The Car Shopping Round (Round 64): Tears in Heaven

[lordvader1]

inline 3 for the lolz

big block inline 3

300 cc inline 3 for lolz

[4LGE]

Entries confirmed from:
@Ornate
@Madrias
@lordvader1
@TheUltimateD00M
@BobLoblaw
@abg7
@conan
@TR8R
@Mythrin
@DracoAutomations
@thegermanbeamer
@Denta
@AirJordan
@Der_Bayer
@Leonardo9613
@thecarlover
@strop
@Microwave
@JohnWaldock
@TheElt
@oppositelock
@koolkei
@LordLetto

[4LGE]

Just to provide an immediate update (I know it is a double post, but that can hopefully be excused).

While I wanted to dedicate this entire day for completing reviews, I might only be able to finish the first phase today, and the final phase on the following day. My brother took a good chunk of the day out of the schedule, and I have underestimated the scale I’ve been going for.

However, what I can provide right now is this Teaser!:

---

Venue 1: London
Starring Jameson Clarke © and Jacques Avril (A)

Monday Morning in London, the city to host the first venue of the 1949 Transeuropean Express Rolling Road Car Exhibition, or TERRCE. For a change, it was not raining. Instead, a damp haze still lingers above the river Thames. The site is undergoing final preparations. The cars, which have until now all been stored in a warehouse by the harbour, are now being driven to their stands. Jameson Clarke and Jacques Avril, two journalists who have been cooperating since the war, are patrolling through the rather empty hall, expecting to get some easy early impressions of the cars as they roll in to their spots. [spoiler]Clarke has gained a bit of a name for writing usually immediate reports of the wartime events in France. This however wouldn’t be possible if it weren’t for the young Jacques Avril, who got into journalism more by accident. Avril attempted to immigrate to Britain before the war, but returned back to France as he was at first rejected for residency. This was however enough time to meet Jameson Clarke, who expected bad times in France.[/spoiler]
A: “How we supposed to stay objective about l’esthétique of the automobiles?”
C: “We don’t. Write about the obvious and features that stand out to you. A photograph can say more about the objective aesthetics than a thousand words could, so we leave that to the photographers.”
A: “Then what do we do?”
C: “Find out as much as we can about what’s making the car special. The good aspects are interesting, but it’s the bad things that are entertaining not only to write!”
A: “Ehh, not all bad things…”
C: “Jacques, cars are always good news. Even something bad like an automotive metal box that has been built in some place like… Romania, can be good news! Because that means that European industrialisation has also reached those remote corners! Though, I doubt we’ll see a Romanian-made car here.”

[Ornate]

Velkolepy Krasny

‘Looks can be deceiving’

The eastern-european automobile manufacturer Velkolepy’s specialty has always been high-end sport and luxury vehicles and had many high-profile customers ranging from Danish royalty to Polish statesmen. Krasny was a project in 13 years in making that faced crisis after crisis, just as the first prototype was crafted, the tensions across Germany lead to the project to be dropped as the engineering manpower was being spent on military projects. As the tensions turned into a war, the prototype was disassembled and, the parts & documents were hidden in various places from barns to basements of brewers in order to prevent the project being seized. After the German occupation went, came the Soviet occupation and then came the puppet government which nationalized Velkolepy. While half the engineers escaped for more prosperous and stable countries during liberation, the remaining was tasked to create a basic commuter which could be produced fast, cheap and was reliable. With not having enough manpower to make a project from scratch, the tiny group tried to recover what was left of the Krasny and re-adapt it. Krasny’s inline 6, 4 liter DOHC was replaced with a 427 cc engine shared by the local motorcycle manufacturer, the double wishbone set up in the rear was replaced with leaf springs, the hand-beaten aluminum body became mass produced steel, dashboard padding was removed and the leather seats was replaced with rough cloth.

‘Hold me closer tiny pushrod, Count the headlights on the highway’

While the changes made the vehicle’s acceleration ten times worse and cut the top speed in half. The high-end grand tourer car was converted to a great commuter and the left-over design from the grand tourer origin such as it’s aerodynamic design and minimal vents helped it give a whopping 44.2 mpg and the mass-production oriented changes manage to cut the price to $5600. As the tensions was starting between East vs West, the Communist government was impressed by it’s modern design and reliability and pushed Velkolepy into the Transeuropean Exhibition in order to show that the puppet government wasn’t a tinpot state and actually had competent industry.

[AirJordan]

Damn it, you are also double posting and now it looks like you don’t know the edit button

[strop]

I would not worry about the parallels, since the circumstances dictated the response. Also we built different things. One went from a luxury GT to a city commuter, the other went from a fighter plane disguised as a race car to a continental commuter.

[lordvader1]

i can haz results?

[4LGE]

A: “The suspension is real, really intriguing on this…”

At this moment, they could feel the ground vibrating slightly, with a faint engine noise coming from just outside.
H: “What is happening?”
A: “Panzer?”
C: “Jacques, keep good note, if it is. If we were to catch the Germans making a bad joke by entering a panzer into this venue… that would be outrageous enough to make the title story! That’d be truly outrageous!”

---

Still writing on it.

I am very sorry for the wait, it is just a combination of going all out while having overestimated my capacities. But, doing my best to make it worth the wait. It could’ve probably been its own competition, really.

[JohnWaldock]

take your time with it if needs be.

[4LGE]

Here’s the first third of story-driven reviews, to not leave you with nothing tonight

Note: I will be a bit elaborate on the car’s designs in order to write engaging technical conversations.

---

CSR 31: Transeuropean Express

Venue 1: London, part 1/3
Starring Jameson Clarke (C) and Jacques Avril (A), also various Helpers (H).

@Jameson Clarke

Cars are always good news. Even something bad like an automotive metal box that has been built in some place like… Romania, can be good news! Because that means that European industrialisation has also reached those remote corners! Though, I doubt we’ll see a Romanian-made car here.

Exhibit 1: Velkolepy “Krasny” (@Ornate)
C reads the description on the stand
C: “… or do we? To me, Velkolepy sure sounds like it could be something Romanian. And the car here, the Krasny, is advertised as a very efficient commute.”
A: “With a petite three cylinder engine! 427cc making 17.4 hp!”
C: “This may just be our luck! Kind sir over there! Do you speak English?”
H: “Ehh… speak little English.”
C: “When will the Krasny arrive here?”
H looked confused at first, but then pointed to a red coupé that is just beside them.

C: “Ahahahhaha! Good fella, I like your humour! Though, what car is this, then? I like it.”
H: “Krasny.”
C: “This is… Can you show me the engine, kind sir?”
H lifts the bonnet.
A: “That explains why there is no grille.”
C: “It’s tiny!”
H: “Yes, is of motorcycle.”
C: “Must be air cooled. Does it get its air from the… ohh, the chrome strips are perforated!”
A: “This is enough ventilation for it?”
C: “We’re talking about seventeen point four horses here, Jacques! That output is so minuscule that a horse had to be slaughtered for it! Of course it won’t stir up much heat. And it’s not like there isn’t any air below the car.”
A: “Ahh yes. And look inside. It looks very clean.”
C: “Very bland, you mean. Not even a full dash, but extensive use of rough cloth.”
A: “That must be very light!”
C: “Must be, else this is not capable of moving with that engine. But let’s move on, I see some more cars arrived.”

Exhibit 2: Sinistra “Nocturne” (@Madrias)
A: “This car has a dark aura.”
C: “And it’s glistening with chrome!”

A: “Sinistra Nocturne. We did not have enough dark ages?”
C: “Not every night is dark. This car is like a clear night with full moon!”
A: “Uh huh?”
C: “In such a night, you see shiny stars and moonlight looming over everything. This car got shiny chrome and massive headlights that are sure to light up the night!”
H turns on the headlights.
A and C both cover their eyes as they are engulfed in bright warm light.
C: “It’s like a warm night in summer, but much brighter!”
A: “You mean a day in spring… Please turn it off!”
H turns off the light: “I’m very sorry, gentlemen. I wasn’t aware you were right in front as I tested the function of the headlights.”
A: “Is good. I was more annoyed by nonsensic philosophy,”
C: “Hey! Philosophy builds rhetoric and understanding!”
A: “But bright warm summer night… ahh, we may see the interior?”
H: “Sure, have a seat.”
A: “Ahh, small, but good for five.”
C: “Monsieur Avril, would you kindly unlock the bonnet?”
A to H: “Can we?” H: “Sure!”
A unlocks the bonnet for C.
C: “The fun has been doubled! We got twice the cylinders here, Jacques!”
H: “The I6-PR-485-5000 inline 6 engine displayed in here has a bore of 68.7mm and a stroke of 62mm for a total displacement of 1379cc. The valves are situated overhead, and we have confirmed a stable output of 48.5hp at 4600 rounds per minute.”
C: “Ohh good job memorising that. I’m sure people here will be mesmerised hearing all the details. But I think you’ve missed the blinker fluid tank capacity.”
H: “Uhm, oh…”
C: “Hah! No, don’t worry. But here’s for an advise that you don’t have to describe every little detail. For many, knowing horsepower would already be enough. Not that it matters much as a number, anyway.”
A: “Jameson, the hall is filling. Let us take note of more cars?”

Exhibit 3: “Atlas” (@lordvader1)
A: “Like this one. How did we not see this one before?”
C: “Because we were drawn to the dark side, until we were blinded by the light.”

A: “Jameson… Focus. This here is the Atlas. A continental!”
C: “Great! What kind of engine you think this charming white coupé will have? Will we have a big six cylinder? Please be!”
A: “Non, a 2 litre 4 cylinder…”
C: “Ahh, disappointing.”
A: “… with twin cam.”
C: “Twin! Is it a V4 with single overhead cams, or a straight 4?”
A: “Straight 4, with 16 valves!”
C: “16 V… that is actually respectable. And… 102hp! Third car, and we’ve already seen the 100hp mark being broken!”
H: “Psst,… and that while it can run on regular leaded petrol… unlike some other continentals.”
A: “Ohh right, wouldn’t they be providing the aviation-grade high octane petrol for the continentals? That’s interesting that this one does not need it.”
C: “But it could’ve! Now who knows how much it would’ve made if you would’ve used that!”
H: “Ehh I think the engineers said something about failing connecting rods. Ohh, and it also uses a simple steel chassis and panels.”
A: “Of all the things that could fail in a multiple valve twin cam valve train, it would be the connecting rods?”
C: “Multi-valve engine heads have the potential to be very powerful. That’s why they’re used in aviation and racing. It’s only a question of time when this technology finds its way into more common cars. Also, good effort on keeping it feasible! I wouldn’t mind having this as a commute. Though, the rear end could… actually, it’s also nicely understated.”

Exhibit 4: “Banana” (@TheUltimateD00m)
A: “Look at this yellow car.”

C: “A YELLOW CAR! And what a delightful yellow! So, what’s this thing?”
A: “A commute called… Banana.”
C: “Banana?”
A: “It reads that you can order this car in any colour you want, as long as it is banana yellow.”
C: “Hah! And it also reads that it has a 1.6 litre overhead cam engine! Now it only needs to be well made, and I can already see many yellow bananas rolling down the streets! Let’s see, what have we… that is some nice craftsmanship. Really nice craftsmanship down there.”
A: “How does it look like?”
C: “Many struts and tubes, and no conventional axle on the rear. Where does this thing come from? And why do they name such an intriguing thing so bluntly after the paint?”
A: “Not known. Many struts and tubes, you say?”
A looks below the car himself.
C: “Hey fellow sir, how is this thing constructed?”
H: “Made of Steel, with a sophisticated chassis that we call reinforced spaced ladder frame. Or spaced frame.”
C: “Sounds ‘sophisticated’. Where and how many of these have been produced?”
H: “Well, we have only a small workshop. Of this model, we have produced so far only two.”
C: “And why do you call it banana?”
H: “It’s an exotic yellow car. A banana is an exotic yellow fruit. That is why we saw the name to be fitting.”
C: “Ohh, if you wanted to go the exotic route, why isn’t this classed as continental?”
H: “It was down to the limited selection of engines we had, so we didn’t try to achieve what was requested for that class. And we are confident that our spaced frame design could be mass produced.”
All the while, A has inspected more details of the car.
A: “The suspension is real, really intriguing on this…”

At this moment, they could feel the ground vibrating slightly, with a faint engine noise coming from just outside.
H: “What is happening?”
A: “Panzer?”
C: “Jacques, keep good note, if it is. If we were to catch the Germans making a bad joke by entering a panzer into this venue… that would be outrageous enough to make the title story! That’d be truely outrageous!”

Exhibit 5: Cresge “Alpha” (@BobLoblaw)

C: “What is this car? And why does it sound like a tractor?”
Just then, the car halts at the stand of Cresge Automotive. Just as its engine was shut down, the vibrations ceased.
A: “That was our ‘panzer’…”
C: “Disappointing! I would’ve loved writing about the ridiculousness of a German panzer at a London car show!”
A: “Monsieur, is this an car?”
H: “Nope, this is a tractor.” Winks
C: “Hah! Good Sir, I hope this vehicle doesn’t at least drive like a tractor!”
H: “Eyy’nope, drives like a car. You see, we’ve been building tractors since our humble beginnings in the 30’s. The Alpha is our first model made for the automotive market.”
A: “And why does it sound and… feel like a tractor?”
H: “Kept the engine, Mister. Simple, dependable, easy to get parts for, and powerful.”
C reads the stand
C: “60hp is alright power for a… two litre 3 cylinder? What an earth-shattering use of such engine, quite literally.”
H: “Well, it’s better than our straight two, which has more than 2.2 litres.”
A: “Mon Dieu!”
C: “Well, yes, this is a car that fits circumstances. Nothing wrong with putting a solid engine into a sturdily crafted sedan.”
A: “The colour and the chrome amount do make it look more royale than it is.”
C: “But at least it isn’t a grey panzer or a tractor! Fortunately, and unfortunately. Thank you for your time, sir. I do find these reverse doors charming, too!”

Exhibit 6: WMD “Xelum Classic” (@abg7)
C: “This is the stand for WMD, and they already have their exhibit standing ready, the Xelum Classic!”

A: “Classic? Does not look classic to me. But it is petite and… sympathique.”
C: “You say it, it looks gay! Just look at it laugh! This little car is so excited to be here!”
A: “Is it that? Or we have petite engine, too?”
C: “So convenient to have that information written on the panel. It’s two litres again, Jacques!”
A: “But with four cylinders, not three?”
C: “Proper overhead valve four cylinder, with apparently close to 70hp. Now that could be a quick little car!”
A: “And… it has belts to the seats? Looks well padded, too.”
C walks over to A, also having a look at the interior.
C: “Seat belts! Good to keep you in place, good to keep you safe! And it has that for five! Now that’s good news for families! And you know what? We’ll just move on with that. I don’t want to spoil my good first impression of this car, not even going around to look at the rear end.”
A: “But you should!” as A walks around to have a look at the tail.
A: “Ehh, you are right. The tail is not so happy. But nice shaped car!”
C: “Now, let’s head on over to that green one.”

Exhibit 7: “C21” (@conan)
C: “Now that must be British! The lovely colour, the understated but useful design, the straight 6…”

A: “Straight 6?”
C: “With 1.8 litres of displacement. Good going for a commute.”
A: “Specially with this light interior. And has five places with seat belts.”
C: “Sir, please, might we enter?”
H: “If you please.” unlocks the door mechanism
C: “Ahh, not quite like a cabinet. Still has a B-Pillar. Still, reverse doors just got something to me. We may take a seat?”
H: “Nothing in the way of that.”
A and C both enter the car

A: “Now, what do you think so far? Did the Xelum take the colour from the Tractor, or other way?"
C: “Doesn’t matter. There are only that many options for naval blue paint.”
A: “Oh, and you noticed the Banana had no handles on the doors?”
C: “Pretty sure you couldn’t see them, as they were bananas of the same colour as the paint.”
A: “Ehh…”
C: “Or you have to bring a banana in order to open it! Ahahaha!”
A: “Jameson…”
C: “Ahh come on, you could enjoy a good laugh more often, Jacques! Shall we take a break?”
A: “Yes, had nothing to eat yet! But, let’s finish looking at this car first.”
C: “Good.”
A and C leave the car
C: “Well, the seats were present. Just like the seatbelts are, but who needs those except for motor sports?”
C and A move to look at the rear of the car
A: “Petite rear signal lights!”
C: “Ehh, agreed. Now let’s get a ‘petite’ lunch provision now.”

[Madrias]

Given what little lore I have written on my desktop for Sinistra Motors, I can almost guarantee you wrote it perfectly for the helper to be the owner of the company. Can’t really say much more than that, would spoil the fun if I did. Just that he’s gone through a name change, a time machine, and quite a lot of, well, if I say anymore, I’d spoil all of it, so no, I’m stopping now.

Very fun to read the first reviews, though.

[JohnWaldock]

it’ll be good to see who gets the Wooden Spoon award, but i feel @Ornate may have clinched it already with that engine

[Ornate]

Slow and steady wins the race, friend.

[4LGE]

This really embarrasses me, but I might occupy this entire week if I don’t want to end up with sleep deprivation while writing all the reviews in the style I wanted to go for. Turns out that I try to make every review to be even more elaborate than brief. Heck, just to give you an example, the story on @TR8R’s SiTh City has become a page long!

And as I’m afraid that slow and steady might not be appreciated for the host of a weekly CSR, I’ve got a possible solution:

• I move this challenge into another thread, and continue this there with great elaboration. Meanwhile for the CSR itself, I nominate the cars that are the best in each of the requested criteria, then let RNG decide.

That is if the passing of the host is urged.

[strop]

I’ll let others decide, this is a very democratic thread lol. I’m personally in no hurry but know well the pain of trying to speed up only to get mired even further in story (see last round I hosted).

I would say as long as you make it on time for this thread’s first birthday… Hang on a minute…that was the 15th…

#HAPPY BIRTHDAY CSR

[Leonardo9613]

I don’t think RNG is the solution. It never is.

I guess, if the people ask for the results, you should get proper, final results and then post them here, so the winner can move it along while you finish writing.

Now, whether that should be done or we should wait for the reviews and results to come together, I don’t know.

[Madrias]

I’m willing to wait for good reviews and story. You’ve asked us, the community, for more time, and my vote is to give you more time.

From what I remember, we put the time limit in place because almost every single CSR round was taking two or three weeks to complete, and in the meantime, no one was taking their CSR ideas into the wild and running new challenges. So it meant we were all waiting here for the guy to hurry up and post the results so we could go onto the next round.

However, we’ve had plenty of rapid fire rounds, and as much as I like the brisk pace of CSR, I don’t mind waiting for good reviews. One CSR round being a little slower isn’t a big problem at this time because there are a good number of challenges either in the works or active.

So my vote would be that we wait here for the results, even if it takes the whole week. I know it slows down the overall pace, but you’ve basically asked for a time extension, and personally, I’d be willing to give it to you.

[strop]

Agree, I missed that bit about the RNG. For this thread, RNG should never play a role in deciding the results as that would be Anathema to the thread’s premise. In the past people who suffered terminal delays announced the top three of their choosing and posted the rest elsewhere when they could.

[abg7]

Happy first anniversary to CSR! This recurring challenge has been a real roller-coaster for me to follow even before I started entering it. And I can wait for more reviews - the quality of the write-ups is outstanding.

[Ornate]

I’ve also vote for more time, this stuff is just insanely high quality and it deserves time.