The Car Shopping Round (Round 64): Tears in Heaven

Current Round master: conan

Current Round Rules: The Car Shopping Round (Round 64): Tears in Heaven - #9915 by conan

This will hopefully be a little ongoing entertainment in which different people can take the reins of the thread, a la ‘Guess That Car’, or VicVictory’s ‘Pay It Forward’, except with a difference. Think of it as similar to pyrlix’s ‘Car Theme Challenge’ except the premise is, um, ‘individualised’.

One day, for whatever reason, you find yourself in need of a vehicle. You know a certain degree about what it is you would like in a car, but you’re not entirely sure what your options are, or which one you’re going to buy.

It’s time to go shopping!

(come to think of it I could do with a bit of a Roald Dahl binge right about now…)

How It Works:

  • Each round is controlled by a Round Master. They’re the one who sets the challenge. It’s like being the Card Czar of Cards Against Humanity
  • Everybody else enters a car and posts the relevant pictures and stats on this thread
  • The roundmaster can specify the duration of the round, up to seven days (and no longer unless they have special permission)
  • At the end of the deadline, the Round Master has strictly up to 72 hours in which to post their writeup along with a list of the top three cars, with the exception of a publicly posted request for extension and the overwhelming majority like 80%) being in favour of it, pending further requests for extension.

It’s as simple as that!

The Round Master’s role:

  • (Optional) Describe who you are and why you need a car. It can be as true to life or as fictional as you want it to be. Or you can skip this step entirely
  • Specify a sale year. You do not have to specify a model or trim year, only the sale year. This applies especially if you’re, say, buying second hand, or you’re willing to look at slightly older models.
  • Describe the kind of car you want, or the function it has to perform. You can be as vague or as specific as you like about the conditions, but try to be reasonable
  • Also give a list of the aspects you consider important in the car, be it price, reliability, looks, etc. Since you’re shopping, it’s your choice, and it’s inherently subjective
  • Specify a budget. And by budget, we mean here the car’s sale price
  • May not change the conditions of the round once the first car has been posted
  • Once the deadline has passed, declare the winner, and pass the crown of Round Master onto the next user


  • Must indicate whether or not they would be able to host the next round when submitting a car. This is an opt-out thing: if you say no it won’t preclude you from winning, but it will preclude you from hosting the next week, which is useful for us to know when, say, you’re in a busy period of your life.
  • May ask questions of the Round Master to their satisfaction. In fact they may find it pertinent to clarify everything before making their car
  • Should make one post to present their car on the thread
  • May talk up their car if they so wish, or explain how it fits in with their company’s brand etc. etc. (optional)
  • Must post a screenshot of their car’s appearance
  • Must post a screenshot of the Market tab clearly displaying the car’s sale price and appropriate sale year (and trim year if specified)
  • Must post a screenshot with any of the relevant criteria as specified by the Round Master
  • May submit ONE car only. Once you have submitted your screenshots, you may not change your car
  • Unless otherwise stated, no Barth bodies. They’re specifically designed for ridiculous morphs and chesty engine bay sizes and don’t constitute feasible, realistic bodies for real cars.


  • Obviously don’t cheat. If anybody calls you out for stats that don’t make sense, you must either amend the figures, attach your car to the thread, or send your car to the Round Master for perusal. If this does not resolve the conflict before the deadline, I will ask you to PM the car to me directly. If the conflict is still not resolved by that point, or I rule unfavourably, you will be disqualified from that round and the subsequent round
  • If the Round Master does not declare a winner within 72 hours of the deadline, no extension has been granted and/or the Round Master has been silent for over 48 hours, they will be assumed absent, and the job of hosting the next round will be passed onto the next available runner-up of the previous round
  • The requirement to indicate whether you are able to host is so the Round Master can compile a list of not only the people whose cars the host likes, but also a list of people who can be quickly called upon to host.
  • Therefore, while the ability to host the next round should not be prejudicial for whether the host likes the car or not, it is at the host’s discretion. Ideally, the host should compile a list that includes the winner and/or at least 3 eligible hosts. The list may be longer if the host wishes and include other non-eligible entries.
  • Finally, it is at the host’s discretion to limit the number of reviews they write per round. This will not be a very popular action, but it’s really hard to write meaningfully for 40 cars as is now happening. For this to be fair, the host should specify how many reviews they’re going to write, or in what format, before the start of each round. It doesn’t have to be a number, it can be “top half” or “up to 20”. For example, you could say: “I’ll cut the cars I dislike with one sentence, write short blurbs for the top half, and full reviews for a short list of maybe half a dozen”. Or you could say “I’ll write the lot in detailed story form” (but don’t run late!) Be sensible and know your limits.
  • Note that stating you can host is a commitment of sorts. If you state you can host and then you renege, you will be barred from participating in that round. I assume the extenuating circumstances that cause you to be unable to host would be enough that you would not be able to anyway, so this should not be an unreasonable penalty.
  • Please do not tag anybody in posts about results of a round as it constitutes a spoiler . We thought that muting notifications would be enough to work around it but that turns out to be too clunky for too many people, so this is simpler.

To Summarise the Rules

  • Round Master specifies what they’re shopping for and picks duration of round (up to 7 days), and, if they intend to limit the number, how many reviews they will write and how
  • Users submit one car with screenshots to the thread and PM to Round Master, specifying if they are available to host the next round or not. This shouldn’t affect how the Round Master judges the car but there’s no rule against this happening, however if this will happen then Round Master should declare so from the outset or there will be complaints, it’s common sense!
  • Round Master must at least pick the winner and/or an ordered list of at least 3 users who are available to host. The list can be bigger, but not smaller
  • The top eligible host must then host or be barred from participating in the next round, this applies to all eligible hosts if the user above them bails
  • If no judgement is reached with the following conditions: 72 hours post deadline and 48 hours silence from host or no extension granted, then we go straight to user poll only with cars fully displayed on the thread before deadline. If we are halfway through reviews and there are meaningful results (i.e. cars have been cut) then we may proceed from where the host left off.

Previous Winners:

  1. nialloftara
  2. 8bs
  3. Dragawn
  4. Leonardo9613
  5. titleguy1
  6. asdren
  7. Sebesseg
  8. koolkei
  9. AirJordan
  10. DeusExMackia
  11. oppositelock
  12. phale
  13. HowlerAutomotive
  14. KLinardo
  15. thecarlover
  16. Dragawn → strop
  17. Der_Bayer_von_Awesome
  18. Rk38 & koolkei
  19. phale ->Kubboz
  20. phale
  21. Madrias
  22. HighOctaneLove
  23. EnryGT5
  24. Leonardo9613 → rcracer11m
  25. phale → abg7
  26. BobLoblaw
  27. Denta
  28. HighOctaneLove
  29. NormanVauxhall
  30. 4LGE
  31. Ornate
  32. Leonardo9613
  33. EnryGT5
  34. thecarcrossoverlover
  35. marcoalla
  36. Rk38
  37. strop holy fucking shit finally
  38. Leedar → HighOctaneLove → Dragawn
  39. AirJordan → gridghost
  40. AirJordan
  41. Dragawn
  42. doctor_narfy
  43. Rk38
  44. titleguy1
  45. thecarobnoxiousluxobargeSUVlover
  46. EnryGT5
  47. Rk38
  48. NormanVauxhall → Leonardo9613
  49. enryGT5 → phale
  50. thecarlovermclovinvanlover
  51. KA24DE
  52. TR8R
  53. TheElt → conan
  54. NormanVauxhall → accent
  55. JohnWaldock
  56. gridghost
  57. NormanVauxhall
  58. bastormonger
  59. conan
  60. kubboz → Der Bayer → asdren → titleguy1 → goblin95 → Mr.Computer → abg7
  61. nialloftara → dragawn
  62. strop → theElt
  63. NormanVauxhall → Leonardo9613 → koolkei → conan

This is different! I like this :smiley: But I am NOT going to wear that tweed jacket and hat to sell my car :stuck_out_tongue:

1 Like

Nice! :smiley:

Can the round master be sent the cars Via PM to look at them more carefully? Or does he have to make his desicion based solely on pictures and facts?

I like the picture and facts bit first because it makes YOU try to sell the car, maybe you want to ignore the 2.7 comfort but go on and on about its 89.3 in Sportiness :smiley:

@DoctorNarfy: The round master really should be able to tell everything they specified by the pictures and facts. But if they were being really unreasonable about their restrictions (like you can only use suspension dampers softer than _____) or something… then that may necessitate sending the cars via pm. Actually the criteria I was thinking about specifying might require that >_> We’ll see how it goes.

I could be up for a spot or two of this.

I love this idea and I have a really good challenge already, PLEASE let me be the first Round master.

p.s I already know that it is very unlikely to be me but I really do have a very good challenge that will test everyone’s skill’s at building a very well balanced car.

p.s.#2 the hardcore tunners will do well at my challenge.

I am ready :smiley:

1 Like

Looks like fun, although I think there should be a change in how the cars are submitted. Generally in a game like this the submitees are anonymous, making for an unbiased victor. However, being as this is a forum and we can’t ignore our names, perhaps we need to account for that. My suggestion is have somebody volunteer each round who is willing to not enter for that week that everyone can send there pictures and messages to, and that person will then post for them, without including their name. The Round Master can then pick from that list without any bias towards who will when, and the volunteer assistant will then reveal the winning user, with photographic evidence of the private message that included the car and the time stamp as proof that the winning user is authentic, with verification from the winning user.

Cheers - Racer13

But you don’t think manufacturer bias is a huge part of the purchasing process? For enthusiasts and regular buyers alike, It’s a legitamite thing to deal with. You’re just really going to need to wow your buyers if you want to beat out the more famous companies…[size=50]I’m Looking at you Norman…[/size]

@UMGaming: hm. The reason I wanted to be first Round Master was to demonstrate the template for challenge setting. But PM me your idea within the next six hours and I might be able to format that instead.

@Racer13: that is a very thorough suggestion to circumvent the inherent bias and therefore unfairness in this contest. There’s a few pros and cons about it:


… uhm. That’s the only one I can think of right now. I mean, it’s a very important one. The cons however:
[ul]]A lot more work for an extra person who has to first volunteer, then compile all the cars and then potentially rename them before bundling them off to the Round Master/:m]
]And therefore much more room for error due to decreased transparency of the process itself/:m]
]The point of this is defeated by anybody who does post their car on the thread, which means the whole thing operates in secrecy for the entirety of the round, which might be a bit boring thread-wise/:m]
]This also means that the only fair way for the Round Master’s assistant to announce the results of the round is to publish all the cars otherwise you could send in a car and not even have it mentioned at all, unless you decided to reveal your car after the results, which would clutter up the thread post the start of the next round etc. I just think it will get messy/:m]
]As DoctorNarfy said, it also defeats the purpose of drawing parallels to real life: we go shopping for a car with our biases, with our inherent preferences, our prejudices. In this world, as the customer, it’s our decision and ours alone as to what we buy and who we buy from. Were we to do this secret ballot style, it wouldn’t at all reflect the conditions of walking around the car lot./:m][/ul]
All in all, for those reasons, I’ve decided to try this out with the philosophy that we ought to accept life is unfair. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to grouse at the Round Master if you felt their decision was unfair and I’m happy to tolerate a little bit of drama :stuck_out_tongue: This forum actually has quite reasonable users for the very most part, so I’m not too concerned about this.

well then. i accept what you just said. so when will we be starting this?

derp sorry, missed that. tonight then.

i wonder what the gryphon gear guys wants… i wonder??? :smiley:

In six hours, minus five minutes as stated in the OP.

Okay guys, here’s the first challenge. Note that the Gryphon Gear crew generally drive far different cars to what they sell (even Kai, who has a Mephisto which he likes to let out of the cage and stretch its legs on occasion, but for the most part drives a third-hand Toyota Corolla because unlike a Mephisto, you can actually reverse park it and you don’t have to pay 20 bucks in petrol just to go grocery shopping).

Also remember the option to present your own story, or completely make something up from a different era is entirely up to the Round Master. For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to go with my (fictionally adapted) self, and the present. The challenge will also be relatively high detail because I want people to have a good idea of what I’m after. Please note that many of my criteria may conflict with each other. This is quite normal for a customer, and the whole point is that it’s up to you as to how you want to package and sell the car to me.

[size=200]Round One[/size]

The year is: 2016

Who am I: Stroppy McHorseguy, slightly underpaid and moderately overworked professional doodler at upstart racing and hypercar outfit Gryphon Gear. Has very fussy tastes.

What’s the story: I used to drive a Honda Civic Hatch VTi-S MY13, the space-aged ones made in the UK. It was hardly a road rocket, in fact it was damn near impossible to drive in anger. But it was extremely practical, very comfortable, and it looked distinctive but not ‘douchey’. It does the work commute, the long road trip, the mountain pass and even a bit of off-road camping adventure and ski trips no problem. And it came in this colour:

While dynamically very competent, the car was definitely built to budget specs, with macpherson fronts and torsion beam rears. And the engine and transmission was so lazy! I copped a lot of shit from my friends about being better off driving a shopping cart while they whizzed around in (and crashed, no joke) their Megane RS GranSport etc. etc. I will admit to later eyeing off various alternatives, like the Kia ProCeed GT, or the Renault Clio RS, and the like. But I had no actual motivation to change from my current car, affectionately christened “Peapod” between my girlfriend (of 3 years), whom we refer to as E, and I.

So what happened to the car? Well, sometime near the end of 2014, my colleagues apparently had enough of my car’s lack of horsepower. So they borrowed it. Two weeks after I reported it stolen, it ‘turned up’. With a repurposed reforged ex-F1 V8 Cosworth block. With two giant turbos on it. It also had been completely gutted and stripped and the steel panels replaced with CF and a whacking huge widebody kit. Basically they completely ruined Peapod, and turned it into a 900hp, 700kg road missile. Which I then decided, what the hell, and took it for a ‘little jaunt’ around the world. Some of you may remember how that turned out: with the car in probably a million pieces somewhere along Dottinger Höhe.

Since then, I’ve been using a loaner car. More recently, it was the 1992 Mazda MX5 NA which E is minding. Nicknamed “PuttPutt”.

Long story short, a squeaky rattly 24 year old budget roadster (with speaker wiring that always comes loose) is not exactly the kind of car I can drive on a daily basis and remain sane. As part of the belated compensation for stealing my car, as well as a bit of an end of 2015 bonus because 2015 was tantamount to staff abuse for GG, I’ve been given a bit of extra cash to go and buy a new car, which is great, because I don’t have a lot to spare because I’m still paying off a mortgage.

[size=200]Strop goes car shopping…[/size]

What am I looking for: I’m looking for a car that can do everything that I require of it, including commuting, chauffering up to 3 friends/family at a time, has a decent storage space I can put a bike/luggage bags/camping gear in/on as described above. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be kid-friendly, I’m not a fan of upsizing for the hell of it, and I don’t get the point of crossovers/SUVs. It’s not like the car actually has to be able to go off the beaten path too much, but if I can drive it on an unsealed surface without dying, that’ll be a plus. But I’d like it to have as much go in it as possible without drawing too much attention to the fact, because too much douche factor and E will give me that judging look forever, not to mention my mother, whom I occasionally also drive around. As a side note, my girlfriend approves of the NA because it’s cute. My mother would be horrified if she knew it was mine, but well, I’m a grown man and she doesn’t have to know so don’t worry so much about that :wink:

Basically, I want a modern sleeper car… but I might be swayed by a really sexy roadster or mild sports car that didn’t scream “I’m an arsehole” or “I’m having a midlife crisis”.

Specific criteria:
[ul]]Model year can be whatever, just be sensible/:m]
]I’ll accept trim years 2014-2016/:m]
]Limited production and no-mass production parts are allowed/:m]
]Four/five door is preferred but two/three door is acceptable/:m]
]Wheel-base strictly under 3m. I’m not fussed about body type but will lean away from utes and soft-tops unless they offer significant other advantages/:m]
]I’m a little tired of Macpherson and Torsion beam setups, but if you can build something that literally outperforms superior setups (e.g. like what Honda did to the Civic Type R), you might yet be able to convince me otherwise/:m]
]Strictly no fiber-glass please, some of our roads have so many stones on them, the bodywork will be ruined within days/:m]
]Looks matter a lot. As I said, design should be edgy/distinctive but not outright douchey. I’ll ignore colour for the time being as I will assume that the car will come in a range of colours, unless you specify otherwise./:m]
]You may use lips freely. You may use up to ONE wing. For road-legal reasons, the wing must be placed on the rear half of the car, or behind the C pillar if the car has one./:m]
]Any of FWD, AWD, RWD is fine. I’m not looking for a 4x4.
]The engine should have a reliability of at least 70.0/:m]
]Unleaded only. The maximum RON should be 95. I may accept 98 but this will make it much harder to ‘go bush’ and do long road trips/:m]
]Engine noise should be under 45
]I am happy to drive auto, stick, or flappy paddles. They all have their pros and cons, so still choose carefully/:m]
*]Because of availability at most tyre retailers, plus road noise, plus simply not looking like the car’s built specifically to beat the clock, the wheels must be not too wide, and have a profile of at least 50. By “not too wide”, I mean the maximum width of the tyre can be determined by the following formula:

maximum tyre width = (car mass in kg + 1150)/10

Bonus points if they’re the same size front and rear, so I can rotate them more readily. Semi-slicks are disallowed, because I need to drive this thing rain or shine far more than I do TRACK DAY BRO. Also, I’d really prefer not to have to fork out 3000+ bucks for a set (like I would if you used Trofeo Rs or something), so, like, see if you can keep the material costs of the tyres and wheels total below 1000./*:m]
]How you set the aero is up to you, since I can always be cheeky and get my car serviced at my company HQ once the warranty expires. But the engine cooling must meet the minimum required/:m]
]The car should preferably seat 4 or 5. It certainly does not need to seat any more than that. You may get away with 2 or 3 if you can convince me of the benefits, but this will be difficult/:m]
]I do need at least a rudimentary radio, and will have a problem if I don’t have Bluetooth to pair my phone and use handsfree. At least Standard Infortainment recommended, but Basic may be acceptable./:m]
]Minimum safety of 40, so it’s road legal everywhere. More is good, too./:m]
]You can do what you like with the suspension, just make sure the car doesn’t bottom out too much because one of the things that annoyed me about my Civic was that the front bumper and mudguard were forever scraping against things.
]Stats wise, I recommend comfort at least 25. I don’t care about prestige. Drivability and sportiness matter but not in any specific way./:m]
]Preferred fuel economy is better than 11L/100km (10km per L), but hey, if the car’s really fast, I might not mind going a bit over./:m]
]I’d also prefer it if the total emissions rating was <300./:m]
]Track times do matter, getting this thing around Green Hell in under 8:30 would be nice. Faster is even nicer./:m]
]Environmental resistance should be preferably over 80. I’m not a fan of rust./:m]
]It needs SOME storage room. The way this is currently calculated is a bit wonky, so I’m not going to grouse over the actual number, I just need to visually confirm there’s room for a trunk. But I’m not going to ban you from trying to sell me a 2 seater MR coupe with just enough room for a small luggage bag up front. Just saying :wink:/:m][/ul]
Okay, that’s actually a very long list. Hopefully I haven’t missed anything.

Mods: Any Steam workshop mod

Screenshots: just the stats and market tab are mandatory. Everything else is optional.

Budget: Market cost ~30000 Automation Money Units (I can go a little over if it’s worth it). I’d also like to know that your company isn’t going to go broke selling these things before my warranty expires, so build in a reasonable profit margin on your cars if that’s relevant, hey?

Deadline: For this round, as well as posting to the thread, all entries need to be in my PM inbox by 23:59:59.99, Automation time, 22nd January 2016. Your first PM counts, no revisions unless the file simply doesn’t load.

Okay then, have at it!


Entries for this round are now shut. Expect the results to be out around noon, GMT, 23rd Jan

Just to clarify, $30k “Total Cost” or “Market Cost”?

Market cost, as in the figure in the top bars on the Market tab. I’ll amend the post.

I’ve already made my car :smiling_imp:

you just asked for a wagon subaru…

or maybe. the nissan stagea.
yeah nissan stagea… time to put the spit 'n shine on that stagea, and do some resto mod on 'em

Well, there’s no denying an Outback or a Stagea would suit my needs nicely. But will it suit my desires? Shopping isn’t always straightforward!