The 2023 Trafikjournalen 24h of clunkers - (END OF RACE!)

Team Highway Hooligans

Team Information and Index


(Another collab with @Elizipeazie, as expected.)


Highway Hooligans, 4 PM to 8 PM

Jake yawns as he aims the car around the track, surprised at how tiring the whole process could be. It’d only been 4 hours behind the wheel, but with the added drag on the steering and watching out for “high speed” traffic, he was starting to get physically and mentally exhausted. The end result was that Jake, after fighting off another yawn and watching out for two actively crashing cars, ended up drifting wide in a sweeping turn and scraping up the side of the limousine by using the guardrail to turn, like a wall-rider in a video game.

“Guys, I’m coming into the pits before I fuck up the car.”


In the pit lane, chaos ensued. “Val’s still asleep!” Cody yells.

“So wake him up, Cody, while Jake brings the limo in,” Trevor responds.

As Jake approaches in the great-lumbering-shit-barge, Cody runs over to the truck where Val’s sleeping. He tries knocking on the window first, and yelling “Val! Jake came in early, we need you behind the wheel!”

The end result was no response. Cody sighs and yells to Trevor, “He sleeps like the dead!”

“Hey, Jake, hit the horns,” Trevor says.

Jake shrugs, then hits the horn button three times, amused by the old-school and surprisingly loud horns attached to the bumper.

Sound Reference

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dqc6yRIHiW0

“Well, I suppose that’s the first proper test of those since we installed them for Shitbox 23,” Jake admits.

A proper test which turned out surprisingly successful as Valentin actually returns from his almost-comatose state to being somewhat awake.

“Huh… what is going on here?” Valentin inquires, taking a moment to reorient himself in the Moover truck, “It isn’t even time yet…”

“Jake came in early after scuffing the whole side of the car up on a guard-rail,” Cody admits.

Jake climbs out of the car and groans, taking a few unsteady steps toward a lawn chair and practically falling in it. “It wouldn’t be so bad if there weren’t fuckin’ 50 other cars crowding around the barge at all times,” Jake grumbles, “but between the steering and the lack of power, I’m getting road fatigue.”

Trevor shrugs. “Well, either Val can hop in, if he’s ready, or one of us can take over for a while.” He looks over toward Cody and Val, then yells, “Hey, Val, you up for an early take-over, or should one of us draw straws to see who takes over?”

While the others discussed further actions, Valentin took the opportunity to cease nanite-induced sedation, instead, they are now used to speed up Valentin’s would-be hour-long process of mentally getting going to acceptable levels.

“Three, maybe five minutes and i can go.” he eventually responds, already digging around for his helmet.

A couple of minutes later, Valentin is about as ready as can be, ‘gracefully’ climbing into the car and buckling up.

“I’m just gonna try and not break it, right?” he inquires, now realizing that getting the car in drive is… a challenge.

Trevor nods. “From what Jake has said, the thing’s a bit of a beast, so taking it slow for a bit might be a good idea. After all, it’s an endurance event, not a sprint - Any laps you can make are good ones.”

“Put the hammer down and give 'em all hell!” Cody yells. “We’ve got the bash bar in case you have to bump someone out of your way.”

“Good luck out there, Val,” Jake adds, giving Val a thumbs up as Trevor snaps a picture of the driver in the right hand seat of the car.

“Sorry, just, first time the dual-control-system’s getting used, so I’m making a note in case this works really well for some… Wacky races. A thought I’ve had forever has been to have one guy operating the pedals, and their co-pilot gets the steering wheel,” Trevor admits.

Valentin just nods before starting a yoga session to shift the car to ‘drive’ with his left knee.
“Off I go then…” he mutters, tentatively making his way out onto the track, unfamiliar with racing, the track, the car and it’s non-standard control scheme.

As Valentin sets out onto the track, the remaining crew in the pit area settle in to watch some of the racing.

Sure, their own car was now trundling around the track at “granny goes out for groceries” pace, but there was still plenty of excitement, like the tippy Tarquini forcing the IP and the Velocity to munch on the guardrail, or the Hakumai plowing into the rail.

“That’ll be a setback,” Trevor blurts out, watching as the Hakumai crawls into the pits for fuel and to fix the car.

“Yeah, they’ll have to unfuckify the whole front end,” Cody adds.

A squirming Kahzron wiggling down the track gets a chuckle out of Jake. “Well, it’d be a good martini mixer - “Shaken, not stirred,” after all.”

“Might be strategic,” Trevor admits. “It slowed down that Ferdon.”


The rolling commentary continued for some time as the race progressed, though the one thing that remained constant was the casual pace of Val in the Bricksley.

“Wonder if the throttle cable needs adjustment…” Trevor says, watching as the Bricksley gets passed by just about everything again, though this time, the Velocity goes to pass, gets into a skid, nearly hits the already-badly-beaten Hakumai, and forces the Seongu wide to avoid a four car tangle with the Bricksley being the only one likely to survive such an encounter. He watches with gleeful amusement as the SED and the McNamara have to pile on their brakes to avoid the chaos.

Then, as Valentin brings the car in for fuel, Cody grabs the fuel cans and Trevor looks through the window.

“Is there something wrong with the accelerator?” Trevor asks.

“Cannot tell. Honestly, I have been going cautious so as to not fuck things up…” Valentin somewhat sheepishly admits, his foot firmly on the brake pedal so as to prevent the car from crawling into the pit box ahead of him.

“Vague steering, the biggest car in the field and an upturned bucket covered in a blanket for a seat makes for suboptimal conditions.” He adds, “I can try to get a semblance of speed going…”

Jake chuckles. “Glad to hear that our impressions of the car are quite similar despite different seating positions,” he admits.

“Full tank!” Cody yells.

Trevor shrugs. “Only one way to know if the gas pedal works properly. I think we got the transmission kickdown cable hooked up for both of them, so if it’s in top gear and doesn’t want to go, just stomp on the throttle - It’ll make the automatic downshift. Anyway, good luck out there.”

Trevor steps back, making sure everyone’s clear of the car before tapping twice on the roof to let Val know he’s clear to go.

“Good to know.” Valentin quickly responds before actually flooring it this time.
The burst of enthusiasm lasted all the way to the first corner at the exit of pit road, where he promptly missed the braking point by an entire postcode, thus understeering into the dirt behind that turn.

“Right… More speed equals earlier brakes,” Valentin reminded himself once he maneuvered his way back onto the track, eventually finding what loosely could be called a rhythm.

Trevor grimaces as he watches the Bricksley take off like a rocket and then skid way into the dirt at the first turn. “Probably should have warned him that the cross-ply tires are a little bit shit, but at least he learned without putting the car in the wall,” Trevor mutters to himself.

As the Velocity tries to overtake the Bricksley with even more speed this time, they learn the lesson about braking distances as well, firing their car into the guardrail with a solid sounding crunch. A little bumper tag between the TDF and the Hakumai gets a chuckle out of Cody, and Jake witnesses the aftermath of the Crown Vic kissing a guardrail and popping the radiator. Then the Kahzron punts the Wartburg, which doesn’t go over too well for the Soviet breadbox as it returns to the pits for some panel beating. Jake watches with curiosity as the various, and varied, crew members try to straighten out the van enough to keep going.

The remaining hour goes by quite quickly, with just a few more bangs and scuffs from other cars, another trip to the pits for the Kahzron, and a bit more bumper tag from the Hakumai, this time with the Ferdon.

2 Likes
Timeloss
Part One and Two: Noon to 4PM & 4PM to 8PM

Notes: All are written as catalogued notes by Mirage.

Noon - Race started, already got into some problems with the VerBanka, thankfully Ruuka was able to keep things in line. We’re slow, like we expected, but it shouldn’t be too bad.

2pm - Still not much, few spins around us, and some other collisions. We’ve made sure not much else happens.

3pm - Small tappies with the MCP, bastards need to learn to drive better.

4pm - tracking us as 68 laps behind the leader, 4 hours in. Aurora’s also telling me we’re only 7 laps off the Crown Vic, who is ahead of us.

4pm again - Right as I close up that fact, clatter the guardrail. Damage looks minimal from what I can see from here, but not a good sign. Hopefully it doesn’t get worse.

5pm - Excellent driving from Ruuka puts us up on the bike, but needed to avoid the damn Crown Vic having an accident.

5:30 - Whelp, Velocity hit us. Breadbox is looking worse for wear. Any more, might have to start making some repairs. Really not gonna enjoy that otherwise.

7pm - Another smack with the wall gives us too much damage to be comfortable with. We’re pulling into the pits to see what’s broken.

7pm Damage Assessment - Tie rod was buggered, got Zoya and Victoria to smack the thing back into shape, but we have no idea if it’ll hold up. Swapped out Ruuka for Selena, hopefully she can keep things in check better, but we might be getting touchy.

8pm - Another 4 hours, another lap check in. Dead last still, 355 laps completed (One for every day of the year - G) sitting at 176 laps down on the leading team. Aurora’s pegged us at 36 laps down on 25th, solid gap, gonna need for some other teams to have some bigger issues. I’ll check back in if something else happens.

3 Likes

TEAM TRAFIKJOURNALEN
PART 1.2 - 4 PM-8 PM

“Well, it’s almost going too well”, Hansen said to Andersson.

“At least for us”, Andersson replied, and laughed at team SRD trying to use a ratchet strap to get their trunk on the SED to close.

A while later, they saw the little crackerbox meeting the guardrail, but they agreed that despite a (hopefully) well built cage, some guardrail brushing was better than a Tarquini van flattening you.

“Man, you blamed ME for playing pinball with the cars on the track two years ago”, Andersson said to Hansen. “What do you say about the idiots in the Velocity then, crashing into absolutely everything? It is like freakin’…banger racing!”

“I guess you could say that they are going bananas”, Hansen said, laughing, without Andersson having a clue why.

Being half asleep for a while, they woke up to a yellow thing surrounded by a steam cloud coming into the pits. It seemed like the Crown Vic needed a radiator change. Well, nothing the team needed help with, probably. No fire that needed to be put out.

Falling asleep again, they woke up to the sound of a sledgehammer, being related to Timeloss trying to correct the toe in from hell on their Soviet van. But all in all, there had not been much drama, and Carlén rolled in with a slightly battered, but sound, Rubiq, and left over the wheel to Hansen. Trafikjournalen’s own Captain Slow.

(Teams mentioned: @SCSI @Danicoptero @Djadania / ChatGPT @DaBoss4344 @Fayeding_Spray )

3 Likes

8 PM - MIDNIGHT:

We see now how the McNamara is drifting wildly through the corners. The Carlisle hits the Bricklet with a heavy thud, and we have another couple of cars looking rather sad at the moment, but still without any critical damage it seems like. What follows is that the Crown Vic gives the Carlisle a little tap. The next thing that happens is that the VerBanka and the Ferdon has some close contact, and the Ferdon shows off some wheelspin when trying to take off again. The Velocity bites the guardrail when there is an attempt to avoid getting into that action. The Elba is a little bit late in filling up the tank and sputters towards the pits. The SED does some light contact with the rail. The driver of the Uyemura does its best to avoid all the chaos on the track, but seems to have hands full with that at the moment. The Bricklet seems to run completely out of fuel and is coasting towards the pits. The CAC takes a corner with way too much speed and….BANG! There it goes into the guardrail. Since the whole front end is pushed in a fair bit, being dangerously close to lots of moving parts, the team has to spend lots of time in the pits to straighten things out. The next thing happening is that the Primus gives the Hakumai kind of a hard hit, but that doesn’t end well for the lighter Primus either, both cars looks like they are close to falling apart. While the Hakumai drives away, the Primus gets hit by the Kazhron immediately afterwards. And…uhm, well, it seems like that solved the problem with the inoperable drivers door a bit too well. The door flies open and now mr. Nilfert tries to close it multiple times in anger, with no success. The car goes into the pits where they have to solve that problem more permanently. The Kazhron follows it closely into the pits, for a refuelling, and we just hope that team Timeloss won’t have to face too much German fury at the moment.

Maybe it is getting a little slippery in the misty evening because the Newton seems to slip around like a soap bar now. Far from the, at the moment, rather cautious driving by the Caducus. The McNamara goes in for refuelling. Another car encountering traction problems seems to be the Carlisle, and the same could be said about the IP. The Velocity is once again playing pinball against the guardrail, and this time it has to spend some time in the pits for straightening out sheetmetal. The Wartburg and the Kazhron gets into yet another crash. Unfortunately, it also means that the frame of the Wartburg is bent like a banana from all the crashing, and the Wartburg is out of the race. The Kazhron seems to still be operable, however, a huge dent in the floor of the forward control van means that the clutch pedal now can’t be pressed down, so they have to spend some time in the pits to solve that problem.The TDF driver notices the two wrecked cars a bit late, almost veering off the track with locked up wheels. The driver of the Ferdon strikes the guardrail in an attempt to escape this mess. The Primus is barely making it through a corner now, plowing straight ahead on the front end with screeching tyres.

The Carlisle understeers through a couple of corners now. The Velocity hits the Bricksley at such an angle that one of the doors is almost ripped off, only dangling on one hinge, and the Hooligans will have to do some brainstorming in the pits to come up with a solution for this “interesting” situation. The Elba and Uyemura swerves for some flying debris from the Bricksley. The Bricklet looks pretty sad after swiping the guardrail but it seems like no repairs are needed, at least yet.

After a crash between the Hakumai and the VerBanka, the hood of the Hakumai flies open and is bent out of shape, we bet Team Slow will have to spend quite a lot of time in the pits to straighten it out enough to latch again. The Newton goes in for its third fuel stop. In a tight corner, the Velocity comes into some close contact with the Caducus, but it doesn’t seem to have affected the vehicles all that much. The Tarquini and the CAC are the next cars to smash together. It is said that the brake pedal in the CAC went to the floor, so team GRTT are now in the pits, trying to rebuild the master cylinder. The Tarquini doesn’t seem to have suffered that much in the contact with the lighter CAC, but since it is time for a fuel stop, the team at least does a small overall check of the vehicle condition. The next smashup happens between the TDF and MCP, and that sends the MCP to the pits for some panel beating with the BFH. After refuelling, the Crown Vic leaves the pits with squealing tyres. The Hooligans are still in the pits, trying out different creative solutions to get the door back on the Bricksley. The SED goes into the pits to fill up the tank, so does the Primus and Rosewood.

The Hakumai comes out from the pits with its hood straightened out, and its tank filled up. Also, it seems like the hooligans have found some creative way to re-attach the door of their Bricksley, because now it is in place again, and the car re-enters the track. The Newton spins around in a corner but faces the correct direction again after the skid is over, and is able to continue driving. The Caducus coming after, interestingly enough, seems almost synchronized in repeating the same maneuvre. The next car to spin out is the McNamara, followed by the Velocity and its usual reckless driving. We guess the driver of the TDF now regrets what he did, trying to push the Bricksley off the track it seems like, because that behemoth wasn’t affected all that much, while the TDF needs to have some sheetmetal straightened out in the pits. We’re a bit unsure if all the driving we see from the Comedians Clique in the Arlington is all that bright at the moment, and it was probably not the best move from the Crown Vic to try to pass it, because that resulted in some spectacular skidding. The next thing that happens is some ugly bumping by the Bricksley into the Kazhron, and it seems like all the crashing has taken its toll on the Soviet breadbox now, especially the hit from a 2 ton limo, because now there is not a straight part on the van, and everything else seems to be close to falling off, and Timeloss decides to end their racing for this year. The driver of the ACR has to take it a bit careful when passing that mess. The Uyemura skids a bit wide through the corners. It seems like the MCP is kind of a tough nut to crack, because it is still in the pits, with the team trying to beat it into shape again. The same could be said about team GRTTT, still trying to refurbish the brake master cylinder of the CAC. The ACR goes in for refuelling, so does the Seongu.

The McNamara bumps into the Caducus, which seems to knock out the headlights of the McNamara. Being late at night, they are quite necessary so it’s a quick visit in the pits to replace the cracked sealed beams is made. The Velocity goes in for refuelling. The Crown Vic does some rather wide skids at the moment, and the driver of the Seongu seems to have gotten a little unexpected liftoff oversteer. The Hooligans strangely enough takes it a bit easy in the Bricksley, instead of choosing to knock the Seongu off the track. The ACR then gets into some close contact with the TDF. The Uyemura goes in for refuelling. Team Machinas con Passione has finally decided to give up on the MCP, they don’t find any hope in being able to fix the crash damage, and is out of the race. It goes a bit better for team GRTTT, the master cylinder is refurbished, the brakes are bled, and they arrive at the track again with fully working brakes on the CAC.

Now, the McNamara and the Velocity almost gets into a tangle and both vehicles does a spinout when trying to avoid that. The Ferdon and then the Crown Vic has to rapidly slow down to not get into that. The Elba too, but that one seems to be using the guardrail for slowing down. The driver of the SED is a bit less lucky and hits the McNamara. Now, a while later the Uyemura and Bricklet are the next couple of cars spinning out in an attempt to not hit each other.The Primus and the Rosewood brakes rather hard to avoid them.

The Hakumai does some wide skids now. The Caducus has to go in for a fuel stop. The canvas roof of the IP has started to concern our own guys with some worrying flapping in the wind, so their solution is to go into the pits and do some creative work with the duct tape to hold it down before it flies off. The VerBanka goes in for a little less dramatic refuelling. The Velocity takes a corner a bit too wide and almost drifts off the track. The TDF goes in for refuelling along with the Arlington. The Rosewood does a little spinout.

Half of the race is done and the standings are like this now:

  1. Team Oxracers II - Seongu - Lap #783 @AndiD
  2. Team Rcket - Bricklet - Lap #779 @Sealboi
  3. Team Chitco - VerBanka - Lap # 764 @MrdjaNikolen
  4. The Comedians’ Clique - Arlington - Lap # 757 @Texaslav
  5. Team SRD - SED - Lap #741 @SCSI
  6. The Spy kids - Rosewood - Lap #738 @SheikhMansour
  7. Team Daytona Dreamers - McNamara - Lap #726 @Maverick74
  8. Team Slow - Hakumai - Lap #722 @interior
  9. Team Shed Mechanics - Elba - Lap #720 @06DPA
  10. Burned gasket endurance team - Carlisle - Lap #720 @Snarklz
  11. Team Dancing queen - Newton - Lap #717 @stm316
  12. Team Bakewell Baguette - Ferdon - Lap #716 @Mythrin
  13. The Rhino Squad - Primus - Lap #715 @Happyhungryhippo
  14. Team Stamppot, Saucijzen & Shitbox - ACR - Lap #715 @shibusu
  15. Team Let’s get this bread - Tarquini - Lap #710 @Danicoptero
  16. Team Trafikjournalen - IP - Lap #709 @Knugcab
  17. Team Transporttjäns Eriksson AB Eslöv - Caducus - Lap #701 @WoodenPlankGames
  18. Team Green Speed Racing - Velocity - Lap #661 Chat GPT
  19. Team Polka Dots - Uyemura - Lap #653 @doot
  20. Team GRTTT - CAC - Lap #630 @Djadania
  21. Team Men of Wheels - TDF - Lap #613 @Restomod
  22. The Smith Brothers - Crown Vic - Lap #591 @DaBoss4344
  23. Team Highway Hooligans - Bricksley - Lap #561 @Madrias / @Elizipeazie
  24. Team machinas con passione - MCP - Lap #633 (DNF) @SurrealCereal
  25. Team Eberswalder Rennkollektiv - Wartburg - Lap #545 (DNF) @HermannMatern
  26. Team Timeloss - Kazhron - Lap #439 (DNF) @Fayeding_Spray
5 Likes

9 PM

Thomas was just casually doing his laps, as he braked and the cars front right brake disc broke, the ABS failed and the car skidded right into the Hakumai.

ARGH SHIT, WHAT WAS THAT? F…

The engine stalled and Thomas has trouble getting it back on. But just in that moment a totally banged old soviet van crashed full force into him, the rear window shatters in thousands of pieces, but at least the car is moving again, as the push persuaded the engine to return at work.

A very exhausted Chanty switched back from hot chocolate to coffee, as sleeping won´t work for her anyway, as the walkie-talkie had Thomas yelling.

I NEED YOU IN THE PITS. Fucking door doesnt close, I have no headlights and we need to do a full check.

Daddy, are you ok?

Who cares? We are loosing position and the car is trash, thats what counts!

Then stop caring for me, if you can´t even care for yourself! We are coming, anyway…

As the cabin is only five minutes away from the pit lane, getting there together with Jan was easy. Thomas immediately stopped after seeing them waving at him.

Jan: Jack it up in the front and get the wheels off! Chantal: Take the Maglites and mount them in the headlights… or what´s left of it… I need to see something in the dark. I will check what´s broken.

Miraculously, the cooling system was fully intact. The oil consumption has not worsened since the last refill and the engine itself seems unharmed. But a tie rod end snapped, and Thomas looks for the spare part in his “magic box”. Just after he repaired the brakes and steering, he realized how much time he had lost.

Don´t look at me like that! I need to find my piercing. If you wouldnt stress me that much I wouldn´t have bitten on it.

DAMN, CHANTAL JUST PUMP THE DAMN BRAKES! THE SYSTEM IS NOT PROPERLY VENTED! IT IS NOT THAT HARD, DAMN!

Chanty runs away in tears as she can absolutely not bear stress, and Jan took over.

Argh, damn, I didnt mean to be harsh to her, but she really needs to at least be able to deal with some kind of stress, if only briefly. Running away from difficulties will keep her away from everything she wants to archieve. She can´t avoid that out there in real life. You look after her? And tell her I love her?

Sure, Thomas.

All right, that looks good, no more air in the brake fluid. Now only a drip of oil for the engine and I am ready to go!

When running away, Chanty stepped into a screw, what hurt a bit, but luckily not too much, and finally has the idea to look for another smaller one in her pocket, using it as replacement for her lost lip piercing. The smallest she could find was indeed tiny enough to fit through the hole, secured it with a nut, and her sad face turned into pure happiness, as she had a lot of fun fixing this.

She turned back, but just at that moment Jan arrived.

Is he going again? How is his heart? I saw him making that painful face, and I am scared. That´s also why I ran away… I can´t stand seeing that.

Yes, he is going and his heart rate is up again, don´t your hear him shouting at others again?

Oh, you are right… by the way, the service manual for the car, is it still in the cabin?

Yes, why?

Just in case I need to be of assistance again… I`d like to read through it a bit. He still has to go a few hours until you take over, and I can use that time. I am not in TikTok streaming mood anyway.

4 Likes

Team Highway Hooligans

Team Information and Index


(Another collab with @Elizipeazie, as expected.)


Highway Hooligans, 8 PM to Midnight

The first hour goes by relatively well, at least from the pit lane. Jake had, by this time, dozed off in his tent, leaving Cody and Trevor awake to heckle the other teams as they raced around and crashed. The first casualty was the Wartburg, bent out of shape… Or bent into the shape of a banana.

Then the Velocity slams into the “passenger side” front door of the limousine and bounces off, nearly tearing the door off with it.

Trevor grabs the radio and keys it, as well as turning to the Velocity’s pit-box, shouting at Green Speed Racing, “Hey, ASSHOLES, don’t hit the fucking driver’s door! Do that one again, I’ll put a fire axe through your windshield, you cockroaches!”

Out on the road, things were less than stellar, courtesy of the chum-bucket seat and questionable control array, eventually made worse by a hefty shunt into his driver (the front right) door.
In trying to both keep the car on the road and himself from losing any and all concentration to the spike in discomfort, he fails to throw profanities at Green Speed Racing, instead limping it into pit road, trying to not smack the door into himself on the way there.

The car rolls to a rather gentle stop vaguely within the Highway Hooligans pit box.

:sweden: “Made it. I want out…”, Valentin sighs, already unbuckling but keeping the foot firmly on the brake until he can put it in park via the gear lever. He falls back into the seat, grimacing slightly at the harsh impact into it, then takes a few deep breaths.

“Cody, help me get Val out of this car. After a crash like that, he’s not driving - he still has to drive the rig to get us home,” Trevor calls out.

Cody shrugs, then joins Trevor in trying to remove the dangling door so that Valentin has nothing stopping him from getting out of the car.

“Oh, this is going to be impossible…” Cody grumbles, just as the door finally comes off and Trevor leans it up against the fender.

“Well… Val’s side’s basically inoperable at this point. That hinge is ripped in half, the other one is twisted, the latch is ripped out of the B-pillar. If we were back home, I’d weld the door shut. We don’t have a welder,” Trevor replies, “but we have a drill and a box of deck screws. And duct tape.”

“I would rather arrive home in one piece as well…” Valentin comments, finally making his way out of the limousine.
Once out and standing, the helmet is set aside and an extensive stretch in pretty much every conceivable direction follows.
“This is why I generally do not race… going fast is one thing, clashing with other cars is another. Speaking from very intimate experience…” he adds, still in the process if loosening joints.

Trevor shrugs. “I didn’t realize there was going to be so much contact, or I’d have reinforced the barge a bit more.”

Now that Val was out, Cody and Trevor carefully put the door back in the frame, where it promptly falls back out again as both of them go looking for duct tape and deck screws.

They get back, and Cody starts by sticking the door back into the frame with several strips of duct tape. Trevor puts a screwdriver bit into the drill, puts a box of screws on the roof of the car, then crudely drives a screw through the upper door skin and into the body of the car.

The two of them continue this process for 30 minutes, with only a minor pause when Cody ran out of duct tape.

30 minutes had gone by since they’d come into the pits, but with one driver now out entirely and the door sealed in place, Cody cracks open a Monster, chugs it, and gets behind the wheel. “Time to (belch) party!”

The tires chirp as the Bricksley leaves the pit lane, rejoining the track not long after the Hakumai. “What happened, someone leave oil in that corner? I swear, four cars just-” Cody’s broadcast is interrupted by an aggressive shunt by the TDF trying to spin him out, though a bit of casual counter-steering solved that at his end. “Okay, ya bastard, I’ll give you a bumper full of push bar next time I get the chance!”

It was within the same 30 minutes that Cody saw his chance, lining the bash bar up with the TDF’s backside. With a sinister Kevin McCallister impression, Cody hits the radio button as he accelerates, announcing only one word over the I5’s war-cry. “Hello!”

Unfortunately, the TDF dances out of the way of the two ton missile, which plows into the Soviet box-shaped-object, the Kahzron of Team Timeloss.

“Oh fuck! Sorry! That shunt was not meant for you!” Cody yells into the radio.

“Well, they just came into the pits and retired,” Trevor announces.

“God damn it. Didn’t mean to do that to them,” Cody admits.

A few laps later, as the Seongu oversteers out in front of him, Cody accelerates again, though this time, he uses the bash bar for good, not evil, nudging the smaller car straight so it wouldn’t spin out.

By the time midnight rolls around, things seem to be peaceful enough in the Bricksley… For now.

2 Likes

im alive

Team Slow
Chapter 1. Race (i’m not including the other bits because we’d be here for a while)

Japanese engineering does quite well, apart from the small hood incident. We did in fact spend quite abit to make it latch because it wouldnt otherwise. Matt pushes the hood just far enough that it latches. And some zipties. We did drive away from the Primus incident; after refuelling the tank, Izzy gets into the car to race it, and she pulls off, all 3 litres of V8 fury. And later during the race she ends up doing some wide skids. Handling issues perhaps? Besides, it’s not suffering any mechanical flaws… Yet?

(this is quite a short one im sorry but im confirming that i am here)

2 Likes

Midnight - Driver change, collaboration with @HermannMatern

Thomas speeded in to the pits with dangerous speed - it was clear that a driver change was neccecary.

Eh! There you are! I had a flat tire causing me almost to crash into the barrier, but I fixed that myself with the jack. But we are out of the top ten, I guess we better hurry up. Chantal, why are you limping again? What´s wrong?

Stepped into a screw, Jan treated that, keep calm!

Damn, look after yourself and TRY NOT TO DIE! I need to install a new ignition coil, but I havent worked on these old engines for a while. Pass me the handbook, I just need to put on my glass… eh… .gla… eh, HELP! Ugh… hel…

Thomas grabbed on his chest, made a panicking facial expression, then passed out.

Chanty immediately started panicking as well, crying for her boyfriend.

I am here! Don´t worry, I handle this, please keep calm!

Just in this moment the Eberswalder Rennkollektiv with the Wartburg, being out of the race, wanted to welcome Thomas, and withnessed his serious heart attack. Grandpa Klaus-Dieter immediately realized what happened.

ALEXANDER! This does not look good. Distract the girl! If she has a mental breakdown, her boyfriend will not be able to focus on saving the life of Thomas!

Alex Biermann sprinted to Chanty, who indeed was in panic and cried uncontrollably, but Alex pulled her aside and tried to calm her to not distract the medically trained Jan. Every second was important now.

ALEX! MOVE IT! THAT IS AN ORDER! THE LESS SHE SEES, THE BETTER FOR US!

Alex did his best to care for Chantys breakdown, and she soon looked for an escape and just started working on the car to be distracted of all the drama. Meanwhile, Jan tried hard, but Thomas, without pulse, showed no response.

I lose him! Eh, grandpa, HELP ME!

Oh, my young comrade, I doubt we can do something. I heard he lived an unhealthy life, full of grilled sausages, Cabinet Würzig cigarettes and alcohol, especially whisky… his heart is used up, I am sorry. I just brought my best whisky here to ask him for a ride home, and… EH, WHISKY!

Klaus-Dieter ran back to where he dropped the expensive spirit, opened the bottle and held it under Thomas´ nose.

Thomas! I have Sloupisti! THOMAAAAAS! I know you want that, so come back to us now! I won´t empty that all by myself! THOMAS!

Thomas heart slowly started working again, it skipped a few beats, but it worked. He slowly got up, carefully helped by Jan.

Eh? What happ… eh, I don´t care. Klaus-Dieter, what are you doing here?

We are out of the race, Thomas, and you should be grateful to your daughter´s boyfriend. He saved you. Your heart passed out.

Ah, not again.

AGAIN? Really, Thomas? It is this serious and you did not tell us?

Jan, don´t make a drama out of this, thanks a lot, but … hey, Chantal is repearing the car. Without me having to force her to. That´s… great… but seeing her so sad is breaking my heart. Care for her, you are better at that than me. I need to fix the Wartburg! GENOSSEN, GREIFT ZUM WERKZEUG!

Thomas grabbed his toolbox, and even if everyone told him that he needs some rest, he grabbed the whisky bottle of Klaus-Dieter and commanded the Wartburg team to get to the car.

Jan put on his racing suit, calming down his still very scared girlfriend.

He looks much better now. Don´t worry. He will be fine. He is already complaining and cursing again.

Will… at least you promise not to leave me alone? Will you?

Never. Ever. Are you ready maintaining our car?

By following the service manual I changed again the spark plugs, the faulty ignition coil, filled up oil and coolant… and used my lipstick to draw a heart on the dashboard, so that you know who waits for you.


6 Likes

The Erikssons

Post 3 - Hours 9-12


More Racing

Several hours of uneventful racing were interrupted by a spin.

“Linnea, I’m not sure what you’re doing out there, but our handbrake isn’t in good enough shape for you to be trying to turn with it.”

However, again not much else happened.


Once more crackles to life the radio.

“Linnea, it’s midnight. Pit time again.”

Just under a minute later, the Caducus was on approach. Aatto was left alone in the pits this time, with no chance for more mechanical inspections, but fuel stops are still fuel stops.

As Linnea approaches with her window down, Aatto chucks her another Gatorade, pouring in another tank of fuel and then waving her on silently.

As the Van speeds off once again, Aatto sighs.

“Awful lonely out here.”

We are still in the race, so all good. No one is dying, and everyone is having fun in the team.

TEAM TRAFIKJOURNALEN
PART 1.3 - 8 PM-MIDNIGHT

“OUCH, look at all the drama out there”, Carlén said to Andersson. “I hope the IP won’t get involved.”

“Not with Hansen driving”, Andersson said. “He’s so slow he won’t get there in time for anything to happen!”.

“You do have a point”, Carlén answered while looking at Jon Arbuckle trying to bash the panels of the CAC into something resembling its original shape again.

“I can’t hear what you’re saying”, Andersson answered. “There is a German screaming and trying to bang the door closed on his Primus, without too much success”.

Somehow, Hansen managed to steer clear through all the drama with the little crackerbox, spare for a surprisingly slippery portion of the track. Slow but steady. Until…oh, crap, what is happening up front? He saw dust flying everywhere and…oh, the Bricksley driving around with a flapping door, wearing traces of puke green paint. Not a good sign.

“What the f… have happened to the Bricksley?”, Andersson said in the pits. “They are trying to put the door back, with like…tape and self tapping screws?”

“It seems like the meatheads in that puke green not a Lada can’t drive at all, honestly speaking”, Carlén said. “I hope karma will get them…”, only to be interrupted by Jon Arbuckle screaming something about why there are lasagna residues in the box containing the seals for the master cylinder.

A while later, out on the track…

FFFLFLLLLLALPPPPPPERRRRRRR!!!

“Crap…guys…this canvas roof will soon fly off and…I don’t know, maybe hit the windshield of the Velocity. Not that they will drive any worse if they can’t see shit, but we need to fix this… I am coming back into the pits…”

With a roll of tape in each hand and some teamwork, the three men managed to put the roof back down, probably not flying anywhere, at least for now…

TO BE CONTINUED…

Mentions: @Djadania @Happyhungryhippo @Madrias / @Elizipeazie

1 Like

MIDNIGHT - 4 AM:

The Seongu now seems to be affected by lift off oversteer in yet another corner, and it is followed by the Bricklet doing slides that are more spectacular than effective, the same could be said for the Newton. The Ferdon has to do a stop for refuelling. When the Velocity slides into the guardrail tail first, the rear window shatters into pieces. After a quick visit in the pits, the window is replaced with a piece of tarp duct taped in place. After some guardrail nudging, the front wheel arch of the CAC is rubbing the tyre, a quick pitstop is needed to bend it back. There is some slight contact between the IP and the TDF but that doesn’t seem to affect any of the cars all that much. The McNamara, however, manages to avoid getting into that crash, as well as the Hakumai.

Yes, we know that drifting Bricklets isn’t an uncommon sight, but the question is if team Rcket has gotten some things wrong since at the moment it looks more like a drifting event for them. The Uyemura swipes the rail just slightly. The Newton runs out of fuel and has to coast to the pits for a fuel stop. The Velocity hits the ACR from behind, sending it into the rail. Unfortunately, the encounter with the rail also meant that the, according to what the team said, already bad engine mounts of the ACR separated completely, pushing the engine backwards, bending the propshaft which also put some strain on the rear diff, so the car is a total loss by now, and out of the race. The Bricksley is then almost plowing into the Velocity from behind, using the parking brake to counteract the massive understeer, ending up facing the wrong way. The CAC then has to swerve to not hit the Bricksley head on when the limo tries to get out of the mess. It seems like the drivers of the Primus and the VerBanka had some similar ideas about how they should avoid getting into a pileup in this mess now, unfortunately it only ended up with them hitting each other. Even though the Primus starting to look like a green raisin by now, it seems to be able to drive away, as well as the VerBanka. The McNamara chooses to pick the guardrail instead with a bang. The car looks very sad by now, but seems to be able to keep driving. The Crown Vic follows afterwards but that’s not more than a slight tap of the rail. The Rosewood manages to brake before it is too late.

It seems like the short wheelbase Seongu isn’t always the most stable vehicle in the corners, judging by the driving we see from it now, and the Arlington is following with some hefty slides. For once, the driver of the Velocity seems to take it a bit easy, the McNamara’s driver seems to be looking for an opportunity to pass the Velocity, but without too much luck. It seems like they need to fill up the tank anyway, so it was maybe not that much of a loss. The Caducus gives the Uyemura a little tap. There has been a weird sound from the rear suspension of the Crown Vic, and it is apparently a rear shock absorber bushing that now is more or less gone, so a pitstop to replace it is done. The Carlisle goes in for refuelling. The Hakumai does a spinout.

The Seongu hits the guardrail with a crunch, but seems to be OK still. The Bricklet drifts a bit wide when trying to avoid the Seongu bouncing back. The Arlington brakes heavily to avoid the same thing. In a battle of the puke greens, the Newton hits the Velocity from behind. The CAC hits the guardrail hard enough to bend the hood in a manner that reduces visibility, so some creative work with flattening it down has to be done in the pits. With the IP doing its first fuel stop, all the cars now have refuelled at least once. The Hakumai then sideswipes the Bricklet badly enough for team Rcket to realize that the bodywork of the car now is too far gone, and they decide to give up for this year.

We see a bit more careful driving than earlier from Team Oxracers in the Seongu, maybe necessary since there has been both close calls and actual incidents lately. The Ferdon have appearantly had a blinking oil light for a while, and the team is doing an attempt to see if an oil and filter change will cure that. The Newton scrapes the guardrail slightly. The Velocity also hits the guardrail, and it seems to have punched a hole in the radiator. The team is trying to solve it in the pits by putting a patch made out of an old coke can over the hole with epoxy putty and duct tape. Some debris from the Velocity seems to hit the windshield of the McNamara hard enough to totally crack it beyond the limits of visibility. Not being prepared for this, the team can’t find out a good enough temporary replacement with the stuff they have at hand, and decides to end the race for this year. The Bricksley goes in for refuelling. The Primus is now plowing with the front end through a corner it entered too fast, almost hitting the VerBanka if it had not been for the quick reactions of its driver. The Crown Vic spins out when trying to avoid getting into that mess, so does the Hakumai.

The Arlington is now doing a relatively wide skid through a corner. The SED hits the guardrail and the bumper is now scraping the ground, which the team fixes quickly with zipties in the pits. The Uyemura barely escapes the same fate shortly afterwards. Not as lucky is the Ferdon that does some slight scraping but without major damage. The driver of the Newton seems to take that corner slowly, wisely enough maybe. The Bricksley brakes a bit harder before a corner than expected maybe, in any case the Primus hits it from behind. The front end of the Primus is now smashed in so hard that some creative sledgehammer work is needed in the pits to free all the moving parts from a sheetmetal prison. The VerBanka has to swerve to avoid the mess. The SED brakes to avoid the mess but is soon after that hit from behind by the Crown Vic. The Carlisle has to swerve quickly to not in turn hit the Crown Vic. The Hakumai goes in to fill up the tank.

The Tarquini hits the Primus from behind, hard enough to bend the frame rails and rear axle mounting points out of shape. The Rhino squad has now given up all hope for the little green raisin and drops out of the race. To make things even worse, after the Tarquini has moved out of place, the SED hits the wrecked Primus once again, meaning that even the SED is out of the race. To further extend on the pileup, the Arlington hits the wrecked SED, but at least that one is still driveable afterwards. At least the Ferdon manages to swerve to avoid the mess. Unfortunately, the driver of the Newton realizes a bit too late what was happening in front of the Ferdon and is the next car to tap the wreck of the SED. When that mess is at least cleared up, the Bricksley and the Carlisle comes into contact with each other, but without any further drama. Not as lucky is team GRTTT with the CAC, after a crash into the Tarquini the small CAC is more or less obliterated and the team quickly realizes that it is unfixable, deciding to leave the race for this year. The Rosewood goes in for refuelling.

The Arlington does some wide skids through the corners at the moment. The Uyemura goes to the pits for a fuel stop. The Newton and Velocity both spins out when trying not to come into too close contact with each other. The driver of the Bricksley barely avoids hitting any of those cars. The Crown Vic spins around when trying to avoid the messy situation. The Rosewood taps the Hakumai lightly. Before the Hakumai has started to move, it gets hit by the TDF that also is totally out of the race from now on.

  1. Team Oxracers II - Seongu - Lap #1045 @AndiD
  2. Team Chitco - VerBanka - Lap # 1019 @MrdjaNikolen
  3. The Comedians’ Clique - Arlington - Lap # 1009 @Texaslav
  4. The Spy kids - Rosewood - Lap #982 @SheikhMansour
  5. Team Slow - Hakumai - Lap #972 @interior
  6. Team Shed Mechanics - Elba - Lap #966 @06DPA
  7. Burned gasket endurance team - Carlisle - Lap #960 @Snarklz
  8. Team Dancing queen - Newton - Lap #954 @stm316
  9. Team Trafikjournalen - IP - Lap #950 @Knugcab
  10. Team Let’s get this bread - Tarquini - Lap #947 @Danicoptero
  11. Team Transporttjäns Eriksson AB Eslöv - Caducus - Lap #940 @WoodenPlankGames
  12. Team Bakewell Baguette - Ferdon - Lap #923 @Mythrin
  13. Team Polka Dots - Uyemura - Lap #871 @doot
  14. Team Green Speed Racing - Velocity - Lap #869 Chat GPT
  15. The Smith Brothers - Crown Vic - Lap #787 @DaBoss4344
  16. Team Highway Hooligans - Bricksley - Lap #761 @Madrias / @Elizipeazie
  17. Team SRD - SED - Lap #918 (DNF) @SCSI
  18. Team Rcket - Bricklet - Lap #876 (DNF) @Sealboi
  19. The Rhino Squad - Primus - Lap #871 (DNF) @Happyhungryhippo
  20. Team Daytona Dreamers - McNamara - Lap #842 (DNF) @Maverick74
  21. Team Men of Wheels - TDF - Lap #803 (DNF) @Restomod
  22. Team GRTTT - CAC - Lap #776 (DNF) @Djadania
  23. Team Stamppot, Saucijzen & Shitbox - ACR - Lap #745 (DNF) @shibusu
  24. Team machinas con passione - MCP - Lap #633 (DNF) @SurrealCereal
  25. Team Eberswalder Rennkollektiv - Wartburg - Lap #545 (DNF) @HermannMatern
  26. Team Timeloss - Kazhron - Lap #439 (DNF) @Fayeding_Spray
3 Likes

Thomas checked the Wartburg, but it was beyond repair.

Eh, all these years we looked for Bananas and there is finally one.

This is NOT funny, Thomas.

Eh, Alex, just decide what to do with it, if I should throw in on the trailer. I guess our car won´t make it as well.

A more and more drunk Thomas was finally to make a nightly drunk call at his Ex-wife, who is not really fond of that, but… well, as it is also about their daughter, she at least let him speak a few minutes before hanging off.

Only a bit later, Jan called.

Eeeeh, I AM NOT DEAF! WHAT is wrong? Just calm down.

That was a serious crash… its making weird noises now. The other driver didn´t see me, I guess, because we both had almost no time to react.

HOW CAN ANYONE NOT SEEN A FROG GREEN CAR? Should I paint it orange next time? Crap. Is it sitll going?

Yes.

So Jan, what´s the complaint then? As far as I can see with my binoculars, I only need to cut a bit off and check the tires. maybe doing a quick alignment as well. Get in the pits!

Thomas wasn´t happy. There was a lot he wanted to yell at Jan, but didn´t do it since with a lack of experience, things like this can happen. And the most important thing is that Jan was ok.

Nevertheless, Thomas was entertaining the whole pit lane with his curses, and even for those that were able to understand German, the dialect became so strong that - THANKFULLY - nobody understood. After just fifteen minutes, Jan had a drivable car again.

But two hours later, a car in front of Jan braked too hard, and he clearly did not see that coming, as he is the least experienced of the trio. Almost at standstill, another driver that was either tired or distracted hit the Primus Advance with a speed difference of 60 kph.

Jan?

Thomas, I think, we finally hav… BANG

Another car hit the Advance full force, even a rear wheel flew off, the dented hatchback even made a 180-degree turn and almost flipped over.

JAN? JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!

As there was no response for over a minute, Thomas ran faster to the scene that most people half his age couldn´t, and pulled Jan out of the wreck, then, as the rear wheels were falling off, but the car was front wheel drive, retiring it in the pits, while the Fin in the SED that crashed as second in the car dragged the unconscious Jan towards a safe place.

When Thomas secured the wreck and went back to the crash scene, Jan felt very dizzy and could not walk, as he had a lot of pain in his left foot. Thomas carefully helped him going back to the cabin, and it was obvious that Jan could need a doctor, but he rather wanted to see Chanty as soon as possible.

Soon after arriving at the cabin, Chanty fell asleep as she was totally exhausted, but the noise from the two men entering woke her up. She was in immediate shock as she saw Jan being in serious pain, and she yelled at them what they have done this time, and Thomas quickly responded.

Well, the car is absolute trash and is acutally no longer looking like something that reminds of a car, so we are out, Jan has a concussion, a broken ankle, maybe also torn ligaments, and…

BANG

Chanty fainted and fell head first on the table. Thomas quickly grabbed a pillow and carefully put it under her head and cleaned her face.

Argh, crap, that was a full face landing… Jan? What should I do now? Is the nose still ok? Damn. You passed out again! I AM THE ONE WITH THE LEAST MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE HERE AND YOU TWO TEND TO TRY TO GET SIX FEET UNDER YOURSELVES ALL THE TIME! I AM DONE! He noticed his heart aching again, took a deep breath and gently put his daughter to sleep, put a plaster on her nose, then helped Jan in bed, grabbed a bottle of Glenfiddich and emptied at once, then falling deeply asleep on the sofa.

At - more or less - 5 AM, Chanty sneaked out of the cabin and took Thomas´car to get something, and when she was back two hours later, Jan was already awake but still very dizzy, noticing not too much of his surroundings. Thomas was still sound asleep and most likely still not fit for driving, so she decided to get him to the hospital for a check herself.

The doctor decided to keep Jan for a day, and Chanty is at her lowest point since their departure. When Thomas woke up, he noticed that Jan was no longer there, but heard his daughter crying in the bedroom.

Eeeeehhh… I am to old for this shit… JAN? Where are you? Oh… he isn´t dead, is he?

DAD! YOU HAVE THE SENSE OF TACT OF A … HIPPOPOTAMUS! OF COURSE NOT! But he is in hospital, and it is my fault… I urged him to go here.

Nah. We are all adults, although I really doubt it in your case, but we are responsible on our own. What is that for a weird noise?

Thomas found his daughter tattooing herself.

CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! WHERE DID YOU GET THIS AND WHY? WHY?

This is the Alabama of Sweden, right? Everyone has a tattoo machine here. And one guy even wanted to sell 1000 bananas to me. Another one five Ford Capri and none of them ran… as you can see, I am now writing the VIN number of my little…

She sniffed again, sighed, and contined.

Kermit… on my skin. Kermit was my first car, I love him. Please dad, please fix him… I will do everything for you… he is a part of my life.

Was. He WAS a part of your life…

GET OUT! I HATE YOU!

3 Likes

LMAO @ the internal references.

The Erikssons

Post 4 - Hours 13-16


More Racing

A frankly boring stint for Linnea, save for passing a big pile of totalled cars.

“Lin, be advised, you’re up to 11th now. Keep it up.”


As Sven wakes and exits the car, so does Elin. After all, it’s hard to miss him slamming the door.

A few moments later, back in the pit lane, Aatto spots them and grabs the French press. Sven’s driving soon, so god knows he needs it, and to be frank, after 16 hours of pit crewing she could use some herself.

“I’d offer you boys a good morning, but to be frank it’s a bit early for that. I made coffee.”

A collective thank you followed, as Elin prepares for the upcoming refueling stop, and Sven readies to take the wheel. The most aggressive, and arguably the most capable, of the teams drivers, hopefully he can bring it home.


Once more crackles to life the radio.

“Linnea, Pit time again, and you can finally get out of the van.”

Aatto is of course doing her usual organizational role, albeit with less energy than earlier.

“Elin, you’ve got refuelling, Sven; take the wheel.”

This time, all Aatto’s doing is helping Linnea out of the van, but frankly nobody can hold it against her at this time of night.

Elin gives the signal, and Sven’s sped off again. Aatto only has one more thing to say.

“Elin, keep an eye on the van. I’m going to go sleep in the car and I suspect Linnea’s going to join me.”

“Aye ma’am. Have a good rest you two.”

And off they go.

2 Likes

The car is going strong. So are the drivers and team, running on unhealthy amounts of caffeine and determination. After no major incidents in the last 4 hours, the Shed Mechanics are in a good position.

Team Highway Hooligans

Team Information and Index


Highway Hooligans, Midnight to 4 AM, Cody’s POV:

The first 30 minutes of the midnight stage were almost peaceful. Headlights (and high-beams) glowing at full (dim) intensity, the I5 buzzing away under the hood, the other teams crashing well out of the line of sight of the longest shitbox in the world.

As the baby-shit-green Velocity torpedoes the ACR into the guardrail and claims another car, Cody mashes his foot down on the throttle, planning on a little payback for their door and for taking out half the field. Unfortunately, Trevor screams at him over the radio, “CODY! The bash-bar is nearly in the radiator! Don’t fuck up the car!” With a full head of steam behind it, the Bricksley continues its advance on the Velocity until Cody stomps on the emergency brake pedal and hooks the steering wheel, trying to nail the rear quarter panel of the Velocity with their rear bumper. It’s a narrow miss, and nearly ends up in disaster as the CAC has to avoid the great-big-stretched-blue-turd. Likewise, the Primus and the VerBanka had to swerve to avoid it, banging into each other on the way and collecting a few more dents. The McNamara bangs into the guardrail on the other side of the shit-barge Bricksley, followed by the Crown Vic doing the same maneuver, but a bit softer. Then the Rosewood slams on the brakes and loses time to Cody doing a sloppy-as-fuck 5 point turn to get the car pointing the right way around.

“I think I held up almost the entire field there!” Cody declares gleefully, giggling as the great lumbering trash barge picks up speed again.

Cody takes things easy for the next hour, balancing his use of the steering wheel to allow him to also chug a Coca-Cola. He grenades the Velocity’s driver with the can and grins as the puke green squashed turd keeps farther away for a few laps.

Eventually, he has to pull in for fuel, surprised at the fuel efficiency of the 5-cylinder land yacht. Not long afterward, Cody mashes the brakes to avoid leaving the racing line around a corner, and a heavy thump resonates through the car. “What the… Oh. I just accidentally brake-checked the Primus…”

Cody keeps his eyes on the road when the Tarquini rear-ends the Primus and takes it out of the race… And then the SED gives it a good punt and wrecks itself. Then the Arlington hits the SED like a pool cue, slamming the SED up against the Primus just for good measure. The Ferdon dodges it, the Newton scrapes along the SED’s wrecked carcass, and finally, the accidents stop happening. Half a lap later, Cody accidentally crowds the Carlisle with the entire passenger side of the limo, forcing a solid bump and scraping the paint with the wood-screws still sticking out of the passenger-side door.

Then, the Newton and Velocity spin out when trying to avoid a collision (a huge surprise given how the Velocity has driven so far, using everyone else as mobile brakes and guardrails), and Cody threads the needle, smashing the crappy towing mirror off of his door on the way past.

“I’m puttin’ a bounty out on that Velocity. Two hundred United States dollars to whichever team takes out that god-damn turd,” Cody says over the radio.

2 Likes

Extra

Post 5 - Collaboration with Madrias.


Hearing Cody’s offer gets Sven’s attention. Not bothering to click in his walkie talkie to his brother in the pits, a bit of negotiation goes on. Sven’s got a sly tone, but a somewhat playful one as well.

"I might well be convinced, if you’re willing to put your own bodywork into it as well?~

Cody is a little cautious, but determined to see the Velocity done and out of the race, and it shows in his voice.

“You’ve seen our door already. This thing might fall apart if we make another strike at it, but I can try.”

Sven’s got a plan already, and the excitement in his voice is clear as he presents it over the driver’s radio.

“You box him in down the pit straight, and then I’ll show him what a rear end rated for 2 tonnes of cargo does to the front end of an ugly ass sedan!”

Cody laughs, the plan coming together at last. He gleefully presses the radio button and cheerfully commits to the plan.

“The old “swoop and squat!” One big-ass rollin’ roadblock comin’ right up.”


And so, the plan is made. Will it work? That’s up to our host, @Knugcab.

2 Likes

4 AM - 8 AM:

The Elba swipes the guardrail, albeit just slightly. One of the Bricksleys front springs have collapsed, and it is now in the pits for a swap. The Bricksley moving slow for a while gives Team Slow in the Hakumai some troubles of passing. The Carlisle is looking for an opportunity to pass the two of them, without too much luck. The Seongu understeers through a corner, which the driver is trying to counteract with the handbrake, though that results in a spinout. The next car to spin out is the Velocity. The Crown Vic is said to be running very hot at the moment and goes into the pits very carefully. The Newton is going in for refuelling.

The Elba goes in to fill up the tank. Some rusted bolts in the front suspension means that the spring replacement on the Bricksley still takes time. The Tarquini takes a hit against the rail, but even though the front end looks pretty smashed in now, it seems to be driveable. The next car to taste the rail is the Hakumai, albeit not too hard. Since it seems like the serpentine belt jumped in the crash, however, they end up in the pits putting a new one on it. The Velocity goes in for refuelling. The Crown Vic’s troubles seems to be related to the water pump, which the team are changing out at the moment… The Rosewood does a spinout.

The Arlington plows a bit through the corners. The Caducus goes in for a fuel stop. The Hooligans is still working on the Bricksley in the pits, but the report is that they are ready to put things together now again. The driving of the Velocity is a bit all over the place, but it has not crashed into something for a while. The Crown Vic is still in the pits, but ready to be assembled again. The Rosewood scrapes the rail slightly.

The Arlington goes in for refuelling. The Caducus seems to have some trouble with going straight through the corners at the moment. The Bricksley is leaving the pits with spinning wheels, causing the Hakumai to brake for it to not hit it. The IP and Newton then has to swerve to not hit the Hakumai. The Crown Vic does a much less dramatic exit from the pits, though

The Bricksley has its share of trouble, understeering heavily through the corners. The Seongu does some guardrail banging. The Velocity passes the Arlington to then brake check it, unfortunately, the crash damages the battery of the Arlington, something the team seems to not have thought of bringing a replacement for, and hence it is out of the race. The Crown Vic and Rosewood swerves to avoid flying debris from the cars. The Newton on the other hand drives over some of it and has to go to the pits to change the flat tyre.

Vibrations and clunking noises in the Uyemura has lead the team to suspect the flexdisc on the propshaft, meaning that it is now in the pits. The Crown Vic takes a shunt from the Carlisle, unfortunately, all the hard bashing that has taken place on the Carlisle this day now have taken its toll, the front frame rails are simply too bent to take any more abuse now.

It seems like some rusted, rounded bolts around the propshaft flange keeps the Uyemura in the pits. The Elba and the Crown Vic comes into some close contact, but without any devastating damage to the cars. Despite the Bricksley having a chance to pass the Velocity, it seems to follow it close instead, for some reason. That seems to annoy the driver of the Ferdon a bit, since the large limo is blocking the way. The Newton goes in for refuelling.

With a new flexdisc, the Uyemura is back on the track. It is possible that driver fatigue is giving a bit mediocre lap times to the VerBanka by now. The Tarquini tries to find a good possibility to pass it, but no luck. The Hakumai goes in to fill up the tank, so does the Ferdon. Being sort of squeezed in between the Bricksley and the Caducus, the Velocity tries to escape, and gives the guardrail a crunch instead. A visit in the pits to secure the flapping bumper with a rope is necessary for the Velocity. When driving slow to the pits, the Velocity slows down the Rosewood.

  1. Team Oxracers II - Seongu - Lap #1309 @AndiD
  2. Team Chitco - VerBanka - Lap # 1278 @MrdjaNikolen
  3. The Spy kids - Rosewood - Lap #1229 @SheikhMansour
  4. Team Shed Mechanics - Elba - Lap #1204 @06DPA
  5. Team Slow - Hakumai - Lap #1204 @interior
  6. Team Trafikjournalen - IP - Lap #1198 @Knugcab
  7. Team Let’s get this bread - Tarquini - Lap #1185 @Danicoptero
  8. Team Dancing queen - Newton - Lap #1181 @stm316
  9. Team Transporttjäns Eriksson AB Eslöv - Caducus - Lap #1176 @WoodenPlankGames
  10. Team Bakewell Baguette - Ferdon - Lap #1157 @Mythrin
  11. Team Green Speed Racing - Velocity - Lap #1091 Chat GPT
  12. Team Polka Dots - Uyemura - Lap #1039 @doot
  13. The Smith Brothers - Crown Vic - Lap #916 @DaBoss4344
  14. Team Highway Hooligans - Bricksley - Lap #889 @Madrias / @Elizipeazie
  15. The Comedians’ Clique - Arlington - Lap # 1131 (DNF) @Texaslav
  16. Burned gasket endurance team - Carlisle - Lap #1113 (DNF) @Snarklz
  17. Team SRD - SED - Lap #918 (DNF) @SCSI
  18. Team Rcket - Bricklet - Lap #876 (DNF) @Sealboi
  19. The Rhino Squad - Primus - Lap #871 (DNF) @Happyhungryhippo
  20. Team Daytona Dreamers - McNamara - Lap #842 (DNF) @Maverick74
  21. Team Men of Wheels - TDF - Lap #803 (DNF) @Restomod
  22. Team GRTTT - CAC - Lap #776 (DNF) @Djadania
  23. Team Stamppot, Saucijzen & Shitbox - ACR - Lap #745 (DNF) @shibusu
  24. Team machinas con passione - MCP - Lap #633 (DNF) @SurrealCereal
  25. Team Eberswalder Rennkollektiv - Wartburg - Lap #545 (DNF) @HermannMatern
  26. Team Timeloss - Kazhron - Lap #439 (DNF) @Fayeding_Spray
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8 AM, somewhere in swedish Alabama

collaboration with @HermannMatern

Well, I think it is typical to end on the junkyard of history, if it´s a Wartburg. Thanks, Thomas, that you somehow managed to arrange a tasteful… funeral?

I persuaded the principal of the town that a Wartburg used in a competition in Sweden is a sign of unity and peace… so … it will decorate this roundabout for the next years to come. The terrible shape is also a sign that… well… our country was not supposed to last.

It really wasn´t, Thomas? Are you sure about that?

Definitely, I am. But you are right that not everything was shit. I hate that generalization. This Wartburg did great and now serves another purpose. No matter if we were popular, rich or beautiful. There will always be some trace of us somewhere, as long as we are remembered. Things have exactly the value you give to them, and this Wartburg was as pricelessly valuable as Chantys Kar… Ker… eh, that frog car. Let´s go, Klaus-Dieter, before I become sentimental.

Do I spot a tear, young fellow?

Damn, someone finally still calling me “young”… well, let´s now drive somewhere else, I got something to pick up. Do you still feel fit for driving?

Me? Of course. I am 80, not dead!

Meanwhile, Chanty is still very much overstrained with how the things turned out. Her father keeping secret how bad his health problems are, her boyfriend injured, the race not even finished and her beloved Kermit a piece of junk that could not be saved. Although she was on a good way of finally quitting smoking, she just thought… that it doesn´t matter anymore. But a friend she almost forgot about was there for help.

Rudolph? Is this you?

some elk noise

Damn, I must really be at my lowest if I really talk to an … ah, I don´t care. It´s good that you are here, Rudi. Let me hug you, please… you are so fluffy!

more elk noises

You brought your whole family with you to cheer me up? You are so special. I love you, too.

A bit later, Chanty finally said goodbye to the fluffy friends and returned to the cabin, just as two cars show up - one is Thomas´SUV, and behind it is a smaller blue car.

CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! You look terrible!

I know, but it´s also your genes…

I dont mean it that way, damn! I guess, you could need something positive things, to say it mildly… What kind of car would you like to replace Kermit?

Dad! Kermit is irreplaceable. He was unique. And… I don´t have the money anyway.

You don´t expect me to pay for the new one? Who are you, and what have you done to my daughter?

Dad, I am not in the mood for jokes, really. I know you don´t mean it in a bad way, but I need to be alone now.

I AM BLUE DABADI DABADA

Dad! You are the WORST singer ever. Stop it!

If you want me to stop, catch that! HAH!

Uuuargh, can´t you aim better? Ehm… these are… car keys? Wait! WAIT! Is that for the blue one?

Sure! A 2005 Primus Persua. It is only the base model, but it is in good condition, but I guess you will change that to your taste soon. It´s definitely safer than the old car, and easier to drive, so… Jans next year´s 24h race won´t end in hospital. And I hope you like the color, it´s actually matching your hair. I give up trying to convince you that you should look normal, it´s too late with all these tattoos anyway, sadly.


Dad… I don´t deserve this.

Yep. Well, something I learned at a quite late age is that we don´t need to deserve everything. I am your father. One should never use love and affection as a “reward”. I needed 60 years to break through my family trauma and you should have it better. So, now that I want to keep the emotional part as short as possible, move your arse and drive Klaus-Dieter to their hotel, then pick up Jan. I guess he misses you already. Hah. What a sissy!

Dad! We are over this! I love him and it would be kind of you to respect this.

As you can drive and he can´t… would I buy you a safer car then, if I would like you to get rid of him? Now move it, Klaus-Dieter is waiting for his taxi service, and Jan for his girlfriend.

Will we drive home then tomorrow?

NO! You look as banged up as your Kor… Kel… eh, Karma! Your mother will kill me without hesitation when she sees you in this condition. Have mercy with me. But the Wartburg weirdos will borrow your car tomorrow… strange that your car has no longer a name… but I guess you will find one… to get them to Eberswalde, and that´s where we pick it up again next week.

Kermit! It was Kermit! And I already have a name for the new one… SONIC! THE FASTEST HEDGEHOG! Well, as fast as it can be with a … urgh… 1,4 liter engine. But that color is so … me? I love it.



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