These are mostly excerpts from the conversation Jason had with his mechanic, who also works for a TV show that reviews new cars.
“Anyways, moving on from that disaster scam…”
“The car cannot decide whether it wants to be a drag special or a luxury cruiser. However, for the latter, which we request, you have to be able to turn. Neither the numb steering nor its questionable dynamics give a good impression. It also lacks dual frontal airbags, and I think it’s reasonable to expect that a car of this price range would have them. Oh and I absolutely think they are a nightmare to work on”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“This car looks like a grandpa in reading glasses, and looks about that it has been designed by one. That’s not where the similarities end… take speed for example. Its outdated 3L V6 is woefully outgunned by the competition’s V8s and V12s. It also does not have dual frontal airbags. This is definitely not the car for you, as it’s way too soft. Also, I know you’re not cheap for the sake of it.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“You know, sometimes I wonder where you get your car advice from. Isn’t this a bit too mainstream for the segment? Regardless of that, I think it’s a reasonably competitive car if you can get above its sloppy handling and grabby brakes, neither of which you’ll like. At least it’s built reasonably well, with a reasonably punchy engine and good appointments, even if parts are a bit hard to come by. Still not sure if air suspension is really necessary.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“For something named after the goddess of wisdom, there are too many unwise choices. Namely, the poorly tuned turbocharged V6 engine that is unusually prone to failure, ineffective brakes, numb steering, and poorly matched tires. Also, it’s just plain overpriced for what you get, a smattering of parts that sound good by themselves but aren’t integrated together well. Wise to not buy this piece of junk.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“Just like its namesake, this car has a tendency to fail under heat. In the myths, it was the wings, here it is the brakes. You gonna go crashing down either way, along with your wallet. Oh, and the turbo V6 engine spools longer than a crane winch, and still likes to throw faults quite often. No thanks. It had so much potential, but could never go the last mile. Also they’re prone to disintegrating, which is a bit unusual for a Swedish car.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“If, and only if, you can get past the styling, this is actually a solid contender. It’s reasonably comfortable, powerful, and composed, and they hold up well in the real world. That V8’s bank angle raised quite a few eyebrows here though when we first tested it, we thought they were trying to save costs by sharing it across several different cars. Though I think overall braking is poor and judging from your reaction, that’s enough to drag it out of your recommendation list. Well, that’s a shame… Still you should try it out.”
Verdict: Moves on
“This car is well out of place here, and for all the bad reasons. While a reasonably stout body-on-frame construction and solid rear axle aren’t anything to scoff at by themselves, they put it at a major disadvantage compared to the competition, especially in the areas of performance and comfort. Despite its simple construction, its reliability isn’t mythical, and several more modern cars have proven to be superior in that regard. Fortunately, they’re reasonably well built. However…its safety record is among the worst of all new cars sold here, not having the latest suite of safety features hurts it heavily. Also, being a larger car does bring its own share of higher servicing costs too. One thing I heard about the Grand Baltimore was that Deer and Hunt were forced to severely detune the massive 6.5L V10 engine to meet emissions standards. Still, that doesn’t take away from its personality as a laid-back cruiser, after all, 290 hp isn’t the worst, especially when you got this much low-end torque. But then again, you’re not exactly looking for a cruiser this laid back right?”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“The Filipinos really know how to make a pretty car, and there is no doubt that the Laguna will feel right at home among upscale cars. Unfortunately, it masks the fatal flaw of steel panels, which means that durability is going to be a major issue, even if quality compares favorably to the Japanese. Still, the idea of a watered-down sports sedan is very tantalizing indeed, and it comes with the latest technologies, such as a trick AWD system that can modulate power depending on the driving conditions and optional 4-wheel steering. But this might actually be a bit too sporty for your tastes, though I think it nails a good balance of performance and luxury. Hell, it comes with expensive performance rubber, an expense that you wouldn’t really appreciate anyways. Maybe a better expense would be a full suite of safety features. The 276hp twin-turbocharged V6 is about as good as you can get, but will always be at a major disadvantage when compared to a V8.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“Again, like the Quezon, this one attempts to inject a bit more fizz into your daily commute, though I reckon it injects way too much fuel into its 284hp 4.3L V8 engine. In all honestly, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with it, if you gloss over the lack of common safety features and the abysmal, barely road-legal brakes. On the plus side, servicing it won’t burn your wallet completely, even if it comes with pricey sports tires as standard, and build quality is pretty good. My personal opinion? It’s too compromised as a sports sedan and makes some mistakes as a luxury sedan. Pass.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“These things are surprisingly pleasant to be in, though I question if you’d want to drive this thing for long. The setup chosen for the tires and brakes can only be described as…wack, grabby, and out of balance. Also, there’s a reason Michelin TRX tires have long gone out of fashion. I continue to believe that hydropneumatic suspensions and other similar systems are an unnecessary cost and that aluminum bodies will be hell to repair.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“This car has a few peculiarities, including a well-tuned 254hp 3.2L turbocharged inline 6, an unusual AWD system, and terrible brakes. Regarding that AWD system, I’m not even sure how Alba managed to get that power distribution, and my impression was that it gave it a sluggish, front-heavy feeling. Also, the ride is a bit jarring for a luxury car. Would not recommend.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“Honestly there’s a reason you never ever see these things. It looks like an RC car from Best Buy and is about as reliable as one. With a good array of modern technology (except the safety of course…), this is a good lesson on something that looks good on paper but is absolutely pathetic in real life. Just look at the “powerful” and poorly set up engine that will never be able to use its full 316hp ever, and the aluminum body panels that will be extraordinarily hard to repair.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“Honestly quite incredible that MAHG found it fitting to get a literal truck engine, turbocharge it, and shoehorn it in the front of a passenger car. Sure, with 5 liters and 361 hp under your command, having a wide powerband is nice, and having AWD helps it consistently pull away from the line in a hurry. But its immense weight, combined with the haphazard tuning of the AWD system completely wrecks the handling dynamics and braking by completely overloading the front tires and brakes. They’re an absolute pain to work on, cause you can access nothing, and you can get better features for its high price, including a but not limited to a V8 engine and dual frontal airbags. Not even MAHG’s complicated suspension design can compensate for the sheer lack of composure. On the other hand, they’re among the best-built cars sold here.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
"Oh, these things. They just issued a recall for improperly manufactured pistons. But even if we get over that, it’s not a good value for money, even if it has a powerful 341hp 4L V10 that offers good all-around performance. It lacks features that one might expect for this kind of car, such as dual frontal airbags, yet it slathers on things I see as unnecessary, such as hydropneumatic suspension, Michelin TRX tires, and electric power steering. "
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“They must really be proud of this car to call it the Wells. Well, I think they need to reconsider that thought. First, the engine, while reasonably good, runs a bit too rich for its own good. Second, it’s not entirely the most pleasant car to be in. For example, the brakes are far too grabby yet offer terrible performance, I’m not a fan of its steering system, and it has a suspension that really likes to transmit small bumps to the interior. It’s a good effort, but I know there are much better cars out there.”
Verdict: Tier 3 bin.
“As always, you can count on the legendary Kaufmann brand to deliver almost the ideal car. The Gestalt 380 ranks among the most competitive cars in its class, featuring a bulletproof, well-engineered combination of sturdiness, performance, and luxury. Even the cost of buying and maintaining it is reasonable. The reason I said almost in the beginning, was that I don’t think the brakes will work at all under your pretty aggressive driving. But it’s still something that you should try for yourself. Also, I would be lying if I said that I was the biggest fan of their new styling.”
Verdict: Moves on.
“A well-engineered, expertly built, and traditional American car on fat tires. Everything, from its 261hp 4.5L V8, well-calibrated transmission and suspension, and good interior appointments is integrated well together to create a compelling package that, at below $40,000, is a cracking value for money.”
Verdict: Moves on.