Side note, just a minor detail you may want to correct: In the state of Oregon, it is illegal to pump your own gas. An attendant has to do it for you.
(The new law allowing self-service in rural counties has not taken effect yet in game terms)
2 Likes
TEAM OUTRIDERS
06:00
(The team wakes up and sets to work breaking down camp and cooking breakfast.)
Zach: You want some bacon?
Marc: What do you think?
Zach: Oh, right.
Luigi: In this case it really is against his religion.
Blake: To each his own.
Zach: We could’ve brought turkey bacon.
Luigi: What the fuck’s wrong with this kid?
Blake: Ain’t natural.
Luigi: You doing anything for work?
Zach: Nah, mostly focused on classes.
Luigi: I thought you were slacking in those.
Zach: Yeah, not quite sure if I’m really into it. Besides, with the classes, I don’t really have time to work.
Marc: Nonsense, Luigi here has a second job.
Blake: He does?
Marc: Yeah, he’s a florist. Always planting tulips!
Blake: Ha!
Luigi: Yeah, on the back of your neck!
Zach: I hope you at least give him a reach around.
Luigi: Well, I’m not a savage.
07:00
(The car is loaded up and ready to go)
Marc: Everything loaded up? Okay let’s go. Luigi, Low Rider!
…
Marc: Luigi, Low Rider.
Luigi: Oh, right.
(Blake, Marc, and Luigi have their eyes shut and are breathing deep. Zach looks on with a bit of confusion.)
Marc: Okay, let’s make tracks!
(The men pile into the Enforcer, and once again the baritone roar of the 432 comes to life. They take off.)
08:00
Marc: My mama talkin to me try to tell me how to live! But I don’t listen to her cause my head is like a sieve!
Blake: My daddy he disowned me cause I wear my sister’s clothes! He caught me in the bathroom with a pair of panty hose!
Luigi: My basketball coach he done kicked me off the team! For wearing high heel sneakers, and actin like a queen! Ha ha ha!
Zach: ?
09:00
Marc: What do you mean I can’t pump my own gas?
Attendant: State Law prohibits motorists from pumping their own gas.
Marc: That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard of! I’ve been pumping my own gas for thirty five God damn years!
Blake: Give it a rest, it’s Oregon State Law, just let it be.
Marc: So how much extra do we pay for this mandatory privilege?
Blake: Never mind, it’s on me.
Marc: You know what this is? It’s all of Luigi’s fascist spy buddies from Italy. It’s their revenge for the war!
Luigi: Yup, we set up a cell on the other side of the country just on the off chance you would be in the state just so we could piss you off!
(A few minutes later)
Marc: Do you guys normally receive tips?
Attendant: Almost always.
Marc: Always wear bright clothing when riding a bicycle at night! (Slams door)
Blake: Pay him no mind, he’s just very set in his ways. (Hands the attendant a five and gets in the car)
Marc: That’s so stupid!
Blake: You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Besides, I hear they may be changing that law.
Marc: That’ll be rich. You’ll wind up with a bunch of people completely clueless on how to pump their own gas. If you’re disabled, then I get it. By all means help them. But making it illegal to pump your own gas? That’s just stupid!
Luigi: Yeah, well get over your gas station Shell Shock and hit the road already!
Zach: If we were actually at a Shell Station, that would be funny as hell.
Marc: … (Starts to crack up)
(The whole car bursts out in laughter)
Blake: How can such a stupid joke be so damn funny? (laughs)
Marc: Thanks, I think we really needed that.
(The Enforcer leaves the gas station and takes off in a furious roar.)
6 Likes
Legend of Terms:
TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.
Saturday, 10AM-NOON
Weather Conditions: 76 degrees, clear
All vehicles are on US-26 West, OR-35 South, I-84 West, I-86 West
Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Farewell Bend State Recreational Area, Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.
Next Waypoint: Emigrant Springs State Heritage Area, The Dalles, Barlow Road, End of the Trail Interpretive Musem
VicVictory:
TBDC: 127 mi OD: 1661 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +1 Notes: Optional POI: Farewell Bend State Recreation Area (20 minute rest). TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.
@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 116 mi OD: 1897 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoints Completed: Barlow Road. AN INCIDENT HAS OCCURRED (No other teams involved0. PLEASE CHECK PMS.
@Madrias
TBDC: 73 mi OD: 1632 mi MRL: -5 FTG: +2 Notes: Team has refueled in Mountain Home, ID. AN INCIDENT HAS OCCURRED WITH TEAM ENTWHISTLE. PLEASE CHECK PMS.
@Jaimz
TBDC: 57 mi OD: 1632 mi MRL: -4 FTG: +1 Notes: Optional POI completed: Farewell Bend State Recreation Area. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. AN INCIDENT HAS OCCURRED WITH TEAM HIGHWAY HOOLIGANS. PLEASE CHECK PMS.
@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1722 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. Morale note: this is due to help from Team Southend, and the interactions between the two teams. A replacement ABS module has been procured from a junkyard, and removal of the old part is in process.
@Zabhawkin
TBDC: 122 mi OD: 1803 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +1 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Spings. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR.
@conan
TBDC: 118 mi OD: 1876 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. Team was detained roadside for a few minutes on OR-35 South by a state trooper who was not happy about their lack of hood. No citation issued.
@Mythrin
TBDC: 115 mi OD: 1742 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Spings. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.
@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 74 mi OD: 1692 mi MRL: -1 FTG: +2 Notes: Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 50 MPH are now impossible. Fuel economy penalty due to bad clutch. Clutch isn’t liking the mountains. Fuel low.
@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 0 mi OD: 1722 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Morale note: this is due to helping from Team Rice Box, and the interactions between the two teams. A replacement ABS module has been procured from a junkyard, and removal of the old part is in process.
@Dorifto_Dorito
TBDC: 120 mi OD: 1843 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Power loss continues to get slightly worse.
@stm316
TBDC: 123 mi OD: 1881 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.
The following vehicles are in packs or close together:
Team Glitterstorm
Just after 10am
Fuzz’s phone dinged as a message came in. He swiped the screen to life and read the text. The contents were somewhat disturbing. He pursed his lips, figuring out what to do with this new information.
A minute later, he spoke to his sister. “Hey, I want to get out and stretch my legs in a little bit.”
“Why? We’re making great time!”
“So? We’re still dead last. I don’t think we’re gonna get any better than that, so let’s just enjoy the ride now.”
“But we’ve got to beat those Hooligans!” she protested.
“I’ll keep an eye on them, but last I checked they weren’t doing good,” he bluffed. “Doesn’t look like their car’s gonna hold up.”
Jen sighed. “That’s a shame. I was looking forward to making them eat our dust. Again.”
Fuzz ignored the comment. Instead, he dug at the screen of his phone, trying to find someplace they could stop for a few. “Here. Farewell Bend. Says this is where emigrants going west camped for the last time along the Snake River before making the tough journey over the Blue Mountains. Less water, rougher terrain for them pretty much all the way to the end of the trail.”
“Alright,” she agreed quietly.
Fuzz nodded, hiding his immediate relief at not having to try to pass the Hooligans just yet.
Approximately 11:30am
“Damn, something’s going on,” Jen noted as the third cruiser blasted past them in the opposite direction, lights ablaze. This one was another Baker County Sheriff’s deputy, but the Oregon State Patrol was also apparently involved with whatever incident had drawn their local brethren.
Fuzz nodded. “Wish I had a scanner. It’s weird having this big of a response way out here in the boonies.”’
“Hope everyone’s alright, whatever it is,” Jen added.
Yeah, probably not, Fuzz thought. He didn’t have the heart to tell his sister that it very well could have been them. And that it might have been a matter of mere minutes that made the difference.
Edit: I derped and initially wrote the wrong timeframe somewhere. Possibly more than once. Thanks @stm316 for figuring it out for me.
5 Likes
Team Wagons West Day … ah, who cares.
4-6AM
Bill: You said we’d get breakfast here. You know I like breakfast, Aunt Toni.
Toni: Any plan that can’t be changed is a bad plan. We’ll just have to hit something on the road. I didn’t mean… on the road.
Wookiee: Rabbit stew!!!
Bill: It’s breakfast, dunce. Can we stop at the old fort. I’ve been learning a bit about this wagon stuff, and it’s made me curious.
Beth: The old old fort, or the new old fort?
Bill: Old one.
6-8AM
Wookiee: Was that as fun for you as it was for me?
Bill: Maybe. Maybe not. It depends entirely on whether you’re being serious or sarcastic.
Toni: Been and done boys. Let’s get going again. I’ll drive until 10, then one of you can volunteer.
Beth: I’ll go next.
They jumped back into the car and Toni turned the key. In addition to what was expected, there was another change in the exhaust note.
Bill: Why does it keep doing that, Aunt Toni?
Toni: Over to you. (looks at Wookiee)
Wookiee: Ya gets what ya pays fer!
Toni hit the pedal, and they headed back to the highway, in the hopes of getting somewhere near the finish line (maybe… dare I say… actually reaching it).
4 Likes
Spanners is being held face first on the side of the Vango.
Spanners: Look officer, we stopped for coffee and donuts and THAT MORON came over accusing us of trying to kill them! Then he started swinging so I had to defend Mrs E and George.
Gran: Officer, if I may have a word.
Officer: Stay over there lady and we’ll get around to you later.
Gran: EXCUSE ME? I see you American’s have absolutely no respect for your elders! And it’s even worse that you are on officer of the law. What sort of impression are you giving the youth of today? You’re supposed to be setting a good example to the youths of today! These ruffians fired at us earlier and then threw, what we presumed, was a full dirty nappy at out windscreen.
Officer: LADY! MOVE AWAY AND WE’LL SPEAK TO YOU SHORTLY!
Gran: Well I never….they are the people that shot at us and you’re assaulting my best friend’s grandson! I’m going to make a report about this to your superior……. BZZZT!
Mopey: GRAN!!! WHAT THE FUCK??? DID YOU REALLY NEED TO TAZER HER???
Ofiicer: MOVE BACK KID OR YOU’RE NEXT!
Spanners: Do as he says George……fucker’s a lunatic with a god complex! Look dude…their car has a massive fucking stripe scored down the side of the car which, by the way, wasn’t there when I last saw it….they fired at us, Mrs E reported it just outside Fort Hall. Now you’ve tazered an old lady whose sharpest weapon was her tongue! As for the missing wheel nuts……if someone really wanted to kill them then they’d have probably left the last remaining wheel nut tight so it fails at speed……leaving it a bit loose would make them limp to the nearest garage, say, 10 or so miles away.
Officer: So you admit to stealing the nuts and we’ll find them in the van?
Spanners: Actually I said “If someone……” I am admitting nothing! Yes you’ll find wheel nuts in the van……I carry a LOT of spares. Now you’re arresting me for defending myself, tazered an old lady and threatened a minor.
Gran starts to come around.
Gran: George, David what happened?
Mopey: That nutter tazered you Gran……and then threatened to do the same to me!
Gran: David, what do we do?
Spanners: Depends on what happens to me now.
Officer: I’m arresting you for an assault on him.
Mopey: But it was self-defense.
Spanners: I’ll be alright….you 2 go on ahead and I’ll see you when they let me go. I just hope they put me in the same cell as that wanker!
Gran: David! There’s no need for that language.
Spanners: Sorry Mrs E. I’ll be OK…you 2 carry on. George, you’re going to have to step up now and look after your Gran.
Mopey: Ok…
Gran: George, give me your phone. Hello, is that Mr Pinkerton-Smythe my barrister? Jolly good. I’ve been assaulted in America by a policeman. Yes dear, this is what happened. It started by us being shot at by some ruffians…
3 Likes
Highway Hooligans
Day 3, 8-10a - “Outta My Way!”
11:00
The blaring loud music was still going when they caught up to the Vango of Team Harcourt-Entwhistle. The decision was made then and there to ‘get their attention’ as they pulled into the Farewell Bend State Recreation Area, and Marcus intentionally gave their van a “little” bump.
As soon as both vehicles were stopped, Marcus got out of the car and swung at Spanners with a sock full of loose change, though missed and pounded a dent into the driver’s door before the sock burst, sending pennies flying all over the area. “Try to kill us, you fuckin’ prick, I’ll fuckin’ bury you in a shallow fuckin’ grave!” Marcus yelled, landing several punches on Spanners, though not entirely unscathed himself. Spanners managed to land an uppercut on his jaw, and kicked the door open, knocking Marcus over. The two fought for several rough minutes before the cops arrived, presumably called by some bystanders outright terrified at the altercation.
11:30
“Officer, these fuckers-” Marcus started to say.
“Watch your language. You already have a quite healthy rap sheet, so cut the crap.”
“These morons took the lug nuts off of our car last night. All but one on each wheel. That’s trying to kill us, attempted murder. Thing is, Officer, your kind never seem to do justice on those deserving of it, no, they go after everyone else for traffic tickets.” Marcus said, trying to remain rational as more patrol cars arrived.
“Then call it in if you’re sure they did it. Not take matters into your own hands. This isn’t Chicago, land of Gangs and corrupt cops, this is Oregon. We do things differently out here, like arresting scum who run minivans full of children off the road and start fights with other motorists.”
“Calling you would have been as useful as putting a snake in the hen-house.” Marcus shot back.
“Marcus, knock it off! If he gets more pissed at us, he’ll impound the car and then we’re stranded out here in the ass-end of nowhere with nothing to our name.” Jake said, glaring over the roof of the car.
“Should do it anyway, but because you three aren’t part of this, and all three of you stayed out of this, I’ll let you keep your car. But you guys get pulled over again in this shitbox in my state, and you’re walkin’ back to Chicago.”
“Ain’t my first time in a cop car.” Marcus said, getting put in the back of an Oregon State Cruiser. “Won’t be my last, neither.”
11:45
Jake took the driver’s seat reluctantly, then said, “We’ll have to drive in shifts to make it, but we may still have a slim chance of finishing this on time. But we’re short one driver, the car’s banged up, and I think he blew the speakers out on the radio, so we don’t really have any music. And if we get caught speeding, we’re getting pulled over, impounded, and we’ll have to find alternate means to make it back to Chicago.”
Trevor looked up at him, then said, “Could be worse. If nothing else, I know a guy out this way, sells junkers for cheap. We lose this car, at least we can get some rattle-trap that’ll get us home.”
“With what money? Mark’s the only one who had cash to spare on this trip.” Cody said. “Fuckin’ idiot. Of course he had to fly off the fucking rails and cause an incident, and didn’t have the forethought to at least stick a fat wad of cash in the glovebox to get us through this.”
“Well, at least we have the car. Do we have any food?” Jake asked.
“Nope. We packed spare parts, remember, not much in the way of food.” Trevor replied.
“Okay, wallets out, no holding out on me here. How much do we have between the three of us?” Jake asked. A few minutes of counting, stacking, and adding anything they could find gave them a grand total of a whopping $200 to finish the trip.
“So, we need gas, and food, and lodging out of that 200 bucks.”
“Won’t need lodging if we finish this shit early. Scratch that out.” Trevor said.
“Still leaves us gas, and food. And you can’t pump your own in Oregon for some stupid reason, which means it’ll be more expensive.” Jake said.
“We could try to sell some of the spare parts in the trunk.” Cody mentioned.
“That’s a great idea, except that guarantees we break whatever we sell, and strand our stupid selves out here in the ass-end of fucking nowhere for no reason.”
“We’ve not had that many breakdowns so far. I’ve heard other teams were doing far worse.” Cody responded.
“Murphy’s Law. Now that we can’t just run out and buy the part and fix it, everything will start breaking. Plus, keep in mind we’ve got that wobbly driveshaft that could fall out at any time, and whatever damage your idiot brother caused when he side-swiped the minivan, plus the fact that this thing’s a pile to begin with, and we’re just driving a ticking fuckin’ time-bomb waiting for the next problem.” Jake said. He turned the key to start the engine, and a loud ‘bang’ sounded, and everything went white for a moment.
DING! “You have been in an accident. Please remain calm and contact emergency services.”
“Fuck you too, Ivan. Airbag in the fucking face. Trevor, give me your pocket knife so I can remove this piece of shit from my steering wheel.” Jake said, rolling the windows down to let the smoke out. Trevor handed him a pocket knife, and the remainder of the time period was spent removing the air bags and clipping the covers back in place enough to look normal. Trevor stuffed the ruined bags in the trunk and took his knife back, while Cody pulled his seatbelt on and tried to get over the fact that he’d just had a malfunctioning airbag hit him in the head.
Jake flipped open the fuse box and yanked fuse 27, the one that controlled IVAN. “At least we won’t be hearing that for the rest of the trip.”
Aftermath:
Morale: 0 (-5) - Lost a team member, Car’s malfunctioning, and not a lot of cash to go around.
Fatigue: +2 (+2) - Cop made us sit in the car with the windows up and the air conditioning off.
Waypoints: 7
Status: Demoralized. Setting up for shift driving. Jake is driving - Expect gearbox abuse.
Note: With the loss of Marcus, the ‘shit-list’ no longer exists.
4 Likes
TEAM OUTRIDERS
(The car just hauled ass down the Barlow Road)
Marc: Home stretch bitches!
Blake: Things are looking good. I can’t believe we’re in the running to win one of these!
Luigi: Hell yeah!
(CLUNK! SNAP!)
Marc: Shit! Shit! Hang on!
(The front passenger side of the car suddenly sags down. Marc manages to countersteer and avert a severe incident, unfortunately the car slammed into a guardrail causing the passenger side windows to shatter)
Blake: Sweet Jesus!
Marc: Everyone okay?
Luigi: Fine
Zach: I’ve felt better but I’m okay.
Blake: Showered in glass but I’m here. Let’s see what the hell happened. Son of a bitch! My door won’t open!
Zach: Neither will mine.
(All men exit the car from the drivers side.)
Luigi: See anything?
Blake: Looks like the ball joint sheared off. Control arm looks slightly bent.
Luigi: Do we have any spares?
Blake: No, just the wheel and tire.
Marc: Don’t tell me this is it, not after how far we’ve gotten!
Zach: What are our options?
Blake: I could probably rig something together but I can’t guarantee how long it’ll hold. Or we could call a tow truck into the nearest town.
Luigi: What’s the nearest town?
Marc: Rhododendron.
Blake: Looks like our lead is fucked no matter what we do.
Luigi: How long would it take you to rig something together?
Blake: Not long, but we’d have to baby it.
Marc: I say call a tow truck. We get into town, we can get the proper parts. This car has gotten us so far, the least we can do is treat her right.
Zach: I agree, no sense risking another crash.
Blake: Okay then, hand me my phone.
(After some consideration, they decided to call a tow truck to Rhododendron, OR.)
6 Likes
This race is turning into a showcase of pure lunacy - I can’t wait for the conclusion!
2 Likes
Legend of Terms:
TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.
Saturday, NOON-2PM
Weather Conditions: 66-84 degrees, clear or high clouds (Depending on whether the team is in the mountains, west of, or east of)
All vehicles are on US-26 West, OR-35 South, I-84 West
Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.
Next Waypoint: The Dalles, Barlow Road, End of the Trail Interpretive Musem
VicVictory:
TBDC: 128 mi OD: 1789 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.
@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 15 mi (On the back of a tow truck) OD: 1912 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +5 Notes: Team has been towed to Rhododendron, OR. Repairs are in process, and will bleed into the next time period.
@Madrias
TBDC: 127 mi OD: 1759 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR.
@Jaimz
TBDC: 64 mi OD: 1696 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +2 Notes: Waypoint completed: Emigrant Springs. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.
@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 35 mi OD: 1722 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Repairs completed late in the time period. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.
@Zabhawkin
TBDC: 110 mi OD: 1803 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoints completed: The Dalles, Barlow Road. Fatigue note: Barlow Road took a bit of a toll on your team.
@conan
TBDC: 72 mi OD: 1948 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Morale/Fatigue note: Barlow Road was very bad in this car, but the team is elated that it has conquered the road in (more or less) one piece.
@Mythrin
TBDC: 126 mi OD: 1868 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +4 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.
@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 70 mi OD: 1762 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 50 MPH are now impossible. Fuel economy penalty due to bad clutch. Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR.
@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 35 mi OD: 1757 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +3 Notes: Assising repairs for Vri404 is complete near the end of the time period. TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH.
TBDC: 49 mi OD: 1892 mi MRL: -4 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. CRITICAL FAILURE: Only a couple miles in to the Barlow Road, the team scrapes off their muffler on a rock. This is followed a few hundred feet later by a stress crack forming in the exhaust manifold (the reason for the power loss over the past few hours). Final morale: +8 (good)
@stm316
TBDC: 98 mi OD: 1979 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Note: the car handled the Barlow Road surprisingly well, and with good comfort, all things considered.
The following vehicles are in packs or close together:
PRJ, Erin (with the Dynamite not far ahead)
Team Glitterstorm
(Will fill this in some more later)
Sorry for the delay. Once I got to my computer last night it was WAAAY too late to process.
6 Likes
Aww RIP. I wish I could have done more RP but ive been too busy to do so. Oh well.
2 Likes
Highway Hooligans
Day 3, 10-Noon - “A Minor Setback…”
Jake struggled to keep the E5 going, managing to screw up more gear changes than he managed to get right, but also managing not to blow up the gearbox. There were two lights flashing on the dash as he drove into Pendleton, Oregon: SRS and Fuel. He couldn’t do anything about the first one, but he could do something about the second.
He pulled into a gas station and pulled the fuel door, and the attendant happily got to work filling the tank. After the tank was full, the gas was paid for, and the attendant given a very reluctant tip, Jake proceeded to stall the car three times before burning tires and clutch out of the parking area.
“So, what do we have on the radar?” Jake asked. Cody grabbed the GPS and looked at it, then said, “That weird PRJ thing, and the Erin, they’re both behind us.”
“Let’s give 'em a hard chase, then.” Trevor said. “Make it hard to pass us.”
“I’m doing the best I fuckin’ can, Trev! I’m struggling to get this piece of shit to run well, let alone quickly.” Jake replied. “This isn’t the easiest car in the world to drive, I’ve had my head rattled with an airbag earlier, and I can barely drive stick!”
“Jake, relax. Look at the bright-sides, not the bad shit. We’re on a road-trip.” Cody said.
“Yeah, in a shitbox with $162 in our pockets, waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Jake said.
“Yeah, but we’ve got the most glorious shitbox on the road. Sure, we don’t have a lot of things, but what we do have is good. Cody, try to make some music work, just anything.” Trevor said.
Cody started up their playlist again, and some Eurobeat started playing from the speakers, although with a bit of a rattle from some of the speakers that’d been abused by Marcus. Despite the rattle in the speakers, this managed to get Jake to smile, as it reminded him of their start.
“You know, you’re right. Let’s have fun until this thing shits the bed. From what I’ve been hearing on the radio, Barlow Road’s tearing up people’s cars, we’re not there yet, not even close, but I’m voting we hit that sucker hard and fast. Blaze of Glory!”
“Blaze of Glory!” Trevor and Cody yelled at the same time, as Jake laid into the gas, making the snarly I4 growl and hiss as they hurtled along.
Aftermath:
Morale: +1 (+1) - Pep Talk!
Fatigue: +6 (+4) - It’s exhausting being upset. Thankfully, we’re gonna make the most of it!
Waypoints: 8 (+1)
Status: Planning to Kick Ass by Driving Fast.
3 Likes
Team Wagons West
Saturday 8AM - 10AM
The team took half hour shifts as DJ, and not surprisingly Bill had opted for 8 track entertainment. What they couldn’t figure out was how he’d managed to get Ed Sheeran’s album on one. They hadn’t seen any other competitors in the flesh for a while, but they may have seen a couple of their cars. While it didn’t mean that they were too far behind, it also didn’t mean that they were ahead. As they continued driving, Beth decided to check in on facebook.
Beth: It says here that one of the cars was stolen last night.
Bill: Stolen? Why would someone do that?
Wookiee: Joyride. I would have… thought.
Bill: You paused. Admission of guilt.
Wookiee: S.f.b. I was in the room. With you three.
In accordance with the whole “Speak of the Devil” thing, they noticed another competitor, one they had not seen since the very start of the adventure. Binchan, banchen… that one with the fat guy and the wine-o. Pleasantries were exchanged while filling, and both cars headed out to the next checkpoint.
10AM - 12PM
Beth was driving again, as she had proven herself more capable than the guys at keeping the pace up, but Bill had decided he wanted one more short stint.
Bill: Why? Because I funded it. I think it’s fair.
Toni: Just let her drive.
Rick: Her-her or him-her?
The Wallis had been lucky before, when, driving along with the Bonchon, somewhere south of Hood River, the state Troopers had decided to pull only one of the cars over, and any other traffic on the road was compliant when they attempted passing, so the run had been smooth enough for the team to be in high spirits.
3 Likes
TEAM OUTRIDERS
(On the side of the road)
Zach: It’s here!
Marc: About time. Looks like it’s a crew cab truck. At least we’ll all be able to ride inside.
Blake: How nice, look what kind of truck they sent.
Luigi: A Petoskey, how fitting. Looks like a brand new one too.
(The truck arrives and the driver begins hooking up the car.)
Tow Truck Driver: You fellas did a number on this car, Looks like it’s been to Hell and back. Have you decided which garage you’re taking her to?
Blake: Just the nearest auto parts store.
Tow Truck Driver: You’re shittin’ me!
Blake: Nope, we know just what we need to get her on the road again.
Luigi: We both worked on these for the Police Department in our city. I know these cars better than the back of my hand.
Tow Truck Driver: Whatever you say.
(Within minutes the car is hooked up to the truck and they are underway.)
Blake: This doesn’t sound like the regular 402, what engine does this truck have in it?
Driver: 595.
Blake: Nice! I’ve been trying to look for one of those to put in my old Stag. It’s original motor is sitting in that car.
Driver: Why are you taking a car like that on a trip like this?
Luigi: Part of a cheap car tour. $500 POS’s going on a journey of 2000 miles or so.
Driver: I heard something about that. I should keep my ears open, that Barlow Road is in terrible condition. You think any more competitors will take it?
Marc: I imagine all of them will.
Driver: Hmm, that could be lucrative.
Rhododendron, OR. At the auto parts store.
Blake: What do I owe you?
Driver: $115.
Blake: We keep this up we’re gonna spend more on traveling than we did on the car.
Driver: Seems crazy you’re bothering with that.
Blake: We’re bothering because this is the third run this car has been on. Come Hell or high water we’re gonna finish it!
Driver: Third run? Damn, guess there’s more than meets the eye.
Dispatch: Dale, you there?
Driver: Yeah, I’m just finishing up with a customer right now.
Dispatch: You’ve got another one, Barlow Road. Black Merciel hatchback.
Driver: I’m on it. Well, looks like I’m off, have a good day and good luck.
Blake: Thanks.
Luigi: Got what we need, They had both the control arm and ball joint in stock. Also rented a ball joint press and separator tool.
Blake: Excellent, let’s get to work. Time to cue the music!
4 Likes
Legend of Terms:
TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.
Saturday, 2PM-4PM
Weather Conditions: 67-88 degrees, clear or high clouds (Depending on whether the team is in the mountains, west of, or east of)
All vehicles are on US-26 West, OR-35 South, I-84 West
Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.
Next Waypoint: The Dalles, Barlow Road, End of the Trail Interpretive Musem
VicVictory:
TBDC: 106 mi OD: 1895 mi MRL: +3 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles, Barlow Road. Optional POI: Timberline Lodge (Stopping for dinner @ Ram’s Head Restaurant, will bleed into next time period). TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team is starting to feel fatigued.
@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 55 OD: 1967 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +3 Notes: Repair completed. Team is feeling slightly fatigued.
@Madrias
TBDC: 130 mi OD: 1889 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. Team is just starting the Barlow Road at exactly 4pm. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.
@Jaimz
TBDC: 115 mi OD: 1811 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +4 Notes: Team has refueled in Pendleton, OR. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH.
@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 122 mi OD: 1879 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.
@Zabhawkin
TBDC: 107 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +7 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Arrived at final waypoint @ 3:58pm. Final morale: +17 (High). Final fatigue: +13 (Slightly fatigued)
@conan
TBDC: 72 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +6 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Arrived at final waypoint @ 3:09pm. Final morale: +15 (High). Final fatigue: +14 (Slightly fatigued)
@Mythrin
TBDC: 88 mi OD: 1956 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road. Engine has started rattling and smoking, and the oil consumption has markedly increased. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.
@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 94 mi OD: 1856 mi MRL: +0 FTG: +7 Notes: Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 50 MPH are now impossible. Fuel economy penalty due to bad clutch. Another stretch of mountain driving is about to start. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.
@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 121 mi OD: 1878 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +5 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Dalles.
Assising repairs for Vri404 is complete near the end of the time period. TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.
@stm316
TBDC: 41 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +10 FTG: +5 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Arrived at the final waypoint at 2:51pm (FIRST ACROSS THE LINE). Final morale: +28 (Ecstatic). Final fatigue: +14 (Slightly fatigued)
The following vehicles are in packs or close together:
PRJ, Erin
Team Glitterstorm
“We can officially take our sweet time,” Fuzz said. “Looks like the winner crossed the line already.”
“Your cop buddies?” Jen asked.
“Nope.”
She arched her eyebrows. “Huh. I thought they were doing well last time we checked.”
“Yeah, guess they had an accident.”
“Oh no! Is everyone okay?”
“Yeah,” Fuzz continued. “Just scraped up their car and broke some suspension bits. Looks like they’re not throwing in the towel, though, so that’s good. But no, it was the guys in the G&W that won. Oldest car in the pack.”
Jen shifted her back around, trying to relax the knot that was forming in her back from the worn down seat. Her stomach grumbled at her. “Well, if we’re not going to win-win, and we know this thing will keep going, might was well make a stop.”
“Where you thinking?”
“Find some place up on the mountain? Maybe around Timberline Lodge?”
Fuzz’s eyes lit up. “Man, we haven’t been there…”
“… since Dad accidentally pushed Mom down the mountain the last time we went skiing,” the said in unison.
They laughed, and launched into an hour-long conversation reminiscing about family trips to Mount Hood’s fabled ski area, and the many stories surrounding their family’s adventures there, both winter and summer.
Just before 4pm, they pulled their little blue Ardent Smoke into the parking lot, and headed up to the Ram’s Head Restaurant for dinner and spectacular scenery.
5 Likes
OOC: “Accidentally” pushed eh?
TEAM OUTRIDERS
(In the parking lot of the auto parts store)
Blake: Okay, she’s together, give me that impact.
(Luigi hands Blake a cordless impact which he uses to tighten the control arm bolts)
Blake: A few years ago I never would’ve thought a cordless impact would have any kind of power to be useful.
Luigi: They have come a long way.
Marc: Zach and I stopped at Burger King, we got you something.
Blake: Thanks.
Luigi: Thanks.
(One of the spare wheels is bolted on and the car is lowered to the ground. A quick cleanup session later and the Enforcer is back on the road.)
Blake: Think we still have a chance?
Marc: Of not finishing dead last? I’d say so.
Blake: I meant taking first place.
Marc: Hell, I think by now someone probably crossed the line already. Damn ball joint. Those have always been a curse to me.
Luigi: You have that many problems with them?
Marc: In my twenties, every time I heard ball joint as the problem, that meant the entire contents of my bank account were gone to oblivion.
Zach: We’re on our way to finish though, that’s gotta count for something. Not everyone made it I understand.
Marc: Yeah, I do recall that husk back down the road.
Blake: You mean that burned up Bogliq?
Marc: Oh God, remember that one in our first run?
Blake: Oh yeah, I think those were the same guys. Poor bastards.
Luigi: Eastern wiring. Maybe they figure when it gets cold out, they can use their car fire to keep warm.
Marc: I thought you didn’t see a lot of those in Italy.
Luigi: Not a lot, but occasionally.
Blake: Not that the local Italian cars were without faults. (Phone rings) Hello? Hold on… It’s for you.
Zach: Who is it?
Blake: Mia.
(Zach takes the phone and presses the hang up button)
Blake: I’m shocked.
Zach: She made her bed. And apparently everyone but me lied in it.
Luigi: You mean you two never…
Zach: Nope.
Blake: Don’t take this the wrong way, but thank God!
Marc: Yeah, who knows what she would’ve given ya. Probably an outbreak of VD back home.
Zach: Well, that’s a little comforting I suppose.
Blake: Let’s get back on the mission at hand. We no doubt lost a few places, I want to make sure we don’t lose another one.
Marc: Yes sir!
3 Likes
Highway Hooligans
Day 3, Noon-2p - “The Pep Talk”
Jake held the wheel tighter as the engine roared, their car flying through the Dalles at a ridiculous pace.
“So, not worried about it getting impounded?” Cody asked.
“At this point, no. We stand no chance to win this thing, so we might as well beat the hell out of the car, and hope we finish this thing instead.” Jake replied.
“At least one good thing come outta this trip.” Trevor said. “You’re getting better at drivin’ stick.”
As the clock closed in on 4 PM, what remained of Team Highway Hooligans got a glimpse of Barlow Road.
“Oh my god, it’s going to rip the car apart.” Cody said.
“Gonna be a real pucker-fucker, that’s for damn sure.” Trevor said. He looked at Jake, who showed no signs of slowing down, instead noticing him hitting the “Antenna Extend/Retract” switch to raise their pirate flag one last good time.
“All hands, brace for impact. Full steam ahead!” Jake yelled, before flooring it. The engine roared, the turbocharger screamed, and the oil-pressure gauge went higher than it had ever gone before.
Aftermath:
Morale: +2 (+1) - We’re still in it!
Fatigue: +12 (+6) - It’s getting late, and this isn’t the most comfortable car in the world.
Waypoints: 9 (+1) - Just two more to go, and one’s in front of us.
Status: Confident that either they’re going to make great time, or an excellent wreck.
3 Likes
Team redneck day 3 0400-0600
Otis and Jake wake up at 5:00am, Jake starts cooking, while Otis packs up camp, not much is said, its early in the morning, still dark though the moon is still up to provide some light besides the lantern and flash lights.
After eating they Otis does the dishes while Jake checks over the truck.
0600-0800
Jake, “I think the camping out of the way might have set us back too far.”
Otis, “Maybe, but at least it kept people from messing with our stuff.”
Jake, “True, but we still lost about an hour” looks at the updates on the competition, “maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea, a bunch of stuff went on last night and we might have been delayed even longer.”
Otis, “What was going on?”
Jake, “Looks like someone removed most of the lug nuts of the Hooligans car, they almost lost their tire”
0800-1000
1000-1200
Otis pulls into the gas station to fuel up, as he is used to he starts to do it himself and is met by an attendant who starts yelling at him.
Attendant, “Hey you cant do that, you might get hurt!”
Otis, “What the hell are you talking about?”
Attendant, “You have to be certified to pump fuel!”
Otis, “Bull shit I been pumping gas since I was 8!”
Attendant, “Well you can’t here, it the law”
Otis, “Fine, I gotta use the shitter anyways”
1200-1400
Jake turns the corner to Barlow road, “That looks fun”
Looking at the road Otis comments, “Seen worse, but not anything I wanted to take over 25” as he sinches down his harness, and starts trying to grab anything that’s loose in the cab.
The truck pounds and slams its way through the road managing to bottom out both suspensions at times. The spare parts bouncing and shifting in the back don’t make matters any better. One of the ice chests explodes as it gets pinched between the not so spare engine block and the side of the bed sending spilling its contents of ice water and the remaining water bottles into the bed which leaks out of the drain holes and tailgate wetting the road.
Otis looks back to see what it was, “Don’t worry, keep going”
Jake, “Aint worried, were so close the whole bed can fall off for all I care.”
1400-1600
Whooo third place, we made it after a couple of doughnuts in the parking lot, which also saw the tailgate fail spilling the entire contents of the bed out onto the pavement.
Jake then finds the jumbo spit wad of toilet paper and lies in wait for the Hooligans to cross the line.
5 Likes
Legend of Terms:
TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.
Saturday, 4PM-6PM
Weather Conditions: 67-89 degrees, clear or high clouds (Depending location)
All vehicles are on US-26 West, OR-35 South
Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.
Next Waypoint: The Dalles, Barlow Road, End of the Trail Interpretive Musem
VicVictory:
TBDC: 62 mi OD: 1957 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -1 Notes: None. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team is starting to feel fatigued.
@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 53 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +3 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team reaches final waypoint at 5:01pm. Final morale: +15 (High). Final fatigue: +15 (slightly tired)
@Madrias
TBDC: 85 mi OD: 1974 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +10 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Barlow Road. Fatigue note: Barlow Road was not kind to this team. Many jarred teeth, and there is definitely a joint somewhere in the driveline making a horrible noise afterward. TEAM IS TIRED.
@Jaimz
TBDC: 84 mi OD: 1895 mi MRL: +4 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoints completed: The Dalles, barlow Road. Optional POI: Timberline Lodge (will be eating dinner, which will bleed through much of the next time period) TEAM MORALE IS EXTREMELY HIGH. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.
@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 90 mi OD: 1969 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +9 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Barlow Road was kind of harsh on this car, but fun nonetheless. TEAM IS TIRED.
@Mythrin
TBDC: 64 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +5 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team has arrived at final waypoint at 5:12pm, smoking and rattling
@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 41 mi OD: 1897 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +11 Notes: Waypoint Completed: Barlow Road.
Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 45 MPH are now impossible. Fuel economy penalty due to bad clutch. Barlow Road: Car made it under it’s own power, but it was very difficult given the conditions. TEAM IS VERY TIRED.
@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 92 mi OD: 1970 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +7 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road.
TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH. Barlow Road: Wasn’t particularly bad for this team. Team is feeling slightly tired.
The following vehicles are in packs or close together:
Team Glitterstorm
Fantastic dinner, and back on the road for the final stretch.
6 Likes
Highway Hooligans
Recap:
The mighty Dynamite hit Barlow Road at speed, and immediately, the team felt like they’d been thrown into a paint shaker tumbling around a cement mixer, hurtling down the world’s bumpiest highway. The first few seconds weren’t too bad, but then the suspension hit the bump stops, and all hell broke loose.
An explosion rattled the interior of the car. “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!” Cody yelled. “I just got an airbag in the fuckin’ ear!” He then proceeded to rip the side curtain air bag off of the passenger side of the car, and slam the cover shut, only for it to rattle open again. Another bump caused the sunroof to shatter and fill the front seats with glass, and also broke the neon tubes under the car. The hazard lights had come on by this time, as the car’s collision-detection system had detected an accident. The next bump shattered the driver’s side mirror, knocked a headlight out of the bucket, and sent the hazard light switch flying out of the dashboard, bouncing off of the center console, and out through the sunroof. It also knocked the ashtray open, and caused the glovebox door to fall off, landing squarely on Cody’s feet.
The car banged and rattled and squeaked along Barlow Road, every bump knocking bits of the interior loose and wreaking havoc on the remaining functional systems. By the time they left Barlow Road, the car was definitely not happy. The hazards were stuck on with no way to turn them off, the passenger side set of side-curtain airbags had gone off, the driver’s side windshield wiper was running, there was glass and ashes all over the interior of the car, along with cigarette butts, and most of the interior trim pieces were dislodged and scattered around the interior of the car. More worryingly, the dashboard was no longer completely attached where it should be, the sunroof had exploded, the gauges didn’t work anymore, and now there was a scraping, screeching sound from under the car that changed pace and pitch as they changed speed.
“Can’t believe the turd-box made it!” Jake said.
“Thank fuck that’s over! Why do I get beaten up by all the air bags?” Cody said, grumbling.
Trevor chuckled, then said, “On the bright side, according to our GPS, we only have to make 46 miles. I think the shit-bucket can make at least 46 miles, though it’ll probably die in the parking lot once it’s there.”
Jake flipped open the fuse box cover, then picked it up and tossed it into the back when it fell off of the dashboard. He pushed fuse 27 back in, as IVAN would be the only way to know what was wrong with the car now.
DING! DING! “Multiple System Failures. Immediate Servicing is Required.”
“Wow. We’ve broken it so bad that even Ivan can’t tell us what’s broken.” Trevor said.
Aftermath:
Morale: +3 (+1) - We survived Hell.
Fatigue: +22 (+10) - Bump Bump Bump, Another thing bites the dust.
Waypoints: 10 (+1) - One to go!
Status: Car is TRASHED. But the team’s okay. Just a little tired.
6 Likes
Team ‘Southend Or Bust’
Back on the road at last after hours of work, Southend or Bust were on the home straight. Just 50 more miles and they’d be finished.
“So then” inquired Seb, “you and Lyra?” he asked, directed towards James.
“Oh you know, pretty good” James said, blushing a little. “She does stuff on YouTube, gaming stuff you know”
“Damn James you’re just such an inquisitive person aren’t you” said Martin sarcastically, still trying to get ride of the grime on his fingers.
“Since when have we ever talked about the kinda stuff we talk about with girls, huh?” James fired back, a defensive tone in his voice.
“Alright alright, we don’t have to dig any further” said Martin - he turned towards Seb, who was in the drivers seat - “And anyhow, James has probably been using all of his cheesy pickup lines as always”. Seb chuckled.
“Hey” said James, even more defensively, “She likes my hair” he said proudly.
“Not as much as you do, of course” said Seb, referring to the rather extensive lengths James went to style his hair.
James sighed and gave up while the other two joked about it. It was to be expected; this always happened when any one of them started flirting. “Well hey” James said after a while, cutting into their conversation, “We’re gonna meet up at the finish line”
“Nice one mate” said Seb. “Just make sure it’s not a repeat of Biomedicine Katie”.
“Oh piss off” said James, and Seb and Martin returned to their joking.
With the Barlow Road cleared and Mount Hood towering above them, it seemed that nothing could stop them and Nancy from reaching the finishing line.
7 Likes