrived.
-Who?
-Mrdja, VerBanka, Shaike and some driver apparently.
He looks through window and confirms last vehicle they used is still what they use…with the matching trailer. Hops into it, with trailer still attached, finding it well-suited for what he wants to do. After confirmation, he gets lot of money and is on his way, unstoppable.
Just for sake of…representing just how much can potentially be brought back from his spree, he is using proper van and upon return, it was indeed dutifully mostly filled with beer crates. Which is a lot of beer crates.
Almost all relevant vehicles that shall be utilized would soon appear…along with relevant users.
-Dad, what is that?
-I don’t know, but it seems like a van.
-Argh, it looks like shit outside. Seriously, you haven’t even washed it?
Then the kid decided to use sliding door to access the situation on inside.
It was even shittier.
-This is terrible. How would anyone agree to riding in this?
-Do you know what manners are?
-No.
-You shall be slapped mightily, as declared by older sibling such as me.
-So fat, you will NEVER catch me.
-Watch me.
Pedro didn’t felt like interfering on this sibling bicker and resulting chase, which extended into going through van.
And then it happened.
-YOU SPILLED YOUR JUICE ALL OVER THE SEAT
-IT’S BECAUSE YOU PUSHED ME
-DAAAAD!!!
Seat wasn’t the only affected area…Pedro has now deeply regretted bringing children and swept in to look at the damage.
-I might as well leave you lot here if you cause any further trouble
-We promise we will be nice
-I doubt it.
-You know we aren’t much trouble usually
-WHICH OF YOU SNEAKED BEER INTO HERE?!?
Chicota appeared
-I decided we shall carry plenty of beer. All vehicles we will use will carry beer crates. Partially because I enjoy beer, partially to make friends there.
I’m going there to drink and make friends.
-Ah…so we meet once again…
-Yes, Pedro, we do.
-So we are using this van?
-Yes.
-Anybody called dibs on it?
-Nope. As I intend to drink while going there, I’m not gonna drive. As I’m robot, I would have no chance of getting drunk, but unwilling to explain that to police.
You interested? It’s merely bigger than your vehicle but of same type and tows same kind of trailer.
-Hmm, true that…four of us will use van, then.
Next arrivals would be Edward, Sora and third person. While Edward didn’t necessarily have anything against trio of chaos now established in the van, he decided that other option avaiable would do nicely.
-I may be a King, but I’m certainly not going to flash around my title and wealth. This is a race of shitboxes, so this convoy seems very appropriate.
Before more could be said, Raufoss arrived, interrupting him. His ride had attracted some chosen responses
-…
-Wha..?
-WHOA
-WOW
-THAT’S BEST CAR EVER!!!
Edward is King however and missed no beat
-Someone we know?
-Not only that, he is coming along.
-With us?
-Yes.
-I our convoy? To Sweden?
-Yes.
-Quite interesting. I’m sure there is some more space in these…
-I have no interest in being driven or driving such vehicles.
-May I ask you why?
-Because I’m looking for certain degree of overall competence in my vehicles. They both need to have great design and be very-well engineered.
Then ofc, there is also need to have easy access to my co-driver
He would pull out rather big Barrett M82, indicating this is “co-driver” he is referring to.
-I’m told we have no reason to come there with weapons, but I’m nevertheless bringing it. While this is intended to be chance to socialise and stuff, I know my opponents never rest and if they come to crash our fun…I will be prepared.
-Isnt that little excessive?
-Not at all. In regards to killing incompetence, there is no kill like overkill.
-Just be discreet about it. We don’t want trouble with hosts just because we have such arsenal.
-Dont worry, that isn’t in my interest either.
Support vehicles...
I shall mention Mrdja, Madrias and Nev in exactly that order, as without them ingredients of this convoy would not exist.
Each of them was responsible for one vehicle each and those will be mentioned in same order as was done for creators
1995 Kontir Cunningham 1.9
Kontir is Gasmean brand that makes…well, this kinda stuff anyway: pickup trucks, vans, SUVs…that sorta deal.
Cunningham means that we are talking about rather big pickup truck: somewhere in spectrum of full-size or even tad bit above that. It’s not medium-duty, however.
This thing was already used by team in just about any Shitbox Rally so far organized by Shift Happens. It clearly looks rather big…and it is. It’s only support vehicle with 4X4, which makes sense tbh.
It’s longest overall, close to being widest, likely tallest by far (due to the aftermarket construction on it) and…lightest. No, really, this vehicle having over 2000 kg is lightest here. Having smallest engine (which also provides least amount of power) probably helps in that matter. It has 4 cylinders, 2 liters and 157hp. Yes, there is vehicle in convoy having a turbo or two…or four. No, this ain’t that vehicle.
Only vehicle of team that comes from last century and only whose cylinders are arranged in straight line. Also has manual gearbox.
It’s towing trailer with participant vehicle on it and has fair bit of spare parts, supplies (with notable mention of a lot of beer) and general luggage.
Due to its participation in prior SRs, along with fact that it isn’t exactly cuddled in meantime, means it has fair bit of general usage on and in it.
2010 Bricksley Highwayman 3.9 SE
Bricksley is American automaker that had produced this vehicle, which obviously is not a car. Event will also feature Grand Warden used by other team and that obviously is a car. Some other products by this company will be pickup trucks and SUVs.
Highwayman here is a van and, while that isn’t likely to be the case for this generation, had possibility of pickup truck version based on it in the past
This team is (ab)using it for quite some time: this was tow vehicle of choice for previous 24h of Clunkers and would then go on to serve as mobile house to couple of people.
Unlike other supporters (but kinda like participant) this is powering only one axle; rear, to be precise. In most criteria regarding size, this is smallest supporter: only one not having 3.53m wheelbase or length drastically over 5m. Blessed with width that isn’t over 2m etc.
Engine isn’t much to write about: it’s 3.9 liter V6 having 206hp.
While the Highwayman might not end up causing any trouble for group, it very much can and likely will do it if given opportunity.
Between towing a car to Sweden last year, serving as mobile home to some people and then continuing to serve as mobile home while towing a trailer, this van didn’t receive much love in either cleaning or maintenance.
Expect it to be decently dirty and muddy outside and having fair bit of sweat, spilled food and drinks inside.
There is non-zero possibility it still carries at least one mattress, general luggage and supplies (beer deserving special mention) and it probably could serve as sleeping space once more.
It tows a camping trailer (think BeamNG.Drive vanilla trailer fully outfitted inside) that will likely also serve as sleeping space
2020 Thistle Gallus Grace
Thistle is Scottish car manufacturer and, unlike other two that will be mentioned, is brand that isn’t really strictly defined in regards to it’s lineup.
Gallus Grace is luxury sedan of highest order and finds almost no equal.
This is personal vehicle of Raufoss Smons, mainly because he has very high standards in regards to cars he would be using and…this particular example was conveniently avaiable. As such, even tho very much doesn’t fit the vibe of group, it is part of it nevertheless. It has some history with team regardless, but that was some time ago and it wasn’t as consistent as for others
Regarding what makes this special…where one even begins? In front, there is massive 16 cylinder engine with 2 turbochargers. And by massive, we mean “14 liters” kinda massive, which results in subdued 1066hp. Thankfully, it also has AWD which helps controlling the power.
It seats four people and it has just about everything in quantities that leave nobody unsatisfied; seeing that it’s second longest, widest and by far the heaviest (having over 500 kg more than either of other two mentioned) it better deliver.
Raufoss has put his own supplies and equipment on this journey. Expect this car having ammunition and some guns that would use said ammunition inside, along with some supplies (notable exception being beer).
...and people using them
People will be listed by vehicles in which they will arrive on event so, in same order:
Kontir
-
Andrea VerBanka
She will probably cook, but most likely will just observe the happenings on track. She is leader of VerBanka brand, which just so happens to be manufacturer of the entry.
Also will likely celebrate her 26th physical birthday on or around the track (while she was created about 8 years ago, she is technically made on basis of someone that is indeed 26). Is in recovery from some particularly nasty fight she had some time earlier. -
Pi Chitco
Similar story age-wise as 1) but is already 26y old.
Likely assisting in and around the pits, as she lacks knowledge and skills for much more than that. Her specific build would surely come in handy in regards to hauling heavier stuff. -
Edward
King in his 70s, but looks much younger due to body-spread facelift operation several years ago.
Kingdom in question is not on Earth, but it’s not specified where it is or how it’s called…so we shall note it just…is.
Members of other teams that hang out with royalty are most likely going to figure out Edward is such person as well. He will likely not attract attention to title otherwise and Is very much “down-to-earth” type of person.
One of drivers of the team, known to be able (and willing) to chase down two criminals that have tendency to steal his cars…using another car. Chases result in some light damage to surroundings, due to driving through windows, fruit stands and other such stuff. -
Sora
As is case with her partner she is also in her 70s…and looks every bit like that. On her way to be his second wife, after first one died (thankfully, as she had no redeeming features anyway).
Sora insists that everyone shall bow down to Emperor, god-like being that is approached in similar fashion as monarch in universe she comes from: said being is regular female otherwise…and somewhat of basis to 1) here.
Put this aside (as you mostly will) and you will enjoy competence this retired nurse brings to table.
Obviously a medic of this team. -
Mat
Car enthusiast that had informed Edward about race. This is normal citizen of kingdom led by Edward and would accompany the duo mentioned right above.
Likely the one to communicate with hosts on behalf of the team due to some knowledge of Swedish. Note said knowledge comes exclusively from magazine, so…there is that. -
Michaela Daniloski
Mechanic of the team and leader of Daniloski brand. She is annoyed that entry is not of Daniloski brand and will be on lookout for competition that runs competitors to Daniloski-branded vehicles to make a point.
No, she will not care that you brought that super-saloon in terrible shape…it’s still super-saloon. Same goes for most likely find of different spices of hot hatch. Or wagon version of either. Or generally sporty vehicle able to pack a punch. Andrea will get ice bucket in either of those cases.
Bricksley
-
Pedro Broodnik
Very capable at making children and helping our group out when and if possible. Usually drives minivan, not a van, but general idea of his kids screaming behind him and him towing a camper stays. He will also drive in this event.
As mentioned, he often drives minivan mostly filled with children and is towing a trailer most of the time, yet no accident has bestowed him so far. -
Tom Broodnik
One of children of Pedro, that decided to go on journey and see dad racing. Most mature child on journey and probably the oldest -
Kate Broodnik
One of children of Pedro, that decided to go on journey and see dad racing. Expect her to argue with Dennis over petty matters -
Dennis Broodnik
One of children of Pedro, that decided to go on journey and see dad racing.
This one is youngest of trio and will prank other members of this team (and potentially other teams) if given the opportunity.
Probably will be morale booster of team…unless he gets too annoying. -
Chicota Loojoephantom
2m tall and 100 kg heavy human-looking robot. While he can both drive and repair car rather well, he joined for possibility of making friends. Therefore he will likely spend most of time drinking beer (which he can do as long as it can physically fit into him) and supplying some more beer to potential drinkmates.
Thistle
- Raufoss Smons
Technically 24y old made about month and a half ago. He is intended to fight off some bad guys originally, hence why he has quite a bit of gun in car…and ammo for it.
Said gun is Barrett M82 chambered in .50 BMG, which also applies to backup Zastavas M93.
He was invited to join on the fun, but that doesn’t mean he is assuming meaningful role: while he is solid driver, he also has standards that little Cauchy can’t meet, new or otherwise.
Raufoss can probably get annoyed, but he will maintain composure more likely than not. He was also advised to leave weapons in car and not behave intimidatingly aka handling said gun around.
Entrant vehicle
2005 VerBanka Cauchy 2.0 Eco
Car is basically making a return into the event, as this is intended to be same vehicle as was case in previous year.
Sadly pictures will have to wait until submission is finalized because it’s currently reworked in that department.
You can see how it previously looked here:
The 2023 Trafikjournalen 24h of clunkers - (END OF RACE!) - #67 by MrdjaNikolen
What went through almost no change is mechanical part of it: it has relatively fresh fuel pump (installed on previous event), has participated in crashes of various variety (also during previous event) and has racked some more distance over already big 500k km it had prior to previous year.
Oh
Also turbo failed in meantime, so it was removed: car now makes less power as result.