16 Likes
2008 AutomanSchport Aveanto
Is it a car?
It indeed is a car.Does it schport?
It has a turbo engine and a bodykit, of course it can into schport.Is it easy to drive?
We tested it using monkeys. They could drive it easily.Is it eco?
It's an inline 3, of course it's eco!
12 Likes
Are you interested in 90’s nostalgia? What’s that? You do? Well here’s the perfect car for you! the car I’m showing you today is the 1995 Buck Albatross, the perfect car for you! It packs a V8 under the hood for all your driving needs! For sale now at a local dealer for €3,917 ($4390)
Full disclosure, I am actually a professional mechanic. I don’t know if this is cheating, but I have taken this lemon party (do NOT Google that) of a CSR to vent my opinions on car idiots. I mean in-jinn-eers. No, idiots sounds better.
I shall place any meta statements (what I shall politely call jokes) in italics, that means I have made a sarcastic reference to a real manufacturer. Now on to the advert:
New for 2008 PMC has partnered with Sanand motors of India to import the Parivahan. With the newly re designed Wyvern L3 with the now standard 17S09 tuning set, drivers get a brisk 118HP and 31.7 combined MPG under the VW-AG emissions protocol. Power is delivered more efficiently that ever with the ShiftPower double clutch manu-matic. Available with the smooth shifting 14M01 calibration, or the surprising acceleration of the 14M02 calibration there is a shift tuning for every driver. Ask your dealer for details.
OK, this is sounding too clunky. Seriously I feel like “Uncle Buddy” squeezing out puns. I’ll just meta the rest, it has the rear axle of an Windstar (NHTSA 10V385000), the brake calipers off an Impala (NHTSA 18V576), the cab of Subaru Ascent (NHTSA 18V-508), and the steering of a Santa Fe (NHTSA 18V118000). I could absolutely keep going, but I feel I made my point. New cars are inexcusably horrible. I am resisting the urge to break out my soap box, so in the interest of avoiding a tirade I will end here. Enjoy this shiny new death trap.
The 2008 (Imported for) PMC “Parivahan”
Parivahan, go places.
5 Likes
Translation:
Mondo EB5 X.
Xpress Yourself.
Make the Youth Swear.
The Mondo EB5 X is the perfect companion for the burgeoning youth. Its practical size, sporty appearance, ample power, extensive features, and ease of maintenance, are guaranteed to impress young men and women alike to the point of swearing.
Expressive Styling.
The Mondo EB5 X is equipped as standard with the SportStyle Body Kit, giving it a more athletic and aggressive look than any other Mondo EB5 trim. The new large lower grille is molded with sharp curving angles, creating an air of performance. Aerodynamic features, such as the rear diffuser, spoiler, and front lip, are present to increase driving performance and support the sporty aesthetic. The rims are accented to create a sense of hierarchy towards the wheels, referring to the performance behind it.
Stunning Performance.
As the Sport Trim in the Mondo EB5 model, the Mondo EB5 X comes with powerful performance equipment. The 2.0 litre, direct injected 4-cylinder engine, turbocharged for maximum power and efficiency, ensures the Mondo EB5 X is a fast one off the line.
Features:
- Power Steering
- Air Conditioner
- Gear Lever
- Power Window
- Glove Box
- Safety Belt
- Front Wheel Drive
- Front Airbag
12 Likes
Reduit Automotive GSR9 - CSR Anniversary Edition
Long story… but basically the car was finished and the CEO locked the shed before going to Norway for “research purposes”… so we didn’t have time to make an advertisement… or to see if the Lada engine we borrowed actually works… looks nice though…
Oui
11 Likes
BM Bismol
You can tell why it’s named that, but with a staggering 2.1L/100km highway consumption*, who cares?
Ample room to seat 3 in relative comfort, an advanced all aluminium construction to make sure you’re friends with the local body shop, it’s too simple to break but good luck changing the spark plugs! Perfect for a new driver because lets be honest you’ll be getting all the work done at the garage anyway so what do you care?
*At 56mph, 3.1L/100km combined average
8 Likes
The 2008 Kinusoka Chisana Eko.
This Car Is A Collaboration Between @Boiled_Steak and @Centurion_23.
9 Likes
Deadline is in about 4 hours!
5 Likes
It’s “a Bismol”? 
Hansheng Feixu
This is the first foray of the Chinese company Hansheng into the European market. This means you can be a trendsetter on the cheap for buying one of the first cars from China to be sold in Europe. 81 horsepower should be adequate for anyone’s needs, and it seats four in comfort because if it seated five they wouldn’t be in comfort. Ease of service is another bonus especially when you’re buying from a company that doesn’t have an established dealer and service network in the market. And it has a style all its own! Yours for less than what you’d expect a first vehicle sold from a country that’s never sold in the market before!
8 Likes
And cue the panicked flurry of last second entries. These are going to be some great (funny) reviews.
AND THAT'S IT! DEADLINE HAS PASSED!
Further entries are NOT accepted anymore.
Part one of the writeup will follow within the next 24 hours.
7 Likes
Introducing the 2008 Letto Battere, powered by the mid mounted AlSiI3LE-17E engine it makes 70.8HP@4900RPM & 94.7 Lb-Ft@2400RPM, with a weight of 2400Lbs it’s 4 speed manual can get it from 0-100KM/H in 13.5 seconds with a fuel economy of 6.8L/100KM, this little eco beast can be yours for just $10510:
More Pics & link to car if someone wants to check it out
CSR 100 - LordLetto - Battere.car (29.2 KB)
Edit: Welp, Will not be judged, Submitted car in time but no ad & because the ad was posted after the deadline it doesn’t count, so I’m already out.
2 Likes
Good Timing… Open Beta just got borked 
ROUND 1
Justus immediately went ahead doing research on which cars are actually out there.
After almost 4 hours of work, he has collected a number of cars which potentially fit the deal, but as Peter is mostly a dumbfuck regarding cars, he’ll have to narrow it down a bit to not have Peter choose a car that actually is good.
Tanaka Osaka 1.3T
What a punchy little fucker we have here…
Actually looks good, until you walk around it, but eh. 129hp is a real good seller here. Plus being seemingly schport oriented, i cannot be all that comfy. Good. And 170/65 R16?? NO WAY is he gonna be able to replace those! But it does sipp little fuel… We’ll see about this one in a bit…
considered, then binned
Huangdou Huixing XL 1.8Cu+ Tech Package Trek Package Five Star Edition
OOhhh… It’s that one chinese brand that makes not-totally terrible cars. It looks GREAT! For a chinese minivan, that is. some research typing It apparently has not much of an interior. Or brakes. Or safety tech. What isn’t there does not need to be serviced, though…
I might even consider it for myself since it also is dirt cheap and thus potentially great value.
binned
Basilio Tredici. Let me see… some research later
Apparently a fairly warm hatch with italian reliability and complexity. And crappy fuel eco. But the car itself seems to be very worth the drawbacks. The idea is actually good. Make a good car hella expensive to own and fuck Peter over financially. Me likey.
considered
Next one up is the Shromet Parvus RC. Okay… Bare-bones interior with what seems like a normal-ish stereo… aaandd… that’s pretty much it. Yeah not gonna take this one over to Peter. I’ll have a look at this for myself tho.
binned
Hooray? Another whatever-asian-country-it-comes-from car. So. People say it has LOW reliability and high-ish servicing bills. Add to that the decent looks and supposedly great comfort (somehow), this might very well be the fuck-it-all car for Peter.
considered
@MasterDoggo
The GEM Coolsport… fairly lackluster in almost every way. Real kicker is the horrendous fuel eco and the fact of it being fairly good to look at. Should be cheap enough to run to get this thing through to Peter. I’ll see what he thinks of it. Thing is: not having reverse lights is illegal AFAIK…
binned for not having reverse lights (i know that was not directly in the rules, but reverse lights should be common knowledge in any country by 2008)
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WITH ALL THOSE ASIAN THINGS??
Okay… calm… Yong Nano ST. Seems to follow a very similar approach to the GEM Coolsport. But with FAR lower running costs in general, but also FAR lower reliability… Plus, it is arguably better looking. At least for me, that is. I’ll take it and see what Peter thinks of it.
considered
Erm… the design itself is already…
runs to bathroom… BLUAAAARRRGHHH
EeeeEhehhEhh… No.
binned
https://i.imgur.com/SEBja72.png
The Taught Apri… wait… Theaught Aprixas. Wut? So… erm… what i like about this car is… erm… it being a PeopleCar-like diesel in emissions? Otherwise it is very “meh”.
binned
@F12OM
Wait… are they even advertising the right car here?
The ad says “2008 Permata Aspire E sedan”, but if i visit their website, the car that at least looks the same suddenly becomes the “Aspire E Turbo”. What is it now? Looking at it, it is actually a well-crafteed car… maaybe too well-made for what i am trying here…
binned
So. chuckles Tengu Wunderbar… what a name hehee. What could fuck Peter over…
we have… a very questionable engine torque curve… a very mundane yet for whatever reason incredibly comfy interior… Miniscule running costs…
a bit of a thinking pause
naaahh… another one of those “too good for a bad car” cars.
binned
https://i.imgur.com/uUIPYXc.png
Opti-italian-whatever-stuff… What do we have here… 290hp!?!? What?? Peter is deffo not looking for a hot hatch! But i kinda wanna see where this is going since it supposedly unreliable as fuck and terribly expensive in servicing. Maybe i can interest him into the actual fun of driving…
considered
Another asian turd-mobile. It apparently has a horrible moose test result, just plowing straight with little reaction. Plus it chuggs a lotta fuel and isn’t the most reliable thing in the world. But i don’t want to actively kill Peter since he might sue me… Gonna steer… wait: plow this into the wall then…
binned
First off. Imma NOT try to pronounce this abomination of a name. Second. The engine seems like a very poorly executed Zenshi knockoff based on the name. Third. This car seems to be actively trying to just scrape past every possible bit of the law wherever possible. Funny thing is that it is the second car missing reversers already.
binned
Whoah… 80s Vaporwave called. They want their ad back lol. Anyway… it has about as good of a moose test result as that 90s looking Korean Motors thing, but the other way around, making it even worse. Plus it being expensive as fuck does not help either. I do want to fuck him over, but to a degree where he does not immediately notice…
binned
sees ad.
WHO SENT A WANNABE SPORTS CAR??
calls Reduit Automotive
Employee: [heavy indian accent] Reduit Automotive customer service, this is Steve, how can i help you?
Justus: How the fuck did you dare to advertise this sports car thing as a city shitbox?
Steve: I’m sorry. The ads are sent automatically and i cannot control it.
Did i answer your questions satisfactory and in a timely manner?
Justus: NO… but thanks anyway
beep beep beep
binned
Seems like in this case, someont took the Nohda EV1, slapped an ICE into it and called it the BM Bismol. It doesn’t really have anything going for it. Not for me at least.
binned
Oh look! A hippo! Nothing particularly special engineering wise… There is nothing which is painfully obvious as of yet… Fairly mediocre pretty much everywhere.
Might give this a go if it wouldn’t look like a hippo.
binned
@Ezdmm
Another one bites the dust comes from asia. The Mondo EB5 X tries to be a hot-ish hatch. With fairly little success according to what i could find based on customer reports… But it does employ those 170mm tyres as seen on the Tanaka… they might become too common to be overpriced… Plus, he almost certainly would notice it, now that i really think of it.
binned
Eehhhh…
has to fight the urge to puke again (successfully)
oof… So. A car without a trunk is called a rickshaw. and a rickshaw with a DCT is still not a car. And since Peter at least wants a functional car, this won’t be it.
binned
To be honest… i’m kinda sick of all those asian cars here… but anyway, i won’t be looking at most of those agai, sooo… The Kinosuka Chisana. Only really bad thing supposedly is reliability. And we have another contender without reverse lights. Great.
binned
Okay.
Lemme read reviews first.
some reading; he finds out that this car is barely legal in almost every possible way
No.
looks at pic in ad
BIG no.
binned
Oh. OOOHHH. I like this one. Reports say that it is actually a fairly capable car, but it has reliability issues and costly bills for servicing. Plus it looks really pleasing in my opinion. This thing will break down fairly early in it’s lifetime and kill his budget lol.
considered
The Bechov YK90 seems to be one of those leisure offroad SUV thingys. It has a 1.9L straight three and terrible fit an finish everywhere. To no surprise the reliability reports reflect this with horrible scores.
It will be easy to park, though.
binned
a few minutes later on the phone with Peter…
P: Hallo?
J: Hi. Justus here. i managed to get some cars together.
P: really?
J: Yeah. Five in total, i can arrange test drives if wanted for that “surprise effect”.
P: Count me in! I like the tension of notknowing what comes!
J: Mark yourselves occupied for the next two or three days. I’ll get this stuff sorted.
P: Yeah cool!
Finalists:
Conan; Basilio Tredici TRS
EddyBT; Tianjin PuTao Auto Shabi
Ryan93; Yong Nano ST
Xepy; Opificio Vettura Sportiva Turbo
Keikyun; AutomanSchport Aveanto
The HALL OF SHAME
Cars that have violated one or more rules are found here
[advertisement deleted by entrant]
Violation of Trim ET and service costs
Violation of Engine ET and service costs
Violation of Comfort
11 Likes
My entry seems to have been misplaced? 
sorry for that.
edit to post is to follow soon
1 Like