Going for the triple post hereā¦
#CSR35 Reviews
######(Once again stepping into character. I apologise for any thoughts of repeatedly stabbing yourself in the head with a fork.)
Hi! Oh my god, I turn 18 in three days! Iām almost an adult! I canāt wait to get an adult car. So like, Iām going to go to all the dealerships with daddy today and tomorrow to have my car ready for my birthday party! Iām so excited! Daddy says he doesnāt want anyone to sell me a lemon, but why would I even buy a lemon? Anyways, he, like, says he wonāt buy anything he thinks is bad. I guess thatās fair? I just want something hot to cruise around with my friends.
###Conan - Bavaria 480E UWOT64
The first place weāre going is Bavaria for theā¦ letters and numbers thing. I think theyāre like BMW? Thatās cool. Itās $49,950 andā¦ ooo, itās a hardtop convertible! Thatās hot. It also looks angryā¦ maybe I could scare the slow drivers so they, like, go faster. I think {insert celebrity here} has one!
Itās got a fancy leather interior, I love it! Everything is nice in here, sooo much better than the Mini. The stereo sounds awesome! I sooo want to drive this!
Daddy is looking at it, says it has a 4.8L V8 andā¦ he says it has weird brakes, like, from a race car? Whatever, I donāt care how expensive they are to fix. This is not fair! If I canāt find anything else I like I want this one!
###F17Francesco - Freccia SpaceXXL
Next place is Freccia for the SpaceXXL? That sounds big. Itās $49,350. And itās a big pink truck! Thatās, like, so hot. I can feel like Barbie with this thing. Oh, the front is too black. Why is there no chrome or something here? Itās half flashy?
Aw, it doesnāt have a glass roof. But thereās 7 seats for all my friends! We could totally party in here! Letās crank it up! ā¦ I hate this stereo. Itās like my Mini. No, I hate it.
Daddy doesnāt want me to get it either. He says the engine is a huge 7.0L V8 but itās, like, bad, and the brakes are also race brakes. And it uses too much gas. I want to get out of here.
###Madrias - Dynamite K8
Dynamite K8? Fancy. A big purple car for $48,900. Itās, like, not super flashy, you know? I guess I can still try it. Another angry car to scare slow people! And this one has a glass roof. I, like, donāt know if this is flashy or not.
Inside is, like, a normal car. Like daddyās Mercedes! Itās comfortable and fancy and sounds good. I, like, like the stereo. Itās not super hot, but still hot.
Daddy is looking under this one too. Says itās a 4.75L V8 and that, like, everything is good. I can drive it! Eeee, finally a test drive!
So, like, itās super easy to drive. Feels good when turning, I wonāt spill my Starbucks! Itās super quiet, like the ad says! And itās, like, faster than my Mini getting on the freeway and even faster after. Daddy says it gets 25 MPG, so he likes it. I donāt think itās hot. Itās not really flashy and not super comfy.
###TR8R - Loreal Candy
I, like, wish that FOA can make a better car. The Loreal Candy is $49,800. Itās a bubblegum convertible! It looks angry and weird! That face is sooo ugly and the back looks like an alien. Gross. And where are the logos? I canāt, like, show off if nobody knows what it is.
I guess I should look inside. The back seat is so dark with the roof up! Everything is fancy but itās, like, kinda small. And, like, why is this shifter so weird? Iām so confused. I, like, donāt know how to, like, drive this.
Daddy says this car has a 5.0L V8 and that the shifter is a sequential, like in race cars. Iām so not buying this, like, ever! I totally canāt even drive it!
###Vri404 - Nordstern Jager KRV
I totally canāt even say the name of the next car. Northstern? Noordstern? Whatever. The Jager KRV, itās a $49,800 convertibleā¦ thing? It has a convertible roof and glass roof? Thatās hot. I love the blue, and it looks so cute! Like my Mini, but better! But whatās an Austrian?
Inside is totally nice. I love the glass and convertible thing! Nice leather seats, nice fancy stereo. Not the best, but like, not bad.
5.7L turbo V8 is what daddy says it has. Whatās a turbo? Whatā¦ daddy says this one has race brakes too? And race engine parts? Why does this keep happening? I just, like, want a car to cruise, not, like, race. This one is sooo cute! This isnāt fair!
###Rk38 - Maesima MQX-5 GX-Z AWD
Itās so not fair all the cars daddy says I canāt get because of brakes and engines. Like, I donāt even care about that crap. I, like, want Massima (authorās note: intentional mis-pronunciation) to have something good. They sent me a letter after daddy called them! Itās MQX-5 and other letters. Ooo, itās a big red truck! But itās, like, kinda dark red. Itās also $49,800. But itās normal, you know? My totally poor uncle has oneā¦ like that over there! The $23,270 one. I guess I can still try itā¦
Comfy interior again, with a kickass stereo! But itās just a sunroof. My Mini has more glass than that. I could, like, party in here with all the room!
Daddy is looking at, like, the engine and stuff again. 3.0L V6ā¦ and it has race parts again. And he says this has race brakes too. I, like, didnāt want this one anyways. Itās not flashy.
###Mikonp7 - EcaMobile Santa Monica
Please be better, EcaMobile. Santa Monica is a hot name. I love Santa Monica! $49,800 for a pearl white coupe with so much glass! The front and back, like, donāt match. So weird. But itās funky and flashy. Oh. My. God. Free Starbucks with a test drive!
The inside is, like, not luxury. The stereo is totally hot but the seats are so not. Iām going to drive this just, like, for the Starbucks.
Daddy says this engine is a small 2.0L turbo V6 but that itās like, fancy? If itās fancy why is it so small? He says thereās a lot of weird stuff about it, but it might be okayā¦ So test drive time!
Ooo, I donāt feel any bumps! But itās sooo slow. Everyone is passing me, Iām so embarassed! Daddy says it gets 22.5 MPG. Why is the needle going close to H? Ohā¦ daddy says itās overheating and we have to go back. Well this totally sucks. At least I get a Starbucks, right?
###Cheeseman - Evgenis Phoenix CC 5.0 V12
Evgenis Phoenix, cute yellow $48,600 convertible. It says V12 in the name! I totally know what that means and that is, like, so hot. I love how it looks! I would so look like a celebrity driving this!
Inside isā¦ not hot. Nice stereo but the seats are, like, not hot. Theyāre not really comfy. Iām still going to totally rock out to A Thousand Miles in here!
Daddy is looking at it tooā¦ 5.0L V12. Well duh, the name says it. He says thereās, like, performance parts but that itās good. Iām going for a drive!
Wooo! This this is sooo fast! Itās so awesome! And everyone is looking at me, I love it. Itās, like, not super comfortable but itās super easy to drive and go fast. Daddy told me to slow down a few times. Heās such a party pooper. He says it gets 24 MPG, more than the car with the tiny engine. This is, like, totally in my list.
###Bobloblaw - Kessler Series 45
Kessler Series 45, another convertible for $49,050. Itās pinkā¦ andā¦ sad? It looks like cars from, like, when I was a kid. Ugh.
I think this is, like, totally the biggest convertible interior. Itās better than the outside, and sooo much better than other cars.
Oh, another tiny engine? Daddy says itās a 2.4L V6. But that thereās performance parts in the car. Heās laughing and saying I should drive it. I, like, donāt even want this car.
Oh. My God. This thing is sooo slow! I donāt want anyone looking at me in it! Itās not flashy! Itās not hard to drive the gas feels jerky, you know? Daddy says it gets 24.2 MPG, so he likes it. I donāt. I want to go try something else. This is so not hot.
###nialloftara - Centauri Esperia Cabrio
Now weāre going to, like, a spanish place? Centauri Especial Cabrio. What does that even mean? Ooo, a bright red convertible! Itās $49,950 and looks totally happy! Oh, the back, like, doesnāt. But it looks flashy.
Inside is, like, really dark with the top up. Thereās no windows in the back. Iām not sitting back there, so I, like, donāt really care. Itās small but I like it in here! I could totally drive this!
Ohā¦ daddy says this has race brakes again? This is so not fair! I donāt care about the 6.2L V8! Iām not even allowed to get this. So not fair. This is, like, the worst day ever.
###accent - TMT Friendship
TMT dealership next. They have the Friendshipā¦ for $38,850. What? Do they, like, not know Iām not poor? And itās a small red car. Sooo small. The colour is hot, but the car is not. Oh my god, the back is ugly and retro! Retro is, like, sooo 2003. Daddy still wants me to try itā¦ fine.
Inside isā¦ like my Mini but, you know, sorta better? But totally not what I want. Itās not flashy at all, even with a good stereo. The glass roof is like the Mini too.
Daddy is looking under and saying this has a 3.4L V6 and race brakes too. Great. I didnāt want it anyways, so like, what-ever.
###abg7 - Kramer K5 Spider 5.0
Kramer has another red convertible! K5 Spider 5.0 for $42,600. Why donāt they, like, have one thatās $50,000? It kinda looks pouty. And really, like, new. I could totally drive this.
Inside isā¦ totally not flashy. Whereās the fancy stuff? And, like, why is there no P or D on the shifter? The foot rest is a pedal? Iām so confused. Iām never ever driving this.
Daddy says itās a 5.0L V8 but has race brakes anyways. What-ever, I just want something I can drive.
###partario - Gardner Vallejo Sport
I hope Gardner has something better. The Vallejo Sport is $41,250ā¦ thatās a little cheap. Ooo, big red car with a glass roof! So hot. Itās, like, totally classy.
Seats and stereo are all fancy! Not the best, but still hot. And the shifter is, like, normal. Thereās sooo much room for a car! And two fancy back seats!
I donāt know why daddy wants to, like, look inside and under all the cars. I could have totally driven sooo many more cars. He says this one has a 3.6L V6. That sounds small, but I can, like, drive this one!
Itās, like, super easy to drive. But itās also kinda slow to get on the highway. Dad says the 21.8 MPG is okay. I donāt even care. This is classy flashy, and thatās hot. Even with it, like, kinda slow I could, like, totally drive this every day.
###Leo9613 - Bush Nicolae V12
Next place is Bushā¦ with, like, something about animals? Nicolae V12. Ooo, another V12! Itās a pink $49,050 convertible! I like how big it isā¦ and so many lights! That is so totally flashy.
Ooo, it also has fancy seats and a stereo! And theyāre big seats in the back! So hot. So comfy, too!
Daddy says itās a 5.3L V12 and that everything seems fine. Yay! I get to drive it! Best. Day. Ever!
So its, like, totally fast and flashy. This is awesome! And itās super easy to drive. I, like, donāt even have to think about it. Daddy is, like, telling me to slow down again and he says it only gets 18.2 MPG. Like, what-ever, I like it so I donāt care. I am so adding this to the list.
###Microwave - Valiant 12 Coupe
Valiant 12 Coupe. I, like, hope this is another V12! I love those! Itās a $49,800 coupe with a class roof, and that yellow is so hot. Now this is totally flashy. Except the back is, like, kinda boring, you know?
The inside is, like, not so hot. Stereo is nice but the seats are so not. This is totally not special.
Daddy is, like, looking again. He says itās a 4.2L V12 and that itās good to go. I donāt really like the inside but I can still, like, try it.
Another car where I donāt feel any bumps! And I sooo love all the looks Iām getting! Itās fast and sooo easy to drive. I think itās, like, the easiest today? Daddy says heās happy it gets 26 MPG. The inside is, like, not so hot but maybe this could be my next car, you know?
###Nomade0013 - Zeal Nix
Next place is Zeal. They have a $49,950 Nix. Thatās, like, a weird name. Ooo, a big purple convertible! It looks angry too and itās sorta flashy. It looks totally fast!
Inside is, like, normal for today? But itās small and, like, totally fancy too. I donāt think itās super comfy.
Daddy says this has performance parts too but is, like, still okay. It has a 5.0L V8 for it. Itās, like, not fancy like a V12 but itās not like anyone is going to see it. I get to drive it!
Itās sooo fast! I can, like, totally go faster than anyone and itās easy! Daddy says it gets 19.2 MPG, and thatās not that good, but I, like, donāt care. Wooo! Oh, is that the cops? ā¦So, like, daddy says I have to pay the speeding ticket. Thatās so not fair! He didnāt let me cry! Not my fault this car is so fast. I, like, think itās hot. I guess if I get another ticket I can, like, cry to not get it.
###phale - Pearlite Voyant
Pearlite, I know that name. They make, like, fancy cars. The Voyant is $45,150 and itās a big truck! And itās, like, blue purple. Itās, like, super shiny and flashy and looks like a celebrity truck.
Inside is huuuuge! And super comfy! This is totally the comfiest thing ever! I could sooo sleep in here. Thereās only four seats but theyāre awesome. I could probably, like, put my bed in the back. No huge sunroof, but thereās two, so I guess thatās flashy?
Daddy didnāt have to try hard to look under this. He says itās a 4.6L V12 and everything is good. I think he, like, wants to drive it too.
Driving this is, like, super easy. I forget how big it is. And I get to see over everything! Totally celebrity status. Daddy is happy it gets 20.6 MPG. He says thatās totally great for this thing. I think itās hot, and he does too. Maybe daddy will buy his own?
###rcracer11m - Mott Works Xion
Mott Works Xion? So weird. Itās a kinda cute $49,950 red convertible. Itās, like, totally funky. But it kinda looks old, and, like, what is with those rims? So not 2005. And no badges again! I canāt have something that nobody knows!
The inside is just, like, whatever. The stereo is soo not kickass. And, like, whatās with the shifter with the buttons thing again? I totally canāt drive that.
Daddy says thatās another of those race transmission things? I donāt even care. He also says it has a 3.2L V6. What-ever, I just want to go try something I actually like.
######(And now out of character)
This is the randomly ordered first batch of reviews. Iām on track to have the rest posted tomorrow and then to pick the winner.