Shitbox Rally 2024 - Journey to Holsia (Entries Closed)

Team Firulais

A Rather Heated Discussion, and a Rather Rushed Flight Plan

Late Night of March 25th, Ángel’s Apartment, Vladivostok, Russian Federation

Someone knocked right on Ángel’s Door… Guess what? The neighbor who owned the car Ana crashed into a few days ago is not exactly happy.

Sergey (Ángel’s neighbor):“Посмотрим, ты…”
Ángel:“Прежде чем вы начнете, нет, это не я повредил вашу машину.”
Sergey:“Тогда кто? В конце концов, это ты всегда создаешь здесь проблемы…”
Ángel (nervous):“Да ладно, господин Сергей, я ничего не делал…”
Sergey (clearly angry… besides, he’s 35cm taller than Ángel…):“…”
Ángel (this is when he admits the truth):“Эй, успокойся… Вообще, если хочешь, я бесплатно устраню поломку…”

This is what I can get of the conversation… Clearly, Ángel got rocked. But, to translate, Sergey asks Ángel if he damaged his car… Initially he says “no”, but later Sergey pressures Ángel, as he’s the troublemaker of the building. Later Ángel admits the truth, and offers to fix the damages for free… and, well…

Sometime later, Ángel has 25.000 Rubles less in his pocket, as well as having recieved a punch in the gut, which is agonizing for him (ouch).

So, in order to take revenge, and also, make it to the Starting Point in Nevada, he secretly got Ana’s Credit Card… Ángel was evil at times, but, for now, he’d use it only for the flights needed to take both the Team and the Aurora to Nevada.

After booking some flights on Japan Airlines, and paying roughly 3 times the car’s worth for it to be flown to L.A., he slept until 5 AM, when he got ready to wake everyone up with his Frying Pan.

Early morning of March 26th, Vladivostok International Airport, Vladivostok, Russia

To everyone’s displeasure, the Flight, or, should we say, the Flight Routes would be quite strange. Or, should we say, messy, as Ángel is not great at planning stuff. But they would have to take several planes… One which would take them to Beijing, as there were no flights which could get them to Tokyo (let alone L.A.), then another flight to Tokyo-Haneda, and then the flight across the Pacific to Los Angeles… Yeah, it was quite the air trip. Although, Ángel had programmed something well. See, he somehow managed to find a cargo flight from Vladivostok to L.A. straight ! The only problem was that it would take off a day after the Firulais would take off… But, seeing things in another way, that was actually good, as it would mean the Team and the car would arrive simultanously-ish to L.A…

…and so, the voyage began.

Noon of March 28th, Los Angeles International Airport, Los Angeles, California, United States

Ana:“Who knew the flight from Tokyo to here would delay due to the weather?”
Tomás:“Yeah, I know… At least we’ve arrived. I hope Emiliano will take care of my dog.”
Andrés:“I’m pretty sure he will.”
Josué:“It’s so good to be back… Wasn’t here where we met?”
Ana:“Yeah, we met here… but… anyone has seen my credit card? I haven’t found it yet…”

Before Ana could search further, Ángel arrived with the Aurora… while the car had a few problems passing thru customs, it got thru. For the team that was a win.

Ángel:“OK, Crew, are we ready?”
Josué:“Why aren’t we flying to Nevada?”
Ángel:“I wanted to test the car a little for a short trip. After all, we don’t want it to be the worst thing possible for the long journey in Aetherii, right?”
Ana:“I just hope I’ve left my credit card here… and that the Aircon works…”

It didn’t, but at least the car didn’t break down on the way to Nevada.

Past Midnight, March 29th, SR Starting Area, Nevada, United States

Team Firulais arrives with it’s morale thru the roof… That is, until they realize the need for somewhere to sleep other than the tents. So many questions and so few answers. But I guess those would eventually be solved across the rally.


never done something like this before so here goes

Part 0: Pre-Rally-Post-Email-Prep

March 11th, 2024

alec’s laptop gets an email notification
Alec: “Hm? Oh, email.”
alec opens the notification and reads through the email
A: “…Shitbox Rally? The hell is this?”
he reads the last line
A: “Holsia? That’s not- that’s not a real place, is it? Hang on…”
he opens discord on his laptop and goes to the friend group chat
A (typing on discord): “Hey, can you two get on call rq? I’ve just gotten a weird email from someone”
Kiara (on discord): “Yeah sure ive got a minute”
Sienna (on discord): “alright will do”
alec starts a call, sienna and kiara join it
S: “Hey, so what’s up?”
A: “Yeah, I’ve just gotten this email from an address I don’t recognise, it says something about the ‘third annual Shitbox Rally’, whatever that is.”
K: “Oh, ok. Uhh- can you send it here?”
A: “Yeah, give me a sec.”
alec copy pastes the email into the group chat, sienna and kiara read through it
S: “Mmm… It says they’re going on April Fools’ Day. Could just be some kind of elaborate April Fools’ prank.”
A: “Yeah, entirely possible. Actually, hang on…”
he goes to google, searches up google maps and types ‘Holsia’ in the search bar
A: “That’s the name of a makeup artist in New York. I- okay. Are they planning to drive from Nevada to this specific shop in New York or something?”
K: “Might be? Considering the weirdness of some race events nowadays, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
the group is silent for a couple seconds
K: “…Actually, when was the last time we did something together? Like, in real life?”
sienna and alec are silent
(both at the same time):
A: “I… I don’t remember.”
S: “Yeah, I don’t-… I- I can’t remember.”
K: “Exactly. We haven’t done anything for god knows how long, so why shouldn’t we do this?”
S: “…Fair point. We’re- hold on…”
she looks through the email quickly
S: “Uhhhh- ‘Show up at our starting area in a vehicle costing $2000 or less’. I doubt any of our cars fall in that margin.”
A: “Yeah. Even if they did, I wouldn’t want to end up wrecking any of them.”
K: “So does that mean we’re gonna have to buy a new car?”
A: “Certainly seems like it.”
K: “Right… Give me a minute.”
she opens ebay
K: “Uhhhhmmmmmmm… Ah! Found something.”
S: “Yeah? What is it?”
K: “2003 Paladin Mace, on sale foooor… $900. This- ooh. Oh, no, that’s not good.”
A: “What’s not good?”
K: “Uh- Several things. One of the wheels just isn’t there, the boot’s rusted, says here one of the back doors is jammed… and probably a lot more they didn’t list.”
S: “Doubt you and Alec couldn’t fix it, though.”
K: “Fair enough. Are we buying it?”
S: “Yeah, better than nothing.”
A: “Yep, sure, go ahead.”
K: “Alrighty…”

March 13th 2024

the trio are all at alec’s house, currently in his garage. they’ve had the car delivered from the seller and are currently working on it
A: “…Aaaaaaaaand that is the hood… done. God, that took way longer than it should’ve. How’re you doing, Kiara?”
K (inside the car): “All good, just trying to get the steering wheel on.”
A: “Nice. Might as well start with the wheels. Sienna, can you help me with this?”
S (on her tablet, researching): “Uhh- Oh, sure.”
she walks over to alec and helps him fasten the wheels on the car
S: “Still can’t believe we got these for so cheap.”
A: “Yeah… probably gonna raise some questions when we get there, though.”
S: “Mmm… How many other people do you think are gonna be there?”
A: “Not many, probably only like 3 or 4 teams? Doubt that many people would willingly drive all the way out into the middle of Nevada to participate in a possibly not real rally.”
S: “Fair point.”
the two are silent for a couple seconds and then sienna hesitates
S: “…Wait, this is a team event, right?”
A: “…Yeah?”
S: “D’you think we- do we need a team name?”
A: “Oh. Oh, we probably do, don’t we?”
S: “God, uhh… hang on.”
she goes to her tablet, opens google, looks up and goes to ‘Team Name’
S: “Uhhhm… colour… animal… three random adjectives, whatever… right. None of these are good.”
A: “Hold on, let me see…”
he goes over to her tablet and looks at the generated names
A: “Yeah, these are all too generic. Uhm…”
he sits down on the floor next to the car and thinks for a while, only to be interrupted by kiara opening the door which hits him in the head
K: “Well, that’s the door unjammed- Oh.”
A: “Owww. Watch where y- Oh.”
K: “Oh god, sorry. What’re… What’re you doing?”
A: “Trying to come up with a name for our team.”
K: “Oh. Uh, do you have anything so far?”
S (still at her tablet): “Nope. Nothing.”
K: “Rrrright. Euhmmm… Give me… I don’t know, give me a chemical element.”
A: “Uhm- Argon?”
K: “Okay… We’ll call ourselves The Argonites then.”
A: “…Yeah, I like that. Got a nice ring to it.”
S: “Mmm, yeah, that sounds good.”
K: “Well, that’s settled then.”

March 14th 2024

the finishing touches are being applied to the car. sienna is currently applying a decal to the side of the car that says ‘the argonites’ in black text
S: “And that’s the car done, I think.”
S (shouting into the house): “Come look at this, guys. Decals are done.”
alec and kiara walk into the garage
A: “Wow. That’s… certainly something.”

K: “Ooh, very nice. Let’s just hope it starts, then.”
the three of them get into the car, sienna in the driver seat, alec in shotgun and kiara behind sienna
S: “Right, then.”
she presses the ignition button on the dashboard. the engine sputters slightly, but it runs. the three of them sigh with relief
A: “Well. Car’s working. Have we got the stuff?”
K (gesturing behind her): “Yep, already packed it.”
A: “Alright. Should we go, then?”
he gets out of the car and walks into the house, making sure everything is locked and then opens the garage door. sienna drives the car out of the garage, alec closes the door, gets back in, and they head off down the road

End of Part 0


Team Name: Honey I Bought a S#!tbox
Clara Danver - Human - (21, F, Driver and Engineer)
Vivian Speed - Human - (22, NB, Navigator)

Yes im aware submissions closed already, but I had to enter via proxy because I had a new account, so this is just information for the public on my team. Unfortunately I can only upload one image at a time, so for now, you will just get the front of the car, and some team photos below (more info & pictures on the discord)

Car and lore:
The T4 Pablato was made as a low cost city car and commuter for Astral’s new range of affordable cars in the 70’s. Millions were produced, but being an astral, it wasn’t the most reliable car in the universe. Resultingly, they are incredibly cheap in todays market. The example modified for the teams rally was a first generation Pablato. Being a gen 1 comes with all the problems a T4 of this age would usually experience. Slipping belts, faulty alternators, and a horrible case of understeer. This vehicle particularly shows obvious signs of shoddy repair work to the rear left wheelcover, with plastic panels bolted on, and the boot catch being replaced with a door handle from some other make of car. The rear right light has also cracked, but is still road legal as it is functioning. All this damage and the problems that come with a 50 year old car means the car was priced at only $885.
Despite these shortcomings, due to it’s aluminium construction, the body panels are only suffering from some moderate surface rust, and the 80.7hp engine gives it enough oomph per kg to push it up most moderate inclines, as well as being spectacularly efficient at cruising speed (automation does not reflect this accurately, testing in Beam showed an MPG of 71)
The team have used the remaining budget of $1115 to fit off-road tires, attach a winch to the subframe, and add some general traversal equipment such as 2 jerry cans, some sand plates, 2 shovels and some spare tires that have been placed in the back seat. They were also given a spare belt from the pervious owner, who bought it in case the common issue did arise.
As a weight reduction measure, the backs of the rear seats have been removed, as has the
A CB radio kit has also been installed in the car, and is hooked up directly to the cars battery.

The team lore:
Clara has loved cars since she was a kid. Her dad was a delivery driver and would sometimes take her out with him to deliver parcels for his clients. When her dad got sick she had to step up and take over the business to keep the household afloat, and the better paying gigs were always to far and remote locations outside town, and the faster they were delivered the better. Her dad also drove an astral, and although this was a T5 van and not a T4, it still had the same basic design philosophy of “make it faster, make it cheaper”. Her father eventually recovered, and she moved on to Uni, but there was a part of her that always yearned to return to those long trips at speeds that definitely were not safe on the roads she was covering.
Vivian is much the opposite of Clara. They were always good at geography and cartography, and graduated with a bachelors degree in the latter. They never really had an interest in cars, but when word spread of a well funded rally thousands of km long, across a variety of terrains, with navigation hurdles and obstacles, they had to get in. Unfortunately they didn’t have the resources or connections to join a professional team, and the dream seemed dead in the water. However, not all was lost. Vivian’s friend Clara (whom they ha met in at Uni) had found out about another rally. A rally on the cheap. A rally, for s#!t boxes.
Soon, the pair began conspiring to ditch their studies, their responsibilities, for a trip like no other. They got a car, they got the paperwork, they got… married?
Yes, as it turns out the pair had fallen in love with the project, and eachother. But don’t think that they were giving up on the project, far from it. This was now their honeymoon, and what better way to relax, then a gruelling, thousand mile journey, across every kind of terrain imaginable, in a car literaly falling to peices.




Team Chitco
Part 0a: Getting to the start

Amanda, greatest annoyance of this team, arrives to start

Amanda and her house were travelling rather comfortably on the road at speed and dont ask what the speed is: apart from being decently fast ofc, you aint getting more info
Anyway, our favourite person (not) has descended upon yet another supermarket and parts store, this time not encountering any potential robbers

She that for some unknown reason to any logic had encountered mix of problems right when she decided to take from parking lot

-WTF was reaction of some guy that was loading the groceries.
Amanda exited the car and saw two small issues on pavement
-They likely wouldnt give a flying fuck about noise…but this might be tad bit of problem
-Not your business

With that she got back into car promptly drove it off parking lot and realised its tad bit more sluggish than she is used to
-Oh…that would be last thing i need to deal with
And with that she deactivated parking brake and continued onward

-This seems straight…
Song seems appropriate

There was healthy amount of passing she did on said straight and quite some distance was eaten up but eventually she finds that in distance lurks biggest enemy of big American landbarges


Due to the fact her car would happen to be big (5.65m long and scaling tad bit above 2351* kg) American AND landbarge, she started slowing down

*-this figure would only partially account for stuff Amanda may happen to carry that isnt part of the vehicle; mass of vehicle ready to drive with her in driving seat is mere 2318kg ( about 66 pounds off figure in picture, in case you prefer imperial)

Whenever she finds the space to do so (basically any straight patch of road that is not occupied by other cars) she puts her foot down and lets the engine do the rest of the work

-Sir, I need you to halt right there. I’m Officer Gaspedal. We’ve received reports of disturbing the peace involving a vehicle matching the description of the one you’re driving. I need you to step out of the vehicle slowly and keep your hands visible at all times.
-What seems to be the matter, Officer? How did i disturbed the peace?

She had asked the question but it seemed she was well-aware of what was reason for this stop

-Ma’am, we received reports of a disturbance involving a vehicle matching the description of yours. Witnesses reported loud noises and disruptive behavior in the vicinity. Can you please provide me with your driver’s license and vehicle registration?

Amanda complied: she has driving licence that originates from Araga
and had registered car in US for time being

-Was this complaint mayhaps related to something known as doing a burnout?
-Thank you, Amanda. I’ll need to verify some information, so please bear with me.

He takes the documents and returns to his patrol car to run a check on the vehicle and Amanda’s license. After confirming the information she provided, he returns to her side.

-Your vehicle does appear to have a history, but everything checks out legally. As for the complaint, yes, it seems there were reports of excessive noise and what may have been a burnout. Can you provide any additional information about what happened?
-To put it simply: i step on gas and burnout happens
-Understood, Amanda. I appreciate your honesty. I will need to remind you to refrain from such actions in the future.
-Am i free to go?

He thought about it

Given that everything checks out legally and you’ve been cooperative, yes, you’re free to go, Amanda. Just remember to drive safely and responsibly. Have a good day

Documents are given back and she has continued. Few patches of tire marks still remain as she didnt want to join on absolutely glacial pace

-I really need to work on that…might need to replace tires less if i figure out feasible strategy

Due to the fact some asshole also did a burnout ahead, but unlike Amanda, was not able to keep it on the road…she was now in traffic jam.
Thankfully asshole was fine but same couldnt be said about his car…or utility pole he hit

As she neared the starting line she started to grow worried as she saw that there werent many options if she wants to keep her movement off the tarmac.
She had an idea however…which will promptly be presented on Discord conversation below

-Perfect…and strangely peculiar…

At around 1:30pm she was there and deciding to get in parking area dedicated to event as smoothly as possible…until one of front wheels found some small rock.
Revs had risen and tires chirped

-I guess its fine: they might blame that rubber on road on one of their drivers being over-enthusiastic with throttle

Amanda had also relocated her stuff to rear bench and utilised couple of towels she brought for this special occassion to hide said rear bench from view in this manner:

With that, she gets out and gets ready to interact with rest of present people.

Meanwhile in Kontir...

-Who tf… upon seeing some black sedan passing them as if they were standing still
-Thats fast
-It woke me up that shit
-Such a shame.

Unfortunately road they intended to go on would soon end up being closed and, seeing that roadworks are underway for quite some time already, detour was decided on.

-If Google Maps are accurate here, we will arrive there at roughly 2pm
-Sounds good.
-Im hungry

Apart from driver, other two looked at Bong

-You know what, we could grab something to eat…

What was not deemed excelent was fact that just couple of minutes later, group was again in truck and Andrea was doing her best to bring down the estimate back to 2pm.
Pace had dropped down when such estimate was achieved.

-Seems we will be roughly on time.
-They said that this whole day is fine to arrive; tommorow is troubling
-Yeah but getting to know others is big part of fun.

There was silence as they thought about proper reason to speed up.

-Where is that asshole anyway?

Rest could do nothing but shrug over the question

-If she does something that might kick us from rally…i may forgive her but that wouldnt be quick forgiving
-Im pretty sure hosts will keep her in check.
-Wouldnt like to depend on them for that: they can do so and could pick-and-choose who will handle her misbehaviour, but would really not want to give them more job than they already have

There was silence before someone who isnt Andrea spoke

-We will not doubt that she knows how to behave like that. She is an asshole but knows time and place to be as such.

They had arrived and decided to anounce their presence to hosts
Andrea decided she will take the initiative

-I will clear that with them

And with that, she has went in rough direction of hosts

Current situation with members: where they are and what they do atm
  • Amanda is avaiable and currently looking around. Due to her entrance to parking producing tire squeal and engine has revved, first ones to be interested in her presence might do so due to noise she caused.
    Rest of group arent actively aware she is already here, which is not helped by the fact they dont know what her car looks like. They do suspect she might had arrived before them.
    She arrived at 1:30pm

  • Andrea is going towards Shift Happens to announce team Chitco is now present. She arrived at 2pm.

  • Bong, Pi and Jakasxandra are all at Kontir. Like Andrea, they are also present since 2pm.

All are avaiable for roleplay

Snork's Tuners - prologue

How A Trio Of Finns & A Brit Cross An Ocean, A Continent, And The Stream Of Time.

Test Drive, And The Discovery Of A Discrepancy

March 26th, 3pm, local time

Snork stood at the entrance of the garage, tapping his wrist in time with the stopwatch he clutched in his paw, waiting in his boilersuit for the car’s growling V6 befitting for a truck to come into earshot, as all the ears atop his head detected was the sports car being built to order behind him, which unlike the Trisky currently on a test drive through a few back roads was an actual self-respecting car worthy of the Snork’s name. Before Snork had the opportunity to fear the worst, he finally heard the distant groaning of the rally car, and not long after its plastic bumper poked its way into view behind a house at the far end of the street. With a click Snork looked at what the timer stopped at. An 11 kilometer route, in that much time… He told Eddie to go easy, but this time was not promising. Snork wiped the concern off his face as he led the Trisky into the garage where he could ask the test driver about the car they spent the past few weeks designing.

“It’s garbage,” Eddie proclaimed as he was pulling off his helmet, answering Snork before he even said a word.
Snork responded, forcing out a chortle, “Hah, well, isn’t that what this rally is about? Seeing how far one can go with how little?”
Noticing Snork’s anxiety, the fillyjonk who stood over two feet above him recoursed, “It’s vexing, really,” Eddie strolled to the back of the garage as Snork followed, “It understeers on throttle like you’d expect, but above 100 kilometers an hour it has off throttle oversteer like it’s MR, but snaps back in line when I hit the brakes or gas.”
“Oh,” Snork eventually added a follow-up question as they entered the hallway behind the workshop, “was that while the diff was opened or locked?”
“Does it drive any better with the diff locked?”
Eddie cracked a grin to Snork while knocking on the door to Madds’ office, “Yup, drove like an ordinary FF.”
“We could keep the diff locked the whole time…tires won’t like that though.”
“Wouldn’t be the only thing- Ah, Madds! Just the guy I want to see.”

Madds had opened his office door, revealing behind him a desk covered in a mess of papers, as if nature was using its processed matter to smother and reclaim the Earth from industrialization, starting with this office space. Madds made a quick attempt to neaten his desk as he invited in his furred business partners, the fillyjonk among them set his paw on the cubic computer console sat on the corner of the desk, leaning his weight upon it as he asked in his naturally cool tone.

“Quick question, I know you already sent an electronic letter to our mysterious rally liaison all about the specs of our car, but can we do some tuning? There’s some kinks that have to be worked out.”
Madds used one of the several short stacks of paper on his desk as a mousepad, but after a minute of waiting for the window to load, he huffed and thumbed over one choice stack to produce a printed copy of the rules, “Uhh, sorry, no. Says only one entry allowed per team, plus entries closed a few days ago.”
Eddie’s paw curled into a fist as he let out a disappointed tsk, followed by a groan, “Well thems the breaks. That’s all I have to ask.”
As Eddie turned to leave, Snork perked up and asked Madds, “Remind me, where and when does the rally start?”
“Um…” Madds rummaged through his mess of paper, “The liaison gave us coordinates down to an arc second. They said it’s in Nevada, United States of America, and we have to be there 1st of April…”
“Gosh, that’s less than a week. But wasn’t this rally in…Holisa? Holsia? Is that a neighboring state? …Madds?”
Madds was utterly confounded, even checking his emails as a realization dawned on him, “You know how we collectively dismissed that 2024 as some code naming convention? I’m starting to think that’s the year.”
Snork suddenly matched Madds astonishment, “But that’s-” he pulled out his pocket watch, “32 years from now!”

A Comical Solution

While they were both at a loss for words, Snork’s mind was racing, soon coming up with an utterly mad idea that pulled him to the upstairs lounge, scouring in a box of old news papers tucked beside a sorely underused bookshelf until he found exactly what he was looking for, a portion of one very specific comic serial across a week worth of daily papers. His memory refreshed, Snork left the workshop in a hurry, stating he was going out for a quick errand, though not without first sharing a brief word to one of his mechanics, “Kristina, is that the same Khorosho from Monday? That car needs to be out of the garage by the time I get back.” That tuned compact would indeed be gone when Snork returned, haphazardly dropping a clock, an antique sewing machine, and a cheap radio onto the garage’s cement floor for Madds to see, who was awaiting his return.

“Snork! What the hell are you doing!?”
“Recreating something brilliantly stupid. Where’s Eddie?”
“He clocked out- and that doesn’t really answer my question.”
“Damn, could’ve used his help. Anyway, I know I don’t talk much about my early life in Moominvalley, but for a rural countryside hidden on the coast it’s real a hotspot for misadventures, mostly in relation to The Moomin family.”
“Again, what the hell are you talking about?”
Snork returned to his car to show the news papers he brought out, “From the mid 50s to around 1975, the more exciting of The Moomins’ happenings were catalogued in - among other things - London’s Evening News. A few comic serials in particular focused on a time machine accidentally built from this stuff here.”
Madds held his head in a loss for words, “My god you old troll, you really have lost your mind! Your idea of attending this stupid rally is building a time machine based off some old comics?”
Snork furrowed his brow, offended, “Just because it’s a comic doesn’t automatically mean it’s fiction! I know this pushes the envelope on plausibility, but these comics are based on true stories. I know the Moomins personally.”
Clearly still unconvinced, Snork placed a paw on Madds’ shoulder as he glared into his eyes, “I’ve seen the comet with my own two eyes.”

With a heavy gulp, Madds went silent for a while, until Snork convinced the mechanical apprentice and computer wiz to help disassemble the random appliances with occasional corrections based on their comic directions. “Save the radio for the final step…Don’t worry about sorting…Sure, put it there. The point is to not second guess anything…Can you bring me a magnet? It’s crucial.” The two worked into the evening, using their minimal knowledge on electric appliances to rebuild the sewing machine while also including every little gear and spring from the clock. Unfortunately, even after plugging the radio into the disaster of a contraption and hanging a horseshoe magnet on a random corner, the thing just sat there, motionless. Frustrated, Snork stomped and kicked the machine, and that concussive maintenance caused a cloud of mist to rush out from the machine. The house troll and the human just looked at each other, the former ecstatic and the latter flabbergasted, but both certain that the rally would not be nearly as far away as they feared.

Arriving At The Starting Area

March 30th, 1992, 8am local time

Snork set down a landline phone, having concluded a call to the manager of Snork’s Helsinki workshop, leaning back in his office chair to recollect himself, knowing what was to come. The time machine had been thoroughly tested and still worked with the addition of more precise gears, and today it will send four people and a car into the future. The rumble of an arriving motor brought Snork out of his anxious mind, and he stepped into the garage to see Anton pulling luggage out of the back of a station wagon, with Eddie assisting whilst listing advice about the Trisky.

“…And there’s some wheelspin in second too, so it almost feels like two gears in one if you’re pushing it. And unless we need to pick up the pace, always double clutch; I don’t trust the old stock gearbox will handle the extra torque from the turbo.”
Eddie raised his voice to ask Snork from the opposite side of the garage, “There’s a spare gearbox in the trunk, right?”
The house troll nodded, “Yeah, plus spare shocks and springs, a battery, fluids; anything that is likely to break down, there’s a spare of in the tool box.”
Anton, the last to be privy to the time machine, naturally pointed to the weird ticking machine set on the bonnet of their rally car as he questioned its existence, to which Madds - who started helping pack luggage behind the bucket seats - answered matter of factly, “It’s how we’re going to Nevada in 2024- Don’t. Just don’t question it.”
Anton however did question it as he got into the driver’s seat, “Wait…shouldn’t we have to go to Nevada first?”
Snork corrected him as he climbed onto the bonnet, paws on knobs screwed onto gears which were fitted to the main driving wheel of the time machine, a wheel originally meant to spin thread, “Hush, all they had to do to go to the wild west or ancient egypt was think about it. Madds! Coordinates, please.”

Madds, who was in the passenger’s seat, read out the coordinates of the rally’s Earthly starting location, and with those numbers in his mind Snork waited for Eddie to get ready, sat atop the spare wheels on the roof before rotating the annual gear 31 times. Immediately, sparkly fog surrounded the car, and once Snork stopped they found themselves in the middle of a desert, all alone. This was to be expected as Snork then engaged the daily gear to finely adjust their place in time, rotating 7 times until the misty aberration of the team and their purple car solidified right when and where they needed to be…

March 30th, 2024, 7pm local time

Snork turned around to see his team and his car had joined him safely on their trip, but as the mist faded he saw that their car was surrounded by RVs and other glitzed beaters, many teams consisting primarily of humans. From the campsite that they found themselves in, it dawned on him and his team that this was not the sort of rally they prepared for, as they hadn’t brought much beyond clothes and hygienics. They’d focused so much on the car’s performance, reliability, and weight that they hadn’t considered the necessity of caring for themselves, an issue that went so far as lacking space for the whole team to fit in their ride, so all Snork could do was step away from the time machine and tuck his tail between his legs, holding the tufted tip hoping their ill-fitting preparation would not prove too disastrous for Snork’s Tuners.

(PS OoC: This is the first time I’ve done roleplay in a forum. It’s a much different form than writing a book, I try to remind myself. I’ve done plenty of edits to trim the scenes down to be less like slow paced story chapters and more like play scripts while not sacrificing non-verbal communication and characterization. I’m also aware that my own decisions of one character who is not an OC, plus adherence to my own pre-existing lore has bloated the complexity of the introduction of Snork’s Tuners, for worse or better.)


previous post of the team

THE ARRIVAL done in cooperation with @Knugcab

Two aliens in the UFO curiously look at Rudolph, Chantys plush elk she got in Sweden. It seems the two alien like it.

Dwiiduidi. TWidlqewtafds?


Soon after, the Primus Legacy was beamed to the surface, with the Rhino Squad slowly waking up.

Where are we? Is this… wait, a desert? WE ARE LOST!

CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! I have a bad hangover. Would you stop screaming and pass me the bottle of water?

The car continued the 15 mile journey to the campsite. It seems another team was brought by the UFO, a black old car was following them. Chanty, as usual, was listening to her headphones, Thomas to 80s bangers, and Jan tried to find the answer to the following question: “What am I doing here?”

Thomas turned into the registration queque, the black car that turned out to be an old IP closed up soon, as Chanty messed the papers up and the guy registrating the cars was a bit annoyed to complete the puzzle.

Suddenly, the high beams of the IP light up, annoying Thomas even more than usual since his hangover makes him react sensitive to bright light. And if that was not enough, a Dixie horn was blazing at full volume.


Thomas reacted by activating the rear foglights and turning up the volume, giving the IP occupants a dose of Modern Talking.


After 15 minutes that seemed like an eternity, the Primus was granted entrance, and Thomas drove to the designated spot.

Daddy, where is the hotel? I need to change clothes, I don´t feel like the band of my current shirt any more…

What hotel? Do you see one? This is not like Sweden where I could rent the best place for an atrocious price. So, you have your tent ready to build?

Four innocent and shocked eyes looked at Thomas.

I KNEW YOU RETARDS FORGOT IT! DID YOU EVEN READ ANYTHING? Well, I have a 6 person tent just because I already knew what will happen. Chanty, give me beer! Thank god the glovebox has A/C so it´s at least cold.

Thomas started building up the tent, but somehow he is allergic to instructions and thought he will figure out himself, how… spoiler alert: He won´t. A more and more drunk and cursing Thomas is throwing around tent parts that Jan colletcs and brings back to the slightly… annoyed senior.

Chanty again can´t hold back her tears.


Heeey, relax, I know how to build these up, but old donkey Thomas refuses to get help. Wait for him to become so drunk in the desert heat that he goes to sleep, and I will build up the tent.

Well, Thomas indeed switched back to water when he noticed that his prime days in which he was fit as a sportsman are over, and Jan took over. Chanty, still afraid of actually anything goes live on Instragram to distract herself and vent a bit, since she was at the edge of a serious panic attack.

JAN! Beer?

Thomas, you know I do neither drink, nor do I smoke.

That´s smarter than me, I must admit. But you really want to join Chanty instead of me then? I guess you need this golden German juice now, not willing to urge you in any way…

Well, Thomas, looking at it this way… you have one for me?


Thanks to the guidance of Emil, the Erikssons have arrived at Twin Suns safely.
(And yes, for you aviation nerds out there, those under wing fuel tanks don’t really match the civilian L-100 I was looking for, but it’s really hard to find pictures of those in deserts.)

Could have done with a bit less showing off on the landing, Sven. It’s going to take me a good hour to clean up the mess you made by throwing my tools everywhere.

Sven chuckles at Aatto’s comment, but declines to make that promise. The engines spool down as the airframe rests on the ramp. Elin interrupts Aatto’s attempt to push the issue.

I’ve been here before, so I know the procedure. We should get the plane covered, since we won’t fit in the hangars. Sven, Linnea, help me unroll the tarp while Aatto gets the van and stuff out?

And so off they go, to make sure their plane doesn’t fall apart in the sun while they’re gone. They of course brought 4 one man tents, and will take the van off to a safe distance from the aerodrome to set them up. It may only be about 5 o’clock in Nevada, but they just came from Sweden, and there it’s 1 in the morning, so there won’t be much else done tonight.


Forgot to mention about the Firulais…

They are available for RP at different times as the other teams arrive.

Josué, for the most part, isn’t available, except at night on the 29th, 30th and 31st.
Andrés is available on the 29th and on the 31st.
Ana is available at night on the 29th, and 31st, as well as all day long in the 30th.
Tomás is available all day on the 30th and on the Morning of the 31st.
Ángel is available at all times.



For once, the planning for SR seemed to be in order. No spontanous choice of car…or well, honestly speaking, sort of. With the usual blame of “we don’t have anything else to take”. Granted, the 1971 Icarus van was the vehicle closest to being in order for a Shitbox rally out of everything in Janne’s yard. The problem was only that until now, it had only been standing still since 1984, so who knew if it was going to last for the whole race? Anyway, with the vehicle being loaded up for the rally, the team arrived at Janne’s place the day before it was going to take place.

“So, have you done anything to teleport us to Nevada this year?”, Andreas shouted to Janne from one side of his garage to the other.

“Oh, so NOW you believe that the teleporting actually WORKS?”, Janne answered him with a salty tone.

“Eh, well…NO!”, Andreas answered.

“Well, then we don’t need one, since it won’t work anyway”, Janne answered, even more salty.

“So, what the fuck are you DOING?”, Andreas asked.


“Are you doing your taxes NOW? Well, the race is soon going to start and we don’t have any time to…”, Andreas said in an attempt to convince Janne.

“Do you want me in jail for tax fraud or do you want to let me do my taxes in peace?”, Janne answered angrily, while Andreas and Marie moved to the end of the garage where Janne somehow tried to cram in his paperwork and his old as fuck Salem SRT-800 computer, itself an 80s clone of the TRS 80.

“You’re still doing your taxes on that computer you bought from Fred Flintstone?”, Andreas asked him.

“I don’t want to spend money on a new tax program, this have worked for me for almost 30 years and…”

“Can I play Pacman?”, Marie asked.

“NO, you can’t, I don’t have any games on this computer!”, Janne said, being more annoyed than ever at his so called friends. “Just let me do my taxes now!”

“For fucks sake, just get Fortnox or something…”, Andreas said with a sigh that was interrupted by Janne shouting some words that was highly unsuitable for any kid under the age of 25 to hear.

“What is it now?” Andreas asked.

"I guess the monitor broke…FUCK!, Janne said, with his mood being even worse than it had been this far on this day.

“Can’t you just kick the monitor, it works with my TV…”, Marie said, unable to convince Janne that it was a good idea.

“Nah, I have a better idea. Where do we have another CRT monitor? The small TV inside the van. Let’s just get some 220-12 volt adapters and…”

“You’re going to do the taxes in the back of the van? Seriously?”, Andreas asked.

“Well, unless you have a better idea, how about yes?”, Janne answered.

After looking through his stash for some sketchy adapters for 12 volts, Janne saw a sight he wasn’t sure that he liked in the back of the van.

“I helped you with rigging up the computer!”, Marie said.

“WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU LEARNED TO DO THAT?”, Janne asked her, less than amused.

“Nowhere, I just connected everything where it did fit and…”

“Yeah!”, Janne said. “You did! Look at the tape player for example! You put in the connector for it the wrong way into the port! How the hell did you even succeed?”

“Oh, that was why it was so hard!”, Marie said, like she had discovered something new. “Well, I just took a hammer and beat on it until it did fit, was that the wrong way of doing it? Oh well, can’t you just disconnect it and put it in the right way then?”

“NO!”, Janne said with an angry voice. “It is jammed! I can’t even get it out anymore!”

“I bet it still works as it should”, Marie said. “Why would they make the connector fit in the port if it wasn’t working to put it in that way?”

“I’m not taking part in this freakshow!”, Andreas said, taking place in the drivers seat of the van, opening a coke can. “Tell me when you have calmed down and have an idea how we should even get away from here!”. Meanwhile, Janne and Marie tried to set up the computer from the back of the van, among all the spare parts, fluids and food they had packed for Shitbox Rally.

While sipping on his coke, Andreas heard a rather wild fight from the back of the van.



“I HAVE DONE THAT AND NOW THE GODDAMNED TAPE PLAYER IS GOING BACKWARDS!”, Janne said. And from there on stuff only got worse. The screen all of a sudden said “Found program “Hyperspace”. Loading…” and absolutely everything surrounding our friends in the van just turned black. The speedometer was jammed on max, and a splashing sound was heard from Andreas spilling his coke all over the dashboard.

“DON’T HIT THE BRAKES, whatever you do!”, Janne told Andreas. Not that he would, because he was more or less frozen solid from shock, just staring out on the black world outside the windshield that the van only seemed to be rushing through.

“OK, I will find a way to get us out of this in one way or another, just calm down…”, Janne told the rest of the team.

“Hey, Hyperspace was a fun game!”, Marie said, seeing the eyes of Janne growing to the size of baseballs.

“GAME? THAT’S NO FUCKING GAME! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”, Janne answered, wondering how Marie managed to screw everything up this time.

“Of course it is”, Marie said. "You control a spaceship that has beamed up an old Primus, and…


“Too late”, Marie said. “A message that said ENTERING: NEVADA started to flash on the screen and then I pushed space and dropped the Primus and…”


“So, you have accepted the concept of hyperspace now?”, Janne asked in a salty tone.

“Well…NO!”, Andreas said, still more frightened than he would like to admit.

“Oh, well. I just press stop on the tape player”, Janne said, “And we will see what happens…”

A loud sound, almost impossible to describe, made the team more or less deaf for some seconds, and they found themselves stuck in “traffic” behind an old Primus in a desert landscape.

"This is too good to be true…, Andreas said.

“What?”, Janne asked him.

“I recognize the surroundings. This is the Shitbox Rally start. How the hell did we manage to get here?”

“No idea”, Janne said. “Since you know that stuff like this does not work…”

“Can you just stop being a smartass?”, Andreas asked Janne, just to be interrupted of the loud blaring of the dixie horn, and the high beams lighting up the Primus in front, which did not seem to excite the passengers all that much.

“FOR FUCKS SAKE, THERE IS SMOKE COMING OUT OF THE STEERING COLUMN!”, Andreas shouted, with his face taking a colour that looked more like Heinz tomato ketchup than anything else.

"Oh, relax, it is probably just a minor short circuit of the wiring harness. Just disconnect it and…


With the cars in front starting to move, there was no time to spare. With smoke coming out of the steering column, a blaring dixie horn and the high beams flashing on and off, our team entered the area. After parking, Andreas popped the hood, quickly disconnecting the battery to end the circus. Janne took some rolls of electrical wire, got out of the back of the van and quickly started trying to repair the molten wiring harness to the steering column…

Thanks to @Happyhungryhippo for the small cooperation and @Madrias for the idea.

If anyone wants to hook up a RP from here, being curious what Janne is doing, or something, just tell me.


Team Shift Happens & Team Highway Hooligans & GECA - Interstellar

(Thanks to @Elizipeazie for the collaboration.)

Having already spent a good two days at camp, Valentin had something left to discuss with the hosts over at Shift Happens.
As such, he heads over to the crew, who apparently are in the process of preparing food of sorts.
Recognizing Kaylie - and by extension the Highway Hooligans - he haphazardly waves at them:

“Good morning. Did you lot have a good nights sleep?” he inquires, not yet taking a seat.

Jake shrugs. “Not really. Cody snores like a roaring chainsaw clearing a rainforest.”

“I slept great,” Cody says, stifling a yawn in the moment.

Trevor glances over at Val as he approaches the table, giving a casual wave and a greeting. “What, do you think you’re some kind of Jedi wavin’ your hand around like that? Mind tricks don’t work on me, only money. Or food.” He then looks to Cody and sets his burger back on the paper plate. “So that’s why you’ve been yawning and bitching about not getting enough sleep? Cody, you’re full of shit.”

Cody, out of defiance, squashes Trevor’s burger, making it ooze cheese, grease, ketchup, and mustard down the sides, guaranteeing it’d be a huge mess to pick back up.

Kayden chuckles and offers Val a plate. “We’ve got burgers, sausages, and steaks. Pick what looks good to you.”

Trevor’s statement manages to effectively overshadow anything the others have said to Val in response to his greeting. “Excuse me?”

“Ah, sorry, stupid joke. Saw the hand wave, went for the obscure Star Wars reference. Mostly because Cody decided to say he slept great. Maybe he did, for the three hours he actually was silent last night,” Trevor replies.

Kaylie chuckles. “Oh, we had a big blow up the other night regarding the fact that Kayden snores.”

“I do not!” Kayden replies with a hint of indignation.

“So we’re left to believe someone was running a gasoline-powered buzz-saw in the tent last night, then?” Kaylie shoots back.

Jayde joins the table and sighs. “Do we have to fight again? If it wasn’t for the normies here, I’d put both of you in a Cone of Silence and let you enjoy not being able to hear or be heard for 4 hours.”

Cody looks over at Jayde. “So, you really do magic?”

Jayde shrugs. “A little. But I’m not supposed to do much around the camp.”

“Right…” Valentin mutters as he regathers his bearings a bit, “I would say I slept alright, but with how flawless it has been for the past year or so, a good nights sleep does not stick out too much in a sea of alright ones…”

At this point, he finally accepts the initially-empty plate, heading around the table to pick out the largest steak in immediate view as well as something to eat alongside said steak.
With the plate full, he takes a seat.

“Initially wanted to drop by and finally check the bus I have already paid rent for,” Valentin notes, “though there is no harm in fueling up.”

Kaylie smiles. “Ah, right, the spare bus.” She motions over to where the second bus was parked. “Right over there. We gave it a basic tune-up, but that was about it.”

“It’s damn good to see you again, by the way,” Cody adds. “Last time we met, it was when we ran that shitbox limo.”

“Likewise.” Valentin nods towards Cody in response. “I still very much remember the attempt at a bucket seat. This time around, I will not be doing too much driving, so the need to actually fit into the bus well is not as paramount here.”

“Well, we made sure that the driver’s seat is suitable for someone your size, Val, if needed. Sariya’s not quite your size, but she had no issues driving it around back here,” Kaylie admits.

Jake shrugs and grabs an extra couple of sausages. “Normally, I’d be watching what I’m eating, but I know the next few weeks, I’m going to be dealing with canned food, boxed pasta, and whatever we can all beg for when Cody inevitably eats all the food with three days left to go.”

Jayde looks over and chuckles. “Well, you might weigh the same as you did when you started, Jake, but you’re starting to thin down a bit. The gym time with Rowan seems to be working for you.”

“I only have to drive it twice in the span of…” he starts, pausing a moment to mentally convert Aetherii times to earthen times, “…three weeks? Anyway, fueling is going to be fun for us during some of the stages. Lack of space to bring non-perishables around has us hope that Holsian cuisine is actually edible.”

Jayde shrugs. “It should be. Can’t be worse than the stuff I grew up on in Altherys, at least. Crugandr had some good spices, Nehmenweld had some good, simple food. Time to see what Holsia has to offer.”

Kaylie looks over at the bus, then to Val, and hands him the keys. “If you want to poodle around the lot in it to get a feel for how the bus handles, feel free.”

Valentin accepts the keys by immediately placing them down onto the table next to his plate.
“Will do once I am done with this steak here,” he notes, likewise taking a glance at it before returning to the meal.
Not wanting to let the steak run colder than it already was, he dug in deep, finishing it remarkably quickly.
Returning the once-again-empty plate to Kayden, he gets up to check on his rental.

Approaching it, it turned out to be exactly what he expected it to be:
A city bus.
Getting into it proved to be a search effort, as Val knew that a button or lever of some sort had to be somewhere to open the front door, which eventually was found underneath the front bumper next to it.

“They hid the button for theft prevention? Okay…”, Valentin mumbles as he boards the bus once the door swings open with a pneumatic hiss.
Taking a seat, Valentin had remarkably little issue regarding space. Sure, he was straddling the steering wheel either side with his knees, but they were not pressed up against the dashboard or other things. Likewise, he had no issues reaching any of the buttons and switches strewn across the dash.

Kaylie wanders over while Val looks around for the door button, about to intervene when Val finds it on his own.

“Yeah, apparently AMCW had a few issues in the past with people breaking in and joyriding in their buses, so they hide the door poppers under the front bumper. Some of them, on other models, are behind a little flap that only opens with the ignition key. These ones from their partnership with MHI were for “low crime” markets, so they have the door button hidden instead of under a hatch,” Kaylie explains. “After all, it’s… Not that hard to pop the ignition lock out of the dashboard, short the terminal so it’s always powered, and then start the bus. Keeping people outside was… What really mattered.”

“If it works…” Valentin mutters, mentally more occupied with familiarizing himself with the controls of the bus. Given that some of the buses functionality is driven by pneumatics, he cranks over the engine, which takes a while to get going, but eventually settles into a nice and reasonably smooth idle.

Afterwards, basic things such as adjusting mirrors, the seat and steering column are made, substantially reducing the problems surrounding fitment in the bus.

“Lets see how this thing maneuvers, then…” Valentin states cautiously as he plants the foot on the brake and presses a button to select ‘drive’, followed by him almost punching the pneumatic parking brake button.

“It’ll handle like a bus. We didn’t have the time to turn it into a sportscar,” Kaylie quips. She settles into one of the front seats and buckles up, just along for the short ride.

An attempt at closing the front door instead opens the rear one, as the two buttons are unlabeled as to which one is for which door. In confusion, Val turns around, seeing and hearing that rear door open, shortly before pressing BOTH buttons once more to actually close them.

Another hiss releases a secondary brake interlock linked to the doors to prevent the bus from moving with the doors open as the bus itself moves into a slow crawl.

“Right…” Valentin mumbles, taking the bus for a small lap around the area at no more than ‘brisk walking pace’.
Returning the bus to the initial parking spot to the best of his abilities, he opens just the front door, applies the parking brake and shuts down the engine.
“It is indeed a bus. I legally cannot leave the lot, so this will have to do, but if it can get us to Holsia and back, it is going to be good enough.”

“Well, that was kinda the plan. It’ll get you through the Rift, it’ll get you back from Holsia, and it’ll do so while hauling all of the good people you have in GECA… And it even has enough room for Lars and his ego,” Kaylie quips, before dropping down out of the front door of the bus.

“He can get a seat group of his own to avoid annoying the others, haha,” Valentin adds with a chuckle, likewise stepping down into the dirt from within the bus.
“Anyway, I suppose we meet again tomorrow morning at the absolute latest. Until then…” Valentin says, already somewhat on the way back to ‘his’ lineup of RVs while sending a polite nod towards Kaylie.

“Until then, Valentin,” Kaylie says, smiling.

By this time, the Hooligans had finished up their meal and started fighting with their tents to get them set up in some form of organized fashion, with Jake surprising both Cody and Trevor by being the only one of the three who could actually drive tent stakes into the ground with the hammer.

At the same time, Jayde unloaded his tent and set it up, adding some tent stakes for the sake of appearing normal.

“We all set up over here?” Kaylie asks.

“Pretty much. Got our tent “normie proofed” as well,” Jayde mentions. “Anyone who we don’t know decides to stick their head in the tent, they’ll just see the inside of a large tent, and forget the reason why they stuck their head in there in the first place.”

Kaylie sighs. “I thought we agreed, no memory curses.”

“It’s not a curse - it’s temporary, makes you forget shit for five minutes. Buys us time in case someone does the same thing one of the previous teams did by waking us up in the middle of the night to help fix their car.”

“Was that the time I-”

“Beat someone over the head with a repair manual? Yes.”

Kaylie chuckles and shakes her head at the memory. “Twin Suns, that year was a mess.”


THE FIRST NIGHT IN NEVADA - 29th to 30th March

including the teams (in order of appearance) “Shift Happens” by @Madrias , “Hillbilly Rollers” by @Knugcab and GECA by @Elizipeazie .

The tent was built up, Jan read a book, Thomas had beer… and Chanty was hungry again. But the bag of chips reminded her how expensive air is sold today, if its in a bag of foil. A frustrated Chanty made a very disappointed expression, as a giant… Tiger? stepped to her.

" AAAH!"

“Oh, I did not mean to scare you. I am totally friendly, and my name is Kiva, and who are you?”

“I am … well… my friends call me Chanty. So, if you are friendly, you can, too.”

“I see that you are still hungry?”

“I hope you are not…”

“Oh, come on. I won´t eat you just because I am a Valraadi. I want to offer you something instead. How about some of the food I like?”

“Sure! I am sorry, I did not mean to insult you, it is just that… I have never seen someone like you before.”

“Everything is fine! I am not insulted, I just don´t want you to feel not well when spending time with me. Here, I hope you like it!”

Chanty hastily grabbed a whole bunch of… fried scorpions, but didn´t notice that, as she swallowed it immediately without looking, and ate it in the most discraceful way possible.

“Oh…mjam! It tasted like onion rings… ehm, interessing. Thank you!”

Everything went very calm and … well, maybe even boring. In the middle of the night, Thomas woke up from a noise, somehow resembling an elephant in the porcelain store. At first, everything was calm. But then he noticed it. From the IP, a … not very elegant silhouette sneaked to the Primus, and it was Marie, looking for Thomas most precious belongings: Neuzeller Klosterbier and Zirndorfer Kellerbier.

In fact, Marie even managed to silently open the trunk, since the central locking system of the Primus was not fixed - the budget was limited - and she pulled the trunk release, then opened it, and grabbed one of the bottles. But she let loose the trunklid, and it slammed with brute force into the lock, as the lifters were totally worn out.

“WHAT THE HELL? FREEZE! Not that you could run away fast enough from me, but don´t force me to make sport at this unholy time!”

“I… need a first aid kit.”

Thomas pointed at the bottle in her hand.


“Eh, yes, you got a problem with that?”


“How about a challenge… Germans fighting against other nations failed the two last times, right?”

“What challenge? Armwrestling or what?”

“Good idea, grandpa.”

Both agreed and started. While Thomas, as a mechanic, is generally strong for his age, Maries sheer mass helped her to stand against the furious senior. But then it happened: Since Thomas grabbed beer as soon as he arrived, Chanty parked the car, and left the lever in D. And the handbrake of the Legacy was, well, not the best anymore, and the car rolled away. Thomas sprinted to the driver door, but the handle fell off. With a daring jump, he got onto the hood and climbed through the open sunroof to stop the car. While he tried hard to sort his bones in order to get out of the car again, Marie did not hesitate and ran off with the looted bottle.

A furious Thomas wanted to start the Primus to drive it back, but remembered the rule - he had already four beers, and he didn´t want to risk a problem. So he woke up Chanty and asked her to drive the car back, and put it on P this time, then fixed the door handle, while ranting to his daughter about the Swedes and leaving the handbrake problem for the next day.

But Chanty, otherwise not the bravest, had one of her prominent mood swings, and stepped to the Swedish team like an angry penguin.


“Well, you should wait for me to go to toilet then, little girl.”

“I am not a little girl!”

“So you are a stupid kid then, it`s the same! Go play with your Barbies and come back later with another beer for me, I am still thirsty!”

Chanty wasn´t prepared for such a tough nut to crack. She stomped on the bottom and yelled at Marie.

“If I was you, I would rather want to be me.”

Chanty ran towards Marie, ready to… well, not hit her. Chanty would be way to soft for a fistfight. Actually, Chanty just ran to her to wait for Marie to hit her first. But instead, Chanty, as always not aware of her surroundings, fell over a tent peg and had a very nasty landing, resulting her in a scream of pain.

“Oh damn, wanting to have my beer but not even developed enough to walk on two legs.”

In just that moment, Thomas appeared out of nowhere.


“Dad, she didnt hit me!”


Marie, totally unimpressed of Thomas anger, replied the most bored way possible,

“Eh, old man, take a breathe, before you get a heart attack!”

“Yes, she is right! Don´t…”


interrupted Marie this time.

“I should tie you to the hood of my car and give you headphones with either Modern Talking at full volume or Chantals devil music and then drive full speed!”

“I hate disco, it sounds like if you have used the record as a flapdisc on your angle grinder”

“Dad, the hood is like new, we shouldn´t dent it! And my music is not devil music!”

In that moment, a box fell from the sky. hitting the Primus and, well, denting the hood.


Thomas ran to the box, and thankfully it all was covered in soft protection material, so that the Primus wasn´t damaged hard and the stuff in the box remained intact.

“WHAT? Beer and… Wodka? HOW THE…”

Before Thomas could realize, Marie already grabbed one of the bottles of Wodka.

“I thought seniors like reading newspapers? It´s not rare that Boeings loose parts of their hull, and this must have been a freight plane, carrying alcohol. JACKPOOOOT!”

Thomas and Marie got drunk - and Thomas put on his hippopotamus costume, giving Marie Chantys unicorn costume, that somehow fitted, and Thomas turned on the ghettoblaster.


“Oh no, Chantys 10 hour version. Marie, turn this down!”

Marie, as careful as a bulldozer, ripped off the button, now having the device fixated on “on” and full volume at exact this song. With some bottles, they stomped over the camping site, and it did not take long until the first shoes were flying in their direction.
Chantal woke up Jan, who somehow managed to have such a deep sleep that he was unaware of anything of the circus out there.

“What is wrong? Can you sleep FOR ONCE please?”

“My dad is about to be kicked off here by doing bullshit again!”


Jan did a firm facepalm, hurting himself, then shaking his head in disbelief.


Chanty just had emotional breakdown Nr. 21 this year. Jan calmed her down, convincing her to do what a sane person would do: Running towards someone to help her fixing the problem.

Team Shift Happens is in charge, and … eh… let me show it… you need to go there. You see? I would come with you, but I have really bad headache, can you go alone this time?

Chanty ran towards the direction Jan pointed and almost bumped into someone. As this was where he pointed, she thought she is now at the right team location, but in fact roughly 200 meter off.


“I may have organized the train, but I am not in charge of this event itself. That would be Team Shift Happens…” ,

answeded he, pointing with an elegant gesture towards the said team.

“Oh… but… can you help me calming my father before everybody is woken up?”


Just in the moment Valentin stepped towards the drunk duo, the battery of the ghettoblaster died, and Thomas stepped back to his tent, as it seems he has realized that the party is now over.

A content Valentin smiled at Chanty.

“Sometimes, problems solve themselves on their own, have a good night”.

Chanty sighed, relieved and totally exhausted from the stress, which at least made her tired enough to sleep peacefully until the sun woke her up.
Thomas was snoring, Jan again sound asleep and Chanty felt a bit weird in her stomach, but blamed it on the stress her father caused again.


Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Adventures Part 3 - Episode 2: Arrival in Nevada

Resuming from the previous scene we left our protagonists off on, we find Maria, Luci, and Loris crowded around the unconscious and very likely severely brain damaged Giacomo as the three try to sort out whether Giacomo was just taking an extended nap or if the Lynwoods should start fighting over who’s legally responsible for his death sooner rather than later.

Maria had started her examination immediately after dropping her bag (which, upon a second look from Luci, had to have outweighed the diminutive doctor) and screaming at the top of her lungs. Said examination seemed to lack a certain… Legitimacy to it, seeing as how most of her efforts involved frantically slapping Giacomo, peeling open his shut eyelids and sticking a gloved finger up his nose, before opening his wallet and stealing anything that hadn’t already been taken by Loris.

“Thought healthcare was supposed to be free?” Luci asked the doctor, who was wrist deep into the pocket where Giacomo’s checkbook was. Maria, without missing a beat, replied with a barely thought up excuse. “Oh, uh, he’s American.” She looked up at Luci, checking for any signs of realization, and found none. Luci merely nodded, making an offhand remark about the sad state of affairs in America.

Looking up at Loris to see if any brain activity was present definitively revealed that the smartest person in the room was in fact the one impersonating a medical professional while shamelessly robbing a man in plain view. He simply scratched the back of his head while looking around. “Yeah, 'merica and such. Sure sucks.”

“Doctor, is he ok? What d’ya think?” Luci asked, eyes watering with worry over the man she had robbed and assaulted not even 3 days prior. Maria looked at Giacomo, who was about as far from OK as you could reasonably get, and back to Luci who seemed like she would burst into tears if the answer was anything other than an emphatic yes.

Maria sighed. While sure, she never liked Giacomo and couldn’t tell if he was an asshole or the stupidest person alive, some tiny little sliver of human decency, maybe her last sliver of human decency, tugged at her to at least help Giacomo get back home and get ideally as far from these two idiots as possible. To do that, though, she’d need to get Giacomo awake in the first place.

“Alright. Give me one second, I need to get something first.” Maria looks at the Lynwoods once more, trying to judge if these are really the best people to leave an unconscious body around. It went without saying they were not. “Right, and… Don’t touch the, ah, patient. He’s not dead yet, so don’t get any ideas.” The twins simultaneously sighed in relief. Did they seriously think he was dead?

A squeal of the tires later quickly followed by a loud crash and the flickering of the lights in the house signaled the departure of Maria, as Luci and Loris stood there awkwardly in the following silence. “Right. Well, I’m goin’ for a smoke Luci. Don’t kill the man now.” Loris grabbed a pack from his lifetime supply of Lucky Strikes as he stepped out the back door, as Luci picked up the remote, displaying some vile British “television” to pass the time. You know the sort.

It wasn’t 30 minutes later before another crash signaled the return of Maria, who brought with her a second duffle bag that was full of rather improperly stored medical equipment as she got to work trying to revive Giacomo. The usual routes showed no avail, poking with various needles, dumping a whole container of pepper, and tickling his feet with feathers all saw Giacomo in his continued state of living death. It wasn’t until Loris came running back into the house that this would change.

“Oi! Luci! Someone dropped a quid!” Seemed to be the magic words, as soon as they were spoken, Giacomo’s eyes shot awake. Apparently money could do more than make the world go round, it could revive greedy washed up Italian businessmen as well. Giacomo sat up, frantically looking around and shouting “DOVE?!” “DOVE?!” At the top of his lungs. Maria, already having enough of his antics, punched him unconscious once again, bringing us back to square one.

Maria sighed. Looking at the Lynwoods and realizing she probably had some free time on her hands now that she had just robbed the local hospital, figured she should probably try to needle some information out of the two. Not before turning off the absolute filth that was on the television though.

Maria, finally able to think now that that ear melting sound had stopped, finally got around to asking the question that had been on her mind since she arrived. “So… how did you guys meet Giacomo?” Rather than respond, the twins immediately huddled into the corner, whispering amongst themselves yet doing a poor job of keeping even a little quiet as their entire conversation regarding how they should lie to the former doctor and some tidbits about a rally that did not sound good to Maria.

Loris spoke up first. “Right, We’re the Lynwoods, I’m Loris and this is Luci, we’re the greatest rally drivers of all time! And that right there, that is our financier. He loves rallying, you know. Car’s in the garage, we’ve got a big BIG race coming up, y’know.” A slight realization began to creep into Maria’s head, and she did not like it. Giacomo’s incoherent mutterings about shitboxes and rallies as soon as Loris mentioned racing further deepened the pit of despair in Maria’s stomach.

Oh Dear God.

Liverpool John Lennon Airport.
The Day After.

Luckily for the crew, Maria was able to go through the many things she had stolen off of Giacomo and found out that Giacomo’s flight home was scheduled for the day after, with arrangements having apparently already been made to ferry the car to Daytona Beach in advance. Loris did some last minute work to ensure that the car, in fact, did drive and was off to get the Arnoux loaded up, while Luci and Maria did their best to make Giacomo look like he had eaten in the past 4 days before tossing him into the back of an Uber. They never found where Giacomo had parked his rental, but who cares? It was probably already stolen.

Handwaving the strict baggage check and many suspicious looks given to the four by the airport inspectors, the flight went off without a hitch and Giacomo was finally able to have a single saltine force fed to him. Progress!

The team survived the flight to Daytona, got the boring bits of filing out paperwork, being cavity searched and waiting for the ferry to drop off their “car” before realizing that they’d probably have to get Giacomo home.

A dollar was placed into Giacomo’s wallet, which seemingly was also enough to wake him up, and they soon made it to his house, handwaved again the fact that Giacomo had clearly been brutally assaulted, and made their preparations to go to Nevada. Loris and Luci have not been informed there will be aliens, and are still completely clueless as to what they are about to get into, but that’s part of the fun, right?


The team fucked up.

After Giacomo insisted on a bonding road trip for all of his new friends (alot of lying was needed to get to this point, as you might imagine), the three decided to go on a field trip together, and quickly found out that sourcing your parts from a junkyard is not a good idea. The engine powering the Arnoux was sourced from an old crashed soviet formula car, which in turn had sourced the engine from an already old at the time soviet shitbox, meaning that the word “Reliable” didn’t even show up in the manual. Combine that with the fact that the fenders and bodywork like falling off, and the lights are so horribly wired they barely work on a good day, and the team considers themselves lucky to even arrive 30 minutes before the start, and are already mired deep under the hood before roll call even begins.


Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Adventures Part 3 - Episode 2: Arrival in Nevada - FIN


How to build a car:

  • Weld 2 ladders and some metal pipes together
  • Steal front and rear subframes from scrapped 90s japanboxes
  • Take the drivetrain from the same source.
  • Make custom fiberglass panels with questionable moulds

What you get is the car The Troublesome Trio and Theo took to the event. A danger to all occupants and anyone within visual range. Seriously, I have no idea how it’s even road legal.
The team consists of Theo Smith, someone who is an arse because he ate my sandwich at the hotel we met a guy presumably named Matt, also part of the team. Hans Doffenschmirtz, not to be confused with your cartoon villain, is the mechanic. And I drive.

Snork's Tuners (@charlemagnejv3) & Highway Hooligans (@Madrias) - Prerace Arrangements

SR24 Starting Area, March 31st, morning-ish

The hubbub preceding the rally was steadily rising as the April 1st launch date was gradually approaching, especially with the coincidental Easter fun and games. There was one team however that was still rather reclusive, the one that literally showed up out of nowhere, Snork’s Tuners. The lead engineer and the team’s namesake was too nervous to approach other teams, leaving the rest to ask questions; who has attended the Shitbox Rally before, where teams came from, when teams came from, and if camping would be a matter of survival like what the Nevada campsite had impressed upon them.

Unsurprisingly, Snork’s tuners made it through the night, though when morning came one fact had been shared between the out of touch & out of time quartet; transportation would not be provided, at least for the beginning of the rally. So, the house troll of the team sat atop their boxy purple 4-door, 2-seat rally car, scouting for a team that seemed viable to provide help. What Snork pointed out was the pearlescent SUV hackjob of Highway Hooligans, sharing a few words to Eddie, the most charismatic member of the team, to ask if they had spare seating.

So, Eddie puffed up his chest, fitted his shades high up the bridge of his tapered snout, and strutted towards the camp of Highway Hooligans while hooking a thumb into a pocket of his beige bomber jacket, catching the attention of Trevor.

“Hey! The name’s Eddie, I’m with Snork’s Tuners,” the vaguely ferret faced fillyjonk pointed behind himself to his team’s car, where Snork still sat trying to not spy on Eddie’s conversation, “That’s a damn pretty machine y’all built for yourselves, and I don’t just mean the paint, you did good with the welding work. Anyway, I noticed you got a slim team for a big car, and was wondering if you got room for two more? Can’t really fit all four of us in the Trisky, so if you could help out, that’d be great. Even for a human Madds is a slim kid, and Snork is a 4 foot nothin’ teddy bear; I doubt they’d be cramming to fit in, and regardless we’ll be outta your fur after the first stage. So, could ya lend a paw?”

There was a sincere smile on Eddie’s face, waiting for Trevor and the rest of the Hooligans to mull over the idea of offering aid to the new team. Through the three’s camaraderie, the all human team only needed to give each other glances to come to a unanimous decision. Jake was the first to speak up with a shrug, “If you guys can put up with the smell, sure.”

“This thing literally came out of my junkyard, and we welded a few things together,” Trevor added. “Didn’t do much to clean it up, just got the engine running, put that trailer box on the back, and then came down here to run it.”

Cody concluded with a few stipulations, “Long as you guys don’t want any food, we’ll get you there and we’ll get you back, but seriously, I hope you guys have plans to take that train once you get over there - Five people in a midsize is gonna suck.”

Eddie nodded with a pair of raised thumbs, content in their response, "Awesome, and yeah, that’s what we’re planning on. I’ll see if I can’t get Snork out of his own shell, Madds won’t need any convincing. Be seeing you on the road!”

So the lanky furred folk took his leave back to his camp, which really was little more than the car itself with Snork sitting alone in the shade, the others off to make acquaintance with other teams. A question popped up in his head, but he figured not to turn back around for a little question, deciding instead to leave it for when Snork and Madds have their turn getting acquainted with Highway Hooligans and their car before everyone is taken to Holsia.


Twin Suns Aerodrome, Nevada

March 31st 2024. 10:15 AM

Hans was the first to arrive. He was behind the wheel of the GPV and not far behind him were the other members of the group. Neil, Miles, and Kate, driving his actual car. Coincidentally, the second vehicle was also a Diamant GPV, but a newer civilian model, the V12 powered GPV 63R. Hans drove on to where he thought tech inspection would be while the more sinister looking car nosed its way through the RV park.

The drive over from Pahrump in the GPV had been done mostly in silence, but now that they had arrived, it was time to start getting ready and maybe go look at what the other teams had brought. At least, that was what Kate had intended for the three of them to do.

“I’m gonna go have a look at the other cars that are around and maybe meet some of the other teams. Do either of you want to join me?”

Neil paused with unloading their gear from the car to provide an answer. “Sure. Miles?”

The man who bore the name looked up from the chair he was wrestling with and gave a slight nod. “Yeah, let me just finish setting up the chairs here.”

By this time, Hans had returned after finding out there was indeed no designated area for inspection and he pulled up behind the other GPV. While a fluent speaker of English, he still had a very present German accent. “Are we going to see what everyone else is up to?”

“Yeah.” Neil began, with a nod. “We were about to, anyway. Mind keeping an eye on our stuff?”

“I see no problem with that.” Hans glanced over his shoulder at the sound of a DFN marked Toyota Sequoia trundling by behind their RV, before he turned his gaze back. “They’re also keeping an eye out?”

Neil shrugged. “Can’t be too safe Hans, can’t be too safe.” His attention then went to Miles and Kate. “Miles, Kate. Let’s go.”

Kate let the two men go on ahead. “We won’t be long.”

The German watched them leave before he went and plopped down in one of the chairs.

Meanwhile, in the distance, just beyond the airfield, a roar of jet engines gradually began to grow louder. The culprit producing the sound was an incoming Bombardier Global Express private jet, on final approach to the Aerodrome. After about 5 minutes, the aircraft landed and taxied its way to the aerodrome’s ramp where it stopped, and promptly shut it’s engines down before the access door opened.

As the aircraft was getting ready to de-board its passengers, a golf cart driven by one of the DFN security officers arrived to provide transport to the RV park. Of course, the four occupants of the jet consisted of the four extraterrestrials.

Landon led the charge down the stairs. Behind him was Karl, then Alex, then Via. As they had been informed during preparations, Neil told them they were limited to a maximum of three pieces of luggage each. But clearly it wasn’t a problem for any of them.

The group paused once they disembarked the aircraft.

“You got everything?” Landon, to any of the three.

Alex gave him the reply, and a nod. “Yeah, looks like it.”

“I’ve double checked and I’ve got everything I need.” Karl started putting his items in the golf cart’s cargo trailer, one of which was his rifle case. “Even brought the safari gun.”

Via dumped all her things in the trailer wordlessly, and then got onto the golf car. Alex did the same and took up the seat beside her. Landon and Karl soon followed.

When the group arrived at the designated parking spot, they only found Hans lounging in one of the folding chairs and the two GPVs, parked one behind the other.

Landon and Karl stayed behind to unload their stuff, so Alex walked around the trucks over to Hans. “Hey, Hans, where are the others?”

The blonde haired German didn’t look up from his magazine. “They’re out introducing themselves. Didn’t say when they would be back however. I imagine you’ll find them somewhere.”

“Thanks.” He then turned and left.
As he made his way, he passed Via.

“Where are you going?” The question made him pause.

“To find Neil and the others, want to join me?”

At the prospect of potentially meeting other teams, she accepted the offer with a smile. “Gladly.”

As the two of them departed, Landon and Karl finished with unloading the trailer. “Want to go see what they’re doing?”

Karl watched as the golf cart pulled away. But, he spoke to Landon. “Let’s wait for them to come back so we don’t leave Hans all alone.”

Landon considered for a moment and then shrugged. “Fair enough.”

And eventually, when Neil and Miles got back, they got up and headed off to meet some of the other teams.

If you want to RP feel free to ask.

'Straight outta Saratos'

5:48 S.A., 31 BgS 2024 A.W. // Tarak Aerodrome, Mera SGR

The sound of a boxer engine roared past as a white Saberin flew over a straight path.

[Kirann Atal-Mir] [Saratosi]
Kirann tightened his grip on the hand-hold, eyes wide as the vehicle sped along.
Do we really need to go this fast? I was already awake at the ridiculous hour you said we needed to leave at, I do not long for death this early.

[Jace-Tirin Harynn] [SR]
JT started to grin.
No, but I do not see why not at this point. He’s arriving any minute now as well. Creating some margins is good, is it not?

[KA] [SR]
Kirann knew that that avenue of questioning was fruitless, shifting to another topic. He sighed.
How did you even manage to score him a flight? Is the airspace not restricted anymore?

[JT] [SR]
Regularly-scheduled civilian flights are now allowed - Just with heavy military presence and possibly escorts. That’s why I can’t fly.

Just a few moments after that was said, a jet fighter screamed past at low altitude. Soon enough after that, the passenger plane came in to view and touched down on the airstrip.

[JT] [SR]
There it is. They say “Speak of the devil” in English, when something like this happens.

[KA] [SR]
Kirann’s face turned sour, not understanding.
Why “speak of the devil”? Is that not a bad thing, compared to the good?

[JT] [SR]
I don’t know, that’s just how they say it. Let’s just park up, pick 'em up and talk about it later.

The car slips in to a parking space and the two head inside the relatively small terminal building of the aerodrome.

JT fumbled the tones between Saratosi and English, face turning in to a wide smile, before uttering:
Karas! Long time no see, eh?

The ears of a leopardine creature perk up and their head turns. Dressed in a jacket and a full winter’s coat, both hilariously inappropriate for the environment, it seems more than clear that they are not prepared for the surroundings. Upon spotting the two others, they walk over at a fairly brisk pace.

[Karas Malleloronae]
It’s only been a month Jace. But sure, long time no see indeed.

The three of them head to the car talking about random nonsense that happened in their respective countries - a slight fumbling with the three-door hatchback and rear seats later they’re on their way.

Karas looked around the Solsti, felt the various materials on the interior and put a hand near a vent.
This thing ain’t no shitbox though. It’s cavernous back here, if not a little noisy, and really comfortable. Air conditioning blows cold too. What’s up with it?

Jace smirked.
This isn’t the shitbox. This is my regular car…

…That is my shitbox.

Karas laughs.
I see.

After that, JT parked the vehicle and the preparations for opening a rift were made.

JT, after having smacked the doorcard to make the half-functional power window get to move again, pops his head out of the window.
So this’ll work like the other times?

Karas nods.
Yup. Except I won’t go with you. You know how it works.

Karas hands Jace a flask of an odd, iridescent fluid, giving him a smile as well.
Alright, have fun!

[KA] [SR]
Wait, how does this wo-

Karas opens his jacket and tosses a flask underneath the car. With a flash, the car drops in to a freefall.

[KA] [SR]
Kirann scrambled to hold on to anything solid, taking out the rear-view mirror in the process.
Holy mother of god!

[JT] [SR]
Jace attempted to push back in to his seat to seem relaxed, which expectedly failed as the lack of gravity
This is normal, calm down. It’ll get exciting when we get there.

The vehicle continued in its freefall for seemingly forever. Kirann seemingly got used to the freefall and the two struck up a conversation during the fall. Slowly though, the gravity started returning, until eventually light started to fade in to the dark bubble, suddenly revealing a gas station.

Now how to get over to that campsite.

Two hours and many wrong turns later, the shitbox rolls in to the camp.


Team Shift Happens

With appearances from The Rhino Squad, Team Hillbilly Rollers, & Team Highway Hooligans

Shitbox Rally Starting Area, Nevada

  • April 1st, 2024, 10 AM Local Time

Malavera sighs quietly. Even though this was a tradition at this point, he still hated getting up in front of everyone. This year, there were 23 teams if you included the hosts and GECA, 21 if you didn’t, and there were a lot of people in the crowd.

Realizing he can’t put it off any longer, he steps up to the microphone holder and picks up the microphone.

“Welcome to the third annual Shitbox Rally! We hope you had a pleasant night here in the campground, because soon, we’ll be going on a long voyage where camping like that is to be expected,” Malavera says, looking over the group.

“So, let’s cover the basic rules here. First major one we’ve followed fairly strictly for the last two years, and will continue to follow, is “Leave nothing but your tire tracks.” Find the appropriate receptacles for your garbage. Take your broken parts with you. Don’t be that guy who’s littering all over another world. That brings us into the second major rule. “Don’t be a dick.” Quite simple, really - Help each other out, don’t be that guy playing insanely loud music under the moonlight, don’t steal each other’s stuff.”

Malavera watches as Chanty heads over to Kivenaal, and gets a brown paper bag in response. He casts a withering glare at Kiva, who shrugs and holds up two fingers, letting Mal know it was her second bag.

“Third rule is-” Mal has to stop as Jan startles, Thomas starts yelling at Chanty that “People do not eat bugs, Chanty!” and Chanty starts breaking down and crying because “I’m going to die because they’re poisonous.” Kivenaal places a hand on Chanty’s shoulder and explains that he removed the stingers, and once they’re cooked, they’re safe to eat, and that some cultures actually do eat spiders and scorpions.

“Rhino Squad and Kivenaal, come up here, please,” Malavera says.

Thomas, perhaps remembering the dire warning in the email, grabs a beer from his collection before heading up to Malavera. A bit of quiet deliberation and a bribe of beer later, Rhino Squad gets out of the punishment. Kivenaal, on the other hand, starts off toward the hangars with a warning of his own- “I’ll make you pay for this later!”

“You’ll be too tired to do that!” Mal yells back. While he’s distracted with yelling at Kivenaal, Marie sneaks up and grabs the beer Mal set down on the picnic table and sneaks back to the Hillbilly Rollers.

“Okay, the third rule, and the most important one, concerns the use of the rings that Kaylie is passing around. Those who were here before remember that there was one ring, this year, there are two. We’ve seen a few situations over the years that could have been avoided with the ability to call for help if you need it. That is what the gold ring with SOS on it is for. Turn that ring upside down, we’ll be there as soon as we can. The other ring is both your way to understand the local language, and is linked to an emergency teleport. Half turn counter-clockwise will send you back to the first stage, where you can park your broken down shitbox and board a train to get to our current camp. Three half-turns clockwise will send you to wherever you call home. Last one to leave brings their car with them,” Malavera says.

“The most important thing is this, however: Try to have fun, but also, please, be safe. We have had fatalities on this run before from people driving too fast. Try to follow the traffic laws, don’t drive drunk, try not to crash into the locals, and, considering we have some tall vehicles and they have some low bridges, try not to recreate the 11-foot-8 bridge over there.”

Cody snickers in the crowd and Malavera stares his way.

“Yes, that includes you guys with the trailer welded to the ass of your car. Anyway, that… Pretty much covers everything I needed to cover in the driver’s meeting. In a couple of hours, we’ll open the Rift and get this road trip on the move,” Malavera concludes. He sets the microphone down, then heads back over to the bus. Kivenaal finishes his lap around the hangars, looking exhausted, and drops into a bus seat with a groan.

“That sucked,” Kiva grumbles.

“I warned everyone, you make a disturbance in my drivers’ meeting, I’ll make you run until you throw up.”

(Whoops, forgot to tag @Knugcab and @Happyhungryhippo even though I mentioned their teams.)

The hippo is the mailman again

posted on behalf of a team not present in the forums - Team Peak Performance


“Are we seriously going to race this rattly old piece of shit? Amelia sighed as the mountain roads continued to steepen.

“What else are we doing here in the middle of fucking howhere? Did you forget why we’re here? Are we just going to stay cooped up the entire time while we’re here, or do you have any other plans? Because I’d love to hear them” The more level headed of the two, Jacob was seldom one to raise his voice, but as time went on and the team’s patience grew thin, he found it increasingly more difficult to keep his cool.

“Well, no, but um….” Amelia paused “couldn’t we have taken my car or something?

“For the last time, your Hoffmeier 7/27 was designed from the ground up as a grandpa car! It’s got what, 60/40 weight distribution? Front wheel drive? Come on.”.

“You and your bloody all wheel drive fetish are going to be the end of me one of these days” Amelia knew that although she was far and away the more skilled driver of the two, she knew that Jacob, who had dropped out of automotive technology training after landing a job as a pharmaceutical tech, had her beat when it came to anything once the engine bay was open. She herself was not especially hands on despite being a lifelong car enthusiast, as she was currently in law school and had not done much under the hood time on any of the cars she had owned in the past.

“Yeah and what’s the alternative? You agreed to drive this car and we’re nearly here, there’s no point in quitting before it even starts. That’s a loser’s mentality, and we at Peak Performance give it our 110%”

“Oh for fuck’s sake you’re taking this a bit too seriously.” Amelia’s expressionless gaze worthy of Buckingham Palace slowly morphed into a soft smile. “We got this”

“I thought you didn’t want to race this rattly old piece of shit?” Jacob hadn’t quite realized yet that Amelia was no longer actively interested in arguing with him.
“Look out the window, if you will”, As Jacob’s eyes darted in the direction Amelia’s finger was pointed, he had to do a double take.
A massive orange sign read “Shitbox Rally 2024”
“IWell, yeah, so we just need to register our team, right? The mechanic and driver? Hold on.” Jacob motioned over to a volunteer worker who was nearby.” Registration?
“Follow the signs to the visitor’s center, which is, you know what? The deadline is in an hour and I’m not even sure the people working there are gonna be too delighted having people keep them there this late, so I’ll do you a favor and register you electronically. That okay?”
“Yeah, of course!”
The volunteer handed Jacob an iPad and explained that as long as they had their vehicle history reports on them, that their clunker would mostly pass inspections, which was apparently the next step.
Over the next few minutes, Jacob and Amelia both created their accounts on the Rally’s online portal and entered their profile information.
“And your team logo?”
Amelia showed the man the jpeg she had saved on her laptop the night before.

“Hmm….did you make this with some app?”
“Naaaaah, I made this all myself using, uh, Photoshop.”
“Neato”. The volunteer rolled his eyes. And, uh, yeah, it’s time you two head over to the little garage we rented out for inspections. It’ll be quick”
As the two proceeded, Jacob gave his license and registration to the volunteers who were running the inspections garage. Amelia certified that she was going to be the primary driver of the car during the event, and Jacob would take care of anything mechanical related.
“Well, you guys should be all set!”
“Huh, we just got here?” Amelia remarked.
“And so it begins,” Jacob nervously sighed.