I don’t expect a certain quality of review, but I do appreciate it. I enter these competitions to improve my cars, and a short “first impression” type review helps with that. The longer narrative for the close isn’t required, I just like the creative writing aspects in concert with the engineering/design part. Ultimately it is up to the host to decide, and timeliness is more important. Writing is easier for some people that others.
Yeah yeah I know I’m smelly and feel free to call me all kinds of names. It’s one car holding me up and the game keeps uninstalling itself. I’ll do my best to get it out by tonight.
3 Likes
Thank god it isn’t just me steam uninstalled random games on 
since I got an upgraded PC it stopped
I must say, I understand where you’re coming from, this is taking a little while (No offense to the host), but I think you have a great misunderstanding of what CSR is.
This seems rather illogical to me, since it implies (From my interpretation) that the only thing that can keep reviews long is the length per review, which may be the case in extreme situations, but is not for just a couple paragraphs per car such as this round. The sort of quality of a review we expect is just some grounds of character that are established from the opening post, not an Epic of a post.
This is the part that makes me believe that you do not know what CSR’s purpose is. CSR is not just a competition, if it was it would be measured in completely objective ways and the best performing car would win. But that is not the case, this is not just a competition of sorts, but a review series. And a review is meant to have some sort of depth in judgement of a car, a lot of the times subjectively and not objectively. If a review is not RP heavy for a series that is meant to have different RP for different rounds then I do not understand the point of the review.
Also I have very rarely seen a CSR individual car review go past two paragraphs, in fact I think this post is longer than a lot of the reviews posted thus far. If two paragraphs is considered a novella, then that must be a very short novella.
Lastly, I do agree that having a large amount of cars does inflate time, but also that reducing our standards rather than reducing the amount of allowed cars would just result in an inferior review series in quality and enjoyability.
9 Likes
Yeah yeah something something I smell and eat crayons. Insult me all you want, finals finals are here.
Dan’s next stop is Eastway Grehet. He remembers when the cars first came to America they were very much a novelty. He thinks this place might have been a repurposed Pizza restaurant… Not sure if that means their dealer network is expanding, or if they just can’t afford real buildings. He takes the cocaine white Horizon out for a test drive, exiting the dealer lot with a bit of wheelspin.
“Damn, this thing’s got some punch to it! I saw the 3.6 badge on the back… I don’ really use them euroland units, I think that’s about 220Ci though, which is very healthy sized, almost too much’ I’d even say.”
Dan gives it some throttle and the Horizon bounces off the rev limiter.
“Ahh! This engine just don’t got enough space past redline to shift! The damn autobox can’t keep up! It’s got plenty of low end power, but the top end has some slop.”
“The interior is… okay, about the average here. I dunno why it ain’t got a full bench in the rear though. Looks like one o’ them fancy pants modern art pieces back there, and that’s all well n’ good, but when I’m goin’ to a baseball game, I don’t look to sit on the godamn Mona Lisa, I look for a fuckin chair. I would’ve liked a chair back there.”
“Steering ain’t nothin to write home about, but it’ll get the job done. Seems a bit softer than the average ride I’ve been lookin’ at, but stiffer than I’m used ta’ with ol’ merican cars. Lookin’ over the warranty info, this car’s lookin a bit short in terms of reliability records, and it’s got a more expensive warranty on top’ o’ that. The best thing I’m findin’ here is the power and the ride, and not a whole lot to justify the extra cost o’r the other cars today. On top o’ that, I just ain’t feelin boss drivin this thing like I was in the others.”
Dan returns to the dealership.
His next stop is a Rhisuki dealership in Matthews. It’s got some new age music playing a little too loud and he doesn’t like it. What ever happened to Steppinwolf? Luckily he has the full page Kusea ad on hand and demands to test drive one. He is given one.
“Koo… ee…saah… Quesa? Coosa? How the fuck do these Asians even pronounce these damn names… anyway, I’m lovin the design of this one. Feels like it was designed for one o’ them video gamer things! People’re lookin just as I’m drivin round! The looks are a yuge parta this car for me.”
“Power is pretty damn nice, but in a sporty coupe like this one, I’m kinda wishin’ I could hear the engine more. The thing that’s overwhelmin is the sports suspension. It’s pushin the limits of what I’ll tolerate for harshness. I get it’s a sports thing, but I ain’t a racecar driver. That’s my brother’s job.”
“The interior is a little cramped on ‘account o’ that full bench in the rear. I know I ain’t bein consistent ‘bout my complaints, but in a smaller coupe like this one, a full sized rear bench just kinda be eatin into the front leg room, y’know? Otherwise, materials are aight. There’s a cassette player which I appreciate. I might be listenin to that techno garbage if I’m drivin a car like this round. Maybe I’ll need a white leather jaket too…”
“Like the Horizon, this thing ain’t lookin great for my wallet like the others are. Reliability records aren’t great and warranty costs are a lil’ high. I could make it work if I really wanted, but are the looks enough to justify that? I dunno yet. I’ll give it some time.”
Dan returns the Kusea to the dealer.
Dan’s next stop is a Sargasso dealer in Wild Woods. He gets a real pretentious aura from this place. They’ll probably nickel and dime him if he’s not careful. Also the salesman’s got a mullet. Dan wonders if he could still grow one…
“This car is… pretty damn underpowered for what it is. It’s only got 116 ponies. Sure, I don’t want a supercar, but this is a big ol’ luxury coupe! Should have some decent power!”
Dan pushes the car’s limits a bit more.
“This car holds traction pretty damn well… does it have a limited slip diff? I think so… I don’t think I need that, but it’s nice to have I think. I kinda think the rear tires are wider than the fronts. That’ll help… But with this lil’ power, I don’t get why. This thing needs more juice to make use of these things.”
“The sound system In this is crap, I’ma be frank. Sounds like there’s a rat singin’ queen at me through a tin can. Even compared to the car’s that don’t got no cassette player, this thing just ain’t good. I like mah music and this is a turn off. The materials themselves are ‘bout average, but the sound system drags it all down on a notch.”
“Yeah, I looked at the window sticker, and, yeah, this thing is cheap. But again, it’s ‘nother case of good value, vs ‘cheap.’ And I’m thinkin’ this car falls in the second camp. It’s the luxury coupe for folks who can’t afford a real luxury coupe but just wanna be seen drivin a big ol’ 2 door thing.”
Dan returns the Centauri to the dealer.
Dan’s next stop is the Cascadia place in Woodford Green. He doesn’t even go inside. He’s a little afraid of the Village of the Damned looks he’s getting from the salesmen inside. A salesman comes to him, standing by a white Garu and lets him test drive it.
“Canadian cars… bah. The fuck’s this world come to. This is basically a domestic car as far as I’m concerned… It’s a stick… I’d like an auto but I can live with this.”
He takes off with immediate ferocity.
“Damn, this thing’s only a 4 banger like an econobox but it’s got some surprisin’ punch to it. The powertrain on the whole I think is a good point in’ this car for what it is. It’s punchin’ ‘bove it’s weight class, and feels good. Maybe not matchin’ the more exotic 6 cyllinder auto stuff but holdin it’s own regardless. The gears are a bit long for my likin though, which don’t make a lick o’ sense when ya consider there’s 5 of em, so they should be more lively.”
“The interior ain’t premium. Not by a long shot. I think it’s outa some ecobox thing… prolly like the engine. Decent is as far as it goes. The sound system is bangin’ though which helps. The seatin’ layout is also much better, which is really needed cause This is a small car. but I got room to move mah seat as the driver. The rear seats don’t look too comfy, but if my Niece n’ nephew dun like it, they can bug someone else for rides.”
“Suspension, as usual, stiffer than I’m used ta, but for a coupe, tis one ain’t that bad. It’s a lil’ thin, and I really feel like I can chuck it round if I wanted to, but I don’t feel like I’ma be doin that too often…”
“Reliability records are… really not great. I dunno why, it’s got the engine and interior from cheaper shit, that should be its strong suit! But it ain’t! At least the warranty is nice and cheap… and it’s pretty good for gas.”
“Overall, this coupe is great lookin, and I can really get lot outa drivin it, but I ain’t a racin driver like I said. It’s small, and got an interior and engine well below its price. I could make it work if I wanted to, but I dunno if I do…”
Dan returns to the Cascadia dealer.
Dan continues on to Pineville Avantii next. It’s a very businessy place. The cars are grey, the salesmen mostly have grey suits, and the building is grey and bland. It’s literally like that computer commercial. He takes a similarly grey Curillex 4 door.
“This is… clearly the guts of an econobox. The 4 banger is pretty dead when that turbo thing is just sittin there, and the gears are loooong to compensate for it. That means you floor it, ya get out a stopwatch and your favorite book. Or a couple. Even then when it gets going, there ain’t that much power…”
“The tires are econobox tires, basically rocks cause o’ how hard they are. It ain’t even got a cassette player.”
Dan cuts his test drive a bit short.
“Yeah it’s cheap for a premium car, but it’s also Cheap for a premium car. I’ll just be livin every day with the reminder I got the cheap option. Yeah, there’s value for money, then there’s cheap, and lemme tell ya, this is cheap.”
Dan returns the car to the dealer a bit disgruntled.
Dan’s next stop is Fletcher Yaman. It’s dusk now, and the salesmen are clearly annoyed about having to stay cause this one guy wants to drive a car, but Dan doesn’t give a shit. He notices that the car looks a lot better from the back… Can he just drive in reverse everywhere?
“Huh… this is a 6 cyllinder? Coulda fooled me. Makes ‘bout as much power as that 4 banger coupe I just tested. This is kind of a small car so it ain’t that big a’ deal… Oh yeah, this is a small car too. A rear wheel drive small car. Feels kinda like they put one of them coupe things through the laffy taffy machine.”
Dan gives it a bit of push.
“The tires on this thing are pretty small is the first thing I’m noticin’. Skids pretty damn easy, and even with the low power I can break the rear wheels pretty damn easy. The autobox is also a 4 speed with 4th bein overdrive. You’d think all that adds up to good fuel economy… but it just don’t. Not that I’m a penny pincher, but if yer gon’ make all these cuts for the sake of savin’ on gas, why don’t it show in the numbers?”
“Oh well… The ride is also pretty soft, which I’m likin. The interior seems to be a cut above the average… Not outstandin’ but nicer than the norm, which I can appreciate, and there’s a cassette player, thank the lord.”
“This car seems to be a pretty reliable thing, as I was expectin for an import. It ain’t the best, but it’s a large cut above the average again. But it’s got a pretty sizable price premium over a lot of other cars here. It’s got a nice interior, it looks best from the rear, and rides well. But it’s also pretty well compromised for fuel economy, and doesn’t got the gains to show for it. I’ll have to keep this one in the back of my mind.”
Dan returns the car to the dealer.
Dan’s final stop is the Charolette Douglas Hanno dealer.
“I sorta get the impression just by peddlin’ this thing round that it feels like one of them fancy pants chocolates they leave on the pillow. Small, but lotta care or whatever went into it. I like the look, with the headlights that pop up with the button. Makes me feel young again!”
“The 6 cyllinder makes solid power, espically thinkin’ that it ain’t too big, and this is a lil’ car. Unfortunately, I can’t feel any of that 170 horses, cause the gears in this thing are so long! First goes all the way to 50mph! The fuck is the point of even havin more than 2 gears then? In addition, the engine’s got no runoff after peak power, so the autobox can’t shift quick enough, and this thing just bounces off the rev limiter all the time!”
“The tires, really skinny thangs. Like, way too skinny for 170 horses. It rides real nice and soft though, quite floaty. That, I can appreciate. Though it does mean it’ll roll, but I’m used to that.”
“The interior’s a highlight of this car. Matches the care put into the outside well. Good materials, comfy seats, and a bangin’ sound system. No complaints there.”
“The reliability record from this car seems to be pretty poor though. Must be cause those headlights? I dunno. But people be reportin lots of breakdowns with this car… and on top of that, it’s a much more premium price than some of the other full size, rear wheel drive things. Yeah, this car’s got the future-y look, and engine, and drivetrain and all that shit, but I dunno why it looks like it’ll break more than some of them turbo things. This one ain’t too likely for me.”
Dan returns to the dealership to compile his choice for car.
Top 7 results are as follows:
1th @yangx2 For combining supreme comfort, style, size and reliability, all at an affordable price Dan loves.
2th @MrChips For the sporty sedan that satisfies the driver, but the sensible side too.
3th @Mikonp7 For a modern take on the classic formula.
4th @OME For surprising Dan with incredible performance and Italian Exoticness.
5th @Dorifto_Dorito For the Classic American Sedan, made with competitive reliability.
6th @Repti For the Surprise futuristic coupe with comfort to back it up.
7th @thecarlover For a fun, futuristic coupe with surprising performance.
Congratulations to Yang for winning! Dan is now driving the communist car!
23 Likes
Oh wow.
There is only one video I can post
The Honghu Beifeng snatches yet another victory! Wow!
Shoutout Narfy for the challenge. Through a barrage of technical problems and life, you finally made it to the end! Thank you for the host as well!
As expected, I will not be able to host the next CSR at this current moment. More assignments and finals are right around the corner. As such, I pass it onto Chips
18 Likes
I wonder how does that Chinese car handles like
Probably great, right?
U N D E R S T E E R
“1th” that is art
Aw
My 1st gear goes up to 75 Kilometers, so it’s pretty Long.
you know, had you just given this heads up sooner, could’ve avoided all the drama, and taken the edge off people. i’d for one would understand that.
either way. thank you for hosting the round 
also what do you mean by this? i did put an adv auto in there… right?
1 Like
Dan probably didn’t put it in Sports mode
Yeah Yeah I know, feel free to call me smelly and all kinds of bad names in the discord or here.
I interpreted the runoff after max power as the time the auto box has to shift, assuming that when you try to get the most out of the engine, the transmission will run it up to peak power. Say peak power is at 6500RPM, and you floor it, the transmission isn’t going to shift until after 6500RPM, and if your redline is 6700RPM, that doesn’t give a lot of time for shifting. Either I could assume the gearbox short shifts and never touches peak power, or that it touches peak power, but doesn’t have time to shift in the 200rpm after peak power, if that makes sense.
wow, the Italian almost made it to the podium. was not expecting that as it was a pretty left field entry 
I really had fun meeting Dan, he is a real character.
Congrats @yangx2! and everyone who made it to the final.
4 Likes
Was it my car that was holding everything up?
I just noticed it wasn’t there, but I thought I made the finals?
I didn’t use any mods or anything
I actually didn’t notice that you listed there was 18 finalists, but then reviewed 10 cars and said there was 7. We should’ve picked up on that. Oh well
Congratulations to…
And quite rightly too! As in CSR 109, he delivered something against which the other entries never stood a chance. But as I’ve stated previously, my hunch about our client being a man of the old school turned out to be mostly true. Let’s hope that the next round doesn’t take anywhere near as long as the previous two to complete, and is run to a high standard to boot.
dude i’m not calling you anything.
if any, i was just pointing out the obvious.
either way. it’s done now
yeah i get it. the thought didn’t cross my head. good point. will take that into consideration next time
Just curious, if Dan was looking for a comfortable, reliable car that can go fast enough for an occasional emergency maneuver, then why is he so focused on redline performance? Besides, most cars have (relatively) long gears, but even when you are pushing them the transmission shifts well before redline? Was the field just so close on the other stats it boiled down to performance?
Also @DoctorNarfy, based on what you said about the loading issues it sounds like your computer was eating paint chips, not you. I will insult the respective hardware and software, not the guy stuck fixing it.