THE SPY KIDS
It’s the Trafikjournalen 24 hour race, take two!
The Drivers
Jessica Lombaerts
Age: 19
Appearance: 170cm tall, dirty blonde/brunette hair, dresses exclusively for the beach, skate park, or nightclub.
Description: Half-Dutch, half mad. Her main job is to drive fast, and her car collection reflects that. Her other job is to smoke enough weed to asphyxiate an entire country, and as a result half of the colour and texture in her hair is actually hashish. Is also a hip hop dancer.
Vehicles: BMW M3 (E92), Suzuki Hayabusa, Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio, Pagani Zonda F Clubsport
Shay Hirvonen
Age: 18
Appearance: 160cm, blonde hair, wears cottage-core outfits, winter sweaters, or androgynous clothes.
Description: Soft and cuddly on the outside, sharp and devious on the inside. Is better with her hands than anyone else on the team, and probably anyone else this side of the Olympics. When she’s not in soft-core mode, she will step on you, and you will like it. Can also shoot better than Alexis despite not being a committed militant.
Cars: Jaguar E-Type, Mercedes-Maybach S650 (with upgrades), VW Kombi (with upgrades), Bugatti Chiron
Lazar Kandyba
Age: 25
Appearance: 167cm, black hair, black beard, 80% normal clothes, 20% Soviet wear and Slav Squat tracksuits.
Description: Ukrainian, Khrushchevist, anti Stalin, anti modern Russia. Much vodka consumption, almost as much sunflower seed consumption. Switched from tobacco to cannabis to alleviate lung problems actually caused by living in Donetsk. Can haggle his way out of a Rolls-Royce dealership. Knows Krav Maga, Muay Thai, and AK47.
Cars (all upgraded): Lada Niva, Nissan Stagea, Mitsubishi Evo VIII, Volvo 850
Petra Kennedy
Age: 17
Appearance: 155cm, blonde, half cottagecore, half band shirts
Description: You think Jessica’s mad? Petra is the closest thing you will find to a mad scientist this side of an interdimensional portal. She is a pyromaniac, complete with a collection of explosives and various other flammable items, and once blew up several rooms of her school. As such, she is on several lists. She also has an entire room dedicated to Minecraft merchandise, and can shoot a target as well as Shay, which serves her well when she does her, ahem, pest control job.
Car: VW ID3 Pro S
Shay’s Teenage Pit Crew
Lauren Darabay
Age: 19
Appearance: 163cm, dark brown hair, dresses like an architect
Description: The bad cop to Shay’s good cop, she has no softcore mode and will just step on you. Resident piano player and yerba mate addict. (No, that one doesn’t have cocaine.) Is banned from eleven countries for political reasons, and will also not set foot in Northern Arkansas.
Megumi Tetsuya
Age: 17
Appearance: 155cm, Japanese-Canadian, sometimes looks like a painter, sometimes like a fashionista, always like she should be in Paris.
Description: What you see is largely what you get. Basically the one normal person in Spy Kids garage. Would’ve used the car as an art canvas, but the panels were too rusty to repaint the car.*
Lazar’s Muscle
Giorgi Ingorokva
Age: 23
Appearance: 191cm, green hair, boiler suits or designer fashion
Description: Amateur rugby player, professional flaming homosexual, wannabe rockstar. Runs a garage in Liverpool and a clothing store next door, though his residence is of uncertain legality. Played three matches for London Scottish.
The car
It’s another Rosewood! This time, however, it’s a Vicugna instead of a Bovinus. It has a viscous all wheel drive system (that doesn’t work), viscous differentials (that don’t work), severe underbody rust, and a fuel injection system that metres fuel by horoscope instead of a fuel map. Lazar’s also bolted a skidplate to the bottom because the cladding fell off. The 4.3L flat six theoretically produces 201 bhp, but that’s probably closer to 150 now. Still, the Bovinus was heavier and had a solid rear axle so this should at least be easier to drive.
