this does sound pretty interesting, i might treat one of my cars to this lol
Excellent - open for submissions now. Let’s bring on the self-roasts!
Do cars still have to be submitted?
…and I quote… (highlight added by me for emphasis)
3 Likes
Oh okay.
About one week to go, and for further inspiration, here is a slight update of my ad for the Best buy for under 14K 1993 (Final verdicts: page 5/5, final conclusion!) - #70 by AndiD challenge
I am sure you can do way better than this! 
3 Likes
MR CAT (COMMON AUTOMOBILE TESTER)
VS
RAUK PM2
This scandinavian bucket is all made of plastic
And in 1962 cornering was absolutely fantastic
But dailying it today would be kind of drastic
And as usual our review will be totally sarcastic
1962 RAUK PM2, the official car of “I want to die like a real man.”
And this time, there is truth behind it. Forget the “no airbag” stickers, this is basically a plastic waterbucket placed on some pieces of square profile tubing and then they have crammed a tuned Volvo redblock into it. So why is it actually pretty fast despite having an engine from a car that is known to do about half of the speed limit wherever it is driving? Well, the key to it was to don’t give a (BLEEEEP!) about including any of the safety equipment from a Volvo. Forget even having a seatbelt, because as we all know, only people that is insecure in their sexuality will prefer an open casket funeral over having a close casket.
The RAUK PM2 will take you back to a completely different era. One where posers could not drive a real sports car. Because you know what? If this car was a person, it would more or less be that bully from grade school, where your rank in the playground was based on if you was cool enough to take all his abuse so you and him could be friends, instead of having the milk from your lunchbox running down your (slowed down to 0.25 x speed) UUUUUUNDEEEEEERPAAAAAANTSSSS.
NOW I AM GOING TO FART IN FRONT OF THE CASHIER WHEN I AM AT IKEA!
PPPPPPRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTT
OK, but where were we? Oh yeah, the RAUK PM2. This is what you get when your priorities is to build a sports car with all the compromises you can find, and we don’t mean on cornering, braking or performance. The dashboard is more or less some scrapwood where someone has used a hacksaw and a file to having somewhere to put the twenty Stewart Warner gauges that is needed to keep everything under control, because OBVIOUSLY, this Ovlov iron lump is more complicated than anything you find in a fighter jet.
But what could be said about driving it? Weeeeelll… it’s absolutely (laughing) RUBBISH. The noise levels are marginally lower than in any workplace where you’re needed to wear hearing protection. There can be no springs, judging by the levels of ride comfort, they are probably replaced with some genuine Swedish granite. The seats are said to be from a 50s Ford Popular, you know the small english Ford that one could believe came as a gasser already from the factory, and they are more like lawn chairs than anything you will expect to find in an automobile.
(This still picture in half a minute)
1962 RAUK PM2, the official car of walking around at Cars and coffee, telling everybody that “THIS IS NOT A KIT CAR! HEY! IT IS A RARE PIECE OF SWEDISH AUTOMOBILE HISTORY! YUP! NOT A KIT CAR!” before anyone ever asked.
But am I being a bit harsh on the RAUK PM2 at the moment? Absolutely. Because as much as this is a torture chamber, it is also genuine driving pleasure that you never will find in a modern car with all the nanny regulations required, no matter how many HURSPURS they will cram into it or how much the suspension will use more computer power than you needed to run a deathmatch in Quake in 1997 to calculate the dampening needed at the moment to not run off the road. In the RAUK PM2 you will take that corner at the right speed, or you will be splattered all over the ditch, it is all up to you and your driving experience, and if you fuck everything up it is just because you deserved it.
And in a world where everything is about being connected 24/7, autonomous cars and (loud fart sound), we actually have to be thankful for the enthusiasts that is saving cars like the RAUK PM2. And this is not even a moment of (slowed down to 0.25x speed) “OOOOOK BOOOOOMEEEEEERRRR”, because face it, most boomers will cringe at even the thought to have a single creature comfort removed.
1962 RAUK PM2, the official car of I put gravel in my shoes because I will feel like I am awarded when I can take them off.
And you know what, you scandinavian piece of ROAD HUGGING, ASS WHACKING, EAR KILLING PRIMITIVITY, I sure will miss you and I will wish like I could come back to you again, and again, and again and again.
Oh, by the way, the scrapwood dashboard, is it really _(slowed down to 0.25 x speed)_BROOOOOOOWN?
Yes. Very.
6 Likes
In the style of Clint's Reptiles let's review
Mons Customs restomods
Mons Customs are a well-known subsidiary of Mons Automotive. They have produced some of the most sought-after restomods in the automotive industry. But to see if they are the right car for you, we’ll evaluate them based our five criteria:
- handleability
- care
- hardiness
- availability
- upfront costs
Before we begin, a little background to familiarize yourself with some of Mons Custom’s restomods:
First, there was the insane AWD El Camino. It produced nearly 570 HP from the original 401 block, and rivaled any modern Charger SRT Hellcat in performance. And it was expensive. You can read more here.
Next, there was the Scout. It somehow managed to fit two cozy beds in the back and included a modular tent system that expanded the living quarters to sleep four and also had a full kitchen and living area. But this was not for the faint of heart - this beastie was a true off-roader and could go anywhere even though, this too, kept the original engine. But, it was expensive. More details here.
Mons Custom’s third creation was the GT-A. Despite keeping the original engine, this car was very track-worthy, and with the proper tires could even tackle some dirt. The luxurious interior and all the upgrades to make this possible were certainly not cheap though. More on the car can be read here.
Finally, we have the Demon NSX. Again, keeping the original engine, the Customs team managed to pump out a lot more ponies - 666 to be exact. This monster also has some extravagant touches, which resulted in a similarly extravagant price. More on the car here.
Now, let's get into our review of Mons Customs based on our five criteria.
Handleability
All of these cars have one thing in common: they are surprisingly easy to drive. Granted, the El Camino and NSX are - true to their muscley background - a little harder to muscle around a track (pardon the pun), but due to their AWD systems and forgiving gearboxes, they are still pretty easy to drive. The GT-A was basically made idiot-proof with a FWD conversion. The Scout was fully geared for off-road use, but still managed well above average handleability for its class. Overall, we give Mons Customs a score of **3.5/5** - these cars are not out to kill you, but they just might if you're not careful.Care
All of these cars kept their original engine blocks, but received major improvement in engine components, drivetrain, electronics... the list goes on. These cars are in fact a lot more robust than the originals. That said, all of these cars are meant to be pushed to the limit, and as such will need a lot of care. Servicing these cars will probably not be cheap. Not to mention, the hand-made interiors, the shiny new paint... these will all need good care if you want to look your best at the new car show. As such, we give these cars a **2.5/5** - they will indeed need a lot of care to look and perform their best.Hardiness
The good news is, that if you take good care of these beasts, they will reward you with many years (and miles) of fun on the road. Mons Customs has upgraded many components of the cars, and when possible weather-protected the chassis and panels. Many engine, suspension, and brake components have been upgraded significantly to reduce weight, improve performance, and not the least to enhance durability. As such, these cars are virtually bomb-proof. We give these cars a score of **4/5**.Availability
Mons Customs works exclusively on bespoke, custom orders. The queue is rather long and filled with celebrities and top car enthusiasts. As such Mons Customs is very selective about who they take as customers. You and your project have to fit within their vision. As such, we can only give availability of a Mons Customs a score of **1/5**.Upfront Costs
All of Mons Customs' restomods push the limits of their customers' budgets. If you want quality, you will have to pay. Another major cost is that you probably want a good garage to house your bespoke restomodded custom. The least expensive component is probably the original base car that you have to supply... although, depending on what you want rebuilt, that could be quite expensive too. As such, we give a score of **2/5** for upfront costs; not the lowest score simply because you _can_ restomod a very cheap base car, if you wanted.In conclusion, we give a Mons Customs restomod an average score of…
2.6/5
In other words, if you are a true restomod enthusiast and can afford it and are willing to put in the work to take care of your baby so it looks and performs its best every day, then you cannot get a better investment than a Mons Customs restomod. But it is certainly not for everybody. In fact, if you ask yourself the question “Is a Mons Customs restomod the right car for me?”, then it probably isn’t.
3 Likes
Ignoring the fact that it shares one half of its name with a legendary Japanese sports car and the other half with the most powerful trim of an American pony car, this is an apt name for Mons’ interpretation of a restomodded Buick GNX - speed demons will flock to it in droves.
Shijiazhuang Motors Presents - The X1
A car that requires you cross-reference the name from other forum posts!
A car funded by the Chinese government, so that The West can more efficiently fund Communism!
A car for the type of person who wants to be comfortable, but not respected!
If you’re the type of person who wants to get shot at by a man holding a sawed-off shotgun in his right hand and a confederate flag in his left, yelling “Freedom Ain’t Free!” while driving through rural Alabama on your annual family road trip, this is the car for you!
If you want a car less reliable than your dad’s favorite NFL team, this is your car!
2000 Shijiazhuang Motors X1, You Wanted An Allroad, Didn’t You?
2 Likes
About 24h to go - let me know if you have something in the works and need a bit of extra time.
(I missed the van challenge!!!)
Thissssss, is the Wells V1 Touring.
A van that families never knew they needed, or wanted for that matter.
The V1 Touring is something Wells dubbs, a “Sport Van”.
Who would’ve thought we’d see the day when Sport and Van are connected and joined at the hip.
Vans are normally classified as boring, anyway you look at it. Grocery getters and people movers…basic transportation.
Not the V1 Touring. This…VAN, is nothing of the sort. Packing 344hp and 404lb ft @3300rpm with a 0-62 time of 6.3 seconds, this …VAN is no slouch.
How fast do you need to get your kids to soccer practice anyway? Are you afraid your milk is gonna spoil from the store to your house?
Thank goodness for all the electronic goodies or else soccer moms and dads would be burning rubber in every parking lot.
The V1 is slated to hit dealers at the end of summer. Expect to fork over a hair under 50k for the front wheel drive Touring model.
Yes, I said Front Wheel Drive…AWD is extra.
Ok… time’s up, and the poll is up:
The poll is open until 2021-07-02 AOE (anywhere on Earth)
Less than 48 hours to get your vote in!
I am about to put together the results, so if you haven’t voted yet, please do so in the next 20 minutes or so…
Spoof your Brand! challenge - Results
Ok, we had six entries and eleven votes - so I guess it’s not the been most popular challenge… Score is the average rank, so less is better.
6th place
Wells V1 Touring - A van that families never knew they needed, or wanted for that matter
Avg survey score: 4.36
5th place
2000 Shijiazhuang Motors X1 - a car that requires you cross-reference the name from other forum posts!
Avg survey score: 3.83
4th place
Clint’s Reptiles let’s review Mons Customs restomods, scoring 2.6/5
Avg survey score: 3.73
3rd place
Schnell DB 5.0 - Slightly less underpowered for a sports car
Avg survey score: 3.64
2nd place
Mr CAT (Common Automobile Tester) vs. RAUK PM2
Avg survey score: 2.55
1st place
Kiran Heibon - This is the best we can do. Sorry.
Avg survey score: 2.36
So, that’s it folks, congratulations to Hilbert and everyone else!
On a personal note, I certainly wouldn’t mind Mr CAT at some point getting his own irregular column somewhere around this W E B S I T E… 
5 Likes
Doubtful. A RCR ripoff was fun once but there is only so much you can do with it before it starts to get repetitive.
1 Like