Liked the Microsoft one so though I’d give everyone another laugh along the same lines
HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!”
HelpLine: “Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?”
Customer: “What’s an ignition?”
HelpLine: “It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine.”
Customer: “Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
all these technical terms just to use my car?”
HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
Customer: “My car ran fine for a week and now it won’t go anywhere!”
HelpLine: “Is the gas tank empty?”
Customer: “Huh? How do I know?”
HelpLine: “There’s a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
markings from ‘E’ to ‘F.’
Where is the needle pointing?”
Customer: “It’s pointing to ‘E’. What does that mean?”
HelpLine: “It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some
more gasoline.
You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it
for you.”
Customer: “What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to
keep buying more components?
I want a car that comes with everything built in!”
HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Your cars suck!”
HelpLine: “What’s wrong?”
Customer: “It crashed, that’s what wrong!”
HelpLine: “What were you doing?”
Customer: “I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
way to the floor.
It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won’t
start now!”
HelpLine: “It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
expect us to do about it?”
Customer: “I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn’t
crash any more!”
HelpLine: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
has automatic
transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes,
and power door locks.”
HelpLine: “Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?”
Customer: “How do I work it?”
HelpLine: “Do you know how to drive?”
Customer: “Do I know how to what?”
HelpLine: “Do you know how to drive?”
Customer: “I’m not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!”
Those posts remind me of a guy who called the companys own help desk, where i worked at…
he said his monitor is malfunctioning;
we gave him a new one and talked a bit to him, but the screensaver started, which was just black;
he gets angry and hits the monitor on the side strong enough to make the mouse laser think he moved the mouse and therefore end the screen saver.
the guys comment " thats the same thing as with the old one"
I loved this one:
I plugged in the computer but nothing happens?
What did it do when you pushed the power button?
What power button?
One I had myself the other day:
user: I hooked up my monitor but it wont come on?
me: did the light come on when you pressed the power button?
user: no
me: are you sure the power cord is plugged in properly?
user: the only cord I connected goes to the computer
me: you should have 2 cord total. one going between the monitor and computer, the other going between the monitor and the power strip.
user: are you sure? I only see one on the monitor
me: did you happen to have a power cord on the floor that looks a lot like the computer power cord but a different color?
user: oh, yes there it is.
me: try plugging that cord into the monitor and the other end into a power outlet, then push the power button again.
user: ok hold on… hey it’s working now!
this is now a thread about laughing at silly computer users
I once had a guy paste his password into IRC, then went round all the OPs asking for us to “remove” the line of text from the channel then shouting at us when we said it wasn’t possible
Back in 56k modems era, a guy call the shop where he have purchased a modem few hours before.
(THIS IS A REAL STORY)
-Hello, the modem you sold me isn’t functioning!
-Let’s see… have you connected the power cord?
-Yes…
-And the power led on the monitor is on?
-Yes, it’s green…
-So, turn on your computer and try to navigate
-Computer? What computer?
-The computer you want to use for Internet navigation…
-I don’t have a computer! The box says that the modem is required to navigate in Internet, no one told me that i need also a computer!
-Yes, you need a computer connected to the modem…
-You gave me false informations. Never mind, i’ll find a solution by myself. Bye.
(wonder to know this solution… )
Luser (the L is silent): Your cars crap!
Tech Support: I’m sorry to hear that sir, what seems to be the problem.
Luser: It’s too slow!
TS: Which model did you buy?
Luser: I bought a Nissan Micra from you so I could do a lap of the Nurburg in 7 mins!
TS: What made you think a Micra would do a 7 min Nurburg lap?
Luser: That other Nissan dose it!
TS: Do you mean the GTR?
Luser: I don’t know these technical terms, FIX MY SLOW CAR!
TS: Sir, there is no way to make a Micra go around the Nurburg ring as fast as a GTR.
Luser: ITS A NISSAN! ALL NISSANS MUST DO IT!
I actually did have one guy expect a recycled P4 machine, with half a gig of ram and an intel graphics chip, to run Modern Warfare 2.
This is SOO true. I don’t really mind doing tech support and helping with others and their disabilities with computers. I do enjoy the tips that come along with it
Reading the Nissan guy remember me a thing happened to myself some years ago.
Walking around with some friends, i spotted a Nissan dealership. We came in and start to look at the cars. Ah, there was a beautiful Silvia, prepared for drift races.
So, a seller came close to us and ask if we need some help.
Me: -Interesting cars you have here. Too bad you won’t import Nissan Sportcars…
Seller: -Nissan has NOT Sportcars in production…
Me: -Nissan won’t SELL Sportcars in Italy, it’s different. For example, the racecar behind you is a Japanese model and is not ufficially imported here…
Seller: (smiling)-Ooh no, you’re wrong, this is a racecar we put here for advertising but it’s NOT a Nissan…
My face became like this so I noticed that the racing Silvia have the front badge removed.
Me: -ok, ok… so, if I want to import a Skyline, for example, can you help me find one and import it in Italy?
Seller: -No, we sell only Nissan cars! We cannot sell other brands!
Me: -But Skyline IS a Nissan!!!
Seller: -Listen, I’m working here for over 5 years and if Nissan sells a car named Skyline i would surely have been informed!
Me: -So you cannot sell Skylines…
Seller: -No, but we have good choices of Km0 Micras…
so I noticed that the racing Silvia have the front badge removed.