Yeah hi, I’m wanting to do a review thingy here. My standards arent particularly high, just DM me and I will review cars when I am able to, and if it isn’t up to my standards, well, expect me to tear into it
Warning, the review may include banterous comments. These may seem like insults, but its similar to Cinemasins. I am nitpicking at shit for the sake of funny readings
cars from any era are fine
Please provide front and rear pics in your DM
Finished cars only
Beta cars only (unless its a zip file)
If your car is on the Repo I may review it anyway
reviews are up to me. I do not have to review everything sent
It is not first come, first served
Please try keep them on the lower detail end, I have a potato PC
If two cars that are similar come into the review scope at the same time, they may be reviewed together
Lime Rock is the “top gear test track” of this series, however, cars will usually be tested in Small Island or Utah
About the reviewer:
She has a general love for American cars, and French hatchbacks
She doesnt value practicality, but does enjoy a shitbox
Convertibles and Wagons are usually a good thing to her
She thinks most modern designs suck, prove her wrong
She goes by Rena the Reviewer.
A review of the 2008 Serpent Ambarino XT (by Secrane)
the Review itself
Imagine its 2007. Militaries are using some tin cans from the 90s with metal sheets on the sides, but one day, Serpent reveals its big plan. A 4x4 so big, its considered a commercial vehicle in Europe. It sounds like a truly American dream
This is more than the American dream, this is the American REALITY in the flesh! This thing, it sums up America perfectly if I do say so myself. Its extremely large, its powered by an engine almost as big as your mom, and it sounds Mexican for some reason
so what are we working with here. This oversized barge is obviously only available in the US, and is powered by NOT A V8, but a rather large 6 cylinder. I assume it has something to do with fuel economy or something, but thats not what I am looking for in a 4x4, I am looking for prowess offroad
and it has plenty to offer, with a lot of torque, power, and pair that with a 4x4 drivetrain, locking diffs, low gears, its pretty much suited for towing a trailer
so that is exaclty what we did. The Serpent Ambarino was no stranger to pulling a load, hell they have been doing so since the 60s. But even then, you could barely tell it was pulling a load with its torque. Of course, I had one of my standard terrible ideas
Military trucks would likely carry heavy loads up tall mountains, so why not do the same with this? 1400KG of Logs, a giant truck, and a Caramel Latte. Small island, prepare to be mounted
After a short while, the Ambarino got to the foot of the hill, and it was time for the climb. It had no real problems, it was pulling the trailer like it was its bitch, but unfortunately, the truck was becoming dehydrated. Gas was going down faster than the truck was going up. I had to hold my breath with it, America never made a good fuel economy truck. After a lot of praying and effort however…
The tank gave out seconds before reaching the post at the very peak, meaning it had JUST not made it. However, it was so close, we decided to count it anyway. Now then, where the hell is the bathroom up here
Final verdict
The Ambarino, it is a truly different breed of truck. it is time to answer the question though, can you daily a Military truck…well, in a week of using it in my hometown, I can tell you, ABSOLUTELY BLOODY NOT! It is WAYYYYY too big for any side roads, and the bed, it isnt even that big. Not to mention how for some reason, its only a four seater. Plus, theres the looks. This thing could have come out in 1988 and looked right at home alongise the Serval and whatever else they were selling at the time. The brief said to make a successor, not something that hides in the crowd of military vehicles. And then there is the rear, I am sorry, but the truck is squinting. It is legitimately squinting. Also, where the bloody hell is the V8?
In conclusion: Great truck, but I would never own one
A review of the 2020 Maxwell Continental (by ThatFatAmerican)
the Review itself
Maxwell, a name of prestige, a name of popularity, a name of…snobbyness, every person who can afford one, has one. Bureaucrats, Rappers, hell my mate even owns one. These things are a staple to any rich City, weather be it London, Vegas, or bloody Dubai even. This? This is thier magnum opus, thier staple, the mascot you could say, the car that they want you to think of when someone says thier name
This is specifically named the Blackhawk edition. It is basically every addon you can have on the car put in. Heated everything, chairs comfier than your sofa despite how much you love it, and all for the low low price of…TWO HUNDERED AND FIFTY THOUSAND POUNDS!? JESUS WEPT THATS A LOT
I suppose it should be expected. This car, it holds no bars. Its not one of those dead inside luxury cars, no no no, it has a massive, 700hp V12 under that huge bonnet (hood for you American readers) that I can imagine push it past 200mph, if they let it. Unfortunately, the gentlemans agreement has it limited to 155mph. Plus if they invested in giving it parts that would survive the kind of speeds that it could hit it would likely be even more expensive
The car can also calm down however, and function as a standard luxury car. With cruise control, and the ability to cut out 6 of the cylinders for economy, it can just as easily become as dead as everything else on the road, just with a fancier look to it
Whilst in my last review, I could do a lot with it, unfortunately Maxwell told us to “be gentle”
so if anyone asks, you never saw this image, got it?
Final Verdict
Maxwell are coming in swinging, they see the modern state of luxury cars and laugh, looking down on them like Principle Skinner, and mumble “pathetic”. 700hp in a luxury car, and the looks, jesus christ the looks. Unlike most luxury cars of today, it LOOKS up to date. Its simple, this car is amazing. Is it worth the 250K? I would definitely say so
In conclusion: Maxwell isn’t making “another” luxury car. They are making “the” luxury car that can haul your ass at fast speeds while still in the comfort of an interior that’s like a vacation home away from your home.
a review of the 2020 Radian C1 (by Peter Beamo)
the Review itself
ahhh Radian. The company that makes those average cars you see all around the states. They are your Taxis, your ubers, and now, your track rival. Radian have shook the world by revealing what can only be seen as a European answer to the Japanese sports cars. A V6, with two spoolies, making a highly respectable 370hp.
This is the brand new 3.0 MT, specifically a manual. Ripe from the factory with a feeling only a track racer would know. This car looks at home on the streets of the UK as much as it looks at home at the hands of a newbie on Lime Rock. It feels good too, its incredible responsiveness, combine it with its great tires and adaptive suspension, and we have a competitor for the Green Hell.
It isnt a minimalist sports car either, this thing is able to be dailyed so long as your wife doesn’t mind sharing a seat with the shopping. With an average MPG of 26, and no silly hybrid systems, it is surely going to become outdated some time in the near future, but I don’t think Radian care, after all, that’s what the CR-H is for after all
It looks modern, yet at the same time it also looks attractive, and not just that, but it also sounds attractive too. Something about a smooth Turbo’d V6 just hits different. Even the 4 cylinder version sounds like a rapid hatchback. Radian know a thing or two about going fast, after all the S5 has a lot of wins under its belt, and no doubt they are going to take this thing racing too
it also has a drift mode, somehow, so I expect the Formula drift people to eat this thing up
Final verdict
There is honestly not that much to say, the C1 is a quintessential sports car. Small engine, cheap price, fun to drive, Perfectly accessible for a 50 year old. The C1 is not much of a joke, even if it is no V8 muscle monster, or a mid engine track machine, the Twin Turbo V6 is more than capable of proving itself, and proves to be fast around Lime Rock with a 1.09.5 laptime (an area which supercars and high end sports cars are usually seen). Its controllable, fun, and easy on the eyes
In conclusion: its a great nippy little pocket rocket for people who cant afford a big expensive supercar
a review of the 2022 Renaulstrid 292GTS RO1 (by JM)
the Review itself
welp, its not gonna be denied. This car, is terrifying. It is not above 1000hp thank fuck, but it is so light that it might as well be. It is absolutely the fastest car I have ever driven, and the scariest. Its a V8, of course, and it is as fast as official track cars (of the 2000s shhhhh). It is a thoroughbred super, nay, hyper, nay, MEGAcar!
its styling is truly great too. The runalong taillights arent overdone, the skinny headlights are stylish, and everything just flows perfect. Even if the body is very bubbly, it looks up to date, and the wing, its honestly one of very few super high performance cars that have a suitable wing. It isnt just tacked on, it actually flows with the design really well.
Its highly effective at being stunning this car, even more effective is that engine however. Renaulstrid are tried and true with thier amazing cars, the 144 A, the RK211, all of it, its a brand that has never dissappointed. It is worthy of anyone who can get it
so how can you get it? Short answer, you cant. This is currently 1 of 12 292s on the road today, the reason? The factory they specifically dedicated to making the 292? Yeah it burnt down. F in the chat for thier wallets
Final verdict
yeah we couldnt get a hold of an RO1 for the final verdict scene, sue me
The 292s, they are a stunning series of cars. They looks stunning, sound stunning, they even FEEL stunning. Its just a shame that only 12 of them were made, and its likely they arent getting more out until 2023 if we are lucky. What else is there to say about it? Its literally the perfect hypercar, it proves that power isnt always the way to go. Even if it isnt the ballistic RO1, the standard 292GTS is able to scare most hypercars
A review of the 1971 Petra Lipa I V8 Dual Carb (by @voiddoesnotknow)
the Review itself
the Lipa is a wierd one here. It was originally some kinda half baked compact but nah Petra shoved a V8 into it for some reason. THIS is what we should be doing! We should be doing crazy shit for the sake of doing crazy shit! Shove a V8 into a compact! Woo! Lets get drunk and crazy!
Its a classic muscle car, of course that means there shall be NO CORNERING, ONLY POWER. Its Australia, which of course means its more for fun. Its a hoon monster with a big ass V8 that is specifically made for you to be laughing out of fear, or crying out of enjoyment. Maybe both. Best to order the brown interior
that rumble as you roll down the road in your sunglasses, casually pushing them down as you roll down the window and order a double bacon cheese burger with extra cheese, a side of large chips with sour cream dip, and a caramel latte. This car, its undoubtably australian
Due to what kind of car it is, its cheap, its still relatively practical too and can seat at least 4 normal sized adults, providing the two in the back are underweight women. Its also pretty nice to just look at generally, the design flows and doesnt create any major problems
Final verdict
Its a classic muscle car with personality. Not too small, not too big, not to quiet, not too loud. The only problem I have with it, is that it looks too modern. Normally, this is a good thing, but the lack of chrome on the bumpers specifically makes the car look less like a sporty muscle machine, and more like something your mum bought you for a sweet 16. It looks cheaper than it is essentially, and that is not a good thing. Its definitely a pretty penny nowadays thanks to Mr Oil Crisis.
A review of the 1982 Gavril Grand Marshall (by Natal2005/Ostan5000)
the Review itself
Its the 80s. You just want a car. The Grand Marshall, its a good deal for that. If you want anything else, no. The Grand Marshall is not good, at anything that isnt just being a car
yeah ok, its a classic. It is THE cop car. 80s films have never seen a star this famous. Point is tho, its a great cop car, cuz you literally cannot kill the bastard. Problem is, its about as comfortable as a moving park bench
It drinks like a deadbeat dad, and is probably owned by one. Its that kind of car some old boomer drives as he yells at some teenagers for going 30 in a 30 whilst he does 12.5 because of some light fog. Gotta get to Applebees in my shitty geezer car
I know its been said a million times, but Japan simply had it covered. Hirochi, Ibishu and other japanese brands were simply dominating the market with the Hirochi Chondria being released just two years later. In other words, this car birthed the Gavril Gellan which was fun, and the next gen of Grand Marshall was much more popular.
Final verdict
Old, yet not gold. Aged like fine milk. The Grand Marshall, more like Grand Mar-shall we ditch this pos and buy something japanese. Literally, the Grand Marshall was too utilitarian for the Market. It was just a cop car that had been resold as a street car. There is some half decent stuff about it. The V8 and RWD make it a good cheap muscle car, the indistructability makes it a good first car, especially since most are still running fine.
In Conclusion: it was outdated when it came out, 40 years later, it is even worse
A review of the 2019 Brio Sentre (by @ketchup66sorry mate but this car is perfect for roasting)
the Review itself
Its certainly one of the cars ever made. I mean, it works as a good first car. Small on the outside, big on the inside. It…ok thats where the good end WHAT THE FRESH KENTUCKY FRIED HELL IS THIS! It looks like someone facelifted some third world econobox then stretched it from the back! What are those wheels, why are they vanished inside the fenders!
I hate this thing, the only redeeming quality is that its RWD, thats it. But even then, isnt that just making it cost more? Isnt that ruining the exact market its aiming for? What even IS this thing aiming for! Its a Kei size car but its European!? Whats next, the next Gavril Barstow is an EV SUV?
Oh and what else, a fake sporty rear diffuser? Headlights bigger than my future? It looks pissed off and surprised at the same time, and I dont know if thats the point or not. This car confuses me and I dont want to be confused by a car, jesus christ im autistic, I get confused enough by basic shit as is now the cars doing it too!
Final verdict
This is gonna be short and sweet to be honest, its simply a bad car. Like even from a standard buyers perspective, there are so many better options. Why did you do this Brio, you make great stuff like the Freeze, and I used to OWN an XR56 for crying out loud! You used to be cool! This, this is not cool! I’d much rather go for the larger Omota or Ibishu options
as Chema said, this is kinda dead. however I HAVE A REASON! In the coming weeks I will be getting a PC upgrade, which means the pictures for the reviews (as well as my own experience) will likely improve! We arent dead yet, just in a coma I guess
