The Kinda Grand Tour [FINALE]

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Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 3: 4-6am

As we pulled back onto the highway, leaving the golden glow of Denny’s behind us, there was scramble for the aux cable. Ryan was behind the wheel for the next stretch of the journey, and Bob and Jason were fighting over the aux cable, the fatigue of driving through the night was getting to them, making them highly irritable.

Bob: You had music control while you were driving and Ryan doesn’t want to scroll through songs while driving, so it’s my turn!

Jason: No way, you have had control for most of the journey, I want a fair share of the music time!

Ryan: Both of you, shut the hell up and put something on!

Bob and Jason: I’m trying!

Ryan pulls the aux cable from the radio and flips back to FM. Suddenly, the piercing shrill of a morning radio host comes over the speakers at much too high volume. We tuned in at the end of some joke and a cacophony of sound was assaulting our ears. Similar to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij4t51QlTXk#t=1m15s

Bob: Oh god, now I remember why I don’t listen to the radio in the morning, turn it off, for the love of humanity!

Ryan: This is on you guys, you brought this on yourselves.

Jason: I would rather listen to nothing than trash talk radio.

Ryan began flipping through the stations in search of something at least palatable, when we heard the sentence all radio listeners dream of, 1 hour commercial free rock block! We were saved. Amazingly, after the hour of rock had ended, a few channels up we found another station starting an hour of metal with no commercials. Today was a good day. We made it to 6am with almost no other fights, however, Bob and Jason were still fuming over their inability to control the music.

Day 3: 6-8am

Just before 6am the trio were cruising along the Pacific Coast Highway enjoying the amazing view of the Pacific Ocean ass the sun started to rise. We were passing through Malibu, discussing Malibu’s Most Wanted, a great movie, when the first attack hit us. We were holy unprepared and the intensity of it shook us to out very cores. The devastation the attack wrought on our noses and minds would scare us for days to come. Few would have survived such an attack, but we were lucky and had all the windows down.

Ryan: Excuse me, the food just hit my intestines…

Bob: This is worse than that other team, why is your gas you just like mustard gas mixed with paint stripper??? HOW?!?!

Jason: Oh my god, we have to get out of this car, we are going to die in here. A single spark will blow this car to pieces right now!

Ryan: Oops, excuse me… again.

A fresh wave of searing pain rolled over the occupants of the car, Ryan was barely able to keep his eyes open, from the burning.

Bob: With his head completely out of the window O SHIT, do you guys realize where we are?? GTA V BOYS! Plus a bunch of great movies. The California Incline is coming up, and the Santa Monica Pier, we have to stop!

Jason: We have to stop anyway, to air out the car. I think the carpet is starting to curl and the paint is coming off…

BBUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPP

Ryan: O man, that was a bad one… Here’s the turn off for the pier.

Before the car had come to a complete stop in the parking lot for the Santa Monica Pier, Bob and Jason jumped out and began running down the pier, attempting to escape the deadly fumes trapped in the old car. Ryan left all the doors open sat on the hood eating some jerky while Bob and Jason took pictures. He popped a couple of anti-gas pills and a couple anti-diarrheals, just in case. A half-hour later and Ryan’s gas had subsided. Bob and Jason hung the last of the air fresheners, Bob checked the oil again, and every piled back in the car.

Bob: It’s 138 miles to Coranado Beach, we got a (nearly) full tank of gas, half a case of energy shots, it’s dark out, and we are wearing sunglasses…

Jason: Hit it.

Ryan punched the gas sending up a plume of tire smoke, which smelled better than he did a little bit ago, as the car made its way out of the lot and back towards the “1”. As the trio headed down the road, Jason decided to call his girlfriend a bit early today to ensure he did not forget to call her after the excitement of the race’s end.

Jason: Hey babe, I know I am calling a bit earlier today, just wanted to let you know that it looks like I won’t be getting this job. We discussed the responsibilities and roles I would have and they are looking for someone with a bit more experience… Yeah, I know it sucks…

Jason: Yeah, I know… Yeah… I know… Yeah… I will probably be home in another day or two, I saw a few job postings while I was here that I want to check out. Yeah, I’ll let you know when I’m coming back. I miss you too, see you in a few days.

Jason: I think she is still buying it, I should be in the clear.

Bob: She knows, she’s going to rip you a new one when we get back. Just you wait and see.

The trio settled in for the totally-for-sure-this-time-guys, last leg of the journey.

Sorry if it seems I stole the farting elements from Strop, but my friend IRL really does have absolutely heinous gas that we have joked about to him.

Morale: +15 (Ryan had a gas attack)
Fatigue: +23 (Still no sleep)

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Farting, it’s a real, common thing, unlike what those lady amazons from Gazorpazorp would like to think :joy:

(Even more real when you think you have to sit with a group of people on an intense 2 day road trip where you rarely leave the car and everybody produces anywhere between half and three quarters of a liter of expressible flatulence a day. In Kai’s case he’s especially unlucky to have a horse for a travelling companion, you know what horse guts are like.)

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Team Mountain Pass

Sunday, day two, 4 - 8am

Team Mountain Pass

At first I thought the brakes were cold, since we left the hotel at 3AM this morning. The grinding and shuddering didn’t seem too bad considering the pace we were making but the brakes steadily got worse as continued on. Finally, in an orgasm of screeching, shuddering defiance, the front calipers seized solid, leaving us stranded and requiring a towtruck… Just my luck, I barely get a run and the car dies on me! At least the car didn’t burst into flames or anything…

Distance travelled: 222 miles
Total distance travelled: 1376 miles
Morale: -5 (+12 total) Another day, another dead Bogliq… Maybe we should run a Saminda next time?
Fatigue: +3 (+4 total) So fresh, so young, so frustrated; we were robbed of victory!!!

Epilogue

Tuesday, after the Grand Tour

Kyle here. I’m not surprised how things ended, since I’d forgotten to do the front brakes in the rush to prepare for the Grand Tour. Other than a pair of front calipers and brake pads, the Bogliq will require just general maintenance to be ready for the LeMons 24hr’s next month. I’m annoyed that we didn’t win but it was one wild ride while it lasted! I will have to keep my eye out for something cheap yet practical to stash away for next time…

Thanks @VicVictory for hosting this event, looking forward to what you have planned next! :sunglasses:

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Team BAGS

Brian’s notes for this leg:

Still nothing untoward as we make our way towards El Capitan, west of Santa Barbara. The sunrise is truly a wonderful thing to behold, and merely seeing it gives us renewed hope. Gary is starting to hear rumors that a bright blue sedan has ground to a halt after a brake failure. Truly a depressing sight for all involved; once we pass it, we will realize the full extent of their plight. This makes our continued survival up to this point seem all the more miraculous. More significantly, though, quite a lot of teams are once again suffering from fatigue - a side-effect of countless prolonged stints at the wheel. We are now considering a more aggressive strategy as the morning progresses… But will it be worth it? At any rate, the scenery in this part of California is even better than anything we’ve come across on our journey south, although we were hardly expecting it to be as good as this.

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TEAM OUTRIDERS

Luigi: Uh oh, looks like Marc is going to be pissed.

Blake: Why is that?

Luigi: Look at all those Hispanics hanging around.

Marc: Why would that piss me off?

Luigi: Your whole issue with immigrants.

Marc: I don’t have an issue with immigrants, I don’t even have an issue with Italians for that matter. I just have an issue with you.

Luigi: Hardy har har!

Blake: How are we doing on fuel?

Marc: She’s going down. We’ve probably got about fifty miles left.

Blake: Okay, let’s take a look here…

Luigi: Santa Maria is thirty nine miles ahead, that looks like a good place we can stop.

Blake: Looks good to me.

Marc: Okay, Santa Maria it is.

(Our heroes stop for fuel in Santa Maria, on their way out they spot something blue)

Marc: Hey, isn’t that the team with the Bogliq?

Blake: Looks like it, their four ways are on.

Marc: Guess they can’t catch a break, poor bastards.

Blake: At least they’re not on fire this time.

Luigi: I don’t understand.

Blake: On the Roulette Runner challenge, we came across them, their car caught on fire due to some rather poor wiring design.

Luigi: My uncle used to own one of those back in the old country. I forget which model it was. I do know the mechanic at the dealership had to have a phone to his ear while working on the car, with someone from Bogliq HQ on the other end explaining the wiring to him.

Marc: Yeesh! That’s some kind of Balkan company isn’t it?

Blake: Somewhere Eastern, I know that.

Luigi: Well, this is a cheap car challenge, these things do happen.

Blake: I know, but it’s still kind of heartbreaking.

(With that Marc cautiously looks at all the gauges, thankfully nothing is amiss)

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Team Twin-Snail

Previous Stage

“Breakfast’s over, get in the car!” Luke called at exactly 7:00:00 AM, making his way out of the hotel and to the car.

Amy and Scott took it seriously, stuffed the last bites of their eggs, bacon, and toast into their mouths, then made a run for it, getting into the car as Luke turned the key. Linda, on the other hand, was doing her usual thing, taking an eternity because she could.

Suddenly, a piercing blare shattered the silence as Luke leaned on the air horns. A few seconds later, another blast from the tri-tone truck horns, followed by Linda getting glared at by the receptionist, and Linda was making her way, slowly, to the doors.

A deafening blare echoed across the hotel as Luke, fed up with waiting, hit the train horn as Linda was getting near the door of the hotel.

“Really, Luke?” Linda grumbled. “I was enjoying breakfast.” she mumbled as she got into the car.

Luke didn’t even bother responding, instead slamming the car into reverse, hurtling out of the parking space and almost colliding with an SUV in the process, then slamming it into drive and lighting up the driver’s side tire on the way out of the parking lot.

“7:13 AM. Thirteen minutes behind already because you were ‘enjoying breakfast’ while we’re second-to-last on the grid.” Luke said.

“We could skip the POI stop and cannonball to the finish line.” Linda suggested.

“We could also stop at the side of the road and get rid of some dead weight.” Amy retorted. Scott burst into nearly uncontrolled laughter, just because of the fact that Linda had walked right into that one.

“Really!?” Linda whined, glaring at Amy and Scott.

“Well, we would’ve gotten out of the parking lot at 6:30 if you hadn’t insisted on breakfast. Could’ve been making miles instead of sitting on our asses waiting for eggs, bacon, toast, and pancakes.” Luke said. “Could have gotten an extra… 20 miles or so already. More if I decided to put my foot to the floor.”

Scott looked at the GPS, then to Luke and asked, “Well, Luke, can you floor it? We’re really far behind.”

“We need fuel, but once we have it, then yes, I’ll set the throttle to 100% and we’ll go as fast as we can before either the car falls apart, we reach Bishop Peak, or we get pulled over for speeding.”

They jumped the curb at the gas station in San Francisco, coming to a screeching stop at a pump, where fuel was dealt with as fast as possible.

Once the gas was paid for, and they were on the road, Luke put his foot to the floor, sending their old and heavy Minerva Midnight screaming down the road, a midnight-purple missile aimed to make up time.

Aftermath:

Car Condition: Still running fine.

Team Condition: In-a-fuckin-hurry-get-out-of-our-fuckin-way!

MRL +17 (+1) - On the move!
FTG +3 (No Change) - We’re really far behind, let’s get moving!

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Team Bamford

6am-8am

The big red boat was making decent time across Santa Cruz as they headed into road racer territory, Ken was in his element here, having spent a fair amount of time traveling around between Monterey Historics and Los Angeles.

“You know the real long beach is only just down the road” Ken said, leaning into the front.

Jason smiled, remembering the disappointment of almost driving to the wrong Long Beach two days prior.

“Do you reckon we could stop by there for a bit?”

“Maybe on the way back” butted in Phil “We do have an event to finish”

The talking continued, with Ken sharing some memories of his various trips around America and the weekend when he tried to get his F5000 down to the real Long Beach and arriving in time for the race to start.

Phil countered with the trip the team had to deliver the Bamford to the start line, having to cross the United States border since the closest airfreight terminal was Vancouver and their telling of a heroic story to two separate customs officials that saw them get the Bamford across the border, on the condition that they didn’t drive it.

Ken smiled, he had a feeling that a lot of the cars in this challenge were also illegal and going by some of the rumors floating around with the fate of some of the cars involved, it seemed a pretty common trend that the retirees were doing all sorts of stuff to get rid of their cars, or at least remove any evidence that they owned them.

This concerned Ken, Phil was obviously in love with the boat of a Bamford and it concerned him that if anything happened to the car and they had to ditch it, that Phil would stick by the car and end up in prison for his troubles.

They were on a quiet stretch of road now, somewhere close to Salinas when Phil began shifting in his seat.

“I have to piss, can we pull over?”

Jason pondered for a moment…

“Yes, but be quick about it”

Jason was trying to find a place to pull over when he heard a “Done!” from the back, accompanied with the sound of a car door slamming.

“Did you just piss out of a moving car?”

“And I didn’t even get wet” smirked Phil

Ken hadn’t even noticed, he was too busying watching the world go by, until he heard the door slam and saw Phil still kneeling on the seat, zipping his fly up.

“You do some seriously f****ed up stuff” muttered Ken

“I know” replied Phil “It’s almost like I’m emotionally damaged from my attempted murder and revisiting it in such detail over the last few days in the company of friends has broken me internally and I’m resorting to acting out because it’s the only way I can deal with stress.”

“That sounds like a pretty good reason” replied Ken “Also, you got your shirt caught in your fly”

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Team Mr Hankey.
Saturday 10PM-Sunday 2AM… various rustling sounds and the occasional incomprehensible muttered word.

Sunday 2 AM
Wookiee’s watch beeps… and because it’s on the table next to him, he picks it up and throws it at Bill.
Bill: OW!
Wookiee: Oh, sorry, didn’t see you there.

3:00
The team is packed and in the car.
Wookiee turned the key, and Mr Hankey coughed to life.
Wookiee: Yeah! My turn.
Toni: Then let’s go! Look, those other cars are long gone!
Toni was smart enough to reverse into the parking bay, making exit much easier. Wookiee drove Mr Hankey sedately to the street, then… drove at the speed limit.

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Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Sunday, 8am - 10am

Weather Conditions: 70 degrees. Sunny.

All vehicles are on US101 South or CA-1.

POI breaks no longer available (unless already submitted)

Next Waypoint(s): Half Moon Bay State Beach, Half Moon Bay, CA, El Capitan State Beach, CA.

VicVictory:
TBDC: 116 mi OD: 1490 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint Completed: El Capitan State Beach. Team has made their final fuel stop in Santa Maria.

@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 123 mi OD: 1643 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +7 Notes: Waypoint Completed: El Capitan State Beach. TEAM IS VERY FATIGUED.

@Madrias
TBDC: 122 mi OD: 1281 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +1 Notes: None.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 119 mi OD: 1500 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint Completed: El Capitan State Beach. TEAM MORALE VERY HIGH.

@CriticalSet9849
TBDC: 90 mi OD: 938 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Part is in, the parts store employee was “bribed” to install it, and team is on their way.

@BailsMackenzie
TBDC: 115 mi OD: 1472 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: El Capitan State Beach. Team has made their final refueling stop in Santa Maria.

@TheBobWiley
TBDC: 84 mi OD: 1693 mi MRL: +10 (WINNING!) FTG: +5 Notes: Team has crossed the finish line, shorltly before 9:30 AM.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 110 mi OD: 1379 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Team has made their final refueling stop in Santa Maria.

@stm316
TBDC: 104 mi OD: 1495 mi MRL: -4 FTG: +3 Notes: Team was pulled over by CHP and cited for speeding.

@abg7
TBDC: 114 mi OD: 1445 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: None

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 112 mi OD: 1563 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued.

@Rk38
TBDC: 103 mi OD: 1624 mi MRL: -3 FTG: +12 Notes: TEAM IS DANGEROUSLY EXHAUSTED.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 118 mi OD: 1629 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +7 Notes: TEAM IS VERY FATIGUED.

@SkylineFTW97
TBDC: 89 mi OD: 1360 mi MRL: -5 FTG: +5 Notes: CRITICAL FAILURE: Clutch has given up the ghost.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

(Will post RP later)

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btw I may have missed this in early posts, but I keep looking and can’t find it.

Where is our destination? LA?

365

Coronado Beach, San Diego, CA.

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Team Twin-Snail

Previous Stage

With the team so far behind, Luke buried his foot in the firewall, bringing the Minerva’s full force back into play again. The 3.6 liter DOHC V6 snarled angrily like a wildcat in a room full of rocking chairs, catapulting the car towards ever-dizzying speeds.

“70.” Luke said, counting out the speed as Linda watched the scenery whizz by at an unusually rapid pace. “80. 90. 95. 100.” he continued, the car’s snarl picking up as fourth gear was held for pure acceleration. “105. 110. 115.”

Amy watched as the steering wheel kept shuddering in Luke’s hands, the vibrations through the driveline causing the whole car to shake.

“120.” Luke counted, as the vibrations started getting worse.

A violent clatter and bang resounded through the back of the car, and some of the vibrations subsided, while others were made worse. “The fuck was that?” Scott asked, seeming nervous.

“Wheel weight. Vibration shook it loose. Was imbalanced anyway.” Luke said, his foot still pinned to the firewall. “125. High oil pressure light just flickered. 127. Light’s ignited, steady. RPM is at 5800. 130. Off the end of the gauge. Gear change… Now.”

The car lurched as Luke forced the transmission to 5th gear, the car now traveling at its top speed of 136 MPH. They went screaming past several other motorists, their Minerva just a dark purple dot in most people’s mirrors before roaring past, barely recognizable as a sedan by most people who got passed.

Luke piled on the brakes as a bright orange Storm Shadow moved to pass another car, having checked and seen the Minerva almost a mile away. The tires screeched as he made every effort not to drive up the back of the very expensive thousand-horsepower super sedan, hauling the car down to a mere 80 miles per hour and joining the Shadow in the pass.

“Maybe a bit more… Sane pace is called for.” Linda said after a few moments. “After all, we don’t need to go crashing through the Pearly Gates or the Halls of Valhalla in our dark purple shitbox.”

“At least, if we’re going to go crashing through the Pearly Gates, make sure we’re going backwards first.” Scott said, getting a laugh from all of them.

“Nah, you’ve got it all wrong. Gotta go through 'em doing at least a hundred, on the roof.” Amy said, continuing the joke.

“Well, I don’t know about going through backwards or upside down, but I do know that one was close. A more tempered pace, perhaps, at least until we’re out of this damned traffic. Then we’ll uncork the 3.6 and see if we can make up some time.” Luke said.

“Leave it to Luke to pull a stunt like that. Listen, I’m in no great hurry to meet the Grim Reaper. Plus, someone else already crossed the finish line.” Linda said.

Luke lifted off the gas almost imperceptibly, although the effect it had on the car was noticed by the tailgating truck driver behind them as they got honked at. Luke didn’t even bother to return the blast this time, seeming lightly demoralized.

“At least the last time… We weren’t too far behind. Now, we’ll be lucky to make it without being considered ‘lost in transit.’ Lucky if there’s any food left or any party still going once we make it. All this hard driving, and it’s for nothing. Two days of hard driving, two major stops, one still remaining, but… We’ve lost. Why bother speeding at this point?” Luke said, still shedding speed as they settled back down to flow-of-traffic speeds.

“Oh, cheer up, Luke. Surely you’ve found some excitement out here?” Amy said, trying to raise Luke’s spirit a little, mostly in hopes that he’d find some hidden desire to go fast again.

“Not really. Just a lot of driving. A lot of highway miles in a car that probably shouldn’t be running at this point. Almost 3300 miles since we started our journey in Chicago, cannonballed 32 hours to get to the starting line, and now it’s nearing the end of the journey.” Luke said.

“Well, the old saying used to be, ‘it’s not about the destination, the journey’s the important bit,’ or something similar to that. Surely something’s been exciting, or fun, or noteworthy for you?” Linda said, realizing that Luke’s lack of excitement might be a direct result of his lack of participation in events.

“No. Not really. Most of it’s been driving the car, or fixing the car, or planning on fixing the car, finding a hotel. A talk with Martin from Team Southend-or-Bust, but that’s the closest thing to noteworthy in this event.” Luke said.

“Well, we’ve got to fix that.” Scott said. “We need to do something for Luke, because without him, we’d be stuck back in Storm Automotive HQ, working on some race car or another, or putting an interior in the latest concept car, or completing yet another business transaction. And he’d still be up there, on the 37th floor, trying to decide what the next major sales trend will be.”

Luke continued on at the speed limit for the rest of the stage, despite the team trying to convince him to open the throttles wide and continue at their once-rapid pace.

Aftermath:

Car Condition: Running well enough, despite losing a wheel weight.

Team Condition: 3/4 okay. 1/4 demoralized.

MRL: +17 (No Change) Partially demoralized, but got to see a limited-edition Shadow on the street.
FTG: +4 (+1) Near Death Experiences are scary.

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I’ll have to type up my RP tomorrow, I have a whole “thing” I have been planning since the start, regardless of whether I won or not. However, now I have to incorporate some more stuff since I won. (Damn, those final rest stops just barely kept my tiredness in check and just barely ahead of the trailing teams. I won’t lie, I was worried about the final leg.) Congrats to everyone that participated and a huge shoutout to @VicVictory for an exceptional challenge.

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Team BAGS

Brian’s notes for this leg:

En route to the finish line in Coronado, we have opted not to stop at any points of interest - we are simply too close to our final destination anyway, nor do we need to adopt a more aggressive strategy (even though, in theory, we still can). Our fatigue levels are still minimal, but the same can’t be said for some of the other teams. Amy has heard a rumor that one team has already made it to Coronado ahead of us. We have mixed feelings about this - we haven’t won, but on the other hand, we will most likely finish, which was our aim for this journey. Alarmingly, Gary has told us of another rumor that a bright red van has broken down several hundred miles behind us. It goes to show how important it is to choose a highly well-maintained car for this long trip south…

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#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

The story so far: It’s been smooth going for the past few hours as they saunter down the Californian coast, and the need for fuel has presented an excellent chance to get some extra breakfast…

“Santa Maria then, eh?” said James as turned off the engine. “This just sounds like a generic Californian town”.
“Yeah, the kinda one those crappy American dramas like The OC are set in” replied Martin.
“The OC?” asked James.
“The OC. Some show about rich teenagers living in California that was on years ago. My older sister was addicted to it” said Martin, remembering the time she gave him a bloody nose just because he switched off the TV.
“Sheesh” said James, opening the fuel filler cap, “Glad I missed that one”.

Seb had got out of the car too, but had remained quiet. His eyes had caught something.
“Seb?” said Martin, wondering what he was so focused on. “Seb, hello?”. Martin looked in the direction Seb was looking.
“Ohhh” Martin said, smirking. “Hey, James, I think Seb’s just seen a very pretty lady”.
James looked over from staring at the pump, and chuckled. Seb had spotted a woman with long brown hair in a flower-pattern bardot filling up a light blue Honda S2000.
“Dude, shut up” said Seb, blushing.
“I bet you can’t go over there and flirt with her whilst talking about her car” stated James, with Martin smiling in agreement.
“Er…uh…Well” said Seb, his eyes flicking between the girl and the guys.
“Go on, you know you want to” said Martin.

Seb walked over, casually, checking out her car.
“Pre-facelift or after?” began Seb, trying to start the conversation on the topic of cars. She has to be petrolhead, surely. She drives an S2000! he thought to himself.
“Huh?” the lady turned around, a little surprised. “Oh, the car?”
“Oh gosh yes, yes” said Seb, fumbling a little.
“Ha” she said awkwardly. “It’s a 2006 model, so yeah it’s the updated one”
Holy shit thought Seb. She knows about this kind of stuff. She knows!
“Nice” Seb complimented. “Gorgeous colour too. I take it you’re someone who likes driving then?”
She smiled and put the petrol nozzle back onto the pump. “I am”.
“Thought that might be the case” replied Seb, smiling also. “I mean this is a proper drivers car”.
“Oh absolutely” she replied. “It’s seriously quick, and so much fun with the roof down”.

Martin and James were watching patiently. “Things seems to be going rather well” said Martin, doing his best to not appear to be staring.

Seb and the lady, who he’d found out was called Naomi, were still talking about the car.
“Nah, it’s kinda funny, I’m a stereotype California girl who does girly things, but people always seem to be surprised when I say I love cars” Naomi said.
“Well, I’m not surprised if you’re driving around in something like this” Seb replied having relaxed a little. That all changed very suddenly however.
“So then, did your friends dare you to come over and chat me up?” she said, unflinching.
“Er, er” - Seb stalled.
“Cause it’s real cute, you know” said Naomi, very sarcastically.

“No no, wait” - Seb desperately tried to regain control - “I…I, I saw you filling up your car and just thought you looked really beautiful and I really liked your car and then my friends said I should go over to you”.
“Huh” said Naomi, a little unsure.
“Seriously, I think you look gorgeous and I was actually gonna come over and say hi anyway” said Seb. He seemed to have saved himself.
Naomi looked at him, thinking. “You’re not from around here, are you?” she said.
“No, certainly not” said Seb, smiling awkwardly.
“Mexico?” - Naomi thought that would be the case given he had a Spanish accent.
“Wait, no, I’m from Spain” said Seb. “Though I’m actually at university in the UK currently with those two” he said, looking back to Martin and James (who definitely weren’t staring).

“Oh gosh, sorry about that!” said Naomi, hoping the apology would be enough. “What are you lot doing out here in a…er…” - Naomi looked past Seb to try and work out what car he was in - “…an orange Erin something or other?”.
“Ha, long story” said Seb. “We’re on this Gumball rally kinda thing, it’s a bit less crazy, but we’re driving from Seattle to San Diego in second hand crap buckets basically”.
“San Diego you say?” asked Naomi, her mood changing.
“Yeah, hopefully by tonight with any luck…”

.

“So she might try and meet you there?” asked James. They were back on the road, and naturally the guys were keen to know how it went.
“Yeah, she added me on Facebook. Said she was going to drive down there later today. Obviously she can go a bit faster than us so…”
“Nice job man” replied James.
“Next time though guys” said Seb, “please don’t stare like that when I’m trying to flirt”.

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Team Bamford

8am-10am

Jason was easing the Bamford along at a steady speed, trying to make the most of his seat time, they needed to stop for fuel one last time, the team was excited, they were making decent time and looked like a shoe-in for a decent finish as they coasted into the Chevron Station.

For the first time on the entire trip Ken’s mobile phone rang, as surprised as the rest of the team, Ken answered the phone, hopping out of the car and walking off into the car park to talk.

Jason and Simon went inside to pay for the fuel whilst Phil pumped it.

Phil was almost done filling the tank when he was approached by a large man-looking creature.

“Hullo” smiled Phil, putting on his best “I’m actually poor” accent

“What’s this?” asked the beast

Phil squinted for a moment and worked out that the “beast” was in fact a human, just wearing a ridiculously large hoodie and beanie combo that added feet to it’s height and fat to it’s width.

“It’s a Bamford from England” continued Phil, changing his accent to something a little more East-Coast.

“Yeah, I picked it up from some tourists who wanted to travel America in one of their own cars, paid around $3000”

The beast paused for a moment “So, it’s worth money?”

“What?”

“Give me the keys”

“Pardon?”

“I want the car”

“I don’t have the keys”

Phil, in resounding British stuck-up-ed-ness (yes, that’s a word now) refused to move a muscle, he hadn’t come all the way down America to be carjacked so close to the line, nor so close to his potential new girlfriend.

And, in that manner that won his people two wars and honorable mentions in the last few, Phil stood bolt still as the beast punched him in the face several times over.

“Excuse me!” said Phil, ignoring the blood pouring down his face “That’s not very nice!”

Simon and Jason ran out of the building, they’d paid for the fuel and turned in time to see Phil’s face being re-arranged.

Phil reacted splendidly, once making damn sure that his attacker had actually started the fight (just to be in the clear) he pulled the gas pump out of the car and splashed a small amount of gasoline over his attacker’s legs, the beast jumped backwards and Phil strode forwards to unleash a level of rage not seen since the Boer War.

But, being Phil, he stuffed it up and tripped on the pump’s line, tripping as he moved, headbutting his attacker before he regained his balance and spent the next ten seconds smashing his fists into their face.

Ken walked around the corner and saw Phil kneeling over the broken form of a man while his friend laid endless punches into their head.

Acting quickly, Simon dragged Phil into the car as Jason and Ken jumped in and sped away while Phil explained to the team what had happened.

“And I wasn’t going to let some junkie take our car so close to the line, I just didn’t expect him to break my face doing so”

The others were calmed by the story, learning that Phil was at least acting in self defense.

“Did you guys all think that I just started wailing on someone?” Phil asked, looking around the car

“I did, for a moment” replied Ken “It didn’t seem like something you’d have done”

Phil smiled, checking his teeth and noses alignment “Well, all seems to be right here, I’ve just got some monster bruises on my cheeks and eyes, chicks dig scars right?”

They contemplated phoning the police, but then the cops would look over the car and ask questions, so instead Simon phoned the petrol station and discussed the incident with them, they came to a resolution that Phil would meet them there around 3pm Monday and discuss the incident.

“So Phil and Jason will take the Bamford back to Santa Maria and give their statements then”

“Our flight out isn’t until Tuesday anyway” replied Ken “We can get the car LA and leave it at the air-freight terminal, that’s what my phone call was for, booking our flights home, I even gave Phil an extra two weeks”

Phil smiled at that, he was going to make the most of his stay.

“It’s hard to believe it’s almost over” said Jason “We put so much into getting here and it’s almost over now”

“And you know what, we just lost the race” said Simon, dejected “Clutch Droppers in their '96 Bil won it, according to the preliminary results”

Jason didn’t ease off, but the mood in the car was low, they’d never thought of winning the race, but with a broken and bloodied team-mate and a large fuel bill, it made the sluggish progress of the Bamford hard to bare and they were one wrong word away from a monster argument.

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TEAM OUTRIDERS

Marc: Is that one of the other teams?

Luigi: Stopped by the cops.

Blake: Good thing you slowed down when you did.

Marc: That’s a perk of being a cop, you know the best spots where state troopers set up.

Blake: What do you think of our chances for winning?

Luigi: Not good, looks like some drove straight through the night.

Marc: That’s what we should’ve done, slept and drove in shifts.

Blake: So our goal is to at least finish then?

Marc: That’s the plan. Car’s running along smoothly. Plus given that this car survived a previous run, that’s no small feat.

Luigi: I think we’re clear to pour on some more speed.

Marc: Not yet, see that overpass up ahead? There’s a smokey hiding behind it as well.

(Sure enough as the team passes they see a state trooper monitoring traffic)

Blake: How did you know he would be there?

Marc: Simple, it’s what I would do. Speeders think they’re in the clear, especially if the first guy has someone pulled over, then the second one comes in and nails em.

Blake: You’ve never been a highway patrolman.

Marc: Nope, but we do have the freeway running through the city, not to mention mutual aid.

Luigi: Remember that chase you did back in '07?

Marc: Ugh, don’t remind me.

Blake: Oh yeah, you had that Owosso.

Marc: Nice car and all, but wasn’t worth a damn in a highway pursuit.

Blake: Not to mention the trans fluid sloshing around during hard cornering.

Luigi: God, I remember your complaint about lack of shifting. I drove that thing all around town with no problems.

Marc: Because you didn’t swing it hard around a corner. I always knew FWD was a bad idea for a cop car.

Blake: No, just a poorly designed transmission. The new ones use baffles in the pan to keep fluid where it needs to be during hard cornering.

Marc: I wouldn’t know, I always pulled rank to get the car I wanted.

Luigi: Believe me, I know. The other cops call you a Blackfoot Whore.

Marc: Not my fault the city decided to buy both cars. And then get into a pissing match with Petoskey dealers over the fuel problem.

Luigi: It’s those stupid turbos. They could’ve stuck with a tried and true design, but no, they had to change to something completely different.

Marc: That’s because the Enforcer was largely unchanged for twenty years. Little upgrades here and there, but overall, you couldn’t distinguish this from a '92 or a '12 model year.

Blake: And a drop in the bucket where repair costs were concerned.

Marc: Okay, looks like we’re clear. (Pours on some speed)

Luigi: I always wonder what would happen if you missed one and got pulled over.

Marc: I’d show him my badge and hope he won’t bust my balls for being out of state.

Blake: Or the fact that you’re not a state trooper. As I recall there is little love lost between local and state cops.

Marc: Let’s see what we can find on the radio…

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Team DMV Speed Stars

Many black markers and cans of silly string later…

Ethan: Man, you guys did a number on each other. Can we keep going now?

Felix: Yeah…

Dennis: Alright. But I totally won.

Felix: Fuck you.

The 3 take off again. However, the quality of gearshifts goes down the drain.

Dennis: Man, this thing doesn’t want to go into gear. Well, it didn’t want to before, but now it really doesn’t want to.

Ethan: It looked like its days were numbered before. Wonder what went wrong this time.

Felix: Okay, Pull off at the next stop and we’ll take a look at it.

They stop in the middle of a largely empty shopping center and jack the car up.

Ethan: Man, it certainly smells like clutch.

Felix: How would you know? Your car has a CVT.

Ethan: Your stock clutch…

Felix:I only had the car for a month!

Dennis: Yeah, this thing is fried worse than Felix’s.

Felix: Hey, it only needs to last for the rest of the trip. Let’s go.

They make it to the end of the lot before the car won’t go into gear at all.

Ethan and Dennis: Well that didn’t last long.

Felix tries for about 30 minutes to put it in gear to no avail.

Ethan: Good news. Apparently there are people nearby who’d be willing to take this thing off your hands, even with the bad transmission.

Dennis: They can’t be any worse at buying cars than Felix.

Felix: Whatever. Let’s get rid of the van and get out of here.

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Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 3: 8-8:45am

Shortly after leaving the downtown L.A. area, the highway made a jog to the left and ended, dumping us onto Interstate 5, towards San Diego. Seeing the wide open interstate ahead of us, Ryan pressed down the throttle.

Ryan: Alright, I need to wake up a little, plus Bob is the only one to really have any fun with this thing yet.

Bob: Don’t go too fast, you have got to be about as tired as I am, and I am completely beat.

Ryan: Just a little…

Jason flipped on the radar detector attached to the passenger’s sun visor ss the speedo crept over 100.

Ryan: Man, this is great, all the traffic is headed into town, we timed this really well.

The road was mostly open ahead of us, while the Northbound side was clogged with commuters on their way to work in the city. However, there were enough cars on our side to keep the drive interesting while Ryan hammered the gas. Suddenly, the radar detector went off, just before we passed a semi-truck. The warning came soon enough for Ryan to smash the brakes, quickly bringing us back down to a pokey 70mph. We inched past the semi-truck and saw the highway patrol car off to the right of the road. Luckily, it seemed our semi-truck cover had prevented him from catching our speed… Or maybe our emergency braking convinced him that we were not all bad… Or maybe he was just lazy. Either way, the lights did not come on and we continued down the highway undisturbed.

Jason: Reaching up to turn the detector off. Man was that fucking close! If that truck hadn’t been there we would have been done for. Of course with the power this baby has we could have led a police chase to the finish line I think.

Bob: Let’s not push our luck anymore, we are so close, I don’t want the car to give up the ghost or get pulled over while 2nd place sails past us.

Ryan: Don’t worry, I’m going to stick to the speed limit from now on, but that really did wake me up.

Day 3: 9:10am

Ryan: Shit we are close. There goes Mission Bay. Do you think we are still in first, I don’t think anyone passed us at Denny’s or Santa Monica…

Bob: Guess we will find out in a few minutes. There’s the airport, should be just a few more exits.

Everyone was starting to get nervous, unsure if we were in first place still or not. The fatigue from driving all night was fraying our nerves.

Bob: Come on, come on… Pass this stupid car, we don’t have time for this!

Ryan: The exit is right here, can’t really go around just to dive through the crash barrels for the exit.

Bob: UUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Ryan: Here we go, the Coronado Bridge! Oh come on, it’s a stupid toll plaza. Anyone got change??

Bob: Yeah, here, just take it all and throw it at them.

After paying the toll, Ryan launched the car away from the booth, missing the raising boom arm by mere millimeters. The toll booth guards did not look amused. We followed the road around until we were pointed toward the beach turn off.

Bob: I can see the beach, follow the road around to the right. Right here, yes, turn!

Ryan: I can read the damn signs!

Jason: Do you guys see any of those other cars?? Also… Where exactly are we supposed to go to finish?

Bob: Hey, isn’t that the guy from the driver’s meeting standing over there?

Jason: Yeah, your right. Just pull over here.

Ryan gunned the engine, giving a small flick of the wheel to the right before hitting the brakes hard and yanking the wheel to the left. The FWD car’s rear end went completely loose, swinging around as good as any RWD car. Ryan planted the car firmly into the curb on the other side of the road, but miraculously was between the lines of the parking spots.

Bob: Damn, that was slick! But I think you messed up the rims…

Ryan: It’ll buff out. Now let’s get over to the race guy!

The trio took off across the sand, running full tilt towards the event chairman, whom was standing on the beach in front of a mat, similar to the Amazing Race. The trio jumped onto the mat, eager to hear those delicious words they so craved, “first”.

Chair: Welcome team Clutch Droppers, you’ve made it to the end of the race, how do you feel?

Bob: Great! Once you bloody well tell us what place we got!

Ryan: Did you just turn British??

Bob: Sometimes their language slips out… I watch a lot of British TV…

Chair: Well, I am pleased to tell you that… The camera spins around the trio, the music swells, and we cut for commercial.

Little Ceaser’s, because you have to eat something, right?

Commerical break ends.

Chair: Well, I am pleased to tell you that… you have come in first place!

Bob: FUCK YYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!

Jason; The little beater that could!!

Ryan: Damn straight!! Now where is our trophy?

Chair: So, what are you guys going to do now that you have won?

Bob: Well, these guys don’t know it… but, WE ARE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!

Jason and Ryan: What??

Bob: Yeah, I wanted it to be a surprise, I got us day passes for Disneyland since we are all the way out here. They are good through the end of next week. I figured we would take a day to recuperate before heading back up to L.A.

Ryan: MOTHER&%)#ING DISNEY!!!

Jason: I have never been, actually. To either.

Chair: Well, I would like you guys to stick around to greet the other teams if you would.

Bob: Oh hell yes, I would not miss an opportunity to rub this in their faces… sportsman like…

Jason: How far ahead do you think we are? I saw a store up the road and I have something planned for the other teams.

Chair: Looks at one of his aides… Looks like… about thirty minutes or so.

Jason: Back in the car guys, we’re going to hit up that Walgreen’s real quick.

Day 3: 9:40am

The trio arrives back at the finish line, car loaded down with all kinds of items. They bump over the curb and drive onto the beach near where the chairman is standing. They begin to unpack, tables, chairs, blankets, a charcoal grill, charcoal, and a couple of ice chests.

Chair: What in the world are you guys doing?

Bob: I told you we were going to be sportsman like, we are setting up a banquet for all the losers.

Chair: Well there are actually a number of food trucks here for the finish…

Jason: Well screw it… we already bought the food, we are going to have a cook-out anyway!

A few moments later the grill was sizzling away, loaded down with hot dogs and hamburgers. A single pack of tofu dogs sits in shame at the bottom of the ice chest. Just in case anyone is lame and won’t eat meat.

Bob: Gotta borrow the car real quick, we forgot the most important food. Beer.

About 20 minutes later and the car rolls back into view, by this point team Clutch Droppers was not the only team on the beach. Bob bumped back over the curb and brought the heavily laden car to a halt at the makeshift banquet site.

Ryan: How much beer did you get? The wheels are completely inside the wheel arches?? That’s got to be like…

Bob: 800 pounds of beer? Yeah, every square inch of the car is now beer… I even threw that useless spare tire away to make room. So, who wants something to drink?

As the day wore on, more and more teams joined us at the finish line. We were sad to see a number of teams missing. Most had car failures we learned, but one team was arrested. We challenged teams that arrived to drag races down Ocean Blvd. Some of which beat us, but was fun nevertheless to see what exactly people had been able to get for the budget. We shared our food and brews and swapped stories about the journey with the other teams.

Bob: Seems like we were pretty lucky nothing went wrong with our car. This turbo should have blown the manifold hundreds of miles ago, but I guess that kid we bought it from knew what he was doing.

Jason: Don’t jinx it, we still have to get to Disneyland, and then back to Seattle to get Ryan’s jeep. I really don’t want to have to fly back up there.

Ryan: Don’t worry, this car will be around forever at this rate.

Day 5

After spending a day recuperating, the trio were back in the car at 4am, ready to head back to L.A. and visit Disneyland and California Adventure. It was an uneventful drive, followed by a great day at the parks. The lines were relatively short and the weather was almost perfect. All in all it was a great day.

The next day they were in the car yet again, heading back towards Birch Bay State Park in order to retrieve Ryan’s jeep. Bob and Jason were arguing over who would get to drive the Bil back to Ohio. They had all come to love it, even if it was a bit uncomfortable, old, and worse for wear than when they started.

Morale: +25 (WE WON!!)
Fatigue: +28 (Still no sleep)

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Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Sunday, 10am - noon

Weather Conditions: 76 degrees. Sunny. Gotta love SoCal in the summer…

VicVictory:
TBDC: 115 mi OD: 1605 mi MRL: -4 (+11 overall at the end) FTG: +3 Notes: Team is feeling slightly fatigued. Team fails to complete the challenge in time, but does manage to make it to Coronado Beach at about 2pm, just ahead of the IA Advance.

@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 50 mi OD: 1693 mi MRL: +3 (finished, +13 overall at the end) FTG: +8 Notes: TEAM IS EXTREMELY FATIGUED. Team finished at about 10:45 am.

@Madrias
TBDC: 61 mi OD: 1342 mi MRL: -1 (+14 overall at the end) FTG: +0 Notes: Team has stopped at Bishop Peak for 1 hour. Team fails to complete the challenge in time, but does manage to make it to Coronado Beach around 5:30pm

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 122 mi OD: 1622 mi MRL: -3 (+20 overall at the end) FTG: +3 Notes: TEAM MORALE VERY HIGH. Team does not complete the challenge in time, but does manage to make it to Coronado Beach at around 1:20pm, just BEHIND the Puttz

@CriticalSet9849
TBDC: 124 mi OD: 1062 mi MRL: -5 (+3 overall at the end) FTG: +1 Notes: Team didn’t even make it to San Francisco before the end. They end up turning around and not completing, at Granny’s request.

@BailsMackenzie
TBDC: 125 mi OD: 1598 mi MRL: -3 (+13 overall at the end) FTG: +4 Notes: Team is feeling slightly fatigued. Team did not complete the challenge in time, but does end up making it to Coronado Beach at about 2pm, just behind the Ardent.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 1465 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +0 Notes: Team has stopped for a 30 minute rest at Vandenberg AFB. Team has failed to complete the challenge in time, but does make it to Coronado Beach at about 4:05pm.

@stm316
TBDC: 120 mi OD: 1615 mi MRL: -3 (+13 overall at the end) FTG: +4 Notes: Team has failed to complete the challenge in time, but does make it to Coronado Beach at about 1:20pm, just AHEAD of the Petoskey.

@abg7
TBDC: 99 mi OD: 1544 mi MRL: -3 (+18 overall at the end) FTG: +3 Notes: Team fails to complete the challenge in time, but does make it to Coronado Beach just after 3pm.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 130 mi OD: 1693 mi MRL: +5 (+14 overall at the end0 FTG: +5 Notes: Team is feeling fatigued. Team went absolutely balls-out (including some serious evasive driving through LA) and made it… at 11:59 and a few seconds.

@Rk38
TBDC: 69 mi OD: 1624 mi MRL: +2 (+2 overall at the end) FTG: +15 Notes: TEAM IS EXHAUSTED TO THE POINT OF DELIRIUM. Team arrives at approximately 11:30am.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 64 mi OD: 1693 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +7 Notes: TEAM IS VERY FATIGUED. Team finishes at about 11:15am.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

Rick stared at his watch as the last few seconds ticked away. “That’s it. Game over. We didn’t make it.”

Jen took her right hand off the wheel and rubbed her husband’s shoulder. “Not in time to win anything, but we’ll make it anyway.”

“Yeah, I guess. She keeps going,” he replied, patting the Chancellor’s cracked dashboard with his hand.

“Screw it!” Buzz interjected. “It’s vacation! Let’s finish this thing out and go see the sights. San Diego Zoo, anyone?”

Agreement on that point was easy and immediate.

Awards

Alrighty folks, time for those lucky 5 teams that actually made it (in time) to enjoy their private beach party, with a pair of top-notch food trucks (one taco truck, one burger truck), free flowing margaritas and beer, and lots of sun, sand, and music.

Oh, and awards. Those too.

5th place finisher: @koolkei / @FrankNSTein
4th place finisher: @Rk38
3rd place finisher: @Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
2nd place finisher AND closest to average FINISH time: @Fayeding_Spray
1st place finisher: @TheBobWiley

Hard Luck award: @HighOctaneLove
Ballsy award: @yurimacs
Zen award: @BobLoblaw

RP award: Well hell, I’m gonna just give out a bunch. @Madrias, @strop, @BailsMackenzie, @DeusExMackia… I think that cover it for now.

Thank you, everyone, for your participation! I will be back with another installment… at some point! :slight_smile:

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