If people called car tech support as they do computers

Liked the Microsoft one so though I’d give everyone another laugh along the same lines :slight_smile:

HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!”
HelpLine: “Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?”
Customer: “What’s an ignition?”
HelpLine: “It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine.”
Customer: “Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
all these technical terms just to use my car?”

HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
Customer: “My car ran fine for a week and now it won’t go anywhere!”
HelpLine: “Is the gas tank empty?”
Customer: “Huh? How do I know?”
HelpLine: “There’s a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
markings from ‘E’ to ‘F.’
Where is the needle pointing?”
Customer: “It’s pointing to ‘E’. What does that mean?”
HelpLine: “It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some
more gasoline.
You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it
for you.”
Customer: “What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to
keep buying more components?
I want a car that comes with everything built in!”

HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Your cars suck!”
HelpLine: “What’s wrong?”
Customer: “It crashed, that’s what wrong!”
HelpLine: “What were you doing?”
Customer: “I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
way to the floor.
It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won’t
start now!”
HelpLine: “It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
expect us to do about it?”
Customer: “I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn’t
crash any more!”

HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
has automatic
transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes,
and power door locks.”
HelpLine: “Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?”
Customer: “How do I work it?”
HelpLine: “Do you know how to drive?”
Customer: “Do I know how to what?”
HelpLine: “Do you know how to drive?”
Customer: “I’m not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!”

Working in tech support myself, a lot of this rings very true! :mrgreen:

Those posts remind me of a guy who called the companys own help desk, where i worked at…

he said his monitor is malfunctioning;
we gave him a new one and talked a bit to him, but the screensaver started, which was just black;
he gets angry and hits the monitor on the side strong enough to make the mouse laser think he moved the mouse and therefore end the screen saver.

the guys comment " thats the same thing as with the old one"


How about the classic:

The cupholder on my computer broke!

I loved this one:
I plugged in the computer but nothing happens?

What did it do when you pushed the power button?

What power button?


One I had myself the other day:
user: I hooked up my monitor but it wont come on?
me: did the light come on when you pressed the power button?
user: no
me: are you sure the power cord is plugged in properly?
user: the only cord I connected goes to the computer
me: you should have 2 cord total. one going between the monitor and computer, the other going between the monitor and the power strip.
user: are you sure? I only see one on the monitor
me: did you happen to have a power cord on the floor that looks a lot like the computer power cord but a different color?
user: oh, yes there it is.
me: try plugging that cord into the monitor and the other end into a power outlet, then push the power button again.
user: ok hold on… hey it’s working now!

this is now a thread about laughing at silly computer users :laughing:

I once had a guy paste his password into IRC, then went round all the OPs asking for us to “remove” the line of text from the channel :unamused: then shouting at us when we said it wasn’t possible

The op reminds me of the it crowd

youtube.com/watch?v=nn2FB1P_ … ata_player

oh lord this all rings true D:

one i got today “my printer’s on fire! HELP!”

i know the guy - he likes to try this shit “is it really really on fire?”

“no, its just out of paper can you fill it for me?”


[quote=“MAC_HATER”]oh lord this all rings true D:

one i got today “my printer’s on fire! HELP!”

i know the guy - he likes to try this shit “is it really really on fire?”

“no, its just out of paper can you fill it for me?”



:laughing: :laughing:

Long ago when floppies were used a support tech told a users to send him a copy of the disk. The user mailed in a photocopy of the disk. :stuck_out_tongue:

I had a manager who showed me his method for sending a secure fax. He stuck what he was sending in an envelope first…

lol how do these people get to work in the morning never mind make manager :laughing:

I know of one person who had trouble sending a fax. They were holding the paper on the monitor then pushing send :unamused:

I know this isnt car or computer tech related but the stupidity is the same. Made me chuckle the first time i heard it.


Back in 56k modems era, a guy call the shop where he have purchased a modem few hours before.
-Hello, the modem you sold me isn’t functioning!
-Let’s see… have you connected the power cord?
-And the power led on the monitor is on?
-Yes, it’s green…
-So, turn on your computer and try to navigate
-Computer? What computer?
-The computer you want to use for Internet navigation…
-I don’t have a computer! The box says that the modem is required to navigate in Internet, no one told me that i need also a computer!
-Yes, you need a computer connected to the modem…
-You gave me false informations. Never mind, i’ll find a solution by myself. Bye.
(wonder to know this solution… :smiley: )

Luser (the L is silent): Your cars crap!
Tech Support: I’m sorry to hear that sir, what seems to be the problem.
Luser: It’s too slow!
TS: Which model did you buy?
Luser: I bought a Nissan Micra from you so I could do a lap of the Nurburg in 7 mins!
TS: What made you think a Micra would do a 7 min Nurburg lap?
Luser: That other Nissan dose it!
TS: Do you mean the GTR?
Luser: I don’t know these technical terms, FIX MY SLOW CAR!
TS: Sir, there is no way to make a Micra go around the Nurburg ring as fast as a GTR.

I actually did have one guy expect a recycled P4 machine, with half a gig of ram and an intel graphics chip, to run Modern Warfare 2.

I can’t help but be reminded of these two xkcd comics.



I loled so hard, I worked in tech support for close to 5 year and really do miss those days.

This is SOO true. I don’t really mind doing tech support and helping with others and their disabilities with computers. I do enjoy the tips that come along with it :smiley:

Reading the Nissan guy remember me a thing happened to myself some years ago.
Walking around with some friends, i spotted a Nissan dealership. We came in and start to look at the cars. Ah, there was a beautiful Silvia, prepared for drift races.
So, a seller came close to us and ask if we need some help.
Me: -Interesting cars you have here. Too bad you won’t import Nissan Sportcars…
Seller: -Nissan has NOT Sportcars in production…
Me: -Nissan won’t SELL Sportcars in Italy, it’s different. For example, the racecar behind you is a Japanese model and is not ufficially imported here…
Seller: (smiling)-Ooh no, you’re wrong, this is a racecar we put here for advertising but it’s NOT a Nissan…
My face became like this :open_mouth: so I noticed that the racing Silvia have the front badge removed.
Me: -ok, ok… so, if I want to import a Skyline, for example, can you help me find one and import it in Italy?
Seller: -No, we sell only Nissan cars! We cannot sell other brands!
Me: -But Skyline IS a Nissan!!!
Seller: -Listen, I’m working here for over 5 years and if Nissan sells a car named Skyline i would surely have been informed!
Me: -So you cannot sell Skylines…
Seller: -No, but we have good choices of Km0 Micras…