Preliminary Reviews Part 1
12th March 1978 10:33 AM| California, EagleHeart’s crib
aka Buddy’s house
It was a hot Californian morning, the neighbour’s dog barking at the squirrels again, a fan wirring in the background.
“It’s never fucking quiet around here” thought Buddy as he sorted the brochures that had been scattered by the fan. It was then when Jack lumbered down the stairs.
“You’re up early” Buddy noted.
“Yeah, well I don’t want ya’ to pick a shit ride now do I?” snapped Jack, “Where’s Mac?”.
“Mac? Oh he’s gone off to drag Steven out of Marcholo’s drug den.” replied Buddy, “Crazy bastard just spends his days snorting coke and chugging booze, it’s a wonder he can still perform on stage”.
Just then the door slams open, with Mac carrying Steven over his shoulder.
“A…are we fuckin’ doing this shit or not…” stuttered Steven, still slightly inebriated, “…Right then, since we’re all here, lets fucking go”
Bud: First off, we have a pretty big sedan, the Anhultz Mimas
Jack: Never 'eard of em, but it don’t look bad.
Bud: Yeah, has 5 seats, sips fuel, and its pretty cheap. Not sure about the 5 speed manual and the turbo though.
Mac: Looks like we’ll need a trailer for it though. I know old Gus has one sitting around, could get him to flog it to us if we need to.
Bud: A keeper?
Jack: Yeah sure
IP Highway Star
Bud: Next is the IP Highway Star
Steven: Looks like shit.
Jack: Eh, it ain’t that bad. And it looks like its got a ton of space to put shit in.
Bud: Yeah, it’s got plenty of seats and space. It chugs a bit more fuel that I would like, but it’s got a carb so that’ll be easy to fix.
Mac: I dig it, don’t even need a trailer so it should be cheaper on the wallet.
Bud: I guess we keep this one then.
Genra GVC Combi
Bud: This ones the Genra GVC Combi
Steven: God, it looks crap. I would rather be seen with Stacy’s mom than in that shit.
Jack: You know for once, I actually agree with you there.
Mac: Looks like shit, but everything else doesn’t seem to bad. Plenty of space, plenty of seats, not to bad on the fuel.
Bud: Still has a carb too, should be easy to repair. We should at least check it out.
Mitsushita Space Dragon
Bud: This one is the Mitsubi…Mitsushita Space Dragon
Steven: That sounds fucking badass, thats the shit I want.
Jack: Looks great and looks like it has plenty of space in the back and even has 5 seats. I think this ones a winner.
Mac: No it ain’t.
Steven: Fuck off Mac, you can’t tell me that this is shit. IT’S A FUCKING SPACE DRAGON
Mac: And who the fuck is doing the maintainence and repair. Oh wait it aint you dipshit. Look at it. Mechanical Fuel Injection. If this thing breaks down in the middle of fuck off nowhere we’re screwed.
Steven: Well we’re fucking checking it out anyways Slams brochure into the ‘good pile’
Mac: Yeah, we’re not. Tear’s the brochure up
Steven: Dick. I’ll fucking buy one anyways.
Bud: Alright guys calm the fuck down. Here’s the next one. It’s…it’s a limo.
Steven: Fuck yeah, now thats some good shit.
Jack: Hold on a second. Even with a trailer there isn’t enough space to fit all our crap in.
Steven: Aww piss off, just strap the shit that dont fit in onto the roof.
Bud: How much was your strat Steven?
Steven: Four months of my salary, why?
Bud: Cause if we get that car, thats the first thing thats getting strapped onto the roof.
Americar Elegance 662
Bud: Right this one is the Americar Elegance 662 and…
Mac: Fuck me is that a 662CI V8. That’s some good shit right there.
Jack: Dude, have you seen it’s estimated fuel eco? It’s shit. No way we’re gonna be able to stay on the road with that.
Steven: Lets not forget that it looks like shit too.
Mac: Ah, damn. Yeah I guess thats going in the bin too.
Bud: This one looks promising. It’s German.
Steven: Ooh la la, va va voom.
Jack: That’s French dumbass.
Mac: Yep, plenty of space and seats and sips fuel too. Pretty good for a van.
Bud: In the good pile it goes then.
WM Valhalla Quad Targa
Bud: Next is the WM Quad Targa. And I would like to say it looks piss ugly
Steven: Yep, a pile of shit looks better than that.
Mac: I’ve seen worse.
Bud: Well apart from it looking pretty bad, it doesnt chug that much fuel.
Mac: It has only 4 seats though, and it does look pretty bad.
Steven: Yeah thats going straight into the bin.
Bud:Right, this one is the Monado Excursion.
Steven: This one looks good.
Mac: Yeah we’ll need a trailer for this one though. Also only 4 seats?
Jack: Yeah, not sure about that. The fuel economy isn’t that bad though. But man, that isn’t alot of space for people in there.
Bud: So in the bin?
Mac: Yeah, shame since it looks pretty good though.
Just as they were about to move onto the next set of brochures, the doorbell rings. “I’ll open the door”, said Steven, “You guys continue looking at the other crap”. As Steven opens the door he’s greeted by two police officers. “Mr Steven Dare?” spoke one of the officers. “Aye, that’s me, what’s up officer”. “You’ll have to come with us, we received a call about you being drunk and disorderly from the bar last night”. “Ah piss” uttered Steven…
Part 2 Soon…