ON THE EIGHTH DAY, GOD CREATED CALVINATOR
and it was funny as hell
CONTEXT
Missing out on stuff sucks, and I genuinely feel that way with the legend of CNCharger. You see, CNC is now a legend of hilarity and what not to do when making a car. He was banned years ago, but still is funny as hell today. He was a lolcow in the truest sense, an absolute laughing stock who demanded to be taking seriously. His lore for his car company “Calvinator” is in the history books of unintentional genius. If you have not read upon these sacred texts that his incredible mind developed at that incredible time, I highly reccomend it, especially if you need a good laugh:
Additional Reading
My favorites:
2019 Calvinator Super Wagon
Calvinator Auto Corp
MUSCLE CAR CHALLENGE (CLOSED for Judgment) - #115 by JohnWaldock
CNC was banned roughly 2 years ago, BUT, what if I were to tell you he’s still not only alive but still making cars? Well, through some great help from this wonderful community, I was able to find his most recent creation; it was made this month! My current goal is to review this car and to then improve it to make it actually sensible while roughly being the same car. Anyway, with this out of the way, lets get to some of the good shit.
THE CAR
This is the CRM Warrior. Yes, it’s not TECHNICALLY a calvinator but its by the same guy and (as you will see) has a somewhat familiar feel to it, so I say close enough.
Anyway, this is what it looks like:
I’ll let you form your own opinions on how it looks, I’ve seen worse but I’ve also seen better.
The lore of this car is simple; its basically a Dodge Demon for 2020 made by CNC. Because its made by CNC, its even more absurd than a Demon; this thing has 1720.5 hp.
The powertrain is a 6L twin turbo 90 degree crossplane V8, but that’s not the necessarily ridiculous part. The ridiculous part is:
A. How the turbos are tuned
B. How the engine in general is tuned
C. Some more stuff you’ll see later on
I will go on in detail when I fix the car, but just know for now that the powerband looks like this:
Yes, that’s a 9700 RPM redline. And yes, that’s a lot of turbo lag.
Another thing to note is that every single thing in this car has +3 quality, including all of the engine. Because of this the ET is not exactly low, its 242.2 for the engine and 270.7 as of the current stable version.
Whats also worth noting is that this car is not necessarily like a demon in that this is lore-wise the only trim CNC claims exist of this model. In other words, this chassis is exclusive to this car, hence the pushrod rear suspension (Which yes, is also +3 quality).
There are also a plethora of other issues; the aero settings is at 0 cooling for the engine itself and 100 cooling for the brakes. But even with this, because CNC made the discs rotor size quite small, it still has 10.9% sportiness brake fade.
These are the main things that trouble this car, but they are not the only ones. There are a few more but frankly they aren’t nearly as weird as these offenses.
Overall, I’d say the Warrior is not as bad as Calvinator past, but it still has some glaring issues that really make it silly. The ET is silly, some of the engineering choices are silly, and it goes on and on.
And so that’s the initial car that CNC has blessed us with, a beauty in true form. I will now do my very best to “Fix” this car in whatever way I can. I will post it when I’m done.
)