Ferrain PL Team
Krzesimir: “Igor it’s turn to turn your lights off”
Krzesimir: “As you see we was driving like Shinigami”
Krzesimir: “But it’s time to get that racing technique”
Krzesimir :“I don’t said that to our factory team but i mounted computer to engine to have all stats about engine all time”
Igor and Shin : “Whaaat?”
Krzesimir: “This is true.Igor, Our engine is losing power.Now it have 375hp and 370Nm.”
Igor: “Oh no”
Krzesimir: “And one.You can use overboost of our rotary engine.It have 2hp on 91 octane fuel but overboost is having better ignition timing etc. And when you press overboost that engine generates 10hp and 20Nm. Don’t kill the wankel too soon”
Igor: “Ok.Are we having food in car?”
Krzesimir: “Yes.In place that was second place for passenger you will find crisps and fanta.”
Ferrain PL Team
But do the Wren come with a baton shaped hole in the dash as standard equipment?
Well, I have at least done the drawings for the last round now…
If I should say something positive…at least none of the drivers are dead…
To be honest considering mine are just criminals I’m not sure if that’s a good thing
MATS: GAH, I have to be in the pits for many more hours, I wish some of the teams could stop playing this eurobeat shit on their damn boomboxes!
LARRY: I wish someones half-norwegian wife could have stopped playing the three same norwegian country songs in the Brigadeer all the way to the track, my ears was bleeding the third time they went on repeat.
MATS: I wish she could let her foot off the accelerator one single time! Soon she will kill someone out on the track and I can call her Lady Bloodfoot instead!
LARRY: Well, at least she can find the accelerator, do you know where it is?
Larry laughing hard
MATS: I REALLY should have bought something else…
LARRY: Do you want to drive something else than an IP on the track?
MATS: Of course not!
LARRY: And at this moment, which IP model do you think is the most worthless?
MATS: WHICH ONE? RIGHT NOW IT IS THE 1978 PANDORA 1300 IN GRANNY UNDERWEAR BEIGE!
LARRY: And considering that Jenny would have smashed it to pieces anyway, which IP model deserved it the most?
MATS: Haven’t thought of it that way…
LARRY: No, usually you don’t think at all. Like when you bought this piece of crap for the race. But it seems like it turned out good anyway. Almost!
(For the correct amount of ear-bleeding, do some inline 6 sounds with your mouth while your friend is making Mud/Terrain tyre against coarse-tarmac sounds with his)
It was my Revero wasn’t it?
With only four hours left of the race we have started to learn the weaknesses of the cars and drivers. The Oldman is zig-zagging itself around the track, the Sakura has its fuel delivery problems that are coming and going, sometimes going too fast resulting in wheelspin and the Erin is handling even worse now. The engine in the Birmingham cuts out for some reason, but pressing down the clutch at speed and releasing it again makes it run again, as it appears with no flaws. The Bogliq, once again understeering a bit through the chicane, a bit too much it seems, driving straight out on the grass. Some of the last dangling pieces of wood on the Caliban comes loose, landing on the windshield and causing Ana to brake in panic. The Buccaneer is not what it was handling-wise after some crashes and the Matteo seems to be too fast for its own best sometimes.
The Minerva is once again slowing down with its reverse lights blinking, two of the ladies, Rebecca in the Bogliq and Jenny in the IP is trying to overtake it, maybe a little bit too close smashing side to side into each other. It is maybe questionable who was at fault, but what’s not questionable is that while the Bogliq is mostly undamaged, the rear sideglass on the IP is smashed to pieces which probably needs to be solved in the pits by duct-taping some plastic over the gaping hole. The Sakura probably have some bent suspension components by now, doing the same wallowing over the track as the Erin and the Oldman. At Caswals carousel, the door on the AAAA once again springs open and this time it’s the Matteo that has to brake not to hit it. Meanwhile at Cossack corner, Alex Mitchell in the Nohda is probably being too confident, entering it with too much speed, he gets off the gas which turns the understeer into too much oversteer, sending the Nohda off the track with its tail first, but undamaged. Mats Meierhof in the PMI is trying to overtake Rebecca O’Shea in the Bogliq, but probably realizes he won’t be able to do it before Lamb’s hope and has to change his plans there.
But wait, what’s that roaring? The Sakura is reaching Caswal’s carousel with a speed there is absolutely no chance to take that turn in, and it goes straight forward and WHAM! into the barrier, the engine is still roaming and it seems like the accelerator pedal has gotten stuck, Kevin manages to shut off the engine and seems to be unhurt but the former police car looks like it has been involved in some kind of terrorist bombing now, we hear Charlie Newgarten on the radio say that he still will take a look at it, but it has to be towed to the pits, yellow flag is out, now the Sakura is in the pits and the race can continue as usual, causing the driver in the LSV Buccaneer to be too quick on the accelerator, sending the black station wagon straight into the barrier, another car to the pits. Ana in the Caliban still doesn’t show her best, probably she won’t do it for the rest of this race. We hate to say it again, but the door of the AAAA keeps popping open in the curves, this time at least nobody was close to hitting it. Rebecca could really start slowing down the Bogliq a bit in the curves, instead of understeering into them and then spin out into lift off oversteer in panic, and the turbo lag in the Suzume seems to have surprised Jen once again after getting out of a refuelling stop, leaving with spinning wheels.
One could almost say that the race is getting repeative, the Erin is having a hard time as usual, soon using the whole width of the track even on the straightways, the Suzume has not being free from its prangs either and maybe that’s why it bursts out in a skid in the slingshot at moderate speed, causing the Birmingham and the Espyo to brake. The Sakura is leaving the pits, almost a miracle that they managed to repair it to driveable condition, but almost out of the pits it stops and Kevin has a hard time getting it started again. The Buccaneer also stops, which is followed by a loud backfire and then the engine is running again, though a little bit rough in the beginning.
There seems to be a little fight going on between Jen in the Suzume and Jenny in the IP, trying to pass the Suzume, Jen is not giving Jenny a chance, suddenly Jenny tries to take her chance anyway while Jen is closing it with the Suzume, causing the IP to hit the Suzume. Unbelievably the Suzume can continue with only severe cosmetical damage, because both the oil cooler and the radiator in the IP is shot behind the crushed plastic bumper, yellow flag is out again and another car is towed to the pits. The Oldman is now facing troubles even at Pomms pickle, doing a 360 degree spinout on the track, forcing the AAAA and the Revero to swerwe to avoid a crash. The Sakura also have some troubles in keeping a straight course, almost bumping into the Nohda, but thanks to some clever driving Alex Mitchell manages to avoid the crash.
It’s hard to say who was at fault in the crash between the IP and the Suzume, but if you ask Jenny, she will probably think that karma takes its turn on Jen now as she skids off the track, damaging the Suzume bad enough to require a visit in the pits, even if it is driveable unlike the IP. Ana in the Caliban is starting to do some really strange maneuvres now, almost bumping into the Nohda. We hear some strange sounds from the LSV Buccaneer, it’s really not running like it should now.
It’s just one hour left of the race now, we see the IP back on the track but like many other of the cars by now, it can’t really maintain its stability, the same goes for the Oldman, Lucas Nilsson is forcing the TSR a bit too hard around the Banhammerhead, getting a bit of understeer, at the same time Crashtor Nardo in the Espyo seems to be a bit annoyed that the slower TSR is in front of him, trying to overtake him but spinning out instead. The Sakura is experiencing brake fade problems again, it simply can’t stop in time and BANG! there it hits the Erin bad enough to spin it around. The Erin seems to be in almost driveable condition, like it has been for the last hours, but the Sakura is soft like a pear up front after all the crashing and has to go back to the pits to straighten out some sheetmetal. Timo Ruggla in the Birmingham haven’t noticed what’s happening in time, probably suffering from fatigue by now, and has to brake hard when there’s a mangled Sakura in front of him all of a sudden.
It’s like if all of the drivers are trying to put “just one more lap” on their lists in the last minutes of the race. The Matteo and the Nohda both is crossing the limits at its times, resulting in some wild skids for the Matteo between Banhammerhead and Caswals carousel. We hear some of the last crunches from the Erin gearbox, we see some of the last zig-zagging done by the Oldman, Ana in the Caliban seems to be very tired and unconcentrated, driving completely off the track and retuning like nothing happened. Almost ramming into the Birmingham, Ruggla had to swerwe quickly to avoid the Caliban, sending him off the track too. The Keika is running a bit rough, but there is only minutes left now and GUESS WHAT, ending the race is the Espyo with the flames starting to burst out of the exhaust one last time!
This is the end of the 24 hour clunker challenge, all cars finished even if some of them are so done now that it is doubtful if even the junkyard will take them afterwards, but since everyone has finished, the results will be very interesting to watch…
To be continued
(1. Wanting to put you on hold, 2. haven’t calculated who is the winner yet and 3. some of you probably want to do some pre-end-of-race RPing before the end is official)
Jake’s radio commentary was a flurry of cursing at the Minerva as he fought to get the damn thing in fourth just about every time. Even worse, the gearbox issue nearly got him swept up in a crash between the Bogliq and the Pandora, throwing glass all over the track right in front of him.
“Really!? I’m trying to get this shitbox in gear, and you’re trying to run me off the road!” Jake yelled, losing his temper as the Minerva crunched over the glass, mercifully not bursting a tire.
With a fistful of minutes left, Jake sent the Minerva roaring around the track for the first clean lap of their race, not going off the track or hitting other cars, or getting used as someone else’s brake. As the Minerva roared across the line, completing their last lap, Jake cheered, tried to downshift for the upcoming corner, and pulled a fourth-to-first. The Minerva’s proud 2.6 liter inline 4, designed to redline at 5100 RPM, went way beyond that. The tachometer needle snapped, the gauge spun all the way around to the 2000 RPM mark, then back down with the dying rasp of spun bearings, mangled pushrods, and all the other sounds of a properly-done money shift.
“Great job, Jake. You’ve oiled the track and popped the engine.” Luke said.
“You oiled three state highways and blew the engine in the Truckling. We’re even.” Jake responded back.
“I’ll make a call for them to send out the tow truck, get you off the track. At least the junkyard will buy it for scrap metal, that’s an old 80’s steel safety-box.” Amy replied.
The Pandora arrives in the pits by tow truck
MATS: You can’t drive like this!
JENNY: Not my fault!
MATS: Not your fault? You are trying to overtake cars when there is no space!
JENNY: They can move then?
MATS: This is the second time you come in with the car smashed, look how it is now, no radiator, no oil cooler, no…nothing! You don’t win races by standing in the pits all the time! Now let’s see if we can fix this, maybe bypass the oil cooler with a little tubing because I don’t give a damn about oil temperature now, and the radiator probably can be soldered good enough to hold up for the rest of the race…and we have lots of the handymans secret weapon…duct tape!
JENNY: “If women don’t find you handsome they can at least find you handy!”
MATS: Should I care about what you just said?
JENNY: Up to you to decide.
MATS: You can’t stand other women on the track, can you?
JENNY: I don’t have a clue about what you mean now…
MATS: It’s some damn instinct from the jungle! “Oh look, this woman is passing my beige shitbox with her blue shitbox, I have to push her off the track so she won’t run away with my husband!”
JENNY (blushing): I have…no idea…about what you’re…talking about. And it’s not like anyone would want to run away with you anyway…
MATS: Then you could stop being so goddamned jealous all the time!
JENNY: WHAT? I have NEVER…
MATS: I agree. You’re correct. I was wrong. Whatever. Just let me fix this damn radiator now and please don’t come back one more time looking like Euro-NCAP had done all their crash tests on the same car at the same time!
Team Greasy Lightning
Fuzz yelling at Jen as she drives by
“TRY NOT TO HIT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ON THE TRACK, WILL YA?”
Wow, that door popping open would normally suck, but is a blessing in disguise!
One way to block people from passing
Team ‘Southend Or Bust’
“…THAT @#&%ING B£$%@?D SAKURA P$&K, STUPID @#&%ING JAPANESE SH*TE BOX” ranted James over the microphone. He’d been lamenting about “how close that bloody Sakura was getting” every time they went into a corner, and now that its brakes had finally given up, he was furious.
“James…yawn…James, look, just calm down yawn” said Martin. Seb was fast asleep despite the noise in the garage, leaving the worn out Brit to handle the communication.
“No Martin I will not calm down, he’s driving like an f-” James shouted back
“-JAMES, ease it down, we yawn haven’t got long before the yawn end of the race”. Martin’s mind turned to having another Red Bull.
James went silent for a bit. Martin had calmed the situation. “Right James” he asked, trying to keep the peace, “how bad was the shunt?”
“Nasty” said James, “there’s definitley something scraping around back there”.
“Does the handling feel any different?” said Martin, referring to the non-existant rear suspension.
“No” James said back sternly.
“Good. And how about that gearbox?” Martin replied.
“What gearbox?” remarked James.
“Good good” said Martin. He could worry about it as he usually did, but the time for worrying had long gone. The car was beyond ruined and yet it was still going. There was no point thinking about how they were going to reassemble the rear trailing arms when the joints themselves were probably already ruined.
Martin turned to Seb, who stirred all of a sudden and muttered something in Spanish before immediately falling back asleep. His last stint had ended about an hour before and it was clear he’d decided his race over right there and then.
The end was in sight. James was in the car, and while he was an erratic fool from time to time, his passion was sure to see the now-ruined Lomaron across the line, though certainly not without a lot more swearing first.
Team Shitbox Brothers
Last minutes of the race
Ana is starting to drive erratically due to the sheer exhaustion she’s going through right now, almost bumping into the Nohda.
Ana: “Ah…crap, tell them that was my bad!”
Alejandro: “Try not to lose your focus now, please, you’ve done great the whole race…”
Ana: “How many minutes to go?”
Alejandro: “Not sure anymore. White flag should come out any second now.”
Ana: “Alright…one last sprint.”
Alejandro: “Go for it sis, you got this. You can get the podium, find your way around the competition!”
Ana: “10-4, 10-4!”
Alejandro let out his breath, taking his headset off. The tension and exhaustion he was being exposed to as well was starting to take a toll on him. Any second now…
Ferrain PL Team
Krzesimir: “I see all informations about the race and i see you are driving perfect”
Krzesimir: “I also see you don’t used lights and you used overboost and this great.It’s only few laps left”
Krzesimir: “Good job maaaan”
AND NOW TO THE FINAL RESULTS
Even if sometimes too fast for the track, the drivers and the competition, and despite the occasional backfires with flames bursting out of the exhaust (for some reason always causing the Bogliq drivers to look scared to death when happening close to their car) the clear winner is the ESPYO at 647 laps. With no serious failures and the fastest car on the track, that maybe was no surprise.
( @UMGaming )
At second place we have the MATTEO. Even though there was some worries if the clutch was going to hold up for the whole race, and there was some close encounters, the little pocket rocket managed a total of 626 laps. Well done!
( @strop )
At third place, we are impressed that we find the CALIBAN at 617 laps. Being in multiple crashes, disliked by many when it was spreading its wood debris all over the track, and with a far from stellar driving record by Ana the last stint, one can clearly call this a good result.
There is some big question marks about the KEIKA. Where did the team find one of the rarest hot hatches of the 80s, why are they all anonymous and why the aggressive attack against the Minerva in the pits? What’s not unclear at all though is that they are barely missing the podium at fourth place and 614 laps.
( @BoostandEthanol )
Fifth, we find the FERRAIN. Not the fastest of the bunch and definitely with quite a heavy appetite on fuel, and driven in a little bit too aggressive manner sometimes, the eccentric ute-like thing has been going like a train most of the time, and the even more eccentric factory team managed to drive it around the tracks 607 laps.
( @Lorenztype )
Shortly after we find the NOHDA. Being in one crash and not running very well all the time, it finishes at sixth place, managing to do 606 laps.
( @Dorifto_Dorito )
At seventh place we find the BIRMINGHAM, something of a sleeper and by some people here considered the fastest true clunker after a bunch of sports cars and hot hatches, good driving and no major faults took it 587 laps around the track.
( @DukeOFhazards )
An impressive performer is finishing at 8th place, Lukas Nilsson in the TSR, a rookie driver in a mediocre car that showed some real stellar driving all the time, without major breakdowns, managing 585 laps. We think that it was a wise decision to not throw this away by trusting the energy drinks to do all three stints.
( @Aaron.W )
Going really well in the beginning of the race, the jet black retro station wagon was facing more and more problems close to the end of the race, and that resulted in a 9th place for the LSV 577 laps later.
( @LS-Vehicles )
The REVERO is a great example why fuel economy is not only a thing for grandmothers in tiny hatchbacks. Refuelling four times as much as the most economical car, the Nohda, it was getting further and further behind cars that actually was a fair bit slower performance wise, finishing 10th at 575 laps. Even worse, the team seems to have gotten some contaminated fuel, making it run rough at times already from the first refilling.
( @Boxsterholics )
The SUZUME managed to finish 11th, I’m surprised it managed to finish at all. Being constantly smashed into the size of a matchbox car, with a handling that at least one of the drivers had a hard time with, and with constant electrical gremlins that didn’t quit until the dashboard was smashed into pieces with a baton, it still managed to do 563 laps.
( @VicVictory )
The BOGLIQ was into some minor crashes, had some handling problems and to top that out, it was probably a fair bit too slow too, that lead to a 12th place at 547 laps.
( @HighOctaneLove )
The PMI is neither a fast nor an economical car, what it has done well has been to run and run and run with not much more that some grounding issues with the wipers, good driving and high reliability at least was enough for a 13th place and 546 laps.
( @Private_Miros )
The AAAA finishes at 14th place with 543 laps. Being in a major prang early in the race, the structural integrity of the little fiberglass box was probably very compromised, leading to doors and bonnet not locking correctly and flying up all the time. Another car that probably showed its last abilities through this race.
( @machalel )
Even more smashed up is the OLDMAN. Having some serious troubles with the fuel system, overheating brakes, worthless tyres and being smashed to the point that it was hard for all four wheels to touch the ground at the same time, I guess that even 15th place and 530 laps was an impressive performance.
( @stm316 )
Another badly smashed car is the ERIN. The crash into the Minerva not only forced the team to keep the rear door in place with some straps, the gearbox was showing its ugliest side already from the beginning and the rear suspension was completely out of alignment after the crash. Finishing at all at 16th place and 529 laps is probably better than not finishing at all, especially with a car that was far from fast when it left the factory almost 30 years ago.
( @DeusExMackia )
The MINERVA proved to be a real dog with a gearbox that tried to give up, a slow agricultural engine and really worthless handling. It also won the inofficial lemon prize from the track officials blowing its engine into pieces shortly after the race. Oddly enough it left two cars behind, finishing at 17th place and 519 laps.
( @Madrias )
The SAKURA was ahead of the Minerva for a really long time, despite problems with different things such as the fuel system, but at the end of the race some crashes were taking its toll, it still could drive until the bitter end though, finishing at 18th place and 515 laps.
( @Vri404 )
Bringing our magazines own anti-hero and his strange family to the track with a sloooooow 70s hairdressers coupe was not one of our brightest ideas, finishing last with 491 laps. It was simply too slow from the start, and Lady Leadfoot trying to compensate during the last laps didn’t help at all with anything else than smashing the car apart
( @Knugcab )
We want to thank everyone that has been participating in the 2018 edition of Trafikjournalen’s 24 hour clunker challenge, and everyone that has been following us, now it’s time for the teams to load all their stuff and head for an in some cases long trip home…
Here’s the car that won, though I dought that you will find it useful. 300hp and wide tyres are the two things that made it fast, ~50 driveablity and ~70 reliablity are the two things that keep it out of two much trouble. Good thing it didn’t rain or my car would’ve fallen apart being made out of steel and aready rusted.
Thanks @Knugcab for hosting this challenge, whilst the rules could be improved if you do something like this again to avoid a track car and hot hatch’s dominating, it was still fun. Yes my car is a track car, it score ~100 in a couple of track category’s.
Though this is my first challenge and I want to send big thanks to EVERYONE that gave me help and advices when I tried to start this up, without you it would have been much more work involved, maybe not much of a challenge at all.
Also, I want to thank you for all the good RPing, seriously I haven’t been laughing this much in a long while, the RPing is what makes half of these competitions, I notice now…
I haven’t had this much fun in AGES! I thought when I did all the hard work in the beginning that “this ain’t worth the struggle”, but how wrong I was…and I hope that you guys had as much fun taking part in this as I had hosting this.
So I can really consider hosting more challenges in the future…if you want more of course?
Hey, can’t say no to a good challenge like this
Yes, this is a “I expect more challenges from you”
Hell, I’d join another challenge similar to this. Doesn’t just have to be a Beater Bash, long as it’s set up for some light role-play, I’ll stick my nose in it.