Go West Deathtrap Tour [FINISHED]

[BobLoblaw]

OOC: “Accidentally” pushed eh?

TEAM OUTRIDERS

(In the parking lot of the auto parts store)

Blake: Okay, she’s together, give me that impact.

(Luigi hands Blake a cordless impact which he uses to tighten the control arm bolts)

Blake: A few years ago I never would’ve thought a cordless impact would have any kind of power to be useful.

Luigi: They have come a long way.

Marc: Zach and I stopped at Burger King, we got you something.

Blake: Thanks.

Luigi: Thanks.

(One of the spare wheels is bolted on and the car is lowered to the ground. A quick cleanup session later and the Enforcer is back on the road.)

Blake: Think we still have a chance?

Marc: Of not finishing dead last? I’d say so.

Blake: I meant taking first place.

Marc: Hell, I think by now someone probably crossed the line already. Damn ball joint. Those have always been a curse to me.

Luigi: You have that many problems with them?

Marc: In my twenties, every time I heard ball joint as the problem, that meant the entire contents of my bank account were gone to oblivion.

Zach: We’re on our way to finish though, that’s gotta count for something. Not everyone made it I understand.

Marc: Yeah, I do recall that husk back down the road.

Blake: You mean that burned up Bogliq?

Marc: Oh God, remember that one in our first run?

Blake: Oh yeah, I think those were the same guys. Poor bastards.

Luigi: Eastern wiring. Maybe they figure when it gets cold out, they can use their car fire to keep warm.

Marc: I thought you didn’t see a lot of those in Italy.

Luigi: Not a lot, but occasionally.

Blake: Not that the local Italian cars were without faults. (Phone rings) Hello? Hold on… It’s for you.

Zach: Who is it?

Blake: Mia.

(Zach takes the phone and presses the hang up button)

Blake: I’m shocked.

Zach: She made her bed. And apparently everyone but me lied in it.

Luigi: You mean you two never…

Zach: Nope.

Blake: Don’t take this the wrong way, but thank God!

Marc: Yeah, who knows what she would’ve given ya. Probably an outbreak of VD back home.

Zach: Well, that’s a little comforting I suppose.

Blake: Let’s get back on the mission at hand. We no doubt lost a few places, I want to make sure we don’t lose another one.

Marc: Yes sir!

[Madrias]

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, Noon-2p - “The Pep Talk”

---

Jake held the wheel tighter as the engine roared, their car flying through the Dalles at a ridiculous pace.

“So, not worried about it getting impounded?” Cody asked.

“At this point, no. We stand no chance to win this thing, so we might as well beat the hell out of the car, and hope we finish this thing instead.” Jake replied.

“At least one good thing come outta this trip.” Trevor said. “You’re getting better at drivin’ stick.”

As the clock closed in on 4 PM, what remained of Team Highway Hooligans got a glimpse of Barlow Road.

“Oh my god, it’s going to rip the car apart.” Cody said.

“Gonna be a real pucker-fucker, that’s for damn sure.” Trevor said. He looked at Jake, who showed no signs of slowing down, instead noticing him hitting the “Antenna Extend/Retract” switch to raise their pirate flag one last good time.

“All hands, brace for impact. Full steam ahead!” Jake yelled, before flooring it. The engine roared, the turbocharger screamed, and the oil-pressure gauge went higher than it had ever gone before.

---

Aftermath:

Morale: +2 (+1) - We’re still in it!
Fatigue: +12 (+6) - It’s getting late, and this isn’t the most comfortable car in the world.
Waypoints: 9 (+1) - Just two more to go, and one’s in front of us.
Status: Confident that either they’re going to make great time, or an excellent wreck.

[Zabhawkin]

Team redneck day 3 0400-0600

Otis and Jake wake up at 5:00am, Jake starts cooking, while Otis packs up camp, not much is said, its early in the morning, still dark though the moon is still up to provide some light besides the lantern and flash lights.

After eating they Otis does the dishes while Jake checks over the truck.

0600-0800

Jake, “I think the camping out of the way might have set us back too far.”

Otis, “Maybe, but at least it kept people from messing with our stuff.”

Jake, “True, but we still lost about an hour” looks at the updates on the competition, “maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea, a bunch of stuff went on last night and we might have been delayed even longer.”

Otis, “What was going on?”

Jake, “Looks like someone removed most of the lug nuts of the Hooligans car, they almost lost their tire”

0800-1000

1000-1200

Otis pulls into the gas station to fuel up, as he is used to he starts to do it himself and is met by an attendant who starts yelling at him.

Attendant, “Hey you cant do that, you might get hurt!”

Otis, “What the hell are you talking about?”

Attendant, “You have to be certified to pump fuel!”

Otis, “Bull shit I been pumping gas since I was 8!”

Attendant, “Well you can’t here, it the law”

Otis, “Fine, I gotta use the shitter anyways”

1200-1400

Jake turns the corner to Barlow road, “That looks fun”

Looking at the road Otis comments, “Seen worse, but not anything I wanted to take over 25” as he sinches down his harness, and starts trying to grab anything that’s loose in the cab.

The truck pounds and slams its way through the road managing to bottom out both suspensions at times. The spare parts bouncing and shifting in the back don’t make matters any better. One of the ice chests explodes as it gets pinched between the not so spare engine block and the side of the bed sending spilling its contents of ice water and the remaining water bottles into the bed which leaks out of the drain holes and tailgate wetting the road.

Otis looks back to see what it was, “Don’t worry, keep going”

Jake, “Aint worried, were so close the whole bed can fall off for all I care.”

1400-1600

Whooo third place, we made it after a couple of doughnuts in the parking lot, which also saw the tailgate fail spilling the entire contents of the bed out onto the pavement.

Jake then finds the jumbo spit wad of toilet paper and lies in wait for the Hooligans to cross the line.

[VicVictory]

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 4PM-6PM

Weather Conditions: 67-89 degrees, clear or high clouds (Depending location)

All vehicles are on US-26 West, OR-35 South

Upcoming POI (optional, let me know if you want to stop at them for rest/sightseeing): Timberline Lodge, Summit Prairie.

Next Waypoint: The Dalles, Barlow Road, End of the Trail Interpretive Musem

VicVictory:
TBDC: 62 mi OD: 1957 mi MRL: +1 FTG: -1 Notes: None. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Team is starting to feel fatigued.

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 53 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +3 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team reaches final waypoint at 5:01pm. Final morale: +15 (High). Final fatigue: +15 (slightly tired)

@Madrias
TBDC: 85 mi OD: 1974 mi MRL: +1 FTG: +10 Notes: Waypoint completed: The Barlow Road. Fatigue note: Barlow Road was not kind to this team. Many jarred teeth, and there is definitely a joint somewhere in the driveline making a horrible noise afterward. TEAM IS TIRED.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 84 mi OD: 1895 mi MRL: +4 FTG: +6 Notes: Waypoints completed: The Dalles, barlow Road. Optional POI: Timberline Lodge (will be eating dinner, which will bleed through much of the next time period) TEAM MORALE IS EXTREMELY HIGH. Team is starting to feel slightly fatigued.

@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 90 mi OD: 1969 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +9 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road. TEAM MORALE IS HIGH. Barlow Road was kind of harsh on this car, but fun nonetheless. TEAM IS TIRED.

@Mythrin
TBDC: 64 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +5 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team has arrived at final waypoint at 5:12pm, smoking and rattling

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 41 mi OD: 1897 mi MRL: -2 FTG: +11 Notes: Waypoint Completed: Barlow Road.
Progressive clutch failure: Speeds over 45 MPH are now impossible. Fuel economy penalty due to bad clutch. Barlow Road: Car made it under it’s own power, but it was very difficult given the conditions. TEAM IS VERY TIRED.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 92 mi OD: 1970 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +7 Notes: Waypoint completed: Barlow Road.
TEAM MORALE IS VERY HIGH. Barlow Road: Wasn’t particularly bad for this team. Team is feeling slightly tired.

The following vehicles are in packs or close together:

Team Glitterstorm

Fantastic dinner, and back on the road for the final stretch.

[Madrias]

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, 2-4p - “Cliffhanger”

---

Recap:

@Madrias

As the clock closed in on 4 PM, what remained of Team Highway Hooligans got a glimpse of Barlow Road.

“Oh my god, it’s going to rip the car apart.” Cody said.

“Gonna be a real pucker-fucker, that’s for damn sure.” Trevor said. He looked at Jake, who showed no signs of slowing down, instead noticing him hitting the “Antenna Extend/Retract” switch to raise their pirate flag one last good time.

“All hands, brace for impact. Full steam ahead!” Jake yelled, before flooring it. The engine roared, the turbocharger screamed, and the oil-pressure gauge went higher than it had ever gone before.

The mighty Dynamite hit Barlow Road at speed, and immediately, the team felt like they’d been thrown into a paint shaker tumbling around a cement mixer, hurtling down the world’s bumpiest highway. The first few seconds weren’t too bad, but then the suspension hit the bump stops, and all hell broke loose.

An explosion rattled the interior of the car. “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!” Cody yelled. “I just got an airbag in the fuckin’ ear!” He then proceeded to rip the side curtain air bag off of the passenger side of the car, and slam the cover shut, only for it to rattle open again. Another bump caused the sunroof to shatter and fill the front seats with glass, and also broke the neon tubes under the car. The hazard lights had come on by this time, as the car’s collision-detection system had detected an accident. The next bump shattered the driver’s side mirror, knocked a headlight out of the bucket, and sent the hazard light switch flying out of the dashboard, bouncing off of the center console, and out through the sunroof. It also knocked the ashtray open, and caused the glovebox door to fall off, landing squarely on Cody’s feet.

The car banged and rattled and squeaked along Barlow Road, every bump knocking bits of the interior loose and wreaking havoc on the remaining functional systems. By the time they left Barlow Road, the car was definitely not happy. The hazards were stuck on with no way to turn them off, the passenger side set of side-curtain airbags had gone off, the driver’s side windshield wiper was running, there was glass and ashes all over the interior of the car, along with cigarette butts, and most of the interior trim pieces were dislodged and scattered around the interior of the car. More worryingly, the dashboard was no longer completely attached where it should be, the sunroof had exploded, the gauges didn’t work anymore, and now there was a scraping, screeching sound from under the car that changed pace and pitch as they changed speed.

“Can’t believe the turd-box made it!” Jake said.

“Thank fuck that’s over! Why do I get beaten up by all the air bags?” Cody said, grumbling.

Trevor chuckled, then said, “On the bright side, according to our GPS, we only have to make 46 miles. I think the shit-bucket can make at least 46 miles, though it’ll probably die in the parking lot once it’s there.”

Jake flipped open the fuse box cover, then picked it up and tossed it into the back when it fell off of the dashboard. He pushed fuse 27 back in, as IVAN would be the only way to know what was wrong with the car now.

DING! DING! “Multiple System Failures. Immediate Servicing is Required.”

“Wow. We’ve broken it so bad that even Ivan can’t tell us what’s broken.” Trevor said.

---

Aftermath:

Morale: +3 (+1) - We survived Hell.
Fatigue: +22 (+10) - Bump Bump Bump, Another thing bites the dust.
Waypoints: 10 (+1) - One to go!
Status: Car is TRASHED. But the team’s okay. Just a little tired.

[DeusExMackia]

Team ‘Southend Or Bust’

Original Post - Previous Post

Back on the road at last after hours of work, Southend or Bust were on the home straight. Just 50 more miles and they’d be finished.

“So then” inquired Seb, “you and Lyra?” he asked, directed towards James.

“Oh you know, pretty good” James said, blushing a little. “She does stuff on YouTube, gaming stuff you know”

“Damn James you’re just such an inquisitive person aren’t you” said Martin sarcastically, still trying to get ride of the grime on his fingers.

“Since when have we ever talked about the kinda stuff we talk about with girls, huh?” James fired back, a defensive tone in his voice.

“Alright alright, we don’t have to dig any further” said Martin - he turned towards Seb, who was in the drivers seat - “And anyhow, James has probably been using all of his cheesy pickup lines as always”. Seb chuckled.

“Hey” said James, even more defensively, “She likes my hair” he said proudly.

“Not as much as you do, of course” said Seb, referring to the rather extensive lengths James went to style his hair.

James sighed and gave up while the other two joked about it. It was to be expected; this always happened when any one of them started flirting. “Well hey” James said after a while, cutting into their conversation, “We’re gonna meet up at the finish line”

“Nice one mate” said Seb. “Just make sure it’s not a repeat of Biomedicine Katie”.

“Oh piss off” said James, and Seb and Martin returned to their joking.

With the Barlow Road cleared and Mount Hood towering above them, it seemed that nothing could stop them and Nancy from reaching the finishing line.

[stm316]

Team Wagons West

12PM- 2PM
Wookiee: “According to the notes, this is going to be the last of the rough road. After we clear this, it’s just into town and we’re done.”
Bill: It can’t possibly be too bad Americans look after their roads.
Beth: “The Barlow Road is intact as a dirt road in a roughly north–south stretch along Barlow Creek; other portions are pristine ruts up to six feet deep.”
Wookiee: Enough Wikipedia, already.
Toni: “Too bad Billy’s driving. This could have been fun.”
Bill: “Maybe they will have fixed some of it by the time we get there…”
Toni: “Or not. It’s a historical thing. Heritage, pride and stuff.”
Bill jumps on the brakes when he sees the condition.
Bill: “Once more unto the breach!!” (hits the juice, sprays dust).
Wookiee": “Slow down!”
Bill: “Not gonna happen! I’ll show you I can drive like Aunt Toni.”
Toni starts singing “Highway To Hell”.

After a short while, Wookiee looks at something on the roadside.
Bill: “What are you looking at? What is it?”
Wookiee: It’s that, um…
Toni: It’s a good sign, that’s what it is! It’s the Petosky.
Beth: The who-what-skee?
Toni: Old cop car. The one that had trouble when we started, they got left behind.
The Wallis drove past as the Enforcer was being pulled up onto the tow truck.
Bill: I guess we should thank them when they get to the end.
Wookiee: What?
Bill: Well, if they’d chosen a better car, they would still be in front.
Toni: Shut up.
(Google Maps says they went through the Rhododendron at about 1:50pm)

---

2PM - 3PM (okay, about 2:55)
Beth: We must be nearly done. According to the webpage… we’re… ooh. FIRST! Who’s updating this thing?
Toni: What do you mean first?
GPS: At the roundabout, take the second exit.
Toni: Piss off you pile of junk. That’s the long way.
Wookiee: Washington street. This is it. It’s down here, on the left.
Bill: On it. See, I can talk like you too.
GPS: Recalculating.
Wookiee: 2 minutes, and we’ll be there.
Toni: Let’s see if that computer phone of yours is right, Beth.

Bill pulled the Wallis into an empty bay in the car park. They had finished the trip… they had actually finished. A few words with the officials, and they were assured that they were first. They were then told that the next car would be arriving very shortly, somewhere around 15-20 minutes.

Toni: Bill, Wookiee. Get the sparklers and streamers out of the back, we’ll make the next car think they won.
With that, the celebrating began.

OOC: Let me be the first to thank our wonderful and talented host @VicVictory for this competition, sure I’ve been lax with the RP, but it was fun.
Also a thumbs up to all of the other teams… some of your RP was absolutely hilarious. Top notch work.

[VicVictory]

5 finished, 6 left on the roads, and many corpses by the wayside… almost all done!

[Mythrin]

End of Run - Kent Croissants

5:12 PM

---

“Come on you useless bastard just about half a mile” begged Aaron shaking the steering wheel to try to get the car to move faster.

The Friala was belching smoke producing great plumes behind it engine was rattling like mad and the oil gauge was getting lower and lower by the second.

“It’s going to blow up come on” said Damien who, as was Jordan trying will the car on via thinking forward thoughts.

As the car turned down the road to the final waypoint there was a final resounding sigh of relief that they had finally made it rattling and all. They were greeted by the sign of doughnut marks presumably from the T-25 and a giant red saloon car parked in on of the spaces.

Aaron parked the car and switched the engine off and all three got out of the car hugged it and whipped out some beers and leaned against the car.

–

“Holy shit” after a while Aaron had mustered up the courage to look under the bonnet and he removed the valve cover. “There’s no way we could’ve gone any further the valvetrain is absolutely effed” said Aaron in amazement.

He diagnosed damaged valve tips and ruined valve seals the cause of the smoking and rattling and

“If we do this again Jordan, please let us look at the car all together before you buy it please” said Damien from the other side of the car.

“And get something with more than 70 lame horses please” added Aaron jokingly.

“We’ve got to get this one back first” laughed Jordan.

“Please no” replied Aaron.

---

Fatigue: 29 total
Morale: 16 total

---

Epilogue

The Friala was brought back to England where it sat for a few months having the rear brakes converted to disks from a later model, the suspension modified, interior stripped out and racing stickers added. A new engine was sourced a 1.7 16 valve rather than the 12 valve original. The new engine was modified to produced 125hp and was the key to Aaron’s beginning of amateur rallying and received a thrashing.

---

OOC
The team will hopefully be back for next time and it was a great challenge thank you for @VicVictory for hosting!

[BobLoblaw]

TEAM OUTRIDERS

Marc: Seriously, you should consider plastic surgery. Do something about that hideous mug. You might find yourself a nice man if you did that.

Luigi: Screw off! My wife is perfectly fine with my face. Mind you, wife.

Marc: Please, we all know you probably pay her to be your wife.

Luigi: How do you manage to hold on to yours? I mean, pushing rope isn’t exactly common in lasting marriages. Unless you’re sixty. Oh wait, you’re not!

Blake: Hey, look ahead!

Zach: This is it!

(Finish line)

(After speaking with some officials, Blake returns to the car.)

Marc: How’d we do?

Blake: Fourth place.

Marc: I see…
(A summary of how my team kind of feels.)

Marc: Well, no sense moping, get your arms gentlemen!

Zach: What?

Marc: Have you forgotten? We have a green shitbox to exact revenge on. It is not here, which means we are to wait for it. Get the guns, and get the potatoes.

(The team sets up with four potato guns and a 25 pound bag of potatoes at the ready)

[VicVictory]

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Saturday, 6PM Onward

VicVictory:
TBDC: 63 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +3 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 7:05pm. Final morale: +16 (High), final fatigue +14 (slightly fatigued)

@Madrias
TBDC: 46 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +6 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 6:48pm (seconds ahead of the Erin of Southend or Bust). Final morale: +12 (Good), final fatigue +27 (exhausted). Fended off a last-minute pass attempt by Team Southend.

@Jaimz
TBDC: 125 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +2 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 9:07pm. Final morale: +26 (elated), final fatigue +15 (slightly fatigued)

@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 51 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +3 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 6:50pm. Final morale: +18 (High), final fatigue +23 (Tired)

@JohnWaldock
TBDC: 123 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +6 (using gravity from Mt Hood to just beyond Rhododendron alleviated many comfort issues temporarily) Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team refueled in Sandy, OR. Team arrived at final waypoint at 9:44pm. It was still moving under its own power, but due to severe clutch degradation, its top speed at the end was 25 MPH. Final morale: +12 (Good), final fatigue +31 (exhausted)

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 50 mi OD: 2020 mi MRL: +5 FTG: +4 Notes: RUN COMPLETED. Team arrives at final waypoint at 5:48pm, just seconds behind the Dynamite of Highway Hooligans (tried to give them a run for their money at the end but couldn’t overcome them)

Team Glitterstorm

“Aw, man!” Fuzz groaned as Teal Terror, the Glitterstorm rolled int the parking lot at the End of Trail Interpretive Center. “The Hooligans beat us!”

Jen shrugged and grinned. “Dinner was totally worth it. Oh my God, I’m still stuffed.”

She swung the little coupe deftly into a parking spot and turned it off. As they got out, she noticed some new… markings… on the paint of the Hooligans’ Dynamite.

“Wonder how many people they pissed off. Looks like they’ve had a few run-ins since we saw them last,” she noted.

Fuzz reached back into the car, pulling out a couple pieces of bread, and the leftover Grey Poupon and Vegemite. A twisted, evil grin grew on his face. “One more time, for old time’s sake?”

Jen giggled and nodded. She stood as lookout, making sure the Hooligans weren’t paying attention as Fuzz set to work. He first crept to the rear of the obnoxious green monster, but was disappointed to see that someone had plugged up the muffler outlet with a potato. He thought for a second, then decided on dipping balled up bits of bread in the two condiments and stuffing them as far down the hood cowling, below the wipers, as he could. Hopefully they wouldn’t notice right away…

---

“Hey, Babe,” Jen chirped cheerfully into her phone. “We’re all done.”

“Really?” Rick said, a hint of disappointment detectable through the handset. “The Terror didn’t make it?”

“No, no. The car’s not broken. No, everyone just finished early. I guess the organizers overestimated how long it would take all these lunatics to finish.”

“Huh. Weird. But hey, that’s great. You guys heading home then?”

“Not tonight,” she replied. “We’re kinda tired, so Fuzz and I are going to hit up a movie, spend the night here in Portland. We should be home before you get home from work tomorrow.”

“Can’t wait! I’ve missed you so much, hon”

“You too. Oh my God, I’ve got so much to tell you. This run was a real blast, so many weird things happened. We ran into a team of complete nut jobs, and ended up having kind of a running battle with them. It was hilarious.”

“Oh dear, what did Fuzz do to them?”

She laughed. “Maybe a little something with Vegemite.”

---

FINAL RESULTS

Time Winner: @stm316
Average Time Winner: Tie between @Madrias and @DeusExMackia - average finish was at 622pm.
Most Optional POI winner: @Jaimz
RP winner(s): @Madrias, @DeusExMackia, @BobLoblaw
Hard Luck Winner: @findRED19 - the dice REALLY didn’t like you. Your reliability just couldn’t stand up to your bad luck in that department.
“Zen” winner: @Jaimz - between cranky grandma delivering concussions and the overall good design of the Vango, this was pretty easy for me.

And now some design stats.

Best and Worst Drivability: Shromet Mystic (61.6) / Letto Merda (31.0)
Most and Least Sporty: Leeroy LM079 (45.2) / Shromet Mystic (3.3)
Most and Least Comfortable: Kageshima Progress (38.6) / Zaf 1000 (14.0)
Most and Least Reliable: Ardent Smoke (75.1) / Leeroy LM079 (53.9)
Most and Least Efficient (MPG US): Bonchon Masterpiece (34.1) / Leeroy LM079 (12.7)

Thanks again for playing this round! Perhaps another challenge will be soon on the horizon.

[LordLetto]

@VicVictory

Thanks again for playing this round! Perhaps another challenge will be soon on the horizon.

NP, Looking Forward to it, Hopefully I’ll have better luck next time.

[Madrias]

Highway Hooligans

Day 3, 4-6p - “Barlow Road Beater Bash”

---

Jake floored what was left of their once-proud Dynamite E5, the driveshaft rattling and banging against the floorpan of the car, as the driver’s side windshield wiper shuddered across the glass, and the hazard lights continued to flash. “You’re not going to pass us!” he said, driving hard despite only having the passenger side headlight to see with. Every bump in the road sounded like they drove over a canyon, and steam was rising from under the hood.

They hit the curb and bounced their way into the parking lot, forcing the Erin Berlose station wagon wide and giving Team Southend-or-Bust a difficult decision to make, between having a big accident mere feet from the finish line, or backing off.

The instant after they crossed the line, a wad of soaking wet toilet paper hit the windshield. “Aw, fuck me.” Jake said, as the windshield wiper hit the toilet paper and it ended up smearing over the window. “Can’t fucking see, and of course nothing fuckin’ works on this car anymore.”

DING! DING! “Multiple System Failures. Immediate Servicing is Required.”

There was a sudden loud bang, and another from inside the car as the driver’s side set of side-curtain airbags fired. “What the fuck!?” Trevor yelled, only to dive for cover as the windshield picked up a star-burst pattern from another flying potato. Several more chemically-accelerated spuds slammed into the side of the car, and Jake made a dive for a parking space to escape the incoming fire. One of the potatoes hit the last remaining headlight, and Jake ran over a toolbox, a cooler, and ripped the rear bumper off on the engine block laying in the parking lot. He hit the parking divider hard, and slammed into a light-pole, releasing all of the steam from the radiator in an instant.

When the team finally managed to bail out of the car, however, it was obvious how badly damaged the car really was, even before they had been hit by flying potatoes. Jake shoved open his door, and the door panel fell off, carrying with it the window switches and the map pocket, and when Cody opened the other front door, the dashboard tipped sideways and collapsed partly into the footwell. Trevor slid the rear door back the hard way, as the electric power door opening mechanism didn’t work anymore.

DING! “Y-Y-Your keys are are are are Error.”

For a few seconds, nothing more sounded from the dashboard, only for a final message to play.

DING! DING! DING! “Total System Failure. Vehicle Inoperable.”

“Yeah, we kinda knew that, Ivan.” Cody said. As the three of them cleared out what little they cared to grab from the car, the car alarm started going off, and nothing they could do would stop it.

“Someone pull the hood release.” Trevor said. “Can’t, Trev. The dashboard’s fallen on the release lever and it won’t move. And it’s blocking the fuse-box.” Jake replied, grabbing the tool kit from under the driver’s seat.

Thankfully, in the car’s battered condition, the battery didn’t last too long, and the car eventually went silent. The remaining members of the Highway Hooligans settled around a table isolated from the others, excluded from the party.

“So, what’s the big plan?” Jake asked, after a few minutes of looking over their bags, boxes, and supplies.

“Whaddya mean, ‘What’s the big plan?’ We’re stuck here with no way home, and it’s clear none of these guys are gonna give us three a ride to Chicago.” Trevor said.

“Was just thinking about something my brother always used to say.” Cody stated. “Always used to say, “When everything’s going wrong, you can always trust in good tools.” Never understood that stupid phrase, but I think he was trying to tell me something.” He reached over and grabbed the toolbox that Jake had rescued from under the seat. Cody opened the toolbox and found $2500 tucked away behind the screwdrivers.

“Well, it’s not much, but… It’s a start.” Jake said.

“Truth be told, despite him being family, I see no reason to waste this bailing his dumb ass out of jail. $2,500 is good enough to get something kinda reliable-ish to get us home. Or to hop busses most of that way. Might even be enough for three tickets, one way, on an airplane.” Cody said.

“A bit harsh, but to be fair, he didn’t need to jeopardize the whole race by having a conflict with the grannymobile, either.” Trevor said. “Plus, let’s face it, stealing our purple anodized wheel nuts, that didn’t seem like their kind of thing.”

“So, plane, bus, or shitbox?” Jake asked.

“Not sure. But it looks like the other teams are taking it out on that car over there.” Trevor said.

“You know, I’m feeling mean. Let Marcus deal with the impound fees on no cash. We’ve got a bit of money, let’s get some cheap shitbox and drive home. After we get a hotel room, and a shower.” Cody said.

Trevor nodded, then opened his bag and took out four bottles of beer. “Bought these before the trip even started. Was going to be for when we won, but I suppose finishing is as much a victory as actually winning.” he said, before passing two of the bottles over. “I suppose we’ve got a spare, but only one spare.”

“Not on my fuckin’ watch.” Cody said, taking the spare bottle.

---

Thank you to @VicVictory for hosting this challenge, and you can count on me to join the next one of these.

I just need to decide on whether we see a return of Twin-Snail or whether a different team will shine…

[HighOctaneLove]

Thanks VivVictory for another fun RP challenge and I look forward to participating in any challenges you choose to run in the future!

Sportiest, least reliable and least efficient… I’m lucky my team didn’t stuff my car into a ditch or shrubbery in round one!

[abg7]

What an enthralling conclusion to another compelling banger challenge! I’m sure there will be another one like it in the future.

[BobLoblaw]

TEAM OUTRIDERS
The Conclusion

Marc: Form line, make ready!

(The four men stand at the ready, potato guns in hand.)

Marc: Present!

(Potato guns are aimed at the Dynamite E5)

Marc: Fire!

POW! POW! POW! POW!

Marc: Reload!

(Potatoes are reloaded and propellant is sprayed into the chambers, end caps are screwed back on and the guns are once again brought to bear.)

Marc: Fire!

POW! POW! POW! POW!

Zach: Holy shit, I got his headlight!

Marc: Cease fire!

Blake: We can hit em again.

Marc: No, they clearly had enough.

Blake: In the spirit of things, I’ll see if they want a ride home. Caroline is waiting for us with the Stag and a flatbed.

Marc: What about us?

Blake: The car held up, drive it back.

Marc: (Throws Zach the keys) You’re the first one driving.

(Blake approaches the Highway Hooligans)

Blake: In the interests of sportsmanship, I have a truck here with a flatbed trailer if you guys want a ride back…

[Madrias]

Highway Hooligans
The Conclusion

---

As Blake approached the three remaining members of the Highway Hooligans, Cody looked up, then smiled and offered the fourth beer. “Thanks! We, well, won’t be needing the trailer. The car’s registered to Marcus, my brother, who got into… We’ll just say an ‘altercation’ and is probably somewhere in an Oregon State jail cell. As he left us with pretty much no money until after the challenge was done, we’re gonna leave the car here so he gets stuck with the impound fees. After all, he has a credit card.” Cody said.

Jake smiled, then said, “We’re from Chicago, so, long as we can get close, we’ll do fine. We were going to use this cash to buy a junker and drive it back, but, we’ll pay our way in gas, I suppose. The car’s a write-off. Even if it wasn’t falling apart, the driveshaft’s screwed up, and Barlow Road ripped it up something fierce.”

Trevor nodded, before adding in, “Plus, you wouldn’t probably want to transport that car too far. The trunk’s probably still full of fireworks. We didn’t get to use them all up, and we’d rather not get you guys in trouble for transporting those across several state lines. We’re planning on letting Marcus worm his way out of this. Wouldn’t be the first time he’s gotten out of trouble with the law. Last time was '95, he had me fix up this stupid green Dynamite XR-3 for some ridiculous race…”

“Yeah, let’s not talk his ear off, Trevor. Short answer is, my brother was a street racer, and he’s got a bit of a really bad temper. We’re letting him face the music, and leaving him the car in the condition it currently is.” Cody said. “But the three of us really need a hotel room before we even think of heading back. We stink, and if we tried to ride back now, we’d be sleeping in your truck.”

[Zabhawkin]

Otis and Jake are busy picking up tools and parts and putting them back into the tool boxes when the unmistakable sound of the Hooligans car can be heard approaching.

Otis, “Well damn I didn’t expect their car to survive to the finish” he looks in the direction of the approaching racket “Maybe survive is a bit too strong of a word for that thing”

Jake runs towards the finish line with the giant spit-wad of toilet paper and hurls it at the Dynamites windshield. Half a second later he leaps out of the path of the speeding car when he realizes that now they cant see where they are going.

The car slams into a tool box that he and Otis had been spending the last couple of hours gathering its contents back up, scattering everything including parts of the box all over the parking lot again, then hits the beer cooler destroying the remnants of the remaining crap beer before hitting the engine block sending it tumbling into the side of a parked car.

Otis, “Didn’t think that one through did ya”

Jake, “Do I ever”

Otis, “Nope, lets go see if their ok then go inside and get something to eat.”

Jake, “What about all the stuff.”

Otis, “Pretty sure the cops are coming after all the racket, let them keep an eye on it.”

At that Otis and Jake invite even the Hooligans to sit with them to celebrate and exchange stories.

[DeusExMackia]

Team ‘Southend Or Bust’

Original Post - Previous Post

–

The finishing line was in sight. The boys were feeling confident. Just half a mile to go.

Seb was at the wheel. “Yo guys, look” he said, pointing ahead. A lime green Dynamite E-5 was limping along the road. “That must be one of the other teams”.

Martin, sitting in the back, leaned forward. “We can pass them, easily” he said, assessing that something was clearly wrong with the drive train.

James grabbed his sunglasses - which oddly, he hadn’t been wearing too much this journey - and slid them on. “Floor it” he said.

Seb grabbed the shifter and rammed the autobox into the ‘gear 2’ selector. The 2.2l inline 6 gave a war cry in response, and Nancy lurched forward.

Realising what was going on, the Highway Hooligans floored it. Both cars were neck and neck for a good 100 metres, Nancy unable to pull forward because she was an underpowered land yacht, and the E5 unable to pull ahead because it was on the brink of self-destruction.

Suddenly, the E5 bounced and came hurtling towards the side of the Berlose. Seb yanked the wheel hard to the left, straight into the opposite lane.

“Seb pull back for fucks sake!” Martin yelped. There was an oncoming car that they were ploughing towards.

Seb hit the brakes and pulled back in behind the E5, which gained enough of a lead to finish well ahead of them. Nancy steamed across the line shortly afterwards. Seb parked and turned the ignition off.

They looked back a few minutes later to see it was on fire, with the team frantically trying to rescue the car.

“Shit” said James.

“Are you just going to keep speaking in short, ‘cool’ phrases now?” said Martin, mockingly making quotation marks with his fingers.

“I’m wearing my sunglasses, mate. I have to” he replied.

“Really now?” said Seb. “Because it ain’t working for shit”.

“You seriously need to practice your English slang phrases. That sounded like Google Translate trying to pronounce it” he retorted. James took his glasses off.

“Well hey, we did it, again” said Martin. “Did we actually end up winning anything this time?”

Seb reached into the glovebox and showed Martin the time keeping papers. They were completely empty.

Martin chuckled. “Well, that does that then”.

–

“Wait so how the hell did we win best average time?” said Martin, still trying to work it out.

“Not a clue. Must be good luck. Nancy’s a good ride it seems” said James.

“Shame we’ll have to sell her” said Seb. “But, we should get our money back, right?”

“Hopefully” said Martin.

James had spotted Team Ricebox parked nearby. “Right boys, we’ve got one night left before our flight leaves and I’m not wasting it, catch you later” he said in a rush, before running over to the yellow PRJ.

“Good luck” Seb shouted. He turned to Martin, “He’s gonna fuck it up isn’t he?”

“Oh no doubt” said Martin.

---

Another awesome competition @VicVictory, thanks for hosting! Well done to all the other teams who actually managed to survive to the end, and commiserations to those who didn’t. Looking forward to another one of these in the future at some point.

[BobLoblaw]

TEAM OUTRIDERS

Marc: How’d it go?

Blake: Well, we won’t need to haul their car back on the trailer, they’re gonna let their friend deal with the impound fees. Apparently he’s in jail.

Luigi: You could pull some strings.

Marc: Not in Oregon. I don’t know anyone here.

Zach: Tough break.

Blake: Well, they’re gonna spend the night in a hotel, I figure we should do the same.

(A pickup truck arrives, the driver waving to Blake, he waves back)

Zach: I didn’t know Mom was coming.

Blake: A little arrangement in case the car took a shit. I like to have fun but I’m 56, not really into getting stranded.

Zach: Listen, when we were talking the other day…

Blake: She doesn’t need to know. That being said, how are you feeling?

Zach: Tired, sore, a little disappointed about not winning, but also relieved that it’s over.

Blake: Not what I meant.

Zach: I know… Truthfully, I still hurt. But I feel better about it.

Caroline: Hey!

Blake: Hey babe.

Zach: Hi Mom.

Caroline: (Giving both a hug) And how are my two favorite men?

Blake: It was an adventure.

Zach: I had a blast.

Caroline: Really?

Zach: It gave me time to think, which really helped.

Caroline: Well, I’m glad. (Looks around) I thought you said there were a lot of participants. Looks like a junkyard.

Blake: Not every car made it. Speaking of which, I may have offered some people a ride home.

Caroline: What? Can you trust these people?

Blake: Not a chance. But they’re the ones with that car that looks like it went through Stalingrad.

Caroline: Wow. Your car doesn’t look to well either.

Marc: Close encounter with a guardrail.

Caroline: Oh my God! Ar-

Zach: We’re all fine. Just rattled a bit.

Caroline: Before we stray too far from the subject, where do these guys even live?

Blake: Chicago. So it’s on the way.

Caroline: Well, if you say so. You think the car will hold out?

Blake: I think that car would survive an atomic attack.

Zach: We’ll be fine.

Blake: It’s settled then, we get rooms at a hotel, and tomorrow we all set off. I’ll drive the hooligans in the truck, You ride with me. Zach, Luigi, and Marc will take the Enforcer home.

Luigi: We’ll have to make a detour in Denver, CO.

Marc: What for?

Luigi: I found a couple doors for a 2001 Enforcer on Craigslist. Same body style as our '97.

Marc: Too many murderers on Craigslist for my taste.

Luigi: Right, so make sure that heater of yours is ready just in case.

(Epilogue: Two weeks later)

(Blake, Zach, Marc, and Luigi arrive at a local city park. Before long a luxury car arrives accompanied by two semi trucks. When the car parks, a well dressed woman gets out of the car)

Blake: Ma’am.

Eleanor Ventnor: Glad you all could arrive. As you know I have taken a keen interest in your race. A chance to show off what it takes to bring down a Petoskey.

Marc: We didn’t win.

Eleanor: No, but you also didn’t give up. Our PR department is having a field day with the results. Proof on how tough a Petoskey really is.

Luigi: You mean…

Eleanor: I have three gifts for you. Get the backs of the trucks open and bring em out!

Marc: Holy shit! I didn’t think you were serious!

Eleanor: Of course I am. One for each of you.

Luigi: There’s no way any of us could afford the insurance or maintenance costs!

Eleanor: All taken care of. Just sign these forms.

Blake: (Reads through the form) Ventnor care policy?

Eleanor: In a nutshell, $15 a month will provide full coverage for repairs, maintenance, or anything else that may crop up. Other than that your only expense is gas.

Marc: Can you do that?

Eleanor: I own the company, I can do whatever the hell I want. Um, who are you?

Zach: Zach Worden, Blake’s son.

Eleanor: Why didn’t you tell me you had a fourth member on your team? I only brought three cars! Barry!

Barry: Yes?

Eleanor: Turns out there is a fourth team member, can we get another one for him?

Barry: We can’t the whole lineup is built and all are pre-ordered or sold.

Eleanor: What about simply building another one?

Barry: The factory is being retooled. You signed the order yourself.

Eleanor: Yeah yeah, the new Seneca Plant. Shit! I feel like an ass now!
(sigh) You want a job?

Zach: Me? Uh, um, sure.

Eleanor: Okay, take this card. Give that number a call in the morning and we’ll set you up. Welcome to the company. (Heads back to the car)

Blake: Hey son, you got a job!

Zach: Yeah, how about that?

Marc: Sounds like a sign if I ever saw one.

Zach: One more thing, if you guys ever do a crazy thing like this again, I want you to do one thing!

Luigi: What’s that?

Zach: Count me in! Then shoot me!

Thank you @VicVictory for hosting another challenge. I had a blast. And Whatever the future may hold, I know Team Outriders will be ready to take it on!