Hello!
I’ve been following this game for a while now (Discovered through WhyBeAre back in 2015) and have been playing on my own for a few years now. Watching people like TwinTurBros and Consider also helped me improve my cars to the point where I felt it worthy to make a forum account to post my stuff here.
I’m also a semi-funny (not) writer so I like to give my cars descriptions very akin to the way Rockstar writes descriptions for their overpriced GTA Online cars.
1989 Gotha Brise HX – “The Sensible Choice.”Are you disillusioned with all the BMWs and Mercedes speeding up and down the Autobahn right on your tail? Do you have an allergy for anything that mildly deviates from the dictionary definition of “sensible” or “logical”? Then the Gotha Brise is the practical sleeper hatchback for you. Under the unassuming hood is a very modest 2.2L 5 cylinder engine producing a very sensible 163HP. It’s got just a little pep, but weighing in at just 1200kg, it’s much easier on the petrol than that 5 Series that just blew by you at 180km/h. Twice the distance for half the price!
163bhp is more than what most hot hatches had in 1989 - the Brise’s trump card of an extra cylinder, plus an additional door on each side (although a 3-door variant would also be nice) is icing on the cake.
And some more of the Gotha Brise.
1990 Gotha Brise GTi – “Golfs are for Conformists.”Picture this. It’s 1990, you’re a dashing 21 year old German. The Berlin Wall has fallen, your family whom you’ve been seperated from by concrete and iron for four decades is finally able to get a taste of real German motoring, a refreshing break from the humdrum Trabant 601s and Barkas B1000s. Introducing the Brise GTi. It’s like a Golf GTi, only with 2 more doors and 1 more cylinder. The 2.2L 5 cylinder has been tuned to produce 185HP whilst still being fuel efficient enough to drive from what was East Berlin to Brandenburg and barely see the fuel needle tick down to the third bar. While the interior isn’t exactly “in-your-face” sporty, that’s not what matters. What matters is the subtleties, you have a tape deck for all your U2, FEX and Nena casettes, foglights, sporty alloys, red trim and the all important GTi 16V badge on the tailgate. This is the pinnacle of youngster’s motoring.
There’s nothing classy in being loud, and the Brise GTi is that perfect blend between being sensible and being daring.
1990 Gotha Brise RTi – “The GTi is for Cowards.”So you think the “defanged sensibleness” of the Brise GTi is an affront to the archetypal hot hatch, to you it’s not a hot hatch – it’s merely a “lukewarm” Brise HX in fancy dressup. Just for you, the Brise RTi is a GTi built for those with a death wish and a need for a machine worthy of getting your money’s worth on the Autobahn. You do not buy an RTi for the practicality of a Brise, you buy an RTi for the bragging rights that you own an RTi.
The 2.2L 5 cylinder is back, only this time with fuel injection to all five cylinders and a fat turbo strapped to it, pushing a healthy 265HP that can definitely keep up with even Porsches on the straights, whilst maintaining the nimbleness of a GTi. Hiding underneath the veneer of that shiny turbocharged engine (complete with red valve covers) lies another one of the RTi’s secret weapons: Unlike it’s siblings, the RTi gets its power delivered to all four corners. In the hands of a German, it’s basically a miniature Porsche 959 for a fraction of the price, and in the hands of a Finn or a Swede, it’s basically halfway to being a Group A rally car. And of course, potent power needs matching potent looks.
The RTi comes with sporty fender flares, a front fascia reminiscent of a Group B rally car, different lights, a big hood scoop, a big spoiler and of course bright red paint with matching red leather interior trim, along with a little boost gauge just off to the side of the instrument cluster that told your passengers that you were daring without saying anything at all. What more could you want out of a truly red-hot hatch?
The RTi also came as a 3-door hatchback, although only about 9,000 were produced.
Looks good! Although that RTi is more powerful than ANY Audi at that time 
1970 AvtoKAZ 1200 – “By the Party, for the People.”The KAZ 1200, commonly nicknamed “Cигарета” (“Cigarette”) for the smoke that came out of the exhaust pipe or “Мало” (“Little”) for both it’s small but spacious size, small 1.2L engine, and the fact that when it launched in the summer of 1970, the waiting list for one near instantaneously grew to upwards of seven and a half years. The 1200 is the epitome of the phrase “people’s car” – a car built by the people, for the people – or at least that’s what they were led to believe. It’s the bare minimum of what qualifies as a people’s car. Inside is very sparse, everywhere that could be cost-cut was cost-cut, so no listening to All-Union for you on the AM/FM stereo, which doesn’t exist in this car. As the name 1200 implies, it came with a standard carburated 1.2L 4 cylinder engine coughing out 57HP paired to a mildly sticky 4 speed manual gearbox. 0-100km/h came in an agonising 25.4 seconds, but you’d likely never be able to go that fast on the streets of Moscow without a not-so friendly chat with the Militsiya, as their 1300s could easily keep up with you.
1971 AvtoKAZ 1500 Special – “By the People, for the Party.”Whilst the proletariat were able to get their hands on a 1200 or even a 1300 if they knew the right people in the Politburo, the 1500 Special was only avaliable in either export markets or to Party officials (albeit not a very high-ranking Party official) and the Secret Police. Equipped with an uprated 1.5L twin-carburated 4 cylinder pushing out 70HP with the 4 speed manual, it also came with a variety of obvious details that signaled that while under communism; Everybody’s equal, those with a 1500 are simply more equal than everyone else. With your 1500, you get two foglamps, a passenger side mirror, nicer hubcaps, a chrome exhaust and muffler, chrome grille detailing, a glovebox with a light in it and most coveted of all: an AM/FM radio. Interestingly enough, the 1500 Special was also the only trim where black was an optional colour.
1979 Narcotici 290 GTS Fallimento Speciale – “Smoke and Mirrors.”Here’s a question: What’s your favourite flavour of white powder? Salt? Sugar? Something a little less legal and/or sweet? For many wise guys fitted with concrete slippers as punishment for getting caught with bricks of white powder, often the last thing they see before being sent to sleep with the fishes was a Narcotici 290 GTS. Despite Narcotici’s notorious reputation having the most unionised factories in Calabria in the 1970s, build quality issues like panel gaps and the laughable excuse for rust-proofing, and reliability problems like engine fires that actually weren’t a product of foul play, the 290 was the flagship of stylish Italian motoring in the late 1970s and early 1980s. I mean, most of the press photos were taken with airplanes and along the Sicilian coast, even though a fair number of 290 GTSs would only ever see the streets of New York City or soak up sun on a Miami beach. Equipped with a naturally aspirated 2.9L V8 pushing just an olive over 264HP, paired to an only ocassionally troublesome 5 speed manual gearbox, there’s definitely the speed to match the style of the lovely dame sitting in the passenger seat.
The inside does make up for the build quality, as you get your choice of either black or tan leather upholstery, a premium cassette tape deck, four auxillary gauges and just as many ash trays; two for you and your dame’s Lucky Strikes, and another just for your prized Cuban cigars, and one more for holding little dime-sized plastic baggies of your favourite white powder. Every Italian man has his priorities, and Narcotici has you all figured out.
1984 Onichan Seijo GXL – “The Blander the Better.”There really is nothing quite as bland, dull, uninspired and conformist than the Seijo. It’s name literally translate as “Normal” in Japanese. Equipped with a perfectly fine 1.8L 4 cylinder pushing about 86HP paired to either a 4 or 5 speed gearbox, it does exactly what it needs to do – nothing more and nothing less – quite literally, this is the dictionary definition of the word “car”. Inside is an ocean of grey plastic, grey cloth seats. The styling was done by a six year old, given the estate car-esque angle of the C pillar. On a street this would not stand out in the slightest, in a video game this is the low-poly car that you barely catch a glimpse of as you speed by in something much more interesting than this.
1985 Onichan Seijo #19 Group B Rally Car – “Never a Dull Moment.”What happens if you give a team of maniac Europeans and a blank cheque a Seijo and a V6? What you get is a Group B fighter. While it’s no Delta, 037 or even a 205 T16 for that matter, it’s still a highly capable machine on the dirt and mud. The 1.8L 4 cylinder has given way to a 4.2L turbocharged V6 pushing just over 501HP to all four wheels, everything inside that isn’t strictly necessary has been taken out to save weight, and everything that is necessary was also taken out to save weight, and in its stead a rollcage and two bucket seats have taken their place. Along with it are the cosmetic changes: wider box fenders, a front lip with a license to kill, and a rally wing so large it’s borderline comical. The #19 car sponsored primarily by Kargay was the only Seijo to ever see dirt, and for all its looks, had an overall unremarkable career as a rally car – save for a handful of wins in 1985 and 1986 – before being retired to a museum somewhere in Oulu. How befitting.
Unfortunately that would impose a minimum weight of 1300 kg in Group B. The original 1.8 capacity would be more typical for a forced induction Group B engine… while the power is pretty much on point for the period
The Seijo Group B does fall into the 1300kg range (1317kg if my memory is correct)
