2016 Fruinia to Archana - Krongrad or Bust! (ON HOLD)

2016
SOMEWHERE IN ÖVERTORNEÅ KOMMUN, TORNE RIVER VALLEY, SWEDEN


ANDREAS: Where the f… did you get this goddamned Barbiemobile, and why? Just why?

JANNE: Why do you always have to ask so many strange questions? It was cheap and it was under 1200 cc.

A: 1200 damn cc? That’s barely enough for a leafblower!

J: Well, it is the limit for this Fruinia to Archana rally thing, so what did you expect me to do? Take the torch to cut away all cylinders except for one from my Deer and Hunt?

MARIE: It’s a goddamned Saarland. They have been sucky since they quit making the Kardinal.

A: Yes, and you can tell from the name InterCity that they are for f…ks sake made for city driving by the dumbfuck city nerds.

J: Trust me. Have I ever made a bad decision before?

A, M: Uhm…HOW ABOUT YES?

J: Well, stop your blabbering and start working on this car, we don’t have the time for this goddamned arguing about everything!

Some hours later it looked like this. Modifications include:

  • Hockey pucks under the springs to raise the suspension
  • Chubbier tyres and whitespoke wheels found on an Urabus Trab in the junkyard
  • Alternator killing amount of auxilliary lights
  • Bull bar welded under the influence of booze
  • Mirrors from a Hillstrom Limerock, nobody knows why but it seemed like a good idea at the moment
  • Roof rack
  • PVC pipe snorkel for absolutely no reason at all
  • An extra spare tyre
  • Bedliner sprayed with no effort at all over the factory Barbie pink
  • Stickers for 200 hp extra
  • Retarded timing for 91 octane fuel

TO BE CONTINUED…

5 Likes

“Weather report. The weather around Frunia will be sunny and clear for the next few days, and temperatures ranging from around 18 to 25°C. However, there is going to have some chance for short rain due to changing…”


3 days before race
11:30 AM
Team Safehouse, Atrilla, Frunia


Hana woke up from a sofa after a long night of working. She was a bit tired, and look kind of drunk with the messy hair and clothes. The other two went to a nearby store to by some equipment for the race while she was sleeping. Not long after, she got an text from the JMSI on her work phone.

“THE CAR’S HERE. CHECK YOUR GARAGE. SEE YOU IN THE RACE.”

Hana then went to the garage near their safehouse. The garage currently has the Urusla F5 parked, and of course the Hinata Luna as well. But not long after the other two came back from the safehouse, in a used Schumann van the gang bought for cheap.

F: “We’re back, with some stuff. And this van for some reason.”

H: “You bought a van?”

F: “Otherwise how we need to get low while buying stuff then? Ok, cut that shit off for now, we have bought a lot of things today. Mostly for the trip of course.”

Forzudo then opened the door of the van and unloaded some items with Chozo. Inside there is some kit, like jerry cans, repair kits, spares and some nonperishable food cans.

H: “Okay, that’s pretty nice. So, I’ve just got the news the car is here, but its not coming to the safehouse yet. But just let me get changedfirst as I don’t want to be seen like a maniac.”

After Hana took a bath and dressed herself, the team started the journey for taking the vehicle with the Schumann van.

The vehicle was located in an undisclosed location a distance away, to hide from [REDACTED]. With several hours of driving they arrived and the team had arrived at the location. Hana then found the location of the vehicle, which is on a disused garage, with the use of some tracker.

H:“Hah, there it is.”

She the opened the garage door and found the Hinata, which is the team’s ride for the challenge. However, she also saw some stuff mounted on the vehicle. Upon inspection, she saw some boxes. One of them contains some items for the mission, and there is some other stuff. With the inspection completed, the team started the car, and moved the car outside the garage.

But it was not long after some [REDACTED] men came and tried to attack them with guns. Of course, they are surrounded by them. The team decided to evade from this mess and drove the Hinata away, with no damage done to the car.

-TBC-

6 Likes

near Marena

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Part Two
Days before the race
A bit of a dispute regarding the vehicle And finding parts.


Matt walks back from the garage after looking for tools and stuff to put in the car if the car breaks down.
John: I think i have a concern about this car, Matt.
Matt: What is it?
John: The car might be slightly, uh. a bit big.
Matt: You’re the one who has a larger car!
John: No. Mine’s a 2.4 meter long car.
Jess: Ah fucking hell, do the two of you stop. I swear it was one of you who bought the car, Just cope already. If it makes it there, great.
Matt

They go to the junkyard into one car so they know what they’re looking for
5:15pm, Wednesday.


Jess: So, what are we looking for?
Matt: We are looking for engine parts for the car. He eyes upon the heaps of cool, mediocre, and shit looking cars in the junkyard in varying conditions
Jess: Ah okay. She looks around for engines for the car we need
John: It’s fair, aslong as we make it to Archana. Do we win a prize of some sort?
Matt: I am not sure. Im aware it’s a charity thing, ah we get a sticker to prove bragging rights on a car.
John: Seems good.
The trio spend 35 minutes looking for car parts, eventually finding the correct car their engine swap came from.
Matt: Is that all we have?
Jess: Yes? She looks at the plastic storage container realising there is no brakes
John: We could use some brakes.
They go grab some brakes off a random car that could be useful later in the race. These brakes might get too hot. Much like the occasional argument they have. The team get into the V12 Luxobarge and drive back to the garage.

5 Likes

Team FinGer Airway - Prologue
Finland, Valpperi, Outside of Lauri`s dads shed.

Former classmates and neighbours, Lauri and Valtteri are having a casual saturday, drinking beer and looking for a winter project car.

Valtteri: …Oooh this is a good one! Schnell L20 GLX AWD
Lauri: Let me have a look.
Valtteri: (gives phone to Lauri)
Lauri: …You moron, it’s write off! It has been in the ditch more times than Petteri! (local drunkard)
Valtteri: Then try to find something better on a budget, you haven’t suggested anything! Just drinking beer this past hour. Better watch out that you yourself don’t turn into Petteri!
Lauri: Well… actualy… I have found something, a Rautio Vaunu
Valtteri: Were those the shitboxes used by the post office?
Lauri: Exactly, the post office is selling their old cars for cheap.
Valtteri: Those were garbage, my moped parts were always late because it took them a weeks to get to Valpperi. Why would you possibly want that piece of shit?
Lauri: Give me a sec, (Puts on the rally trailer)
Valtteri: (Starts smiling) I like where this is going.
Lauri: Rules of the rally state that the car must be 1200cc and lower. So I am thinking of going to Turku tommorow, to check on that shitboxes condition. Are you in?
Valtteri: Ehh… why not, at least will buy myself some of the good beer while in the city.

… to be continued

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Team Shift Happens

Team Information and Story Start


40 Hours before the Rally, a hotel in Marena, Fruinia.

Malavera sat at the table in their shared hotel room, his 20 pound military laptop whirring quietly. Looking like something that was designed to fly drones, if only it had flight sticks, the camouflage-brown, green, and tan laptop proudly displayed a webpage where Malavera was busy downloading route maps, just in case they couldn’t get any signal out on the road, whether that signal was WiFi, GPS, or just plain old Satellite connectivity. As the printer in their room spat out page after page, it was Kaylie who spoke up first.

“You do know, Malavera, that it’s nearly $1 for 5 pages?” Kaylie asked.

“Well, yes, it would be nearly a dollar for five pages, if it wasn’t for the fact that I already hacked their account to bill the hotel for the pages I’m printing. By the time they notice,” Malavera replied, “we will be long gone.”

Kayden groaned. “I thought you promised, no hacking while on this trip.”

“And I told you I wouldn’t hack the other teams unless I had a good reason to. A hotel price-gouging us for using their laser printer is a great reason to hack their system. And I was nice about it, they’re paying themselves. I could have picked a random card number out of their recent transactions and put that in there instead. Someone did recently buy two bottles of vodka, they’d only notice after their hangover faded later,” Malavera replied.

Rukari chuckled. “Not to mess with those who walk in glass,” Rukari said with a smirk. Kaylie scowled and walked over to see what Rukari was up to, grabbing his phone and closing his internet app.

“No more internet for you today. I don’t want to even know what you just referenced. ‘Walking in glass’ my ass. You don’t need to encourage Mal to do this!” Kaylie grumbled.

Malavera chuckled grimly. “Let him, Kaylie. It’s a harmless reference anyway.” He finished printing up his route maps, organized the pages into a three-ring binder, and labeled it with a permanent marker.

Property of Team Shift Happens. Theft will result in bankruptcy!

Kayden sighed. “Why do I get the feeling Mal’s hacking is going to get us in trouble?”

“Will you still have that feeling if I get us out of trouble instead?” Malavera replied. “It’s a tool, much like the fighting knives we’re all carrying.”

“You hacked the hotel we’re staying in, though. That’s just asking for trouble,” Kaylie replied.

“We will be long-gone from here by time they find out,” Rukari said. “And if they find out too-soon, then I answer door, and much like getting Spots into room, they say it is okay anyway.”

“How did you convince the receptionist to allow a leopard in the hotel, anyway?” Kayden asked.

“I told her, ‘Is just small cat. Could bring big cat instead.’ Seemed to work,” Rukari said.

“What he’s left out, Kayden, is that he bribed her,” Malavera replied.

“With what? The humans don’t accept Galactic Credits yet,” Kaylie said.

Rukari smirked. “The humans are zarukii if they not know Gold of Fools when made into coin.”

“The word is ‘idiots,’ Rukari. Use English,” Malavera warned.

“Wait, he gave her a coin made out of fools’ gold? That’s damned clever,” Kayden said. “I guess being the son of an Empress did give him some negotiating skills.”

“This day is just getting worse and worse,” Kaylie groaned. “Mal’s hacking the hotel, Rukari’s passing counterfeit coins, what’s next?”

“Hey, Mal, think you could conjure up some free room service?” Kayden asked.

“Well, no. Someone has to pay for it. But… I have an idea,” Malavera replied. “It looks like someone just bought some room service themselves. Putting that number in for ours, change the room number to ours, and we’ll have steak for five in about 15 to 30 minutes.”

Spots looked up from his spot on one of the beds as he recognized the word ‘steak’ and gave a rather large yawn.

“He’s nearly a 200 pound lap-cat, Mal,” Kaylie said, eyeing the leopard warily.

7 Likes

Is Galactic credits the currency of their country?

Galactic Credits are used by most civilized space traveling races. The Panthiri and the Khalans both use Galactic Standard Credits. Rukari, however, comes from a society predating the adoption of the Credit. He does occasionally use them, but his people use the Vali as their default currency.

4 Likes

Do the teams buy food in advance and store it onboard, or do they buy it as they need it? Or do we get a choice of either?

(i.e. do we pay £250 for 100 days worth of food all at once, or £2.50 every consecutive day?)

Team Totes Cheery - #73

1973 Bakerfield Saunterer 998 DT - a dreadful Nash inspired convertible for cruising the aussie sun at minimum cost and maximum discomfort. Concours edition.



Another 998 DT, guaranteed to make Krongrad



Mods

-Twin carb w/performance air filter
-Advanced timing
-Richer fuel mix
-Muffler removal
-Manual locker
-3 individual seats from a '79 Bakerfield Acre
-Reinforced body panels to take the extra ancillaries (represented by extra safety quality)
-Raised suspension
-Front and rear skidplates
-Generic offroady stuff
-Luggage box
-De-chromed
-More lights
-CB radio
-Snorkel
-Speaker
-Lots of fuel

Crew

Angus Smith - 22 - Driver
Self proclaimed team captain. Passed his driving test 2 weeks before the challenge. Only crewmember with a license. Despises the car and all the mods done to it. Wanted an F&S Jikan but was overuled by Kerry because she paid for everything. Quite needy, people pleaser. Possible virgin. Pleaded to be the mechanic but was repeatedly told reading “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” did not count as competence.

Kerry Porterhouse - 20 - Nagivator
Self proclaimed team captain. Is the only one fronting cash. Blue haired. Spent a night in jail due to a “peaceful protest” against the use of cotton in bandages. Very wealthy family. Is the only one who likes the car. Extremely extroverted, open and neurotic. Claims to have lost their virginity in the front seat of a CADE SeXi. Has never read a map. Will be vlogging start to finish. Severely underestimates the demand of a Navigator.

Darren McManus - 17 - Mechanic
Self proclaimed team captain. Grew up on a farm doing a lot of mechanical work. Did all the modifications. Is suspiciously proud of the exhaust modification. Claims to have done a similar modification on his fathers Shidley Skidmore and it did 200mph+. Despises the car. Wanted a Hessenburg H100 Super Bus.

Reason for entering: They all work at the local fast food joint, Kerry wanted a holiday and the others want to bang her and she found them the most useful.

7 Likes

Team 722


This is a team, for sure. Definitely a team. Grandchild of a Carrera Panamericana winner, a “friend” of said grandchild who definitely has no idea what they are signing up for, and the third wheel who really doesn’t get what is happening. Their cars is stupid, and not something anyone should ever take on such an event. Who thought a tiny inline 3 and an engine in the back would make a good car. Morons. Shall we start with who is part of Team 722? I think that wouldn’t be a bad idea.


The Team Members

:uk: Zoey Stirling

Age: 28
Height: 178cm

Zoey is the Granddaughter of Louis Sterling, 1952 Carrera Panamericana winner. She is very proud of this point. She is not without accreditation, however. Like both her father and grandfather, she is a British Rally Champion, having taken out the championship in 2011. Her attempt to step up into the World Rally Championship hasn’t gone as well, so she decided in her “year off” to try and do something just as crazy as Grandfather Louis. Somewhat arrogant, and definitely mechanically minded, she is one who will do anything to bend rules to win, given her equipment isn’t completely dogshit. Which this car might be.

:de:/:uk: Laura Voss

Age: 27
Height: 190cm

Laura has no racing credentials. The only reason she is here is because she’s been dating Zoey for almost 7 years, and is fully willing to go along with her partner’s stupid ideas. She is pretty handy with a map, being a champion at regional Orienteering events, with some success in international competition. She is competitive to a point of aggression, but definitely notices when she’s going overboard, also not a big fan of cheating, but goes along with Zoey’s ideas because she loves her.

:india:/:uk: Isha Basra

Age: 27
Height: 160cm

Childhood friend of Zoey, one of the Mechanics on her old British Rally team, and otherwise lovely person, Isha is a highly overqualified mechanic for the shitbox that is being run by Team 722. She’s been put in charge of modifications and repairs. She’s kind and softspoken, but takes absolutely no shit despite her height. Also makes some killer food, thanks to some teaching from her mother.


The Shitbox!

:us: 1968 EAAC Hermes Mercurial A “Pound Sterling”

This was the stock car. Dogwater 40hp inline 3 base model. No idea how that thing sold. I don’t think the base model really ever did sell, come to think of it. I mean, we found one for nothing, and decided to repair it.

And this is our car, “Pound Sterling.” Isn’t she delightfully shit! We cut the bumper, mounted some spare front tyres like morons, found some aftermarket rally lights on ebay, and had a friend of Zoey’s fab up a roof rack because we are not fitting everything we need into the frunk. I have no idea where the seat came from. Isha made sure it runs on unleaded fuel, and raised up the stock suspension a bit so we don’t break something when we inevitably end up off the road.

We are so fucked. Don’t tell Zoey I said that. - Laura

ISHA NOTE: I think this might be some cheapo mexican spec? Never seen one of these in the states before. I thought these came with a flat six

7 Likes

there is a choice of either

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Part 1: Inspection

Finland, Turku, next day
Lauri and Valtteri arrive at the post office. They drive around the building and turn on to the parking lot, where the cars are for sale.

L: Wow!
V: …Yeah they are even worse than I remembered.
L: It looks like they have been driven by wannabe rally drivers like you.
V: Wow wow wow I was 5th in the regional rally once.
L: Out of 7, congrats on being better than a 13 year old and a grandpa who couldn’t see more than 2 meters in front of him.
V: Whatever
(A man in his 70s comes out from the backdoor of the post office)
Man: Glad to see the younger generation appreciating Finnish manufacturing quality, so which of these ones are you keen on?
L: Hello, we were just looking around
Man: Let me get the keys, that you can test drive them in the parking lot (Enters the building again)
L: Visually the middle one looks the best, will have to see how it drives.
V: They all look the same, like pieces of garbage.
L: Any better ideas? Plus I think the extra space will help to carry more equipment and spare parts.
V: Probably gonna need a lot of spare parts, might as well get two of these.
(The old man comes out again and hands the keys to the boys)
Man: Take them for a spin, but be gentle they are not the youngest anymore.
V: We see that.
L: (Hits Valtteri with elbow, and whispers angrily) Shut up you idiot!

  1. car
    (The car is struggling to start, after getting it started Lauri takes it for a spin) The clutch is slipping and there is a horrible rattling coming from the engine
  2. car
    (Starts more easily and overall in a better shape, after going around for the parking lot for a bit he stops by Valtteri) Overall better, but hard to get in 1st gear.
  3. car
    (Lauri gets in the car and try’s to start it, after some attempts it starts, but just as soon shuts down) Well this wont be it.

L: so what do you think let’s take the middle one?
V: Looks like the lesser of two evils, and we don’t have any other options really.
(Turns to the man from post office)
L: So what about the price?
Man: Well I heard from your colleague about the expedition you are having, so I guess I could knock it down a bit.
L: Ok Deal!
(Shake hands)

Here is their purchase



5 Likes

.

For the past several years,
the Gasmean Federal Government has suspected
there may be a presence of extraterrestrial entities
on our planet.

Intelligence efforts have finally confirmed the
likely location of these aliens to be
near the city of Marena, Frunia,
participating in a cross country race to
the Archanan city of Krongrad.

We do not know who these beings are,
nor what their purpose for being here is.
That is your mission to find out.

You have been planted undercover
as participants in this race,
and given aliases that our computers have calculated
to be the least likely to arouse any sort of suspicion.

Your mission: Find out who these aliens are,
why they are here,
and what they intend to do,
and report back with this information
to await further instructions.

Essay time

Note 1: All 5 team members are canonically voiced by Steve Blum.


The day before race start
10:30 exactly
race check-in area

The check-in tent was designed so that the racecar’s driver could pull up and speak to the official without having to leave their car, and this was indicated by a sign. In spite of this, when the blacked out van pulled up to the tent, all 5 occupants of the van got out (single file out of the front doors) and lined up slightly uncomfortably close to the receptionist. All of them were visually identical, as far as the receptionist could see, all wearing the same black suit, hat and sunglasses; and they all stood in exactly the same position, arranged in a half-circle so that all of them were equidistant from and towering over the receptionist.

Said receptionist, a bit taken aback, eventually started “…Hello-”

“We are racers. We are here for the race.”

The receptionist thought the one directly in front of her had said that, but wasn’t sure. “…ah, uh, okay then… so what team, did you register-”

“We are registered as ‘Team Milkvan’”

She checked her sheet. “…ehh- ah, here it is. So uh, what is your, names?”

“My name is John.”

“My name is John.”

“My name is John.”

“My name is John.”

“My name is Jill.”

To the receptionist’s surprise, this matched up perfectly with her sheet: Team Milkvan had 5 members whose names and profiles were completely identical, with the only discrepancy being that one member was listed as female. As she would find when she checked the computer later, they also matched the photographs on file perfectly; as if the photos had been taken during their conversation.

“Ah, okay… so who should I put as driver?”

(all 5 in unison) “I can drive.”

“ah… yes, but who is acting as driver-”

(all 5 in unison) “I can drive.”

“Well, yes, but one of you has to fill the role of driver, no?”

(pause)

(…)

(…)

(all 5 in unison) “I can drive.”

The receptionist rubbed her eyes a bit “So, what, you all want to be driver?”

(in unison) “…Yes.”

“Well, who is going to be navigator?”

(all 5 in unison) “I can navigate.”

“oh, so you’re all going to be driver and navigator?” The receptionist was starting to get a bit frustrated.

(in unison) “…Yes.”

“And, uh, mechanic too-”

(in unison) “I can mechanic.”

“…Is that even allowed?!” The receptionist knew the rules technically allowed members to share roles, but didn’t think that meant the teams could just forsake roles entirely. Considering how indistinguishable these 5 were, however, she figured trying to identify one for a specific role would be an exercise in futility, anyway. “Ok, sure. You are all driver, you are all mechanic, and all navigator, too. You can head in, put the car in tent, eh, eleven, and… good luck tomorrow.”

The men all filed back into their van, and drove off into the festival, paying close attention to all the other teams getting ready around them. Not long after they stopped in their pre-assigned preparation tent did they notice 2 entities looking at them from just outside the driver’s area:


“…¡Oi Paco, mira! Ese coche no tiene nada.” (Hey Paco, look! That car doesn’t have anything!)

Paco looked up from the rusty green hatchback they’d been studying to try and find what new car his little brother was now pointing at. “Ah sí, que esa furgoneta no tiene un baca encima. ¿Pero dónde van a guardar su comida y todo?” (huh, yeah that van doesn’t have a rack on top. Well where are they going to keep their food and stuff?)

“P-pues, a lo mejor, se van a cazar osos para comer. ¡Y dinosaurios!” (W-well, maybe they’ll hunt bears to eat. And dinosaurs!)

Paco chuckled “¿dinosaurios, eh? ¿Que se van a comer dinosaurios?” (Dinosaurs, eh? They’re gonna eat dinosaurs?)

“¡No, los dinosaurios son por hacer gas! Que dicen en clase que el gas se viene de dinosaurios.” (No, the dinosaurs are for making gas! They said in class that gas is made from dinosaurs.)

This deduction prompted Paco to laugh so hard, he did not notice the 2 figures beginning to approach them from the van. “¿Y-y donde van a encontrar los dinosaurios? ¿En Archana?” (A-and where are they going to find dinosaurs? In Archana?)

“¡Pues si!” His brother was laughing too at this point. “¡Que Archana esta muy lejos!” (Well Yeah! 'Cause Archana is very far away!)

John: “Name and Occupation.”

The voice came out so firmly, it cancelled Paco’s laughter immediately and replaced it with a brief scream. He looked up and found 2 identically dressed men on the other side of the fence, who seemed to tower over not just Paco, but the entire crowd of early spectators. “uh…que, uh-”

John: “Name and Occupation.”

“…uh, I am Paco, this is Javi. We want to look ahead at the cars in the race. …who are you?”

John: “…We are racers. We like to race.”

“ah, uh, so you drive the, uh…” He was pretty sure they were from the van, but he somehow got the impression that guessing correctly would offend these men. “…the brown one ove-?”

John: “Our racecar is the van. We are registered as ‘Team Milkvan.’”

At this point, many of the other spectators who’d come for an early look at the cars were now watching this confrontation instead, wearing a variety of reactions of their faces. Paco wanted to end this encounter as quickly as possible. “…uh, well, I am… excited to watch, the race…tomorrow.”

John: “…And we will be watching you.”

The 2 men, after a brief pause, began to return to their van, as Paco looked on; a bit scared, but mostly confused.

“¿P-pero de qué hablaban?” (Hey, what were they talking about?) Javi asked.

“…No se” (I don’t know) Paco responded quietly. After a moment, he pulled Javi away from the fence and began to leave.


Shortly after, one of the car inspectors arrived to look at the team’s eponymous van. The van itself was underwhelming; there wasn’t much that stood out about it. The only thing that made this entry even slightly interesting to verify was the slightly awkward, monotone, one-sentence responses the racers gave to every question.

“So then, you are team Milkvan?”

“We are racers. We are registered as ‘Team Milkvan.’”

“Why did you paint it all black?”

“Classified.”

“You don’t seem to have messed with the engine much…”

“Aftermarket engine modifications are known to cause malfunctions.”

“What are those antenna for?”

“Classified.”

“This van seems a bit underbudget…”

“Vans are generally not very extensively equipped, as they are utilitarian in nature.”

“Where’s the name ‘Milkvan’ come from? I mean, you guys don’t seem to be calling the car tha-”

“Classified.”

The monotony ended once he reached the interior, however, and found the van’s main quirk; everything behind the cramped front row of seats was sealed off by a metal wall and door.

“What is the door-”

“Classified.”

“…I do need to see behind the door-”

“Classified.”

“Then how do I know there’s enough seats for everyone? That there’s no banned spare parts-”

“Classified.”

“There is a checkbox on my checklist, that says I have looked at the interior and haven’t spotted anything wrong. Until I- and I specifically -have seen the entire interior, including all the compartments, I cannot check this box, and until I check this box, the car will not be able to race.”

“…”

“…”

“Enter.”

The racer unlocked the door (The mechanical movement of many metal parts could be heard), and moved out of the way to let her enter. Once inside the van, it took him a moment to consciously comprehend what he was looking at; There was a desk with more monitors on top than she could count, and a computer tower big enough to use as a stool. On the other wall, a wide selection of military grade firearms was being displayed. In the back, near a few seats, there were boxes full of all sorts of random supplies; ammunition, canned food, infrared film, spare shoes that were also cell phones, dynamite sticks, metal detectors, chemical testing kits of various kinds, cameras, cameras shaped like a variety of objects that aren’t cameras, megaphones, laser pointers- the list goes on, and he couldn’t even recognize most of the rest.

But once he was done looking at everything, he did realize something; none of what he saw actually broke any competition rules. Sure, none of it made sense for an offroad race, and a lot of it was probably outright illegal, but the race regulations themselves remained intact. And for that, he instinctively checked off the box. Just as he was about to express the potential legal problems with the build, however, one of the team members knocked him out with the butt of their pistol (turns out they were all carrying one).

Not long after, when no one was looking, the filled out clipboard was discretely placed on the race organizer’s table. 2 hours later, his bound and still-unconscious body was loaded into the trunk of a black, debadged Centara Armada and driven off. A random passerby saw this happen, so she too was knocked out, bound, and loaded into another Armada 1 hour later.


The night before the race, the agents sat in their base of operations (the back of the van), speaking with their chief on a restricted channel. They reported how a race official had to be sequestered due to their seeing of the inside of the van, and how the same had been done to another passerby. They also reported the various early spectators that had been looking at their van.

“If any of those spectators re-appear in the race tomorrow,” the chief instructed “they would become a strong suspect. Otherwise, it’s not likely they mean anything; our intel tells us that the targets are specifically contestants in the race.”

John: “Which of the racers are our most likely suspects?”

“All of them; With what we know, any team could be the aliens. Some are more suspicious than others, but we have nothing conclusive as to who it might be. That’s why you’re in play.”

John: “Can we review their information?”

“That was the next step, John. I will go over what we know about these individuals, pointing out any potential red flags we’ve identified. Keep this information in mind when observing and interacting with these suspects. John, put up the first of the photos I sent.”

The agent sitting in the chair worked the computer, as the 4 agents around him watched patiently; after a moment, a picture of 3 persons appeared on one of the monitors, with the one next to it showing information about the team. 3 other monitors dedicated themselves to showing information about one person each.

“This team,” began the Chief, “calls themselves ‘Team Dusk.’ It’s members, from left to right, are named David Yang Jun Hao, Shintaru Nanako, and Miguel la Paz Santiago. They gave no reason for entering the race.”

Jill: “The individual bios over there are very light; similar to what we see when dealing with foreign agents.”

“Good catch, Jill. We have very little information on their background, almost as if said information has been obfuscated. Even identifying their names was difficult; we had to use facial recognition software against 10-year-old records.”

John: “Why would someone with such an obfuscated identity be entering a public automobile race?”

“We know one group who would. Watch out for this team, see what you can find. Next slide, John.”

The team photograph was replaced with a photograph of 4 other individuals, as well as an animal; in turn, as many other monitors as necessary lit up with the team and individuals’ (and animal’s) info

“This is ‘Team Shift Happens,’ consisting of Kayden John Grayson, Kaylie Lynn Grayson, Rukari Khakrin-Veldrothan, and Malavera Caller-of-the-Moons. They have also brought a pet leopard, named ‘Spots.’ They mostly claimed to enter the race for fun, those some intend to use the prize money to assist in the development of alternative fuel for a ship of theirs.”

The spies studied the profiles and picture for a moment.

John: “I see no immediate red flags.”

“Nor do we, John. But remember, all the issues we are pointing out here are just conjecture. Any one of these teams really could be our targets. Next team.”

John advanced to the next team, this one consisting of 3 members.

“This group identifies as ‘Team 722,’ and it consists of Isha Basra, Laura Voss, and Zoey Stirling. They claim to be entering for fun.”

John: “One of the bios claims the person is the granddaughter of a famous racecar driver. That’s a pretty big claim.”

Jill: “Yet another appears to have no racing credentials whatsoever.”

“Indeed, their bios are pretty strange. But that’s not the only thing.”

John: “Their car makes no sense for an offroad race. Rear engined, horribly underpowered, and some of their rooftop supplies seem completely random.”

“Almost like they don’t understand how Earth cars work. Good catch, John. Keep an eye out for these. Let’s move on; Now this next team calls themselves ‘Team Hillbilly Rollers…’”

They continued into the night, looking for any oddity that could single out each team as their target. Tomorrow- and for the next 2 months -they’d have to descretely investigate all these groups to see who may be hiding extraterrestrial origins while simultaneously competing in the race, and keeping their own true intentions a secret.

Car Photos


(Edit: In case this helps others with lore writing, the van is a 1984 Centara CRL4. Note that its exterior badging has been removed)

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Team Shift Happens

Team Information and Story Start
Previous Post


Apologies, again, for the length.


The Day before the Rally, 8:30 AM, The Hotel

Kaylie watched in mild fascination as Rukari sat at the table, carefully pouring powder into a cylinder with six holes drilled into it. “Why are you skipping that one?” she asked, seeing Rukari deliberately skipping over one of the holes.

“Not wise to load all six,” Rukari replied, before forcing five cloth patches into the holes along with five rather large lead balls. “All loaded, good way to put holes in things that do much better without holes in them, yes?” Rukari added a bit of wax over the end of each bullet to seal it and reduce the risk of chain fires, then grabbed a box from his bag of supplies.

She watched as Rukari added five small brass caps to the five loaded holes, then reassembled the cylinder into the revolver it came from. “Isn’t there a faster way to do that?” she asked.

“No,” Rukari replied. “Not with this weapon.” He made sure the hammer was down on the empty chamber, tucked it into a holster, and then tucked that holster inside the waistband of his cargo pants. It wouldn’t be an easy draw like that, but he had at least practiced it.

Once Rukari had finished playing with black powder, it was Malavera who set two magazines on the table and a brick of .45 ACP hollow-point rounds, taking his time to load them. He put one in the Colt 1911 he had, though did not chamber a round, then tucked the second one into his shoulder holster before the pistol joined it. With his leather jacket over that, the holster vanished.

“Really? The two of you are carrying guns?” Kayden grumbled.

“And if we get attacked by bears, wouldn’t you feel better if we had these, or do you fancy your chances going toe-to-toe with a bear with a knife?” Malavera replied. “I know my limits, and if Samuel Colt made all men equal, then I will carry an equalizer.”

“Technically, Rukari’s is closer to that,” Kaylie quipped.

“If he’s comfortable with cap-and-ball percussion, I’m fine with that. I prefer the convenience of ten round magazines.”

“This pistol, I have used many years,” Rukari said.

“I think there’s a saying for that,” Kaylie said. “Something like, ‘Beware the man who only has one gun, for he surely knows how to use it.’ Could be wrong.”

“How do the two of you plan to get them past customs?” Kayden asked.

“Anyone thinks they’re going to pat me down,” Malavera said, “they’re going to have both arms broken. I suspect Rukari’s the same way.”

“Plus, we’re all carrying knives and tools anyway,” Kaylie added. “Plus, there’s always those bears Mal mentioned.”

Spots gave a quiet growl as he got up off of the bed, stretched out, and stood next to Malavera.

“Do any of you think they’re going to want to check our car with Spots around anyway?” Malavera said, scratching the big cat behind the ears briefly. “Now, hurry up and get dressed, we’ve go to get to the check-in.”


Marena, Fruinia, the race Check-in area, 11:41 AM

The scream of the pushrod I4 could be heard a quarter mile away as Rukari redlined first gear away from a stop sign, all 61 turbocharged horsepower being unleashed as the over-burdened Familystar lunged away from the intersection. There was the briefest bark of throttle, before another hard pull in second gear was heard. Then the car was seen in all of its ugly crimson-over-white-with-blue-hood glory, the engine outright howling as they approached the check-in tent. The brakes shrieked as the car was hauled to a stop, tools rattling in the tool box and crap clattering around in the trunk, the welding torch bouncing off of the roof just adding to the chaotic noise in the car.

Rukari reached for the window crank, trying first one way, then the other until the window squeaked and squealed all the way down. “We are Team Shift Happens,” Rukari said, and the receptionist, male this time, nodded.

“Names and positions, please?” he asked.

“Rukari Khakrin-Veldrothan, the Driver,” Rukari said.

“Malavera Caller-of-the-Moons, Navigator,” Malavera said, looking over with one head while the other checked out some of the other cars that were already there.

“Kaylie Grayson, and I’m the sorry bitch who has to keep putting this car back together,” Kaylie said, grinning as Malavera glared at her.

“So, the mechanic, right?” the man asked.

Kaylie sighed. “Yes, I’m the mechanic.”

“Kayden Grayson, the hopefully-unnecessary Field Medic.”

“I’m sorry, I have to ask, is that a leopard!?”

“Yes. That’s my cat, Spots,” Malavera answered, chuckling.

“Right. I’m putting you in Tent 12. Shouldn’t be too hard to find it, it’s next to the black van.”

Rukari nodded, rolled up the window, and promptly stalled the engine trying to set off. After a few seconds of cranking, the cranky carbureted and turbocharged I4 rasped to life again, Rukari dialed up about 2500 RPM, and dropped the clutch. The rear tires chirped and the car roared forward, straight to the rev limiter as Rukari kicked the pedals and worked the stick, double-clutching straight into second. Spots growled at the outburst of noise.

Then, at tent 12, Rukari faced another new challenge as he had to select reverse for the first time. There was a quiet growl from him as the car wouldn’t go into reverse at first, followed by a slight crunch and a bellowing roar from the engine as the straight-cut reverse gears wailed, the Familystar hurtling backwards faster than was necessary in such a small space. The brakes again shrieked as the car stopped, the engine was switched off, and the team waited for an inspector to arrive.

“So, you guys are Team Shift Happens, right?”

“Yeah,” Kayden said. “It’s written on the car.”

“Any reason for the… unique color scheme?”

“Yeah, we got the ugliest color combination Bricksley ever made, with Crimson-over-White, because the car was cheap. Then our wonderful navigator dropped his laptop on the hood and we had to get a junkyard replacement. Our driver went with him and picked this one because he liked the decals,” Kaylie replied.

After opening the hood, the inspector said, “Another stock entry. Any particular reasons?”

Kaylie held up her copy of “Carburetors for Dummies,” then said, “I’m the mechanic. I don’t want to be trying to figure out if it’s an engine flaw or if it’s something we did. Bad enough we swapped out the rear axle for one with a locking differential.”

“I see you have antennas and a speaker. What are they for?”

“Two CB radios,” Malavera said, “and a public address system in case we need to ask other racers for help. Or yell at other drivers. Or to trade playful insults,” he added, pointing out each of the radios and the switch for the PA system.

“Are you comfortable with the budget on this car? It seems fairly well modified.”

“Not really, but what’s done is done,” Kayden answered.

“So, ‘Shift Happens,’ there has to be a story behind the name, right?”

“I buy car with manual gearbox. I the only one who drive car with shift-stick,” Rukari replied.

“English isn’t his first language, is it?”

“No. I’d guess it’s his third or fourth, given how many languages he can swear in,” Malavera answered.

“You ripped out the parcel shelf? Why?”

“It’s easier to get into the trunk supplies for some of the things we need. Propane for our grill, camping gear in those boxes. Spare tires and gas in the trunk proper. Coolers for food and drinks.”

“Was about to ask about all the stuff on the racks. The trunk rack is just a gas grill?”

“Yeah. Believe it or not, the four of us eat a lot of meat. Spots eats most of his meals raw, though,” Kayden said.

“And ‘Spots’ is the cat, yes?”

“Correct,” Malavera replied.

“Can I see inside the trunk?”

“Rukari, pop the trunk,” Malavera said.

“Where is handle?” Rukari grumbled, looking around next to the seat. He pulled one and the fuel door opened. “That it?”

“No, that’s the gas door,” the inspector said, closing it for the team.

“That one, there,” Kaylie said, pointing over Rukari’s shoulder.

“I not see the skaduri handle, Kaylie!” Rukari yelled. Malavera slapped him over the back of the head in response for swearing in a language other than English. Rukari, in response, elbowed Malavera hard in the ribs.

Kaylie sighed, grabbed the keys from the ignition, and got out of the car. “I’m really sorry about this,” she said to the inspector. “Those two fight like brothers.” She unlocked the trunk and opened it, revealing several gas cans, four spare tires, and four beaten-up cardboard boxes containing tents and sleeping bags.

“It’s not a problem. Any reason for the welding cart on the roof?”

“Yeah, it’s called ‘being prepared for anything.’ You know how hard it is to find spare parts for a Bricksley out here?”

He paused for just a moment, then asked, “What’s with the uniforms? Black cargo pants, boots, gray shirts, and black leather jackets? Why?”

“Because we felt like looking like a proper semi-professional team, even though we’re anything but professional,” Kayden answered. “Why, are we the only team dressed the same?”

“No, we saw another team that did the same thing. Suits and ties, they stand out like a bunch of sore thumbs. Anyway, I see a car that’s passed inspection. I’ll go turn this paperwork in.”


The four team members and their cat wandered around, looking over all of the vehicles they could see. Malavera set up at a nearby picnic table with his laptop, deciding it was as good a time as any to play a late-90’s arcade racer. To no-one’s surprise, he was terrible at it, but he was having fun.

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NOTE: There is also a part of the story which might be too violent for the forum, and to avoid being banned that part will be set on this text file here. Don’t worry, the story is not crucial for the event, although its crucial for the plot.

“…Well, that’s all for now and in the next hour we will be talking about the current tense situation between Archana and Ariya, and the upcoming Frunia-Archana race which will happen tommorow! So stay tuned for more, and here’s…”

– Radio One Frunia


A day before race
6:30 AM
Team Safehouse, Atrilla, Frunia


The team went back to the table at the safehouse after Forzudo cooking breakfast for the team. Chozo, returning from the basement after the interrogation, is bringing some tools to inspect the car.

Meanwhile the other two was watching all the teams involved in the race.

H: “I can’t see any people from the [REDACTED] for now. But in other news, surprise, we have unconfirmed information about the involvement of the Gasmean intelligence on this event. Maybe it could have effect on our mission, perhaps?”

F: “I doubt they are after us. Gasmea is actually allied with both Ariya and El Camina so what’s the deal with them. But back to the topic, is [REDACTED] really not on the race? Or is there any other information about that? Maybe Chozo could have some answers but he’s still busy inspecting our car even after the interrogation.”

H: “We’ll see.”

Chozo came back from repairing the car.

C: “2 things: the first one is that the car is fine and dandy All the equipment and stuff we need for the mission is on the car, as usual. But the more important thing is that we have gotten information about the Archanan government, the [REDACTED] and the race. They are NOT going to the race.”

F: “The fuck? Is that a bad joke?”

Chozo then talked about the situations he told about the interrogation against a member of the [REDACTED].

F: “Ah. That makes sense. They are not going to join, but they will tasked with some people to stop us from finishing the event. Don’t worry tho, they wouldn’t know our plan.”

With the inspections and the other stuff finished the team starts their journey to the destination.

-PROLOGUE END-

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Team Good Things


Part one: the car

There will be bogans, you have been warned.

Crew details
  • Barry “Bazza” O’Brien: Driver. Old mate of the lot at the solid age of 42, he’s a country kid who grew up on a farm outside of Bathurst. Given where he grew up there it’s only natural he loves driving, although most of his love and experience comes from hooning around the farm instead of hooning around the mountain, however. Favourite beer: VB.
  • Darren “Dazza” McFarlane: Navigator. The baby of the group at 25, Dazza’s a relative city slicker, having grown up on a small farm just outside of Canberra. Got experience navigating from tearing around the tracks outside the city in the family’s clapped out old Brumby, and has even navigated in the Canberra rally a few times. Favourite beer: Carlton, but will happily have anything that isn’t XXXX or American
  • Macaulay “Macca” Slaton: Mechanic. Not too much older than Dazza at 27, but he still shits on him endlessly. Grew up in Bulahdelah helping his dad in his repair shop since he was a kid. Now owns the place, and will religiously swear that Australian cars are the best cars ever made. Has never worked on or driven anything not made in Australia. Favourite beer: XXXX

The lads all became fast mates a fair while back in IRC chats, and formed Team Good Things over “a few” beers a few years ago, after realising they were all shorter than average, and had an interest in small shitboxes and doing rallies/variety bashes.


Now watching: WE'RE MAKING A RALLY CAR!!!

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B: "G'day mates, Bazza here! I know we don't post much on this youtube thing outside of videos of us swearing at our bashers, but man have we got a fuckin' treat for you today."

B: "Today, we've entered into the 2016 Fruinia to Archana rally, and this fuckin' legend Dazza here has gotten us a car! No fuckin' clue what it is, but me and Macca here have given him three ground rules: it has to be small, it has to be shit, or at least funny, and, well it's less of a hard rule and more of a strong suggestion because Macca will have a dummy spit if it isn't, but it has to be 'Strayan too."

M: "Fuck yeah it does!! Best cars in the world!!"

B: "Yeah, yeah, fuckin' shut the fuck up already will ya mate? Gotta let Dazza show us the fucker before you go on another sheltered fuckin' rant"

D: "Yeah nah cheers mate, don't enjoy the thought of cutting all that shit yet again. Anyway, for the car I managed to find something that fits the bill fuckin' perfectly, and it comes in WAY under budget too. The rules for the rally give you a 15,000 pommie bastard pound limit, and when I looked at the exchange rate on last night's ABC news, it worked out at 12,700."

B: "Fuckin' mint."

D: "Absolutely. But anyway, I parked it outside and you should be able to see it through the blinds, so let's go blow your fuckin' socks off ay?"


B: “Mate, is that…”

D: “Just you wait.”

B: “Fuckin’ hell, that’s shit alright.”


M: “What the fuck.”

D: “Yup! An Aim Sparrow A Mk.III! The base 3 trim level, too! All the shitbox you could possibly want for a long and gruelling rally.”

B: “Fuckin’ oath mate, shit’s one way to put it. That fucker has a 1.2 litre 3 cylinder for fucks sake! It made, what, 47 kilowatts from the factory? It wouldn’t make it over a fuckin anthill with all three of us in it!”


D: “Yeah, but it’s light, fucker only weighs 719 kilos. And anyway, all the great explorers drove big fuckoff cars with piss all power, why wouldn’t we be able to make it in a tiny fuckoff car with piss all power?”

M: “…at least it’s Aussie.”

D: “Anyway, take it for a drive you old fart, you’ll fuckin’ love it I’m sure.”

B: “…Yeah alright, I guess.”


B: “Fuckin’ hell, that is kinda fun! Gutless, but still able to take some thrashing.”

D: “Fuckin’ told ya mate.”

B: “Anyway, let’s get this fucker into the garage and get to work, we’ve gotta make a proper basher out of this to show all the foreigners at the rally how this shit’s done, ay?”

D: “Fuck yeah! Let’s start up the tunes, and I even got us a couple of slabs of beer to get the creative juices flowing! I guess the next video will be up in a week or so, depends how long it takes me to edit this and any of Macca’s bullshit out.”

M: “Oi!”

D: “Anyway, see yous in the next one!”


Next part tomorrow when I'm not half asleep oh no

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Part 2: Pimp My Shitbox

Finland, Turku, In supermarkets parking lot.

Lauri: You go get some outdoor thing like tents, mats to sleep on, just see what you find. I will look for car parts and stuff.
Valtteri: Why do I have to do the boring stuff?
L: Because you will buy useless stuff for the car, like you did with your moped and car.
V: They were not useless. They looked cool.
L: No they didn’t and probably slowed you down because of the weight. So after an hour let’s meet back at the car?
V: Ok
(After an hour and 15 minutes)
V: (Loading his shopping in to the back of the Rautio) Where is he? (His phone starts ringing, it’s Lauri)
V: Where are you?
L: Drive it closer to the enterance, I have a lot of shit to carry.
V: Yeah, coming.
(Starts the Rautio and drives closer to the front door of supermarket)
L: Open the hatch!
V: On my way
L: (Starts unloading things he bought) Wow I am impressed by you, no unnecessary crap.
V: Yeah I ran out of money.
V: Is that a performance intake? And you said I was the moron.
L: Less air restriction means better fuel economy, and it wouldn’t hurt to get a bit more performance out of this engine.
L: Let’s see how big the refrigerator is you bought. (opens the portable refrigerator and sees that it’s full of beer) Now I know why you run out of money.
V: It’s essential, and you are gonna need it too, after those long days of upgrading the car.
L: I am not complaining.
V: So let’s go straight to your dads garage?
L: Yeah, doubt he will be happy, but we have no options.

(So they cued the music and set to work)

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Team Ecowareness (2)

Click for Part 1

“Found one! Actually quite nearby, even”, Olga Simkinova announced. She sat in the EnviroActive student club space at the University of Terso, in front of her open laptop.

Martin Krebs slowly got up from a nearby sofa and looked at her screen. “That’s it?”, he muttered, and looked around for Laura Insigne who - he could swear - had been in the space with them just a couple of minutes before.

Olga’s laptop showed a used car ad for a 2003 Mara Zorya in seemingly good condition, and for a quite reasonable price, given the cars age and ‘desirability’. “Raicanta”, Martin read. “That’s… east of Terso?”

“Si!” Laura had materialised next to Martin and Olga. “That’d be our ride?”, she asked.

“If we can afford it…”, Olga pointed towards the modest sum the private seller wanted.

Laura nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, we can use student club funds for this, I cleared it with the other club leaders. We’ll get great public awareness out of this, maybe even discover some environmental disasters along the way, and we can sell the thing again afterwards, right?”

On a whim, Laura looked at her phone and shrieked. “Yes! And sponsorship has come through, so we do not even have to do this all on student club funds! I had asked the Bank of Fruinia for some support since they seem to have embraced green investing, responsible banking et cetera recently, and it looks like they loved the idea! It’s not much, but it helps.”

“Nice!”, Olga exclaimed. “Do they want us to do something specifically?”

Laura shook her head. “Only a banner and such on my blog site. So you two can go check out the car. If it’s as nice and clean as it looks, we’ll take it. I’ll sort out payment, the blog and social media setup and a few other things until then.”

“What else should we prepare for the rally?” Martin asked.

Laura shrugged. “I thought it’s just going to be like an extended camping trip, like we do with the student club from time to time. We have the equipment all here, as you know. Would we need anything else?”

Olga and Martin exchanged glances. “Perhaps, yes”, Olga replied. “We’ll make a list.”

Martin silently recalled some of his hiking adventures in the Hetvesian mountains near his hometown and wondered whether city kid Laura fully appreciated what she had gotten them into…

And stay tuned for the final car in part 3…


So, TL;DR, this is the team (all images AI-generated, courtesy of https://thispersondoesnotexist.com):

KoB-Laura128
Laura Insigne (22) from Terso, Fruinia. Student of History and Communications at the University of Terso. One of the student leaders of the EnviroActive Student Club.
Roles: Blogger, Mastermind

KoB-Martin128
Martin Krebs (25) from Unter-Altdorf, Hetvesia. Student of Ecology and Conservation at the Unversity of Terso. Member of the EnviroActive Student Club.
Roles: Navigator, Relief driver, Logistics

KoB-Olga128
Olga Simkinova (23) from a small farm near Yelta, Archana. Student of Environmental Engineering at the University of Terso. Member of the EnviroActive Student Club.
Roles: Driver, Mechanic, Local (Archana)

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Part 3: A lucky encounter

Finland, Valpperi, Lauri’s dads garage
After 2 weeks of preparing the car is almost done

Valtteri: Janne just texted, our offroad stuff has arrived. (Janne: their friend working at the port)
Lauri: Ok let’s take my dads Schwarzburg Kursor. Let me get the keys.
(After the 40 minute drive, they arrive in Turku port)
V: There park by the container where Janne is standing.
L: (Parks and turns off the engine)
L: Hey
Janne: Yo
V: So open up the container, Lets see what the Germans sent us.
Janne: It’s in this crate (He steps aside and opens the crate with a crowbar)
L: The tool boxes look sturdy. (Turns to Valtteri) Come on let’s get the crate loaded in the van, will check it out at the garage.
L: (Gives money to Janne) Here you go, thanks again for the discount.
Janne: (Counting money) I will write of the 5€ you are missing on a beer in the bar.
L: Sorry we are tight on money now, because of the rally, so we will buy you a round of beer when we come back.
V: Let’s go we have to get to the store, for supplies.
L: Again thanks Janne (Shakes hands) see ya.
Janne: Good luck with the shitbox of yours.
L: let’s hope.
(They exit the industrial part of the port and drive past the passenger terminal. When Valtteri sees a girl with a folded out map)
V: Slow down! (opens window)
V: Terve tarvitsetko apua ohjeissa? (Hello need help with directions?)
Girl: (Looks over the map) Ssorry I don’t speak finnisch
L: He sed if yu need help wit directions.
Girl: Ooh thanks, I am just heading to de zupermarket.
V: Yu ar luky we are just heding to de sUpermarket, if yu vant we can take yu there.
Girl: My mama said to not get in to schtranger vans.
V: Do wee lok like pedos?
Girl: Akschualli you lok like virgins
V: (turns to Lauri) Näytänkö todella neitsyeltä (do I really look like a virgin)
L: Joo
Girl: Sorry?!
V: Noting, so yu ar not going vit us?
Girl: Ahhh why not, you don’t siim like that kind of peeple. (opens the side door of the van and gets in with her backpack and a suitcase) By de wey I am Martha, I come from Germany.
V: Nice to meeet yu, I am Valtteri and dis is Lauri.
L: Hey!
V: So vat brrings yu to Finnland?
Martha: I just finisched my studies, and wanted to trravel throu Europe.
L: Interesting ve too are prepairing to go on a trip.
Martha: Kool, where to?
L: From Fruinia to Archana, It’s a chariti ralli.
V: Actualli ve neeed someone who is good wit maps. And it looks like yu know how to use dem.
Martha: Soundz interesting. I guess I will have to extend my trip den.
L: Yu rrealy want to go?
Martha: Yeah why not, will expand my horazons. And I really like to praticipate in charitys.
V: Wow this alll is hapening so spontanios.
L: Just like it startid, spontanios over a beer, it continues spontanios.

(After they went to the supermarket they exchanged phone numbers and Martha stayed at a hotel, but promised to go to the garage tomorrow, to help with painting and upgraiding the car)

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