Stage 14:
Shippingburg to SR Starting Area, Nevada through the Rift
Temperature at mid-day: 20°C
Weather Conditions: Dead calm, with a cloudy dark blue sky, very slightly humid.
Camp Challenge: None. (Unofficially, “How fast can you leave the heat?”)
After what had been, quite honestly, a very long journey, it was time to return back to Earth. For the final time in Nehmenweld, thousands of horsepower resonated from several exhaust pipes, some in good shape, some rusty, some that were barely there at all, before everyone headed for the exit gate, another of those amusingly simple metal sheds with a portal in it.
Unlike the first time, there was almost no hesitation from teams as they drove into the navy-blue darkness. Headlights cut through the “night” as the various battered and beaten cars rolled into the land of no stop-signs, no speed limits, and no gas stations. As a result, people drove in the convoy as intended, making stops for fuel as required, as well as a major stop caused by a number of broken down vehicles.
Finally, the exit was in sight, and everyone rolled out into the hot Nevada sun, greeted immediately upon arrival by wind-blown dust that rustled over everyone’s vehicles, dirtying already filthy, fading paint even further. As the celebrations had been performed the night before, this year, people were free to depart immediately, or if they really wanted to, to stick around long enough to grab a burger or two from Kayden’s grill.
Results Here: SR2023 Stage 14 - Google Drive
And for something a little different, instead of individual write-ups, as we’re all traveling as a group, I’m writing out our “stage blurb” as a group instead.
For most of the teams who had already survived the grueling challenge, driving home through the Rift was a peaceful experience, complete with a nearly 12 hour rest right in the middle of it, courtesy of several major breakdowns.
The break started when the reliable old bus, Priscilla II, suddenly lost power. Not really wanting to stop, the crew in the Juggernaut offered a tow, which was accepted, and for almost another hour, disaster had been averted. Unfortunately, it didn’t stay that way, as the dry-rotted tires on the Juggernaut started to pop under the strain of dragging a bus, one by one, until they were forced to stop as well to replace all of the tires.
The crew in the IVERA Executive, the Willow, and the Papillona all got out to help with repairs as needed, floating from car to car, team to team as miniature disasters and minor catastrophes erupted all around them. Whether it was the driver of the Ambassador, in a moment of boredom, deciding to fry the rear tires until both tires burst, the crew of the VanGo trying to debug the electrical gremlins causing their gauge light party, or the Ilaris Imbe finally going silent after sounding like a bunch of empty spray paint cans in a cement mixer, there was plenty to fix.
Of course, Kivenaal got his promised moment to try driving the Sanju Wolverine while everyone was busy fixing things, and managed to “break” the suspension in 15 minutes. Of course, Marie instantly got the blame for it from the number of times she’d hit potholes, the rear bumper of the Rugger, and various other small things over the course of the rally. The “breakdown” was really nothing more than a broken bolt letting the driver’s side front shock absorber loose, causing a very uncomfortable ride. With a spare bolt, a jack, and a lot of swearing, the shock absorber was fixed, and Kivenaal spent a few more minutes driving circles around the impromptu parking lot.
As for the other issues… The Spy Kids popped one of their tires and had to find Jayde, something that was surprisingly easier-said-than-done in this mess. Kate’s 1325 Facelift overheated badly when sitting still, explaining her need for speed in most stages.
Eventually, the VanGo’s obnoxious electrical gremlin was fixed, the Ambassador’s rear tires were replaced with a couple of spares from those who had similar tires available, the 1325 had cooled off, the Spy Kids eventually found Jayde sitting up on the roof rack of the Home Unit and convinced him to fix the tire, and the Ilaris was eventually resuscitated with an oil-pan completely filled up with gear oil to keep it at least quiet for the remainder of its trip back to Earth.
As the vehicles left the Rift in an orderly single-file line, they rolled out into the sandy, dusty hell that was Nevada in April.
Kayden set up a small grill and started a batch of burgers, but it was Kasiya who decided to address the crowd himself by climbing up on top of the Home Unit and speaking loud and clear enough to be heard by everyone there.
“We started in the sand, here, at this point, 14 days ago. We finished in the sand, here, after a trial that most people would never have gone through. For both teams and their cars, this was a trial by fire. Kaylie and Rukari have given me a list of people who won something, they want me to read it for all of you, but, in my opinion,” Kasiya said, holding the papers up, “everyone who participated is a winner!” At that point, he tossed the papers in the air and jumped down with a heavy thud, like someone had dropped a small car in the sandy parking lot.
Team Shift Happens
Total Time: 201:18:54
VS Mobil Generator AB
Total Time: 162:20:30
Team M.A.D.
Total Time (Walkenhorst): 129:31:25
Total Time (Sakura Citrine): 140:42:36
Team Sinesian Rejects
Total Time (Ilaris Imbe): 180:06:50
Total Time (Itan Ute): Did Not Finish
Team Not-So-Slow
Total Time: 168:36:33
The Ambassadors
Total Time (IVERA Executive): 151:07:42
Total Time (Mayland Ambassador): 143:11:18
The Knockouts
Total Time (1325 Facelift): 121:49:12
Total Time (Papillona 606 S): 146:30:36
Team Mravolinski-Chitco
Total Time: 171:13:31
Team HETS
Total Time: 216:25:31
Team Flaming Gallahs
Total Time: 146:17:35
Team Friendship! 
Total Time: 145:12:54
Team Hillbilly Rollers
Total Time: 220:34:07
Team Sane Insanity
Total Time: 160:21:30
Faolan Industries
Total Time: 169:51:20
Team Taciturn
Total Time: 141:56:04
Team ReUnity
Total Time: 56:28:30
Team Spy Kids
Total Time (Reekayns): 162:29:56
Total Time (Mocabey): 91:21:49
Team J3
Total Time: 239:13:33
Team Aeromad
Total Time: 188:34:21
@Tzuyu_main & @FallingComet
Team Black Rabbit Disavowed
Total Time (Seikatsu): 103:47:26
Total Time (Dauer): 111:48:22
Sheriff Scott’s Posse
Total Time: 147:15:29
Team “486”
Total Time: 74:29:36
Team Magdelena
Total Time (Baumhauer): 162:04:07
Total Time (Hinode): 116:38:45
Team Machinas Con Passione
Total Time (Blue Wonder): 136:14:22
Total time (Faenza Spirito): 116:19:34
Cunning Stunts
Total Time: 141:07:00
Team Till D End
Total Time: 184:58:03
Basedworks
Total Time (RV): 145:24:24
Total Time (MCMOTD): 113:16:18
Team Gunship
Total Time: 158:10:03
4 Dicks in a Truck
Total Time: 119:26:01
And so there it is, the conclusion of Shitbox Rally 2023!
Unlike last year, where I announced winners of little awards for fun, well, I didn’t plan for that this time.
What Kasiya said is pretty much my thought pattern - Everyone here is a winner, because all of you made a cast of characters and a car or two, then threw them into this trip.
Things will be different next year. Yes, I’m confirming now that, life permitting, there will be a Shitbox Rally 2024. Some things are certain to change - We’re going a bit more back to basics. No power unit in camp, aggression goes away, and we go back to one vehicle. Some rules will be simplified. Other rules will be added. There’s a plan to limit the length of breakdowns. If we can make it work, something new and exciting coming for reliability.
What am I saying? Basically, I’m saying that I do listen. We can’t please everybody, but we can at least make a few changes to keep this challenge running smoothly.
About the only hint I can give you guys that’s set in stone is that I’ll be breaking the “one team per person” rule to field two teams. Shift Happens will return as the host team, but… The Highway Hooligans weren’t lying either - They will return.