Take the bushes or dig a hole. Also, most of us haven’t have one either so you’d probably have to ask the locals.
@IDK158, does that mean peeing in a bottle or wetting the seat?
false alarm guys, Jacia has just watched an episode of top gear and knows what to do
1 Like
Correction made.
Team VSmgAB & Team Shift Happens
Prologue, Part 1
Prologue, Part 2
Prologue, Part 3
This post contains relevant info to everyone using campsite power.
March 31st, 2023, Shitbox Rally Starting Location, Nevada, 8:09 PM
With all participants now present, at least theoretically, Valentin once again shuffled through the stack of 31 contracts requesting power from the generator he was sat in. He felt somewhat bad, having to turn down one team’s third request due to lack of capacity. Nevertheless, he did not expect that each and every plug would actually be occupied come the start of the event. He got out of the car, turning down his nanites to select “Normal” mode to avoid coming across as overly agitated and or nervous once he would address the entirety of the starting area regarding power supply. By this time, it was already dark, but the lights that were set up earlier still provided ample visibility in the starting area.
With the loose stack of contracts in his hands and his phone in his pocket, he made his way over to Kaylie of Shift Happens:
“Hello there. Uhm… i may have failed to account for the need to gather the participants in order to hand over power supply equipment and such…” Valentin admitted rather sheepishly.
Kaylie smiled. “I can get everyone to gather up. If they can’t hear me over the music or conversations, well… I can make myself heard. If I make the announcement and people don’t respond, and you see me take a deep breath, cover your ears,” Kaylie admitted.
She walked over to the Home Unit, looking amusingly catlike as she crouched, then leaped up and caught the edge of the roof rack welded into the structure of the vehicle, pulling herself up onto the top of the metal slats over the fans.
Kaylie took a deep breath and yelled out, “Everyone, listen up! We need everyone who signed a power contract to come to the center of camp!”
When just a bit over half of the camp came over, Kaylie sighed. She took a deep breath, threw her head back a bit, then unleashed a full-and-proper tiger’s roar, echoing across the camp. “I said everyone!” Kaylie yelled a few moments later.
With Kaylie perched atop the Home Unit, it was very hard for Valentin to judge what she was doing up there. As such, he misjudged her actions and took her roar almost directly to the face, resulting in him curling up and covering his ears as best he could.
The attempt proved to be of little help, as he could be seen rubbing both ears in irritation after she was done rounding up participants via excess volume, complete with groans of discomfort.
“Oooowwww…” he moans, trying to reorient himself while noticing a distinct muffling to everything surrounding him acoustically.
“There go my eardrums…” he says, already speaking more loudly than usual.
Takaraya startled as Kaylie belted out a full-throated roar above his head, then stepped outside with a light grimace. As Val spoke up a bit louder than usual, Takaraya motioned to Val to speak a little quieter, then said, “You’re speaking louder than needed. Please try not to strain yourself.”
Kaylie, on the other hand, rasped out a quiet, “Sorry, Val. I’ve only ever done that once before, and it was by accident.”
“Goddamnit…” he mumbles quietly, in an attempt to not destroy his voice like Kaylie did his eardrums.
It took another long moment before Valentin had collected himself enough to actually start addressing the participants.
He then starts his public service announcement, Takaraya’s advice flying right out the window as he needed to make himself heard:
"This PSA only is relevant to the teams that have requested the use of power through the Valentin Schrant Mobil Generator AB. I shall now reiterate how the service will be provided as detailed in the contract.
At the end of each stage, i shall start the generator as soon as reasonably possible.
It being started will be announced by a blow of the whistle from the generator car.
Valentin then pauses a bit to elaborately point at Robert, stood in the middle of camp and idling away.
The generator will be ran continuously throughout the night until half an hour before departure the next morning. Any teams still plugged in by that time will be unplugged without further notice.
A 100m 400V, three phase extension cord and a 400V to 230V phase splitter will be provided by the VSmgAB for each registered plug.
The teams are responsible for transporting aforementioned equipment between locations during the day.
Lost or forgotten equipment will NOT be replaced and thus renders the affected plug number inoperable.
If anyone, either deliberately or accidentally, trips the plug-specific circuit breaker, they are to notify me directly if they want power supply to be restored.
Restoration of supply by anyone else is physically impossible due to the breaker panel being contained within the generator car, which will be locked unless access is required.
The same applies if the master circuit breaker is tripped, thus cutting supply to the entire camp, in which case restoration will take longer to accomplish due to more effort being needed to pinpoint the cause.
I shall now name each team and their respective pl… wait a minute… what the fuck? Please stand by…
Valentin pauses, looking around the crowd in front of him, spotting two cars within.
Realizing that they have no drivers and that they are moving about in ways very atypical for inanimate cars, he somewhat frantically shuffles through his stack of contracts, fishing out that of team Friendship! :D (@Edsel), which in turn is torn in two in front of everyone. He then pulls out his phone, frantically tapping around on it in an attempt to re-assign the now freed-up plugs to other teams he initially denied further capacity. He then pockets the phone and returns to the crowd, continuing as if nothing happened. At least he tried, but it was fairly obvious that he kept a close eye on what the two sentient cars were doing.
Due to no legal entity being present, the supply contract for 8 Kilowatts of power between the VSmgAB and Team
Friendship! :Dhas been voided.For the remaining teams, i shall name each of them by name and their respective plug numbers.
Each number corresponds to one extension cord and a three-phase splitter, to be fetched from the pile over there.
He then points to a neat stack of boxes near one of the green trailers, belonging to the military half of VSmgAB.
Valentin Schrant Mobil Generator AktieBolag! Numbers ONE, TWENTY-TWO and TWENTY-NINE.
Team Shift Happens! Numbers TWO, THREE and THIRTY.
Team M.A.D.! Number FOUR.
…
He then continues this pattern for the remaining teams as follows:
Teams and their Plug Numbers (in order of entry permission date; excluding those not drawing power at all)
- VSmgAB: #1; #22; #29
- Shift Happens: #2; #3; #30
- Team M.A.D: #4
- Team Sinesian Rejects: #5
- Team Not-So-Slow: #6; #23
- The Ambassadors: #7
- Team Mravolisnki-Chitco: #8; #24
- Team HETS: #9
- Team Flaming Gallahs: #10
- Team Sane Insanity: #12
- Faolan Industries: #13
- Team Taciturn: #14
- Team TrUnity: #15; #26; #11
- Team SpyKids: #16; #27
- Aeromad: #17
- Team Magdalena: #18
- Machinas Con Passione: #19; #28
- Basedworks: #20
- Team Gunship: #21
You may now collect the equipment in accordance to your allocated plug numbers. Any further inquiries are to be made at the generator car, where i shall be found shortly.
Thank you for you attention and have a nice evening ahead of Shitbox Rally 2023.
With the speech now over with, he turns back to Kaylie, still up on the Home Unit HD-GV.
“Thank you, i am going to get business rolling, i guess…” he calmly states before heading off towards Robert.
Once there, business went as usual as he helped the participants hook up their conumers to the “grid” as best he could.
OOC note:
The cable is about 80lbs (36KG) in weight and about the physical size of an automotive tire when coiled up.
The phase splitter box weights 20lbs (9KG) and is a little larger than a shoebox.
Kaylie smiled, then gave Valentin a thumbs up instead of trying to speak as he thanked her, as her throat was now quite sore after her “little” roar.
Takaraya, on the other hand, knocked on the door of the Carry All’s cab and told Kasiya, “Might want to get the Carry All plugged in. You’ve got a cable now.”
Kasiya got out of the cab, setting his notebook and pen on the bench seat before walking toward Val to collect the third cable.
Valentin did little regarding Kasiya getting the cable itself, since, all of the other teams were presumably doing the same, but did mention again that it was plug #30 where it belonged to.
Eventually, the camp, or more accurately those that wanted it, was powered up, made evident by a noticeable increase in load shown on the laptop screen acting as the ECU of the generator car.
He watches that panel for a while before concluding that everything was running as it should, at which point he left the car to do it’s thing, locked to avoid tampering.
Meanwhile at the military half of VSmgAB…
Not much was happening for them for most of the afternoon and early evening, until the roll call was made patently obvious by Kaylie, scaring the recruits.
“What. The. Fuck. Was. THAT!?”, Hans called out, looking in the general direction of the HD-GV home unit, followed by all the others, including Constantin and Norse.
“That is new…” Constantin said, “Let’s get over there. We are getting power, after all.”
The ‘speshul forces’ followed orders, their annoyance reignited by the fact that they HAD power but been unaware of it. Mary, however, seemed distracted.
“Giddy Up, Jacknabbit!”, Constantin repeated, prompting her to play catch-up with the remaining group.
Once there, Valentin’s speech started, which was of little interest to the recruits or Constantin. Mary, once again lost herself in different thoughts.
“That voice… hmmmmm…” she mumbled quietly, collecting an awkward stare from Jacques and William either side of him.
“You think she’s into him?” William whispered to Jacques across Mary, who was perfectly oblivious to them talking.
“Into who?” Jacques replied in confusion,
“Into Valentin. Look at her. She’s been practically staring at the guy for the past four hours, at least.”
“Everyone says that girls like tall, muscular men. Looks like she’s evidence number one.”
“You make a very solid point, hehe…”
By this time, the speech was over, they returned to their trailers, fetching the two additional cables on the way there.
Much to the dismay of Mary, who volunteered to get the power hooked up, Constantin elected to do that himself with aid from Valentin, as it was patently obvious that she did not listen to anything.
Regardless, the evening was nothing ‘speshul’ for the time being.
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Team Mravolinski-Chitco
Part 0.3: GREETINGS CYBORG and Feelings? Not so sure
GREETINGS CYBORG
After some rest, it was decided Pi is to be interacting with Shift Happens for getting potential camp-relevant info, by being lead of team by vote of literally everyone else.
She is also there to inform they arrived.
Granted, she is also only returning member, which was justification for being promoted into team leader.
Now ones that are aware will ask how is she supposed to talk to SH since she doesnt know English and rings will be shared next day
For ones not familiar with said rings:
These rings are made by hosts and have two functions, one being that they allow wearer to speak and understand language needed for convo.
They are supposed to allow everyone to understand locals in Nehmenweld, but do come useful for cases of likes of Pi as well.
More on them will be heard by Shift Happens during driver meeting.
As such following convo is in Serb, only language Pi knows by herself
-We made this as per request of Andrea.
-For me?
-Yes, so you can talk to hosts. Also would be able to provide some music: i had transfered data from Mrdja’s LG phone and there is lot of music and videos.
This goes on your hand and allows to switch between two modes, middle position is neither mode active. Andrea also has remote and can control this herself.
Try it in this one.
-Ok.
-Now, i hope you understand me even tho im talking in English now.
If so, head over to them now.
Since her excitement had shown she indeed understood, Chicota let her be.
Full of confidence, she searched for whoever will be unfortunate victim of confusion.
With that being said, Andrea had been looking in direction and had remote on stand by.
Anyway…
At this point, @Madrias and one or more of his characters will be relevant
-Ok, im excited to meet…
She is cut off and walking could be now heard, followed by different voice.
If you are interested in what voice and stuff, its this basically
-GREETINGS CYBORG
Pi was confused…
(Chainsaw sound time)
…wrong setting. She was fumbling for setting…
-Fuck you (this was transmitted through speakers and was Pi`s speech)
(More chainsaw time)
(turns towards our vehicles)
-Andrea, stop it.
Andrea couldnt contain her happiness about fact her idea worked.
Decided to let go of remote
-I REALLY hope its now set to translating what i have to say.
Kaylie looked up from the table as Pi approached, having some technical difficulties, courtesy of a prankster on their own team. She smiled, placing her chrome hand on the table and pulling their sign-up sheet over to her.
-In case it translated swearing, feel free to note it wasnt directed at you.
Either way, im Pi Chitco from Mravolinski-Chitco team and…
(Speaker was starting to say WHO ARE YOU… in unfamiliar voice, followed by:
IM IF PROTOTYPE LQ84I…voice in which that greeting from beggining was said
Pi had recognised this one and stopped it
Ofc yes, certain someone with remote had switched setting again)
-again, excuse me for moment…
Andrea, STOP IT FOR REAL!
Ok, so im here to say we arrived and to receive potential camp relevant info.
We need to know if our truck and car are at correct spot: truck is blue, has camper addon and is same as previous year and is there
(Using hand to indicate position)
Car is beside it
Kaylie responded:
"Well, Pi, it’s good to see you and your team are back. Good to know the truck is the same as last year, having it confirmed means it’s here under the “Once a Shitbox, Always a Shitbox” rule. The other vehicle, we’ll get Malavera to check over for tech inspection.
-We brought some radios with us this time and they are installed in them already
Have no idea if they are properly set for talking to you lot, but work for us.
We…tested them.
Used to be police ones, now they are ours.
Is there anything else we might need to know or something you might want to know regarding our team? I will answer as best as i could, but if stuff is too complicated and i dont know it, i will say so and direct you to someone that does know.
When Pi asked if there was anything else they may need to know, or anything she wanted to know, Kaylie smiled again.
“There will be a meeting later, regarding teams who have requested power, where all of the cables will be handed out. Rings will be passed around at the driver’s meeting along with some advice and some rules for this year’s trip. As for things I need to know, they’re right here,” Kaylie said, tapping a chrome finger on the entry form.
-I dont think i would be really needed atm at our team, so if i can help you lot…i would be free to do so.
Just would ofc need to announce im elsewhere to rest of group.
Otherwise im going to rejoin them.
“We’ve got a fair bit of help already,” Kaylie mentioned, motioning to Malavera, Kasiya, and Takaraya moving toward the two cars to do the tech inspections on them. “I know, Kasiya looks scarily close to a Dyre, but he’s not one, and he’s really a gentle giant. Strong as hell,” she said, watching as both Kasiya and Takaraya worked together to lift the vehicles off the ground one after the other so Malavera could have a look underneath, “but gentle.” As both cars were returned to the ground, Malavera gave Kaylie a thumbs up. “Looks like they’re both legal, so, have fun at the Shitbox Rally,” Kaylie said, shaking Pi’s hand with her natural one.
“Im not afraid of them, but would be concerned about well-being of my best friend.
Ironically the very fella that kinda gave me rough time at beginning of this convo
Seems it will be interesting to see how Amanda will react on them, seeing im pretty sure she is eyeing this team bcos they are…or well, you are, big and strong in general.
Basically only team that has kinda worthy members in her opinion”
That being said…" Pi continues while shaking her hand “i will indeed have lot of fun.”
With that, she returned back to team.
Fair bit of warning: there will be quite some sparring action in next part
DMs regarding this would have “First contact” in title
Granted, noone was actually hurt, but still…worth mentioning
Ah, not-a-weaklings approaching
Aint going to ping Madrias twice in same post, but this time we are talking big guns…literally
-This is…fine.
-I so far see some weaklings…oh boy, those guys over there seem to be very big and strong.
-They are, actually. Thats Shift Happens for you.
I have seen them on television when they attended some earlier 24h Clunkers challenge and saw them in person on previous year`s one.
You might think you are very strong and compared to most of our team, you likely are.
But i advise you to not go around and test pecking order in that department.
Observe what they do and how they do it and im sure you might be able to gauge their strength off that.
Considering they are also our hosts, that method is for better.
-Awww. But they dont seem to be doing some good stuff for estimating that.
-True. Tbh we are all on same side anyway, so fighting would be contraproductive.
Now if someone or somebody attacks the camp, thats different story…
I heard there were few fights last year, wouldnt mind that happening again.
-Considering im not skilled fighter and have very little experience with guns, im daring to hope other way around.
-I will protect you.
-With what? Bare hands? No offense, but you aint carrying weapon or armor.
-Not needed, i dealed with many bad guys before.
-Hmm, whos not to say that potential opponents wouldnt be like them (roughly waving his hand in equally rough direction of hosts) in physical prowess?
-Havent thought on that, but you make good point.
Hmm, i could potentially try to see if we can manage something.
-Speaking of which, you might find that out sooner than later.
Considering we used English, they prob heard us and decided to check who doubts in their physical strength.
And they decided to bring their finest in this regard, as in biggest and strongest
Indeed trio delegated to tech inspection was approaching
After they checked cars and confirmed they are legal, Malavera motioned to the two to set down the Saguaro T-REE, which they did with casual grace, then looked over to where the conversation about “physical prowess” had taken place.
“I mean, if you wanted a taste of fresh Nevadan sand, all you need to do is ask. I will warn you, though, the three of us come from a world with higher gravity. Takaraya makes Kaylie’s left arm look weak. I’m a lot of power in a relatively small package. Kasiya may be a bit of a pacifist, but he can fight,” Malavera quipped.
Kasiya sighed. “If you insist on antagonizing another team, Malavera, can we at least learn the names of the people we’re fighting?”
Takaraya crossed his arms, then said, “I’m not taking this any further than careful sparring. You won’t land a proper strike on me, but I also will not hit back.”
Malavera smirked. “I am Malavera Caller-of-the-Moons. These two are Takaraya Wintermoon and Kasiya Wintermoon respectively,” he said, motioning to Takaraya, then Kasiya. “You want a challenge, pick one.”
Mat wimped like a child in sight of these massive lads
-This isnt…my idea…pls dont hurt…
Amanda: Ignore the crybaby, i honestly started the talk.
And…i dont know who Kaylie is, so i dont think she would be useful reference.
Pi, that had returned from Kaylie:
Really, you NEEDED to startle the beasts. These are nothing like any opponernt you ever seen before.
-True, but i will not back down from fight i instigated.
As it would be rude not to introduce myself, im Amanda Mravolinski-Loojoephantom.
It really doesnt matter who i will be fighting.
Chicota: You really are extremely arrogant asshole.
-And will continue to do so to the end
Shall we continue?
Malavera smirked. “Out of interest for your safety, Amanda, I won’t put you up against Takaraya. Pi may remember from last year when I kicked their truck. Takaraya has robotic limbs that far surpass his natural strength. However, Kasiya is only a little smaller than a Dyre, which we faced last year. Kaylie,” he said, pointing to the white-furred tigress with a chrome left arm, “killed two of them last year. One with a wrench, and one with nothing more than that left hand of hers.”
Kasiya sighed, then pulled his shirt off and handed it to Malavera. “At least this way I won’t bleed on it,” he grumbled. “Now, Amanda, I will give you fair warning: I weigh 500 kilograms, and I am stronger than I look. I may normally hate fighting, but I agree to this only because this is a casual sparring match. So, what are the terms for victory?”
-I admitedly havent thought about how to determine victory.
Chicota: It doesnt really help that…i have no idea…
Mat: 500 kg…thats immense…
I guess you never faced someone quite that heavy
How you arent even afraid?
Amanda: I honestly did not faced someone of that size before in fight, but tbf i too happen to be stronger than i look.
Just…dont hurt each other badly…
I…cant watch…
Mat left scene
-I will throw first punch i guess, as its not good to prolong this any longer.
Amanda had thrown a punch.
It packed quite a bit to it, but, as was always the case with both her and Chicota, was very predictable
Kasiya decided to follow what he’d been taught a while ago, that it’s always better to dodge if you can, and only block if you can’t dodge, taking a quick step to his right. “You’re quick, I’ll grant that,” he admitted, before using his size to his advantage and sending a kick Amanda’s way, reducing the odds that she’d get the chance to hit him in the face for trying to punch at her height.…and dodging was good option and Amanda now knew that this isnt one of those idiots she is usually encountering.
Kick was dealt with fact she wasnt taught to same principles and received hit by said leg.
Apart from distance that was now tad bit greater as she was taken aback by it, there werent any further consequences.
“Being quick at 10% of mass isnt much to brag about…that being said, you arent exactly slow yourself…
And judging by kick, you are far from being weak”
Which was followed by running back up to black mountain of fur and trying to punch again from said running.
“I will admit, I’m pulling my strikes a bit. I’ve learned humans can be a bit fragile,” Kasiya replied. As Amanda ran toward him and made a running punch, Kasiya’s attempt to dodge still resulted in getting hit surprisingly hard. After a half-startled, half-pained yelp, his response to dealing with someone now fighting basically on his toes was a somewhat-clumsy attempt to drop a heavy fist into Amanda’s back.
Takaraya sighed. “Get some distance, Kasiya!” he called out. He then looked to Malavera and shook his head. “He does well when facing someone of similar size. Not so well when he’s up against someone just over half his height.”
“I put him in because he’s less likely to actually hurt her. You’d dodge until she’s tired, or land one hit and it’d be all over. I’d have to be concerned that I might swipe instead of punch. Kasiya, on the other hand, well… He knows humans are fragile.”
“Fully agreed, they are very fragile. You can very heavily hurt them using rather primitive weaponry like knifes or hammers.
I think only relevant experience was facing down 5 of them in some parking lot, as our usual human opponents attack in…actually very same manner i did so far.”
Chicota: I guess after we get back from event, you might have courage to go up against our very own Aydar Senior.
-That would be still too far fetched, i guess.
Kasiya definitely has solid fighting experience and i did learned fair bit already from him
Amanda decided to punch up again, but this time tried to get more approachable target, thus ending her move with prob roughest fist bump Kasiya had with someone based on Earth
Kasiya smiled, then said, “You’re tougher than expected. I was worried with the kick that I may have over-done it.” He then looked to Chicota and mentioned, “I don’t know who exactly “Aydar Senior” is, but I’m not much for fighting. Can I fight? Yes. But I prefer diplomacy over destruction. After all,” he said, lightly shaking his hand after the fist-bump, “I could almost lift your truck if I really wanted to.”
Takaraya chuckled. “He’s not joking, either. If he could get a grip and balance it, I see no reason why he wouldn’t be able to.”
Kasiya shook his head lightly, then, seeing an opportunity, somewhat returned the favor to Amanda with an almost-just-as-rough fist-bump of his own, followed by a polite bow ending the fight. “You do hit harder than I expected. Glad I don’t need to use a clutch or I’d be hating my job of driving in the morning,” Kasiya admitted.
-Well, im supposed to take punches and kicks easily…after all, my usual opponents use guns, rifles and stuff that would otherwise be considered tools but are used as weapons
-She is cyborg utilising my nanomachines…its quite a bit of a story and possibly very confusing one to boot.
Im pretty sure not even Fighting Mode would allow her to lift truck above her head, so…you are stronger.
And seems, smarter fighter.
Upon hearing comment on clutch, Amanda wasnt fully happy
-Thats not exactly nice to hear
-As was the case with challenging them to fight in first place, asshole.
Now your behaviour might put us in trouble.
Also maybe some apology would be in place.
-My behaviour would likely put only me in trouble and they will decide to hate me for that
Not that i will be surprized.
Being aware that you are an asshole means you gotta deal with fact you arent going to be liked or loved
Apology would be logically in place…tbf i kinda enjoyed this fair bit.
We will prob never get along in our view of world, Kasiya, but sure enough im not going to challenge your capabilities in this regard.
-I hope this will be last time too to challenge someone from other team
-Yes, i promise as such.
Also…in case we are about to task something that will endanger the camp…count on few of us joining battleground.
As for that Aydar Senior, he also prefers to stay on not using force, but is very much terrifying to potential opponents when he does resort to violence.
He is…not part of this team and i really dont think we will ever bring him around.
-We should let them go back to their vehicles and group.
(Refering to trio)
See you later, then.
Pi had decided to share the info she obtained from Kaylie with rest and team will continue staying around cars, doing nothing of particular mention
As for members of Shift Happens…
Kasiya gave a polite nod, accepting his shirt back from Malavera and pulling it back on. As the three of them walked back to their vehicles, it was clear that Kasiya wasn’t actually that injured as he was walking fine, though was, perhaps, a bit less graceful in climbing back into the truck cab to write a few notes about the team he’d just interacted with.
Feelings? Not so sure
Andrea had finished pranking her best friend as per plan and decided to move attention elsewhere.
She noticed Chicota was kinda busy looking in certain direction.
-What are you looking at?
-What?
-Im pretty sure you heard me right…
-I did, but i havent been looking at thing.
-I may happen to be aware. Just so you know, im still undecided on any feelings towards anyone…well, apart from my best friend over there (notioning at Pi).
And knowing your love history, i would advise you to do same
-Oh, you know my love history? Im not convinced.
-Really? How about you being able to do certain bed exercise all night?
With multiple partners, to boot.
Chicota was shocked at this surprizing, but correct statement
-How tf you know about that?
-Been asking around about my…lesser-known teammates.
-That isnt information many people know.
-Good thing A isnt considered as “people”, then.
-Oh…
-Im also aware where exactly you looked…and can ask the following in case you decide to pursue further than looking
Are you looking at person that is physically there, or at someone similar, but not present?
There is certainly going to be some difference between the two.
-You got incredibly wise…
-Had tad bit of time to work on that. Expecting of you to do the same.
I think you might need it…
Rest of the pack
-We are here and this time for real. Im excited.
-Dont get too excited dad, wouldnt be good for your health. But ye, looking forward to what this brings.
-“Dad” is really nice word. Hopefully someone would be able to call you as such soon.
-We…talked about it…probably several times. Yes, we are going in unknown territory with lot of potential in many things.
I really doubt that finding female would be one of those.
We arent going to stay anywhere for long time, moving on next day towards different place.
-Pi told as such?
-Yes.
Some sounds of sad old dog
-I honestly think that my ship has sailed long time ago. Would like to have offspring, but…at this age i can only provide so much.
I mean, how do you plan on attracting female dogs yourself? Fly her using piss jet?
Well you can try, but im sure you would bend in half if we load something as heavy as chihuahua on top of you.
-True…one can only hope.
I think best idea for now is to watch that group of cars going round and around
-Probably some competitors of ours in event.
As 14:47 neared in, it became obvious they were indeed fellow participants.
Chirping voice indicated that they mostly relied on navigation system, which was reasonable excuse
3 Likes
Team Taciturn, Ep. 3: Car!
14th March 2023, the town of Prince George, BC
After a trek of a couple of minutes through woodland, Cal and Curt arrived in Prince George, and with help from their pocket AI, made their way to the small, but surprisingly versatile row of used car dealers.
They approached the first lot with several used cars placed on a gravel forecourt, decorated with lots of colourful tinsel around the area.
The jovial owner approached them. Welcome, welcome, gents! You are looking for a new set of wheels, I guess?
Yes That was Curt.
Excellent, excellent. What price range do you have in mind?
500 Curt again.
The enthusiasm immediately faded from the salesman. Well… Then I am… sorry, folks. Perhaps you will have more luck somewhere else…
Cal and Curt exchanged a quick glance and then made their way to the next lot…
… where basically the same story played out. They did not have different luck on the third lot either, but they got a helpful hint from the rather gruff salesperson there. There is a gas station at the end of town on 5th, they sometimes sell old beater cars. Ask for Paul.
Cal and Curt nodded their thanks and indeed made their way to the gas station with helpful directions from their pocket AI.
Approaching the gas station on the outskirts of Prince George, they immediately saw a green station wagon and a white subcompact parked haphazardly in front of a closed garage door, and a person in overalls working on the white car.
Paul? This time Cal started.
A grey haired man disentangled himself from the white car’s engine bay and took a good look at Cal and Curt in their lumberjack shirt-and-jeans outfits. Yes? You are interested in one of these two?
Perhaps.
They don’t look like much, but they do run well. Just making sure it stays that way Paul points into the open engine bay of the white car.
Price?
Um, 750 for the white Seongu, very reliable. And 600 for the green Mara, a few minor niggles, but you can fix everything yourself. No electronics, you know, except the radio.
400. Curt pointed to the Mara and the rust on the bonnet.
Paul’s expression darkened. 550.
500.
Paul hesitated for two seconds. Deal. You got cash with you?
Cal wordlessly held the replicated 500 CAD$ up in the air.
Very nice, let me prepare the sales contract. Oh, what’s your name by the way?
Cal
Nice to meet you Paul frowned. You have a last name, too?
For a moment, Cal struggled to come up with a last name - not having thought about it before. However, he happened to look out at the street while taking to Paul, so he answered accordingly. Street
So, Cal Street and…? Paul looked at Curt.
Curt Curt happened to stand on the other side of Paul so he looked at the house with the gas station sales room and garage. House Curt added after a second of thought.
Paul squinted at Curt and Cal. Alright Cal Street and Curt House, come with me. And congratulations to your new 1992 Mara Irena 2.0 UR. She will start up right away, I promise…
5 Likes
Prologue
Team Information: Shitbox Rally 2023 - Entries Open! - #52 by TheYugo45GV
Prepare for Planetfall
Hidden from radar and the naked eye by a cloaking device, the shuttle began its descent to the surface, its powerful anti-grav thrusters keeping it from exceeding the already hypersonic speeds as it descended through the atmosphere. The cover of the predawn darkness also shielded their descent. Visible were the glowing speckles of golden light that came from Earth’s cities, where towards the east they faded as morning drew closer, the inevitable sunrise imminent.
While human aircraft were all around, dotting the skies, the shuttle itself was not much bigger than an IL-76 transport plane, plus, it was far more maneuverable than an airliner. Therefore the risk of a collision was extremely low, especially because the flight plan took them southeast of Las Vegas, over Lake Mead, nowhere near any aircraft.
By the time the shuttle landed, it was 7 AM, and the sun had barely risen above the horizon to the east. Mountains surrounded them on all sides, and the cold of the early morning created a low dense fog over the valley. They were basically in the middle of nowhere, and according to a navigation software called “Google Maps” the coordinates of the camp were about an hour east of their position. They were also in California, the state next to Nevada.
Because it would be hours before the camp would even be set up, they had decided to get comfortable and set up camp. The shuttle slowly lifted into the sky, its cloaking device turning it invisible again, as it rose higher before it became a distant roar that faded into the background. The occupants of the two vehicles had set up a rudimentary campsite, and were milling about as the shuttle left them behind.
“Will they come back for us?” Landon asked, craning his neck to see roughly where the craft had gone.
Karl joined him around the front of the Mayland, setting a leather jacket on the hood of the car. “When I call them.”
His friend continued, “I guess this is the point of no return then.”
“I suppose.”
“You sure they won’t leave us behind?”
“Very sure,” Karl continued, donning the leather biker jacket. “They wouldn’t dare.”
“I wasn’t worried anyway. I’m just considering all the possibilities. Such is life as a strategic officer.”
Meanwhile, the twins and Denali were poring over an old map of Nehmenweld Karl had brought.
Amell was, or at least trying, to provide light with his battery operated headlamp, while Aryton tried to make sense of what was north and what was south.
“I honestly don’t get why north and south are inverted.” Aryton complained. “It just makes no sense.”
“Well, I’m guessing the cup, from what Karl told us, is located somewhere here.” Denali pointed out a large darkened section of rainforest on the north section of the map. “There’s a road and a stretch of railway track that goes through on the south over here, but it’s mostly just dense forest.”
“He said the cup is in some long abandoned temple, which could be anywhere in that 1500 kilometer area, and this map is probably five thousand years old,” Aryton interjected. “There’s no chance we’ll find it, even if there is a ‘crystal to guide our way’.”
Watching his twin nephews, Landon sighed. They had a long journey ahead of them, and they would face many dangers along the way. All were armed to the teeth, and Landon had brought a shitload of guns amongst the sidearms they had. The general had to admit, he was feeling rather intimidated by the situation he faced, and brimming with excitement at the thought of meeting new people, though he did not let his face show it. In all honesty, he seemed skeptical of the trip at first, but being here with Karl, his best friend, and his brother’s two sons and a future family member, it was starting to seem this would be a very fun ordeal indeed. Plus it would be rewarding, for all of them.
Still, he hoped, all hell would not break loose, because at the end of the day, they were all in this together. But, for now at least, they had several hours to kill before they took off for the starting line, and since the email stated not to arrive before 1pm, it was probably wise to wait and rest up a bit before setting off.
Till Next Time
4 Likes
The Shitbox Rally Email
Notes: This is the email that would have been sent out between October 13, 2022 and November 1, 2022. Is it important? Only for character development. “Glass_Walker” refers to Malavera, and is one of his many personal email addresses. Yes, I used the .car format as an email address tag, because I could and because I didn’t want anyone with an actual email like that getting hammered with spam.
From: Glass_Walker@Automation.car
Welcome, friends and strangers, to another round of chaos. Many of you will remember last year’s event, when we drove over 5,600 miles through Crugandr during the middle of their summer. Some of you might not have been there, but have heard about this event and have been wondering how to get in on the next one.
Well, this is your chance. We’re hosting the Second Annual Shitbox Rally, Shitbox Rally 2023. Like the last time, we have a lovely little location out in the middle of the Mojave Desert, located at the attached GPS coordinates. This time, our scouts have found us a glorious run across the land of Nehmenweld, a huge continent in the world of Aetherii. We will, according to them, experience brutal cold and extreme heat at the opposite ends of the challenge. Likewise, we must be prepared for danger. Last year, our camp was attacked by Dyre, which, for those of you who do not know, are 11 foot tall werewolves. We don’t know what hazards await us this time, but it says a lot that our scouts are both carrying .50 caliber pistols, among other weapons.
So, how do you get in this time? Show up at our location with a shitbox that cost you less than $2,000, or the closest equivalent in your nation’s currency. Unlike the last time, however, all teams may bring up to two vehicles with them.
Like before, you’ll need some basic survival skills. Make sure someone can read a map and a compass. There’s no internet, no cell service, no satellites, no GPS out there. Make sure someone knows how to start fires. Make sure someone knows how to cook food, or make sure you bring food that doesn’t require cooking. Bring cold weather gear and hot weather gear, and clothing for in between. Bring all of the manuals you think you might need to repair your vehicle, or vehicles, out there, and all the tools you think you’ll need as well.
Remember, we leave only our footprints and our tire tracks behind, so have some place to put broken or spare parts, and clean up your own garbage.
If you’re interested in joining us, be at the included coordinates by March 31, 2023, between 1300 (1 PM local time) and 2000 (8 PM local time) or you’ll miss tech inspection. If you interrupt my driver’s meeting on April 1, 2023, at 1000 (10 AM local time), I will personally make sure you do push-ups through the whole thing until you throw up. We leave for Nehmenweld on April 1, 2023 at 1200 (12 PM local time). If you arrive late, you will miss the rally.
Your friends and competitors,
Team Shift Happens.
4 Likes
Sometime during sunset, an airplane was heard approaching the camp. Or at least it sounded that way. As the roar of the engine grew louder, a large truck approached and entered the camp. It was about the size of a semi truck and appeared to be from the late 1930s. The hulking beast slowly rolled into the camp, towing a roadkill-esque muscle car from a home-built crane arm welded to the frame where part of the bed was cut off.
The vehicular duo rolled cautiously through the camp, the truck lurching to the left with seemingly any throttle input, as if it was trying to flip itself over. After finding a place to park, the engine shut off and the driver’s door opened, replacing one loud noise with another as heavy metal was blasting from inside.
The first one out was the driver. A fairly tall, lean-fit, blond man in a worn, dated flight suit. He scanned his surroundings, then turned back to the open door. “So, is this the place?” he asks, with a noticeable accent that resembled German.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure.” answers a girl who pokes her head out, then turns back to the truck. “This it, Leo?” she asks someone inside, who answers but is unheard.
“Yeah, this is it.” she says, finally hopping out of the truck. She stands slightly taller than the man next to her, and has very long black hair with purple tips. Her outfit is also as similar to his as much as it is diffrent, being a leather motorcycle jacket over a croptop coupled with a red plaid skirt and heeled knee-high boots.
“So, what is this anyway? You two have been awful secretive about this…” he remarks suspiciously to the girl, who has already started walking off.
“Everyone else here for the race too? I’m Jenny and we’re Aeromad!” she exclaims.
The man rolls his eyes and heads toward the back of the truck to start lowering the car.
5 Likes
MCP’s Shitbox Adventures, Take 2: The Tale of Giacomo Scarfiotti
March 10th, 2022
Residence of Alessio Sarfiotti.
The two men stared at each other, Alessio still clutching his Red Ryder BB Gun, the importance of a “Shitbox adventure”, as Giacomo had put it, being lost on the elder statesman. “A… shitbox… adventure? Giacomo, please tell me this isn’t going to be another one of your farfetched schemes that drags everyone through months of pain and suffering, ending with everything going to shit 5 seconds in and everyone regretting listening to a word you say.” Giacomo scoffed at this heinous accusation. “What?! No! Of course not! When have I ever-” Alessio shot him a glare, yet again piercing clean through his target, as Giacomo quickly faltered, though was impressed at his father’s ability to perfectly describe MCP’s experience in last years shitbox rally without having actually been there. How could he have known?!
“You know, it’s actually a bit impressive how you’re still knee deep in your shenanigans. I was hoping you’d grow out of it at first, but I stopped hoping after you tried to convince me to turn that shitbox “supercar” of yours into a le mans winner back in the 90s.” Alessio scoffed, remembering the disaster that MCP’s first car, created during the Supercar boom and dubbed the “Giacattolo”, sold around 5 of it’s 100 examples and was then entered into the GT2 class, a fine example of Giacomo’s ineptitude, yet also of his ability to seemingly move mountains despite it, even if the results were less than stellar. Giacomo, as usual, took offense to this. “Hey, I’ll have you know, 23RD! Is a perfectly respectable result.” Alessio lowered his sunglasses, meeting Giacomo’s eyes with his own. “Is it though? Is it really?” It actually was, considering the ramshackle nature of the wedge shaped brick on wheels, but Alessio couldn’t risk missing an opportunity to twist the knife juuust a little bit.
“Yes! It is!” Giacomo put on a defiant facade, but his father’s doubt, even if in jest, cut him just a bit. Alessio brought the conversation back to the topic at hand. “Alright, so… Whatever this shitbox adventure of yours is, You can handle setup. Just don’t drag me along. I’ve got targets to shoot.” Giacomo immediately stood at attention, mood shifting on the turn of a dime. “Sir! Yes Sir! I’ll assemble the crew right away!” And before Alessio could shoo him off, he sprinted to his room.
March 11th, 2023.
Alessio Scarfiotti’s guest room.
Giacomo’s laptop.
Though last year’s Shitbox Rally was a mild disaster, Giacomo had managed to keep in contact with most of the MCP members, though they hesitated to pick up whenever Giacomo called them, particularly when he did so at 3 AM on a race day. After lazing around and not actually making any effort into teambuilding, Giacomo booted up his state of the art gaming laptop, and opened up his Gmail to a hellish chorus of whirring fans pushed beyond their mortal limit, courtesy of the 597 tabs Giacomo had opened in the background. Giacomo’s mouse jittered and choked on it’s way to his inbox, revealing a bevy of spam emails which only put his computer under that much more stress. Slowly dragging his mouse to the compose button, he went about contacting the members of his band of merry men from the year prior. First on the list, Benjamin and Maria. As usual of international criminals, the two work together under various aliases and pseudonyms, and I’m sure you, the reader, can imagine Giacomo’s surprise upon learning that the name “Ben Dover” is not a real name that an actual person would be born with, not without being made fun of their entire lives at least. As such, at the conclusion of the rally, Giacomo found that Benjamin and Maria had hitched an Uber within seconds of the camp arriving, and after carjacking the poor driver, peeled away into the sunset, leaving Giacomo with a crumpled paper in one hand and Benjamin’s “Doctors log” in the other. The paper provided a list of 50 emails to contact the good doctor at if his services should be required again. Giacomo had actually hand written 50 different emails to each account earlier in the day, and had yet to hear a response. Upon preparing to restart the cycle again, a notification rang, alerting him of a new email:
Well, shit.
Further emails yielded no response, effectively ruling out the return of the doctor and his assistant. Why anyone would wait a year just to make a corny joke, we may never know. Perhaps it was his way to get back at Giacomo after spiting him, though stealing every dime he had while he slept was probably payback enough, wasn’t it? Oh well. Time to call Thibault.
The following is the extremely detailed and precise transcript of the phone call between Thibault and Giacomo, a phone call so important, that mere words cannot convey the consequences to MCP, let alone the shitbox rally and very possibly the WORLD ITSELF, if Giacomo screws this call up. Without further ado, with fingers crossed, lets hope our protagonist can successfully coax former World Rally Championship driver Thibault Prosper to join his shitbox rally for the second year running.
Ring Ring
TP: “Oh, hey Giacomo, what’s up?”
GS: “It’s time.”
TP: “Okay. Goodbye.”
BEEEEEEP
Oh. Maybe that was a good “Okay. Goodbye.” Giacomo tries to call him once more, only to receive a message that his number has been blocked. That’s 3 for 3 on nos, it’d seem. Giacomo fiddled with his thumbs for a bit, spinning around in his chair while contemplating his next steps. After a few moments of wasting time, Giacomo returned to his computer, yet to falter in his ambition to recruit at least ONE original member to MCP. After violently slamming his laptop a few times to speed it up, quickly composed another email, this time directed at Chad. As he began typing, however, another notification popped up on his email, seemingly forwarded to him from Chad himself, as if he knew that Giacomo was thinking of him in that very moment.
“Can’t do rally. I’m staying at my grandmas house for a week to volunteer at the homeless shelter, then we’re going to be baking cookies for orphans while sending relief packages to Ukraine. Then we’re gonna invite the worlds dictators to have a light conversation where I punch them all until they stop being dictators. Maybe next time. Sorry. You can use my shop in the meantime, though. The keys are behind your ear. Chad OUT” Lo and behold, Giacomo checked behind his ear, and lo and behold, the keys to a dusty garage in Nevada were revealed to him. At least, after minutes of trifling, he had found a base for this years rally.
MCP’s Shitbox Adventures, Take 2: The Tale of Giacomo Scarfiotti - FIN
8 Likes
Team Faolan Industries
Discord Prologue
Oct 24, 2022
Team Members
Ze’ev Wulfrith
- Age: 26
- Height: 5 ft 8 in (171 cm)
- 225 lbs
- Auburn, waist length hair
- Storm blue eyes
- Fashion Designer
- Libra
Ze’ev Wulfrith, also known as Z to his friends, is a fashion designer by trade. He currently works at one of the more well known fashion companies in the midwest while also managing his own tailoring and boutique commissions on the side. This is where the team name comes from. He has some rather eclectic tastes and is more than willing to put in the effort and time to make unusual choices work. He’s relatively introverted, but get him on one of his preferred topics he’ll talk your ear off. Hearing about a decent amount of the teams has him very excited for this trip. Hearing about some of the armaments that the other teams are bringing, as well as some of the possible dangers of the world they’re headed to, Z has decided bring a pepperbox style pistol, silenced P90, silenced sniper rifle, and his preferred weapon of choice, a zweihander that is almost as tall as he is. Hopefully he doesn’t have to use any of them, but it’s nice to be prepared. X3
Storm Breedlove
- Age: 25
- Height: 6 ft 2 in (187 cm)
- 210 lbs
- Light blonde, shoulder length hair
- Blue hazel eyes
- Auto mechanic
- Scorpio
Storm breedlove is the co-owner of a auto repair and restoration shop in the pacific northwest. He’s a bit more outgoing than Z, but falls squarely into the aloof, silent cool guy stereotype most of the time. He’s a massive dnd nerd and isn’t afraid to just brutally murder someone in his favorite games. Storm is the more mechanically inclined of the two, with a good amount of practical engineering knowledge and an eye for craftsmanship. He has a bit of military experience, despite being discharged for injuries he had prior to enlisting. Storm is fiercely loyal to Z, who brings out his golden retriever energy, due to them bonding so deeply at a young age. His weapons loadout is a pair of more modern pistols and fairly ornate long bow he uses for hunting. He’s also pretty excited about this adventure, but is also glad that it’s an excuse to escape the daily grind and be reunited with his favorite person for close to a month.
Cars
1938 Aether 11/2 Vitesse
Rescued from a barn in northeastern Michigan, this late '30s Aether 11/2 has been lovingly brought back to life by Z. While not rusty by any means, the completely aluminium body was heavily pitted and worn from being neglected for nearly 50 years. The interior was completely mouse and moth eaten, and had extensive mold damage. However, Z used his sewing and archival skills to restore and remake the whole interior from pics of similar era Aethers. He decided on a celestial blue exterior and light blue and charcoal interior, dying some of the materials to match to give the 11/2 the level of grandeur it had when it was new.
While the body and interior were being labored over by Z, Storm was taking care of the unique mechanicals of this particular 11/2 Vitesse. The 5.5 L aluminium straight 8 wasn’t seized up when they found it, but it had been converted over coal gas Gazogene intake system. This meant Storm had to recalibrate everything in the engine to get it to run on the prerequisite low quality gas, as well as make a custom intake that would allow the car to be run on either fuel source with a minimum amount of fiddling. He was able to preserve the 290 hp the engine made originally, keeping the lightweight 11/2 Vitesse’s incredible top speed and acceleration intact. At Z’s behest, he also documented and duplicated as much of the engine as he could in his machine shop, sending out for the parts he couldn’t make. This meant there would be a full backup engine for this art deco beast on their journey across Nehmenweld, as well as blueprints for replacement parts to be forged in case of a catastrophic failure.
The 1938 Aether 11/2 Vitesse will be helmed by Ze’ev for the majority of the rally, given his talent at driving much larger cars.
1938 Aether 11/2 Vitesse
- 5.5 L i8
- longitudinal AWD
- 290 HP
- 363 Ft/Lb Torque
- 5.59 s 0-60
- 167 mph top speed
1984 Aether 52 H
The support car for Faolan industries was also an acquisition through negligence. The owner of this odd piece of imported military equipment defaulted on their restoration and conversion payments, leaving it in limbo at the auto restoration shop Storm is co-owner of. Storm snapped it up quickly, as it was a prime candidate for their mobile accommodations during the rally (He also enjoys how quirky they are). The 52 H didn’t take too much effort to finish the conversion, since the harder parts like insulation and climate control had already been finished. Borrowing techniques from '50s prefab houses, sheet metal cabinets and other interior structures were riveted to the aluminum superstructure of the van. The engine of the 52 H is much more bullet proof that that of the 11/2, as well as being much easier to find a duplicate to haul along with them. The manual locking AWD system, while designed to be as rugged as possible, has similar idiosyncrasies to the 11/2, with both cars using Aether’s unique hydropneumatic suspension; easy to adjust, but very prone to leakage if not properly maintained.
The 1984 Aether 52 H will be helmed by Storm for the majority of the rally,
1984 Aether 52 H
- 2.5 L i6
- longitudinal AWD
- 144 HP
- 146 Ft/Lb Torque
- 7.99 s 0-60
- 125 mph top speed
11 Likes
its 2pm on the dot. The inherent quietness of people chatting is interrupted by the sound of an RLA 6.2 V8. Anyone with a brain would be thinking “oh god, a Helron”
But no, when they look, they see two purple cars, caked with stickers, two toned with black and an offset white stripe. Then they hear the hellish sound that only gamers would recognise. Blasting out of the cars at full volume, is the one, the only, GTA TLaD Theme tune
But the four door car of the two speeds up, and starts to cross in front of the two door sports car that was previously in front, and they were so close, that something white, like porcelain, falls off the back of the four door
When they cars got close enough, they saw the cars were clearly a 1978 Tiharris Summer and a 1984 Rhein Willow SR-50 Turbo. Two cars that were honestly, surprising to see considering thier cult status. Alas, these two cult classics had rolled up, even with a minor accident. They pulled up, and out came the Jokers who were inside.
J3 has entered the ring
6 Likes
S0 - Doubt
Wisps of lavender, acrid smoke curled from the dark hat, wide brimmed as it was. A pale hand patted at it, as though putting out some unseen flame, and reset it atop the straight, dark hair of its owner’s head. Kate peered out from beneath it, idly judging the folk of this place.
“I don’t know if I can make friends here,” the large and chitinous Octavia said from beside her, nervously chittering between phrases. “They’re all so… warm, and gross. Do they know they secrete so much fluid?”
Kate just sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, curiously free of any sweat.
“Yes, dear. That’s quite normal for the warm bodies of these places, in case you hadn’t noticed.” Her tones were tense and somewhat hushed.
“Sorry,” Octavia said in a stage whisper. She glanced backwards at the cars, feeling very conscious of their smallness when compared to some of the positively immense vehicles around them. “Do you think those machines are really gonna get us through this?”
“Of course,” Kate answered, surprised at Octavia’s doubt. “They’re the old magic, dearie. So is everything here. Should we stay steady and have faith, and supply them with what they need, they will go for as long as they already have.”
“Well, okay. But they don’t really look like the old magic from home.”
The two stood together for a moment, and upon Kate’s lips was the first genuine frown since coming. Her eyes cast over the motley colors and round features of the little vehicle she’d brought with her. It had with it a certain sense of danger, and though no more could be possible than she’d had in the past, it leveled some sense of hostility towards her she hadn’t felt in a great length of time.
“You’re right,” she finally admitted. Octavia looked sharply to her at that. “I don’t dare to claim mastery of this creature. But we have no other recourse, dear.”
“I know, sister,” Octavia sighed. “Let’s get the… pre-check? Was that it? Let’s get that over with.” Kate nodded, drew a many-toothed, long handled charm from her belt, and they split to open the hoods and worship the god-machines within.
6 Likes
TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 1.0 - THE ARRIVAL
Earlier parts
Pre-prologue part 1
Pre-prologue part 2
Prologue part 0.1
Prologue part 0.15 - Interlude
Prologue part 0.2
Prologue part 0.3
[Prologue part 0.4](PART 0.4 - Shitbox Rally 2023 - Stage 0 - #136 by Knugcab)
31st of March 2023
With both the vehicles out on road 99, Janne knew very well how they should get to Nevada. At least in theory after analyzing the mysterious equipment he had found for his old SALEM gaming console. The Wolverine had stopped in front of the Rugger. With a special cable he had connected the console to the diagnosis port on the Rugger ignition ECU, routed in a way so there was no need to have any doors or hoods open. He then put a chain between the two vehicles. To get them to Nevada at the same time, the Wolverine had to tow the Rugger. At least that was what his theory said. With the chain fastened to both the Wolverine and the Rugger, Andreas waved to Marie to take off.
“How do you think this will turn out?”, Andreas asked Janne, extremely skeptical.
“Oh, she will only have to gear up now, that’s easier than gearing down”, Janne said.
Meanwhile, in the Wolverine, Marie still had some troubles with the gearbox.
“Is this the gear I should start in?”, Marie asked Arne.
“Eh, no, I think you’re in low-reve…”
WROOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
“RELEASE THE ACCELERATOR!”, Arne said.
“Release the…ehm, OK!”, Marie answered.
“NO! STOP! NOT THE CLUTCH!”, Arne said
In panic, Janne and Andreas saw the rear of the Wolverine grow in the windshield of the Rugger. Andreas honked multiple times to try to get her to react.
“Oh well, yeah…the accelerator!”, Marie said, taking her foot off the accelerator, with the gearbox still in low-reverse.
CHUG…CHUG…CHUG…CHUG…CHUG…
The tyres of the Wolverine was slowly spinning on the asphalt, while pushing the Rugger backwards with its bumper.
“Let’s take this ONE more time…” , Arne said, starting to lose his patience.
“We don’t need to, I think I’ll fix this”, Marie said, putting the gearbox in 2 high, revving up the engine and instantly releasing the clutch. When the chain stretched out, the Rugger jumped forward like if someone had shot it out of a cannon.
“GNARRRGHHHH!”, Andreas said shortly after the Rugger had taken off.
“What is it?”, Janne said. “Watch where the fuck you have the road!”, he said, since the Rugger was following the Wolverine in everything but a straight line.
“I CAN’T”, Andreas said angrily.
“Why?”, Janne asked
“THIS FELL DOWN FROM SOMEWHERE IN THE CAB!”, Andreas said.
Trying to not laugh too much when Andreas tried to remove a stuffed Garfield doll with suction cups from his face, Janne held the steering wheel with one hand, while tuning the radio with the other.
“Yes, it should be exactly at 88.8 MHz….And then when we reach a certain speed, this should work….”
“GNHHHHFFFFF”, Andreas said. “HOW CAN A DAMN STUFFED DOLL BE THIS HARD TO GET OFF THE FACE?”
“Relax…”, Janne said. “I have this under control, I can steer and since we are in tow, you don’t have to do anything….”
When Andreas finally had removed the orange velour cat from his face, he took a look at the speedo. The whole Rugger was now shaking violently.
“200 km/h? THERE IS NO WAY THAT THE WOLVERINE IS THAT FAST!”, Andreas said.
“Bingo, and that shows that we are already on our…”
“…way?”, Janne continued after a break.
They were absolutely in Nevada, but neither one of the cars had brakes that would really like a sudden stop from almost 250 km/h. Neither would the 8VZ in the Wolverine survive the revs at that speed. Fortunately, Marie managed to get it in neutral and coasted until it reached a little less insane speed. Without too much drama, both vehicles stopped at the side of the road.
“I better disconnect the SALEM immediately before we end up somewhere totally different”, Janne said, and tried to get into the back of the Wolverine.
“YAAAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHH!”, Janne shouted.
“MARIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!! COME HERE!”, he continued, and Marie jumped out of the cab.
“Yeah, what is it?”
“DID YOU BRING THIS GODFORSAKEN CACTUS WITH YOU?”
“Hey!”, she answered angrily. “You should be nice to Mr Spikey!”
“Why the… Why… Just why did you bring your ugly fucking cactus with you?”, Janne asked more than a little bit upset.
“I need to water it!”, she said.
“Water? It’s a plant from the fucking desert! Why would it need water?”, Janne said.
“I hate your damn cactus!”, Andreas yelled out of the side window of the Rugger. “AND I HATE GARFIELD!”. He threw the stuffed doll out of the window, only for it to stick to the spikes of the cactus.
“We don’t have the time for this now”, Janne said, disconnected the gaming console, and kicking the pot of the huge cactus to bring it a bit further forward into the camper. “We need to get to the start.”
A Wolverine with a sometimes crunching gearbox, swaying all over the road, followed by a Rugger managing to keep a somewhat more straight line, was driving towards the area where the start was said to be. In the horizon, Janne saw a Roadmaster minivan followed by a KKR coupé. (@Odyssey_Fan )
“Hey, follow that white minivan and yellow coupé”, Janne said over the CB to Marie and Arne in the Sanju. “I am sure they are also heading for the start!”. Little did he know that if they had followed them just a little bit earlier, they would have had unnecessary struggle with coming to camp. Now they were actually arriving at camp. Sure, with a crunching gearbox and sometimes jerky ride when it came to the Sanju, but still…
7 Likes
J3 Arrives, part 2
as the cars pull up, Jacia has a very pissed off expression, and a harsh blush. As the crew disembark, its noticed that they have matching outfits
Johnny and Jackie Disembark, Johnny grinning
“How is that for an entrance eh?” Said Johnny smugly
“I don’t think she liked it…” stated Jackie, hinting to the pissed off Jacia
“Johnny WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!” Shrieked Jacia
“I DIDNT BLOODY PLAN IT” said Johnny, defending himself rather intimidated
“What the fuck am i meant to do now!” screamed Jacia as she pushed him over
“I deserve this!” Johnny said as he falled over
“I guess we have to ask around to see if anyone is willing to let you use thier loo…or…if anyone has them…with the sizes of half the vehicles here i wouldn’t be surprised” Jackie stated
(No Johnnys were harmed during the production of this…thing)
5 Likes
TEAM FRIENDSHIP! :D
In collaboration with @Elizipeazie and
VSmgAB
Less-than-ideal first impressions
Riley and Freddie’s arrival into camp was pretty uneventful, having come in fairly late, and they spent most of their initial time double checking their bus’ readiness. It wasn’t until the announcement about the power that they first got to get close to all their fellow contestants, and get excited about who they’d meet.
But after Val’s announcement ended, as teams had started to file to the generators, Riley and Freddie found themselves a bit worried; not just about their loss of power; but about that strange interruption that had occurred mid-speech.
“Do you think he was okay? He seemed really troubled by something.” Freddie mused.
“Yeah, he stopped the whole parade to do something. Couldn’t see what it was over the people though.” Riley responded. “Either way we should probably hold off on contacting him until tomorrow. If it was personal, he might need space.”
“But what about our power?” Freddie realized. “if we don’t sort the issue out today, it might be harder for them to get us anything. And then we won’t be able to play our music! 
”
“Oh right, that’s a good point. Yes, we should talk to him now anyway; but be very brief and considerate about it 
.”
“Yeah, let’s wait until he’s helped everyone else, than speak to him. It’ll just be a simple clear-up, anyway! 
”
“ Alright! …by the way, you think his problems have anything to do with us? Since it happened right around our announcement.”
“Of course not, silly! He doesn’t even know us yet!”
And so the 2 put on some music (on their internal CD players), and hung out for a bit as they waited for Val to finish at the generators. Once they saw him walk off, they turned of their own songs, and started heading over to his trailers.
It took quite a while for the other teams to collect their equipment and hook themselves to the self-contained power grid, with Valentin making sure that everyone was using the correct plugs as announed earlier. Eventually, everyone was served and he already was feeling the latent desire to catch some sleep for tonight. As such, he checked the monitor-turned-dashboard of Robert II one last time for any irregularities, of which there were none, before closing the driver door and locking it.
He went over to his own trailer, opening the little hatch and digging for something within for a while, until he heard what he thought was a scooter or motorcycle puttering along camp.
As he came back out of from within the small capsule-like “room” he would sleep in, Riley and Freddie were already practically in front of him, courtesy of his diminished hearing skewing the sense of how far away the noise was.
Holding a folded up pair of black sweatpants in his hands, he initially just stared at the two cars in disbelief, doing little else for the time being.
“
Hi there! ” greeted Riley as she came to a smooth, controlled stop a-meter-or-two from Val. She had a bright-&-cheerful tone to her high-pitched, childlike voice. “I’m Riley 
, from Team Friendship! And this is my teammate 
, Freddie.”
“Hi! 
” perked up Freddie, in a slightly higher-pitched voice. Shortly after Riley’s stop, Freddie made a slightly rougher (but still controlled) stop at the same distance, and both of them “looked up” at Val by angling their bodies with their suspensions.
“You must be Valentin 
, from the speech earlier, right?” Riley asked, her voice beaming with an inviting and curious tone.
As soon as Riley started talking, his eyes went wide in realization that they were somewhat anthropomorphic cars. Obviously irritated, he backed away from them, somewhat hiding behind the far end corner of his trailer.
“What do you want?”, he quickly asked, his voice oozing fear and discomfort by the truckload.
The commotion and the sound of what sounded like two children talking to Valentin also attracted Norse to the scene. He also stopped to inspect Freddie and Riley for a minute and, while it was obvious that he also had issues understanding what exactly they were, he seemed to at least be less afraid but more cautious. In the confusion surrounding the two cars, he did not dare talk to them yet.
Riley & Freddie were aware of Norse nearby, but their attention was still just on Valentin for the time being. As Val moved towards the far end of his trailer, the 2 cars didn’t exactly follow him, but did lean to the side a few centimeters as though “peering” around the edge of the trailer.
“Sorry if we startled you.” apologized Freddie, his tone becoming a bit more cautious and concerned in response to Val’s hiding. “We don’t mean to be a bother.”
“We just wanted to quickly ask you about our team’s power supply situation. ” Riley explained.
“Contract is invalidated.” Valentin quips back from behind his “hiding” spot, still very easily seen courtesy of the sheer height of him.
“There is no human member in your team that could have signed the contract, thus voiding it.” he added in a tone of voice that was far harsher than he intended, made worse by the subtle rasp that came due to his voice not taking too kindly to shouting across camp for a speech.
“He’s right… can’t have a Tezda sign a contract under it’s non-existant legal name…” Norse mumbled in response, still watching the two “cars” hop around like what he would describe as two excited dogs on wheels.
“Well yeah, that’s why we signed it ourselves! 
” Riley gestured towards Freddie a bit, her voice and body language reverting back to the cheery tone she introduced herself with. Their attention still seemed to be only on Val for now.
“I sign things all the time! 
” chimed in Freddie. “Like sometimes, when the 
delivery guy shows up, they need me to!”
“Maybe on your child’s TV series it does! But a contract to sentient cars or whatever the hell you are is not legally binding to me!” Valentin blared back at them, his long fuse long burnt away by what to him is the most outlandish sight since he first met Shift Happens.
Norse, meanwhile, was mentally stalled in trying to compute a solution to the conflict of interest, made worse by the ongoing attempt at deciphering what the two guests actually are.
“Odd, us being cars doesn’t usually mean anything legal-wise.” Riley started to sound a bit confused…
“Oh, but that’s back home in the US” Freddie figured, turning away from Val for the first time to face Riley (by way of reversing in a quarter-circle). “they probably have different laws on Aetherii.”
“Good point, I didn’t think about that.” Riley turned a little bit to face back at Freddie, as the confusion in her voice dissipated. “New places 
always have different ways of doing things!”
“Exactly! Your signature doesn’t legally mean anything! I don’t know who or what you are supposed to represent, but i am willing to bet the 1.7% of me that is titanium by mass that i am infinitely more earth-based than you are!”, Valentin replied, still shouting his already compromised voice out of himself in a vaguely civilized way of shooing them away without directly telling them to ‘piss off’.
Norse managed to break his mental stunlock, but it only resulted in him quietly backing away from Freddie and Riley as they were talking to each other. Valentin, in turn, took a very brief moment to glance at Norse doing so before refocusing the cars.
“Well that’s a shame.” said Freddie, to Riley; he’d struggled to make out what exactly Val was saying at this point through his unclear raspy shouting, but had gotten the gist. “Guess we’ll have to run the engine at idle overnight to power the bus.”
“Hey, maybe this is a good thing!” Riley perked up with realization. “It’ll give us an excuse to meet new people! 
”
“Oh, you’re right! Once we’re done decorating 
our bus, we can use the time to explore all around camp every night , and hang out with as many teams as we can! 
”
As the 2 appeared to almost burst with excitement over the idea, the 2 turned back to Val one last time, and Riley started to say goodbye. “Thanks for the clarification, Valentin! 
Sorry to bother you so late.”
“Yeah, next time we see you, we’ll try to do it at a better time! By pal! ”
“Goodnight! 
”
As they said their last words, they turned around and started heading to their bus, (which was in the opposite direction of Val and about perpendicular to Norse).
“Please just go…” Valentin muttered, now substantially quieter as the relief of them leaving was setting in.
About 10 minutes after the encounter
Valentin and Norse were digging around in their respective compartments at the extreme ends of the trailer, re-doing the process of readying themselves for bed.
“I think i am going insane…”, Valentin grumbled, juust loud enough for Norse to notice, but not understand.
“Huh?”, he said, looking over at Valentin.
“I think that crash a year ago messed me up more than just physically…”, Valentin said to Norse, who again had difficulties understanding, which also was patently obvious to Valentin as his voice was pretty much FUBAR’d now.
Chucking whatever he was holding back into his capsule, he headed for the other end of the trailer where Valentin was to sleep in.
“Come again?” Norse repeated once more, now next to Valentin.
“Have you seen those two cars just now? I am seriously questioning my mental state right now, considering what happened a year ago…” Valentin reiterated again, turning around to take an uncomfortable seat on the edge of the hatch frame.
“Either we both are insane, or neither of us are. I saw it all unfold…” Norse remarked in an attempt to be of moral support.
Valentin was unsure if that statement was helpful or detrimental, given that Norse also was present a year prior.
The conversation goes back and forth for a while, eventually ending in nothing truly satisfactory, as the two made their way into their respective beds.
OOC note: the 2 car’s conclusions of Aetherii law are an uninformed assumption of the characters, and is in no way indicative of what local laws actually say.
PSA: How to write emoticons on the forums.
My team’s name contains an emoticon, which I’ve just remembered isn’t straightforward to write on the forums; because whenever you put together an emoticon simply, the site automatically replaces it with the equivalent emoji (for example, " :) " becomes " 
" ).
However, there is a way to get around this, and that’s by placing an invalid formatting tag between the colon and the rest of the emoticon (so " :<g>) " becomes " :) " ). It doesn’t matter what the tag’s text actually is, as long as it doesn’t actually have a preset purpose.
And actually, you can use this trick not just for emoticons, but for any time the forums automatically reformats your characters! Take this double period here: .. (normally that would have corrected to an ellipsis)
If you didn’t know that trick already, I hope you’ve found this useful. :D
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(This will be added this to my team’s introductory post.)
3 Likes
Team Taciturn, Ep. 4: Prepare!
Cal and Curt have arrived with their new Mara Irena Universal on the dirt path closest to their landing site. On their way back they discuss the arrangements they want to make for the rally before they set off for the long trek from Prince George, British Columbia to Nevada.
To-dos?
IDs!
AI?
Yes.
Spares?
Yes?
Dealer?
Junkyards!
En route?
Yes!
Modifications?
Bench!
Out?
Yes.
More?
Depends.
Tools?
Sure.
Else?
Provisions!
Autarky?
Yes.
Cans?
Mostly.
Tent?
Insulated!
Clothing?
Yes.
Blankets?
Yes.
Replicator?
Small.
Hidden!
Yes.
Conveniences?
Heater.
Small?
Yes.
Electric?
Yes.
Stove?
Same.
Money?
Replicate!
Much?
Again!
Fuel?
Nah.
Else?
Dunno.
Space?
Plenty.
Loot?
Check!
The first thing Cal and Curt made sure once they entered their cloaked spaceship in the woods outside Prince George was that their ill-gotten gains from their robbery on Cygnus III was still safely stored where they had left it.
4 Likes
Prologue
Team Information: Shitbox Rally 2023 - Entries Open! - #52 by TheYugo45GV
Novel Warning Ahead
The Desert Drive
The clock struck 1:30, and immediately, the two car convoy went the wrong way, traveling due west. However, this was done, because everyone had agreed that they wanted to see the sights Earth had to offer in the southwestern United States. The journey along the Old Spanish Trail Highway was relatively uneventful, there was not much to see except miles of endless desert. Karl had taken command of the Ambassador, with Landon in the passenger seat, and Ramius, Karl’s six legged pet wolf, in the back amongst the luggage. Meanwhile, driving the IVERA was Aryton, alongside Denali who was in the passenger seat, and Amell who was in the back seat. They stayed in contact via CB radio, on a private frequency where no one could hear their conversations.
About half an hour into the trip they passed a small hamlet named Tecopa. It seemed desolate and deserted, so it was not a viable stop. Another 20 minutes later, they reached a town called, shoshone it was apparently called. It didn’t have much to offer either as it too was deserted, so it was on to Pahrump, following the so-called “Charles Brown Highway” as Google had put it.
After more driving through endless desert landscape, they finally reached Pahrump where again, there was no stop. Instead they continued on to the main highway that lay east of them, Highway 160.
As they pulled up to the intersection however, a distant horn was audible.
(OOC: I have made a piece of edited music for this segment, read slowly so you can get fully immersed, also turn your audio down because there’s a somewhat loud truck horn that plays at the very very start. Also, this is only to be played for the following paragraphs until the horizontal line at the bottom of these four paragraphs. P.S. Ignore the error message, you only need sound.)
Teh Musik
An articulated semi-truck roared past, horn blaring. With great haste, the convoy slotted in right behind it, Mayland in front, IVERA following, keeping a safe distance from the 18 wheeler. Along with all the other cars on the road, the Mayland and IVERA cruised along the flawless tarmac, behind the truck, the afternoon wearing on, the sun becoming ever lower in the sky. The clock fitted in the Mayland’s dashboard ticked for every second they drove, desert and mountains on either side slowly sliding, as the cars followed the 65 mile an hour speed limit. Through the windshields of both was a panoramic view of the terrain to the south as was the direction they faced. There was no dust on these roads, it would truly be smooth sailing all the way. The sky was blue, and cloudless, contrasting the mountains on either side as they stood idle in the sun. The road continued onward, nothing would stand in the way of the two cars, their rumbling V8s showing no signs of issue, as they carried the team across the vast sea of desert towards the starting line. The map showed no traffic for the rest of the journey. Which was good because they would not be late like Landon had expected.
Soon, the turn came, on to the other highway they were to follow. The asphalt here was not as good as the main highway, but they went onward nonetheless, driving further and further into the remote sea of sand. So it seemed, anyhow, that the camp was in the middle of nowhere, but if they were to make it on time, they would be unable to stop. Well, only for anything non essential. Fuel was one of those things, and the thirstier of the two cars would be in need of it soon otherwise they’d be stranded. The gauge needle went lower and lower, and eventually the light came on.
The blind hill was the last obstacle they had to overcome, but the Mayland’s engine sputtered a bit, though it didn’t die, it was a warning that they were low on gas, and refueling would need to happen soon. It was a steep slope, but the Mayland’s low end torque allowed it to keep the revs down and use less fuel as it climbed the hill. Once they were over, they’d probably pull over and refuel. But the navigation software showed there was a gas station on the other side. So maybe they could coast it the rest of the way there.
Indeed there was a gas station on the other side. Maybe about a hundred feet away. It looked abandoned but it would make a good place to stop and refuel. The IVERA rolled to a stop in the dirt patch which was the waiting area, while the Mayland rolled up to the pumps. Karl shut the engine down, as Landon got out, still dressed in full uniform walking toward the IVERA.
Denali had rolled the window down, and anticipated orders alongside the others.
“What you want us to do, General?” She asked.
“Well, ‘Ambassador One’ has just run out of gas and Karl told me it’s supposed to have a 25 gallon tank, so we could be here a while.”
Aryton then chimed in with a question. “Should we wait for you then?”
Shaking his head, Landon looked at Karl who was now examining the gas pump. “No, You guys go on ahead. Reserve us a spot in the camp, but wait for us to show up before you go in for tech inspection, I would like to be there.”
“Yes sir.” All three in the IVERA replied in unison.
A grind spread across Landon’s face. “Alright, you run along now.”
The IVERA slowly pulled away, but Aryton gunned it a little too flamboyantly, and it chirped the wheels, but regained traction and drove off into the distance, still looking as ridiculous as ever with the camper shell. The aggressive V8 exhaust note slowly faded into the distance as the car continued on.
“I got a bad feeling ‘bout this place.” Landon muttered to himself, “Something’s off.”
“Hey, Landon!” Karl called.
“What?”
“You won’t believe it, but the pumps work!”
“I suggest you make the most of it, and hurry up. Also be alert, I don’t have a good feeling about this.”
Karl glanced around. His wildcat instincts were telling him to run, and get away from here. He grimaced upon glancing at the abandoned shed across from the pumps. Landon did say to keep alert, but caracals and other cats had that wired into them.
He was never not alert.
Subconsciously, his ears were twitching and moving, listening for any sounds of danger. Landon’s ears seemed to be doing the same, he too had survival instincts, honed in by his military training most likely.
The towering uniformed fox began walking back to the car, from where he’d seen out the IVERA.
“Is the trunk unlocked?” he asked.
Karl replied, “Sure is.” Then tossed him the keys, he knew what Landon had in mind. More firepower. They did have their sidearms, Karl’s Automag Raven was tucked into his waistband around his back, while Landon’s Colt Anaconda revolver was in its hip holster. But, it was likely a good idea to have a fully automatic weapon on hand, in case shit hit the fan.
Landon popped the trunk, fished out one of the two UZIs, grabbed one of the spare magazines from the ammo box that contained them, and jammed it into the gun’s pistol grip magwell. The weapon also had a shoulder strap which hung loosely in the air as Landon had opted not to put the strap ‘round his neck. Satisfied, he shut the trunk with his left hand, locked it and gave the keys back to the caracal.
Karl meanwhile, had begun the refueling process, and the counter on the miraculously functioning pump ticked up the price, but since the station was likely abandoned, they were likely to just gas and dash.
In the distance was the sound of an engine, multiple actually. But, one seemed way closer than the others, seemingly coming over the blind hill. It was at this moment Karl, from his spot at the open driver door, spotted a rather modern camera watching them.
“Hey, come look at this.” Karl exclaimed. “Camera.”
Landon seemed shocked. “Oh shit.” But before he could continue, a gray in color 2001 single cab Chevrolet Silverado came over the crest of the hill behind them, occupied by two people. It rolled up to the gas station quite aggressively. The two men inside, got out, both of them had firearms, and seemed like they were rednecks of some kind. They appeared to be weary of the towering fox opposite them.
One of them, the driver, spoke into a CB radio. “Yo! Skeeter! You won’t believe this, we finally got them furries drivin’ through ‘ere.”
Both Karl and Landon tensed while Ramius had woken up and began watching through the rear windshield. Landon made sure to keep the UZI behind his back, so that these men didn’t perceive them as a threat. Yet.
“Alrighty now, you two are gonna come peacefully. Nobody needs to get hurt t’day, the boss want’s to ‘ave a chat with you. Don’t try anythin’ stupid ya hear?”
A silent click came from behind Karl, the hillbillies opposite them didn’t hear it because Landon had their focus. Karl quietly removed it from the filler neck and discretely closed the flap. The enemies were either too dumb to notice, or Karl was a master at stealth.
“What if we don’t want to come with you?” Landon replied, snarkily.
“You don’t have a fucking choice there, furball.” The man spat, somewhat amused by himself. “We’ll shoot you dead so fast, you won’t even blink, then we’ll skin ya and turn ya into coats.”
“Hmm. I guess threats are your way of making people obey you.”
The man chuckled. “Oh, the lil’ fox thinks the uniform makes him all tough. Well, I ain’t gonna back down. Now, take yer gun belt off an’ throw it to me. I’m not gonna let ya be a hero now.”
“I guess this is the part where you say you don’t want to repeat yourself?” Karl asked, with some slyness to his voice, making sure to shield his fear.
“Shut yer mouth, kitty cat!” The man snapped. “I’m the one given orders ‘ere.”
Karl sighed and readied himself. Whatever plan Landon had, he’d better enact it now.
“You heard me furball! Git your hands from behind yer back and put that gun in yer’ ‘olster on the ground.” Right at that moment he became agitated, and began to reach for his gun. “I ain’t gonna say it again!”
But, just as his hand was around his back and his fingers just barely touched the grip of the gun.
Landon took a deep breath. “You won’t.” he declared, sharply.
With swift grace, around came the UZI. The man’s eyes widened, and in his panicked frenzy to retrieve his firearm, managed to get it snagged on his belt, buying Landon even more time.
An ear piercing rattle of machine gun fire erupted in the calm of the desert. The unfortunate soul who’d tried to grab his pistol had now been shot 10 times in the span of a second, the other one also fumbled for his weapon but due to his close proximity to his friend, he too was cut down by the bullets. Furthermore, their truck was close enough to be hit, and the 9mm bullets turned the bodywork into swiss cheese, flattening both tires on the driver’s side.
Right at the moment of Landon opening fire, Karl dove into the driver’s seat of the Mayland and gunned the engine, jamming it in reverse, and flooring the accelerator. The tires, at first squealed in protest on the concrete pad as the 6.8L V8 put down all its power, before they hit the dirt and tossed gravel everywhere. Right before it hit Landon, Karl slammed on the brakes, and jammed the gear shift into drive.
Ramius meanwhile, as Karl reversed out of the pump area, had opened the passenger side rear door, and then jumped through the driver side rear window into this special dimension, before emerging from the gas station window, right as more of the hillbilly entourage came over the hill crest. With the UZI now empty and the Mayland next to him, with the help of Ramius, he leapt through the open door of the Ambassador, landing amongst the luggage which provided a surprisingly solid landing platform.
Right before the people in the trucks got out, Karl floored the gas pedal again, and the sudden momentum brought the door close enough for Ramius to hook a paw around it while Landon pulled him into the car by one of his hind legs, subsequently closing the door. On the other hand, under acceleration, the car threw up a second dust cloud, which provided a semi effective smoke screen and a gravel shower that disoriented the attackers, preventing them from opening fire. But a few of the crazy fuckers did, though their bullets hit everything but their mark, pulverizing everything except the Mayland which was already on the highway.
One of the bullets struck a nearby propane tank, puncturing it, and because of the round being incendiary, it ignited the gas resulting in an explosion, consequently destroying the functioning gas pump, camera, and lighting the now leaking gasoline on fire.
As the rear wheels fought for traction, the tail slid out slightly, driver side rear wheel threatening to hit the curb the gas pumps were mounted on. However, the concrete gripped the tires more firmly, causing the car to lurch and go straight again. With the car now moving, the dirt ahead of them was not a problem and the Mayland maintained a straight trajectory as it got onto the highway. With the car now finally straight, Karl welded his foot to the floor, the Ambassador’s V8 bellowing and roaring in defiance as it rocketed past 50 miles an hour. Behind them, there was a bang and a flash, as something blew up leaving flames and smoke licking at the air.
“Holy shit! I can’t believe we got out of there alive!” Exclaimed, Karl, still reeling from the adrenalin. He laughed triumphantly. “I ain’t dying today!”
“I’d rather be stuck under 60 pounds of wolf.” Landon grunted, as he strained to get himself upright, before falling into the massive gap between the seats. “Goddammit, tell your damn wolf to stop drooling on me. It’s ruining my uniform.”
“You need me to stop?”
“No! Keep driving, until the google map tells you to! Those bastards could be chasing after us for all we know!”
“Alright, Alright! No need to shout at me.”
Karl’s phone then lit up. “Turn right.” the google lady stated, flatly.
“Well, that was fast!”
“Huh? No! Wait! Karl!”
The words fell on deaf ears, and Karl slammed on the brakes, sending Landon, Ramius, the empty Uzi, Landon’s hat, and any other loose items flying, Landon landed in the gap between the seats that wasn’t taken up by luggage causing him to get stuck again. And right as he pulled himself up out of the gap, the Mayland, the 2 ton, 18 foot boat swerved violently to the right, and sent his hiking backpack and the smaller of his suitcases careening into him, only being stopped by his hands, as he reached out.
Landon winced as he tried to pull himself up “Ow! KARL! What in the fuck was that?”
“I had to turn, jackass! It would suck real bad if we missed the damn turn.”
With a roll of his eyes, Landon, with a lot of grunting and panting finally got himself unstuck. “It’ll suck when you have to pay to fix my damn uniform.”
“What was that?”
Oh God. “Nothing.”
The Mayland hurtled down the dirt road, and soon enough, just in time for Landon, who had finally settled himself in the passenger seat again, the starting camp had come into view. There were already a few cars on site, most notably there were two large trucks, one an RV and the other a reefer unit; there were also 4 Dione station wagons, two green and two orange, alongside trailers in respective colors. Among the other cars was an Ilaris Imbe that looked like it had been hacked up by an axe and put back together in a shed, accompanied by an Ilaris Itan ute. A Walkenhorst UTILXL in an emergency livery and parked nearby was an old Sakura Citrine 4 door. There was also a Tiharris Summer V6 and a Rhien Willow SR50 Turbo, a Sanju Wolverine, an IP Rugger, Schnell L30, Some obscure pickup truck with a camper shell along side a Saguaro T-REE 2000 Wagon, an incomplete kit car next to a minivan that looked like an airport rental car and of course the IVERA with it’s camper shell.
“We’re here.” Karl said, watching as the camp rolled past at 40 miles an hour.
“Then why aren’t you stopping!?”
“Huh? Oh shit!”
Again, the brakes came on, but this time, the front wheels locked, and then came the sound of gravel being pushed out of the way.
They had missed the turning by 40 meters.
Landon groaned. “Why don’t you pay attention? You’re a damn cat for fuck sake.”
“I got distracted.” Karl replied, jamming the column shifter into reverse and flooring it.
In the camp, most of the teams, and the three other members of Team Ambassadors, Amell, Aryton, and Denali, watched as the car that gave their team their name rocket past the entrance from the gravel road at what looked to be 40 - 45 miles an hour. Then came the sound of rubber on gravel and a dust cloud. The car sat for a moment, before it reversed back towards the entrance, spinning its wheels, throwing up more dust because the driver had welded the pedal to the floor. The V8 had a staccato bellow, as it bounced off the rev limiter, while the car reversed, all the way to the entrance before coming to a stop.
Karl then threw the column shifter into drive and then gunned the throttle, again, and turned into the camp, and almost oversteered into a cactus.
From the perspective of any third person, after rolling to a stop, the operator of the vehicle put the car into drive and again went pedal to the metal, causing its rear wheels to spin up out of control once more, before the driver swung the wheel to the right to turn into the camp, causing the car to oversteer, and have a near miss with a cactus.
Having held on for dear life, for the fifth time today, Landon shot Karl a dirty look. “Was that really necessary, Karl?”
“Hey, we’ve got here safely. Neither of us have any bullet holes.”
Like always, the reply was met with a roll of purple eyes.
DAMN BOI HE THICC, not as thicc as the first two parts, but still thicc nontheless. Till next time, Yugo out.
8 Likes
Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Aventures, Take 2: Re-hash
March 13th, 2022
Carson City, Nevada. McChad Auto Parts HQ.
On the outskirts of Carson City, Nevada, there sits a humble abode specializing in the tuning and maximizing the potential of the venerated American V8. The deep growls and throaty roars that would normally cascade off the walls of this hall of speed is instead replaced by three racers and a hefty supply of duffle bags. Our scene opens with young racers Johnny Scarfiotti and Ryouchi Katou attempting to communicate.
“Look, Johnny. I get that you and Giacomo get on really well. That’s great! Hey, I’m glad for you. When you start dragging my family into whatever kooky bullshit you guys get up to, I start having a problem.” Ryouchi had been happy to put up with Giacomo’s eccentricities in the past, particularly as the man was personally responsible for the past few years of his racing career, but his exploits were infamous, ill thought out and often carried out without even the slightest of filter between Giacomo’s thoughts and common sense. Ryouchi preferred to watch the chaos unfold from a distance instead of directly participating in them himself, becoming trivia fodder for racing historians to pick apart for shits and gigs 20 years from now. Johnny, in contrast, had a more romantic view of these “adventures” as he called them.
“Come on Ryu, don’t be like that! Think of it as a vacation, or a side hustle, something you can do to keep your senses sharp when you’re not racing!” Johnny beamed at his more experienced teammate, who scratched at the stubble that had grown in the weeks since his getting medically cleared to compete again. Though he’d yet to make a start, Ryouchi waited on standby “just in case something happens”, or so he claimed. “Yeah, but that’s ‘recreational’, with Giacomo, half the things he does bleed into ‘suicidal’. Whatever this is, it’d better be real convincing if he thinks I’m playing along for even a moment-” Before Ryouchi could finish complaining, however, a loud clanging of metal indicated the garage door had started opening, judging from the bevy of tools strewn about that had been leaning against the board. And there it was, like a scene out of a movie:
A Not-So Mercedes Renntransporter, known as the Blue Wonder and rarer then the chances of MCP finishing a race they start. A true work of art, though closer inspection reveals that the mirage isn’t as effective as it looks at first glance. The grille is wonky, bumpers inaccurate and this one’s apparently… road legal? Wait…
It doesn’t take long for Ryouchi to fill in the dots, as he sees a satisfied father and son duo beaming at him from the cab of the Renntransporter. Alessio slowly rolled down the window from the driver’s seat to address Hikiko, who’d nearly sprinted out the door to meet the two. Alessio, never missing a chance to look cool, pulled down his shades to address her with a smirk. “Didn’t see alot of these in F1, eh?” Hikiko, and by now, Ryouchi and Johnny, stood there in shock. Giacomo, seeing an opportunity of his own, had his own go at being cool. Hikiko, coincidentally, was about to respond to Alessios quip, saying something along the lines of “No, but my-” before being quicky drowned out by the throaty roar of the clearly not stock engine that’d been swapped into this… thing, courtesy of Giacomo nearly redlining the motor to get a pop out of the crowd, 3 strong and fervently watching with bated breath. Alessio quickly slapped Giacomo’s foot away, before turning to address Hikiko. “Welcome to the shitbox rally. We’ve got some work to do.”
March 15th, 2022
A Clapped out garage in the middle of nowhere.
"Well, Alessio… I did what I could to save the internals, the engine still runs like it just came off the lot, if you ignore all the scavenging it’s been through after it survived the owner being completely wiped by a shootout back in the late 80s. Is there any way you could’ve know what happens to this car after you sold it to the dude? You had to have known something.
Alessio squinted gave the junkyard dealer his 500 bucks, more then the car was worth at that rate, and got to work hauling it around, and brought it back to the little abode in Carson City. Though the drive was, of course, exceedingly thought filled for once as Alessio re-lived the days spent tuning the once sporty and excited engine, the toil required to fully strip the car out stitch by stich on the inside, the rusting and, of course, preserved bullet holes that had one ended the life of a former human being, though otherwise served as minor blemishes to the car’s pastiche of two bricks on top of another, with a windshield and set of wheels attaching the whole ramshackle affair together.
After some complaining on Ryouchi’s part about having yet to recieve an explanation, he resolved on spending weeknights preserving the car, fixing and welding whatever needed to be fixed, added, welded or conveniently replaced. At this point, he was so engrossed in the development of the car that he managed to completely ignore the cans of kerosene that had slowly filled the interior of the garage over the day. Alessio’s assistance in the matter of preservation and repair, along with the bare bones explanation of “well I’m a builder, I have to know!” was enough to stave off Ryouchi and Johnny’s curiosity, though Ryouchi’s doubt had ebbed into geniune enjoyment of having a project car of his own to help work on.
And so, the final sticker went on, and it was time for Giacomo to finally explain what the hell they were all doing here. ahem. "GENTLEMEN. Lady. Last year, we competed in SR2022 for the memes. This year, WE COMPETE FOR BLOOD! Johhny, Ryouchi, you will man the Faenza! Co driving will be the difference between life and death! Victory or defeat! Don’t dissapoint me! Us adults will be chillin in the big ahh blue wonder.
March 31st, 6:00 PM PST.
Shitbox Rally campsite.
And so, with car and driver decided, it was time for MCP to roll out, and roll they did, bringing with them a third car for a slight amount of trolling they had planned for the camp. Inside were some holdouts from Ryouchi’s little sister’s band class, willing to help Giacomo and MCP put on a grandiose, overbearing and yet slightly enjoyable performance to entertain the crowd, with Giacomo’s still elementary level guitar playing being supplemented with the vocal skills and stabe presence of the man himself Johnny, as Royuchi’s little sister, Koharu, recruited her homies to create The Greatest Set Ever Played Ever. It was so good everyone clapped at the end and everything, I swear. Johnny took his shirt off and Koharu overindulged in the drums so much she drum solo’d at least twice during the Genesis cover.
After getting past the covers and piddling around for about an hour, Koharu and friends packed up to leave, as it was a school night and nobody was ready to catch the planet tier asswhooping from the PTA if everyone wasn’t home and sleeping by 10 pm that night. And thus, our shitbox crusaders are left with a banana on wheels and the blue wonder, will they be able to take this little team to the checkered flag, or will their hopes fizzle and die like the oil temps on the Blue Wonder? Hang on, shouldn’t someone get that?
Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Aventures, Take 2: Re-hash - FIN
(AN: Sorry if things got sloppy. I’m literally fallign asleep writing this
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Team M.A.D.
Part Zero Point Two
An Interview with: Team Shift Happens
In Colaboration with @Madrias
Urijah, Maxim, and Victoria figured their first interview, the hosts would be a good starting point. With that, make an approach towards team Shift Happens, equipment all ready for some sort of recording. Kaylie looked up from her notes as Urijah, Maxim, and Victoria approached, carrying various camera and audio equipment with them.
“Anything I can help the three of you with?” she asked. Urijah takes a step forward, a friendly smile on his face,
“Well, sorry to bother you, if you’re doing anything of importance. I’m Urijah Hunt, one of the members of Team M.A.D. We’ve come here to document the events of the Rally. We were wondering if you or anyone else would be open for an interview? Felt it would be nice to hear from the people running this.” He chuckles slightly.
“Not bothering me at all. Was just looking over the entry forms and trying to guess who was going to show up and in what order. As for an interview, yeah, I’m open to it. I’ll get Kivenaal in on this as well. Oh, and if you don’t mind him sitting nearby, I should probably let Kasiya know this is going on. He’ll be mighty upset if he misses out on something historical happening,” Kaylie said. She grabbed her walkie-talkie and asked for Kivenaal to meet her at the HD-GVs for an interview, then got up, her chrome left arm flashing in the sun for a brief moment as she walked to the truck and knocked on the rear cab door.
“Hey, Kasiya, grab your laptop and sit at the table. Take some notes,” she said. A moment later, Kasiya left the truck and sat down at one of the picnic tables, his laptop already booted up and displaying a text editor, though the characters already written on the screen were like nothing seen on earth. About two minutes later, Kivenaal wandered over, looking very out-of-place in his wild-west-gunslinger outfit, custom made for his four armed form.
“Anyone interested in some snacks?” he asked, giving a casual smile.
“If you offer them a bag of scorpions, Kivenaal, I swear by the Twin Suns of my homeworld that you won’t walk for a week,” Kaylie snapped. Kivenaal smirked and pulled out a bag of cinnamon jawbreakers from his leather duster’s inside pocket, then popped one in his mouth and promptly bit down on it with an earth-shattering crunch.
“Your loss, Kaylie,” he said, offering the bag to the three members of Team M.A.D. Uri and Vic denied the jawbreakers, while Max joyously took one, holding his camera off in one hand. Victoria took a couple of lav mics out from a bag on her hip, handing one each to Kaylie and Kivenaal.
“Just clip these on your shirt somewhere nearby your mouth, throw the pack into one of the pockets, and we’re all good to go.” She said, giving a brief thumbs up to both Uri and Max.
“Just listen to Max here on where he wants you to stand, and we should be good to go if you don’t have any further questions,” Urijah says, grabbing a hand held mic off of Victoria, “Actually, Vic, just do a sound check once they’re mic’d up, make sure the audio tracks are clear.” Kivenaal quickly figured out how to get his microphone situated, putting it on his shirt and putting the pack into the same inside pocket his jawbreakers had come from. Kaylie, on the other hand, turned to Kivenaal with a look that clearly stated she wanted some help.
“Kiva, mind lending a hand? I really don’t want to break their equipment,” she asked. Kivenaal smiled, then quickly clipped Kaylie’s microphone to her shirt and, after a moment of casual thought, pulled a bandana out of another of his coat pockets and secured the pack to Kaylie’s chrome left shoulder.
“There you go, Kaylie,” he said.
“Anything we need to say in order to pass the sound check?” Kaylie asked.
“I’ll be nice and not obliterate any snacks while using this. As funny as it might be to have an international scorpion crunch, it’s not worth getting punched by Kaylie,” Kivenaal replied.
“Soundcheck should be easy enough. Just answer this simple question, and we’ll get into it.” Urijah steps out of Max’s frame, and gives a thumb’s up for him to begin recording.
“Just speak clearly, If you can just give your name, what team you’re with, and a fun little fact about yourself.”
“Kaylie Lynn Malradi, from Team Shift Happens. Fun fact, I was Kaylie Lynn Grayson at this time last year, until I got married to Jayde, the big lion over there,” Kaylie said, motioning in Jayde’s direction with her chrome left hand, the titanium ring visible for a brief moment.
“Kivenaal Khakrin-Marinseien, also from Team Shift Happens. I was from Aetherii… A very long time ago now. I’m half-Valraadi, sharing a paternal bloodline with Rukari over there,” he said, pointing with his upper left hand casually toward Rukari, “and a Light-Aetheriian mother. I inherited her four arms.”
Victoria gives a thumbs up to Urijah, and he continues “Kaylie, Kivenaal, my first proper question then, What made you want to run this event for a second time after what happened last time?”
Kaylie smiled. “Despite the chaos of the previous event,” she said, “there was a fair bit of fun in it. Sure, we got attacked by the local wildlife and a team did have a casualty last year, and someone drove a stage drunk, but… We also saw a whole new world, met new people, made some friends.”
“I assume some of the people who ‘survived’ last year are then coming back for a second crack, or is it more wholly new faces this time around?”
“There’s a couple returning teams. Some “agents of chaos” who won last year, the Hillbilly Rollers, are returning. Team Not-so-slow as well, and they might get to finish this time. Couple recognized team names, but only one member in each that are the same, and those teams are Mravolinski-Chitco and Machinas Con Passione,” Kaylie replied.
“Then there’s the team providing power, who has two members returning from last year,” Kivenaal added. “Don’t ask me how to pronounce their name, I’ll butcher it.”
“and on the, uh, dangers of last event,” Urijah has a brief worried look on his face, “Are we likely to see the same sort of issues, or are we a bit safer this time?”
Kivenaal chuckled. “Short of scouting every mile on my own two feet, I’ve planned this route to hopefully avoid most of it. Plus, we hired a security team, hence the crew of soldiers over there. And, well, pretty much all of Shift Happens is armed, and Malavera did put it in the email that being prepared for danger isn’t a bad thing,” he replied, sliding back his duster for a moment to show the four grips of his revolvers before letting it return to his sides.
“That said, there will be snow, and from what I hear, traffic this year, so… Accidents are still possible,” Kaylie said. “But unlikely you’ll be facing something that makes this guy,” Kaylie said, sticking a thumb over her shoulder at Kasiya, who had his fingers outright flying over his keyboard, “look downright cuddly. Granted… We’re passing through a rainforest at some point, so… There could be snakes or jaguars. But hopefully not anything too bad.”
“Well, that’s certainly positive, and should make for some very pretty shots.” Max gives a slight chuckle at the statement from Urijah, before catching a glare from Victoria. “Assume we’re gonna have some very nice variety in terrain then, to match the likely variety of people?”
“Mountains, plains, rainforest-or-jungle depending on your preferred term for it, and then a good view of the coastline, ending on the beach,” Kivenaal replied. “Should be a good spread of scenery, terrain, road conditions. Kaylie picked one road based on what she’d like to take her personal car through, even though we can’t bring it. But, you’ll know it when you get there.”
“Yeah, I got into drifting after Rukari gave the Twin Hearts Racing treatment to my 2009 Grand Warden V10. It has twin turbos and nearly 900 horsepower going through a 6 speed manual and out the rear wheels. So, I picked a twisty road that I thought would be fun in suitable cars,” Kaylie admitted.
“Man, something like that would make me worry our Walkenhorst would fall over,” Urijah says with a chuckle, looking back over at where they parked, with Renee leaning on her camera on the roof.
“Your Walkenhorst should be about as stable as our HD-GVs,” Kaylie said with a smile.
“Now, speaking of cars, Are you able to tell us about the vehicles you’ve brought along for this adventure?”
Kivenaal replied, “Honestly, Kasiya probably knows the most about them, they’re his trucks, but they were in our shop for a while. What I do know about them is that they’re AWD, 10 wheeled, twin-steering behemoths from Kasiya’s home planet. They’re built for much higher gravity than ours.”
“They call them a “Heavy-Duty Ground-Vehicle.” HD-GV for short. They come in a lot of varieties, like the Carry All, designed to be a cargo transporter in either flatbed, tarp-top, box-van, or refrigerated cargo formats. Our Carry All is configured with a refrigerated box, and we have refrigerated trailers. The other one is a “Home Unit,” a custom conversion of a troop transporter into an RV. Sleeping space for four of Kasiya’s kind, climate control, and we’ve installed a microwave,” Kaylie added. “We also had to make it compatible with the EU power standards because, well, surprisingly enough, people from another planet don’t use Earth power standards,” Kaylie mentioned.
“They spent the better part of a day retuning the suspension for Earth gravity, too. Those things rode like go-karts before they cut the air pressure. Both are automatics, both have almost-900 horsepower V16 engines, DOHC, twin-spark, five-valves per cylinder, and will run on just about anything that you can pour in the tank and burn. They’ll spark ignite diesel, but run like crap on it,” Kivenaal added.
“God damn,” Urijah looks over at Victoria with a ‘You-really-want-to-look-around-don’t-you’ sort of look, “Well, I think that should be all the questions we have for now, we might come back to you during some camps as things progress if that’s fine by you?”
“Totally fine,” Kaylie said. “I’m always open for an interview, but you might get different people with me.”
“If you want a peek at the engine, I can open the compartment and it’s just inside. 16 cylinders, almost 22 liters of glory,” Kivenaal said. “I just have to be careful not to scratch the paint, Kasiya is very protective of his trucks right now.” Maxim ends the recording, and Victoria moves to grab the lav mics off Kaylie and Kivenaal, and she starts talking directly to Kivenaal,
“If you’re willing to show me around, I’d love to take a look at something so… Well, I’ve never really seen anything like it. Largest my work have seen have been like, ex-military troop cars.” Urijah gives a thanking wave, before moving to walk back toward where M.A.D. had set up camp. Kivenaal chuckled, then said,
“According to Kasiya, these are ex-military for his people.” He walked over to the HD-GV Carry All, carefully unlatched the cover, then swung it up and slid it inward to get it out of the way. There, in the engine bay, was the large V16 engine that powered the 10 wheeled beast.
“According to Takaraya, who is Kasiya’s father, if you really mean it, you can get all 10 wheels off the ground over a hill. If you’re looking for him, he’s the big gray wolf with titanium limbs.”
“Woah. That’s a big fucking engine. Wait, all off the ground? Holy… Wow, I might have to come back later when Uri isn’t dragging us around.” Victoria looks back over her shoulder at Urijah and Max walking back to their camp, then back at Kivenaal, with a smile on her face “Still got some of those candies?” Kivenaal nodded, pulling out the bag again.
“Got cinnamon jawbreakers here,” he said, before rummaging through another pocket and holding up, “Some mixed Jolly Ranchers,” followed by, “A slightly smashed bag of Skittles, the good ones before they swapped lime for apple,” and lastly, “Some sour gummy worms. Take your pick.” She pauses for a moment,
“I’ll just take one of the jawbreakers. Adiós, and have a good event. Hopefully no-one gives you any trouble.” She says with a smile. Kivenaal nodded, holding the bag of jawbreakers a bit lower so Victoria could grab one.
“As my people would say, Vuri ada ahd nevuri marin. Means “Strong wind and calm seas,” in Valraad, my native language.”
Maxim and Urijah returned to the Citrine, as Renee clambered down off the top of the Walkenhorst.
“So, how’d the talk go with the cats?” Renee quips as Max opens the rear of the Citrine. Max gives a bit of a sarcastic look, before Urijah cuts in.
“They’re actually really nice people. That cowboy looking one, Kivenaal? Really nice guy, even letting Vic have a look at the car as we speak.” He looks over, noticing Victoria is now on her way back, “Should be good enough for the intro of the doc. Should very much try get some more teams before things kick off tomorrow.” Max closes up the back of the Citrine, entering the conversation, “Honestly, I reckon they won’t even be the weirdest thing we see during this trip.”
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