The Kinda Grand Tour [FINALE]

FrankNSTein · 5 May 2017 15:45

team 1'); drop table participants; --

(@koolkei and @FrankNSTein)

Frank, age 20, Austrian
computer nerd, network security student
has theoretical knowledge about how cars work but barely anything practical
somewhat sceptical in modern technology
generally good driver, sometimes a bit overconfident
knows how to use google maps
can get along with almost any style of music, but prefers no music while driving

Hwang Da Wei, age 22, Singaporean
also a computer nerd, spends his days of work around rack and racks of server computers
likes to work with both 2 wheeled and 4 wheeled vehicles. not an impressive mechanic, but is super witty when it comes to fixing stuff. although sometimes doing it too brazen and ended up making things worse.
is quite a meticolous guy planning and the over-preparing type.
LOVES punk, rock and basically loud music. and seems to always listening to something whatever he’s doing.

we both met up at a gadget and tech expo a few years back. when we were looking at the same newfangled FANCEH STUFF and found ourselves to connect instantly at everything, well except about our music taste.

Da Wei : hey Frank. i found this cheap rally event you MAY want to check out
Frank : sounds interesting, what is it about?
Da Wei : you deft? i said it’s a rally event. Basically, we get a cheap shitbox. Get it fixed, or at least running enough and “race” them through a set route against other teams.
Frank : Oh, so it’s similar to that ‘Roulette Runner’ thing I’ve heard of a few months ago?
Da Wei : yeah. They’re doing a different theme, but the route, or at least the start point is much closer to us this time. Think you may wanna join??
Frank : Well, you got me. Let’s look for a suitable car then. Got anything in mind?
Da Wei : nope. It’s got a suggested a budget limit of $500 though. Although for the car only. Not for repairs and the spare parts we might have to carry, and the food for us both so i’ll make the budgeting and you go on the net. Sounds like a plan?
Frank : Sounds like a plan. I’d try to find some 80s or 90s sedan in good condition. Opens his laptop.

(20 minutes later)

Frank : I’ve found a few cars now. First is an ‘87 Frankenstein Traveler for $400. It’s got the more powerful 1.6L engine doing 95 horsepower, but it’s quite small for fitting all our luggage.
Second, a 1982 Roviro Clarion. Even more basic of a car, some more luggage space, but 66hp will barely be enough for highway driving I think.

Da Wei : okay stop right there. 1980s. 66hp. No even with 95hp. all the stuff we need to haul.
Plus the power loss from age. I don’t think either one of those could drive on the highway with “confidence”. Also i finished the rough draft of our budgeting here. ]
If we both pitch in $500 each, we should be able to afford up to the full $500 car price limit. Even after the fixing shit that has to be done. Anyway, find something with a bit more grunt.

Frank : Well, there’s this other one I stumbled upon. A guy wants $650 for his Scela Moto that sat for a few years. 213hp Inline-6. And it even comes from your home country.

Da Wei : why then. Send him a lowball-ish offer. Like $370. Give him excuses why he should drop the price down. Just softly “pressure” him. You can do that, right?

Frank : I’ll try at least. Would be a cool car to show up at the event. And I love the sound of high-revving inline-6s.

(Two phone calls later)

Frank : Got him down to an offer of exactly $500. We’ll show up there tomorrow to inspect the car. I also got my mate Daniel, who’s a mechanic, informed about this. He might do some overtime hours this weekend for us.

Da Wei : let’s just hope you picked right and we can actually drive that thing to the shop, and not pay extra for towing. That’d be an ugly start for us. Right, i’m registering us into the competition first

The Car

That Scela Moto is - quite literally - a barn find. It wasn’t on the road for several years, thankfully the previous owner left it in an old barn where it wasn’t exposed to the elements. Rust isn’t a big problem due to the good rust protection that Scela were using back in the 80s. It seems to have once had an accident, some damage has been fixed. The overall condition of the car is quite good, considering the price we got it for.

Once we had the brakes restored to usable condition, vacuumed the interior, replaced the dead alternator and got the fluids swapped out it actually ran pretty well. It also got new tires, as the previous ones were 9 years old and not in too good of a condition.

Known Problems :
I think it got into some incident where the left of the car was damaged pretty noticeably so. Rear left Suspension arm is slightly bent, was hammered as straight as much as hammer could make it straight.
Brakes made awful noise and weren’t too effective. Fixed by taking them apart and properly cleaning them.
The alternator was dead. We had to replace that one.
AC only has 3 modes. Off, on(cold), on (hot). The controls are broken. Either freezing, or sweating. Pick one.
Temp gauge is broken. I hope the cooling system still works well
Rear left taillight likes to blinker or go dead randomly
Lower front left frame seems to have been repaired at one point.
Glove box lock is stuck. Glove box now stuck closed with duct tape
Spare tire is flat a 30yo+ spare tire. What did you expect? At least it’s not the space saver type
Left door is very tricky to open, sometimes won’t open at all
Rattling. RATTLING EVERYWHERE!!!

TheBobWiley · 5 May 2017 16:06

I am personally offended that your teammates were not named Frank and Stein…

strop · 5 May 2017 18:56

I saw what you did there, little Bobby Tables.

AND DON’T FORGET TO SANITIZE YOUR SPREADSHEETS EVER AGAIN

rileybanks · 6 May 2017 09:14

For a car from 1965, and an engine from 2005, what are we allowed slider-wise?

VicVictory · 7 May 2017 03:04

Your engine must conform to 2005 sliders (no more than what is allowed there), and overall your car+engine combo must conform to the older year.

ramthecowy · 7 May 2017 06:39

Our car is coming soon!

abg7 · 7 May 2017 18:22

Team BAGS

The team:

Brian King - An experienced mechanic in his late 40s from Los Angeles, CA. Was enlisted to help the team sort out any mechanical issues their car might have.
Gary Watts - The primary driver for this team is a motoring journalist in his mid 30s and hails from New York, NY. He loves the idea of a V8 manual RWD wagon such as the one he entered into this challenge.
Stephanie Garcia: She is in her early 20s and serves as the team’s navigator. Born and raised in Miami, FL, she considers the KGT to be a challenge worthy of her skills.
Amy Girardi: A fabricator in her late 30s from Austin, TX who relishes the lure of long-distance drives such as the KGT. She prefers to seek out older, well-maintained cars for the sake of reliability, but will sometimes drive newer cars if it gives her team an advantage - as long as repairing it is worthwhile.

##The Car: 1982 AMP Oswego 5.7 Wagon

This silver station wagon was bought in Denver, CO for exactly $500. Why was it so cheap? Simple - although it had been well-maintained for the past 35 years, it has covered a whopping 200,000 miles during that time. There are exactly three issues with it, though. The passenger side rear window is stuck in the raised position, and the 8-track player is inoperable (although the radio is in good working order). Finally, the five-speed manual gearbox is starting to feel slightly vague, and the team could not pin down the cause before departing.

And so Team BAGS - in which the letters stood for the team members’ first names - was ready to go on what could turn out to be the trip of a lifetime… or an utter nightmare. For now, at least, they could enjoy the benefits of cruising down their favorite roads in what was, and still is, considered a Q-car - unassuming on the outside but packing a punch under the hood.

TheBobWiley · 7 May 2017 20:30

200,000 over 35 years is babying it. My 2004 Volvo S60 had 200,000 on it when I sold it a little over a year ago. (I learned a few months later that the kid who bought it totaled it… I cried)

But I like the RWD station wagon non-the-less!

ramthecowy · 7 May 2017 21:55

@Nomade0013 I hope you don’t mind me going ahead to post without telling you but we have to!

Nomade
My grandma’s '93 Odyssey was stolen some time ago and the police finally found it these days, the interior was completely stripped, the wheels and the trunk door were missing and some windows were broken, but for some strange reason the engine was untouched still mounted.

For her luck she had some money stored and already bought a newer version of the Odyssey, she really likes this model, so she gave me the car to make whatever I wanted.

Ram
I was up late at night browsing Facebook. A little 1 in a red circle popped up on the notification panel icon. Hm. Someone had posted to the Gamma owners Facebook group. Now, I didn’t and never had owned a Gamma but I always found these groups and forums to be goldmines because there was so much firsthand expertise and know-how here. So what was this post?

–

The next day
'Alright man, I’ll be on my way. Take care." I said, putting down the phone. Turning around, I called out “Hey, Nomade. I’m going to be gone for an hour and I’ll be back with my friend’s pickup. We’ve places to go.” He mumbled assent which I assumed was just him eating.

Now back at the door I honked. Nomade stuck his head out the door. “Get my phone, please!” I shouted. He disappeared to bring out a bag of tools and a battery as well as our phones a few minutes later. We set off as he closed the door. Turning to me he asked, “where to?” I pointed at the address displayed on my phone screen. “That’s, uh, a shady district, you know?” Nomade replied hesitantly. “Yep. I’m pretty sure the guy we’re meeting is legit though. Let’s find out. We’ll be safe even if a zombie apocalypse starts in this pickup anyway” I joked.

–

“Aight I just want you to know that this real, I ain’t playin,” he said bending down to grab the handle of the roller shutter to what was presumably his garage. “Car first, everything later.” The door creaked and screeched at the metal on metal. Once it was up he strode in. “Here she is. My baby. 1996 Gamma Surge. I was a fool and dint know how to care for her. Wild in love with Gamma I got this thinking I could live with it but the engine gave after 6 years with me. I couldn’t let her go, so my bud who works in a garage said he’d swap in a different engine if I could manage 2000. I didn’t have the money back then anymore so I thought I’d let her sit but I really don’t have the money anymore. I’m desperate. With the Facebook group I knew the car would find a good home, so I’m feelin blessed you guys turned up. This is my deal. $500.”

We looked around the car a little more then went on his house and spoke for longer. There would be no other way to find a great shell like this at this price anywhere else. This was it. I gave him the $500 for the car and an extra 500 out of genuine concern, he looked really banged up. As we loaded up the car on the trailer, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “He thought the car would get a good home, eh? Hopefully he doesn’t see what we’re about to do to this!” I laughed. Nomade grinned. “Lots of work to do though.”

To be continued tomorrow.

VicVictory · 8 May 2017 03:52

There are a couple of people who have posted intros but not sent in their files, like @ramthecowy and @FrankNSTein. 23 hours left to get them in!

Nomade0013 · 8 May 2017 03:53

I and Ram are figuring out the Aggressiveness Factor and Cargo Loading Factor, so we should send ours in some hours.

VicVictory · 8 May 2017 04:33

Also, those of you who want to partake in your Day 0 (or early morning Day 1) RP, go ahead and do it now. Day 0 is considered to be a Thursday, and Day 1 is Friday, with the driver’s meeting at 11 am and the cars being lined up and let loose at noon… all in a group.

Note: Every place in this event is a REAL-WORLD location. It will start at Birch Bay State Park near Bellingham, WA USA, and end at Coronado Beach in San Diego, CA USA. The route is the coastal one, predominantly along US Highway 101. There are a handful of required waypoints, which I will try to announce before anyone gets to them. This is set in late May, so the sun rises around 5:30am and sets at about 9:00pm.

Team Greasy Lightning, Day 0, 10:20pm

Rick smiled and drained the last of his beer. The Ardent Chancellor sparkled in the light of the fire; it seemed more brilliant now than ever before. Its cosmetic flaws hidden by the shadows of the night.

“I’ve got a good feeling about this,” he grinned.

Jen nodded, a wry smirk on her face. “As long as Fuzz didn’t screw anything up putting the engine in.”

“We’re good,” the young cop cut in. “There’s no way anything could go… oh, shit!” He quickly yanked his skewer out of the fire, the marshmallow impaled at the end completely aflame. Fuzz blew it out quickly, but not before it developed a scorched outer husk. He shook his head and slapped it on the chocolate and graham cracker bed. With a swift move, he shoved the entire s’more in his mouth. “Jack and Terry know their stuff,” he muttered, sending graham cracker crumbs flying.

“I’m not worried about it,” Rick soothed. “The Kaminari’s engine was in really good shape to begin with, and the guys went over it with a fine-toothed comb before they put it in. And this car’s not quite the rust bucket that the last one was.”

Jen leaned her head on her husband’s shoulder and gazed into the fire. “I can’t believe Uncle Steve let this one go to us. I don’t think we could have picked a better car ourselves. We’ll make it alright.”

“Just remember, you promised not to break this one!”

Jen shot a dagger’s glare at her brother. “Shut it.”

Fuzz laughed and cracked open a beer. “Did you see the field this time? A bit different than last time.”

“A bit,” Rick agreed. “It’s nice to see the Team South End guys again, and Team Mountain Pass. You notice those guys in the Enforcer are back too? That thing’s tough as nails. It survived the Roulette Runner and is back in this one.”

“And those wagons, dude. Did you see them? That Oswego was killer!”

Jen rolled her eyes. “How can you miss them? They’re only a mile long.”

Rick chuckled. Jen and Fuzz had grown up in a station wagon, and yet their views on the matter could not be any more different. When their team had gone to Steve’s home to look at the cars taken from the estate, Rick could actually smell the hatred his wife had for wagon as they passed a old Ardent Sentinel. It was vaguely reminiscent of ozone and maple bars.

Just gotta make sure she doesn’t play demo derby with any of them come tomorrow, Rick mused.

The night passed with many beers consumed under the stars, the sound of waves lapping at the bay shore not far away.

Fayeding_Spray · 8 May 2017 05:01

##Apex Predators; Day 0
Original Post

Arriving early on day 0, The Apex Predators (It was Blisk’s idea) decided to set up on the very far side of the camp area.

Viper: The Tasman isn’t as bad as I expected it to be. Was very capable of holding speed, but who knows who will show up.
Slone: You talk too much, Vipe.
Blisk: Oi, you two shut up. Help me and Ash set-up the tent and fire pit.
S: Sorry, Sourpuss. Why’d we need to set up the tent, the Tasman’s a Wagon, and it’ll be warm.
Ash: Because the human body needs proper warmth. If I read the entry list properly, we should be graced by the presence of a well-known android…
V: Ash, do you really want to talk with him?
A: Yes, I’ve missed my chances in the past. Wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity.

Blisk, Viper, and Slone drunk through the night, while Ash went and met with each team as they arrived, semi-hiding her frame.

yurimacs · 8 May 2017 05:28

##Team Artiseros : Day 0
Car Status: Normal

_Arriving at the said venue of the challenge,the team has been in a good mood thinking that they can finish this challenge._

Ernie: This seems to be the place.

Aldren: What made you join this tour?

Ernie: Oh nothing,just out of boredom.Besides,we bought enough supply to sustain ourselves in the journey
(opens supply box)
Ernie: We got meat,chips,and beer,though Ateri doesnt want beer.

Ateri: Dont worry,I bought couple of Japanese rice wine.

Aldren: So we are all set,but where do we sleep?

Ernie:There are a couple of checkpoints where we can rest but mostly 2 will sleep and 1 will guard.

(Ateri drinking sake in the background)

Aldren: Wait,you didnt bring any tents?

Ernie: Don’t worry,the car is just spacious enough.Besides,the only little niggle is the fact that the car is slow.

Aldren: Like you say that isn’t a bad thing.Anyways,let’s just hope we dont break down somehow.

And so,the trio happily awaits the day the tour will start and will mark the beginning of a friendship.

Day 1 chapter coming soon

Madrias · 8 May 2017 05:41

Team Twin-Snail

Team Information

Chicago, Illinois, Day -2

As the four members of Team Twin-Snail rushed around, packing the last things into the Minerva Midnight’s rather spacious trunk, it became rather obvious that this time, they were starting out a lot smoother than they had for the Roulette Runner. However, they had a different issue, and that was the very long drive to get to their starting gate, and thereby, they’d have to rush it in a damned-right-hurry.

“Luke, you’re sure she’ll survive 2,100 extra miles doing this?” Linda asked.

“It should. Amy’s been through the entire DOHC block, and it’s been running like clockwork since then.” Luke replied.

“So… We’re gonna cannonball 32 hours, plus a little extra, just to get there?” Scott questioned.

“Consider it a shakedown run for our lucky find. If it’s going to do anything, it’ll throw a fit on the way there and we’ll know what the problem is.” Amy replied, before they got in the car.

With everything checked off the list, they started up their mostly-trouble-free Minerva Midnight and headed out, with Luke driving.

Somewhere in North Dakota, Day -1

A quick hotel stop for the night followed by more driving to make it.

Luke grew impatient with highway traffic, deciding to belt the poor old car and slammed the gas pedal to the floor. However, instead of the usual aggression it’d shown on the first day, the Midnight bucked and shuddered, flashed an angry amber light once, then twice, then finally ignited the “Maintenance Required - Engine” lamp before charging off down the highway.

“The fuck was that, Luke!?” Linda yelled.

“Felt like she couldn’t get air.” Luke replied.

“Parts store, now.” Amy demanded. “We’ll pick up two Minerva throttle body gaskets and some throttle body cleaner.”

“I’ll pay for a box of bloody gaskets.” Luke grumbled out. “Long as we get this fixed when we can.”

They roared along the highway, despite the glowing amber warning light.

“Luke, don’t you have an OBD-II connector?” Scott asked after some time.

“I do, but it’s packed in my bag, in the trunk, probably underneath all of my spare clothes and my maintenance gear. We’ll put up with it for now. Besides, I’ve driven a Storm Surge nearly 8,000 miles with the DynamIQ Warning light on the dash glowing. Long as we know what’s going on, we’ll be fine. And this feels like a lack of throttle response due to either a sticking throttle body or a fouled up Mass Air Flow sensor. Hoping it’s one of those, personally. If it’s an air leak, we’re likely going to have issues.” Luke said.

Birch Bay State Park, Washington, 1:30 PM. Day 0.

The dark purple Minerva Midnight settled smoothly into the camping area, engine purring quietly as Luke looked for a good parking spot.

“How about next to that big red wagon?” Linda asked after they’d spent the better part of 10 minutes cruising around the parking lot at idle.

“Could work. Everyone else seems to have given it a lot more space than it needs.” Luke replied, before swinging the car around and aiming for a parking space, leaving a respectful empty spot between the two of them so that they weren’t at risk of banging doors.

The instant the engine was shut down, Linda, Scott, and Amy set about building the camp, while Luke watched the team he’d parked next to. After a few minutes, Luke opened the driver’s door, stepping out of the car.

Of the four of them, Luke was the one who stood out the most, and made no effort to blend in. His Twilight-Blue paint reflected the sunlight as well as his silver accents, and had decided that combat boots and camouflage pants were the right thing to wear while going without any shirt.

“Luke, where’d you put the matches?” Amy asked.

“I didn’t bring any.” he said, before walking over to Amy, Scott, and Linda, who had filled a firepit with sticks and twigs, only to find they didn’t have anything to light it with.

“Well, there goes our plan to cook some S’mores.” Linda said.

“Scott, give me that filthy shop rag you’ve got in your pocket.” Luke said.

“I spilled oil, I cleaned it up.” Scott said. “Thought you’d appreciate that.”

“I do. But I can’t make fire without something with a low flash point.” Luke said, accepting the oily rag. He touched the red-hot tip of a soldering iron to it, igniting the oil-soaked rag, then carefully placed the burning mess in the fire pit.

“Give that a few minutes to burn off, then make your campfire snacks.” Luke then said, retracting the soldering tip and moving to look around their car.

(And I’m open for RP. And yes, I figured that was the best available opportunity for our major malfunction to happen, that we’d have our check engine and intermittent hesitation during the 32 hour, 2,146 mile drive to get here. Plus, it gives us the excuse that if the car fails during the drive, it’s because it already drove quite the distance already.)

abg7 · 8 May 2017 07:10

Team BAGS, Day 0

Brian checked the car thoroughly on the day before they were scheduled to depart and packed his team’s allocation of supplies - split almost evenly between food and spare parts. The Oswego looked almost as good as new on the outside, but there were a few issues with it.

“For the most part our car is fine, except for the slightly vague gear changes. In fact, the stuck window and broken 8-Track player might be more of a concern to us. At any rate, it’s about time we embarked on an adventure like this!”, he told his team.

Gary asked, “Why wouldn’t we?”

To which Amy responded, “Well, there’s always the risk of a terminal failure, especially given the sheer mileage our Oswego has covered in 35 years…”

Stephanie continued:. “…However, apart from those issues you’ve just mentioned, it’s mechanically sound.”

Brian added, “So, how aggressive will our strategy be to start with?”

Immediately Gary gave him an answer. “Not too fast or slow - I’d suggest somewhere in the middle.”

“Well, that’s sorted then. Now let’s go as far as we can in this brick - and all the way if possible!” Amy replied. And so Team BAGS waited for the start, confident that their car would go the distance - or at least reach the halfway mark.

TheBobWiley · 8 May 2017 10:05

Previous Post || Next Post

(Sorry if my story clashes with what was already written, hard to have story elements perfectly match up when everyone is independent and writing at different times)

Team: Clutch Droppers

Columbus, OH, Day -3

The time had finally come to head off for the starting line of the event, which happened to lie on the other side of the country from us… The timing of the event was nearly perfect, coming in at the beginning of summer, when the weather would be nice for the majority of the drive out to the start line, as well as during the event. Ryan and I got together three days before the event was to start, gathering supplies and preparing for the cross-country trip. Jason would be of little help for much of the packing, so we decided to leave him out of our preparation until we had most of the work done.

Bob: Alright Ryan, we are gonna have to drive hard to get out to Washington before the event starts and I am honestly worried about driving all the way out there with the engine being as heavily modified as it is. I think we should put it on a trailer to take it across the country. I know we won’t get a proper shakedown, but we will have a better chance of the car living through the entire event.

Ryan: I understand what you mean, but I want to drive it! Isn’t that the entire reason for this event? But yeah… I have worries about the engine as well. maybe we could drive it every now and then just to make sure everything is running ok on the way?

Bob: I guess we could do that. Some short duration driving throughout the trip just to keep it loose would be good. Now, let’s figure out what we need to pack. We are going to need three tents, food and drinks, fire starting and maintenance gear, cooking utensils, spare parts… the car is going to fill up fast.

Ryan: Don’t worry about the survival stuff, I got us covered. We should head down to the auto store and junkyard to grab some extra parts though, just in case. Let’s keep our parts and supplies about equal, that should see us through this pretty well.

Columbus, OH, Day -2

After gathering our supplies and packing the car as efficiently as we could (our Tetris skills really came in handy), Ryan and I headed to Jason’s house to get this roadtrip started.

Jason: Sup guys, we ready to do this?!

Bob & Ryan: Hell yeah!

Bob: Ok, I’ll take the first driving shift in the Bil. Do you want to ride with me or Ryan, Jason?

Jason: No way am I riding in Ryan’s jeep if I don’t have to, that thing is annoying as all hell on the highway with his stupid off-road tires.

Ryan: Fine, I didn’t want you in my car anyway… but we will be putting the car onto my trailer in Indianapolis… so don’t get too comfortable.

Pulling out of Jason’s driveway, our 1992 jeep and 1996 sedan, both in fairly bad condition, made for a ragtag convoy, but with a thirty-seven hour trip ahead of us, we were ready for anything.

What we were not ready for was the massive thunderstorm that rolled in only a few miles outside of Columbus. The forecast had called for rain, but we were not prepared for the deluge that rolled over us in a matter of moments, completely obscuring the road and forcing us to pull off to wait it out. Turning off the Bil turned out to be a bad idea. Once the rain had passed we tried to get back on the road, but the car would not turn over. A quick check of the engine confirmed out suspicions, we were out of oil. We knew there was an oil leak and that the engine was burning oil, but we had failed to top it off before leaving Columbus, luckily we had brought a case of oil with us. One bottle of oil latter and some gentle coaxing of the engine later, the car sputtered to life and we were off.

Cruising along Interstate 70 towards Indianapolis we noticed that the storm must have cleared everyone from the road, we were all alone with nothing but the endless cornfields to keep us company. In order to spice things up, I flipped on my radar detector, hooked the car’s AUX cable into my iPhone, and que’d up some Queen. I pulled alongside Ryan in his jeep and rev’d the engine. The turbo whine sounded impressive, and even though we all knew the jeep would be no match for the Bil, Ryan still tried to take it on. Gunning it on a long, open, section of road the sound of the engine was ear-splitting, apparently there was a hole or gap in the exhaust, but Jason and I were putting quite a distance between us and Ryan. We just managed to hit the car’s “new” top speed before the temperature gauge reached into the red and the engine power suddenly reduced (a nice safety feature in such an old car). Once Ryan caught up we cruised on to Indianapolis listening to the sweet sound of Classic Rock.

Minneapolis, Minnesota, Day -1

The previous had been pretty uneventful, once we reached the far side of Indianapolis we loaded our car onto the trailer Ryan’s jeep was pulling in order to give it a rest. We followed our GPS along Interstates 65, 90, and 94 to Minneapolis, Minnesota where we found a cheap hotel and turned in for the night. 12 hours down, 25 to go.

Waking up at 6 am the next morning we made a couple stops for breakfast and snacks before continuing west on I-94.

Once we got into North Dakota the scenery started to get more interesting and beautiful. The side open spaces, sparse vegetation in areas, mountains slowly growing on the horizon, it all made for an epic feeling drive. Crossing in Montana the interstate changed direction to run along the Yellowstone River, giving us some amazing vistas and scenery to take in on the long drive. Accompanied by our diverse and excellent music choices, the hours slipped by, punctuated only by the road noise coming from the large off-road tires on Ryan’s jeep.

Roughly 12 hours of driving and it was time to call it a break for the day. We had made it all the way to Billings, Montana, and the pacific mountain range loomed large in the distance. We would be tackling those winding roads tomorrow and hopefully arriving at Birch Bay State Park in Washington before the sun went down.

Billings, Montana, Day 0

Waking up yet again at 6 am, we wanted to get an early start as it was going to be a 14 hour drive to make it to the Park. We grabbed some food to go and ate breakfast as we approached the base of the Rocky Mountains. As we neared the Idaho boarder we could tell the jeep was struggling with all the uphill driving and hauling the car was not helping. These old jeeps already had underpowered engines and we were barely doing 40mph at times. We decided to chance it and drive the car separately so we would not fall too far behind schedule. Without the load of the Bil, the jeep was much more capable and we were able to maintain freeway speeds all the way into Washington.

We stopped in Seattle in order to replenish our supplies. We grabbed some more engine oil and immediately topped off the car again, as well as some air fresheners, and rolls of paper towles. Then we made the most important stop, beer. We had brought a decent amount of beer along for the cross-country drive, but were running dangerously low. Only Ryan and I drank, making it a bit easier to pack, but we had built up quite a thirst over the long hours driving… and went a tad overboard. 10 cases of beer and one meticulously packed car later, we were satisfied and ready to meet the rest of the teams at the start line. It was a good thing we had Ryan’s jeep for at least another night, as the rear seats were currently occupied by beer, but that would be remedied later that night.

About a mile out from the camp site we pulled over and discussed the loud exhaust and what we should do about it.

Ryan: I think the muffler clamp has come loose, we can probably just tighten it down and that should get the exhaust going where it is supposed to.

Bob: I have a better idea, since we are about to get into camp why don’t we take off the muffler clamp and let the pipe from the cat hang open and really make this thing annoying. We can roll into camp reving the engine and let that loud-ass wastegate get everyone’s attention. They will either hate us or… probably hate us, but at least they might think we have something serious under the hood!

Jason: HAHAHA, I like it, let’s do it!

So after a few turns of the socket wrench, we fired up the Bil to find out just how bad the sound was. I punched the gas down for a second, but it was enough to leave all three of us temporarily deaf. As the high-piercing whine that accompanies hearing damage faded we all had the dumbest smiles… we were ready. We grabbed a few construction earmuffs from Ryan’s jeep and after we had a good distance ahead of Ryan, Jason and I turned off toward the campground.

Seeing the lights through the trees helped guide us towards the cap ground, the sun had gone down about an hour ago and we were a bit confused as to where exactly we were supposed to be camping. Turning into the clearing for the campsite we spied about 15 other cars, more than we expected. We decided to get everyone’s attention by putting our foot down a bit. Between the actually bassy rumble with the muffler disconnected and the massive turbo whine, it was clear people were startled by our appearance.

We rev’d a few times before rolling into a spot near a completely made hatchback. It was some sort of 4 door hatchback… with a giant-ass spoiler on the roof, neon pink rims, and flame decals. We felt inadequate next to such a monstrosity, but we hoped and prayed it drove as terribly as it looked in the coming event. Looking around we saw a large assortment of vehicles, an orange hatchback caught our attention, as well as a car from the 40’s, a station wagon, and not one but two purple cars! This was going to be an interesting event.

Due to our later than expected arrival, Ryan quickly went about setting up our tents and a nice fire pit while Jason and I scoped out the competition. We were able to talk to most of the teams to get a basic backstory and learn about their cars before our hunger drove us back to our now raging fire. In-fact it was more of a bonfire at this point, was easily reaching 20 feet in the air. We stared at Ryan disapprovingly, but we knew this was what Ryan always did when he was in charge of the fire. We pulled out a skillet and small metal stand which we placed next to the fire and dumped a package of hotdogs in. Popping open a couple of beers we stared into the fire while the dogs sizzled away. It was a perfect night in the Northwest, not too hot, not too cold, and it wasn’t raining!

Once we had finished dinner and packed up the cooking gear, we made sure the fire was at a more manageable size before preparing for bed. After polishing off the last of our, shared, third case of beer, we put the fire out and climbed into our tents for a goods night rest before the start of the race in the morning.

rileybanks · 8 May 2017 15:52

I’ll post an introduction in a few hours

BailsMackenzie · 8 May 2017 16:15

Team Bamford

Day 0 in the park

" Well look at that pops, we made it to America after all!" yelled Jason from a cab of a tilt-tray with the Bamford on the back.
Ken had been skeptical about their chances in the 3cyl Bamford and it wasn’t until some days from the event start that his grandson had told him that the event was taking place in America and he was expected to pay for the air freight and airline tickets, because after all, he was the “rich guy”
Simon grinned as he and Phillip finished unloading the Bamford from the tilt-tray.
“Look at this!” moaned Phillip “Someone’s dinged the door in!” he continued.
“I wish someone would ding your heads in” muttered Ken as he slowly eased himself into his tent
“That’s not the right attitude to have man, you should be thrilled that we’ve given you the chance to compete in this event”
“The chance!” roared Ken with mocking laughter “That’s bloody great! Look at us, three teens and some old bastard sleeping in a broken mongrel of a car in a park full of people even stranger than you three!”
“At least you didn’t have to ride with those two in the truck” put in Simon “That driver was ready to do his block if they’d kept going on”
“Oh yes Simon, how lucky I was that I had to pay for three separate plane flights so I could die in a junker instead of my nice warm house! AND FOR YOUR…”
Ken was silenced by a car howling into the campgrounds.
“Damn, that thing sounds serious!” chuckled Phillip as he hopped into the Bamford and turned the key.
Silence, save for the car that was finding a place to park.
“Did you flick those switches you put in?” asked Jason
“Sure did” replied Phil, as he flicked the six pointless ignition switches on and off along the row they made on the dashboard.
The key was cranked again and the faint sound of starter motor whining was heard, along with a metallic grinding sound.
“It’s F****ed” said Ken, promptly zipping the flap of his tent shut.
Phil bounced in his seat as he cranked the car over for a third time, the noises continued until the engine roared into life, chuffing wildly.
“Is that running right?” called a voice
“Sure is!” replied Phil, smiling even as he heard chuckling from the direction that the question came from.
“Sounds like something with the starter and gearbox, probably the same thing that stops us from reversing” said Simon
Phil just smiled “She’ll be alright, it’s probably the homemade clutch assembly and all that jazz, just needs a bit of TLC”
“Which we can’t do, it’s late enough as it is and we’ve got to try and get some sleep before this does our heads in”

So the brave British lads locked up their prized possession and went to their tents, Phillip was the only one with a single shred of optimism that night, because he’d bought this car and he was going to make damn sure that it finished the event, come hell or high water.

Phil slept in the back of the car that night and spent some time telling the car how well it was going to do, how they’d do their very best and when it was all said and done, how he’d take it back home to England to restore it.

strop · 8 May 2017 17:46

Sorry, I’m running a bit behind. I’m going to start from:

#Day -5

Stroppy McHorseguy, lead design of Gryphon Gear, stepped outside his glass-partitioned office, joints cracking as he stretched his shoulders. The view may be good, but there was something about the open space of the balcony overlooking the rest of the R&D and prototype warehouse that restored in him that extra pep, that bit of inspiration that allowed him to nut out those really troublesome details. Like how to shape the headlights so that they conformed to ADR 46/00 but were still consistent with the design language of an apocalyptic hypercar, not to mention slotted in just so they didn’t interrupt the airflow thr- just thinking about it more was giving him a headache. Time to look at the bigger picture, and that meant hunching over the railing, arms folded, with a vacant stare plastered over his face.

Not five seconds later, a certain Kai Kristensen, senior (he would like to think sole) test driver and ace (and actually sole factory) race driver, slouched next to him. He was putting on such nonchalant airs that Strop was convinced that he was thinking about something very specific, but of course, when it came to very specific things that Kai felt strongly about, talking to him about it was about as easy as talking to a girl who was mad at you but required you to read their mind as to why otherwise it didn’t count, or so Strop imagined. Not that Strop actually did have this problem with his girlfriend, which, in this case, merely meant that he wasn’t Kai-trained. Or was he?

“'sup Crash.” Strop opened with something safe and casual.

“Mmmm.” This was about expected.

“Something on your mind?”

“Mmmm.” Kai’s bottom lip pouted out an extra few millimeters, the sure tell, but naturally, no more sounds were forthcoming. Time to start the song and dance.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“It’s fine.” On cue, the shoulders hunched a little more. But also on cue, there was a little crack in the corner of his mouth and a twinkle in the corner of his eye. Strop did his best to keep his head forward, which was quite easy, actually, because his eyes being set where they were, he could easily look in all directions wherever his head was pointed.

“No seriously, we’ve been over this before, it’s no good if you don’t talk about what’s on your mind.”

“Mmm, I’m fine.”

There was silence for precisely three seconds. Then ninja fast (or so Strop liked to think), he lunged for Kai, who yelped and pulled back, leaving his legs wide open. Two seconds later, Strop was dangling Kai by the ankles over the railing.

“Come on, spit it out son, or I’ll shake it outta you!”

“Okay okay!” Kai yelled, drawing the stares of the crew machining parts for the new crash mule. He held his hands up, palms open. "I’ll tell! But you better pull your pants up first, you’re flashing the entire floor.

Strop looked down. Indeed, as everybody could clearly appreciate, his pants had fallen down, which was impossible since his pants were definitely buttoned up, except for the fact that they weren’t. What. By reflex, he started to bend over to pick them up-

“WAIT WAIT WAIT pull me back up first you dickhead or you’ll kill our only driver!” Now quite flustered, Strop swore a blue streak as he hauled Kai over and dumped him unceremoniously on the metal grating of the balcony, hopping clumsily out of view while pulling his pants up. After taking three times as long as he normally would while trying to shut out the howls of laughter coming from the floor below, he finally straightened up and fixed Kai with a death stare, but Kai was too busy playing with his phone to notice. Wait, was that his phone, or his phone.

“Aaaaaaaand send!” Kai handed Strop’s phone back to him. Strop looked at the screen, to find that it had just finished sending his girlfriend, E, a photo of his tighty whities clad butt with his pants round his ankle.

“Noooooooooo!” Strop clumped forward, ready to exact painful retribution of Kai, but Kai jumped and scampered vertially up the water pipe until he was perched on the air duct a good ten feet above. Strop was quite sure he could do it too, only if he did, the whole thing would probably collapse and kill everybody. “Get back here you asshole!” he snapped, knowing full well that it was futile. Kai laughed at him.

“You know, I was gonna tell you anyway. Next time maybe you should just ask.”

“You want to WHAT?” Strop doubletaked halfway through a mouthful of salad, spraying bits of half chewed lettuce on the table and over Kai.

Kai was too excited to even pay attention to the lettuce now on his hoodie. “I want to buy Toothless back!”

“But… but why!?”

“Because!” Kai grinned. “He’s not done yet, he’s still got one more ride in him, and until then I don’t think he’s going to rest!”

“Let me get this right.” Strop finished chewing, swallowed, took a breath, then stared at Kai. “You want to buy Toothless back. Then take it for a road trip. From which Toothless will certainly not return. And we’ll be riding in it.”

Kai nodded so vigorously his head left an afterimage.

“I-” Strop then thought about his next words, which would have been: “I think this is a dumb idea and you’re nuts.” But they knew that already, and he was a bit wary of any further redundancies leaving gaps for Kai to play tricks on him. He figured maybe it’d be easier to skip all the preamble and just agree to go. “Ok seriously for the record this is a dumb idea and you’re nuts but it’s not like me not going is going to make it any better, besides, if you die, Hannah will kill the rest of us.”

“Yay!” Kai flailed and then offered his fist. “Fistbump.” Strop rolled his eyes and offered his own fist. “Now let’s go find Toothless! Didn’t we sell him to that vegan hippie guy?”

#Day -3

Kai’s memory was correct. More precisely, they had sold Toothless for the princely sum of 500 bucks to the vegan hippie guy who had just then returned from Nepal, where he had spent his semester break alpaca herding. Something about broadening one’s horizons through experiences. And Free Tibet. And so the next day, they found themselves sitting in a Lentil As Anything outlet, with Strop eyeing the lentil curry while they kept watch for a tall lanky Caucasian male with brown dreads and a Bob Marley beanie and Che Guevara T-shirt, which was to say, about 50% of the clientele. But that was precisely the kind of guy who wouldn’t care what the car was like if it ran, and it was cheap. Which was just as well, since Toothless had been riced beyond all recognition, and had been given the Kai-approved Hoon-Toon, which was precisely the reason that GG decided he needed to get rid of it and replace it with that lovely unicorn piece, the Cisalpina Scattante. Which was why Strop was a bit surprised that the guy was willing to sell the car back, when he got it for so cheap.

“Umm, hi, excuse me.” A tall lanky caucasian guy with dreads and a Bob Marley hat and Che Guevara T-shirt slid into the seat opposite Strop and Kai. “Strop and Kai? I’m Devin, you sold me the… car.”

“Namaste,” Strop smirked. “Are you actually interested in selling us the car back?”

“Well, actually, yes, yes I am.” Devin fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable. “Well, it’s not like I actually want to sell the car, I mean, it’s all I got now but…”

“Oh no, what happened to my baby?” Kai leaned over the table, almost mashing his face into Devin’s stubbly one. “Did you crash? Did the hose burst? Is there rust? CV joint? IS HE OK???” Strop had to pull him back into his seat. “Sorry, Devin. Go on.”

“No, no, the car runs… fine. I was actually going to keep it and restore it a bit and convert to biofuel and give it a fresh coat of paint.” Strop immediately clamped his hand on Kai’s mouth, muffling out his enraged would-be screams of DON’T YOU DARE. “But?”

“But, you know the whole Centrelink robodebt thing?”

“Oh yeah, that.” Only the latest, biggest debacle in the Government’s ongoing War Against Poor And Young People, where about fifty thousand people were falsely accused of ripping off taxpayers via an automated letter. Strop could see where this was going now.

“Yeah, when I got back from Nepal I got this letter saying I owed them like two grand and I was shitting myself man, they said they overpaid my Newstart and they wanted it back or they were gonna send people over man. I’m freaking out! I don’t have two grand! And so I tried calling them but of course they wouldn’t answer and like, I dunno what I’m gonna do, all my housemates got the same letter too, we’re so broke.” Devin clasped his hands together. “Sorry man, I know it’s not, like, your problem, but, that money would be a lifesaver right now.”

And so it was that Toothless once again changed hands for precisely the same sum, five hundred bucks. It wouldn’t have gone for a cent more, not with its resplendent hand-painted flame decals, lidded green tinted headlights (of questionable road legality), completely stupid splitter and massive touring car wing, and of course, those hideous neon pink aftermarket rims, which had nothing to do with the Toothless aesthetic, which, apparently, was kind of the point according to Kai.

“Ahhh, feel the powah!” Kai quipped ironically, as he wove his way through the streets of inner-city Melbourne. Literally wove, because apparently he wasn’t paying any attention to the road, traffic, or pedestrians, much to the horror of Strop.

“Kai, you’re on the wrong side of the road OH MY GOD NOW WE’RE MOUNTING THE KERB and oh Jesus fucking Christ you almost ran that hipster over was that intentional keep in mind the last guy who went off his nut and ran people over in the city got shot and that WAS ONLY FOUR MONTHS AGO hoooooly shit seriously fucking stop it.”

drawn both by my partner in crime, Cen, and myself

As luck would have it, they managed to get back to the garage with no further incident, no police actually spotted them, and hopefully, by the time anybody would think to submit dashcam footage to the cops, the car would be very far away. And possibly defunct. It was time for the trip of Toothless’ lifetime.

#Day -1

“Okay dear, I’ll be back in four days!” Strop kissed E as he walked out the door.

“Be safe and look after Kai!” E waved him off. “And love you.”

“Love you too!” Err, yes. Safe. Look after Kai. Strop checked his suitcase one more time, loaded with four days worth of clothes (just in case), including his thermal fleece (again just in case), his trusty First Aid kit, some belts and ties, an extra power supply for his phone and two USB cables, and a few packets of instant food. Should be enough, hopefully. ID and passport, check. Papers and permits, check. Now he could only hope Kai was suitably prepared (which he very much doubted, but one can dream). Now, strategically, he would call the Taxi and ride to Kai’s place, because there was no fucking way he was showing E the car they planned to do this trip in.

Stepping out of the taxi, Strop immediately saw some reason for optimism: Kai’s girlfriend (fiancée? since Kai had sort-of-joking-not-joking proposed when they got back together and they still weren’t sure), Bianca, was just getting out of Toothless. She must be between expeditions.

“Hey, Bianca, good to see you again!” Strop said, for once without any trace of sarcasm or irony whatsoever.

“And dat’s how we roll, BIATCH!” Bianca drawled, pointing finger guns at Strop, whose face promptly fell as he realised she had been infected by the Kai virus. “Eh, sorry, Strop.” She corrected, resuming her normal Brit lilt. “It’s the car. Every time I ride in it, I feel like a gangster, and not the good kind.”

“Hey!” Kai pouted.

“You know full well that the only reason I’m approving of this trip is because I know it’s going to be the last time I ever see this car!” Bianca glared daggers at Kai. Then once again her expressioned softened as she kissed Kai on the cheek. “Now you drive safe, okay?”

“I will!” Kai nodded, again, very vigorously.

“Pfft. Yeah, right,” Strop snorted, before immediately regretting it as Bianca turned the dagger stare onto him. “You better be right.”

With that, Kai lugged the toolkit into the car, followed by a duffel bag that no doubt Bianca had insisted he bring along. Systems check, fuel check, kick the tyres check. The internals were 250,000km old and ratty and god knows what the bolt-on turbo had done to it, but as far as they were concerned, it was in a condition to at least start. Where it went from there, well, that was for them to hang on and find out.

ok I’ll come back and do Day 0 tomorrow, plus rehash all the important particulars. Things will be much briefer from here!