Shitbox Rally 2024 - Journey to Holsia (Completed, Final Stage Released)

Stage 9: A Savage Business Plan

including Highway Hooligans by @Madrias, Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab, Firulais by @Angelustyle, Fuist by @Djadania, Honey, I bought a Sh!tbox by @Rambow, mentioned only: Shift Happens by @Madrias

“YAAAAAAAAAAWWWWN!”

“Damn, Chanty!”

“Sorry…”

Now, that Jan was away with her, too, both crawled out of their tent. As Thomas slept more or less for half of the previous day, he got up early and had the car already jacked up, with using some planks to have a solid ground that you better not asked where he got these from this time.

“What are you doing there this early?”

“Fixed the window you smashed and now the handbrake. So… it seems you had a very short, or let´s say … eventful night?”

“DON´T SMILE THAT DIRTY! Chanty, where are you going?”

“To Andrea and Pi, my shower buddies. I mean, I won´t go alone.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but after doing some repairs and becoming dirty, I had to make the experience that there are none here. You can wash your hands, that´s all, or maybe hold your hair into the sink.”

“Naaaaaaaaaw! Damn.”

“Could you two please prepare breakfast, I AM HUNGRY AFTER WORK!”

“You are not the only one, dad…”

“JAN! Your job then! I don´t trust Chantal, she will propably eat half of what we have just while preparing.”

When they wanted to proceed to the starting line, Thomas started the engine.
Wrwrwrwr…SRRRRMMMMMMmmmtaktaktaktaktaktaktaktaktaktak…

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”

Thomas turned off the engine and stepped out of the car, walking in a circle with visible despair. Then the withnessed how Chanty tried to sneak back from the front of the car, holding something… silver.

“Chanty? Is that a wrench? WAIT! Don´t tell me you have been knocking on the grille to make me think the engine is gone! JUST DON´T!”

“Eh… I would NEVER, I mean, …eeh…”

In the bush behind, giggling was audible, and Thomas found Cody there.

“Let me guess: That was your idea?”

“Of course.”

“Yeah, really great, when I would have started I might have rolled over my daughter, idiot!”

“You sure that this works with your rear wheels still jacked up? I mean, my grade in physics wasn´t great and I could be wrong, but I am just asking…”

“Ah, CRAP! I knew I forgot something!”

Cody and Chanty could not hold it any longer and bursted in laughter, so that Thomas couldn´t really be mad at them, especially since it was such a pleasant sight to see his daughter having fun and being honestly happy at the moment.

The stage itself was not very spectacular. Thomas was driving fast, but not reckless, and they had to do a fuel stop since the V6 didnt generate power out of nothing. But the roads became bumpier in the last third of the stage, and Thomas managed to hit a pothole very hard, causing the CD (after the cassettes were all played through) to start hanging.

“AAAAAAAAAH TURN THAT OFF! TURN THAT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFF!!”

“CHANTAL! DONT TELL ME YOU ARE STILL SCARED BY A HANGING CD! Please…”

But it had no use, Chantal was already crying from being scared to death by that loud and, well, eerie sound. Thomas had to stop and let navigator Jan change from the passenger to the rear seats in order to calm her panic attack down.

“Thomas, I don´t think you should judge her! Weren´t you afraid of tube radios?”

“Jan, that comparison is unfair, because I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD! Plus, that weird sound when it wasn´t warm and that scary glowing of that thing were really frightening.”

“You were what? HAHAHAHA!”

Finally Chanty forgot to be scared of the scratched CD because she now focussed imagining her father being a scared little boy…

Upon arrival, their “host family” served them some kind of soup. and the portion size was… not exactly what would fill the stomach of both Thomas and Chantal. So Thomas remembered that he could buy sausages from the train, but no coal, as that was sold out. Even the bakery had no coal to sell - they needed that for their own bread oven, leaving Thomas behind with some frustration. And as he already drank beer, Jan was outside exploring nature and Chanty nowhere to be seen again, he couldn´t drive to the nearest larger town where he possibly could get coal.

But Thomas would not be Thomas if he just accepted his fate, a trait that might also grow one time on Chanty, too… by seeing the bath oven, he remembered the WM66 washing machine from GDR, without automatic heater - you had to put that off when having the right temperature, there was a thermometer for it. Thomas used it to boil sausages and wash dishes… and the bath oven in their host family´s bath was tempting. But since Chanty was complaining that she might soon run out of clothes (she won´t objectively, but… its a girl, in the end), he also thought he might be able to fit a drum in it.

The first effort with a wiper motor failed, as this was underpowered. But then Janne entered.

“Here are two beer, as you asked. So, what´s the matter?”

“Can you weld?”

“Looking at that sad fragment of a Primus in front of the house, I think I can at least better than you.”

“You´ll get that back. Anyway, can you repair a defective alternator regulator?”

“I think so. And how should I weld here? With what?”

Thomas connected the battery of his car with two starting cables and an electrode he got out of his toolbox, and a visibly impressed Janne noddeed, and asked for some good sunglasses.
While Thomas boiled sausages, Janne tried to get the alternator back to work, and the host family was thankfully not present because they were all out on the fields working after they waited for the team to give them the keys…
After bathing, cooking and dishwashing, it was soon time for the fourth function: The washing machine… Chanty and also Jan left behind a lot to wash, and Thomas was running out of stuff, too…

Chanty was outside, and crowded by cats and dogs, which she assumed were strays (propably not, but… its not that Chanty could know that), and the hungry animals cuddled with her.

“Meow.”

“I know… but… I have nothing left of the sausages… because… I was hungry msyelf.”

“Meow :(”

"And, … I dont have any money to buy you something.

“Meeeeooow. :(”

“I know, I am useless, I am sorry…”

A desperate Chantal was crying again, when Ana passed by.

“What´s wrong?”

“The animals are hungry and I have no food for them… and no money to get some.”

“Oh, well, they don´t look starving, Chantal.”

“NEITHER DO I, BUT I AM ALSO HUNGRY AS FUCK!”

“AGAIN? Didn´t you just eat?”

“I am at the point I would eat Kivas fried scorpions again…”

“That can´t be hunger, it´s something psychological - you need distraction. Well, I was just looking at these great small and windy roads. What a perfect place for some spirited driving…”

“You are right. The locals can´t really use that with their ancient shitboxes. They barely make it to 60”

“Oh, Chanty, I got an idea. I am going into the nearest town to shop. Should I get you some taxi customers?”

“What?”

“Yeah, one hot 5 kilometer ride plus the way back, 500 Holsian Krona, and you can feed a lot of animals then, I guess. I`ll buy animal food in advance for a 1000 Krona since I guess you will get at least two passengers here. I will drive against you, since I want some fun and the others propably, too”.

“But… with what car? And how did you calculate the price?”

“Yours? I mean, you can drive, can´t you? I will tell some in my team to distract Thomas, so you can get the keys. I guess he leaves them openly somewhere in the house you are accomodated? And come on, just look at the store prices of common things and put it in a fair relation then, so the 500 Krona are more or less … 30 dollars in today´s purchase power. Or 27 Euro, if you don´t know even that excange rate.”

“Yeah, sorry, you know that I am dumb. We need to look for the keys then…”

“Do you expect me now to tell you, naaah, you are smart? No, Chantal, I won´t lie to please people. I honestly got to like you a bit but it´s not that you`re smart, but you have friends and family to help you, so it´s not that much of an issue. You are good at many other things. Ah well, I´ll give you company, you can dye my hair then, because you did THAT as good as a professional hairdresser, really. I think that blue was nice, makes me more individual.”

“So… you like it?”

“Escuchame, Chantal. You are begging to be liked. I don´t need that. I just want to be respected. And you should, too. Almost everyone here in the camp likes you, and I got an idea why now, but the majority also makes fun of you. I would be really upset if that happened to me. Although, you showed me that respect doesn´t need to be deserved by intimidating others, and I am grateful for that. But damn, stop focussing on likes and let us get the car keys now.”

Where the keys were, was also the action right now…

“THOMAS! Isn´t that a bit hot?”

“Yeah well, you can´t just make a 30 degree fire… Fire is hot or it´s not. I better put that out now… but the water is still hot. Damn, I knew there was a difference to the WM66 and it´s the fact the heater isn´t electric but a fire made with wood.”

“Your fault for letting the grabbing stick sliding into the drum. Whose stuff is in there now?”

“Chantys… OH NO. She will kill me if we don´t get it out in time.”

“Yeah Thomas, I can see that.”

“HIDE OUTSIDE. I WILL LET THE ALTERNATOR GO FULL FORCE SO THAT THE DRUM THROWS IT ALL OUT BY THE OPENING! Stay away a bit, since it spills some water that is propably at least 60 degrees…”

“Thomas… are you…yes your are. This does not sound good”

“And it´s making some nasty vibrations… OH LOOK THERE GOES A SCREW.”

“And there… a weld… ONE OF YOURS BY THE WAY. The side that I welded is still holding up, not that this helps now, but I think it is worth a mention. I AM OUT OF HERE, SEE YOU OUTSIDE!”

With a BANG the bathing oven more or less disassembled itself, with a lot of smoke and steam spreading all around the house, thankfully, Thomas jumped out of the window in time and joined Janne in a safe distance.

“Alternators have surprising amounts of power, hm?”

“Yes, they have. And now, Thomas?”

“Collecting my daughters stuff, … if we can find it.”

“Some of it might be in the stratosphere now…drifting pink unicorn t-shirts might not be the perfect motivation for aliens to search for intelligent life on Holsia…”

“DAAAAAAAAAD! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?”

“Why do you think it was me? It could as well have been Janne.”

“BECAUSE I KNOW YOU!”

“The power of genes is surprising, isn´t it?”

Janne grinned a bit and looked at an amused Ana, a Chantal close to a nervous breakdown and a Thomas slowly realizing that his invention had a weak spot - it lacked a correct balancing mass.
Chantal was … well, not amused that some of her clothes were indeed washed to hot and changed from size [no, I am not allowed to reveal that in public] to size 38, maybe 40.

“NOT ALSO MY UNIC… DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!”

“well, doesn´t Andrea took some of yours last stage? I mean, maybe it fits to her, she is really small.”

“Hm, or… Ana, since you have blue hair now again, you might like that too…”

“Nah, Chantal, I am not your barbie doll… I don´t think that… EEH, stop dragging me, heeeeelp… ok, yes, I can at least try, if you want…”

In the end, Ana was not sure what to think.

“Hm. I definitely look more individual now, but … I don´t want to be associated with being cute, I prefer being seen as tough, but I also feel like I am going through a change of my mentality in this rallye, guess what? I`ll take that stuff and see how my team thinks of it, feels less wrong than I thought.”

Ana and Angel, who was very … irritated to see Ana with now really blue hair again and even Chantals style, went off to advertize their racing taxi event, as Angel was immediately in when he heard that it was to feed animals and help Chantal. They returned two hours later.

“So, here I am. A bunch of people will come over to be driven by you.”

“All right.”

“You look scared.”

“I am… I am not good at taking responsibility for others…”

“You do all that for feeding foreign animals, believe me Chantal, you ARE good at it. Just don´t try to crash and it´s fine.”

“But … if another car comes?”

“Here is absolutely not a lot of traffic. But we can block the road, sure. But with what?”

They finally asked other teams to assist them with a little help, using their cars as road block and telling the traffic to wait a bit until the two race drivers arrive. They asked the team Fuist, as they both might be interessed to assist as they actually are race drivers and might enjoy doing the favor without telling anyone what Chantal and Ana are up to, and the team Honey, I bought a shitbox listened, as they were standing nearby, but Clara was busy with doing some checks on their ride, so Vivian smiled at Chantal, as she saw her giving her father a lecture about bringing the spider to the camp and triggering anxiety of others and thought of that as very brave.

“Oh, some wild things your boomer daddy won´t appreciate? I am in for sure! But, what´s in for us, then?”

“So, you would drive with the team Fuist and secure the road for us?”

“Yes, but there is one thing. Clara just won´t do that for nothing. She is VERY competetive and just wouldn´t help the competition… and a bit of a loner, unlike you.”

“But… I am totally broke… all I can offer is… well, myself for whatever she wants to do with me, or…”

“Well, maybe a ride with your car is tempting, as our Pablato is really slow. The one you got there is definitely more fun.”

“But… it´s my dad´s ride… I am not sure if I can do that, he will kill me if something happens…”

“Ah, come on. If you crash, it´s the same problem, and Clara is a great driver. In addition, I assume your dad loves you despite being some oldfashioned dinosaur, at least from what I saw of him to this day.”

“So… eww… ok.”

“Yep, don´t be anxious, it is not really a loss if someone crashes into our Pablato, but Clara will definitely not abuse your car too hard, she is a cold loner but doesn´t want to cause you trouble by being too reckless”

, added Vivian.

Louis turned towards Vivian, visibly relieved.

“So, you are facing the, well, race track then at the finish line, while I am a few meters off in front to warn other cars in time to slow down? Would be great, because my Fuist might be a cheap mass-marked trash vehicle, but it is inherited and it means a bit to me, so I would not want to have it damaged.”

“Sure, grab yourself two camping chairs and some coffee and have a relaxed evening while dealing with irritated locals, we will be where the action is, but I need to talk to Clara first, she´s over there and I will need a bit of time for that, as she is really not the social one of us, depression hits hard”

Louis was a bit irritated.

“But, Vivian… Sorry to state it, but it seems obvious, Chantal is also depressed and the polar opposite, so, how is that possible?”

“Yes, because illnesses can have many different symptoms and outcomes, one is crying and overly emotional, another person can as well be introvert and a loner locking herself in from everyone else. I think it is totally wrong to imagine how somebody has to be just by suffering from a certain condition.”

“Oh, I did not want to be impolite…”

“Louis, that´s fine. Acutally it´s smart of you to ask me such questions instead of quietly judging my wife, Chantal or anybody else.”

Louis and Marceline got in their car and had a chatter, while Vivian talked to Clara, and Chantal and Ana prepared the cars. Taking the keys for the Primus was easy, as Thomas was again distracted with Janne, rebuilding the Nilfertinator 3000.

“So… let´s try again. By the way, Janne, what is that for a weird installation?”

“I added a fourth function. Marie is unbearable when she has no booze, and I need to do Jayde a favor that is… basically, providing him alcohol.”

“Eh… so?”

“It is now also usable as distillery. While your design was great idea, I was able to make it more efficient. These parts are no longer needed. Where to put them?”

“Ill throw it out of the window... well, of whats left of it.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“Oh, sorry Angel, I didn´t see you. Are you ok?”

“Oh, e…e…eh yes, Thomas. You don´t need these parts anymore?”

“No, collected these from some backyard anyway, so that was junk we don´t need to bring back.”

“I think that I have use for them, thanks.”

Meanwhile, it was turning dark. The roadblocks were installed, and by now a group of 20 to 25 people waited for their ride. The first ones were a group of young men that were really irritated to see the driving done by blue-haired girls. While Chantal did all four runs herself, the drivers in the Aurora were changed after every run, first was Ana. She drove a bit reckless, not particulary skilled, but it went well in general. She finished behind Chanty, but the Holsians that were not used to speeds higher than 80 kph were equally excited or even terrified in both cars, needing to… look again at what they ate that day.


The second driver for the Firulais was Josué - and he had a calmer and smoother driving style, so the second run was offered at all “customers” with sensible stomach, with Chanty adapting to the speed of the Aurora to keep it balanced.


As some people asked for a “smooth” ride, after noticing the pale faces of the first group, the third run was almost identical to the second, with Josué and Chantal going for a sane risk level, but still entertaining the locals.

The fourth run was reserved for the daredevil passengers that wanted the scariest experience possible. Angel took over in the Aurora, asking Chanty to send the Primus as hard as she could, then he put on a cássette with Initial D music… not a good sign at all at this point.

Both cars drove hard at the limit, and even if Chanty was quite fast for her limited experience and generally shy nature, she was now so excited that she just focussed on beating Angel. The cars even banged some times, but the damage was superficial - for the Primus, just some rust was shoved off the panels, with similar effect on the Aurora. Every few seconds the lead changed, and the droning four-cylinder of the Aurora tried it´s best, but the Primus was just stronger uphill, but the last part of the improvised track was downhill, and with a totally insane drift, Angel finally passed his opponent and slided as first through the last corner, but Angel forgot about one thing: The Pablato blocking the way for security reasons, and the skidding Aurora missed it only by centimeters.


Clara was the first to react.

“Damn, there missed our insurance money.”

“There also goes some food again, what a waste”

, said Marceline. Vivian was not really willing to look at the dizzy passengers getting out of the cars and being busy with re-dining. Clara turned to Chantal, who lighted a cigarette to deal with what she just saw - Angel almost crashing hard.

“So, this was my part of the deal. Now it is your turn. Keys now.”

“They…are inside… left in the ignition, the engine is running to cool down…”

, answered Chanty, still visibly scared.

“Don´t worry, I will neither harm your car nor the passengers. As soon as they are ready, I will drive them back to the starting line. You can take a seat in the Pablato, Vivian will take you with her.”

Chantal then proceeded to Angel, who was also quite done with his nerves, but remaining professional and very polite to his passengers, as a Japanese should.

“Angel, Cigarette?”

“No, I don´t smoke… but, I could need a drink later, after my driving tasks are fulfilled. I might drive a bit slower then, if my passengers prefer this.”

“YES PLEASE, FOR FUCKS SAKE!”

, was the reply, and Angel might have nightmares for the next sleeping period from what had just almost happened.

Clara luckily didn´t go as fast as she could, but still had great fun pushing the barge hard on the six kilometers of Holsian backroads before handing it back to Chantal.

“Interessing. I could finally try it out one of these old sofas with some engine power. The engine is quite rough for such a luxury car, but the car feels light and really well balanced, while the suspension is on the comfortable size. Don´t these have adaptive dampers at last?”

“Hello, …eh, Clara, I guess? So, they weren´t ordered by the first owner. The whole car is configured very weird, has almost everything but no seat heaters or the suspension upgrades, which were usually the most common. BY THE WAY: CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! GET IN! NOW!”

“I… am dead now. Please…remember me…”

A desperately sobbing Chantal got inside with hanging shoulders as her father who appeared out of nowhere told her, and Angel stood there a bit helpless, not saying anything since he thought he could make the situation only worse. Inside the house, it became a bit loud and definitely more heated than the seats of the Primus ever could without the option ordered…

“You have done that for WHAT?”

“Stray animals… and if enough money is left, maybe feeding homeless. We saw some in the streets… we can not just drive here with such a large car, have fun and get drunk while others have to exist in poverty and remain hungry…please don´t yell at me, just hit me, that is easier for me…”

“Chantal, STOP! Have I ever hit you?”

“No, just thrown things…”

“Yes but not at you but at the wall!”

“Poor wall…poor cups, pillows and pencils… they suffered instead of me… you should aim at me now, with a hammer maybe…”

When Thomas was about to use the duct tape in order to silence his daughter for what she again started to say, Jannes voice was audible.

“READY! I have no idea what drama your freakshow causes again, but I will invite to … Holsian Midsommar now. We really distilled too much to fill that in the bottles we have.”

“THE DISCUSSION IS NOT OVER! YOU WAIT HERE UNTIL I AM BACK, CHANTAL!”

Jan went downstairs, complaining.

“What is this for a shitshow again? I WAS JUST BRINGING THE KIDS TO BED, NOW THEY ARE AWAKE AGAIN! Chanty, please help me calming them down again.”

The pair did its best to make the three kids of the host family, aged from 4 to 9, sleep in peace again, as their parents asked Jan to take a bit of care for them, since they worked as farmers and had to do repairs in the barns and were grateful that they got the time for it with Jan trying to be a nanny.

“Damn, you would be such a good father.”

“Don´t start this topic again.”

“But… you know, this is my dream. Our little happy family. Honestly, how am I doing at this task?”

“Fairly good, actually, you´re really a person that kids seem to like. They are sound asleep. I needed an hour for this.”

“So… how about names for our own kids then? But we need two of them, like all in my family have.”

"Wait what, what is Thomas second name then? I mean, yours is Jolina but I never heard his.

“Peter.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT?”

Thomas Peter Nilfert, coming back to continue the discussion with Chantal, just heard the last part about making him a grandfather, and he immediately freezed in shock, then just gasped for air and decided to get drunk as fast and hard as possible with the others that already enjoyed the freshly made booze.

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Team Chitco
Part 3

Because there was draft that ended up not being saved, quick summary is in order and it covers what fun and interesting stuff might had happened that wasnt covered by some other team
This covers events from Stage 4 to Stage 8

Chanty misses her mom; Lauren is summoned

Salty situation
Talk Jakasxandra and Bong had afterwards can be summarised as “Well Chanty is weird, but so is obviously the case with half of this team. She is good person and enjoyable company.”
Bong, not known to be enjoyable company in most cases, could just agree with daughter.

After events of this Bong had utilised shovel again…to disdain of teammates that figured out the reason
Atleast he is going to have something to do: only time so far someone welcomed one of Marie`s pranks

Pi had experimented with some magic gloves without supervision of someone more qualified. As result, some travel bag was massively set on fire…she kinda got too scared to admit her wrongdoing
Consequences were Andrea`s clothing troubles which inspired talks about how Jakasxandra, for longest time, utilised clothes of good old Mrdja - because back then such was the case with Chitco fellas.
What was not of much bother is her smaller and slimmer build compared to said guy…
Either way, Andrea and Pi using oversized clothes that were generously borrowed was mostly the same, but with more…distinctive outfits.

Almost all links have names used as reference to why they are relevant to this team in particular…but are not limited to just interactions with Chitco team
Exception, while descriptive and informative, is likely too much so for some people and as such is SPOILERED below

SPOILER: Reference of "this"

Half-eaten cat

3 Likes

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 7.1 - DID YOU REMEMBER THE KETCHUP?
(Note: This part is Drur - Hofrost and hence inactual and delayed - I guess I kind of have a writers block now unfortunately - but I am trying to catch up…)

With the new windshield in place and all the butter smell gone, it could have been all fun and games - however, it was not. When all the other teams seemed to get a good start, the IP was standing still.

“Are you going to start this goddamned thing today?”, Marie asked Andreas.

“I can’t find the goddamned choke knob!”, Andreas said. “It must be hidden somewhere under all the duct tape! Give me a knife!”

While trying to cut some duct tape away from the dashboard, the black IP was passed by the gold Primus, which made Marie rather upset.

“HEY SMURFETTE!”, she yelled through the open window. “DID YOU REMEMBER TO PUT KETCHUP ON MR. FLUFFY?”

“Who is Mr Fluffy?”, Andreas asked, while the Primus was suddenly doing some very erratic driving that could be seen through the windshield of the IP.

“Oh, it’s just a…german brand of…fish nuggets!”, Marie tried to lie.

“I am pretty sure it is not!”, Andreas said while the inline six roared to life.

“How could you know that, have you ever been to Germany?”, Marie asked.

“NO, BUT AT LEAST I KNOW WHERE GERMANY IS, YOU PROBABLY THINK THAT IT IS SOME VILLAGE IN SOUTHERN FINLAND OR SOMETHING!”, Andreas said, while losing his patience.

While on the twisty roads, Andreas did his best to try to catch up with the Primus, but with no luck.

"OK, the Primus is the better handler, not gonna lie, 90s luxobarge vs. 70s panel van with well pumped air shocks…, Andreas said, “…but how the fuck is the moron driving? That is going to kill them, I am pretty sure!”

“I hope it does”, Marie said.

“Stupid kid”, Janne said. “Probably thinks she is Sabine Schmitz or something.”

“I wish that she would have been as alive as Sabine Schmitz”, Marie said.

“That was dark even for me…”, Janne answered.

Andreas decided to calm down a bit on the twisty mountain roads, since overtaking the Primus was an impossible task anyway. Soon, they saw a pretty interesting sight though… The Shift Happens AMCW City Shuttle standing at the side of the road with the hazard flashers blinking.

“Should we stop and help them?”, Andreas asked.

“We really should since we got the windshield repaired…”, Janne answered.

“IF JANNE STARTS TO REPAIR A GODDAMNED BUS IT WILL TAKE 12 YEARS UNTIL HE IS FINISHED!”, Marie groaned.

“Uhm, you’re right, no, we won’t stop!”, Andreas answered and pressed the accelerator a bit harder again, once again catching up on the Primus…

"What the fuck…well, I guess they have had a driver change for some reason, that did cost them time, because now Thomas is driving…but he is driving like a maniac too for some reason.

TO BE CONTINUED

(Honestly, this is mostly filler text, but hopefully the next part will be more interesting)

@Madrias @Happyhungryhippo

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TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 8.1 - AS SEEN ON TV

(Now I have managed to catch up, so following parts may be better than the last ones)

The weather had been better than it was when the team jumped into the IP at Hofrost to leave for Talrem. The repaired windshield was a good thing to have now indeed, but much to our friends surprise something else was repaired too…

“Hey, why isn’t the hood some kind of cross between piss yellow and puke green anymore?”, Andreas said. “It is black…almost!”

“I don’t know”, Janne said, while the inline six woke up. “What do you think yourself?”

“Ehrm…”, Andreas said, “…could it be the magic that had spilled over a bit, and…”

“Oh, so NOW you believe that magic works”, Janne said. “How come?”

“NO, I DON’T!”, Andreas answered.

“That fucking magic must suck then.”, Marie said. “I would have done a better paintjob with tar and a toothbrush.”

“I never thought about it like that, but you may be right”, Janne answered.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHH

What the fuck has happened to the wipers?", Andreas said with some confusion in his voice.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH-SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHH!

“That noise drives me crazy!”, Marie said.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH-SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHH!

“I BET THAT IT IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT WHEN YOU ATTACKED THE WINDSHIELD WITH AN AXE!”, Andreas answered. “I bet you broke the wipers then!”

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH-SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHH!

Luckily, they were able to crank up the volume of this masterpiece to somewhat manage to be louder than the wiper. Even the volume of Marie reached somewhat sane levels some beercans later when she passed out inside the car. Reaching Talrem, Andreas wondered if they shouldn’t wake Marie up.

“Nah, she’s in her right element now”, Janne said while Marie was snoring and drooling on some piece of duct tape that was now stuck into her face.

FAST FORWARD TO THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

Waking up alone in the IP, Marie was a bit dizzy and not aware of where she was. But since the cars were all left outside, unsupervised, she understood that the actual camp must have been somewhere else. This was a golden opportunity for her to pull of a prank she learned when watching a certain British TV show…

Getting into the Primus, she put in a CD that was in the IP with some of the prophet’s…eh…bes…nah, most annoying songs.

That was followed with some strategically placed glue on the stereo controls in the Primus. That meant that this CD was now played at full volume, on repeat, and could not be ejected. Furthermore, the stereo could no longer be set to tuner or cassette. Yes, this was just a take on the classic Top Gear prank…

What James May didn’t have in his Golf, however, was an equalizer. The Primus, however had one.

That meant that max bass and max treble was now glued. Some of the sliders in between, however, was glued at the bottom, and the rest was set on totally random values… everything to give a sound quality that was state of the art, out of this world…

Satisfied with what she had done, Marie went back to the IP to sleep there for the rest of the night…

TO BE CONTINUED…

@Happyhungryhippo

4 Likes

Shitbox Rally - Stage 10

Stage 10: Talrem to Prentare

Weather: Temperatures around 0°C, torrential rain turning into snow during the later half of the stage, some thunderstorms, strong winds, and potential frost at night.

Depending on your vehicle class, you’re going to be taking one of two paths to get there.

(A, B, C1 class): The road winds up the mountain pass we approached yesterday. The roads are shitty, steep, and soaking wet with rain, sleet, and snow, making the trip a slow, treacherous slog. Some of you might feel like mountain goats on this trail, climbing the way up to Prentare.

(C and CE class): The lack of space for the largest vehicles means we have to make a substantial and significant detour. We start by going back down to the valley we found yesterday, and following it somewhat around and gradually up the mountain. The roads are still shitty, wet, and coated in snow, but less steep.

Timeloss lost two hours after getting stuck in the snow. Thankfully, they’re able to get it unstuck easily enough, but the broken ball joint is where the two hour “time loss” happens.
(@Fayeding_Spray)

The “Crazy” Eight do one hell of a crazy figure eight as they spin out by accident, and then again deliberately in order to get going in the right direction again.
(@TheYugo45GV)

The Spy Kids find out the hard way that just because it’s cold doesn’t mean you can’t overheat. One serpentine belt later, and an hour cooling down, the German SUV is on the move again.
(@SheikhMansour)

Straight Outta Seratos experiences the joys of driving a rear engine car in the snow, up until the clutch gets stuck. 3.5 hours later, and a new clutch slave cylinder installed, they’re on the road again.
(@Shibusu)

After spinning out four times in the snow, Machinas Con Passione headed on toward the next camp, hoping to make better time there.
(@SurrealCereal)

Ramjet has a brief fight with some electrical gremlins, solved by tightening all the grounding screws. This costs them an hour on the side of the road.
(@JCurtiss96, @Leone)

Prentare is a city of 88,000 people, and like Thornes from before, it’s extremely vertical in nature, built up instead of out. It’s a very dense location.

Our camp is basically all over the roads of the town. Hopefully you’re comfortable driving tent pegs in between the cobblestones… Because that’s how we’re sleeping. There aren’t any official services, but some nearby businesses might be offering the use of their toilets. The support train is parked on a disused rail line that was intended to be a subway system, before the engineers figured out that steam locomotives and lengthy tunnels don’t mix, and then the budget dried up. For the adventurous, there’s a mostly-assembled subway station not far away, almost inviting people to wander around inside… And possibly get some sleep if you didn’t like the idea of being in a tent in town.


Spreadsheet is here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQriVPEky_B00QiZ6lYrtLVt-u3XWPQW7CvfFNFordo91W4o4LYgWKmW6-SchgIpnTR4wQ6cfSyyQfl/pubhtml

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Stage 10: Magic Moments

teams included: Shift Happens by @Madrias, Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab and Firulais by @Angelustyle

teams mentioned only: Chitco by @MrdjaNikolen, Fuist by @Djadania

In the next morning, Thomas had a serious hangover. Jan had to convince him to leave the bed at all, just like Chantal. Thankfully, Thomas can´t remember everything of the previous day, including Chanty doing her racing taxi and planning to make him a grandfather… which is propably a very good thing.

When they were about to proceed to the starting line, the radio of the car was blazing awful music at full volume!

“WHAT SHIT IS THAT? WHO USED THE CAR LAST?”

“CHANTY, WERENT YOU USING IT LAST NIGHT? I SAW YOU DRIVING OFF TOGETHER WITH THE FIRULAIS CAR”

“JAN, YOU DAMN SNITCH! AS IF I WOULD LISTEN TO THIS CRAP? WHAT LANGUAGE IS THAT EVEN?”

“SWEDISH!”

“ALL RIGHT KIDS, WE WILL PAY THIS BACK TO THE HILLBILLYS! BUT FIRST HELP ME TURNING OFF THE RADIO BY GIVING ME THE FUSE DIAGRAM!”

“DAD, DOES THIS MEAN WE HAVE NO MORE MUSIC?”

“FOR TODAY, DEFINITELY!”

A very disappointed Chanty then looked at her headphones as if she wanted to marry them, and then just put them on and solved the problem for herself with that.

The way up on narrow and muddy roads was quite slow and challenging, and Thomas was very happy to have fitted more or less still roadworthy all-season-tires on the car, so that the large RWD car could be kept on course, and a bit of playing with the traction control switch allowed for a good balance between not getting stuck and not skidding off the road. When Thomas and Chanty had a smoking break, they were surprised how much colder it was now, and had to grab pullovers to enjoy their cigarettes, and they hoped that it will be not THAT cold in Prentare, and the snow/rain combination would stop.

“What is this place here?”

“Prentare.”

“Looks like a shrunken capital. So, I can´t see a campsite, we are right in the city center.”

“There is none.”

“So, a hotel again? GREAT! My back was already getting used again to a proper bed yesterday. And even if the weather is now a lot better, its still cooooold if your aren´t kissed by the sun´s rays…”

“If the roadbook doesn´t lie, … we sleep in the streets.”

“WHAT? NO WAY I AM LIVING LIKE A HOMELESS!”

“Thomas, this might be a humbling experience for you then.”

“I SAID NO WAY. You can do what you want, but I will book a hotel room.”

“And that from someone born and raised in a socialist country, weird.”

“JAN! I HAVE BACK PAIN!”

“You skipped the biking excercises that you promised for two stages now. You should do that now, or do you want to die early?”

“Yes.”

Chanty, who just switched her headphones off and stopped dancing with herself, gave her father a hard slap with the roadbook, again crying and clearly being sad.

“DON´T SAY THAT! IF YOU DIE, I WILL KILL YOU!”

“Calm down, I meant yes to… that I should do cycling today… ok??”

A still crying Chanty then firmly hugged her father, pointing out that she saw a propably abandoned bike at the roadside only a few blocks away, and that she will get it for him, while Thomas organized a table in a nearby restaurant.

Thomas tried to read out what was written on a special offer advertizing, doing that loudly to make the translator ring translate it.

“I SUCK D—S!?”

Some heads turned towards Thomas, with a range of facial expressions going from amused to really offended.

“Nah that can´t be accurate, I need to work on my pronounciation of Holsian…”

Now as Thomas seems to talk with a ring, the locals just thought he … is an inpatient from the local hospital´s mental ward and didn´t bother much. Then, he finally read it out correct.

“ALL YOU CAN EAT. Well, that´s for us then, definitely. Let´s go in before that glutton gollum finds out then, because that discount troll and my little monster don´t work well together at buffets.”

The Rhinos entered the restaurant with only two members, as Chantal wanted to do something first that would make her hungry… And… well, the restaurant owner regretted it already when Thomas took his fourth dish, but then Chanty entered, excusing herself that she sweated a lot and needed a shower at a nearby public bath first… and started eating. Why she carried some bench seat… is a mystery for now only she knows the answer to.

The “All you can eat” advert was… removed even before Chantal finally considered herself some kind of saturated.

“Chanty,… you better stop now.”

“But why? Itff deliffiouf. Mmm.”

“The waiter and the cook will kill you soon if you don´t stop ruining them. So, eat your dessert and let´s get out of here.”

“Deffert? Whif deffert?”

“HOW DID YOU EAT THIS UP NOW? IT WAS STLL HERE NOT EVEN A MINUTE AGO! Move it Chanty, I better give them some tip… YOU BLACK FOOD HOLE!”

After finally leaving and relieving the restaurant owner, Chantal showed her father the bike, but Thomas already cheated by using a starter wired to… the battery of his car that was taped in place in the rear, building an E-Bike, since Thomas didn´t really want to do excercising.

“THOMAS! THAT IS CHILDISH CHEATING!”

“It´s not. I promised you to ride a bike, and I DO RIDE A BIKE NOW.”

“NO! This isn´t sport, that´s just… ah come on, it´s your fault then if your heart finally gives up.”

“YELLOW CARD, JAN! Don´t speak up to me like that! I warn you once, not twice!”

“Yeah, Thomas the Temper Engine, I see!”

Chanty was now having another panic attack from seeing her loved ones arguing, and jumped onto the bike and accellerated hard, as the starter of the car does have some force to crank that large V6 engine.

“DAMN! THIS BIKE DOES NOT HAVE THE BRAKES ADAPTED! STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!”

But it was too late, Chanty was already out of sight, and lost control with the extreme accelleration, unable to slow down with the almost non-existant brakes, and managed to hit a lamppost with high speed, and to put it mildly, after encountering Maries rage, she looked a lot better than now. Sadly, Marie was standing next to her now, as the Hillbilly Rollers were leaving a pharmacy, buying Marie some pills against her hangover headache. Janne was almost wiped off the sidewalk from the uncontrolled bicycle.

“OH SHIT! That was painful! Chantal! HEY, CHANTAL! CAN YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”

“Yes… DAMN! THIS HURTS!”

“You don´t get my painkillers, smurfette!”

“MARIE, YOU ARE NOT ASKED!”, answered an annoyed Andreas.

“Can you stand up?”

“I can´t… use my legs”

, cried Chanty, overwhelmed by the shock.

“Well, if you are now paralyzed, you can maybe ask your daddy for a wheelchair from Primus, these cars look like prescribed from doctors anyway!”

“SHUT UP!”

, yelled Janne and Andreas, perfectly sychronized, but what Marie said was already processed in Chantys brain, who was now terrified and cried even more, so that she was totally unable to communicate with others anymore.

“I wish that would have happened to you, Marie”

“Come on, Janne, you know that bikes are for kids and environmentalists only. So, that leftist kid got what it deserved.”

“You should be happy that you didn´t get what you deserve - YET!”

Janne tried to calm Chanty down and checked her for serious injuries.

“We will carry you to Shift Happens, they can perform magic, so that can be cured easily, if it is no serious injury.”

“Yeah, but this looks serious.”

“Andreas, I am NOT BLIND.”

In that moment, Jan and Thomas appeared out of nowhere, and very exhausted, as they ran as fast as they could. Thomas visibly suffered from seeing Chantal in that state, and tried to ease himself up with black humor.

„At least it´s the lamppost in front of a pharmacy, so the way is short to get medical supplies… and the hospital is right over here.“

„No, Thomas, we need some magic. I don´t want to hand her out to people with 1930s knowledge and instruments. When they see how her mental health is, they will propably lobotomize her. I will now use the emergency ring!“

„Fine, Jan, but they already weren´t able to help her with magic when we asked last.“

„That is something way more serious than feeling homesick. Actually, they did help us with magic already, remember when you had a weird feeling where I was when I insisted on walking ? That was them doing magic.“

“They should magically let her disappear instead, that would do us all a favor”

, said Marie, with Thomas heating up even more.

“YOU GOLLUM WILL NOW GO AWAY AND LEAVE MY DAUGHTER IN PEACE, OR I WILL STUFF YOUR MOUTH!”

“Looking at your daughter, you have already a hard time stuffing her mouth with food, but Jan could need a bit more to eat.”

Thomas pushed Marie, who … had problems keeping balance, as she was even a lot heavier than Chantal, and she fell almost on Chanty that would have become flat as a pancake, so Thomas tackled her to change the direction towards … hard cobblestone.

“AAAAAAAAAAARGH SHIT!”

“What is it Thomas?”

“I think that gollum is even so heavy that I broke my arm at the contact. FUCK!”

In just that moment, Shift Happens arrived, called by Jan with the emergency ring. They improvised with a bench seat in their bus as bed for Chanty, while Thomas, still standing on two feet, was checked outside since Chanty, now crying less and again aware of what happens around her, should not see her father being injured. Angel sent Ana to comfort Chanty a bit, as he himself didn´t dare to join - that much stress might trigger a mindreading incident. Jayde was setting up his stuff, while Lauren dried Chantys tears with her furry paw.

“So, it will be all right, Ana is here since someone will have to guide you to your campsite, as our magic drinks include a lot of alcohol…, and Andrea and her centaur friend… Ah, Pi, yes, that tattoo on Andrea is really a good reminder, were also here. They both can´t see blood so I told them to come back later, and sorry for throwing Jan out, but he was just too nervous and is propably better off preparing your campsite, as you are not in real danger. So, many people look foward to be hugged by you as soon you walk out of here.”

“That means…that I … have almost as many friends as diagnosed mental illnesses? Really?”

“Of course you have, and…”

“LAUREN! Can you please come over?”

Kiva interrupted them, and Lauren excused herself and went outside, and Jayde pointed on his casted arm.

„We need to make sure nothing is broken, as we can´t fix that easy. It would be a very risky magic spell, and we don´t even try that on ourselves because of the possible complications. Ana, I could you please do that? It might be easier if a friend touches her, and I need to get some herbals.“

Ana did as ordered, and Chanty cried a lot, as some pressing here and there caused some pain.

“Eh, if you still feel pain on everything, you are definitely not paralyzed, so, forget about what that hillbilly monster said, do you understand?”

“Yes… but… how bad is it? It feels like nothing is in place anymore?”

„Oh, oh, quite a lot broken, but guess what? There will be enough space on that giant cast for all people to sign it!“

Chantals eyes became empty as if her soul was leaving her, and Ana already regretted being sarcastic, but even if Ana changed a bit towards Chantys mentality, it doesn´t mean it would make her a totally different person in a couple of days.

“Please kill me!”

“THAT WAS A JOKE, SORRY! I thought… you would take that one better. After all you´ve told, getting into bad accidents isn´t new to you, so… I thought you`d be more relaxed…”

Outside, Kiva explained Lauren the problem.

“Thomas just wouldn´t calm down because we can´t heal his broken arm.”

“Well, we can actually, but don´t recommend it.”

“I DONT CARE! I have to work when we are back and I can´t need an useless arm then. I am not sitting at some fancy glass office in the city center, I AM A DAMN CAR MECHANIC! AND MY CUSTOMERS… AAAH! RELY ON ME! And not to forget…I … so, I … urgh. Where was I?”

“OH NO! Heart attack. Kiva, get Mani, now. And don´t let Chantal notice any of this! She´s feeling bad enough already.”

Inside, Jayde came back with some kind of… a drink, and asked Ana how Chantys state is.

„Surprisingly, she doesn´t seem to have anything broken. Just… well, in a fight between concrete and skin, the skin rarely wins. I mean, she is well-cushioned, so that is useful I guess.“

“But there was no pillow, just a fucking hard lamppost”

, cried Chanty, going through the shocking event of the impact once again. Jayde signalized Ana NOT to explain what she meant with “well cushioned”…

„We can try this magic drink then. Chantal, I will now make you sit up to drink it, this can hurt a bit, but you will be better soon.“

Jayde served Chanty something that… tasted the worst she has ever tasted, it was exactly like she imagined the sponge of the school chalkboard to taste, that was older than herself at that point and developing into some own kind of lifeform…. Added up by a spice resembling Thomas unholy chili wodka a lot.

Outside, Mani had to perform very dark magic with a lot of time pressure.

“Mani, he is almost dead, please, make it quick!”

“You forget that I can raise the dead if needed, I am not just a healer like Jayde, I am an actual magician. When I have to somehow fix this heart, I can as well also heal the arm. Now that Thomas has almost left this world, you can also put the bone in position, he won´t notice too much of it. But I don´t want to perform this out here where others can see me. This will cause me losing focus and also spectators would consider me an evil person for doing that dark stuff.”

“But Chantal is inside, she will notice then…”

“We have to risk that, if it´s that bad I can as well make her forget with another spell, lets carry him into the bus.”

Lauren did as asked, and Mani took a bit of blood from Thomas´nosebleed he also got from having enemy contact, and ripped off Thomas clothes, and writing mysterious runes onto him while spelling something that sounded really, really scary. After a 10 minute procedure, Mani sunk to the floor of the bus, totally exhausted.

“That… was exhausting. I have rarely used so much power in such a short time period. His heart… well, even if he didn´t become that upset today, I guess he would not have made it to the end of the rallye in either case. I can´t tell how long it will be fine now, but I guess it will give him 3 or 5 more years he can spend with his loved ones, maybe even more.”

Lauren gently took Manis hand.

“You did great. Plus, Chantal already got her medicine from Jayde… with… the usual side effect. She was immediately so fucking drunk that she didn´t notice anything that happened over here. Will Thomas wake up now?”

“No, propably not before tomorrow, by then the arm should be… well, maybe not totally fine, but he can use it again with only a slight pain. Damn, that medical bill will be …expensive, Thomas. Don´t get another heart attack over it, old man!”

“Mani, that´s a dark joke. Anyway, I guess he won´t mind you plundering his booze. I suggest you do it already now before writing the invoice because… Marie will definitely use the opportunity when she sees Thomas sound asleep!”

After exiting the bus, Chanty, totally lost and drunk, told Ana then what she did before joining the all you can eat: She removed the bench seat from the IP of the Hillbilly Rollers that now have to deal with… that revenge sabotage, but Chanty fell so hard in her home dialect that the translator ring failed, but… Ana had enough to laugh about anyway, as a drunk smurf is also something funny.

“Also, da habbsch mir also de Schraubnschlüssl jenomm, dis jing eigntlsch janz einfach… war abbor bissl schwers Ding da wegzutragn… ssch wees jarnimmor wosch dis hin hab…”

“Chantal, I have no idea what you are telling me, but I am convinced it´s great, yeep. So, while you tried to not to fall over your own feet, I asked Louis and Marceline, and they said Jan has put your sleeping bags in that unused subway station since he thought that´s the best rain protection. Can I leave you alone then?”

“Suuuuureeee…I`m just a lil delulu…”

“Oh, you don´t say?”

When arriving at the subway station, Chanty ran towards Jan and gave him a love overdose, and Jan was a bit irritated.

“Damn, are you drunk? But its good that you are fixed now, that was really hard to watch after the accident… but where is Thomas?”

“SSSH! Jan! Come over to me, I can not explain this loudly in the presence of her…”

Ana told Jan that Thomas escaped death once again with a lot of luck and black magic, and Jan was actually very furious at Marie now, asking Ana if she could take Chanty with her as he has to do something, then Ana remembered that she hasn´t given Chanty her share of the taxi rides yet, and would motivate her realizing her plans to feed the poor and hungry of Holsia, and that Angel will definitely help her with that.


An hour later, Chanty was already distributing animal food at the few strays in town, and since homeless also looked for shelter down there in the abandoned subway station, she thought about them and bought some snacks… with Angel more or less managing most of it as Chanty was too drunk, but felt great for being able to help others, but she worried a lot about Thomas and knocked, a bit less drunk by the end of the day, at the bus doors, and Lauren was stepping outside.

“Oh, Chantal, what´s the matter? We were already going to sleep, if it´s urgent, tell me, but otherwise you can come over tomorrow.”

“Is my dad ok? He is not at our … eh, campsite, although it basically isnt a campsite, but…”

“Yeah, I see, he still needs some rest.”

“Is it serious? Can I see him?”

“Chantal, look, I can promise you he is just exhausted, nothing serious, we fixed that broken arm and some extreme fatigue is the usual side effect of black magic, he will join you tomorrow in good shape.”

Lauren did not tell Chantal about the next almost lethal heart attack, as… Mani fixed the worst of his cardiac issues for some time now, and Chanty would not need any more bad news after having a stressful day herself.

“Can´t you fix … my shitty personality with that black magic, too? Like… making me less dumb and more happy, so I don´t annoy the others any more?”

Lauren sighed, then hugged Chantal and gently stroked her head.

“Chantal, you are perfect the way you are. I think even if your loved ones are a bit stressed with you, they would not want anyone to change a single thing about you. And the only one being able to make you happy… is yourself, and I think you were already on a good way today, but don´t forget about yourself when helping others.”

Jan, on the other hand, took away the itching powder from the host family´s oldest kid back in Talrem when he was doing the “babysitting”, but forgot to give it back, which he regretted since he promised to do so. On the other hand, this would be a good thing to put in Maries clothes, which he successfully did, but was then caught by Andreas…

2 Likes

Stage 10

Pov: Team HIBS (Honey I Bought A S#!tbox) 30 minutes into the stage, and in 3rd place, set to be their best result of the season.
(If you are struggling to figure out who’s speeking, they take it in turns, and frequently address the other by name)


“Well, this is more like it Viv isn’t it? Finally among the top runners”

“I will admit, its taken a while for anything mildly interesting to happen, and perhaps putting on all-terrain tires for a rally mostly on the road wasn’t the best idea”

“Hey, when I repaired this pile of junk T4 from the scrap parts you so generously got me. I built a rally car. None of this hosy posy round the roadsy we’ve been doing for 9 stages.”

“Hey, it was not scrap, those were premium parts from 1979”

“So, thats why they rotted away”

“That was only surface corrosion and you know it”

“Oh sush, besides, the only reason you got me those was definitely just to hang out with me…”

“No it was not”

“Was too”

“Was not”

“Was too”

“Clara, I only fell for you after I got the parts and was forced to listen to your wacky ideas about fitting a winch to a road car, remember?”

“Correlation, not causation.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense”

“Does too”

“Does not”

“Does too”

“Does… Wait, is that…”

“You aren’t gonna win an argument that eas…
Holly S#!tbox, MCP has stopped for fuel, we’re up into 2nd place.”

“And it was my genius plan to fill the car before we left.”

“You only did that because you thought there wouldn’t be any fuel stops up here”

“Hey, it worked didn’t it”

“Ok Viv, you win this round, but its not like we are moving at an exactly blistering speed”

“Hey, 19mph is perfectly fast for me thank you, any faster and we’d be down there…”

Roadside cliff

“Yikes, dont remind me”

“Go any faster and I will”

“Shut up”


Little did the bickering couple know, that 2 minutes ahead, was Faolan Industries, who had a poorer average speed, and were losing time to them in the steeper hills, and just another minute behind, were the interceptors, which weren’t really living up to their name, and were not exactly closing in on them.


“Ok, there’s no way we are getting up that”

“I beg to differ”

Its a 36° gradient, and we have front wheel drive

“True, but now you will see the genius of my engineering”

“You mean the consequences of your design
mistakes?”

“I didn’t see you stop me while I was struggling for days fitting a winch to a car with no anchor points. You were too busy staring at me. Meanwhile, I wa busy being the true visionary of this team, by fitting that winch”

“That we haven’t used yet”

“Well, im about to”

“You cannot be serious, that would put in jeopardy our best finish so far, and given the upcoming smooth roads and highways, probably ever”

“As stupid as it sounds, I spent days fitting this thing and if the only use if have for it is blocking traffic while
some other team hosts racing events on the road ahead, I am going to lose it.”

“Ok then, have it your way, but you are setting it up, and im driving”

But im the driver,

“Nope, should have checked the T’s and C’s when you married me”

“Which were?”

“I can take over driving the S#!tbox whenever I like”

“Im pretty sure that wasn’t in the wedding lisence”

“Just do it Clara”

UGHHHHHH, FINE”


As Clara began setting up the whinch onto a tree at the top of the slope, they heard an alarming noise. The distant grumble of a 1989 5.5L V8, approaching at the blistering speed of 16 mph.


“Claraaa, the Interceptors are catching upppp”

“Shut up I know”


Before they knew it, the Interceptors had inched their way by on the narrow road, taking the shallower but longer road, and were up into second place.


“Great, fanatic, phenomenonal, spectacular, amazin…”

“Stop with the adjectives, im working on it”

“Well work on it faster, even MCP will catch up at this rate”

“Ok, Give it some beans”

“The car doesn’t have any beans, its from 1974”

“Just do it, I’ll do the winch”

Slowly, the car began to accend the 75% gradient with the aid of the winch, which actually seemed to work.

“Yes, yes, come on Viv, more power”

“That’s literally all I got.”

“Well, lets hope its enough”

“Atleast we’re moving, im just wishing we get out ahead of the guys who just overtook us”


Over the next 2 minutes the car slowly made its way up the steep gradient untill it was firmly at the top on the other road.


“Lets hope that shortcut was enough, now out”

“But I just started drivingggg”

Out

“Fine, but you better push it hard, there’s no way we came out ahead of them after that little stunt.”


But as it turned out, they had. Accidentally they’d chopped a whole minute off by accidentally circumventing the narrowest section of the route, where overtaking would have been impossible, and they would have been slowed down by the teams ahead.
They continued bickering till they crossed the line, and they were absolutely shocked to hear where they placed.


“What!?”

“Haha, you owe me a drink”

“Clara, you dont drink”

“Did i specify in a bar? Im going to order the most expensive milkshake money can buy, and you’re gonna pay for it.”

“How come?”

“Its in the T’s and C’s of marriage silly ‘Vivian must buy Clara a drink if she successfully winches a car up a slope and gets them a stage win’.”

“The lisence definitely does not say that”

“Does too”

“Does not”

“Does too x2 triple lock I love you”

“Damit. It’s impossible to say no to you”


And with that Vivian went to the nearest café (which in such a sparsely populated area wasn’t easy) and ordered a single, large strawberry milkshake. Still having absolutely no idea how the currency worked in this world, they of course overpayed.


“Yum”

“Are you going to share?”

“Maybe, what number am I thinking of?”

“Number one?”

“Howd you tell?”

"Because we won obviously "

“Well, not exactly, grab a straw”

4 Likes

Team Firulais

Stages 9 and 10: Ángel’s Solution, Initial D Style Driving, a Crude Invention and a History Lesson

(Mentioning: The Rhino Squad [@HappyHungryHippo])

Early Morning at Hofrost
Ángel’s Explanation

As soon as the team woke up, they looked from afar to the confused Hillbilly Rollers. However, they didn’t approach… Plus, Ángel’s Artwork wasn’t all that appreciated.

As they made breakfast though, Ángel decided to explain what happened last night.

Ángel:“So, now I explain. When you guys were out, I was talking to different people all across camp. I had 4 Mind Reading Accidents that afternoon and later I took a decision which you may have noticed…”
Josué:“Which was taking the car.”
Ángel:“Bee-bo. And what I did then was taking the car, all the way to a place rural enough so I couldn’t have Mind Reading Incidents…”
Ana:“What do you mean ? That, you were far enough from civilization so you couldn’t read their minds ?”
Ángel:“Yeah, that was the idea. While I suffered a bunch of migraines that afternoon, I think I found a solution. Hopefully the next town is small enough for me to continue getting away with it…”
Josué:“Just… Don’t take the car next time.”
Andrés:“Or, at least, when we wake up, be there with the car early.”
Ángel:“I will. By the way, I… Giving it a second thought, I think Tomás should drive today.”
Tomás:“Oh… Okay.”

Besides that breakfast conversation, and some more, the rest of Stage 9 was normal.

They later helped Chantal with some business opportunity, and Ángel got a bit of scrap metal before that, after Thomas’ Attempt to make a Washing Machine and Dryer failed… But after the driving, Ángel was on a bit more than trying to sleep. In fact, he wasn’t sleeping.

He had given some thought and decided to use the scrap metal of the Nilfertinator 3000 to make some sort of rudimentary version of an Air Conditioning Unit… Consisting of a Fan, a tiny water pool, and some tubing.

Little did Ángel know, making such thing was useless in an ambient like this… But he had good intentions.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t finish it before it was too late in the night, recurring to sleep as late as 6-Moon-55. At least he later got a place to sleep in Talrem; someone had decided to rent Ángel a shed for the night. Not only allowing him to work on his rather silly project a bit further, but also allowing him to finally sleep in somewhere… a little less cramped.

Morning at Talrem…
Ángel takes command.

After a rather uneventful morning, and some eating at the local bakery, Ángel decided he’d drive for the remaining stages… A decision which was, initially, slightly panned, but, ultimately accepted.

However, another thing caught the eye of the team.

Josué:“What is that ?”
Ángel:“What ?”
Josué:“That.”

Said Josué, pointing at Ángel’s “A/C Unit”.

Ángel:“Ahhh, you mean, my invention… Yeah, it’s some sort of rudimentary Air Conditioning Unit… I know we are on the mountains, but, maybe it can make our day more enjoyable when we reach warmer lands.”
Josué:“So, how does it work ?”
Ángel:“Up front, a fan which is activated by the wind and blows inwards. In the middle, a small water pool, preferably with cold water. In the back, tubing which leads to the cabin.”
Josué:“So, a swamp cooler.”

Ángel stayed confused given how he didn’t even knew that was the actual name…

Ángel:“Uhhh… Yeah.”
Josué:“Well… Keep working on that. I’m glad we may finally have A/C by the late stages of this…”

After giving it some more work, Ángel decided to work on it further by the next town. He hadn’t finished yet… which was good, as the Swamp Cooler wasn’t exactly going to be useful in cold weather…

Road to Prentare.
Yumeisotitanian History Lesson

As they drove further and further into the mountains, at a rather sedate pace, Ana came up with a rather… Peculiar question…

Ana:“Ángel ?”
Ángel:“Yes ?”
Ana:“Why do you have mind reading, and telepathy, and all that ?”

He initially hesitated, but shortly afterwards he decided to tell them.

Ángel:“Should I tell you ? It’s a bit of a long story.”
Ana:“Yeh, I mean, we aren’t going exactly fast thru here, so, c’mon, talk to us a bit, time flies when you talk.”
Ángel:“Well… To start with things… Do you know what a Yumeisotitanian is ?”

The silence meant they didn’t know.

Ángel:“OK, so, Yumeisotitanian Humanoids are, essentially, an out-worldly species, which arrived to earth around the 15th or 16th Century. Why are they called Yumeisotitanians ? Because they come from the planet of Yumeisotitania, a small and rather unstable planet, which every few hundreds of years, has a “Snapping”.”
Tómas:“What’s a “Snapping” ?”
Ángel:“Well… To put it simply… Imagine Earth. Then imagine a small portion of the earth suddenly breaks apart from the rest. Then the planet terraforms to adapt to this sudden change. The break apart part is arguably the quickest. The Terraforming process is done mainly because the bits affected by the Snapping are in the Oceans, and usually only take water, or, in other cases, really tiny islands, and said process of Terraformimg takes a while… Well, in one particular snapping, as many as 5000 Yumeisotitanians were taken along with their Islands, and this was the Snapping that brought Yumeisotitanians to Planet Earth.”
Andrés:“So… How did they survive if they drifted along so long ?”
Ángel:“Being honest with you, I don’t know… In any case, the arrival to Earth was surprisingly quick. Most of the Yumeisotitanians landed on the Oceans… This time, the oceans of Planet Earth, and most notably, the Pacific Ocean, the Indian Ocean, and the North Atlantic Ocean. And most drifted towards the continents, while others to the Islands around those Oceans… Most Yumeisotitanians live in Japan, but they are now spread across the globe.”
Josué:“Interesting…”
Ángel:“I mean, they also are in Russia, Certain bits of the US, Canada, Chile, all across Asia, the Pacific, certain bits of Africa, Iceland, Greenland, Scandinavia, and bits of Southern Europe.”
Josué:“Any notable features ?”
Ángel:“Uuhhh… Maybe their powers. Aside from that, we are probably very weak compared to some other species we may encounter across the rally. Like, I asked a storekeeper at Lauda if he knew about Yumeisotitanian Magic. He obviously didn’t, but, from what I could see at the store, Aetheriian Magic is very, very strong… Or at least, stronger than Yumeisotitanian Magic, that’s for sure. I know we are a somewhat capable species, but, I’m pretty sure we have still a massive lot to learn…”

There was a brief moment of silence.

Ángel:“Oh, and, Tómas. Remember when I had my first Mind Reading Incident at Nevada ?”
Tómas:“Yes.”
Ángel:“Well… One of the bits of what I said there was in Yumeisotitanian.”
Josué:“You guys have your own language ?”
Ángel:“Wita !”
(In Yumeisotitanian:“Yes !”)

Before they even realized, they reached Prentare.

Afternoon at Prentare
A Mildly Busy Day.

What they planned to be a rather easy stop at another small city turned out “well”, as just a few hours after arriving, Ana and Ángel noticed how Chantal got herself in a little bike crash. Ángel sent Ana to the rescue, as he wanted to avoid Mind Reading Incidents for a while.

What he did, instead, was continuing to work on his invention… Working on that swamp cooler in the middle of the street wasn’t exactly a practical, quiet, or comfortable task, but, as the sun came down, Ángel’s Swamp Cooler was finished. He bolted it to the Roof, and instead of cutting a hole in the roof to make the cold air go inside… he looked at the cracked rear-right window of the Aurora… He had an idea, but executing it in the middle of the streets wasn’t exactly going to be good… At least, if he didn’t want to get in any more trouble. So he left that for the next day.

Later in the day, Ángel helped Chantal delivering food to stray animals and homeless people… Not only he enjoyed helping, but also, the abandoned subway station put him to think about something.

“What if… I sleep here ?”, he wondered.

Effectively, Ángel would sleep for the night in the Subway Station… It’d be his first experience as a homeless person… Of sorts… But same as the stop at Talrem, he was actually glad to find somewhere to sleep… And somewhere spacious to sleep in. He just hoped not to catch any disease by the morning.

(As always, Collabs are open for everyone…

Gee, this felt a lot like filler text…)

1 Like

Shitbox Rally - Stage 11

Stage 11: Prentare to Asda

Weather: Low teens, colder early on in the stage, cloudy, minimal rain/ snow, and windy


While yesterday brought us to new heights, today shows us that everything that goes up must eventually come back down. Most of the crews will have no issue with the road out of camp, as it’s not as steep, not as wet or caked in snow thanks to remarkably effective road clearing services, and a little better maintained than yesterday’s mountain-goat trail. For those in CE class, you’ll have to make a detour again. The observant ones among you will notice that, well… A section of this trip is the same road from yesterday. However, once you get to the valley, you turn left at the intersection, going the other way.

Another deafening bang announces that Shift Happens had tire trouble. Team Firulais joins them in running over the same piece of debris and popping both passenger side tires. The Interceptors blow a tire quite a while later, but waste no time getting it swapped out. The Spy Kids also have to stop and replace a burst tire, as does team Honey I Bought a S#!tbox. Machinas Con Passione finally catches up to the group after a popped tire swap, the car sounding a lot shittier now than it did when it started. Troublesome Trio and Theo also had a flat to fix, which they did with ease.
(@angelustyle, @AndiD, @SheikhMansour, @Rambow, @SurrealCereal, @06DPA)

The brakes on Timeloss’ car start to fade really, really badly. They stop to fix the problem with some new brake pads, brake rotors, and fresh brake fluid, losing two hours.
(@Fayeding_Spray)

The “Crazy” Eight have to replace a headlight after a minor fender bender with one of the local truck drivers. Luckily, the ‘30s-era truck they bumped is tough, and minimal damage was done to it.
(@TheYugo45GV)

Snork’s Tuners had their trouble free streak end in a huge cloud of steam. One of the radiator hoses has burst, and it takes 3.5 hours to find a replacement one in their spare parts, get it installed, and refill the radiator.
(@charlemagnejv3)

Ramjet has to stop on the side of the road to fix a serious engine issue, as the wagon starts backfiring loudly. 3.5 hours, new spark plugs, fixing the fuel system, and a roadside tune-up later, they’re back on the move.
(@JCurtiss96, @Leone)


Asda is a small village housing 1433 people in it. It’s clearly a forestry village, with a “banking handoff yard” nearby - Thanks to their charcoal fuel, Holsian banking locomotives can’t quite do the whole climb in one shot, so they come here to refuel while another locomotive takes over to push the big, heavy trains over the mountain. It’s a relatively simple and modest mountain village, not too big, but not too small, either, for the amount of people there.

Our camp is in that handoff yard, thanks to the train being there. Unfortunately, it’s on a lovely 3% grade, so everything’s a little bit… tilted. The same, honestly, can be said about where we’re camping, so try to make sure your sleeping bags, bedrolls, and tents don’t roll downhill… Or your cars, for that matter. For safety, the cars will be parked lower down the hill than the tents… So that accidents don’t happen. There are wooden outhouses around, but if you want a shower… You’ll have to do that in the rain.


Spreadsheet is here: SR2024 Stage Results - Google Drive

2 Likes

Team Chitco
Part 3

Stage 9 was somewhat uneventful to this team if we exclude driving on roads too narrow for anyones liking. There certainly was an effort by some locals to accomodate but this was clearly very overwhelming to them

Going from Talrem to Prentare on Stage 10 did brought out the fact that Kontir has 4X4 and manual locker differential. Still pace on hand was less than exceptional, and it wasnt helped by the need to refuel from additional fuel cans at freezing temperatures…which would then need to be promptly refilled along the remaining fuel tank when some gas station WAS reached. Sleep was partially achieved in car itself and partially in subway station that seemed to be refuge to some other teams as well: most notably Jakasxandra was exploring around said station in time when sleep just wouldnt set

Stage 11 also wasnt seeming too eventful itself if we exclude lovely tilt indicated in post above. Car was again one of possible points of sleep and nobody felt desire for shower.
Seems that the whole thing is going smoothly

2 Likes

Shitbox Rally - Stage 12

Stage 12: Asda to Dalhus

Weather: Mid teens, full clouds, and windy.


This time, as everyone leaves the camp, it’s obvious that the road is at least wide enough to support all of the vehicles, but other than that, it’s much like yesterday: mostly driving downhill, still nestled in the mountains, and still a rough time for those larger vehicles due to a few narrow spots and numerous switchbacks. As we get closer to Dalhus, however, the mountains gradually taper off into hills, a sign that we’re through the worst of the mountains.

Shift Happens pulls off to the side of the road as a team twists the SOS ring, calling for help. Kasiya, Inaelus, Manikihali, Kivenaal, and Sariya head outside, rift-walking straight to the location of the trouble.

GECA requests help after two rogue members attack Valentin, leaving him badly injured and halfway down a significant hill. The two rogue agents have teleported home with their rings, and after someone turns their SOS ring, help arrives in a hurry. Inaelus focuses on getting the rest of GECA to head to camp to grab their stuff while Mani brings Norse and Val to Earth with one of his rifts. Once Mani gets back, well, he joins the rest of Shift Happens in picking up bits of carbon fiber bicycle, and cleaning blood off of the road. The rest of GECA arrives in camp 3 hours later than expected, and Shift Happens spends 5 hours doing cleanup… And waiting for Kasiya’s temper to cool enough for him to get out of Wyld form.
(@Elizipeazie)

The Highway Hooligans’ Ishu has issues! More specifically… Jake sneezed and drove straight into the back of the Shift Happens bus, popping the airbags in his face as well as Trevor’s face, and causing the inertia switch to kill the fuel pump. The car seems fine, and the crew is okay, just requiring some extra effort to cut the deflated airbags out of the wheel and dashboard, rip the front bumper off and throw it in the back of the vehicle, and replace the headlights. Oh, and apologize profusely to Jayde, who got jostled off of his feet and onto the floor of the bus in the crash. All told, 3.5 hours lost… And a promise of an interesting day for Jake.
(@Madrias)

“Stop popping the tires!” Team Firulais, yet again, has a flat to fix. Joining them for a tire-swap session are Transporttjäns Eriksson Aktiebolag Eslöv, the Spy Kids, the Troublesome Trio and Theo, Ramjet, and the Hillbilly Rollers.
(@angelustyle, @WoodenPlankGames, @SheikhMansour, @06DPA, @JCurtiss96, @Leone, @Knugcab)

Gremlins! The Rhino Squad is crippled for 5 hours after a mysteriously waterlogged bit of electronic equipment causes some mishaps. After the seat moves full forward under its own power, the power tilt-and-telescope steering wheel starts dancing up and down, in and out, the car alarm and horn start wailing, and the radio decides to blast Chanty’s music at full volume, they’re forced to stop and try to fix the problem.
(@HappyHungryHippo)

Machinas Con Passione hears a rattling sound from… Somewhere. Suddenly, and almost without warning, the whole car literally falls apart around them, like something out of Looney Tunes, becoming a vaguely-car-shaped pile of metal, fiberglass, plastic, and rubber. Like every gamer knows, only the last hit point matters, and this car just showed what happens when it runs out of hit-points. Time to go join the train riders, because this shitbox has just driven its last mile.
(@SurrealCereal - Yes, this is the big one for you that we mentioned in DMs.)

Dalhus is a small town of 17,000 people, and it’s clearly an industrial town that popped up because of the railroad, and stayed relevant because of what they did for the railroad. They’re the western terminus of the cross-mountain line, so all traffic crossing the mountains eventually goes through here. As a result, they have a huge yard for rolling stock and banking equipment to push heavy trains up over the mountains. They also have a huge factory, which has to be huge for a reason: it is a locomotive factory. All of this leads to them having a fairly sizable station for a “small town” that would look very much comfortable in a small city. The town itself clearly makes use of their connections with the railroad, being broken up into cluster communities of a few thousand people each, scattered around the hills, each being serviced by a local branch line leading right into that industrial zone.

Our camp is halfway in between two of those communities, still vaguely close to the yard where the support train is parked. There are no services in camp directly, but a fairly lengthy walk can get you to flushing toilets in the station building.


Spreadsheet is here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQriVPEky_B00QiZ6lYrtLVt-u3XWPQW7CvfFNFordo91W4o4LYgWKmW6-SchgIpnTR4wQ6cfSyyQfl/pubhtml

2 Likes

Team Shift Happens & Team Highway Hooligans & GECA - Interstellar

(Thanks to @Elizipeazie for the collaboration.)
(Content Warning - Contains violence.)


Stage 12


Another morning arose at GECA - Interstellar and with today being the fifth consecutive stage planned to be done on their bicycles, an established routine, but the extended distances and recent uphill challenges (refer stage 10) have taken their tolls.

Regardless, the group departed in an orderly fashion as usual, taking care to find their initial groove as they left the village.

Not long after, ““city”” limits were reached, followed rather swiftly by the group spreading thin as per established procedure on descents. Initially, and for quite some time, all was well as the group stayed vaguely connected, though retained a reasonable distance between two given riders for safety.

Eventually, the road got steeper, amplifying the distances between GECA members vastly, as some riders were more daring than others. Amongst the braver ones were Valentin, Bill and Bob, with Norse still close enough behind to have an immediate line of sight most of the time, in turn closely followed by an almost reckless Hugh.

A tight left hander was followed up with a loong and steep straightaway providing remarkable visibility of both the road and the areas below to their right, largely comprising of more or less dense forest, additional roads they would be riding on later as well as a single-track rail line poking in and out of the mountains with great effort, both Bill and Bob line up to the much heavier (and thus faster) Valentin, with the former alongside and the other close by behind Val.

Content Warning: Violence, Blood. Read at discretion.

From beside Valentin, Bill procures a small, but high quality pocket knife. Without any rhyme or reason, to Valentin, at least, the knife unfolds and Bill takes a swing at Valentin, lightly cutting up his left forearm.

Having been focused on the road ahead, Valentin had no way of anticipating this move as he instinctively covers the cut on the left arm with his right hand. The loss in stability causes Valentin to veer towards Bill, allowing him to make a second, substantially more well-aimed attack, managing to reach around his arm to cut up the inside of it near the elbow.

Immediately after, the knife is dropped as Valentin bumps into Bill, a fountain of blood erupting from the arm by that point.
Bill, in turn, pushes Val away from himself with all his might, sending the latter off the road to his right.
Running over a small mound of impromptu-dirt-ramp, Valentin spectacularly takes flight, disappearing into the forest by the roadside.

It was at this moment when Norse realized that - once again - shit has hit the fan, prompting him to become the first GECA member turning his SOS ring, thus alerting Shift Happens, all while still barreling down the hill at speed.
Once that was done, he, as well as Bill and Bob slammed the brakes hard, creating three narrow lines of rubber in the road surface as they came to a stop.

Norse, completely ignoring both Kerman brothers, immediately went to look for Valentin, spotting a mess of a broken-to-bits bicycle first as it - or what was left of it - was very visibly entangled in a tree.
The remainder was nearby on the forest floor.

The sight of both apparently was reason for Bill and Bob to immediately turn their rings, thus disappearing into nothing without a trace.

By this time, other GECA members arrived to Norse’s bike on the roadside, stopping to see Norse making his way down the cliff towards a nearby railway line, where another figure was visible.
Some of them also turned their rings as things were obviously not right, even if the only other true witness was Hugh Jass.

:sweden: “FUCKING HELL NOT AGAIN!!!” he screamed out of full lungs upon arrival to find a still conscious Valentin covered in his own blood.

Valentin was just groaning in pain as Norse started to tend to the most glaring issue by fashioning a rather crude tourniquet out of a shoelace, some fabric (partially his own jersey, some additional strips ripped out of Valentin’s jersey) and a sturdy stick for leverage.


On a winding road, Kivenaal was pushing the bus about as hard as he could, the self-driving AI outright filling the display it had with progressively more concerned emoji and a flood of debug spew as Kiva cut as close to curbs and walls as he could get, making room for what little local traffic there was.

This came to an abrupt stop, however, when everyone got an intense, uneasy feeling.

“Someone turned an SOS ring!” Kivenaal declares, parking the bus at the side of the road with the hazards on and shutting the engine down.

As the doors open, Kiva, Mani, Sariya, Inaelus, and Kasiya all step outside. Kayden shuts the bus doors behind them as Sariya stealth-rifts the group into the area.


The sight that greeted them was chaotic and messy, with three bicycle skid marks, a busted bicycle down in the trees, the scent of blood in the air, and Norse down the cliff next to Valentin.

“Right, everyone, you know your duties,” Inaelus says, taking charge of the situation.

(The following events take place at about the same time.)

Inaelus sends GECA onward to the campsite:

Inaelus gathers up the loose GECA members as best as she can, all too aware of the impending explosion and heavy magic use that was likely to happen soon.

“I need all of you to continue your trip into the camp. We have this situation under control and we will get everyone home safe. The side of a road is not a safe place to be, all of you know this. Mani, go down there, help out Norse and Valentin. Sariya, Kivenaal, Kasiya, cleanup duty.”

Inaelus watches as the crew slowly starts to filter out and ride onward, some occasionally looking back until they’re around a corner and no longer able to see the crash site.

With their navigators occupied elsewhere, GECA relies on the locals to help them get to camp.

Mani goes to help Norse and Valentin:

Mani drops down the hill about as quickly as he can reasonably go, showing surprising grace in this effort, a hint at his stealthy past. He makes it down to Norse and Val.

“I can get the two of you to a hospital on Earth. It’ll take a lot of effort to deliberately rift between here and there, but I think I can manage,” Mani says. He glances up at the departing group, glad to see that his magic use would be witnessed by very few.

Norse tried his absolute best to stop the bleeding and also keep Valentin awake.
While the former is largely successful, he was having a really hard time with the latter.

Valentin’s pained groaning softened into diluted and weak moaning.
:sweden: “Things will be fine. SH will get you outta here and home in no time. Please just stay awake!” Norse spoke as he frantically inspected Valentin for other injuries, chief among with being what was a very-obviously-broken left leg.
Failing to see a means to provide further direct aid, Norse carefully turned Valentin’s SOS ring as well.
Otherwise, it was just hopes and dreams as Norse repeated the phrase “Please stay awake.” in Swedish, complete with tears rolling while huddled over Valentin in hopes of help arriving soon.

Mani slides a bit as he gets closer to where Norse and Val are at, then carefully taps on Norse’s shoulder.

“Inaelus cleared the others out so I can do an open rift. I’m going to have to bring both of you back to Earth, though - Explaining me to the hospital staff would take far too long,” Mani explains.

Norse did not notice Mani making jis way down towards him until the latter was basically looking down at him and Valentin from directly above.
Likewise, he did not understand much of what Mani said, only recognizing “Earth” in the moment.

“Just do it already…” Norse spoke, not even taking his eyes off Val, “:sweden: we’ll be home soon. You’ll be safe.”

Mani concentrates on opening the rift to start with, creating a surprisingly-iridescent blue rift nearby, before using levitation magic to lift up Val and bring him, and Norse, through the rift.


Gothenburg, Sweden

  • The ambulance bay of Sahlgrenska University Hospital.

A shimmer in the air deposits Mani, Norse, and Val near the ambulance bay. Mani keeps Val positioned exactly as he was when he was laying on the ground, taking the time to check possible futures.

“Damn it, I’ve got to stick around… Norse, go get some help. I’ll have to start altering memories of people so they think they’re picking him up off of a mountain road, driving him back here, and then getting him in here. And so they don’t remember me.”

The process of getting back to earth was rather nebulous to both Val and Norse.
The instruction of “go get help” was initially met with a degree of confusion since Norse had to reorient himself, given the sudden change in environment.

Soon after, he hurries off, as Mani’s memory-altering magic does it’s work:
Two paramedics hop off of their ambulance, rush to the back and start working to aid Valentin.

Meanwhile, a heated discussion unfolded bezween the two:
“Did we flush him with any medications yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Do we even know what’s wrong with him!?”
“I don’t… Do you?”
“How the fuck did we get him here without any prepwork whatsoever!?!?”

By that time Norse returned with two more people from the emergency room, a stretcher in tow.
Initially, they did not seem keen on making the trip quickly until they realized that Norse was, in fact, not lying.
As such, they immediately took over, learning that Valentin currently is a blank slate treatment-wise and nothing has been done to him beyond the immediate first aid by Norse.

Mani focuses intently, doing his best to make sure that in all of this chaos, he wouldn’t be remembered. As the hospital staff get Valentin stabilized and up onto a stretcher, he’s able to release his levitation spell, able to focus more on altering memories. He keeps this up until Norse, Val, and the hospital crew were inside, at which point, he slowly fades the magic and then rift-walks back to Holsia.


Accident Site, Holsia


Mani returns from the rift and joins the others in trying to clean up the mess of debris and blood scattered all over the hillside.

Containment and Cleanup:

Sariya groans as GECA heads toward the campsite and Mani disappears with Norse and Valentin. Sure, Inaelus, Kivenaal, and herself were capable of cleaning this up, but she could see Kasiya’s rage building. Sure enough, an explosion of blue wrath-fire and a savage war-howl belted out by Kasiya’s towering Wyld form announces that their job just got harder.

“Inaelus! Stop him from turning the trees into torches! Kiva, with me, we’re trying to get all the bike shrapnel and get that cleaned up!”

“Got it, Sariya!” Kivenaal yells, rushing to pick up some of the shattered frame of Val’s bicycle, while Inaelus did her best to try to settle Kasiya down.

Ten minutes later, Mani returns, and Sariya quickly puts him to work as well. “There’s blood all over the road. Get that cleaned up before…” She winces at the sound of squealing tires and a crash. “Before someone else crashes.”

Mani runs up the hill to see the Hooligans looking dazed and confused, as two of them kissed airbags and the third kissed the back of the driver’s seat. “You three okay?”

“Yeah. Slid on something slick, fucking sneezed, and ended up right in the back of the trailer.”

“I’ll get that cleaned up.”

While Mani was using blood-magic to erase the blood from the road, Inaelus finally got through to Kasiya and calmed him down enough to return to normal, braving the heat and the blinding light he’d thrown off to let him know that everything would be okay. With Kasiya now calm, Kivenaal was able to put out the unintended forest fire, and the cleanup effort was soon complete.

Hooligan Havoc:

“God damn it,” Jake grumbles.

“What?” Cody asks, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning forward to change the song, then sitting back in his seat.

“I’ve had to sneeze for the last 4 fucking miles, and it just won’t… FUCK!

The Ishu hits a patch of slick road and starts to slide. Jake steers in the direction he wants to go and lets the V6 rip, tires squealing as the front-wheel-drive car-van-truck tries to straighten up and drive away. Jake’s sneeze hits hard, and is immediately followed by two more before everything goes white for Jake and Trevor, and a foul-smelling gray for Cody.

“My fucking nose!” Trevor yells.

“I really could have done without kissing an air-bag…”

“Eww… The back of the seat smells like a gym sock…”


Jayde had been watching the cleanup effort thanks to a spell he’d put on a window when a sudden, violent shunt knocked him off of his feet and sent him sprawling, banging his incredibly-sore right arm on the bus floor.

“Whoever fucking did that can have an interesting fuckin’ day,” Jayde grumbles, getting up with a pained growl. He exits the bus and glares at the Hooligans.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Jayde!” Jake yells. “The road was slick and I sneezed.”

“So you decided to hit the largest stationary object on the planet?”

“I was trying to avoid ending up down there,” Jake says, pointing down the hill toward the forest, “and ran out of luck trying to do it.”

“I am so fucking tempted to give the three of you an interesting week…”

“I said I was sorry,” Jake grumbles.

“You will be,” Jayde mutters darkly, before getting back into the bus.

Trevor grabs his pocket knife and cuts the air-bag so that he doesn’t have a big floppy curtain hanging in his lap. Jake soon does the same, then tries to restart the engine. It cranks, starts up for a second, and stalls. Then it just cranks, but makes no effort to restart.

“Where’s the fuel pump inertia switch?” Jake inquires.

Cody grimaces. “Under the car. Behind the rack of fuel cans.”

Jake sighs, getting out of the Ishu and staggering over to the passenger side, where he takes out each of the three 10 liter fuel jugs and sets them on the tiny sliver of solid road he had to work with. As he’s reaching in to reset the fuel filler, his right foot slips off of the road, causing him to face-plant the cargo box, lose his grip on the fuel-jug rack, and then slide down the hill. He comes to a stop in a bush with a wince. “Fucking OW!

“You okay, Jake?”

“Yeah, Trev, I’m fine. Just… Seriously, what the fuck!?”

Jake slowly climbs back up the hill, swearing to “any god that’s listening” that he was going to make an effort to lose a couple dozen pounds on the way. He resets the fuel pump, puts the cans back away, and then gets back in the car.

“I vote that we sit here a while,” Jake mutters. “I just kissed an air-bag, face-smashed the box, jammed my fingers into the fuel rack, and then got hugged by a thorny bush.”

“No fuckin’ problem,” Cody replies, nursing a bloody nose.


Dalhus Camp, 8 Sun


Kasiya watches as GECA gathers their supplies from the train and heads home, twisting rings and vanishing a few seconds later. The Hooligans were busy setting up a tent, all of them a little shaken up from the car crash earlier. Jayde had his tent set up by Takaraya and headed inside right away to sleep off the pain.

He’d spent a little time interviewing the GECA crew to figure out what happened. Most hadn’t seen it, but Hugh… He’d given enough insight for Kasiya to make a vow to himself. Whatever they had in mind, attacking someone like that, the Kerman brothers had just climbed to the top of his shit-list to deal with once he was back home.

3 Likes

Team Firulais

Stage 11: Glass Breakin’, Tires Poppin’, Fire’s Burnin’

In Collaboration with @Madrias [Shift Happens]

Morning at Prentare.
Early Morning Coldness

Surprisingly, sleeping in the abandoned subway station was more comfortable than sleeping in a tent on the street… At least for Ángel, that was.

Josué seemed to have a bad night, and so did Ana. Ana had run out of booze too, and, in fact, the entirety of the Team was starting to struggle with supplies.

Josué:“Hopefully the next town is marginally big… So we can buy stuff, that we are running out of.”
Andrés:“Yeah, we running out of food… And probably of spare tires as well.”
Ángel:“Look at our Front Left ! That looks almost entirely made of… Patchwork.”
Josué:“Where did you sleep in, by the way ?”
Ángel:“In the Subway Station.”
Josué:“Wait. There’s a Subway Here ?”
Ángel:“Well, it’s abandoned… So I thought ‘Will this be more comfortable than the car ?’, and it turned out, it kinda was… The only problem… I’m freezing.”
Ana:“Aren’t you from Russia ?”
Ángel:“I know ! I just don’t cope nicely with cold weather, I’m more of a beach boy… For, whatever reason.”

They laughed as they went to take breakfast at a local bakery, and later sat off towards Asda.

Road to Asda.
Tires Poppin’ - The Tire Nightmare Comes Back !

The early bit of the stage was going easy… Until they popped yet another tire… And then another went flat too, meaning they, same as their little break failure on their road to Lauda, ended up in a ditch. Unsame to the last time they were on a ditch though, they did 3 things - One, they took it easy, no tempers today. Two, they pushed the car out all together, and Three, Ángel took the chance to get rid of that cracked window. Meaning this was also a stop for “repairs”.

Glass Breakin’ - Making Room for the Swamp Cooler

Ángel:“So, guys, after you change the tires, I may do a modification to the body.”
Ana:“What is it ?”
Ángel:“Has anyone seen my toolbox ? I need a hammer. Or something which will effectively break glass.”
Ana:“Why ?”
Ángel:“Haven’t you Hurd…? I’m making a… How’s it called, Josué ?”
Josué:“Swamp Cooler.”
Ángel:“That.”
Ana:“But why would we want to cool down on this weather…?”
Ángel:“Yeah, I know, it’s not a brilliant idea now, but, it’ll be great for later, hotter stages. I know you guys don’t really tolerate heat very well.”

Little did he seem to know: in the night they’d have a -quite literal- rather heated moment.

In any case, out went the right rear quarter glass panel, now turned into bits with some Hammer Action, and the bits ending on the ditch they just exited -knowing probably no team would dare to pass there-, and was replaced by a lot of duct tape, which would later have a hole for the tube of the swamp cooler so the cool air would actually enter the cabin, and then later the remaining Duct Tape would be painted by Ángel to… Just let his creative side free.

Other than that, and some more Yumeisotitanian History given by our favorite Yumeisotitanian Humanoid, little seemed to happen between their breakdown, and their arrival to Asda. The most noticeable thing for the teams spotting the Blue and Black Aurora where the fact that 2 tires seemed to be made almost entirely of patches and make-up repairs (meaning, when they finally bang, they will go “BOOM”), and the fact that they had a Swamp Cooler… a feature which was not necessarily wanted in this cold weather, but for the Firulais, it was an achievement. And probably a “first time” on the rally.

Sadly, later in the night, it’d turn out Angel’s Invention wouldn’t last nearly as long as they would’ve wanted.

A lot later…

Late Night at Asda.
Fire Burnin’ - Hopes (and Ángel’s Swamp Cooler) reduced to Ashes

Ana:“Mind if I go to talk to the people at Shift Happens for a moment ?”
Ángel:“Not at all. Take your time, we’ll wait for you here.”
Josué:“I’m going to sleep.”
Andrés:“Same.”
Tómas:“I’m keeping awake.”
Ángel:“Same. I can’t believe what people’s reaction would be if I told them their town is named equal to that British Megamarket Chain…”
Tómas:“Ain’t ASDA a Car Insurance Company ?”
Ángel:“I… Think I need to research further.”

As this rather uninteresting conversation kept on going, Ana went to the Shift Happens camp… not to talk. But to take a bottle of beer from their trailer… Little did Ana know, whoever ought to steal beer from Shift Happens was gonna have a bad day, as both Jayde and Manikihali put curses in them.

And in the case of the Firulais, it was a really bad note to end the day. Apparently, the bottle Ana grabbed was from Mani, as when she drank it, she started to feel really hot… Like if she’d just drank fire.

Ángel:“Oi, Ana. Where did you get that from…?”
Ana:“…”
Tómas:“Are you OK ? You’re very r—”

Suddenly, the whole camp of the Team is awakened by a Bright Ball of Fire coming out of Ana’s Mouth for several seconds… Like if she’d just become a dragon. Ángel and Tómas, who where right in front, bailed to the ground to not get cremated in an instant.

Sadly, the same didn’t happen for the Aurora, which was just behind those two. The Swamp Cooler melted and so did the Tubing. The Roof Caught on Fire. The Rear Left Quarter Panel Glass got burnt really badly, and the whole driver’s side of the car now looked like a burnt toast.

Now, with little water to extinguish the fire, the Firulais, who where a bit separated from the rest of the other teams that day, had to try every single trick they could to extinguish the flames before the damage to their car got any worse… And also to try and keep the show away from the locals.

This later incurred in a rather heated discussion… But no words, attempts of punches and kicks, insults and fights that resulted inside the team that night would fix the just brutal damage their car had taken… Ángel couldn’t even sleep that day, now that his “place” was too hot to be safe.

As for the others… Josué and Andrés where stunned, and Andrés now called Ana “Charmander” in reference to the famous starter Fire Type Pokémon. Tomás wondered how this could’ve happened, and would ask Shift Happens the next day. Ana apologized for almost the entirety of the night, and the ash-y flavor on her mouth wouldn’t fade until the next morning… And Ángel… He just seemed like he’d been traumatized; while his older sister treated him so badly he already had a bit of a trauma because of that, today was another day which was the absolute worst… And, in his attempts to sleep, he’d start to feel indications of another “Mind Reader’s Hell” incoming for the next stage…

… Only daylight would reveal just how vicious had been the damage.

Stage 12 will come soon !
And, as always, Collabs are open !

(Yes, this was a whole week late…)

2 Likes

Stage 11 - Temper(ature) issues

Teams included: Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab, Shift Happens by @Madrias and Firulais by @Angelustyle

“AAAAAAARRGHHHH WHAT A FUCKING CRAP IS THIS!!!”

Thomas angry yell made the locals in Prentare stare at the large gold car. He seems stuck with his forehead on the steering wheel… Jan and Chanty could hear Thomas swearing even down there in the subway station, and ran outside - Chanty was freezing instantly, despite wearing a pullover for the cold night down there.

“What… did you do there?”

“So, I was waking up at night and came back to the car, and the airbag deployed, I have no idea why, and I stuffed it back into the steering wheel and closed it with glue, but… then I fell asleep again, with my head on the wheel… AND YOU CAN SEE THE RESULT, SO DO SOMETHING!”

“What then, Thomas?”

“JAN, JUST GET ME OFF HERE!”

“But…how?”

“You remember how I got the duct tape off Chantys mouth?”

“Thomas, we don´t have a hairdryer here, and its fucking cold, how to warm that glue up then?”

“YOU HAVE STUDIED, JAN, I EXPECT YOU TO BE SMART!”

Actually, Chanty used her braincell to do something smart - no, not crying, that wasn´t neccecary, but screaming for help doing that attracted Shift Happens, and getting Thomas loose was… an easy task for them, and they didn´t even want something in return because the sight of a swearing Thomas stuck with his head on the steering wheel was … enough of a reward for them.

But, the team couldn´t start… Chanty took off her hoodie and sat down on a bench, crying again.

“DAMN, Chanty, what is it?”

“I miss mama again soooooo much…”

“So, you want to catch a serious cold now?”

“Rudolph needs to be protected from the cold…”

“Really, I don´t want to discuss on this basis anymore with you, Chantal. The day already started bad enough.”

„Well, it´s not that I didn´t tell you a few times that the airbag light was on“

„Jan, the damn ignition was off, how is it able to go off then? It´s impossible. I guess another sabotage from these hillbillys. If I wasnt that exhausted from black magic, I would make Köttbullar out of them!“

„WON´T YOU TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT FOOD! I AM HUNGRYYYYYYYY! And I have a hangover…and I am cold… and HUNGRY!“

„Yeah, you are cold because you took off your pullover.“

„RUDOLPH WAS COLD! He needs it more than me to not get a cold.“

„Chantal, trust your father, elks don´t feel cold easily and there is no need to warm your plushie up.“

„RUDOLPH IS SPECIAL! You don´t know anything about him.“

„Now that´s enough. I am not fit, but you, madam, are neither making the impression that you should be driving now. Time for the spare driver then, Jan, you drive.“

Jan did as ordered, Chanty complained about hunger, headache and homesickness, and Thomas took another nap in the backseat, still feeling the side effects of black magic.

„Finally you drive like a man“,

said Chanty, leaning to the left against Jans shoulder, but accidentally touched a few buttons… of which an old expenisve Primus has…. quite a lot, and accidentally jammed the seat heaters at maximum, as the old plastic plates weren´t the strongest anymore… which they would notice soon.

„WHY IS THIS SO WARM? What did you touch, Chanty?“

„WHY ME? WHY NOT YOU?“

„because…. Whenever there is something clumsy to do, you´re in for it…“

„JUST SAY YOU HATE ME AND THAT I AM DUMB! At this point, you can as well openly admit it…“

„Chanty, pleeeeease, not again drama… where are the switches?“

„Must be below my elbo… oh.“

„So, what did you say about that it could as well have been me?“

„I AM ALREADY SILENT! Damn… they are jammed… how did I hit them with so much force without noticing?“

„Because you are used hitting everything everywhere by accident already… ARGH. It´s a cold morning, yes, but the weather is warmer now, I really dont need such a hot ass anymore.“

„Sitting on something warm means I have to…“

„Eat again?“

„NO! I have to pee now!“

“I can´t stop now in the middle of the ro… ah, nevermind, there isnt another car anywhere near us anyway.”

Arriving at the village of Asda, Thomas entertained the others with his cursing when taking apart the complex interior to fix both the glued radio and the stuck seat heatings, while Chanty and Jan complained about pain in a… well, difficult area of their bodies.

„Argh. I can´t sit properly on that hard camping chairs. It´s almost as bad as after that fucking cactus.“

„Chanty, don´t complain to me, YOU have caused the mess.“

„How should I know that these buttons are there, plus, that these seats become so hot like in my exes Volvo 850… in that one, the seat even started to burn“

„CANT YOU STOP MENTIONING YOUR EX? Its bad enough that you still buy weed from him and that he likes your tiktok posts.“

„Well, know how to silence me, I guess?“

„Yeah, I`ll get the duct tape for my own sanity“

„I MEANT BY KISSING, YOU IDIOT!“

Late in the evening, they heard loud screams and saw a …bright shade… in the distance.

„Uh, what was that, a coyote?“

„No, Thomas, that sounded not animalic.“

„DAMN, THAT´S ANGEL!“

„A japanese coyote then, ah.“

„DAD! YOU ARE UNBEARABLE“

The trio rushed to the direction where the light and scream came from, and as it was in some distance away, they took the car and found the Aurora of the Firulais burning – and the team panicking next to it, trying to put out the flames with only sparse amounts of water.

“These flames they painted on the car become more and more realistic.”

“DAD! DON´T JOKE! FOR ONCE, DON´T BE SALTY!”

Thomas stopped the Primus with a keen drift and exited even before the car was still skidding, with a scared Jan grabbing the steering and Chanty laughing about that James Bond move that should look like… an action hero, but actually looked like a bag of potatoes fell off a truck.

„WHAT IS THIS?“

„A.aaa…Ana spits f…fff…fire … aaa…“

„AND THE CAR IS BURNING NOW? Come on, take less drugs, I guess your friend tried to cook again and thats the reason for this inferno.“

„N…no, she literally spits fire…“

Chanty now joined the scene and immedately checked for Ana, who was quite feared by what just happened.

„How… do you spit fire?“

„I DON´T KNOW! It even… wasn´t painful… but this is too much for me…“

Ana refused to cry, as she wants to be tough under all circumstances, but also grabbed Chanty and gently pushed her against her shoulder to lean on and it, closing her eyes for a bit, trying to process what just happened while gratefully taking Chantals empathy. Meanwhile, Jan tried to manage the situation, as Thomas found out that the unchecked fire extinguisher … better should have been checked for function.

„The beer, Thomas, TAKE THE BEER. WE HAVE SOME LEFT!“
„Not we have some left, I HAVE SOME LEFT. DAMN, ANA, YOU DRAGONESS, NEXT STAGE YOU WILL REPLACE IT!! I was really looking foward to drinking it in peace today, but now your car has priority.“

,said Thomas, opening the bottles on the door frame of the Primus and pouring the light Holsian beer onto the Aurora.

„Jan, it´s not enough! DRAIN THE COOLANT into the empty bottles, we can figure out a replacement later, but this is urgent now.“

„Isn´t the coolant alcoholic and flammable?“

„No, Josué, that mixture is thinned that much with water that… No, it´s not.“

„Naaaaah, we call it coolant WATER and not coolant beer, why should it be alcohol? Who would waste beer or wodka for cooling a car?“

„CHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNTY, PLEASE…. focus on being there for Ana, and better…. dont try yourself at science…“

Soon, the fire had been put out, but the Aurora was ready for the junkyard, although that might have been the case even before the start of the rallye, but now definitely. Chantal now had the adrenaline slowly fading, and her urge to cry took over more and more… to fight this, she grabbed one booze bottle out of the trunk of the Primus and decided to drink that what was left in it… hoping that this would make her sleep in peace soon.

3 Likes

Shitbox Rally - Stage 13

Stage 13: Dalhus to Eson

Weather: Low 20’s, some clouds, and dry.


As we leave Dalhus, it’s clear that the roads are getting better for everyone involved. The largest vehicles still have to take a detour, but it’s a small one. The roads are slightly hilly, and much like Stage 2, there’s a lovely blend of agriculture, alternating between farms and forest with the occasional village near the towns.

Another breakdown for the train, though a relatively short one. Turns out one of the brake pipes disconnected and put the whole train into emergency braking.
(@Elizipeazie)

Transporttjäns Eriksson Aktiebolag Eslöv has the dubious honor of being the first team to burst a tire today. At least this time, it seems to have been partially self-inflicted - rolling burnouts with a half-dry-rotted tire = tire goes boom. They’re joined by the Argonites with a flat right front tire, Timeloss with a slow leak that got fixed with a tire patch kit, and Faolan Industries with a gashed rear sidewall.
(@WoodenPlankGames, @redfoxlol, @Fayeding_Spray, @portalkat42)

The Rhino Squad has a one-hour pit stop caused by a panic attack, thanks to a harmless snake inside the car.
(@HappyHungryHippo)

The Spy Kids have more electrical gremlins, this time leading to the radio blaring at full volume, the car alarm going off, and the transmission getting stuck in limp mode. Two hours later, they find a rat-chewed wiring harness and do their best to patch it back together.
(@SheikhMansour)

Straight Outta Seratos had an engine temperature that went straight outta the stratosphere. Turns out, the radiator had a pinhole leak, and now there’s no coolant in it. One radiator swap, three-and-a-half hours, and some coolant later, they’re rolling again.
(@Shibusu)

Honey I Bought a S#!tbox loses an hour chasing a misfire. Time to glue the spark plug wires onto the spark plugs!
(@Rambow)

The Troublesome Trio and Theo lose two hours trying to figure out why there was smoke in the cabin. Turns out, the blower fan motor seized up and started burning. After dismantling half the dashboard, the culprit was removed, tossed in the trunk, and the dashboard partially reassembled.
(@06DPA)

Ramjet rounded out this stage’s failures with an engine stall that turned into a no-crank-no-start. One replacement battery and alternator later, and an hour of time lost, the mighty beast is driving again.
(@JCurtiss96, @Leone)

As we arrive at Eson, it’s clear that it’s either a large village or a small town, holding 7,000 people inside. The village is somewhat split between the farmers and the loggers, with a mix of various types of homes, still a bit dense, but without the verticality of the mountain or hill stages. We have to go around the village to reach our camp - Some people have parked their tractors on the main road through the village, making it a pain for anyone not driving a small car.

Our campground is… Interesting. It’s a freshly mowed meadow, owned by one of the farmers, and we do mean freshly mowed - The grass clippings are still quite visible everywhere. It’s nearby enough to the tracks, with a siding leading up surprisingly close to it where our support train is parked. It’s safe to say that the only “service” that exists is a log placed across two stumps above a hole in the ground, serving as a “toilet” for those brave enough.


Spreadsheet is here: SR2024 Stage Results - Google Drive

3 Likes

Team Chitco
Part 4

Smells like something has burned...and something DID burn

Upon rising from the bed, Bong was sent to investigate the source of smell of something burned.

Someone has just lit their car on fire, but seems they have it under control. was his response upon return.
Who this someone is? Pi asked
Not us, thats for sure. Lets just prepare for this stage, we dont have much time to lose.
We are also very much not likely to get anywhere near first teams to arrive at wherever this stage ends Pi counters
I still believe we can outrun the beasts
That…is really not a good way to talk about Shift Happens…especially seeing you have particular beef with Natalia.
Not like any of them will hear me. Besides, i just said “beasts”, didnt imply they are completely animalistic. They are also not idiots like Krta and his merry band of idiots.
Still…

This would indeed end up being stage where “beasts” would be defeated by this quartet, but not through merits of said quartet…which could only be hinted at by Gromadon IV - rivalling sound of immense displeasure at some point; namely the howl emited by creature of similar size to said Gromadon.

What is happening?
Maybe some Dyre pack sneaked into here…
In that case, we might need to get back to help
We are lacking sufficient manpower to be of help

Pi looked puzzled as she looked at lone male in group

We overtook Shift Happens anyway: maybe they can calm them down before damage is done…one way or the other
Probably right
Damn i see some big fire in rear view
It got heated then

Rest of team looked at pun-deliverer: Bong in this case

Its good pun but be sure to not bring it up with SH
Got it*

Camp was relatively nice: Bong especially appreciated flushing toilets

Next part is not related to Rally, but it does cover some characters that had already presented themselves on board and participated in prior challenge

Meanwhile in another place (which isnt Holsia)
  • King, we had analysed the content of the pool
  • Ok. Care to give me results?
  • Of course; perfume is perfectly reusable. She bathed so often in so vast quantities that we found only minimal deviations from our manufacturing standards.
  • So you can pump it out and bottle it without issue?
  • Yes
  • Glad to hear that: not fan of perfume pool myself, but glad that it aint gonna be a waste…uhhh, i guess call when you lot are done? Or if you need something.
  • Will have that in mind.

King Edward proceeded to go out of pool room to indeed not bother workers with his royal presence. His wife Leopolda is dead for some time which is realistically few months, but what used to be her belongings still leave some memories and issues Edward now has to deal with: her tendency to accept only her favourite perfume in places more stable people would use some sort of water left one of pools consistently filled with stuff

  • Our Majesty, you have a visit.
  • Oh really? Who would that end up being?
  • Older female, says she personally knows you. Apparently is named Sora.
  • Such an unusual visit…tell her i shall be ready in few minutes.
  • Interesting that you actually know her
  • Recall when i decided to make trip to some place called “Sweden” for some time in October? She was also there. Besides, when did i decided to dismiss common folk of my own kingdom?
  • Eh, she was too obsessed with title and power: not your wisest decision
  • Not your call to make, but i guess you are right.

They dispersed and indeed Sora enters and sees monarch on his throne, ready for visit.

  • What do i have to thank for this visit?
  • 3D gate that seemed to lead here from where i was. Since i did appreciate your company some months ago, decided to go straight to the top.
  • How you knew it would work?
  • You dont seem to be bothered by class or title status, so it seemed i wouldnt have much trouble.
  • Maybe i was faking it?

Question didnt indicate seriousness and he called servant

  • I want to know whether or not some unusual…thing still seems to be present in a place, which i cant really check as im busy atm. She will give directions on where this is.

His attention was somewhat shifted to guest as well and he tried making sure both people understand that his following sentences are directed at both

  • I want to know if her method of arrival here, known as “3D gate”, is still in same place where it spit her out or had dispersed in meantime. This might influence whether or not she would need to be provided room to stay in for unknown period of time. On other note, that is fancy chair for sure, but its made to be sat in and not awkwardly standing beside it. Both of us could use some drink as well: ask her about it and other guy shall deliver while im ordering the usual
  • Will be done

Few minutes after, protagonists of this part get their drinks and Sora is using chair. Some more time after, news about Sora`s “transportation” arrive.

  • She is our problem for some time.
  • I think we could sort that out, we arent lacking space
  • Sure. Will be at hand if needed.

…not in the room tho, leaving duo to themselves

  • What were your impressions of that event we participated on?
  • Not really my favourite, but cant complain too much.
  • It was really fun getting to drive there, although rather rough
  • You didn`t seem banged up at all
  • Racing seat was good at preventing me go around the cabin. Besides, i do rock quite some physique for my age…admitedly not natural. Muscles in my case are mostly heavily modified fat tissue and organs are…natural.
  • Somewhat jealous
  • Don`t be. Atleast you are not getting looks of “Are you kidding me?” when mentioning your age…
  • Wouldnt mind that kinda attention. I wonder…while im here, i might as well check out your medical team
  • Any particular reason?
  • We would share common ground in our education
  • My company isnt sufficient?
  • Being a king is likely not too open towards hanging out with someone who has nothing to do.
  • Not like im drowning in job myself: i have competent people on important positions and it`s not like we need much of change
  • Still not good idea to know just one person…even if person is absolute authority where you happen to be. Besides, i may wish to come here more frequently and you might not be as free as now
  • Wouldnt mind more visits myself

They found some more stuff to discuss before Edward called for servant to show Sora her accomodations and provide assistance if needed. He was rather fond of her company and with that, went to sleep.

Dalhus to Eson

Genuinely uneventful stage, even with detour
Bong complains about lack of actual toilet and was soon joined by equally dissatisfied Jakasxandra
He also uses one of portable fridges to keep his “find” of sort fresh to dismay of everyone else; was suggested to get some box that will be filled with ice instead. He reluctantly agreed, after it was guaranteed ice will not run out.

3 Likes

Stage 12: The gremlins were released

including: Team Chitco by @MrdjaNikolen, Highway Hooligans and Shift Happens by @Madrias, Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab and Firlualis by @Angelustyle

„No, you can´t!“

„But…… but…… I need to…“

Pi and Andrea were a bit nervous, as they had to tell Chanty what her own team her already told: There are no showers.

„What if I am …. stinking… I am fat, I sweat a lot, and… aaaaaahhhh!! The people here already hate me enough, no need to make it worse.“

„Chanty, you are not smelling bad, and you are beautiful…“

„I said I am fat, not that I am ugly, but… yes, I´m ugly, too…“

„I think we have a bit bottled water, we bought so much of that, that we might have a bit of it left… it´s not really showering, but better than not….“

Before Pi could finish the sentence, Chanty grabbed a bottle, some shampoo and soap and started doing an improvised shower behind some bushes.

„Andrea, I think she has been bullied a lot…if she has such an anxiety of others opinions.“

„Yes, I can see that… let´s hope she feels a bit better now.“

„Even if not, I can´t change anything about it, I can just offer her to be there for her when she needs me, but she has a lot of people her caring for her.“

Actually, Thomas and Jan also took a water bottle shower, but when her friends tell her the same that her own team has already told her, it´s of course more acceptable…

As Chanty had another hangover and Jan already drove last stage, Thomas prepared himself for driving, when suddenly Jake from the Highway Hooligans showed up.

„Hey, Thomas… can I ask you something?“

„What a stupid question, I mean you want to know if you can ask me something by asking me? Pah! But of course, you can, what can I do for or against you?“

„We… had some ketchup there for a barbecue we wanted to make at the end of the rallye, and…. It´s gone. Have you seen it?“

Thomas and Jan looked at each other, rolling with the eyes.

„Eeeeeh… We two don´t… but… we will ask Chanty when she´s back…“

„That would be nice, because we have now just mustard and barbecue sauce left, and ketchup would be fine to, have, too.“

„MMMMJAM, YUMMY, DID I HEAR BARBECUE SAUCE?“

„Oh, hello Chanty, there you are! I just asked your teammates if they saw my ketchup.“

„Mmmh. Keffup? Wiff Keffup?“

„Like….that bottle that you are drinking right now….“

„Mh. Yeff. Very deliffiouf.“

„So…. is this ours?“

„Naaaaah. That´s just a coincidence, I swear.“

Jake first looked very angry at Chanty, who non-verbally responded with her large blue bambi eyes blinking, plus making her most innocent face possible, and then Jake just gave her a slight tap on the shoulder.

„Well, the reason why I am desperately looking fort he bottles is that mine can´t be eaten at all, so it´s good that it´s just a coincidence that you got the same like me. Well, Cody wanked in our ketchup when he was drunk, so…. I need to warn the thief…“

„HYYYYYYUUARRRRRRGHHHH!“

„Oh, Chanty, why are you vomiting, just our bottles were affected, not yours….“

„mmh…. Yes…. It was just the……thought about Cody doing that, I promise….HYUUUUARRRRGHH!!“

Jake walked off smiling, taking no further action as he got a fair revenge on Chanty, who was now crying, but Jake promised Thomas silently that the ketchup was fine and that was just a joke, and Thomas himself responded that it´s ok making Chanty cry in order to give her a lesson about food theft.

The stage started normal… until they managed to do half of the distance, when the check engine light went on, as well as the coolant temperature and gearbox failure symbol.

„Eh, what´s this now. I`ll check the onboard computer for diagnosis.“

The POIC system didn´t react, except for showing „UNKNOWN MALFUNCTION“ on the TFT screen.

„Eh? That´s weird. The engine is still running smooth… everything was fine until now. Maybe a restart of the ignition will help. I will do it as soon as the road is wide enough to let another car pass in case I don´t get it back on immediately.“

„Daddy, I am scared… I don´t want to be trapped here…“

Jan took Chantys hand, who then leaned against her boyfriend and looked at him in fear. Thomas pulled over the next minute, turning off the engine and ignition, then pulling out the key and going on a smoke with a nervous Chanty. After five minutes, the engine went back to life.

„See, it´s all fine…“

When Thomas tried to turn on the A/C, the sunroof opened…and closed….and opened again. Check engine light went on again.

„That´s also usable as A/C but not the one I requested. How is that possible? EH? WHY ARE THE WINDOW CONTROLS UPSIDE DOWN? WHEN I WANTED TO ROLL THE DRIVER WINDOW DOWN, THE REAR LEFT GOES UP!“

„Yes, Thomas, I can see that… so, roll the left rear up to move yours down.“

„Jan, that´s …. Impossible. I KNOW THESE CARS! The wiring can´t make this happen. At least pedals and steering are like they should.“

Suddenly, when driving at a higher speed, the passenger seat moved foward squeezing Thomas against the steering wheel, and bending his knees in a painful angle against the dashboard.

„AAAAAAAARRRRRRGHH! WHAT IS THIS?“

„DAD! DON´T CRASH!“

„DOES THIS LOOK LIKE I COULD STEER PROPERLY? NOW EVEN THE STEERING COLUMN MOVES UP AND DOWN… AND FOWARD!“

„Thomas! STOP!“

„How? My leg is squeezed so bad that I can´t move it! Jan, can you move the lever into neutral?“

„ATTENTION THOMAS! LEFT CORNER!“

„NNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!“

The car barely made the corner, and Jan in the passenger seat, after a reaction time of 2,5 workdays, moved the gear selector from D to N, and the car rolled to standstill, while the lights went on and off, also the seat heating almost burned Jan´s butt again, while the alarm joined the party while playing some of Chantys music at full volume

After turning off the car and disconnecting the battery, Chanty and Jan needed almost 20 minutes to free Thomas out of his prison.

„Dad, you said you are an expert for that type of car… what can it be now?“

„Jan, that´s …. Impossible. I KNOW THESE CARS! The wiring can´t make this happen.
„Dad, you said you are an expert for that type of car… what can it be now?“

„I have seen that only once on a neglected Imperator 600, but that would be impossible here, because I checked that weakness before starting the rallye…. And there is no way that would happen in weeks…“

„What is it?“

„Pop the hood!“

Thomas jaw dropped, when his worst nightmare came true: The weakness of all 91-97 Primus fullsize cars: A blocked water drain… and water everywhere in the shaft.

„Incredible! HOW IS THAT BLOCKED WITH ALL THAT SHIT? THAT´S SABOTAGE!“

„Thomas, why is that drain so important?“

„Jan, look: There are all ECUs of the whole car mounted on that shaft, thats where all the cables lead to. The idea was that it´s easier to find for maintenance, but that drain is too small, and you can guess which disasters can happen there. But… THATS WHY ANY OWNER OF THESE CARS KEEPS IT CLEAN! THIS HAS BEEN DONE ON PURPOSE!“

„That´s definitely Marie.“

„Not sure, Jan, I think that´s a sabotage that is too smart for her. How would she even know the weakness of a Primus.“

„OH NOOOOO!“

„What is it, Chanty? DON´T TELL ME YOU ARE HUNGRY NOW, WE GOT OTHER PROBLEMS!“

„I…. left the repair handbook on the dashboard, and as the locks still don´t work… yes… that´s how she must have learned it…I am sorry… please… just hit me and make it quick…“

„CHANTY, I HAVE NEVER HIT YOU! So I won´t start with that now. It´s Maries fault for doing that, not yours for leaving the book there. But… SHIT! This is a disaster. It is almost… nah, not almost, it IS not fixable.“

„What….do you mean with that?“

Chantys voice was now squeaking as that of a guinea pig, indicating that she will now start crying a lot. Thomas on the other hand had a voice less firm than usual.

„As I said it, that was it. That´s impossible. All ECUs are full of water…. engine, gearbox, emission control, onboard computer, A/C, …everything.“

A few minutes passed, until Jan dared to speak up, Thomas hid his face with his hands and sat with hanging shoulders on a rock, possibly hiding that he can cry, too, while Chanty sobbed and cuddled with Rudolph and was not able to have a conversation with anybody.


„I think having the best mechanic of all teams is an advantage we need to make use of.“

„Jan, that´s nice of you, but… we are doomed.“

„What if we try to dry them?“

„With what? Rice? Hah. That was a short circuit I guess, and I only have the engine computer in spare, but… if everything is fused that´s not helpful.“

„Can you at least try?“

„Yes…yes… I can… why not, I can´t break anything more than it is now. Chanty, I could need your help, it requires a lot of patience, and you have that more than me for annoying precision work.“

Chantal continued to cry, but did her best to do what she was asked for. She carefully opened the cases, dried the mainboards and put them together one by one, while Thomas checked the cables and fuses. Jan was busy with supplying snacks and beer and holding something here and there.

„You´re doing that really good, baby…“

„Nah, I am just hired by my father because he wants to let me think that I am useful and earn money by myself. Look! It doesn´t work, I must have made everything wrong.“

„That´s a lie. I know Thomas, he would just continue paying your bills if you were just standing in the way in his garage. So you are actually helpful for him if he lets you work for him. Ehm… how about that loose plug?“

„Oh…I… have forgotten that one… let me dry it.“

After five long and painful hours, the car came back to life, and Thomas could adjust the seat and steering to normal positions, also, all electronics more or less worked… small hickups here and there, but in general, the car was no longer a deathtrap.

„JAN! DRIVING! I am too drunk now, and Chanty … is asleep.“

„It was very exhausting for her.“

„FOR ME TOO! Why has everyone empathy for my daughter but never for me? Should I start crying then for that?“

„Thomas, please calm down. You did an excellent job as well. Take a seat, I will drive for the remaining distance.“

Upon arrival, Thomas, who slept for an hour, immediately left the car and ran towards the Hillbilly Rollers. Jan and Chanty, who woke up now, too, ran after him.

„Can´t you tell your father to not freak out?“

„DAD, PUNCH THAT GOLLUM AND PAY IT ALL BACK!“

„That was NOT helpful, really.“

„I don´t care.“

To get to the Swedes, Thomas had to pass the Highway Hooligans, and they saw that Thomas is not looking for a happy conversation, and they stopped him by offering beer.

„Heyho, looks like your day is as shitty as ours.“

„What?“

„Yeah, we crashed the car… that stage was eventful. We need to vent a bit, so do you?“

„Well, I am busy, so, a chat must wait for later, sorry.“

„We have beer…“

„Oh… hm, I might be interessed to get to know what happened to you…“

Meanwhile, Jan tried to solve the issue the GenZ way. Which meant, no violence but the official way…

„I want to make a formal complaint!“

„Umm… does it have to be today?“

„Yes, Kaylie, sabotage almost ended the whole event for us.“

„Oh, usually I would take action immediately, buuuut… today is really a very busy day, we are all very exhausted. Who sabotaged you?“

„Marie from the Hillbilly Rollers, we think.“

„You THINK? Well, you need proof, although I must admit that person would come to my thoughts as first suspect as well, if I was you. But without proof, you can just … look better after your vehicle or finally repair the door locks. I know this is not what you want to hear, but that´s all I can say for now. Although I might go to Marie later, and telling her that her behaiviour is not appropriate. There have been enough other incidents, including theft and physical slugfests. Everything alone for itself isn´t bad, but … everything added up is a bit annoying, I can see that. But remember, your team is also not the one that is known for peaceful camping, so I wouldnt make an official complaint if I was you, and better just ask me for an inofficial chatter. But yes, I think, we`ll start with Marie to calm this a bit down.“

„Oh, that´s what I am up to. Actually I don´t want them to be kicked out or threatened with that, as that would be a total over-reaction, but … I wouldn´t mind Marie taking a bit more care for Chantys feelings, as she suffers the most from all that. You think this will impress her?“

„No, that´s a too optimistic thought, but it will impress her teammates and make them get her under control instead.“

„yeah, sounds correct. Thanks for listening, Kaylie.“

„One last thing…. Please look after Chanty, she is too lovely to be in such a deep black hole, will you?“

„I am trying my best.“

The next thing Jan was doing was warning Andreas, who already seems quite fed up with Marie again.

„The Hooligans are holding up Thomas, but he is really pissed at Marie for her newest sabotage. Actually, I am afraid this ends with black magic again… is it possible to … bring Marie out of sight?“

„Why is that always my task?“

„You can also ask Janne, I don´t care, but we all are really having enough of her actions now.“

„Neither you nor your girlfriend are innocent there, or should I remind you of the butter, for example?“

„Yeah but who started that shit and then escalated it with dead animals? Chanty almost killed us with her panic attack.“

„I can see that Marie derails a bit, yes… I will send her looking for booze, so if Thomas comes here after his chatter with these Hooligans, Marie won´t be there. Janne and me don´t want trouble, we want some adventure without too much drama.“

Meanwhile, Chanty needed some emotional support, as she was disappointed that Jan did everything but cuddling with her – and decided to get that at the Firulais camp.

„ORRRR! Angel, he should never, NEVER be jealous again at Rudolph. Really, he is doing everything but looking at me, also, he complained at Shift Happens, how weird is that? He should discuss that directly, like my father.“

„I don´t think one could call that discussing, Chanty.“

„Angel, that´s the point…“

„But, didn´t you teach me that violence is bad?“

Anas point was valid, and Chantys braincell freezed. She shrugged, grabbed a bottle of Anas booze and wanted to drink it, but then noticed that she had enough alcohol in the recent time and put it back.

„I DON´T KNOW WHAT I WANT! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!“

„How about football then? Maybe we can invite Jan, too?“

„Haha, yes, Josué, but Angel is in your team with that own-goal-scoring.“

3 Likes

so, now I have caught up with the pace, finally

Stage 13 - Snake with ketchup, please.

including Firulais by @Angelustyle and Highway Hooligans by @Madrias

“No, Chantal! Enough is enough!”

“But… yesterdays football match was soooo hard… and I had such a tough day overall…”

“Chanty, that´s my last snacks. Why don´t you plunder the breakfast of your own team?”

“I…already did, Ana…I WILL STARVE IF I CANT HAVE YOUR CHIPS!”

“Honestly, looking at you, I can tell you are definitely NOT starving.”

“Yeah, I am just a fat and useless piece of…”

“NO!”

“I sucked so much yesterday at football, I am so much slower than everyone else!”

“STOP! Jan told me that you fixed the car yesterday and that if it wasn´t for you, your team would have been out. So stop this bullshit!”

“Is that true? Chanty did it?”

“Yep, Angel, it was Chanty who repaired that nasty sabotage.”

“Yaaaasss… I mean, I have helped my father a bit…”

Chanty now smiled slightly, also her face turned into a soft red.

“Damn, I have rarely seen you that happy… all right, you deserved that chips bag, I changed my mind.”

“We want to share it, Ana?”

“Sure.”

At the starting line, Chantys good mood has already disappeared.

“Hm, we have lost anyway, after yesterday… we don´t have any chance anymore even for the top 10. Gollum ruined it.”

“And why are you hitting yourself if Gollum ruined it and it is by no way your fault? Stop that! Damn, Chantal, having you as a daughter is the best but also the most stressful thing happening to me.”

“BECAUSE I HATE EXISTING!”

“But we love you existing. Thomas, can I give her our surprise?”

“Later, we need to start now. You can give it to her at the smoking break as you have nothing better to do then. Chantal, you promise me to stop hitting yourself with the door frame?”

“Yes… sorry… It´s just that we were sooooo close to a great finish, and it´s all lost…”

“Baby, its not about winning, it´s about having fun. And you… have none at the moment, and that´s a bigger problem than our lost postitions in the standings. What if you drive today?”

“Hmmm… alright, so I can´t get lost in thoughts then. Gentlemen, use your seatbelts…”

“…and start praying. Yeah, don´t try to kill us again, please, I am old enough to go for good, but Jan and you aren´t, remember that!”

Chanty was unusually calm, and focussed on driving instead of singing, talking or doing anything else.

“Are you tired?”

“Yes… I am homesick… and tired… and hungry…and I just noticed my blue hair is fading again. And I have no blue hair dye left. LOOK AT ME! AAAAAAAARRGGGHH!!! WHY CAN´T BLUE JUST BE MY NATURAL COLOR?”

“Well, time for your surprise then, stop right there and I`ll get us two cigarettes, Jan, please get her… THE BOTTLE!”

“What bottle?”

“Finest Holsian ketchup from the support train… for our little hero!”


But when Jan passed the two others the ketchup bottle, something else also found its way out of the bag: A SNAKE!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”

“Chanty, keep calm, maybe Dieter wants to visit us again.”

“THIS IS NOT DIETER. I REMEMBER HOW HE LOOKED… I will always remember him… I miss Dieter…”

“Jan… could you PLEASE give her the ketchup to calm her down? Yeah, I know its not Dieter, but the same type of snake, these aren´t poisonous nor they will bite.”

“Actually, I read a lot about snakes, but this… type is different, Thomas.”

“What do you mean? So thats a bite-snake, or what?”

“I CAN´T TELL!”

“JAN! Look it up!”

Thomas tried his best to talk with the snake and convince it to exit the car, but the snake felt very comfortable in the luxury interior and didn´t think of going back into nature.

After almost an hour, Jan finally compared the snake successfully to the ones in the book - and found out that snake is no threat to humans. By knowing that, Thomas just grabbed the snake and put her in the grass, with a protesting Chanty that wanted another pet and … wasn´t allowed it, so she made a very sad face when driving for the rest of the stage.

Also, when she found out that the arrival that there are no proper toilets AGAIN, Chanty just fainted. Jan volunteered to build up the campsite and look a bit after Chantal, so Thomas decided to stray a bit around at other teams, now that he had been released of “Smurfcare”, however, Chanty is now less of a smurf thanks to the lack of hair dye, as some of that went to Ana. Their first stop was the Highway Hooligans.

“Thomas, what I don´t get… if she thinks she is a loser by default, why is she then so disappointed that you are scoring bad at this event?”

“Maybe she wants to prove everyone, including herself, that she isn´t…”

“Anyway, I think I have something to cheer your daughter a bit up.”

“Better no alcohol, she said herself she exagerrated it a bit here. That also counts for me…”

“No, no, I wanted to dye Codys hair blue as a prank at some point… but, I forgot about it, but now that I saw Chantal looking like an exploded parrot with shades of blue, green blonde and …something that I can´t define, it came back to my mind. So… you think it would make her happy?”

“OH! Definitely. Thanks, And what do you want in return?”

“Good mood at our beach barbecue party at the end of this event! You three could help me organizing that, as … well… you know my team by now. They could need a little German efficiency. But don´t let your daughter alone with the food unsupervised, haha!”

“I think we can do that, yep. Maybe we find something there which will become a distillery with Jannes assistance again.”

1 Like

OK, when I got some time to catch up, I got sick, and also, I felt that more people were waiting for progress in FFF than for this so I had some prio on that, but trying to catch up now… It will, however, be without the usual formatting, to speed things up a bit…


Stage 10 - Talrem to Plentare

With Marie once again asleep with her head against the dashboard, Janne and Andreas jumped into the IP which…well. Woke Marie up. With a jump. So, she hit the switch to the dixie horn.

“BLLAAAAADADADADADIDADADADADADAAAAAAA”

“AUGH!”, Marie screamed. “What the fuck are you doing? I have a headache! Turn off this crap!”

“It’s not like if it was you that turned it on or something…”, Andreas said.

“Of course it wasn’t! I have a headache!”, Marie answered.

“You are a headache yourself”, Andreas grumbled while trying to start the IP.

“Nyyyaaa….nyyyyaa….nyyyya….nyyyyaaa……nyyyyyyyyaaaaaa”

“Goddamned”, Andreas said. “Seems like the battery doesn’t really like the cold after all.”

“I can get a new one”, Marie said.

“No, you can’t”, Andreas answered. “You will probably do it in the most stupid way possible”

“Whatever, stop blabbering, I have a headache!”, Marie said, once again falling asleep, slamming her face against the dashboard and getting stuck on some piece of duct tape.

“…nyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaa……WROOOOOOOOOOOOM!”

Well, the stage actually went rather fine, despite dry rotted tyres on a car with all the weight on the front end, after all, wintertime driving was only Andreas natural element. That was, until some snow came….

“SCREEEEEEEEECHHHH SCREEEEEEEEEECH!”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING”, Marie said, waking up. “TURN OFF THOSE SCREECHY GODDAMNED WIPERS, PAY SOME RESPECT FOR SOMEONE HAVING A HEADACHE!"

“Well, I prefer seeing where I am driving, to be honest”, Andreas answered.

“Seems like they didn’t”, Janne said, pointing at Team MCPs stuck vehicle.

“Fucking city dwellers thinking they can drive on anything else than dry paved roads, they should go to hell”, Marie said, once again falling asleep.

“SCREEEEEEEEECHHH SCREEEEEEECHHH!”

“RAAH!”, Marie said. “IF YOU TURN ON THAT LOUD FUCKING WIPER ONE MORE TIME, I WILL MAKE YOU SWALLOW IT!”, Marie shouted to Andreas, giving him a slap on the face.

“And how did you get that bad headache?”, Janne asked.

“I am allergic to smurfs”, Marie answered.

Later on, after a lot of fighting with Marie after setting up the tent in camp, they promised to see if there were some painkillers to find in town. Well, mostly to don’t have to listen to her nagging anymore.

“They basically have 30s era technology everything”, Janne said. “I bet they have better medicines too, since everything that’s good is banned nowadays”.

Getting to the IP, however, they noticed that something was very wrong.

bild

“WHERE THE FUCK IS THE FRONT SEAT?”, Andreas asked.

“Probably that goddamned Smurf stole it”, Marie said.

“You can’t blame everything on Chanty!”, Andreas answered.

“Maybe not, but this time I have a feeling that she is right”, Janne said.

Stuffing old spare tires and junk as a replacement for the seat, our team went to town and managed to get some pain killers for Marie. While getting back to the car, however, something unpleasant happened. Some maniac on a bicycle almost took Janne down, before ending with a huge crash.

“A fucking cyclist”, Marie said, “I hope she died.”

“It seems to be Chanty”, Janne said.

“Oh. I really hope she died”, Marie said.

(read up on the rest in Happyhungryhippo’s post)

After getting back to camp, Marie noticed that Thomas had put the E-bike battery back in the Primus. She also noticed that the Primus was unsupervised for a while, so she had a really great idea about how to get a battery. Well. Apparently the defective anti theft system on the Primus started working all of a sudden when Marie tried to remove the battery using….violence. The horn did not honk, but the lights started flashing, and the doors locked and unlocked like crazy.

“FUCK! SOMEONE WILL NOTICE THIS!”, Marie said, frenetically pulling the door handle until the door was in an unlocked position so she could get in. Somehow, some wiggling on the ignition key managed to get the anti theft system to probably stop working for good.

“I wonder if it starts”, Marie thought for herself, and started it up. The engine woke to life, but as soon as she turned the key back, something else happened.

“KABLAM!”

“I better get out of here”, Marie thought, sitting with the airbag in her lap after coughing for a while.

Meanwhile, Jan and Andreas had a conversation about the itching powder Jan put in Maries clothes.

“Are you fucking stupid or something?”, Andreas asked Jan.

“Eh… But to be fair, isn’t she annoying you too?”, Jan tried.

“I asked you a fucking question, don’t answer me with another question. ARE-YOU-FUCKING-STUPID, answer me, yes or yes?”, Andreas asked Jan, that now seemed to become very nervous.

“Eh…ulp…yes…I guess. But, do you really think we should get into such an argument for…”

“ARGUMENT? Who do you think is going to have an argument when she freaks out because everything is itching? Who do you think is going to handle all of that tomorrow? Huh!”, Andreas answered, getting more and more annoyed.

“Listen, if we look at it this way, she is a free individual on her own and…”

“DID I WANT A FUCKING EPISODE OF DR PHIL, OR DID I WANT AN ANSWER?”, an even more annoyed Andreas said, when Marie, full of white powder arrived.

“OK, miss Screwitallup, what the fuck have you been doing now?”,

“Nothing. I need to change my clothes”, she said and threw her talcum hoodie off.

“Eh, I am actually a bit uncomfortable with you undressing in front of m…”, Jan started to say.

“DON’T TELL ME YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN A PAIR OF FAT FUCKING BOOBS BEFORE, I HAVE SEEN YOUR FAT ASS GIRLFRIEND, YOU HAVE PROBABLY SEEN MORE THAN ENOUGH, UNLESS YOU HAVE TO GO FOR THE SOCK WHILE SHE MAKES MONEY ON ONLYFANS! Fucking stupid kids, what the fuck is the matter with them…”, Marie grumbled, while changing to the itching powder clothes.

“Eh…you don’t feel anything…weird…”, Jan asked, very nervously.

“I SEE SOMETHING WEIRD, AND THAT IS ENOUGH!”, Marie yelled at Jan and went away.

“Wait…what…how…”, Jan asked Andreas.

“You’re lucky she seems to have kind of a thick skin…”, Andreas sighed.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Mentioned: @SurrealCereal @Happyhungryhippo

4 Likes

Team Firulais

Stage 12: “Mind Reader’s Hell: The Incomplete Trilogy”

In Collaboration with @Happyhungryhippo [The Rhino Squad], @Madrias [Shift Happens, The Highway Hooligans {just a mention}]

Mentioning:
@SurrealCereal [Machinas Con Passione]
@Elizipeazie [GECA Interstellar]
@Knugcab [Team Hillbilly Rollers]

Morning at Asda…
Daylight Revealings

The Firulais, who couldn’t sleep comfortably last night, wake up the next morning. Greeted by the looks of their driver’s side now semi-destroyed… Ángel made a deep analysis on the car a bit earlier in the morning.

Ángel:“OK… So… Guys…”
Josué:“Does it have any damage ?”
Ángel:“Yes it does… And it is severe… But only cosmetic.”
Josué:“How can it be severe if it is only cosmetic ?”
Ángel:“Well… For your information, the roof is now bendable, the tires seem to be slightly worse, the windscreen wipers still on going, interior lighting is dead, there’s a hole in the roof, rear quarter panel of glass is almost completely black, my swamp cooler is gone, driver side door linkages are now visible from the outside, the only mirror we had is no longer there, seats have minimal damage, paint is now Black-ish on the driver’s side…”

It turns out, their car had taken a beating. Who knows how hot was the fire Ana threw that day, but, it must have been extraordinarily hot. Ángel could’ve continued, but he was then stopped by Josué, who just had one question…

Josué:“Does it still drive ?”
Ángel:“Yes… Mechanically it didn’t suffer. Sadly, this means I’ll have to sleep on the floor for these last few days.”
Andrés:“Man, I’m glad I wasn’t inside that car at that moment.”
Ángel:“I… Have to agree…”
Ana:“Ángel, I’m so, so, so sorry…”
Ángel:“How the hell did you not get injured in that ?”
Ana:“Being fully honest with you… I have absolutely no idea of how I even did that. Even today, I have zero idea. I know your family has powers, some of them very powerful. But, you’ve never told us if you had any family member with Fire Element powers…”
Ángel:“Most surely, we, as a family, have never.”

Then Tomás raises his hand, and Ángel allows him to speak.

Tomás:“I’ll go and ask Shift Happens.”
Ana:“Uhh… Why them precisely ?”
Tomás:“Didn’t you talk to them before that happened ? Anyway, Ángel, come with me !”
Ángel:“Uhm…”
Tomás:“What ?”
Ángel:“I’m feeling like another Mind Reading Crisis will happen today… I get the feeling. So I don’t wanna come within much distance. I feel like I need to control the situation, because I personally don’t want to cause more trouble for the other teams… Let alone cause more problems with the local police and the locals.”
Tomás:“OK.”

Tomás nodded, and headed alone to the Shift Happens part of the camp.

Tomás:“Hello.”
Lauren:“Good morning… Anything to tell us ?”
Tomás:“Yeah, one thing… we had a small incident last night…”
Lauren:“What sort of Incident ?”
Tomás:“Well… Ana drank a bottle of beer last night, after talking with you, and for some reason, she spitted fire afterwards…”

Lauren seemed confused after this statement.

Lauren:“I don’t recall her talking to us anywhere…”
Kayden:“Neither do I.”
Kasiya:“Well, in that case, that explains why we felt just a little bit hotter last night…”
Tomás:“Hmmm… This is all so confusing. I saw her coming with a bottle of beer… It certainly wasn’t ours.”
Malavera:“She must have stolen it, then. But from who ?”
Jayde:“I don’t think it was mine.”
Manikihali:“Then she must have stolen it from me, that little bastard… Well, at least, she now learned to not steal from us again.”
Lauren:“Yeah… Anyway. Any sort of things that happened to you or others ? Did anyone get hurt ?”
Tomás:“No, luckily no one, not even Ana got hurt. Maybe Ángel and I have some very minor burns and bruises, but nothing else… But… Our car caught on fire. Took a while to extinguish it. It still works though.”
Lauren:“Ok… And anything else to add ?”
Tomás:“Ángel thinks his next Mind Reading Crisis will be on this stage. Although he will attempt to control it on himself.”

With that and little more to say, Tómas headed back to camp… But would only tell Ana why did she spit fire… Or at least, what he got of an idea. He just knew telling everyone in the team that Ana stole beer and because of that their whole night was ruined would guarantee to start a very ugly fight.

Not much happened for the Team while they sat at camp. Only that then the Rhino Squad and a few others then noticed the incident they didn’t heard of, but probably felt; If the other teams felt the night felt an itch hotter than usual, or if they were briefly awakened by something bright in the distance, they weren’t having any illusions…

But, not all was bad at the Firulais camp. Because, 20 minutes before setting off, with a hearty breakfast of… nothing, Ángel arranged a little meeting for the team.

Ángel:“So… Is everyone here ?”
Everyone (in slight desynchrony):“Yes.”
Ángel:“Good. So, remember when I decided to take charge on the driving for the rest of the rally ? I’ve made the decision, to… Let everyone drive a bit of the stage. Essentially, one of us drives one bit, then we stop for a minute or so, and the driver is swapped, and so on, until all of us have driven at least once in the stage. Is that good ?”

With a slightly desynchronized “Yes!”, in various languages, the agreement was set. So for the last stages, everyone in the team got a chance to drive.

Road to Dalhus - Ángel’s Turn to Drive (2nd person to drive)
“Things went from bad to worse… But not for us”

It didn’t even take the Firulais much more than 20 miles before Ángel took a corner just a little bit too Rally-ish and blew another pair of tires… again.

Ana:“Baka.”
Ángel:“Sorry, guys. My bad. Will fix it now.”

Up to this point, it was almost always Ana the one who changed the tires. Now it would be Ángel the one to do so. Even so, it wasn’t a lengthy process at all.

But then, they hurd some news over in the radio.

Really bad news.

Apparently, one bicycle rider of GECA had crashed down the mountainside after being attacked. Machinas Con Passione’s Car had fallen apart. And Shift Happens and the Highway Hooligans had a crash amongst themselves.

They then heard a growling noise. Ángel apparently was the only one to get scared by it, as the rest of the team laughed.

He wasn’t laughing though. That noise really concerned him.

But just after Ángel finished repairs, they continued onwards, aware of the situation on the radio. They soon passed Machinas Con Passione’s car.

Ángel:“Gee, look at that.”
Ana (who was driving by this point):“Yeah, I know. Quite bad that.”
Josué:“I’ve taxed worse.”
Ángel:giggles“You’ve taxed worse ! B…but, yeah… I’m actually quite glad we aren’t them…”

“I know this event was for crappy cars… But… Just how crappy did they want to get ?”, thought Tomás, who was looking at them how he could, given their passenger’s side rear quarter panel was non existent, and had tape instead. But the hole of the tubing of the improvised swamp cooler was still sitting in there.

Throughout the stage, they also noticed just how Ángel was… Starting to get more tense. More nervous. Just before entering Dalhus, he asked the driver (at that moment, Andrés was driving, last driver of the day) to pull over, so he could go away and try to wait for the effects to dissipate.

Given they’d driven relatively fast, they lost quite some time due to that inconvenience. Not to mention the tire blowout, and the swap of drivers every 15 miles or so. At one point, Ángel let himself have a Mind Reading Incident, this team reading Andrés’ mind as they were in an Area where it didn’t make much sense to go away. Besides, they couldn’t stop in that particular zone. And, while it certainly wasn’t pleasant, his team was getting accostumed. So was he. Even if for him getting accostumed was significantly harder, because every time the pain just seemed to intensify…

…they didn’t focus on the time either. They’d all forgotten all competitions and now the “leaderboard” was nothing but a small reference on how they did. Right now, their only objective was finishing.

Afternoon at Dalhus.
“No mames, no me la creo” - Ana Montoya

Even with the inconveniences of Mind Reading, and the events of last night, the Firulais were still one of those teams who was there for fun.

That seemed like it when they agreed on a small mini-match of soccer against Chantal and Jan of the Rhino Squad in a small grass field, which they improvisedly turned into a temporary micro-soccer pitch of sorts. However, Ángel, knowing now how time was vastly different in Aetherii than in Earth, he decided to put things easy, and change some rules.

No more than half an Aetheriian Hour of Play Time (for those not accostumed, that’s roughly 53 minutes on Earth).
4 break times (10 Aetheriian Minutes, 4 times to rest for 3 Aetheriian Minutes).
And no more than 4 players per team.

And with that, the little game began. Chantal and Jan in one side, Ángel and Josué on the other.

Now, the match didn’t have much to say, other than the fact that Ángel scored a very early own goal, that Chantal actually scored one of 3 goals for her team, and that Ángel actually got the chance to redeem himself later after looking at how he had the chance to score the goal of victory (at that moment, they were tied 3-3).

However, while he wanted his play to be efficient…

…it actually ended up looking a lot more like this.

Ana, who was commentating to give some more touch to the game, actually said the following…

Ana:“Ahi va. Última jugada. Ahí va, que hizo Jan-? Ahí va Ángel, solo Ángel, solo Ángel, solo, solo, solo, solooooo, TIROOOO… Qué !? Pero… No mames, no me la creo ! Ni para eso es capaz ! Se comió el gol de la victoria !”

Translated: “There it goes. Last play of the game ! There he goes, what has Jan…? There goes Ángel, Ángel alone, Ángel alone, alone, alone, alone, aloooooone, shooooot… What !? But… Don’t suck, I can’t believe it ! Not even for that he is capable ! He ate¹ the winning goal !”

¹In Spanish, “Eating a goal” is essentially, failing a very easy goal. Very common term used in Colombia.

So, the match ended 3-3, although it could’ve well finished 4-3 if Ángel hadn’t made such a ridiculous blooper.

Not much more happened for them that evening though… Only that they’d Hurd that the Hillbilly Rollers had sabotaged the Rhino Squad… And, they, same as other teams, were also having enough. They felt things were going a bit too far. Specially Ángel, who could still vividly remember how he tackled Marie that one day, at Björnes.

Midnight at Dalhus
The Incomplete Trilogy of “Mind Reader’s Hell” comes to an end

Given how where the effects on the other stages of Mind Reader’s Hell, Ángel for the day at Dalhus had a good day… Having 4 in a single day may be a lot. But only 1 ? And later the effects dissipating ? That’s normal to him.

So, for once, he actually got to sleep good…

…well. Not so much. As he now had to sleep on the floor (more specifically, decided to do it underneath the car). He now hoped no snakes were after him.

But the trilogy of sorts wouldn’t be complete without one last act of Mind Reading Chaos. Late that night, and, we mean very late, Ángel was experiencing the usual effects of Mind Reading… Even though he wasn’t reading anyone’s mind… BUT, he was in close proximity to others, so… What was going on ?

Well… The migraine eventually generated a nightmare. One which seemed particularly difficult to escape from. What was this nightmare about ? Imagine a compilation of all of his Mind Reading Incidents… And merge all images and sounds. And make it last longer.

When Ángel finally managed to wake up from it, he didn’t remembered he was sleeping underneath the car… Before hitting himself in the head with the underside of the car itself.

Ángel (heavily muffled):“AH—Oooooooowww…”

After that, he made the decision that, as much as he didn’t enjoy to sleep in the Aurora (and, now even less now that damages to the interior were getting quite clear), it was better than to sleep on the floor.

So that’s what he did. But the night didn’t seem to get more comfortable from there onwards.

Again, Collabs are Open !

(But I still haven’t caught Up. And I felt I tried to improvise down at the end…)

(And yes, writing for Stage 13 will begin in not much. I’m sorry for not uploading any more drawings though. So I’ll make some effort and make one for the end of the Rally.)

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