If you’re feeling busy, just remember that Elon Musk stayed up all night writing the Tesla master plan, and a 13.5 hour shift is a relaxing day for him 
HYPEHYPEHYPEHYPE
i’m not sure that’s a good motivational push…
but i think i read something along the lines of
he’s staying up all night now to finish the TESLA MASTER PLAN Pt.II cont.
Yeeeeah let’s just say if you’re feeling impatient, just imagine if you were ever ill enough to need to go to hospital and your life gets put in the hands of doctors and nurses and other hospital staff…
I’d be one of the doctors.
It’s no Tesla Master Plan, but it’s life and death.
1 Like
i honestly have no idea what to make out of your posts you 2
It’s simple. I’m not joking when I state that I am a medical doctor. More specifically a doctor working in adult internal medicine, and A&E. I’m currently sleep deprived, and working in a hospital when sleep deprived, while a normal state of being for a medical doctor, is not ideal. That I’m depriving myself of sleep because I’ve been writing car reviews is more a sign of my poor planning, but I made a commitment and the commitment needs to be honoured. But one thing that does put my nose out of joint is allegations that the time I’m spending is relatively unimportant. I won’t get into a debate about how much my work benefits the greater good, but I can confidently say thousands of people would personally beg to differ.
So just trust me when I say the results are coming before I go to bed. I’ve just now finished the final review so I just need to write the summary and it’s all good.
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hmm… i thought you say you were a nurse in A&E in the past… anyway. i’ll stop it now so you can get your more than deserved sleep sooner.
no need to reply further.
You did remember wrong, but that’s ok, it doesn’t matter whether I’m a nurse or a doctor in that sense… if anything having a sleep deprived nurse look after you is even more recipe for disaster!
Finally, here’s the final lot of reviews and results.
##ABR Roadrunner Street
In an open invite which allowed blasts from the past, there had to be one restomod in the bunch. This one was it.
The ABR Roadrunner Street was a restored, heavily modified interpretation of a race car that competed in the Bavarian Rallye Challenge 1966. Back in the days when racing was mostly unregulated, marshalls were mostly drunk and so too were half the drivers, every race was your life on the line. In a field over over 80 cars, the ABR Roadrunner was one of the few to shine through a gruelling tour of England, taking a win at Silverstone, a second at Thruxton and a third at Brands Hatch to finish just shy of the overall podium at season’s end. Thus it fell tantalisingly short of securing a place in the highest pantheon of racing legends, but it had already proved its worth in being capable of winning on the day, and thus its worth in the annals of auto history for the true enthusiast. It was even more so worthy for Kai, because while the Danes hate the Swedes, they loved the Nordmænd.
“The what?” Strop asked, eternally unsure around diphthongs.
“I gotta show my granddad,” Kai breathed as he paced around the body, taking in its sleek berlinetta curves that ensured it would remain forever a classic. “He’ll never expect this.”
There were telltale signs, of course, that the Roadrunner had not been spared the ravages of time. The body had been heavily reworked, with a new replica bonnet and a rather anachronistic air intake feature. The rear tail lights had been stripped out and replaced with a very modern, avant-garde almost set of LED strips. The badge customised for Kai under the rear bumper was hilarious, if perhaps a bit presumptuous, but also a very personal touch given this was one of three examples ABR were ever planning to build. The internals and mechanics had been updated, but the most jarring change was under the hood.
With the considerable novelty a restomod carried, curiosity had been piqued and it was not just Strop and Kai and Sam examining the car. Hannah and Tesla were there too, and most of the other workers still hanging around were craning and jockeying to get a look in. Then they popped the hood. There was a moment’s pause for everybody to blink twice, then everybody fell about laughing.
The beating heart of the classic British fighter, was a genuine 2JZ-GTE. A Japanese import. Which, as any car person knew, was native to the Supra Turbo, that famous rice car from the Fast and Furious era.
Still, to a degree, the choice made sense. If modifying the car, one might as well go for a versatile swap known for its tuning potential. The main problem was that even if it was a more sensible choice than a block from a larger car, it was still clearly on the large side for this perky little roadster, but details details, there was an aftermarket turbo and the promise of a lot of blow off valve going PEEEEW.
The crowd was obviously keen to see the car in motion, and there was an abundance of smartphones out ready to capture it. Not one to disappoint, Kai revved the engine and dumped the clutch, smoking the rear tyres, then proceeded to drift around the car park, throwing up clouds of smoke. Strop suppressed the niggling sense of horror at treating a classic chassis like so, but hey, everything underneath screamed drifting hoon machine, so it was really being driven like it was meant to be.
On track, it was very easy to feel the racing heritage of the body, and it encouraged one to push that bit harder to find the limits of the car. With the added safety features required to keep the older body roadworthy, the car had put on quite a bit of weight over the years, but it was still sharp and poised, and capable of pulling some serious Gs. But in refraining from ruining the entire aesthetic with copious aerodynamic fixtures, it suffered significant lift at higher speeds, causing the steering to go light and vague. For this reason, it was most at home in the tight and technical sections, and the linked combinations of turns, and, of course, it was a hoot to hang the tail out. This was an impression further reinforced by the complete lack of a stability control system, not that Kai would have ever done anything except turn it off anyway. Curiously, it looked like the car’s brakes had never been upgraded, or at least, their size had not. At 220mm discs front and rear, they were smaller than most budget road cars, and after several minutes, the pedal started going a bit soft, causing the car to plow into corners too deep and wide, and unable to transfer weight to initiate a braking drift properly.
One thing about having new parts in an old car was that having already been built as a mod car, it was easy to continue modding. Having already been presented as a project, the blueprint was open for whatever else one might wish to alter. It was a question of how much respect one had for the original car (well, not really so much anymore given what ABR had already done to it!) and for the vision of the vendors. As it was, the body alone required that Kai seek a special historical license to drive it on the roads, and with that, came limitations on how much he could do so. And the charm of the classic fought to overcome the natural relative shortcomings that came with age. Were the garage less limited than it was now, this was a keeper in a heartbeat. But how would that battle be decided, in the context of having to choose one of his current cars to replace, when the car seemed to be in its element as a Summer brat racer or occasional Sunday cruiser?
##Komodo Phyton Glandict
Kai read the name. He burst out laughing. Strop peered over and read the name too, and also suffered a paroxysm of giggles.
“Mind in the gutter,” Hannah snorted, fighting to suppress a smile herself.
Then Kai decided ok, let’s look at the car, and stopped laughing. He stared at it for several seconds, from its deep bluegreen hue to its modern, LED adorned styling. Very… normal. Not terrible, not outdated, quite appropriate for a 2017 car. He didn’t have any special words of randomness for this one, it was too sensible.
Komodo was an increasingly typical success South East Asian story. They’d probably been around for yonks, but nobody in Australia would have known that until more recently, when the car market started moving away from large family-sized sedans and towards budget compacts. The demographic of choice for a company like Komodo. Granted, industry standards and culture were quite different, but if Znopresk was European budget royalty, then Komodo was a rising star of Japan’s (or, arguably, Indonesia’s), and they wanted in on the pie. Already excelling at making as-good-as for cheaper was a huge advantage in melting away the usual barriers of parochialism in favour for savings at the wallet. That they were cheap to run and maintain were big plusses in an era and area where fuel prices were skyrocketing. It was in being proactive that Komodo were able to leapfrog Proton on the evolution scale, to be more akin to the booming of the likes of Hyundai and Kia. They were even able to prove their worth in the performance stakes with an impressive reviewer’s choice award in a Trans-American road trip shootout. The power to surprise, indeed.
With this, Komodo had seen fit to vastly expand their range, with lines upon lines of trims to cater to every taste to rival BMW. The Python Glandick (ahem) was one such example, a premium version of one of their larger models. With this kind of pedigree, it already had a bit of a homeground advantage on its American and European equivalents, though of course it remained to be seen whether their vision was strong enough for the car to be a coherent offering on the market.
Brand snobs and insecure mid-life crisisers would be quick to point out that for the ‘premium’ tag the Glandict carries, it wasn’t quite as lush as its counterparts from Europe, or even America for that matter. Then again, it wasn’t nearly as expensive, either. The other thing that would have been immediately controversial was the dull note of an inline four. An inline four with a low-boost turbo, or basically an eco-boost, which was making waves in the compact hatch segment, but put the likes of that in an entry model Mustang, and tongues start wagging.
In this case, the block in question was even more remarkable: at 3L with room to bore and stroke up to 3.3L, this was possibly one of the world’s largest ever 4 cylinder blocks to be fitted into a mass produced car. Strop had his own personal biases, having remembered one of the original 2.6L i4s in the Magna of the early nineties from his childhood… but ultimately the multitude of maintenance issues from that car were little to do with the engine and its displacement per cylinder.
There was a reason for everything, and for some sacrifice in smoothness, one had greater ease of engineering, saving weight on the complicated valvetrain, and of course, not having to create an entirely new line of engines. Komodo had clearly exercised some degree of foresight when they lay down the groundwork for the Phyton line. Besides, the engine still had a decent throttle response, as the boost was low and the turbo spooled nice and early, yet progressed nicely through the rev range to produce a very respectable 313bhp. So what could have been a stumbling block ended up being the surprise packet that kept on giving. No wonder Komodo was so fond of their unusual approach.
In this guise, the car was eager and willing, and once again mentally benchmarked against the 135i. This time the interpretation was geared towards user-friendliness, with flappy paddle shifters allowing Kai to simply keep the throttle planted and hear the turbo whine pick up in the backdrop. Cornering was plenty competent, sharper than many of its competitors, aided by the weight savings from its all-aluminium chassis, yet another surprise in Komodo’s bag of tricks. As passenger, Strop found that even pushed hard, the car remained planted and secure. In fact while not the most capable, it was certainly the most assured ride across all conditions. Against its most direct competitor, the Gemini MWR, it was less raw and potent, but more refined and balanced. In fact, it was one of the best balanced ‘budget premium’ packets in the bunch, and certainly an attractive option to grab a sweet slice of market share in a hot market, so long as one could overlook the lack of cylinders (a negligible issue), and the phallic name (which some might consider obligatory). In terms of attractive driving and living prospect for the mid-range buyer, the experience here would sure trouble most of the offerings here. It just remained to be seen if it was the kind of thing that Kai, that irrational, unpredictable fellow, wanted in his garage.
##RPG Eagle GT 2+2
With the initials RPG, the crew were kind of expecting a grenade and an explosion to greet them. The next thing they were expecting was based on the promo material that claimed this car was built with the same philosophy that produced the real grenade of a car, the AC Cobra, it would be a tiny car with loads of power. Neither of these things happened. What they did get however was an aggressive swept back coupe with a giant cowl hood, liberal applications of chrome, and wings. On the side of the car.
“This gotta be good!” Kai commented, raising an eyebrow at the reference to that national symbol of America, the eagle. Another attempt to convert him from his Ameriskepticism, then.
The first weapon in the Eagle’s arsenal was independent suspension on both front and rear wheels. This was widely joked to be a ‘recent’ arrival in America (though that turned out to be a bit of an untrue jab), but its inclusion on the likes of the later generations of the muscle revival was nonetheless extremely welcome. The second was its lightweight 5.5L V8, armed with the ultimate American piece de resistance: modernised pushrods. The engine was good for 406bhp on bog standard pump gas, which seemed like a fair chunk. Unfortunately, in the context of even the mild entries for the day, this turned out to be a power to weight ratio of less than 250bhp per ton, because somehow, despite a lightened AHS steel frame, aluminium panels, and the weight savings of OHV, the car still ended up a porky, un-Cobra-like 1637kg. Maybe it was because it was just big. Maybe it was because it was a 2+2. Either way, it had little in the way of power to weight advantage over its rivals. For a 2017 car, 407bhp seemed to be the stuff of lower tier trims. The main question remained, was there something else the car was trying to convey?
Leaning back into the premium interior, Strop was immediately glad it was just two in the car, because the leg room in the back was a joke, and the leg room in the front wasn’t superb either as a result. It was kind of like the 2+2 situation in the Nissan GT-R. Or any other 2+2 touring version of the JDM Tuner cars. Kai was short, though, so didn’t seem to care, but the car overall certainly seemed ‘big’ for him. The drive however was much less so: after the traditional smoky greeting, the track test was a process of pushing the car progressively harder and harder in an attempt to find the actual limit. The tyres were pretty big, yes, but goodness just how much grip did the car have? The nose pitched in and the car rotated and the tyres just held on and on and on. With a near perfect weight distribution and well-balanced suspension the car rewarded the brave and the skilled, achieving corner speeds thought impossible in tight bends, before burbling away in second at peak torque, right on the edge of the grip threshold. The long, tight sweeping right hander that loosened out on the exit had just that particular effect on Kai, and he found himself cutting the test track short so he could do it again and again. Strop had to resist the temptation to clear his throat, after all, this was Kai making the most of his time with a muscle car, and more importantly, it was his birthday so he could do what he wanted, short of killing them both.
If there was any problem for the handling as a daily driver, it was that there was no safety net. Traction control, yes, but something of that considerable weight lending itself to that degree of confidence on the track was something of a different proposition in unexpected or changing conditions. Quick right to lefts in corners of changing elevation that required first were not such a joy, first for the scraping of the undercarriage, second for the risk of exceeding the vast limits, for there was a precipice past the point of no return in which the car simply let go speared off the track, causing Strop to clench at the seat. In the real world, a literal precipice often awaited in such conditions and the lack of stability control was maybe the car’s way of saying ‘I dare you.’
Once the brakes started fading after several minutes of hard high speed braking, it was definitely time to come in. Strop staggered out of the car and drunkenly shuffled in circles a few times, his body having had the memory of the loosening right hander drilled into him. Well, it certainly left an impression then, and its ability to do that did speak well of its roots, despite the fundamental drawbacks of its traditional format.
##Maesima Prova ST-R Hatchback
As the afternoon wore on, it was time for something unique. Something unique in the form of the most common format of Australian road car: the FWD hatch. It just so happened to be the only FWD car in the bunch.
Strangely enough, Sam was hovering over the car, dangerously close to getting his grubby prints all over the paintjob.
“I thought you only liked hairy-backed muscle and tourers,” Strop couldn’t help but comment.
“I’ll have you know that I am a gentleman of good taste,” Sam sniffed.
The stifled laughter that came from all sides suggested otherwise, but at least, in this case he was not far wrong. Three parts Mazda3 and one part Impreza WRX, the styling cues were obvious but fresh and modern nonetheless. And, funnily enough, it also came with the most impressive promo package, which included a full technical readout and a video presentation that looked like it had been entirely shot through a series of Instagram filters. In terms of the paperwork, the marketing department obviously didn’t know that Kai was the kind of guy who didn’t know which end of a book was the front, but that didn’t stop the video from looking very appealing to the point that it was easy to assume that this was the one car for everybody, ever.
It was with stars in his eyes therefore that Sam clambered into the car with Kai. At least this time if he somehow found a way to turn the stability control off without warning, the car seemed less liable to spit the dummy.
With a turbo kick to rival the old MPS, it was a good thing the car had a Torsen diff, almost industry standard in this trim nowadays. The power figure of 270bhp seemed to fit the bill well enough, so it was with some anticipation that Kai engaged launch control, let rip with the throttle, and dumped the clutch.
VRAAAAAAAAAA- went the car’s turbo 2L four banger, followed shortly thereafter by a -SUTUTUTUTUTUTUTUpssssshhhhhh. Then the car slowed down. Everybody turned to blink at each other. Was there a technical problem?
VRAAAAAAAAAA- went the car again, and this time it changed up a gear, but it barely reached freeway speeds before it coasted off and slowed down again. Then, bizarrely, it turned around and headed back to the pit lane, not even bothering to go around the course. Kai clambered out with a decidedly sour look.
“Trouble?” Tesla asked, picking up the toolbox. That would be strange, the brand was not known for reliability issues. Kai shook his head.
“I’m missing revs.”
“Huh?” Tesla cocked her head.
“There’s too much SUTUTUTUTU and not enough VRAAAAAA.”
While the pit crew continued their longstanding struggle with Kai’s scintillating communication skills, Sam had popped himself into the driver’s seat and gave it a punt. He managed to persist through flogging it up the straight, going through the big banked bookend, then cut through the course as fast as he could, taking the tight off-road through the middle circuit, then taking a shortcut through the rough road simulation before rejoining the outer velodrome and back to pits. When Sam emerged his face was grim.
“It’s missing revs.”
“Oh god not you too,” Tesla growled. Hannah tossed a spanner at Sam’s head and he ducked, laughing.
“No but seriously, the powerband’s all wrong! When I change up I lose heaps of power.”
“Dyno run!” Hannah declared.
The dyno data said it all: the torque came on strong at about 2700rpm, which was perfectly fine. The power climbed rapidly and then suddenly cut off at 6700rpm.
“Mmm. Redline is definitely too low,” Hannah confirmed. Strop, meanwhile, had been thumbing through the manual because he was a numbers guy. “Here, this is why.” He pointed to the section about the ST-R’s powerplant and the parts it shared in common across the trims.
“Cast parts. No wonder, the bottom end would shit itself.” They turned to Kai, who, bizarrely, was having one of those death-bed talks with the car while it was still on the dyno.
“Det her er ikke i orden! Og se ikke sådan på mig, det er ikke mig, der tøffer rundt som en anden morfar i sutsko, istedet for… for… ikke at gøre det!!” He then sat down on the floor with a forlorn look on his face.
Since nobody else there spoke Danish, they all assumed he had gone mad with grief. “And the moral of the story is,” Strop proclaimed, “Don’t use half-baked parts in a sports car!”
“You should consider writing into Maesima about that.” Hannah reminded him.
Kai being temporarily in no shape to continue testing, they turned to Sam for an opinion on the dynamics, and the news there wasn’t superb either. “Too soft,” was his verdict. “It’s great for the rougher roads but the feel goes vague.”
It was clear that Sam too was disappointed. Once again his impeccable taste had failed to deliver him the pleasures he expected.
Note: A low redline in a city car that’ll rarely if ever use the upper rev range is not really an issue. A low redline in a car that is expected to be driven hard is supremely frustrating and overrides all the other numbers in the stats. And yes, the cast parts were instrumental in preventing the engine from reaching its potential. Forged internals are a must for this application and this was one of the only cars not to do that, which is telling. As the car is set up, the performance index is maximised a good 2k rpm higher than the current redline, so you should use that as your guideline. Take a look at the acceleration graph on the drive-train tab, too. As it is, the acceleration between gears drops very sharply and then rises slightly, which indicates that due to the low redline, the drivetrain is starved of power when it changes up. As for the suspension, the main problem is the front dampers are too soft. That extra jiggle in the front wheel on the bump test is robbing your car of drivability, and if optimised, you’d only lose a tiny bit of comfort. In other cases fixing the balance can actually improve comfort.
##Revera R1 Supersport
Kai perked up considerably when he found out the next car for testing was the last hypercar of the day. Revera was a name that meant premium looks, premium performance, and this example was no different, if anything, it was more. And if anything, that also meant the stakes were higher. There was no room for half-baked engineering choices here.
Promisingly, there were certainlly no half baked design choices. There was a lot of channeling Lambo, except for the grille that interrupted the bonnet, and the lights had their idiosyncratic Revera look. The rear hatch, however, was one of those honeycombed lattices one was more likely to see on a design study concept. It was funky.
“How do the windows go back that far,” Kai mused, tracing the line where beyond where a B pillar would have gone, the window just extended all the way back to the integrated side intakes. “It’s like, see, there’s this place in Copenhagen-”
Nobody could report on what he said next, because they had stopped listening. They were all busy prepping the car and when he got like that he never finished his sentences. The first thing of note was that this car was running semi-slicks, which, in this arena, was kind of cheating. But hey, it was already wearing them, the rubber was very high grade, and it was worth looking to see what the car was designed to do.
The vital stats were promising. 1024hp for 1489kg was quite good for such a large car. It eschewed AWD systems but still had an electric LSD. Its big swoopy active wing produced quite the decent amount of downforce. In other words, it was enough to be a handful, but still kept with it the semblance of civility, the kind of hypercar that, despite its ridiculous power, was still possible for mere mortals to drive. Well, mere mortals that wouldn’t completely burn the clutch out changing gears. Kai wasn’t a mere mortal, when it came to driving, so at least he didn’t have that to worry about.
After testing and partying for a good eight hours, while the summer skies were still bright for another two hours, it was almost time for dinner. More to the point, Kai was somehow still fresh (because driving is life), but Strop was starting to feel a bit stiff.
“Hey. Hey. Hey,” Sam poked him in the ribs as he limbered up for another gruelling stint. “Can I ride this one?”
“I thought you didn’t like hypercars because they weren’t pussy magnet enough,” Strop retorted.
“Yeah, but this one’s a rock star car, so it has some magnetism.”
Strop thumbed over his shoulder. “I don’t mind, but you better ask Hannah, after that shit you pulled earlier.”
Hannah was hefting her spanner as she glared at Sam. “I hope you realise your pay’s getting docked for the repairs and you’re going to have to formally apologise to BOSS Motorsports.”
Sam tried the winning grin. “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll be all fine.”
Hannah brandished her spanner. Being of such short stature, her arms only about reached the height of Sam’s crotch, which was conveniently threatening. “Be good. Or your goolies will be going on a date with my spanner.”
Sam broke into a sweat, “Sure thing ma’am, anything you say ma’am.”
Sufficiently subdued, he got into the car with Kai and off they went. Purist wankery or not, there was something nice about a naturally aspirated V12 as it wound its way up the rev range, then sputtered and popped and spat flames out the quad exhaust off the throttle.
“Hoooooooooo-eee!” Sam sucked his cheeks in as Kai banged through the gears, past a sub ten quarter-mile, blowing through the kilometer at over two hundred miles an hour, and hit the banked halfpipe doing a good hundred meters a second. Like pulling a tight loop in a jet fighter, he nearly passed out from the full brunt of six G bearing down on him. The brakes were savage, too, plus the air dam from full chat, the experience was akin to getting hit in the back of the head with a flying bowling ball.
“Ooooof,” Sam grunted as the car pulled hard in the sharp corner before flying off again. He really was starting to get soft, or maybe the car was hitting that hard. It was partly the tyres, but for a long wheelbase and rear heavy car such as this, the front end was really very easy to pivot. Even after the stability and traction control were switched off (with suitable warning this time), Kai had a disturbingly serene look on his face. Paradoxically, this was his comfort zone, handling at levels somewhat akin to the GG cars, and this kind of performance was his bread and butter, day in, day out.
If there was one criticism about the engine, it would be that changing from first to second resulted in a slight delay to maximum acceleration, because it fell out of the powerband, the result of, again, a short redline. Otherwise, the R1 supersport was responsive and pliant but also a lot more sane than many of its ilk. For its four figure output, it therefore made a more versatile hypercar than most, though given the premium sound system, if not for the manual gearbox the GG crew suspected this would be a prime candidate for puttering around Central London revving the engine in some kind of vain mating call that never worked. But because it did have a manual gearbox, it seemed more like a prime candidate for the valet getting it hopelessly wrong in Monte Carlo and smashing it into a Rolls Royce. Kai was the kind of driver the R1 Supersport deserved. Outside of that, it was something to be drooled over by teens in Need For Speed franchise games, and slightly possibly, also laced up with custom shop paintjobs and a Liberty Walk bodykit. But only slightly.
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##Seishido CS 1.8PS
When Sam realised that they were about to go from one of the most powerful cars in show to one of the least, he promptly backed away to avoid performance withdrawals. Strop gladly took the role of passenger and chaperone again. Besides, the eco turbo compact was one of his preferred car classes. And he quite liked the look of the CS, it was cute and quirky, with its high contrast light arrays and a lack of grille between the headlights. But he was not Kai. And was cute sexy?
Judging by Kai’s amused laughter, probably not. In fact it was more probably begging to get JDM stickerbombed.
Nonetheless, Kai still wanted to drive, to the point that when Strop suggested maybe he could try driving for a change, they got into a slapfight over the keys. Finally, Kai won, because it was still his birthday damnit, and that was that.
The long story short was that this was the other car that suffered from cheap internals stifling the rev range. The effect wasn’t quite so pronounced as it was in the Maesima, thankfully, so they gritted their teeth, turned off the driving aids, and thrashed the utter crap out of it. There was something just satisfying and right about some good cheap fun, so while Kai was kicking the clutch somewhat fierce to get shots of smoky drifts while cackling, Strop was Googling what kind of replacement parts existed for the crappy cast pistons and crankshaft (and the result was: a hell of a lot). Somehow, it was slightly more forgivable for Seishido to ship out a sporty car that was, how to put it, incomplete, because they had the reputation for doing so, and doing so on the very cheap. It was kind of de rigeur to buy one and then if one wanted to really drive it, they had to earn it by spending a weekend in the garage with a winch and a toolbox. This was the practice that had spawned a cult following among the endless tides of oppressed salarymen who wanted to cut loose but weren’t quite ready to undergo the full bosozoku treatment. In a way, cars like the CS, the latest in a lineage, were a good first step down the path to expressing oneself, as many customers eventually went on to do so anyway.
And the magic trick to this spec of car was that once the internals were replaced, without any further tuning, its potential was now unlocked and ready to build upon, but as it was, it would still function as a superior daily driver: frugal, reliable and cheap to maintain. The underlying blueprint was all there: lightweight, FR, manual, turbo-equipped, and accessible suspension. The canvas was essentially blank and ready for the painting, whether one wanted it to be an unsuspecting sleeper, an obnoxious . The only problem left was that the car didn’t have the ability to clone itself, or voluntarily switch between its Jekyll and Hyde personalities.
Of every car here today, this was the cheapest by some margin. It was also one of the easiest and most amenable to tuning and upgrading. Nobody could be sure whether Kai would pick this car above the rest, but certainly, it was popular among the others, including Strop. He already had a Centauri Spectre as a daily, but if he had the space and the money, he himself would have been strongly tempted to get himself a CS for a project car. And then, because of his inner-child, JDM stickerbomb it. The trouble there was, he’d probably have to disguise himself in order to drive it anywhere after that.
##GSI Jackal M
Grey-Skies Industries didn’t do sexy, and they made no bones about that. But what they did do, was nearly everything else, and well at that. It was just that the substance over style approach was one that left itself vulnerable to poor first impressions.
Such as the one that Kai had. When presented with the final car of the day, he stopped short. Then he walked around it five times. “Is that it?”
Strop had to agree. The arrangement was very minimal, to the point that it barely had any grille on the lower half of the fascia, which was quite strange. In fact understated was the perfect word to describe it, and left it fairly begging for a bit of a makeover. Front bodykit, side skirts, rear diffuser and a wing. Aftermarket tail lights. CF hood. Lots of sponsor stickers on the rear quarter panel. It wasn’t clear that this would make the car any sexier, no, but that was the temptation all the same.
As it stood, this was a sports sedan, and was therefore immediately subjected to a “Is this a Ford Falcon XR6 Turbo?” And the answer was, no! It had far more in common with the platform of an M3 E90/92. Naturally aspirated V8 good for 400bhp, weighing in at just over 1500kg. 275 sport tyres all around signalled serious intent and purpose. As seemed standard in this range, the interior was all premium, and again, another 2+2 configuration, though with the longer cabin the leg-room was slightly more forgiving.
By this time it was closing on eight and the track was starting to cool. So too was the party, so it was time for a proper hurrah in the form of a bit of Gymkhana on the skidpad to get the tyres, erm, warmed up. The great news was, thanks to the exquisite injection technology that GSI had adopted in their higher range models, throttle response was superior to every competitor in its class, and in general, with the exception of the Revera. And sharp throttle response with solid torque throughout the rev range made for great low-speed drifting. Not satisfied to let Strop sit in the passenger seat, others started clambering in and soon enough the session had turned into an exercise in ghostriding da whip while Hannah decided to turn a blind eye to the stupidity so she wouldn’t have to file any insurance papers. Because YOLOOOOOOO.
Once the tyres were sufficiently, erm, warm, Kai took off and gave it a proper thrashing on the track like it deserved. The sub 5 second sprint to 100 was just the beginning. In a sector where tuning and balance was key to wring out the maximum of the potential, this car nailed it. Strop had expected no less from experience. In fact, it had such spiffing balance that he was secretly worried that this would beat his own Centauri around the track, even if the Centauri had a super trick E-diff. They were perfectly matched in a drag after all.
GSI’s true commitment to perfect balance extended to all parts of the car. The steering was direct to a fault. The brakes were on point and fade free. The aerodynamic system was tuned to provide perfectly neutral lift at all speeds. As a result the car scored best in class cornering by some margin. And once again, that wonderful throttle response made it all the easier to choose between taking a corner clean, or trailing the brake, kicking the clutch and blipping the throttle to throw the rear out a bit. The car rewarded skill and commitment.
For this, while the undertray required to maintain the no-lift system made maintenance trickier, the Jackal did not compromise on the aspects of car ownership other than hooning. Its main problem was that it was desperate for a makeover, and from the slightly smile playing on Kai’s lips, that could mean anything.
By the time the grounds had been cleaned up from a sustained 12 hours of solid partying, the sun had set and it was well past closing time.
“I’m going to bed,” Strop announced to nobody in particular, once the final car was safetly stored in the main warehouse.
“Me too,” Tesla yawned. Boden had already left long ago, to check in on Noodles and the nanny. Hannah was keen to jet. “I’ll let you guys shut up shop okay?” And then she was gone. Aiden was seen scurrying off with an armful of equipment. No doubt the footage would be processed overnight, that kid had some serious insomnia issues.
Kai was, if anything, even more energetic, that wired kind of sugar and adrenalin high that had him bouncing on his heels. Sam, looking like he was in need of either another sugar hit or a stiff drink, ambled by. “Hey, I’m heading to the pub, you wanna come?”
“Nah, I’m just gonna, you know.” Kai kept bouncing but never finished his sentence. Strop felt it vital to provide some guidance.
“Remember, you can choose up to ONE car to REPLACE in your garage. ONE, yeah?”
“Mmhmm.” More bouncing. And a pause.
“And don’t break into the warehouse to play with the cars either.” No response. Strop sighed and rolled his eyes. He wasn’t sure why he bothered to say that, because if anything, that just ensured that Kai would definitely break into the warehouse overnight. He just knew.
In the dead of night, the slats of the high window creaked slightly as Kai forced them apart. With the flexibility of a cat, he wormed his way through and landed on his hands on the metal girder. Nevermind that the window was some three storeys up, when you were Kai Kristensen, you knew how to get on the roof of a warehouse. And you brought rope.
Slinking through the blind spots in the CCTV, he slid down a pylon supporting the main staircase from the upper level offices to the ground floor, where all the cars sat. One car. One car only. For the most part he would have preferred to keep all of them and keep playing with them as he desired, but rules were rules, and he had some considering to do.
The values have changed slightly, so to recap, here’s the table and graph again:
In only a vague order of increasing appeal:
##COMPLETELY OUT OF THE RUNNING FOR COMPLETELY UNFAIR REASONS
Smooth Saabro X- this was the car that 36% of GG staff said in a poll they would put in their 3 car garage as their daily. Unfortunately it’s Swedish. It would not have won anyway but aside from the Swedishness, it is an excellent car.
##FATALLY FLAWED
Cacend MERs- It goes but doesn’t stop or turn, and the engine tuning and part selection is shonky.
Maesima Prova ST-R Hatchback- a shame as it looked very good in the glossy brochure. Since it was marketed as a complete car for a daily, that it was deprived of a whole 2000rpm due to shitty internals was somewhat of a severe oversight. You don’t buy this kind of car to then have to take it to the shop to replace the pistons.
##WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN
JHW Cypher- I’m not sure what you were trying to achieve here, as most of the decisions made kind of contradicted themselves. It’s not that sporty, and not that eco. But you knew that already.
Cadence C-Sport R- Like bringing a lorry to a Sunday Cup meet. How did you manage to make it so heavy??? Remember when I said the only reason I’d let a submission be heavy was because it had a ridiculous engine? Yeah.
##NOT BAD BUT NOT FOR KAI
Kron K3 SL- Too German.
Kramer K4 Coupe SL- The most Ford Falcon XR6 Turbo of the lot. Sam might have gotten more out of it, but it still wasn’t sexy.
Storm Primal GT- also the wrong demographic. Has potential, but would probably do a lot better in the US, as you already know.
Gemini MWR- another good car, the best out of the hot hatch performance wise, and significantly faster too. In terms of the metric it fell in the above-average group. But the design on the front end is too busy. I know Kai doesn’t mind it, but not-minding and actively springing for is different when you can only pick one.
RPG Eagle GT 2+2- it took a while to understand the point of the car. It acquitted itself well, but in a field of cars which included several that had the ‘this is not an American Muscle Car’ advantage, it was to be an uphill battle. Also, seriously, we can’t afford that kind of mileage per performance down here.
##I’M DIGGIN THE INSIDES BUT THE OUTSIDE’S GETTING FLAMES PAINTED ON IT
Seishido CS- great premise, personally very appealing, that it needs better internal parts is part of the brand image so I’ll let being short 800rpm slide. But cute over sexy and it’s getting JDM stickbombed.
GSI Jackal M- one of the best performers on the metric, and the metric doesn’t lie. Well it does but this time it’s true. But as oppositelock says, GSI doesn’t do sexy.
##WANT FOR ODDLY SPECIFIC REASONS
ABR Roadrunner Street- Norwegian. Classic body. Hilariously hoon internals. But any which way I put it, it’s still a summer car or for limited use.
BMMA Salmon 2.3 GT Sprint 2- This is the car that made Kai think maybe he should get a burly chauffer. That was probably on the looks alone.
##I WANT A POSTER AND THE CAR BUT IF I CAN’T KEEP MEPHISTO I’LL JUST KEEP THE POSTER
DSD Muse- so dangerous it injured the driver. He thinks that’s awesome. But let’s just say that cars that require the driving aids to be kept on need to be ballistic. Out of the mad cars, this one didn’t quite have as much pace. Some judicious retuning could yield greater returns.
Solo Lightning SSM V8 Special- Strong contender for Sexiest In Show. Unfortunately it was unclear whether this was supposed to be a civilised hypercar or, from the tuning, an actual race car. Also one that might have benefited from a bit of careful tuning, but like the other hypercars, not something that can be altered easily.
Black Label Brutus- 65L/100km fuel consumption under normal driving conditions LOL. I regret not reminding people that invitations to go all out bonkers would be met with consideration of obvious practical limitations beyond just: only race this on the track. At least with Mephisto you can drive it to the track first (on 98RON) without having to fill up halfway. And on the track it’d last some time. This probably wouldn’t even last a full lap around Nordschleife. Also just to let you know Sam’s getting his pay docked to cover repairs and you should expect to receive a formal written apology from him soon. And Kai would like to drive it again sometime.
Reverse R1 Supersport- funny looks about the manual box aside, this was a competent overpowered hypercar. Maybe the box is a litmus for wannabes 
Slight penalty for the tyres being slicks but going to sports ruined the dynamics, it had obviously been tuned on a knife edge. But it’s not quite a replacement for Mephisto, since it doesn’t manage to exceed it significantly except in drive and comfort, and it can’t replace Toothless because it can’t be tinkered with easily and is a bit pricey to run. It kind of got stuck in the no man’s land, but in a different way to the eventual winner.
##HIGHLY COMMENDED
(4th) Komodo Phyton Glandict- the reputation for value for money and making weird choices work continues to grow. The ‘sexy’ requirement was hard on the non-designer, and really this was a good job, but more in the sense of bringing the styling up to par with modern styling more so than ‘striking’ and stuff. This ranks high because on the flowchart, if failing sexy requirements, the ‘is this a better ride than’ condition was satisfied the most.
(3rd) Shelob by Leeroy- Overengineered, oversized, overpowered, it’s a Chiron! Actually no, it’s something even more than that. Went full Strop on it, and short of even more tech slider abuse this is nearly as much as you can get out of that body. Well done.
#WANT.
(2nd) Pearlite Visceral V12- Winner of Best Overall Performer. Serious sport car territory, supercar power, fantastic economy, reliability, and good for a tinker. Quite attractive too. Quite.
(Winner) Cisalpina Scattante- Strong contender for Sexiest in Show. To paraphrase Der Bayer: as an outlier, this could go either very well, or very badly. Sensible people would expect that this would be very bad, because it is not a sensible car. Well, just in case people didn’t realise already, Kai isn’t a sensible person. If you blood doped Toothless and put a giant tank of wet triple shot NOx in it, you wouldn’t get the Cisalpina, you’d probably get a giant explosion in the engine bay. But that’s not the point. As insightful as the retrospectoscope can be, the Cisalpina is the car that Kai secretly wanted Toothless to be but wasn’t. As Der Bayer said, it was pleasing that the intention of the car engaged so well with the testers. We just got this car. And the first thing we’re going to do with it is to reprogram the ECU, upgrade the turbo, adjust the ride height (to suit Australian conditions), get Noah to upgrade the wiring and replace the speaker heads. Because in this car, you can.
Congratulations to @Der_Bayer for winning this round. You’ve got control of the next round, if you wish to default, it’d go to either @phale or @Sillyworld , and if not them, @HighOctaneLove , and if not, @koolkei.
Thanks for your patience. I definitely overcooked the challenge this time, but hopefuly it was worth it.
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Congratulations to Der Bayer! I think this round really brought out the best work in a lot of us. All thanks to strop of course! 
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What an exhilarating challenge! I’m sure we all had a great time coming up with something for Kai… and in the end Toothless had to go, replaced by a mini-Mephisto - the crimson red Cisalpina Scattante by @Der_Bayer, who blitzed us all from left field! 
Was it tough trying to give Kai the sporty daily driver (or Mephisto replacement) he wanted? Yes. Was it worth it? Definitely.
Here’s a question: Why didn’t the Revera R1 appear in the final standings? It’s a glaring omission considering its immense performance…
At any rate, though, I’m expecting the next round to be simpler, to say the least - regardless of whoever hosts it.
Congratulations to Der_Bayer! A good win, honestly, and with a damn-good-looking car, too.
I have to agree with phale, this round made all of us try harder than ever before, and it shows. There’s not really a bad looking car in the lot.
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WOOO NOT TERRIBLE!!!
@strop i kinda knew i messed up after realizing just how big the car was. a different body and a better gearing choice and i might have done better
grats to @Der_Bayer i hope you have something great in store for round 18
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Wow!
Another big thank you to Strop for supplying us with such an awesome challenge and congratulations to Der_Bayer for his worthy victory! In many ways I am glad I did not win this, I’m just imagining following that round. Just imagine this: You’re participating in X-factorand waiting backstage. Someone is going before you and you don’t know who. Standing there, nervous as fuck, you here someone perform a perfect rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody to a thunderous applause, standing ovations style. Finally the judges say: “Thank you, Freddie Mercury! Next up we have… (insert your name here)”
No thanks, but ready and eager to partake in the next round as well.
I understand this is the general opinion, but it is actually the perfect wintercar. RWD and LSD is perfect for snowdrifting as well, which is way more comfy that regular drifting. Just imagine plodding along between 2000 to 4000 rpm listening to somesweet tunes while going sideways on the snow, so soothing! The best car I’ve ever had for winter was this:
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Yay, not flat out rejected by Kai!
I had to change my plans last minute for a more Corvette approach rather than the Cobra approach, as I couldn’t get my company’s original Eagle up to spec.
…And when I found that not-corvette body, I knew I had to use it!
Oh dear, the Cacend didn’t do too well, but it is supposed to be a cruiser, not a track connesiuer, not without going to the library and looking up how to drive it, the ME30 would have a provided better balance
funny, i was listening to some music while reading that. and bohemian rhapsody was one of em
a couple of things
first, @strop thx for thw super awesome round, like literally, i think this is the most ‘complicated’ and ‘longest’ round so far.
now congrats to @Der_Bayer, imo, that car is essentially a closed cockpit version of an arial atom/KTM Bow/‘somethingiforgotthename’ Seven. but kai is kai, he can’t lie to himself if he likes it. and you managed to tickle his excitement bone.
i finally got defeated by @phale, despite my initial reaction to the car, it proved itself to be better than mine
lastly, i got where i think i would have, up there being one of the best, but not the best.
(again, this is getting slightly frustrating, just either win or lose man, do not be in the middle every time)
but i think, with the top 3 being filled with supercars, doesn’t that make my car the best non-supercar car then???
okay one more thing.
when strop said we’d be better off trying to replace toothless, but end up with a top 3 car filled with semi-supercars, i kinda feel like the initial bias is kinda lost along the way here.
I think, and I’m trying not to misquote out of context, but I think it was mentioned it’d be easier to replace Toothless, and would take a suitable amount of crazy to send Mephisto out to pasture. The ones who made that top 4 did a combination between Toothless and Mephisto.
REALLLY should’ve sent in the RS-TRX… I am kicking myself.
Anyway, Good show all, and GG to Der_Bayer.
well, we both had a similar time
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