2009 BlandMobile Challenge. (SHORT DEADLINE)

[Djadania]

2009 Blandmobile Challenge

Welcome to the the Blandmobile challenge! In this challenge you will try to create an incredibly bland or/and generic car from 2009. Try to really make your car like this, will be explained later.

RULES:

Rule 1: This is not a knockoff challenge. Try to get some inspiration from real cars and blend them together to make the most boring generic and/or bland car. If you just recreate a real car, you will do very badly in styling. Styling is out of 10.

Rule 2: The only body styles allowed are: Sedans – Hatchbacks – SUVs – MPVs. Your car must also have a wheelbase that is at least 2.7 meters long. The car also must have at least 4 FULL seats.

Rule 3: The minimum engine size is 2.5 liters. The maximum engine size is 4 liters. The engine loudness can also not be over 35. The fuel must be 91 unleaded. Also, turbochargers are completely banned.

Rule 4: AWD is banned. 4X4, RWD and FWD are all allowed though.

Rule 5: The car must have an automatic. Not an ADV. Automatic, only automatic.

Rule 6: The car must be road legal/fit with the car. (At least 2000s Advanced safety, at least Standard Seats and Entertainment, at least TC + ABS, power steering, no carburetors, catalytic converter etc.)

Rule 7: Comfort rating (In automation) must be above 20.

Rule 8: The price limit is 30k. To make sure you can’t mess around too much, the quality limits for everything are: -1 lowest and +1 highest.

Rule 9: Hard long life tires are forced.

Rule 10: No VVL. This is because we don’t want fast-revving engines.

Rule 11: At least 25 mpg. (US MPG, sorry for not knowing that there was a difference.)

Rule 12: Only front-engined designs are allowed

2 entrants per person are allowed. (You can enter 2 if you want but you don’t need to.)

RECOMMENDATIONS:

Try to make your car look boring. Imagine something that your ex-racing driver grandpa would drive. Boring but still relatively fast.

Giving your car a good name could unconsciously give you a higher style rating. Try it out.

Make your car an all-rounder, because we are not just staying on road.

The deadline for this challenge is the 19th of December at 12pm pst. It will be streamed at 1:30pm pst on the Brad_The_Inhaler twitch. We know this is short, but as Brad_The_Inhaler is going on vacation we can’t do anything else. Please send the cars privately to @Djadania in the Brad_The_Inhaler discord so he can rulecheck the cars. Brad The Inhalers 420 LifeGame

[Djadania]

If you have any questions, remember to ask them.

[Madrias]

Could I send the car in by PM here on the Discourse forum instead? It’s just easier for me.

Other than that, I think I can come up with something suitably bland. 2009’s a hard year for my design language, but… I’ll come up with something.

[Djadania]

Sure, go ahead and send it on the Discourse. Im fine with it. I do prefer discord but Discourse is good too.

[Madrias]

Found in the trash-can in Luke Sinistra’s office, just after telling the employee who wrote it to go clean out his desk and leave the property.

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So, you’ve just turned 65 and you’re looking forward to retirement? We’ve got the perfect car for you at Sinistra Motors. Meet your new car!

This is the new-for-2009 Sinistra Traville GL-3900. It screams, “I’ve retired, and I’m someone who doesn’t care about what I drive.” Painted in Sinistra’s classic “Frost White” only because “‘I Can’t Find My Car In The F—ing Parking Lot’ White” was already taken by Bricksley American Motor Vehicles.

Because we know you’re getting older, we’ve given this car plenty of things to call back to your youth. There’s a nice 5 speed automatic designed to feel like the classic 3 speed you probably had as a teenager. The radio is a simple four-speaker system with knobs and buttons because “technology is too hard.” It’s front-wheel-drive like all Sinistra Motors vehicles from 1951 onwards, using our trusty Sidewinder transverse-transaxle technology, guaranteed to break down 15,000 miles past the warranty, not that you’ll be the one worrying about that.

We’ve paired that Sidewinder transaxle with the Sinistra 3.9L V6 Sidewinder LC engine. Because we know you’ll do most of your driving by idling around in first gear, confused about where you’re going, we decided not to bother putting the VVL system in. We’ve given you 140 horsepower, even though you’ll never actually use it, and muffled up the engine so that you can still hear everyone else’s noisy rap music even with your hearing aids turned off.

The interior is a mix of classic plastic, Beige cloth, and our patented Rental Gray cloth. This is for your comfort, because you should be able to drive off into the sunset in “style” as you run over the curbs and drive on the sidewalk to get to the golf course. We’ve installed a rear-view reverse camera, not that you’ll ever use it. However, everyone else will appreciate that your insurance company will have hard evidence against you for driving by Braille. Unfortunately for the rest of the world, backup beepers are only optional equipment.

So, come on down to your local Sinistra dealership and throw down $29,100 for the Traville GL-3900. It’ll outlive your ability to drive, and your grand-son or grand-daughter will hate you for it when they inherit this car on their 16th birthday. What a great bargain, a car for two people at the price of one! Plus, at least your grand-child will be able to live in the spacious back-seat after they get their degree in Fine Art at the local community college.

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(OOC: Yes, this is meant to be 100% satire. It’s from the perspective of a disgruntled employee who had to make an “exciting” ad for the '09 Sinistra Traville. In lore, the Traville is favored by older people looking for a good car at a decent price, but not looking for something sporty. Unfortunately, that’s given the Traville a reputation as an “old man car” and, as one could imagine, someone given the task of marketing this un-sporty blob to the masses just sort of… snapped. Consider this someone’s resignation letter, because shortly after it crossed Luke’s desk, someone left the company permanently. Also, while internally, the gray cloth is called “Rental Gray” around Sinistra Motors, it is never supposed to be called that in front of potential customers. There, it’s always recommended to call it “Sinistra Mid-Gray” or “Carpet Gray.” And yes, Bricksley does have a color called “I Can’t Find My Car In The Parking Lot White.” It does not, however, contain profanity. It’s exclusively used on rental cars.)

[Djadania]

I’ll probably show brad this because this is great!

[stm316]

This is strangely appealing

[Djadania]

Hello guys, i made a tiny mistake. I didnt know that there was a difference between UK and US mpg. I’ll count your car legal if you entered it before i change the rules but i do suggest that you do change it to the correct MPG. Otherwise i might handicap your car.

[Madrias]

So… I’ve just test driven my Traville in Beam, and oh-god it is mean. If you turn the ESC off and try to 1-2-Drive it, it’ll punish you for trying to be sporty and drop you into 4th gear. Then realize it doesn’t have the power for driving out of that with the pedal down, and shift back to third.

On the plus side, it’s very predictable and easy to drive. I can throw it around with the keyboard just fine.

[AndiD]

(OOC1: Bland cars? Oh, I got plenty of those - my specialty, in fact! How about a sedan (and canon) variant of the car that had scored a whopping 14th place in the Autobeam Champtionship Season 10 Round 1 Aesthetics Competition, and has been called a relic in a past CSR submission?)

2009 Mara Kavaler Mk3 AMM 4.0

When the design documents for the third generation Mara Kavaler were finalised in the early 2000s, it became obvious that the beancounters had won against the traditionalists. Gone was the longitudinal FR layout of the previous two generations and instead there was a now a cost-saving transverse FF layout with a MacPherson strut in the front - essentially the same as one could find in the compact bread-and-butter Zvezda.

However, the Mk3 Kavaler at least received a multilink rear suspension - primarily for the added load capacity for the popular wagon, but it had the side effect of course to give it decent handling as well.

The Mk3 Kavaler (on the right) had virtually nothing in common with the now 10 year old Mk2 Kavaler (on the left)…

The new FF architecture was fine for the all-new standard 2.0l I4 12V engine (‘Horyzont’), but proved to be a bit of a challenge for the higher-spec V8 - which was in best Mara tradition again to be two Horyzont I4 blocks bolted together. To leave enough room for servicing (and AMM tuning shenanigans) transversely mounted, they had to make it a 60 degree engine. Otherwise, both versions of the Horyzont engine family carried forward the 3V SOHC architecture from the now proven 3 cylinder Troika engine.

… except that the AMM versions again were essentially sleepers in appearance, only to be distinguished by a dual exhaust and some very modest bodywork changes for aerodynamics and the front wheels.

To avoid too much torque steer, AMM for the first time offered two performance versions. One was a lower-spec ~200 hp V8 FWD version (pictured above) that built upon the equipment to be found in the base Kavaler (so no fancy suspension electronics for you). Here, AMM copped some flak for not even replacing the base model’s 5-speed slushbox which led to the odd experience of “turbo lag without a turbo, even with traction control switched off”, as one famous Archanan car journalist put it.

The other version was a no-holds-barred 350+ hp AWD Supersport version (not pictured) in best AMM tradition with more premium equipment and less compromises. Interestingly, both AMM versions shared the same base engine block, just with different parts and vastly different tunes. Only the higher spec version got AMM’s signature yellow colour; the lower-spec version had to make due with regular Kavaler colours, including lunchtray grey as pictured above.

(OOC2: First, I felt a bit silly going in serious after Madrias’ brilliant satire post. But then again, it shows nicely where the two brands (and the persons behind them) are at at the moment lore and price-wise AND I took it as an opportunity to flesh out some Kavaler Mk3 lore - one of the last missing canon pieces.)

[Fletchyboy100]

Stand Out In The Nursing Home Car Park

**Mercian 35 Executive **

With it’s over-designed front end and 2.5L V6, it is sure to be the only car to wow those elderly residents at the care home!

[DuceTheTruth100]

So no catalytic converters?

[abg7]

@Fletchyboy100

2.5L V6

A V6 of that size was quite rare in 2009 - most V6 engines back then had around 3 litres of displacement at minimum.

[Sky99]

Now Presenting, Two Absolutely Average Cars.
The Einwagen Kuruma, and the Einwagen Densha by Etherea Motors

The Einwagen Kuruma does everything a sedan needs to do. It carries human passengers (despite the fact that the Ethereans have not figured out how to make interiors for humans), it carries luggage, it is reasonably comfortable and gets ok mpg. It also displaces 2.5 liters of naturally aspirated power. There does not appear to be much about the car that sticks out. Aside from a few peculiar features.

The Densha on the other hand is a Kuruma in wagon form. It carries more luggage, and is reasonably comfortable and gets ok mpg. It displaces 3.9 liters rather than the 2.5 found in the Kuruma.

Detailed specs? This time round Etherea Motors is a bit hesitant to share. They did gain some power outside of the more Hostile Etherean atmosphere however. Earth’s atmosphere has been kind to the Einwagens.

Driving tips? Turn traction control to sport or fully off, mash the throttle, profit. Will do handbrake turns easily. The Ethereans tried to tailor this car towards an easygoing driving style.

Note these cars are actually tame, fire-breathing monsters. You’ll see what we mean.

*edit - the Densha was binned because of the body style, so only the Kuruma is left. Djadania and I agreed it was probably for the best though. Grandpa would have soiled himself trying to drive it.

[Djadania]

Must have catalytic converters, sorry for the weird wording

[Djadania]

Alright, as we are getting a lot of entrants i have 2 options for what we can do.
1: We do the whole challenge on friday with around 3 races/tracks.
2: We do exactly the same but then after brads vacation we have a round 2. If any of you want option 2 lets discuss.

[oppositelock]

[DuceTheTruth100]

Wells Entra

Keeping things SIMPLE.

SL and base model shown.

[SheikhMansour]

Oryu Marion V6 Sport. All the pretensions of a sports car, with none of the sacrifices to actual sportiness.

[Ananas]

Noctua Marinara SV6

Ok, so I couldn’t help but put a little bit of seasoning on the front end styling. But this tomato red warm hatchback doesn’t require picante reflexes to drive. A neat thing about it, is that when you visit your grandkids they will be reminded that you used to rally. And when you get home you can park it facing your living room window in case you need to remind yourself.