OH right, see, the problem is that I have literally sat on a patient, while security strapped him to the table. And dodge a punch, slip past half guard to take the back and put somebody else in a full Nelson. And the demented old guy turned out to be some kind of ex-boxer, so that was a duck and weaveā¦ thereās a reason why Iāve never been hurt by any of my patients, and so many of my colleagues have, and itās not for lack of incidents!
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Pity the oath prevents you from not treating ppl jacked up on fuckin ice.
Hate the game mate, not the player 
Writing the flavour text as well as research for the round continues between perplexing phone calls about bizarre symptomatology and treating brain cancer related complicationsā¦
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Reading the last messages and knowing that strop will be the host, my forecast for CSR38 is >500HP ambulance.
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haha seems legit.
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500+ hp
80+ comfort
100+ utility & practicality
But he said Australia so add in some off-road for good measure and have it run on down under unicorn juice.
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jesus christ running away much with this here I am test running reasonable ute builds.
You know how I ran previous rounds. This will have a similar flavour, which means a bit of variety in approach is allowed. To this end:
- Set your region to Gasmea
- Not everything has a hard limit except, just so you can prepare, the wheelbase, which needs to be <3m because the buyerās driveway is cramped and the street parking even more so (itās inner-city Melbourne, go figure), and weāre not buying a replacement company truck, so no Ford Raptors and Chevy Silverados and Dodge Rams etc.
- Some stats will not be necessary but may open up options that the buyer has hitherto not considered if they are offered, one such stat is indeed offroad.
- There will be a range of years accepted (as long as it has a cat, but consider that emissions taxes will be rated according to 2017)
- Stats will be weighted against costs, so you can go from budget to premium, just remember, in Australia, if your vehicle gets too expensive, youāll get hit with a luxury tax. But no ute in Australia should hit this, that would beā¦ absurd and very un-ute-like.
- Costs for used cars (trims older than 2017) will be calculated with a modified depreciation model (something like N*(0.9^A) where N is the price when new and A is the age of the car, such that a car made in 2017 would be aged 0), but I will waive the usual stamp duty that drops value by 19% the instant the car leaves the showroom, because the class of vehicle used classifies as a commercial work vehicle, which means noice tax breaks.
- However, service costs for used cars will be scaled up for the life of the car (10 years), depending on the age of the car. The vehicle will see heavy use in as many capacities as the vehicle allows, so the average costs will increase per year at a small exponential rate. This is to say if your car was made in year Y, the service costs for the first year (both engine plus trim) will be S1.xx^(2017-Y), where 1.xx is a coefficient I havenāt yet quite worked out (but will by tomorrow). This means the total service costs for 10 years will actually come to S1.xx^(2017-Y) + S1.xx^(2018-Y) + ā¦ + S1.xx^(2026-Y).
- The insurance and tax will remain unchanged and simply multiply by 10.
- The fuel costs are going to change and will apply for 2017. Australian fuel costs rise significantly with the quality. For our purposes we have 91, 95, 98. 91 will cost 1.70, 95 will cost 1.90, and 98 2.10, so your costs will drop slightly if you use 91, rise slightly if you use 95, and rise significantly if you use 98. Choose wisely.
Once you see the actual brief, you will see why a) I allow older vehicles b) older vehicles may be cheaper to buy but also vastly more expensive to run. Itās kind of the reason why the original vehicle is getting replaced, after allā¦ 
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Well, if itās going to be utes, Iāve got a good one in the pipeworksā¦
Me trying to figure out the calculations be like:
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Whatās used for Age in the Formula? Body, Model or Trim? Hopefully itās not Body, Hereās something I just came up with using a 1975 Body:
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Iām currently debating whether to restrict bodies and styles, but at this stage itās based on trim year.
Come on man those are basic geometric, quadratic and trigonometric identities not even close to leaving high school.
Edit: oops I totally forgot I just posted sorry for double post!!!
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You cant start yet?
Maybe he can but doesnāt want to! 
Sorry everybody, Iām just tinkering with the math a bit more. The balance is still off and I donāt want people submitting something thatāll end up costing an entirely inappropriate amount of money
But itāll definitely be up before I go to bed.
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Lmfao. A real aussie challenge. Incidently the luxury car tax starts under 100k so landcruisers, the old fpv utes and hsv and the like are effected by this. Keep in mind to that a ford f series ute or chev silverado is over $150000 aud after importing and putting the steering wheel on the right side. So please please can you somehow replicate how expensive american cars are here in Australia.I will be entering. On my way to France as we speak flying out tomorrow and my first alfa will be purchasedā¦less than half the price than down under
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@Darkshine5 What I can say is that Iāve put in a lot of effort to replicate the foibles of the Australian market. I wonāt penalise imports just because they arenāt Australian based because thatād really skew the game, but letās just say that no matter the age of your car, everything will be Australia 2017 expensive (as in, mad stupid). Note also that this round will be played in the form of Classified Ads (GumTree, like Craigslist etc.), as you will have the option of selling a car new, demo model, or used.
Ok with that said, sorry about the wait. And apologies for all the double posting. Itās time for:
#CSR38: About The Era of an Aussie Icon
https://www.streetmachine.com.au/media/1713158/_5CT5617.jpg
Homage to the Sandman legacy: Ute, Beach, Waterā¦ the only way to make it more iconic is to have a girl in a bikini or a bloke with a surfboard or a combination of any or all of the above, except maybe a bloke in a bikini
The Land Down Under is unique in its variety, but also in the defiant insistence on celebrating its laidback take on life. Yet at the same time the backbone of the Aussie is getting things done when they need doing. Thus it was, back in 1932, that Ford designer Lew Bandt took on the brief given to him by an unnamed Victorian farmer, to create a vehicle that could combine work (the farm), and recreation (going to Church). The result:
Weāre now a far cry from both those values being the norm, and throughout history, Australiaās culture has morphed from bush to beach to city, and with it, so too has the rise and fall of the Ute. Sadly, like many products from a stubborn local manufacturer sector, these trusty vehicles have been largely replaced by larger trucks and overseas competitors, reflecting the demise of our own local branches of Ford and Holden. Many utes have thus been consigned to the ignominious fate of being thrashed silly or shunted into a telegraph pole by many a bogan who consumed one too many Jim Beams. Because, you know, those unladen trays on the back are really light and itās a rare ute that wasnāt driven by the rear wheelsā¦
I mean, utes are really fucking popular on the Summernats Burnout Competition circuit for a reason.
But anyway, our client isnāt like that. Actually, this is where I apologise for the third time. I havenāt finished the dossier on our client. But let me assure you, sheās looking only for well-maintained, roadworthy utes in good condition, because sheās going to be working it hard and doing as much as it can do, and possibly more. Youāll find out the exact details tomorrow.
First, youāre going to need to know how to make a legit ute that you can buy and run in Australia (with some liberties of interpretation taken).
- A ute with a wheelbase of over 3m is not a ute, itās a fucking truck. Utes are family sedan sized. So [color=yellow]keep the wheelbase strictly <3m.[/color]
- [color=yellow]It must have a cab and tray[/color]. The cab is almost invariably a coupe, i.e. 2 doors and 2-3 seats. We donāt need any more than this, though if you really want to compromise and go with a 4 door cab and a smaller tray be my guest. It just wonāt be considered as strongly.
- There is a side point that [color=cyan]you may optionally wish to go for the classic Sandman Wagon type entry[/color]. This is a wildcard approach and will only work under exceptional circumstances, but Sandman Wagons were hotter than a frill-necked lizard in Alice Springs at noon in January, so who knows.
- Regular use cars [color=yellow]must have a cat and emissions ratings of <500[/color], which means running on unleaded. If they donāt, they need a special use or Historical permit and those limit how much and when and where you drive and itās a pain in the ass unless you drive a real classic. Weāre not interested in buying one of those.
- The emissions regs arenāt particularly strong here but we suspect theyāll come into action soon, so assume Gasmean style taxation structure.
- Petrol stations here will always stock 91RON. They will almost always stock 95. Many of them stock 98. But petrol down under is also pricey. For 91, itās $1.70/L, 95, $1.90/L and 98, $2.10/L (itās actually not this bad but to make the dynamic realistic to Automation I had to make it like this). Also our client, like many Australians who divide time between the city, the country, and work, drive more than average, so calculate your costs based on a yearly travel of 18000km and disregard any bonuses for fuel availability. In short, [color=yellow]fuel cost comes to 180 * fuel price * L/100km per year.[/color]
- There is a luxury car tax. In AUD it applies to cars over 60 something thousand dollars, but thatās in AUD. Most utes made in real life would at best approach but never reach this figure (thereād be no point, especially since people who shell out for that much car would probably also buy bigger dick compensation, like a Ford Raptor or some shit). But letās just say you want to keep this in mind, for when I tell you how the purchase price of the vehicle is calculated. [color=yellow]As a golden rule, keep your zero markup base price below 20k or itāll be suddenly unaffordable.[/color]
- [color=yellow]Safety must be at a minimum 35.[/color] All cars sold that were built since 2010 require this, but our client will not be interested in older vehicles that fall short either.
##Warning: TL;DR section begins
- As I said earlier, the purchase price of a vehicle will depend on a few things: its engineering time (longer it takes the more money it needs to recoup), its production units (gotta pay the workers somehow), its age (depreciation), and its prestige, relative to its age. The latter applies because utes are frankly a dying breed and are increasingly sought after at all ages, especially if theyāre good examples and the right trim. Pay attention, this will be very important:
A vehicle with trim 2017 will have an age of 0. This means depreciation is 0. Iāve waived the stupid stamp duty because this class of vehicle is tax-deductible if you write it up just so on your returns. Without the prestige modifier, assume that the vehicle depreciates by 7% of its previous value each year for the first 5 years, and then 1% per year for each year after that (yes, I am nesting IF() functions into my Excel spreadsheet like a motherfucker).
However thereās a prestige modifier that will alter this. It depends on a reverse linear relationship between the vehicleās prestige, and the age of the vehicle. Basically, the older the vehicle, the lower the overall prestige required for it to gain desirability and therefore offset the depreciation. In 2017, this value is 45. In 1987, itās 25, and so on and so forth. The formula to calculate the purchasing price of the vehicle therefore is:
=(2base price((1+(engine + trim engineering time)/400))+(engine + trim prod units)* 20)*Depreciation Modifier
Where the Depreciation Modifier is:
For Cars with Trim 2013 or later, =(0.93+(prestige-45+(age of trim)/1.5)/100)^(age of trim)
For Cars with Trim 2012 or earlier, =(0.93+(prestige-45+(age of trim)/1.5)/100)^5-0.01*(age of trim)
In this way Iāve largely been able to replicate the AUD price of Australian built utes, across a range of times, as well as make the more classic trims more valuable, but also let the shitboxes become really cheap. A new top of the line 500+bhp with premium trim Holden/Ford ute (bought mainly be tradies with way too much money who canāt think of anything theyād rather get) sets one back around 55K here. A 10 year old low to mid end ute here would set you back about 13-15k. But a classic from the 80s will cost you around 30 grand.
- However, thatās not the real issue here. The real issue is the cost to maintain the damn thing for ten years. As I said, registration, fuel etc. are quite expensive in Australia. It costs me 800 bucks to register my Honda Civic each year (in Victoria, where this challenge is set), and nearly 1200 bucks to insure it. So the formula to determine total service costs is:
=(Emissions Tax + Insurance + Fuel Cost)* 30+((Trim and Engine Service Costs)* ((1-1.05^(Trim Age + 11)/(-0.05)/10)* 70/Reliability))
A few notes here: I added the bills and multiplied them by 3 to get the approximate scale of cost here. The next bit is the service costs, using the formula for a simple geometric exponential series, which is then proportional to reliability. In short you should be aiming for an average reliability of at least 70. Older cars canāt do this, so theyāre going to get slugged in service costs, as is the case in real life when you work your car hard, all the time.
##End TL;DR
Thatās probably a bit too complicated for some of you. Iāll summarise it into a single statement, and some actual value guidelines:
As I said thereās a very good reason Iām setting the challenge up against old cars. The clientās going to be strongly discouraged from buying old cars despite the fact she would quite like to, because itās currently an old ute thatās sending her broke.
The world of the Ute is highly varied. It ranges from the stock horse that just has to keep going, to the preening show pony with gloss and mad cunt bodykits.
Like, from these
like, couldnāt do this post without summin from the fucken Denny Ute Muster, could I now?
to this
fuckin beaut innit?
Our clientās got a little bit of everything in her, so sheās looking for something that can haul stuff first of all. But it may also be good to be able to get to the beach, go camping, look pretty, go like a cut snake, but of course, only if itās actually worth it. I mean, over 10 years weāre talking like an investment of anywhere from 130-200 grand and potentially a lot of elbow grease. Itās not a decision to take lightly.
To make it easier, here are the values to keep in mind:
- Any trim year up to 2017 but I warn that this is not really one of those times when acceptable in the 80s is really acceptable at this time. The servicing costs will be horrendous. Youāre welcome to try butā¦ our clientās trying to sell a ute from the 80s because itās killing her wallet, yeah?
- Strictly wheelbase <3m
- Seats 2-3, 4-5 or more is strictly optional and not considered a big advantage
- Strictly safety >35
- Aim overall reliability of at least 70
- Base price with 0 markup ideally not higher than 20k
- Strictly emissions <500 but really try to get them <175
- Try not to go too high above 12L/100km if even that, fuel is a massive part of the budget. Less is good.
- Power outputs for a modern ute can range from 240bhp to somewhere around 600.
- Even if you want to build a 600bhp ute that runs faster than an emu with its tail on fire, the narks give you the stink-eye if they see semi-slicks, so, please, none of that yeah?
- Practicality and Utility should ideally be at least 40
Every other stat will be considered but in context of the entire ute, and also subjectively. Also try not to make it buttfuck ugly, please? Cheers.
###This should get you started. A client dossier will arrive tomorrow, after which I will set the deadline.
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