Phil and the car’s love story: Still a better love story than Twilight
#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post
The story so far: Three uni students back at it again on a driving-based excursion. This time they’re in an imported orange Erin Merna, and they’re really going to try to not annoy the rest of the competitors.
“I just want to know why you chose a smaller car” queried James, again.
“Because it was the best I could find” replied Martin, again.
“What, you couldn’t find another Berlose? There’s barely any space in this thing!” - James was getting frustrated now.
Martin turned to him, his face visibly annoyed. “James, this car is in great condition, it was cheap and I can fix it easily. That’s all that matters”.
Seb came over, eating some crisps. “Good fucking god you two. Why don’t you both get down on one knee and marry each other so you argue like the married couple you are”.
Both James and Martin turned to him, confused. They both knew how annoying they were being, yet somehow there was something slightly enjoyable about arguing.
“Screw this, I’m off to scout out the competition” said Martin. They had only just arrived, after all.
Martin came back a little while later. James and Seb had unpacked the tent and had some Radiohead playing out of the stereo. “What ho, Brabantio?” called Seb.
James burst out laughing, Martin paused, confused. “That’s a Shakespeare line, right?”
“Yep!” replied Seb, excitedly.
“I thought you were studying Geography?” asked James, still smiling. “Just never expected you to say that”.
“Mmm” mumbled Seb. “Anyway, what did you find Martin?”
Martin sat down having grabbed a can of something out of the boot. “Greasy Lightning are back, as are Twin-Snail. They’ve got a gorgeous Minerva this time, it’s in this dusty purple colour, and they apparently managed to get it in exchange for that Savage they were using last time, somehow”.
“Nice trade, I guess?” said James. “Let’s keep friendly with them, they were very helpful last time”.
“Yeah” Martin agreed. “There’s also some 80s silver wagon thing, plus an Ankomst Bil”
“A what?” asked Seb.
“An Ankomst Bil” - Martin struggled a bit to say it “Trust me, you’ll know when you see it, it looks like it sounds. They were the guys making a load of noise when they arrived, seems like they’ve got exhaust problems”
James chuckled. “Let’s hope that stays with them. Anything else worth noting?”
“There’s a red Bamford Advance which you can’t miss, and, er, the guys from Gryphon Gear”
Seb laughed. “Are they pretending to be them or something?”. James joined in.
Martin smiled awkwardly. “No, really. It’s them”.
Seb and James stopped. “What?” they asked?
“No kidding, Stroppy and Kai Kristensen are actually over there in one of those tents”
Seb’s heart sank a little. He’d always loved Le Mans and endurance racing in general; his dad took him to Le Mans when he was 8, where he had watched the likes of Dimension, Erin, KHT and Meliora battle it out in the LMP1 category. Last year, while AMWEC was on, he and the guys had been running a bet on who would win, and Seb had chose to back the GG-Znopresk team. James and Martin had thought he was mad, until they won every single race that season. Ever since, he’d been a massive fan of Mr Kristensen.
“I have to meet him” he blurted out suddenly. The other two turned to look at him. Seb got up immediately and headed over. “He’s my hero guys, come on!”.
Martin and James looked at one another and shrugged. “Just be ready for the car they’re driving” warned Martin…
6 Likes
TEAM OUTRIDERS
Day -1 Final leg of transit from Tatum Heights, MI to starting point:
Marc: I can’t believe you let that stupid d— in the car!
Luigi: I’m right here you know!
Marc: Wouldn’t have said anything if you weren’t.
Blake: Settle down you two, I brought Luigi along because I figured he could be a big help.
Marc: What’s he gonna do? Have his mob buddies fix the competition?
Luigi: I oughta have the mob whack you.
Marc: How about I call Homeland Security and have them deport your ass?
Luigi: What? Too cheap to buy me a ticket back to Italy? Big surprise!
Marc: (to Blake) You know he’s a spy right?
Blake: Oh really?
Marc: Yup. He came here to spy on us for Mussolini. Only he was too stupid to realize that when he came over in '89, Mussolini had been dead for 46 years! So he figured “I guess I can changa the oil!” And that’s how our headache began.
Luigi: Shut up before I force feed you a ham sandwich!
Blake: Man, I can’t imagine how you two would be if you actually hated each other.
Marc: Oh God, that reminds me, the new kid in the Parks department called HR on us.
Blake: What?
Luigi: Yeah, we were going back and forth like we usually do, and he goes on like “You can’t say shit like that! That’s wildly inappropriate!”
Marc: It’s a good thing Lisa knows the two of us. It was nuts!
Blake: That’s insane.
Marc: Now, why are we in this old jalopy again?
Blake: It survived the Roulette Runner, it can survive anything. I christen this car “Keith Richards”
Marc: Obviously you did some work on the motor.
Blake: Um, no I didn’t. I mean I wanted to, but the rebuild kit was on back order.
Marc: What? No, that’s impossible, this sounds way to good to be the same motor.
Blake: Well, I didn’t rebuild that engine, I never said it was still in the car.
Marc: Ah, that explains the deeper exhaust note, where’d you get a motor?
Blake: From the Stag Big Chief that was sitting in my backyard waiting on a new bed.
Marc: Jesus! Is that safe?
Blake: No, not at all.
Marc: That’s a 432, that thing’s enormous!
Blake: Yet still fit in the car, along with the transmission. Ironically less power, but enough torque we could pull down a telephone pole.
Luigi: If we were so inclined. I also picked up some spare brake parts and wheels for cheap off the city auction site. She’s now sporting Gen IV brakes and 17" wheels. Cop tires of course.
Marc: Hot damn! You guys went all out. How many miles on the motor?
Blake: 121,000 mostly highway. I used it to haul wood.
Marc: Man, I’m looking forward to this.
Day 0: Arrival at starting point.
Luigi: We made it!
Marc: I’m surprised, given that you drive like an old bitch!
Luigi: Forgive me for not having a badge to abuse while speeding! Maybe I’ll pick one up if I can find one for a good price.
Blake: We made it, that’s the important thing. Let’s get camp set up.
(The three men set to work putting up three individual pup tents, getting a fire going, and cooking dinner, in this case hot dogs.)
Luigi: Bah! More of this kosher shit!
Marc: Hey, feel free to starve if you want. Sorry we don’t have any cholesterol in marinara sauce for you.
(Luigi responds by letting Marc know he’s “Number One”
Blake: I always liked beef franks better anyway.
(The attention of the three men was immediately caught by the sound of a revving engine with no muffler)
Marc: Excuse me.
(Marc walks over to Team Clutch Droppers badge in hand)
Marc: Gentlemen! I trust you’ll get that exhaust leak fixed by morning?
(I would like to see TheBobWiley’s response to this.)
5 Likes
The Cowys
Ram: You already met me in the Roulette Runner with Evan in Team Yokai. The-metalhead-now-Monstercat-loving teen is back!
Nomade: You can call me Nomad or Nomade, it depends on where are you from, that’s how most people call me anyway. I’m a lover of the road, my motto is: “the road is my home”, the place I feel most comfortable is behind a wheel and three pedals. From where I came, Brazil, we don’t have much racing, most of it are drag racing or turismo for rich guys, so I learned how to race at the streets. I like every kind of car, because any car can be a race car, if you have the guts to race it.
Today I live in Europe, moving from country to country, and for now I’m staying with Ram.
￭ａ ｍｏｎｔｈ ｂｅｆｏｒｅ ｓｔａｒｔ ｄａｙ￭
Ram
Now we’d got the Surge in this faded orange back to our house. The clearcoat was peeling and the inside smelled seriously dusty but that wasn’t that surprising. I had no idea what to do with the car.
Saturday. About noon. I’m more bored than a coed that does porn instead of study stuck at a lecture on marine biology. Anyway, it’s blimmin hot and there’s no breeze. I’m a Norwegian, this isn’t weather, this is hell. Nomade of course is Brazilian so he’s largely unfazed by the conditions. He’s not even at home at the moment. I’m just lying here dying, slowly turning into a limp sack of dehydrated potatoes when a car crunches to a halt outside. Turning to my side, I jumped up and looked out. Nomade was back and there was something oddly shaped covered in a black cloth in the trailer. Taking the stairs down two at a time I grabbed the door handle before Nomade even reached the door. “'sup?” I quizzed, stepping out to inspect this black lump closely. He grinned and said just one word. “Odyssey.” Turning to look at him I felt the shit-eating grin growing on my face as well. “Oh yes, son.” He replied, “are you thinking what I’m thinking? You know where this is going?” Not even bothering to reply I put my hand up for a solid high five. This was going to be a right hoot even if things went wrong.
Nomade
Before we get ahead of ourselves we need to take a moment to plan and collect our wits. Ram was taking a look around the car, tapping body panels and checking on brakes and for broken glass and stuff like that. wew He let out a long whistle. “Any idea why this was so cheap? It’s not even in that bad of a condition, honestly.” I had to think for a moment but there wasn’t too much to it really. “It was always an affordable sports car, but nothing exotic. Unique but not insane. Like the V6, it’s meant to cater to it’s own niche but if you look at the mounting points Gamma has engineered it to suit the amateur mechanic as well. It’s simple but effective. Coincidentally it happens to be similar to the Odyssey engine as well in dimensions and mount locations, stuff like that. If you take out the engine it came with, people don’t see the appeal in the purchase anymore because it seems like a project car. Which makes it perfect for both us and anyone who wants a fantastic cheap quick car.”
Ram chuckled. “Funny how V6 minivans seem to always be inevitable for me, heh. Alright, I’ll get the tape and marker, let’s start measuring.”
Ram
UNNGBHH fuck my back. Holy fucking mother of sweet baby raptor Jesus why did I agree to this engine swap. That cunt of an engine weighed like several hundred kilos and swinging it about and aligning it and then doing up all the bolts to the right torque specs… hellish but fun in a masochistic way. Now we’ve a week to nurture ourselves back to health and we’re off on a drive to the start point. The engine is in, it runs, the fuel system, oil and cooling are hooked up. Spare battery ready. Lots of small parts and filters and shit also available. The interior needs a good once-over with a vacuum cleaner and we’ll be good to go.
After all that trouble that’s the car for you to see:
8 Likes
Team Mountain Pass
Day -1
Working for Mountain Pass is hard work. Usually I’m stuffed into the back of an overpriced SUV, trying to snap pics of 'roid rager spec hot hatches or slideways coupes, with naught but my digital SLR between me and the blurred tarmac. So when I was sent over to the USA to build a car for the 24hrs of LeMons I felt my suffering for my art had been vindicated. Then the editors rang and made me aware of their secret plan: The LeMons car had to be ready for the Grand Tour as well!
I had just completed the various modifications to the ex-taxi Ambassador I’d sourced; Bogliq’s are cheap here in the US as they just weren’t embraced as a local, despite being built in a factory on US soil to this day! I hadn’t had time to fully shakedown the car so when I went to pick up Pierre and Andrew from the airport I was annoyed to notice that the ABS light was on and that under moderate braking there was a vibration coming from the front wheels… Damn!!! There was no time to worry about it though, the tour started tomorrow and there was no time for me to pull the wheels off and check.
Day One
Everyone piled into the car early in the morning so we could head out to the State Park starting line and ensure we had plenty of time to size up our competition as well as get ourselves signed off by the Tour’s organisers. The Bogliq was in fine form, a little slow but purring like a kitten. As soon as we arrived Pierre and Andrew scarpered in different directions to scope out the talent and I did a final check of all the Ambassador’s vitals and all seemed to be in order so I moved the car into position, ready for the Tour to begin…
7 Likes
Between Strop’s drawing and Bobloblaw’s dialogue, I’m dying over here.
1 Like
I’ll just ‘air’ this little bit of information: If people do the loud music thing this time, Luke has a three-tone surprise under the hood of the Midnight.
Not that I’m discouraging such things, though. The air horns will be used, probably rather very often. And beware tunnels, because I’ve got ‘low’ and ‘high’ modes for volume…
1 Like
Oh believe me there will be air horn and loud music from over here.
2 Likes
Just remember that Marc Levinstein is a cop, and has no qualms about notifying local authorities.
2 Likes
Team: Clutch Droppers
Day 0 - response
After pulling into the Park and making complete fools of ourselves with the unmuffled exhaust, we were feeling pretty good. However, just after we finished parking some older dude from one of the other camps came over to us. He had a badge in his hand and wanted to know why our car was so loud.
Now if he had not had a badge we would have ribbed him a bit about being some “old man” that can’t handle how awesome our car is. But having respect… and fear… for officers of the law we all came to attention real quick.
Bob: O, I am sorry officer, I think the muffler came unhooked as we were pulling into the park area, we will get it fixed before the start of the race tomorrow. We have a pretty crappy exhaust on this thing and it is giving us some trouble… sir.
Jason and Ryan: snickering at my groveling Yes sir, we will get it looked at first thing in the morning, but we are beat for the day.
As the officer walked away we gave each other stupid/scared smiles.
Bob: I guess the fun police are in town… which may make our balls-out strategy a bit dangerous. O well, we will deal with it as it comes.
Day 1 - Morning
In order to get the car ready for the first leg of the journey, we decided to wake up at the crack of dawn, about 5:30 am. The first thing we did was get our fire from the previous night relit and start cooking up some bacon and eggs. When we stopped in Seattle the day before we picked up a few perishable items for today’s meals, knowing they would not keep very well in the car. Last night’s low temperature kept our bacon and eggs cool enough to cook up for breakfast, which made for a pleasant start to the day. Once breakfast was wrapped up we topped off the car’s oil yet again and quickly clamped the exhaust pipe back to the muffler to keep Officer No-Fun, happy.
After some final pre-flight checks were done and last night’s emptied beer cases were discarded, we were ready for the race to get underway. Although, the aforementioned numerous empty beer cases were making it more difficult than usual to function so early in the morning. The thrill of the coming days was enough to keep Ryan and I focused, cutting through the haze and weariness of the past few days.
2 Likes
Team Riot Uncontrol Day -X
Aaron finally lifted his head out the trunk.
“And can we put our things in it ?” Paul asked.
“Mrghrg Mrgh”
“The Gasmask Aaron”
Quickly Aaron lifts the Mask
“When all the bleach drys, yes. I wouldn’t put food into it though”
“We got the whole backseat for that”
“Sure. Did you check the engine "
“YES, I have and I even improved the car !”
Aaron slaps his forehead
“What have you done…”
“I hoped you gonna ask this !”
Happy like a child on Christmas eve, Paul climbed into the driving seat.
“Listin to this”
“HEHEHEHE”
Paul was giggeling like a school girl
“You spend 4 hours on a new horn ?”
Aaron was not impressed with the work of his brother
“OH COME ON. At least i manged to get it installed”
“4 hours ?”
“Well first i read the instruction in French, which was complicated, then i saw the German one, but that was butchered in translation and THEN”
Aaron interrupted " FOUR HOURS”
“It was hard okay…”
Aaron goes to the open hood and takes a look into the engine bay.
“Start the engine”
“Huh?”
“Start the car”
“Um Sure”, with that Paul turns the ignition key.
“Yep… Nice Work”
The horn still proceeds to loop itself.
“You can stop it now.”
The car and with that the horn stops
“So what now Aaron ?” Paul asked
Aaron removes his gloves and throws them into Paul’s Face.
" I gonna get some coffee and then another one…"
4 Likes
(Preface: those of you who have not done your intros and wish to do so and RP up to the driver’s meeting, go ahead and do so in your next post)
Drivers’ Meeting, Friday, 11:00am
“Good morning to you all, and welcome to the Kinda Grand Tour! I see we’ve got all kinds of rides here. Less of a car show and more of a graveyard. That’s exactly how we like it!” the event chair smiled at all the participants, barely holding back a cackle. “We’re passing out the waypoint sheets now. You must check in at and take a picture with your car at each of the required points on this list. Pretty much everything else is up to you. There is no group camp. No requirements on how, when, or where you rest, as long as it’s legal. There will be two winners at the end; the team that makes it the full distance the fastest, and the team that makes it the full distance closest to the average time. At the end, there will be food, fun, and festivities. So get your junkers ready, hold 'em together, and we’ll see you at the end!”
(The event organizers proceed to line up all of the cars at the park exit. A few minutes before the start, they block off the cross-traffic from the left so that all cars can make it unimpeded on to the first road. At noon, the flag drops…)
Legend of Terms:
TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.
Friday, Noon - 2PM
Weather Conditions: 63 degrees, partly cloudy.
This first section ran down I5 to SR20, west to the Coupeville ferry terminal. All teams made it on to the Salish, avoiding a 45 minute wait for the second ferry.
VicVictory:
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, last row of vehicles at the stern.
@yurimacs
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, last row of vehicles at the stern.
@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.
@Madrias
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, amidships
@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.
@CriticalSet9849
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +1 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.
@BailsMackenzie
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +1 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.
@Mikonp7
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, amidships.
@TheBobWiley
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.
@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.
@HighOctaneLove
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.
@strop
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.
@stm316
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, amidships.
@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, amidships.
@abg7
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.
@rileybanks
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +1 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, first row of the bow.
@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, first row of the bow.
@Rk38
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.
@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.
@SkylineFTW97
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.
Team Greasy Lightning
“C’mon, Fuzz. Take the picture and let’s get out of here!” Jen barked.
“Hold your horses, sis! Perfection takes time.”
“We don’t have time. We’ve got to get to the ferry dock before it leaves! It’s a 45 minute wait for the next boat!”
Fuzz snapped the shot and bolted for the car. He was barely down, the door not even closed, before Rick slammed his foot on the pedal and the turbocharged Suzume engine whizzed to life. Fuzz slammed the door shut and laughed. “No leaving me behind, Jen. Dad would be pissed.”
“He’ll get over it,” she snorted. “And maybe you’ll finally learn who’s boss.”
“You think you can take me?”
“No, I know I can. Hey Rick, want to take a picture of me putting him in a headlock and giving him a noogie?”
Rick smirked. “Maybe later. We’ve got a boat to catch.” He carefully attenuated the throttle with his foot; the Chancellor’s cruise control system couldn’t be adapted to the Suzume engine, thus control was a rather artistic endeavor. “So where’s the first checkpoint again?”
“Fort Worden State Park,” Fuzz blurted before Jen could reach for the waypoint list. "It’s supposed to be close to the dock on the other side of the water.
“Right. Onward!”
9 Likes
##Team Artiseros
Ernie: Well its go time.It is partly cloudy.
Aldren: When that guy said “the team that makes it the full distance the fastest or closest to the average time”,
that probably means the end of our journey before we start.
Ernie:Ahhh shut it Aldren! The point of this challenge is to just enjoy the whole journey,not just to win and all those stuff.
Aldren: I suppose your right.Say we dont have a cassette,but i bought a small radio with a couple of CD’s.
Ernie: Go play it! It is kinda getting boring
Aldren:OK
Aldren puts a disc in
Ateri: What is this shit?(waking up from drunkness)
Aldren:looks at back seats oh just music
Ateri: Bah! Would rather listen to Eurobeat or something drinks sake.
Ernie: Quit whining over there! Buckle up boys,the trip has just started.
Aldren puts next disc
Miles have passed for the trio in their convertible just the usual, then they stopped and took a picture of the view when they were on the Deception Pass Bridge
Aldren: Its probably time to go catch that boat.With that car developing less than 100 hp we probably wont make it.
Ernie: Not without me on the driver’s seat
The trio rushed to the boat,just in time to be with a pack of cars which seems to forego the same journey
##At the boat
car gets in the ferry
turns off engine
Ernie: Well,we made it in time.There seems to be a bunch of cars in the ferry,they probably must be going in the same challenge.
Aldren: Probably with faster cars.
Ernie: Whatever! Hey Ateri! You ok?
(Sees thumbs up from Ateri in the mirror of the car)
Aldren:He seems to be fine.(jokingly said)
(Aldren and Ernie gets out of the car)
Ernie:sniffs Fresh air indeed of lovely America.
Aldren: There must be a place where we can buy something in this ferry.
Ernie: Maybe.Let go ahead and explore then.
(hears murmurs of other groups)
Aldren: From what i hear from these people,the checkpoint is probably near the dock.
Ernie:Well that means we are closer to having good rest.
Aldren:
And so the trio are going be in a wait,curious whats going to be in the other side.
next chapter coming soon
6 Likes
Team Mountain Pass
Friday, Day One, Noon to 2pm
Since I had already adjusted the Ambassador’s controls and seat to suit my driving position, Pierre and Andrew decided to leave me in place and take the first stint at the wheel. Andrew called shotgun and proceeded to search for the most obnoxious radio stations he could find and Pierre plotted our course from the backseat. The first run to the ferry was an easy one with no competitors having any issues and we arrived at the ferry without incident. Since the brake shimmy hasn’t worsened I’ve decided to not worry so much about it for the moment but I plan to take off the front wheels at the end of the day today (if we have time) and check the pads and the rotors…
Man, riding the ferry is boring! We ended up watching the water, to stave off any queasiness, and mentally prepared ourselves for the long road ahead.
Distance required: 86 miles
Distance covered: 86 miles
Morale: +2 (Boats are fun!)
Fatigue: Nil (Early days yet)
4 Likes
Sorry about doing this so late, got stuck at work. Anyway…
Team DMV Speed Stars
Members:
Felix Ferreira
20, Mechanical Engineering student, Aspiring Gearhead, Son of DMV’s senior accountant
Ethan Miller
20, Electrical Engineering student, Cares more about numbers than experience with cars. Speaking of, his modified Prius averages 58 MPG in case you wondered.
Dennis Austin
20, Mechanical Engineering Student, Cares more about looking cool than having fun
One Week Ago
Felix is poking around his dad’s office after finishing his exams. He’s always looking for inside information about the latest cars. Today, he stumbles on an advert for the tour and immediately gets excited. He runs to his dad to gather further information.
Felix: Dad, did you hear about this endurance race? It looks awesome! Someone from DMV should enter.
Felix’s dad: Yeah, I heard a bit about it. But nobody here is particularly interested. Remember, we’re all old folks here to count the money. You and your friends seem like much better candidates for it.
Felix: You think so?
Felix’s Dad: Yeah. But entries close soon. Anyone wishing to join best hurry and find a car. winks
With that, Felix races back to the campus to gather his friends and hit up Craigslist. He finds his 2 closest friends, Ethan and Dennis.They’re a bit hesitant about the idea at first.
Ethan: Sounds a bit risky. Besides, you’ve never driven anything that bettered before.
Dennis: What kind of car would we be using? I’ve wanted to do a road trip or something, but in an RV. Not some shitty old compact.
Felix: We can make it into one! Like that episode of Top Gear.
beat
Felix: Ok, those were bad examples, but still.
Dennis: I guess so, but nothing too small.
Felix: I can live with that.
Ethan: Good. Your car is cramped enough with us in it. We don’t need to be stuck in anything smaller.
Felix: Is that a yes?
Ethan: Fine, but you owe me one.
Felix: sigh Now to find a car.
The next day
Felix: Guys, I found something.
It’s a 1983 DMV Nebula. It only has 185,000 miles, and he only wants $650 for it!
Ethan: So, what’s wrong with it?
Felix: Look at it. It’s in great shape. I’m gonna go pick it up tomorrow.
Ethan: Keyword. LOOKS great.
Felix: Whatever. You’ll see. It’s the real deal. I can feel it.
Dennis: Wanna bet? $50 says there’s something wrong with this thing.
Felix: Fine. But your doubts just filled my tank with premium gas.
Ethan: We’ll see.
The next day again
The 3 sprint off to the seller’s house after a quick pit stop at the closest convenience store. Felix hands over the money and takes the key, opening it up in the hopes of putting all doubts to rest.
Ethan: I must admit, it is in good shape.
Dennis: Well. They put a pod filter in here. But whatever.
Felix starts the car up.
Felix: Prepare to eat your words and your cash, Dennis.
Felix puts the car in gear and it stalls.
Felix: The fuck?
Ethan and Dennis: That was a beautiful start.
Felix gets going, but the car shifts sloppily due to a slipping clutch.
Dennis: Guess you’re filling my tank. Either that, or you can’t shift anything without your Stage 2 clutch anymore.
Ethan: You know what? I’m glad I came along. I get to watch Takumi Fujiwara here fuck up.
Felix: Fuck you guys. It’s gonna work fine.
8 Likes
Team BAGS
Gary: The drive to the ferry was the easy part…
Brian: …as it always is. In fact every other entrant is already on board this boat, without having to wait for the next one.
Amy: The KGT doesn’t really start until we disembark from the ferry, does it?
Stephanie: You’re dead right. And Deception Pass Bridge is just the first point of interest we’ve found… there are definitely going to be many more. Anyway, let’s get some rest for the time being and prepare for the long trip ahead of us.
5 Likes
##Team Twin-Snail
Before the stage
Luke looked over at Team Outriders before opening the ashtray on the Midnight, setting his hidden toggle switches to “low” and “Disarmed” so that their triple truck horns, and more importantly, their train horn, remained undiscovered for the time being. Scott, Amy, and Linda returned to the car with news from the other teams.
“Well, looks like we’ve got some returning teams here. Outriders are back, with the same or maybe similar Enforcer, though it sounds meaner. Looks like they’ve got a scan tool, too, 'case your cable’s busted.” Linda said.
“Also team Mountain Pass managed to find another blue Bogliq to thrash on, so I’m tempted to make a gift of one of our spare fire extinguishers, given how they went out last time. Also, Team Southend-or-Bust is back, so you may want to consider giving the gift of one of those spare server fans you’re lugging around, in the event they blow their air conditioning. Heard they turned that car into a soggy sweatbox last time out.” Scott added, grinning wickedly.
“As for new teams, we’ve got two guys from Gryphon Gear, though we’re fairly sure that their riced-out shitbox does not, in fact, have a thousand horsepower, there’s those jackasses who roared in here that got called out by the cops for being too damn loud, and there’s a rattle-trap shitbox that sounds like someone threw a washing machine down the stairs. It’s driven by an old fart and a couple of kids, by the look of things.” Amy said, finishing the situation check.
“So… We may have allies, but we certainly have people to watch out for. Good thing the Minerva’s got that anti-theft alarm, and I’ve rigged it to the air horns, so if anyone tries to break into the car, everyone’s gonna know it.” Luke said. “Well, let’s get on the move.”
Driver’s Meeting
The quiet whispering among Team Twin-Snail went barely noticed as they sat through the driver’s meeting, most of the conversation being based around how fast they thought they could get away with driving in their dark purple sedan, what music fit the first day drive, etc. There was also a fair amount of half-mocking going on regarding other people’s cars because, after all, they had experience and they’d driven here over 2,000 miles just for the event. And, of course, a betting pool on which car would expire first.
Departure, Stage 1, 12:00 PM
With the Minerva Midnight’s beautiful 3.6 liter V6 all warmed up from idling through the driver’s meeting, Team Twin-Snail set out for the Coupeville Ferry Terminal, blaring AC/DC through the Midnight’s surprisingly good sound system. Setting a modest pace for their first leg, they flew over the Deception Pass Bridge going ‘slightly’ above the speed limit, engine roaring in 5th gear overdrive, and the air conditioning on full blast.
“Luke, turn the fucking A/C off! It doesn’t need to be 50 degrees in here!” Linda said, reaching forward for the climate controls. “We need heat to live.”
As they made it to the ferry terminal, they were loaded up onto the Salish, where it was mutually agreed that they’d get out and explore a bit.
After the Stage
With the Minerva secured and switched off, the only thing they had left was the ferry ride. And while Amy, Linda, and Scott quickly made their way out of the car, Luke stayed behind, insisting he’d much prefer staying in the car and away from the water.
“Really, Luke?” Amy asked.
“I may be highly water resistant, but I sink. And I can’t get out of deep water on my own. So no, I’m staying in the car. Plus, I’ve got better things to do than to find out what that water will do to my titanium chassis. Go enjoy the weather, I’ll be in the car keeping people from stealing our stuff.”
Aftermath
Car:
Still 95%. Needs to have the twin throttle bodies cleaned and the MAF sensors cleaned. Runs fine, though. Very comfortable leather seats.
Team:
-Luke: Comfortable, though staying in the car.
-Scott: Disappointed in the lack of beans on this trip.
-Linda: Hoping they do well.
-Amy: Somewhat worried that someone is going to blow the frickin’ train horn she helped install.
MRL +2 Overall
FTG =0 Overall
6 Likes
Day 0
Toni: Looks like we got here early enough. I’ll just park over there (gestures to a spot near the edge of the area).
Bill: Good. We can actually watch as everybody else rolls in.
Wookiee: And I can do a bit of recon, army style.
Bill: You weren’t in the army!
Wookiee: Point?
Later that evening.
Wookiee: I’ve counted 19 others. A few familiar faces, a few new ones. And there’s a tiny little green thingy, with like, a granny drving, or some shit. It’s funny as. I did notice that blue-face dude again. I’m sure he thinks he’s a Gaul or Celt… or something. He looks shifty.
Bill: Says you. Let’s just get some rest. You’ve had your fun.
Wookiee: Not yet. (smirks)
Day 1
Drivers meeting is over and Mr Hankey is warming up in preparation for departure.
Bill: So… how exactly did you find this car.
Wookiee: I suppose I can tell you now. Estate sale. I heard about it, bought it, then told you guys.
Bill: We’re driving a dead man’s car!?
Wookiee: No, we’re driving a dead man’s PROJECT car. It’s different. Say, you wouldn’t know who this belongs to? (holds up a licence plate that’s clearly been “borrowed” from a nearby car)
5 Likes
##Apex Predators; Day 1 - Section 0-1
Section 0; Pre-show
Ash was the only one to show up to the Driver’s briefing. Viper and Blisk were making sure that no-one messed with the Tasman. Viper has taken to calling it the Not-Straight. Slone was taking a look at everyone else’s cars, and trying to ignore a hangover
Section 1, To The Ferry!
Viper: Wooo! This thing goes! Who knew the Australians made such a great muscle car!
Blisk: Not so rough around the corners! The seatbelts barely work back here, and we have shit in the boot!
V: Gotcha, Five by five.
B: You’re a twit.
Ash: I love California. We should set up a tech hub here.
B: We have a race to win, Ash, and you’re thinking about the company still?
A: It’s in my programming, Blisk.
Slone: You’re a Simulacrum, Ash. You’re not entirely programmed.
A: Oh. Yeah.
V: Slone, Check if anyone’s near.
S: The Ricebox are near.
V: Got it, takeout’s on my six.
8 Likes
#Team Flaming Fart Cannon
###The team
Kai Kristensen
Age: 26
Titles: Gryphon Gear Lead test driver; Gryphon Gear factory race driver
Bio: Drives to chase his demons, and drives as if chased by demons. Driving is his soul and muse. Keeps odd hours, can’t keep still, and the only meaningful way to modulate his moods is music. Has mechanic certification so often gets saddled with wrench duty when on informal road trips. If he looks shifty, that’s because he is; those fingers aren’t just good at nuts and bolts. With his small, lithe frame can also squeeze into tight spots like nobody’s business. His spirit animal would be a ferret.
Stroppy McHorseguy
Age: 29
Titles: Gryphon Gear Design Chief; Gryphon Gear casual test driver
Bio: The catalyst behind GG’s obsession with street-legal four figure outputs and speed at all costs. Has next to no engineering background, so ended up a professional doodler. A former medical doctor who burnt out from burning the candle at both ends a bit too much, he has transferred his obsessive nature to realising a childhood love, hence the explosive proliferation of outlandish concepts and mad projects. His intensity is laced with a certain asceticism, always practicing martial arts and healthy eating. As the one who impulsively introduced Kai to GG, he has frequently been dubbed the unofficial Kai wrangler.
Toothless
2001 Toyota Corolla Ascent Seca E120 (as sold in Australia)
Components:
Original 1.8L 1ZZ-FE block
Bolt-on turbo (found in GG mule testing surplus stock) with air-air intercooler
Forged internals
Tuned ECU
Widebore exhaust
Stock transmission
Neon pink aftermarket alloy wheels 195/55R15 sports compound tyres
Stock brakes
Stock suspension
Stock interior
GT wing
GT splitter
Lidded green tinted headlights
Chrome exhaust tip
Custom sidepanel flame decals
151bhp @ 6900rpm
207Nm @ 3700rpm
0-100km/h - 7.7s
Quarter Mile 15.9s
8L/100km
Clearly an ironic statement, given this served as Kai’s daily for a couple of years. Truth was he didn’t know he had money to spend and his other car was a gifted 2.5M four-wheeled monster that ate hypercars for breakfast and shat fireballs with the power of BOOOOSCHT. Not a great daily. And if you have an unobtrusive shitbox the previous owner’s idea of ‘love’ is ‘push thoroughly’, then why not make a real fist of it and wring what little life out of it left. That’s the idea now: take it on one final voyage where it will probably explode and burn, and where it dies shall be its grave.
Known issues: the clutch is a bit worn and will slip on a hard launch. The right front CV joint sounds dangerously creaky. The rear brake pads are probably just about completely gone. The speakers don’t really work. The horn definitely does not work. The condition of the airbag is… unknown. There’s no spare. On the plus side the engine has been cleaned, polished, greased up and the pistons, while reconditioned, are in good nick.
#Day 0
Heeeeeeey Team Flaming Fart Cannon on the scene with a car that decidedly did not fire flaming farts, but hey, at least it did stand out from the crowd. In parc ferme it seemed that they stood out perhaps a little much, what with the garish colours and all. Strop kind of imagined that the other vehicles might have been a bit more, er, outspoken, but it was rather not the case, and he risked feeling self-conscious. Well, fuck that, this was not the place for being shy, if they managed to venture all the way to Trump (not-my-president) Land!
“Actually come to think of it,” Strop stopped in sudden thought. Kai, lounging across the back seat of Toothless, plucked his earphones off and poked his head through the open door: “Hmm?”
“Isn’t this the first time you didn’t get detained going through customs?”
“Holy shit, you’re right! You got held up instead!”
“That’s right.” Strop jabbed an emphatic finger. “Just saying. It’s racism in action, that’s what it is.”
“What, and the fact TSA like to assume I’m a drug mule every single time isn’t discrimination?”
At this point the delightful invective-laced banter of a certain Jewish-Italian odd couple wafted over the airwaves. “Ahhhh, it’s almost just like Australia, except Australia has less black people.”
The declining standard of discourse in this passage was mercifully truncated by a revving engine with no muffler, plus a lot of tortured squealing on top. One of the racists was seen walking over, producing a badge. Kai rolled over, groaning. “Fuuuuuck what’s a cop doing in an event like this?”
“No, Kai, you are not jacking his ride.” In younger days, Kai had a bit of a track record with the constabulary of more than one country of a range of antagonistic maneuvers, ranging from slipping out of his cuffs to “borrowing” a police car during a multicar chase.
“Aww!” Kai was about to slip his headphones back on when they saw somebody half-jogging towards them. “You guys Gryphon Gear? Holy shit you are!”
“Ah, yes, I suppose so,” Strop scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling self-conscious again. “Hey Kai, get out here!”
Kai’s head popped back through the door: “wha?” only to find his hand being vigorously pumped. “Oh my god I’m Seb so nice to meet you I’m a massive fan ever since you completely locked out the last AMWEC season these guys didn’t believe you’d do it but I told them you were the real deal and you did it you really did it and what are you doing here anyway can I have your autograph-”
For once Kai was completely outpaced, and, having carried the status of Rookie and Underdog for most of his professional career, he was still not used to actually dealing with actual fans, so all he managed was a bashful grin and a: “sure I’ll sign.” Though of course he didn’t have a pen. While Seb and Kai fumbled around for autographing material, in the interest of politeness, Strop was awkwardly talking to James and Martin: “so, have you done this before?”, though he was aware that each passing moment was a moment closer to having to explain what the actual fuck was with their car.
several minutes later
“Ahaha… long story, that. Let’s just say it’s going to be a Viking sendoff.”
“A… what?”
Strop gestured at Kai. “Danes, y’know.”
Between Seb also not having a pen, Kai insisting if he wanted an autograph, the least he could do was find something to write with, and Strop realising a bit of pre-event briefing might just be helpful enough to reduce their chance of having to hitchhike half the journey with a potential serial killer, they’d formed a bit of an odd party with the beer of Team ‘Southend Or Bust’, the instant ramen of Team Flaming Fart Cannon, and a gas stove. Strop wasn’t much of a drinker and Kai actually generally avoid it given the memories of his angry drunk self yelling at the rain times, but this was an exception. Slightly famous or not, this was the time to do as planned and cut loose a bit, which, naturally, meant whipping out the UE Boom stick and comparing playlists. “Ok, I see you that, but if you want something really fresh, you should check out these guys.”
Now decidedly not shy anymore (and perhaps a little buzzed), Strop proceeded to select his moves from the Ministry of Silly Walks and got his groove on.
#Day 1
“YEEEEAH MOTHERFUCKER I’M FLYING.”
“Kai, shouldn’t you keep your head inside of the door while you’re driving?”
“You just do your navigatey thing, and I’ll do my drivey thing!”
Strop looked at the map again. This didn’t seem too… difficult. Provided nothing major went wrong, which it probably would, but otherwise, they might have to step things up a little bit at the right time if they really wanted to give Toothless the appropriate send-off. Either that, or drop him off a cliff at the end or something. Hitchhiking was kind of a hassle, after all.
But it was a beautiful day, the air was fresh, the skies clear, and the tunes were buzzing with the windows down. This was the best possible start to a roadtrip, culminating in a ferry ride with a whole bunch of shitboxes, ranging from old hatches, older sedans, and a spacevan??? Time to scope out the competition, perhaps, since there would be no driving on the ferry, there’d still be plenty of entertainment to go around.
9 Likes