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The Car Shopping Round 131 - Wanderlust and Quarantine's Angst


Now im finally getting ideas


For sale: 1999 Hakumai Furcio Sport (C50) Gen 1

Car fully works and drives, Wheel bearings and the shocks need replacing soon, but for what it is it’s a excellent car for your things. 2 Owner, the last owner was a mum who wanted to haul their kids around and their groceries, She didn’t drive the car that much, I have mostly tried to clean the junk in the car, It was a lot, because the kids. She bought it new in December 1999 straight from the dealership. It has been their car until i bought it in 2010 on October, The car has some rust underneath.

I Have since bought another car and i need my precious driveway space back. Take it off my hands ASAP.

All-Wheel drive fully works fine, it’s really fuel efficent too. Just dont go hard on it,

You’ll get fuel efficency easy if you dont drive like a fucking dog.

Japanese quality reliability too. Only needed to replace the headgasket, and starter and the waterpump, Since then, i have done a few upgrades to the car, aftermarket stereo, B&B Cold air intake, and 7000K headlight bulbs to replace the stock ones. during the Coronavirus Pandemic. NO LOWBALLING.

8.3l/100KM, It’s gonna save your fuel costs greatly. 1708 Euros, and it’s yours. Meet up at parking lot
Trades accepted, No negotiations.

Car fully works and drives, Wheel bearings and the shocks need replacing soon, but for what it is it’s a excellent car for your things.

8.3l/100KM, It’s gonna save your fuel costs greatly. 1708 Euros, and it’s yours. Meet up at parking lot
Trades accepted, No negotiations. Call or text John at (Show Contact info) for any questions. Thank you

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

1999 Hakumai Furcio Sport C50

Condition: Not bad
Cylinders: 4
Drive: AWD
Fuel: Gas
Odometer: 85000km
Paint color: Silver
Size: Crossover
Title status: Clean
Engine size: 1.6L
Type: Wagon
Transmission: Manual


1996 RCM Yukonite Scout

265,146 km

Selling my trusty old Yukonite that’s served me well for over 20 years. Base 2WD model with the 2.5L I4 but it’s still a very capable SUV and quite well equipped as you’d expect something from North America to be, as well as very spacious for passengers and cargo. Pretty good on gas for what it is (10.8L/100 km) and drives well. Take good care of it, there’s plenty of life left in it.


1985 Zihatzu Knave Turnier

Slow, cheap 1980s Japanese shitbox in wagon form. An old pre-openbeta car tarted up quickly, I didn’t have time to make a whole new car with Xmas celebrations.

Here are two rubbish pictures. I can’t add anything fancy because my internet is really weak right now. Not that I can take good pictures anyway.


@Tzuyu_main Would the results come soon?


I’m pretty sure that Tzuyu will do what’s possible to process the results as fast as possible without sacrificing quality. Maybe it is a bit rude to post such a question 20 minutes before deadline, don’t you think?


Less than 15 minutes remain before submissions close.

CSR 131 submissions are now closed! Instabin reviews should be out soon.

Ryan and I are working on results as fast as we can. They will come out when they come out. Thank you for your understanding.


1988 fraser statsmaon “mint” conditon

very good condition 268000km,car is currently in hainan china. no leak no smoke i can do shippping any-where for free i own shipping company no hassles. 16000rmb or 2000euro obo

Base model 3rd generation Fraser Statesman. Bogo standard elderly-dog-in-a-hamster-wheel inline-4 engine good for maybe 120hp, even with 4 valves all crammed up in a single jingle cam. 5 speed manuelle and rwd correct wheel drive :sunglasses: :sunglasses:. This one has the fancypants side trim option and the rare split windows that leaks and not much else

first csr i did. hopefully i can get it more planned next time


It all depends on how many entries there are. There’s also how much free time the host has.You also need to remember that Tzuyu and Ryan are in different time zones and will want to communicate on which cars they bin, which they keep and which they like best. As there’s two hosts they may like different cars so they need to take their time.


I couldn’t have said it any better. Thank you for your entrys everyone :slight_smile:


Probably assuming from the expectations of generations idk? Anyways he should know better…


Yeah, im more familliar with Generations stuff than CSR


More pics


ROUND 0 [BINS] - You're fired.

1830 hours, and it’s raining outside. A flurry of raindrops flies into the glass balcony door, creating a crescendo only mother nature’s own percussion was capable of. Julius’s cast iron skillet hisses and pops over the electric stovetop surface, its owner multitasking between chopping various ingredients and tossing them into the snarling cauldron of heat. Being the responsible adult everyone knew him to be, Ronald had only informed Julius of his friends’ arrival an hour before, and so now he found himself hurriedly preparing dinner. It’s a good thing that it was going to be a potluck, or else Julius’s frustration would’ve been a lot more verbal.

“Oi bruv, fuock me that smells amazing,” chimed Ron as he marched out of his room. He wandered over to the fridge and pulled out a can of cheap gas station beer, waving it in Julius’s peripheral vision. “Fancy a beer?”

“Next time you don’t inform me beforehand about your friends coming over, I’m just getting McDonalds for everyone,” Julius said. “You skinny English fu-”

“Ay, chill out bruv. They’re bringing board games over too! Apex Legends? Fortnite? Warzone? Those rubbish games you play nowadays can sod off.” Ron closed the fridge, and with a hiss of the can, took a fat swig of Oettinger and wandered to the adjacent living room.

“Sounds fun. Now let me focus or I’ll connect this pan to your face.”

The flatscreen flickers to life upon Ron’s command, and it’s displaying some football- I mean soccer- game. Arsenal FC, Chelsea, it was all the same to Julius. He found no interest in the sport, and was surprised at not just how Ron found it interesting but also how he was gullible enough to buy every single FIFA game since 2014. You could repackage his own clothes and gift them back to him on his birthday and he would lose his mind.

Julius remembered just how bad Ron was at judging time when the doorbell rang. As Ron groaned and stretched, a stray thought crossed Julius’s mind. “Hey. These guys are safe right? They’re not the kind of people who go out every night and party?”

“Pardon? Safe as in no ‘rona? Fret not my Aryan bastard, these are responsible chaps!” Ron strode to the front door and flung it open. “‘Ello wee cunts, you’re early! Come in lads, this is the Germanic lad I was telling you about!” The first guy to come in nearly hit his head on the doorway. He was a full head taller than Julius and towered above everyone else, his slick blond hair nearly touching the drywall ceiling. His distinctive high cheekbones, pale green eyes, and sharp features inevitably made Julius tense up. “Here’s the Swede. Lasse is his name, get along well.”

Lasse made eye contact with Julius, who froze and tightened his grip on the pan. But the towering Swede smiled. “Hello! Nice to meet you.” Julius could only nod and grunt in acknowledgement, and the Ikea chad walked off to the living room. He carried a duffel bag and set it down on the carpeted floor, unzipping it to reveal various contents; a D&D box, Jenga, and a Nintendo Switch.

“Ya fuockin donut, hurry up,” Ron shouted at another figure who slowly approached. The last guest was slightly taller than Julius, but god damn was he built like a grizzly bear. Julius estimated he tipped the scales at around 250 pounds or even more, and was visibly on the thicker side. He carried an entire YETI cooler in one of his tree trunk arms and a grocery bag in the other, and Julius quickly figured that while he was indeed an absolute unit, he was also definitely no limp-wristed mongrel. Ron gave him a hearty slap on the back. “Sven, here’s Julius, and Julius, Sven.” As Julius gyrated his wrist to flip the contents in the searing pan, he looked to the side and made direct eye contact with the wall of flesh standing before him. He had a prominent, scraggly beard, but made no sound and moved on to the living room in silence.

“What do you have in the cooler there?” Julius asked, out of curiosity. In response, the hulking Scandinavian dropped the cooler on the floor, invariably pissing off Julius’s and Ron’s downstairs neighbors. The white lid was flung open, and Sven reached inside and pulled out an ice-cold bottle of Corona. He set it down on the table, condensation dripping down its golden glass and pooling onto the table. Inside the grocery bag was their contribution to the potluck, Swedish meatballs with mashed potatoes and steamed green beans, which they had managed to cram inside a bunch of glass tupperware.

Ron was also turning very moist himself. He snatched the bottle and cradled it in his arms. “You mad Nordic bastard! How much beer did ya bring, lad? Are we getting absolutely hammered tonight?”

Julius turned off the stove fans and quickly plated the food, and brought it to the living room table. “Dinner is served. What did you guys bring? IKEA food?”

Ron popped the lid off one of the tupperware and took a whiff. “Oi plow me sideways bruv that smells delightful. May I?”

“Of course, help yourself,” Lasse nodded. “What did you make, Julius? It smells fantastic.”

“Just fried potatoes, carp, and sausage,” Julius said. He pulled up a seat as the dishes were distributed and as Sven slid bottles of Corona across the glass tabletop, leaving streaks of condensation droplets across its surface.

“Let’s dine in, lads,” Ron shouted over the sportscaster’s voice from the TV as he shouted about offsides, penalty shots, and other soccer drivel. “Now, you all recall that challenge I was telling you about?” “Assblaster.” Sven growled in a gruff voice. Julius choked on a meatball as he shoveled a spoonful of the Swedish cuisine into his mouth, suppressing a scoff.

“Right you are my good little Norse wanker. I’ve been doing some investigation on my end and… conjuring up, if you will, a potential list of autos we could check out.” Ron takes out his smartphone and loads up carwow. “Don’t be some nitpicky bastards now, this is absolute bottom-of-the-barrel rubbish that you wouldn’t even find in fuokin Manchester.”

Fraser Statesman HX Wagon


“Let’s start things off right,” Ron said with a smile as he went to his first bookmarked listing, a Fraser Statesman HX Wagon. “What’s this? Oh, cock. It 404’d on me. Moving on, I guess.”

Improper naming convention.

FM HiWay


“Our proper first one off the agenda,” said Ron enthusiastically. “A humble blue estate, the FM HiWay. Crunched some numbers and this is near our max budget.”

“I’ve heard about these,” Lasse said, covering his mouth with a napkin as he chewed. “The suspension is very stiff for a family car. My classmate’s cousin’s hairdresser has one, it’s not a very pleasant ride from what I’ve heard.”

Julius blinked in awe at the absurd anecdote. He then added his own thoughts. “Not a fan of the styling. It’s not bad but it’s very… uninspiring.”

“So I take it the FM HiWay can sod off, then. Very well! Moving on,” concluded Ron.

The FM HiWay has mediocre looks, which is somewhat of an eye-raiser by itself. Its very hard suspension is a red flag and unforgivable, since it tanks comfort. For a normal family car like this, progressive springs are ideal for their load bearing capacity and increased comfort. You’d also want a roll angle of 5-7 degrees for normal cars; any less than this is too stiff and sporty.

Menderson Casemate


“I think we could use a workvan,” proposed Ron. He pulled up the next listing he saved, a stubby white van with some visible wear and tear. “Menderson Casemate. Just a simple van. Anyone who knows their way around a spanner can fix this before supper. No bullshit. Very spacious. And I’m fancying the looks very much.”

“I like the exposed exhaust pipes!” commented Lasse. “It makes it look very, very American. My dad has a bigger one in this style. What do we think?”

“Are you kidding me?” scoffed Julius, crossing his arms. “Absolutely not. These things will kill you. Safety is non-existent, you might as well ride a scooter with no helmet in the middle of a blizzard. The brakes on this thing aren’t very effective as well. And the engine is a mess, 3200 cc for a V8? I know we’re looking at shitboxes. But we can do better.”

“Oh all right,” Ron groaned. “Bastard.”

We are a fan of the styling. It’s well-executed, and it’s one of the more unique-looking entries. But with 26.8 safety, it’s one of the deadliest cars considering that nearly everyone else has at least 40. Combined with a longer than average braking distance, terminal oversteer at higher speeds, and a stiff suspension, the Menderson Casemate will unfortunately be taken off their consideration list. In addition, the engine is very tiny for a V8, not to mention that 60 degree V8s are highly uncommon.

Aanholt Avantage


“I take it we aren’t keen on wild cards?” Ron asked.

“I would be if these were actually decent,” said Julius.

“Right, let’s see how you chaps like a more conventional car. May I suggest the Aanholt Avantage Touring TDI? Very clean looks and very economical. A well-rounded example of an automobile, if I do say so myself.”

“Nope,” Sven said.

“I’m with Sven,” added Julius. “Absolutely not. Get that off my screen.”

“Are you mad?” Ron dropped his phone on the table in frustration. “You picky little prick, what is it this time?”

“Read the title of the listing again.”

“What about it you cunt? Aanholt Avantage Touring TD… oh, cock.”

The front of this car is pretty good looking. The rear is kinda rushed. Overall, it’s not a bad vehicle in terms of aesthetics and engineering. But as stated in the rules, diesels are not allowed. Shame.

Kinden Mohave LBX


“During my prospecting, I’ve spotted this fine utility vehicle in the papers.” Ron turned his smartphone around and showed it to Julius, Lasse, and Sven, who was too busy chugging a Corona. “Spacious and rugged. I’m sure we can settle on this, boys! What do we say?”

Julius did some research online and found the specs. “1.8L inline four,” he began. “It’s turbocharged but it only has 89 fucking horsepower?” He grabs his fork and glares at Ron in frustration. “A goddamn 1985 Honda CRX makes more power from a smaller engine without a turbo! Who thought this was a good idea? Schweinehund! Stop giving us rubbish cars!”

“Oh, lord,” Lasse sighed. “My uncle runs a dispensary, and one of his regulars has one of these. Terrible ride quality, just terrible. It’s almost sport car-like, which is not at all right for a utility vehicle. The brakes are ineffective to the point where he has to drive ten car lengths behind the one in front of him in order to have enough space left when he brakes.”

89 horsepower from a turbocharged 1.8L inline 4? In 1989? Smaller engines make more power without a turbo. 4 psi is also a very low boost pressure that’s not really realistic. I understand the purpose of turbocharging an engine for fuel economy, but 1) this is not how you do it and 2) this wasn’t very common in the 80s; turbochargers were almost always used for power, not economy. You have extremely thin tires for what I am assuming is good fuel efficiency. However, tires are also important for braking, which your car doesn’t do well. The stopping distance from 62mph is 192 feet, the worst out of all entries received. Finally, the suspension is far too hard for a SUV like this. A roll angle of 2.8 degrees is almost supercar-tier; you’d want around 6-7.5 degrees. As stated earlier, progressive springs instead of standard springs would be ideal here.

GMI Augusta 1.8 Safari EFI


Swiping through some more listings, Ron stopped at a funky-looking brown wagon. “Let’s have some more faith in these cars, shall we lads? Ah, here’s a Frenchie. Well, maybe not, but it very much plays the part. A bit on the larger end of vehicles, so that extra space can be handy in a pinch. Plus, who doesn’t like these estates? Quite a rad ride, if I say so myself!”

“Absolutely not,” Julius declared. “It’s a late 70s, early 80s turbo car. This thing lags harder than my internet connection. It has awful fuel consumption for a turbocharged car. It’s expensive. And by the way, did I mention it’s turbocharged? Have you seen those memes and youtube videos about how damn unreliable these things are? I have more faith in a North Korean car at this point.”

Ron paused for a second, and did some quick Google searches on his phone. “Oh, cock. Well then, let’s move on, shall we?”

“Yes. Let’s.”

More turbocharged mishaps here. Flat 4 engines in Automation are the laggiest engine setups to turbocharge, and you’ve made it even worse by using a journal bearing one. It’s also a full aluminum engine, so what this means is that you have the lowest reliability ratings out of all the entries so far. Total running costs are also far too expensive for the inevitable money pit that this funky wagon will become.

Hinode Lucent Country Wagon


“Here’s a bit of an oddity from Japan. A woody? I reckon you’d like this, Lasse?” asked Ron.

“Ooh, indeed,” Lasse nodded with a smile. “American style, very popular in Sweden. The fact that it’s on a Japanese car is weird but very unique at the same time. I like it.”

“Maybe it will be spacious enough for us. How much is it?” Julius asked.

Ron continued to read through the listing, but saw an alternate price further down in the description. Turns out that the wrong one was displayed, and upon further research consisting of a heated phone call to the seller, he confirmed that the actual price was indeed outside of their maximum budget.

Not a bad-looking entry at all. The idea of a woody wagon from Japan is a highly unconventional one that I don’t mind myself. Unfortunately, according to the calculator, the final price is $270 over the maximum allowed budget. As we said multiple times, make sure that you’re using the most up-to-date version of the calculator.

Ibis Falcon GT


“Ooh, I really like this one! The green paint and stripes are really sporty!” Lasse didn’t hesitate to proclaim his affinity for this uniquely colored wagon. “And it looks like it has a pretty big engine too, 3 liters?”

“Are your eyes functioning properly you Swede bastard?” Julius hissed after taking a swig from his bottle of Corona. “Look past the paint of this abomination. It’s hideous. I won’t be caught dead driving this.”

“Right you are, Julie boy,” agreed Ron. “A’ve seen prettier, this is about as sightly as the damn loch ness out back. Think, Lasse! Surely your mum or some other lad you know has one of these?”

“Now that you mention it…” Lasse rubbed his temples a bit. “Yes, in fact, my primary school teacher had one. He had back problems within the end of the semester from how hard the suspension was.”

“Looks to be quite heavy on the quid as well,” added Ron. “Rubbish!”

We’ve said far too many times that this challenge is not about speed, and yet here we have a car with a suspension tune that’s akin to riding a radio flyer wagon on Russian roads. Total cost is uncomfortably high as well, and its subpar looks aren’t helping its case. The car is far too sporty for what they need.

Suisei Taka Aegis Economy Base Turbo


“Now this one’s a looker! Proper JDM innit? Why are the plates different on the front and rear? Must be a cock-up on the owner’s part,” commented Ron.

“I’ve heard about these,” said Julius as he crossed his arms. “The car is unusually low-spec for the engine. Drum brakes and a very basic interior would imply that it’s a fleet vehicle, but with such a high-tech engine it just doesn’t feel… right.”

“Oh, piss off!” Ron snorted. “It’s an estate, so it’ll be the perfect size for all of us! And that fuel economy-”

“I have to agree with Julius,” Lasse hesitantly agreed. “It feels a little... how do you say, shady? Almost as if it’s an aftermarket swap. I’m afraid we cannot trust it.”

“Are you mental? Absolutely not,” declared Ron. “We’re keeping this, and that’s that.”

“Hell no!” Julius barked, his German accent starting to leak out a bit more. “Scheisse! End of story!”

The Taka Aegis is one of the best-looking cars in the challenge. The engineering is just as well-done as the exterior; not fancy by any stretch of the imagination, but it gets the job done and is fitting for a base model sedan of the time. There’s also nothing inherently wrong with the engine as well; it’s a bit low on power, but maybe an economy-tuned turbocharged engine is more acceptable in the mid-90s. The main problem is the fact that this turbo engine is combined with this low-spec basic interior sedan; it just feels extremely minmax for fuel economy. A normally-aspirated engine would be a more sensible choice, as this turbocharged engine is probably more fitting for a higher non-base trim. For that reason it unfortunately can’t be considered.

Sisten Pacific EuroClassic


At this point, the four of them had worked their way through dinner. Ron and Julius popped open their second cold bottles and were currently bottoms-up chugging them silently as cheers erupted from whatever sports program was playing on the background in the television. Sven was on his fourth bottle and showed no signs of stopping. Meanwhile, Lasse was the only one in the room to not have touched a single drop of alcohol, and was indeed the odd one out with his glass of water.

“Thanks for the meal, Julius,” Lasse smiled. “Where did you get the meat from? It’s very good, I want to try cooking it myself.”

Julius set his bottle of beer down and responded with a prolonged groan, and rested his head in his open palms. Ron had sucked his bottle dry and slammed it down on the glass dining table, causing Lasse to twitch in surprise. “It’s ya fuckin mum’s fanny, them goddamn beef curtains are exquisite aren’t they lad?”

“Excuse me?” Lasse squinted in confusion. “What is that?”

“Ach…” Julius moaned. “Mein g… what if we tried another van? We could sleep inside and we wouldn’t have to buy tents.”

“Oh, Julius, my naivete Bavarian, you want to doze off in the same room as this drunkard over here?” Ron guffawed as he pointed to Sven, who burped loudly, startling Lasse and Julius. “Snores like a damn air raid siren. You’ll go mad in minutes. A van you say? Let’s check the classifieds once again.”

“My head feels like it’s splitting open,” Julius winced.

Ron tipsily scrolled through his phone, bouncing his right leg as he did so. Suddenly, he stopped scrolling and just stared at the listing before him. “My god. Lads… I’m gobsmacked!”

“What did you find?” Lasse inquired with interest.

Ron dropped his phone, and Julius swiped it up. He looked at the listing: Sisten Pacific Euroclassic. 1989. He felt his asshole pucker. “Mein gott, it’s beautiful!” he slurred in awe, then passed the phone to Lasse, who started beaming with excitement.

“These are becoming really popular in Sweden too! These classic American MPVs are very stylish and comfortable. There’s no doubt it’ll be perfect for a long road trip like this!”

Ron did some further research and number crunching. The excitement quickly ran from his face. “Oh… bollocks. Fuck me! We can’t do it.”

“Vhat? The hell not?”

“It’s four damn quid over the max budget.”

You hate to see it, but the Sisten Pacific is binned for being $4 over the maximum total cost budget.


Hirasawa Condor Tour


After Julius did his best to clean the dishes, the four college students migrated to the wooden coffee table in front of the TV and set up Lasse’s D&D game. As they started a new drunken campaign, Ron would occasionally check his phone for any new listings that popped up, as he had exhausted all of his saved ones. Julius was about halfway through his second bottle and could feel himself gradually losing his grip on reality. Ron was growing increasingly foul-mouthed and his accent was starting to leak more. Sven had already consumed an unknown amount of bottles but looked just fine, albeit slightly more aggressive. Lasse, being the designated driver, had yet to ingest a single drop of alcohol, and was starting to feel increasingly uncomfortable around three drunkards.

“How’s this sound mates, 1997 Hisara- Hiwrasa- Hiar- Hirasawuhhhhh… Condor? Oi fuck me, this one’s also another fine-loooking specimen. Quite posh too, golden badging? Wowee. What do we say?”

“Sven you fat bastard,” Julius snapped, “are you sitting on the D20? Move your ass over.”

Sven merely glanced at Julius in response and said nothing.

“Mein g- okay, I’m sorry! Sheesh.”

“These are really good vehicles,” Lasse pointed out. “Very roomy and spacious inside, very reliable and well-built. Also looks very cozy. Only thing is, these hold their value kinda well-”

“Oh, fuck off!” Ron shouted, upon re-reading the listing price. “This one’s also over budget. Next!”

This is incredibly well-designed, both in terms of aesthetics and mechanics. It would’ve been a very good contender if it wasn’t $217 over the maximum budget.

Virtus Tura 4x4 Titan


The night slowly soldiered on. Julius was on the floor, fast asleep.

“Did I stutter? Are you daft?” scolded Ron. “You’re a rubbish dungeon master! No matter what you do or say, I AM GOING INSIDE THE BROTHEL!”

“Okay, okay!” Lasse sighed. “You win. You enter the brothel.”

Ron took a quick sip of what was now his third bottle of Corona. “I approach the buxom receptionist and inquire about their wares.”

“I don’t think there were any receptionists in this time!” Lasse protested. “But anyway… god, I can’t believe I’m doing this… she tells you the wares are $500 per session.”

“That’s some bollocks if I’ve ever heard it. I’m rolling for a discount,” declared Ron. He grabbed the D20 and chucked it across the table.

“DC is 15,” Lasse added. Suddenly, Ron’s phone buzzed; another hot new car for sale in his area that wanted to meet him.

“Virtus Tura 4x4 Titan… what’s this, a little off-roader? Hey, Lasse, you know anything about these?”

“Of course,” Lasse responded. “The brakes aren’t very effective at all; I’ve actually driven one once. The pedal feels mushy, wasn’t very confidence-inspiring. These are also incredibly expensive for bodywork repairs since the panels are full aluminium, very unusual for a car like this. Suspension, like some other cars we’ve looked at before, is very stiff for an off-roader. I don’t recommend it.”

“I’ll take your word for it. By the way, what does the die say?”



Brakes are horrendous; 0 pad type? You’d be better off slowing down only through downshifts. Full aluminum body panels is not realistic for basically any car of this era that’s not super high performance. The engine is extremely oversquare, and for more utility-oriented vehicle like this you would want an undersquare engine for more torque. In addition, for two engines of the same displacement, the undersquare one will be lighter since the block is physically smaller. Despite the car being too off-road oriented, the roll angle is extremely low at 5.1 degrees.

Albula Emotiva l’esercito


D&D fell out of fashion with the three left standing. With the help of Sven, Julius was moved onto his bed so he wouldn’t catch a cold. Lasse hooked up his Nintendo Switch to the TV and loaded in Super Smash Bros Ultimate.


Ron chortled as he mashed Ness’s neutral special, trapping Sven (who was playing as King K. Rool) in fire. His phone buzzed once more, and the game was paused as Ron checked his notifications: an army green Albula Emotiva l’esercito, apparently a decommissioned ambulance. “It’s got quite a face only a mum could love,” Ron remarked with a chuckle. “Does this ring a bell to you, Lasse?”

“Yes, it sure does. This vehicle will be rough on you; it has a very rough ride even though it has independent rear suspension, which is odd for a van like this. The front and rear tire widths are not consistent, so it’ll be expensive if we have to replace them... or when we have to. And it also doesn’t stop good.”

“What the bloody hell is going on with these autos? I swear the last five ones all ride like those knackered shopping trollies at Tesco. I realize we have a supremely low budget, but even these are too clapped out to be of any good to us.”

Independent rear suspension is pretty unusual for a work van like this. The roll angle is also super low at 3.6 degrees, which is too stiff and tanks comfort. Staggered tires sharply increase service costs because you can’t do tire rotations. The long braking distance is bound to result in some dangerous situations down the line, and lastly, the styling is odd and uncanny.

BT Motors Panthera EH


It was now Lasse’s turn to 1v1 Ron in Smash, the latter of whom was severely getting his ass kicked. As he found out, PK Fire spam was easily countered by a more experienced player and he got BTFO with Lasse only losing one life. “Ok, ok, I see you, you smug bastard,” Ron snarled. “How about you switch off that goddamn broken character and we settle this like real gentlemen? Ganondorf 1v1. Go.”

“Sure thing,” Lasse smirked. “That still probably won’t save you.”

“Shut up! Wait. Another one.” Carwow was opened up once again. Ron’s eyes settled on a maroon wagon, a pretty good-looking one for that matter. “Sven, you’ll like this one. It’s maroon, a BT Motors Panthera. And it’s an estate! Wonderful lads, wonderful. I don’t want to hear so much as a peep from any one of your mouths. Enough bickering and bitching. We’re getting this beaut.”

“Ah, another aluminium-bodied car,” Lasse remarked. “Bodywork repairs will be very expensive on these, but they’re lightweight because of that. In addition, this is a very well-built car. Engine is more finicky, but compared to the last few ones this one looks solid.”

“Fuck me! Oh, you can’t be serious,” Ron whined.

“What is it now?”

“It’s… it’s two Euros over the maximum limit. Come on, ASSBLASTER has to let us off the hook for this one! What do you say bruv? It’s right there.”

“I’m sorry, Ron. But rules are rules.”

It’s very unfortunate, but rules are rules. The BT Motors Panthera EH is $1.91 over the maximum budget. In addition, full aluminum body panels are not realistic for this era, at least for a car like this.

Hakumai Furcio


Ron was ticked off. Very pissed. A combination of him getting his cheeks clapped by Lasse in that last 1v1 Ganondorf round in Smash, Panthera estate being ineligible for ASSBLASTER, and four bottles of Corona had filled him with indescribable rage. Lasse was still basking in his glory as he now played against Sven, who was getting visibly heated as well.

“What’s next? What in the bloody hell is this thing?” Ron could picture Lasse going on tangents about this one. What would it be this time? Hard suspension? Brakes worse than a three-year old on roller skates? The looks alone weren’t helping much. But he didn’t have to do much searching to find out more about this particular car. A very advanced engine with both variable valve lift and a turbo would undoubtedly be a hassle to fix later. The tires were once again staggered despite being a front-wheel drive car. And like basically every other car before this one, the suspension tune wasn’t optimal for a comfortable ride, with a roll angle of four degrees. Ron closed the tab in silence.

The engine cuts power off at redline, which is never ideal. A combination of VVL and turbocharging is extremely advanced for 1999 and also not ideal for a challenge like this at all. Not all of the octane is being used up as well; you had over one full unit left. The comfort is low, and negative quality on the transmission and suspension doesn’t make it any better. Speaking about the suspension, it’s also very hard, just like many other cars in this competition. Staggered tires, like I mentioned earlier, make tire servicing more of a nightmare, and it’s just straight up weird on this car; the front tires are only 5mm wider than the rear ones. It’s also weak in the looks department, but hey, it’s all about the personality isn’t it?

Hudson Matterhorn


At around half past 1:00 AM, Sven had dozed off and was snoring so damn loud that Lasse and Ron had to move into another room. They had precariously set up a Jenga tower as their last resort for entertainment. Lasse slowly crawled around the entire structure, studying where to make his next move. Ron was intoxicated out of his ass and could barely sit upright without struggling.

“We didn’t get much done today, did we?” Lasse asked. “We haven’t settled on a vehicle yet. So far, everything that’s come up is either out of our budget or just not very good in general.”

“One… last one,” Ron slurred. “This shit’s getting so damn discouraging, bruv. I’m going mad.”

“Don’t worry, dude, we still have time. You’re right, we’ll call it a night after this and come back to car shopping tomorrow. Er… in a few hours.”

“Right. One… more.” The smartphone screen was like staring directly into the sun, and Ron instinctively turned down his screen’s brightness. He refreshed the carwow app and scrolled through the listings one last time for the night. Sixteenth time’s the charm, perhaps? As Lasse pinched his index finger and thumb on a block and quickly extracted it, Ron settled on a grayish SUV. He was too wasted to bother pronouncing his name, so he just slid the phone over to Lasse. It struck the Jenga tower and instantly collapsed it. “Ohhhhhfuck”

“Eh, whatever, I was getting bored anyways,” shrugged Lasse, picking up the phone. “What do we have here? Ohhhh boy. This one’s a no-go. They had failing brakes from the factory. I guess it won’t matter much because this thing is also really underpowered, but once you eventually get up to speed you’ll run into the terminal oversteer issues this thing is notorious for. And it’s also a rough ride.”


The brakes are almost nonexistent; there’s 2.7% drivability fade and it takes them 220.9 feet to bring the vehicle to a complete stop. The engine doesn’t make much power for its size. Terminal oversteer is also a very severe issue, which makes this car essentially undrivable. In addition, the suspension is stiff for an SUV like this.

After that, Ron crawled onto his bed and passed out. Sven was still out cold and couldn't be moved or stirred from his sleep, so Lasse had no choice but to leave him at the apartment and drive home alone.

To be continued.


16 ineligible cars?! That’s an awful lot of stuff to cut! It was for the right reasons, though. Some were just too expensive, others weren’t but turned out to be substandard under the skin, and there were a few that suffered from both. At least I am relieved to find out that my car is not on the bin list… Yet.


“What’s next? What in the bloody hell is this thing?” Ron could picture Lasse going on tangents about this one. What would it be this time? Hard suspension? Brakes worse than a three-year old on roller skates? The looks alone weren’t helping much. But he didn’t have to do much searching to find out more about this particular car. A very advanced engine with both variable valve lift and a turbo would undoubtedly be a hassle to fix later"

Very much the best CSR Quote i ever seen, Well unfortunately for me i got the BIN.


I Was originally going to use the NA Version of that engine with Invariable Valve Timing, totally not a parody of Rockstar’s Dinka Blista Classic engine


aw shit
welp guess it too late now see yall next time
least wanna know if mine was realistic or not, since thats what alot of the other bins suffered from

also what did i fuck up on the naming? need to know for future round

edit: nvm i fucked up the engine family
forgot to rename after i had to switch to an i4 for cost reasons


Can’t wait for the next round, great job guys!