Stage 9: A Savage Business Plan
including Highway Hooligans by @Madrias, Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab, Firulais by @Angelustyle, Fuist by @Djadania, Honey, I bought a Sh!tbox by @Rambow, mentioned only: Shift Happens by @Madrias
“YAAAAAAAAAAWWWWN!”
“Damn, Chanty!”
“Sorry…”
Now, that Jan was away with her, too, both crawled out of their tent. As Thomas slept more or less for half of the previous day, he got up early and had the car already jacked up, with using some planks to have a solid ground that you better not asked where he got these from this time.
“What are you doing there this early?”
“Fixed the window you smashed and now the handbrake. So… it seems you had a very short, or let´s say … eventful night?”
“DON´T SMILE THAT DIRTY! Chanty, where are you going?”
“To Andrea and Pi, my shower buddies. I mean, I won´t go alone.”
“Sorry to disappoint you, but after doing some repairs and becoming dirty, I had to make the experience that there are none here. You can wash your hands, that´s all, or maybe hold your hair into the sink.”
“Naaaaaaaaaw! Damn.”
“Could you two please prepare breakfast, I AM HUNGRY AFTER WORK!”
“You are not the only one, dad…”
“JAN! Your job then! I don´t trust Chantal, she will propably eat half of what we have just while preparing.”
When they wanted to proceed to the starting line, Thomas started the engine.
Wrwrwrwr…SRRRRMMMMMMmmmtaktaktaktaktaktaktaktaktaktak…
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”
Thomas turned off the engine and stepped out of the car, walking in a circle with visible despair. Then the withnessed how Chanty tried to sneak back from the front of the car, holding something… silver.
“Chanty? Is that a wrench? WAIT! Don´t tell me you have been knocking on the grille to make me think the engine is gone! JUST DON´T!”
“Eh… I would NEVER, I mean, …eeh…”
In the bush behind, giggling was audible, and Thomas found Cody there.
“Let me guess: That was your idea?”
“Of course.”
“Yeah, really great, when I would have started I might have rolled over my daughter, idiot!”
“You sure that this works with your rear wheels still jacked up? I mean, my grade in physics wasn´t great and I could be wrong, but I am just asking…”
“Ah, CRAP! I knew I forgot something!”
Cody and Chanty could not hold it any longer and bursted in laughter, so that Thomas couldn´t really be mad at them, especially since it was such a pleasant sight to see his daughter having fun and being honestly happy at the moment.
The stage itself was not very spectacular. Thomas was driving fast, but not reckless, and they had to do a fuel stop since the V6 didnt generate power out of nothing. But the roads became bumpier in the last third of the stage, and Thomas managed to hit a pothole very hard, causing the CD (after the cassettes were all played through) to start hanging.
“AAAAAAAAAH TURN THAT OFF! TURN THAT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFF!!”
“CHANTAL! DONT TELL ME YOU ARE STILL SCARED BY A HANGING CD! Please…”
But it had no use, Chantal was already crying from being scared to death by that loud and, well, eerie sound. Thomas had to stop and let navigator Jan change from the passenger to the rear seats in order to calm her panic attack down.
“Thomas, I don´t think you should judge her! Weren´t you afraid of tube radios?”
“Jan, that comparison is unfair, because I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD! Plus, that weird sound when it wasn´t warm and that scary glowing of that thing were really frightening.”
“You were what? HAHAHAHA!”
Finally Chanty forgot to be scared of the scratched CD because she now focussed imagining her father being a scared little boy…
Upon arrival, their “host family” served them some kind of soup. and the portion size was… not exactly what would fill the stomach of both Thomas and Chantal. So Thomas remembered that he could buy sausages from the train, but no coal, as that was sold out. Even the bakery had no coal to sell - they needed that for their own bread oven, leaving Thomas behind with some frustration. And as he already drank beer, Jan was outside exploring nature and Chanty nowhere to be seen again, he couldn´t drive to the nearest larger town where he possibly could get coal.
But Thomas would not be Thomas if he just accepted his fate, a trait that might also grow one time on Chanty, too… by seeing the bath oven, he remembered the WM66 washing machine from GDR, without automatic heater - you had to put that off when having the right temperature, there was a thermometer for it. Thomas used it to boil sausages and wash dishes… and the bath oven in their host family´s bath was tempting. But since Chanty was complaining that she might soon run out of clothes (she won´t objectively, but… its a girl, in the end), he also thought he might be able to fit a drum in it.
The first effort with a wiper motor failed, as this was underpowered. But then Janne entered.
“Here are two beer, as you asked. So, what´s the matter?”
“Can you weld?”
“Looking at that sad fragment of a Primus in front of the house, I think I can at least better than you.”
“You´ll get that back. Anyway, can you repair a defective alternator regulator?”
“I think so. And how should I weld here? With what?”
Thomas connected the battery of his car with two starting cables and an electrode he got out of his toolbox, and a visibly impressed Janne noddeed, and asked for some good sunglasses.
While Thomas boiled sausages, Janne tried to get the alternator back to work, and the host family was thankfully not present because they were all out on the fields working after they waited for the team to give them the keys…
After bathing, cooking and dishwashing, it was soon time for the fourth function: The washing machine… Chanty and also Jan left behind a lot to wash, and Thomas was running out of stuff, too…
Chanty was outside, and crowded by cats and dogs, which she assumed were strays (propably not, but… its not that Chanty could know that), and the hungry animals cuddled with her.
“Meow.”
“I know… but… I have nothing left of the sausages… because… I was hungry msyelf.”
“Meow :(”
"And, … I dont have any money to buy you something.
“Meeeeooow. :(”
“I know, I am useless, I am sorry…”
A desperate Chantal was crying again, when Ana passed by.
“What´s wrong?”
“The animals are hungry and I have no food for them… and no money to get some.”
“Oh, well, they don´t look starving, Chantal.”
“NEITHER DO I, BUT I AM ALSO HUNGRY AS FUCK!”
“AGAIN? Didn´t you just eat?”
“I am at the point I would eat Kivas fried scorpions again…”
“That can´t be hunger, it´s something psychological - you need distraction. Well, I was just looking at these great small and windy roads. What a perfect place for some spirited driving…”
“You are right. The locals can´t really use that with their ancient shitboxes. They barely make it to 60”
“Oh, Chanty, I got an idea. I am going into the nearest town to shop. Should I get you some taxi customers?”
“What?”
“Yeah, one hot 5 kilometer ride plus the way back, 500 Holsian Krona, and you can feed a lot of animals then, I guess. I`ll buy animal food in advance for a 1000 Krona since I guess you will get at least two passengers here. I will drive against you, since I want some fun and the others propably, too”.
“But… with what car? And how did you calculate the price?”
“Yours? I mean, you can drive, can´t you? I will tell some in my team to distract Thomas, so you can get the keys. I guess he leaves them openly somewhere in the house you are accomodated? And come on, just look at the store prices of common things and put it in a fair relation then, so the 500 Krona are more or less … 30 dollars in today´s purchase power. Or 27 Euro, if you don´t know even that excange rate.”
“Yeah, sorry, you know that I am dumb. We need to look for the keys then…”
“Do you expect me now to tell you, naaah, you are smart? No, Chantal, I won´t lie to please people. I honestly got to like you a bit but it´s not that you`re smart, but you have friends and family to help you, so it´s not that much of an issue. You are good at many other things. Ah well, I´ll give you company, you can dye my hair then, because you did THAT as good as a professional hairdresser, really. I think that blue was nice, makes me more individual.”
“So… you like it?”
“Escuchame, Chantal. You are begging to be liked. I don´t need that. I just want to be respected. And you should, too. Almost everyone here in the camp likes you, and I got an idea why now, but the majority also makes fun of you. I would be really upset if that happened to me. Although, you showed me that respect doesn´t need to be deserved by intimidating others, and I am grateful for that. But damn, stop focussing on likes and let us get the car keys now.”
Where the keys were, was also the action right now…
“THOMAS! Isn´t that a bit hot?”
“Yeah well, you can´t just make a 30 degree fire… Fire is hot or it´s not. I better put that out now… but the water is still hot. Damn, I knew there was a difference to the WM66 and it´s the fact the heater isn´t electric but a fire made with wood.”
“Your fault for letting the grabbing stick sliding into the drum. Whose stuff is in there now?”
“Chantys… OH NO. She will kill me if we don´t get it out in time.”
“Yeah Thomas, I can see that.”
“HIDE OUTSIDE. I WILL LET THE ALTERNATOR GO FULL FORCE SO THAT THE DRUM THROWS IT ALL OUT BY THE OPENING! Stay away a bit, since it spills some water that is propably at least 60 degrees…”
“Thomas… are you…yes your are. This does not sound good”
“And it´s making some nasty vibrations… OH LOOK THERE GOES A SCREW.”
“And there… a weld… ONE OF YOURS BY THE WAY. The side that I welded is still holding up, not that this helps now, but I think it is worth a mention. I AM OUT OF HERE, SEE YOU OUTSIDE!”
With a BANG the bathing oven more or less disassembled itself, with a lot of smoke and steam spreading all around the house, thankfully, Thomas jumped out of the window in time and joined Janne in a safe distance.
“Alternators have surprising amounts of power, hm?”
“Yes, they have. And now, Thomas?”
“Collecting my daughters stuff, … if we can find it.”
“Some of it might be in the stratosphere now…drifting pink unicorn t-shirts might not be the perfect motivation for aliens to search for intelligent life on Holsia…”
“DAAAAAAAAAD! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?”
“Why do you think it was me? It could as well have been Janne.”
“BECAUSE I KNOW YOU!”
“The power of genes is surprising, isn´t it?”
Janne grinned a bit and looked at an amused Ana, a Chantal close to a nervous breakdown and a Thomas slowly realizing that his invention had a weak spot - it lacked a correct balancing mass.
Chantal was … well, not amused that some of her clothes were indeed washed to hot and changed from size [no, I am not allowed to reveal that in public] to size 38, maybe 40.
“NOT ALSO MY UNIC… DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!”
“well, doesn´t Andrea took some of yours last stage? I mean, maybe it fits to her, she is really small.”
“Hm, or… Ana, since you have blue hair now again, you might like that too…”
“Nah, Chantal, I am not your barbie doll… I don´t think that… EEH, stop dragging me, heeeeelp… ok, yes, I can at least try, if you want…”
In the end, Ana was not sure what to think.
“Hm. I definitely look more individual now, but … I don´t want to be associated with being cute, I prefer being seen as tough, but I also feel like I am going through a change of my mentality in this rallye, guess what? I`ll take that stuff and see how my team thinks of it, feels less wrong than I thought.”
Ana and Angel, who was very … irritated to see Ana with now really blue hair again and even Chantals style, went off to advertize their racing taxi event, as Angel was immediately in when he heard that it was to feed animals and help Chantal. They returned two hours later.
“So, here I am. A bunch of people will come over to be driven by you.”
“All right.”
“You look scared.”
“I am… I am not good at taking responsibility for others…”
“You do all that for feeding foreign animals, believe me Chantal, you ARE good at it. Just don´t try to crash and it´s fine.”
“But … if another car comes?”
“Here is absolutely not a lot of traffic. But we can block the road, sure. But with what?”
They finally asked other teams to assist them with a little help, using their cars as road block and telling the traffic to wait a bit until the two race drivers arrive. They asked the team Fuist, as they both might be interessed to assist as they actually are race drivers and might enjoy doing the favor without telling anyone what Chantal and Ana are up to, and the team Honey, I bought a shitbox listened, as they were standing nearby, but Clara was busy with doing some checks on their ride, so Vivian smiled at Chantal, as she saw her giving her father a lecture about bringing the spider to the camp and triggering anxiety of others and thought of that as very brave.
“Oh, some wild things your boomer daddy won´t appreciate? I am in for sure! But, what´s in for us, then?”
“So, you would drive with the team Fuist and secure the road for us?”
“Yes, but there is one thing. Clara just won´t do that for nothing. She is VERY competetive and just wouldn´t help the competition… and a bit of a loner, unlike you.”
“But… I am totally broke… all I can offer is… well, myself for whatever she wants to do with me, or…”
“Well, maybe a ride with your car is tempting, as our Pablato is really slow. The one you got there is definitely more fun.”
“But… it´s my dad´s ride… I am not sure if I can do that, he will kill me if something happens…”
“Ah, come on. If you crash, it´s the same problem, and Clara is a great driver. In addition, I assume your dad loves you despite being some oldfashioned dinosaur, at least from what I saw of him to this day.”
“So… eww… ok.”
“Yep, don´t be anxious, it is not really a loss if someone crashes into our Pablato, but Clara will definitely not abuse your car too hard, she is a cold loner but doesn´t want to cause you trouble by being too reckless”
, added Vivian.
Louis turned towards Vivian, visibly relieved.
“So, you are facing the, well, race track then at the finish line, while I am a few meters off in front to warn other cars in time to slow down? Would be great, because my Fuist might be a cheap mass-marked trash vehicle, but it is inherited and it means a bit to me, so I would not want to have it damaged.”
“Sure, grab yourself two camping chairs and some coffee and have a relaxed evening while dealing with irritated locals, we will be where the action is, but I need to talk to Clara first, she´s over there and I will need a bit of time for that, as she is really not the social one of us, depression hits hard”
Louis was a bit irritated.
“But, Vivian… Sorry to state it, but it seems obvious, Chantal is also depressed and the polar opposite, so, how is that possible?”
“Yes, because illnesses can have many different symptoms and outcomes, one is crying and overly emotional, another person can as well be introvert and a loner locking herself in from everyone else. I think it is totally wrong to imagine how somebody has to be just by suffering from a certain condition.”
“Oh, I did not want to be impolite…”
“Louis, that´s fine. Acutally it´s smart of you to ask me such questions instead of quietly judging my wife, Chantal or anybody else.”
Louis and Marceline got in their car and had a chatter, while Vivian talked to Clara, and Chantal and Ana prepared the cars. Taking the keys for the Primus was easy, as Thomas was again distracted with Janne, rebuilding the Nilfertinator 3000.
“So… let´s try again. By the way, Janne, what is that for a weird installation?”
“I added a fourth function. Marie is unbearable when she has no booze, and I need to do Jayde a favor that is… basically, providing him alcohol.”
“Eh… so?”
“It is now also usable as distillery. While your design was great idea, I was able to make it more efficient. These parts are no longer needed. Where to put them?”
“I
ll throw it out of the window... well, of whats left of it.”
“AAAAAAAAAAAH!”
“Oh, sorry Angel, I didn´t see you. Are you ok?”
“Oh, e…e…eh yes, Thomas. You don´t need these parts anymore?”
“No, collected these from some backyard anyway, so that was junk we don´t need to bring back.”
“I think that I have use for them, thanks.”
Meanwhile, it was turning dark. The roadblocks were installed, and by now a group of 20 to 25 people waited for their ride. The first ones were a group of young men that were really irritated to see the driving done by blue-haired girls. While Chantal did all four runs herself, the drivers in the Aurora were changed after every run, first was Ana. She drove a bit reckless, not particulary skilled, but it went well in general. She finished behind Chanty, but the Holsians that were not used to speeds higher than 80 kph were equally excited or even terrified in both cars, needing to… look again at what they ate that day.
The second driver for the Firulais was Josué - and he had a calmer and smoother driving style, so the second run was offered at all “customers” with sensible stomach, with Chanty adapting to the speed of the Aurora to keep it balanced.
As some people asked for a “smooth” ride, after noticing the pale faces of the first group, the third run was almost identical to the second, with Josué and Chantal going for a sane risk level, but still entertaining the locals.
The fourth run was reserved for the daredevil passengers that wanted the scariest experience possible. Angel took over in the Aurora, asking Chanty to send the Primus as hard as she could, then he put on a cássette with Initial D music… not a good sign at all at this point.
Both cars drove hard at the limit, and even if Chanty was quite fast for her limited experience and generally shy nature, she was now so excited that she just focussed on beating Angel. The cars even banged some times, but the damage was superficial - for the Primus, just some rust was shoved off the panels, with similar effect on the Aurora. Every few seconds the lead changed, and the droning four-cylinder of the Aurora tried it´s best, but the Primus was just stronger uphill, but the last part of the improvised track was downhill, and with a totally insane drift, Angel finally passed his opponent and slided as first through the last corner, but Angel forgot about one thing: The Pablato blocking the way for security reasons, and the skidding Aurora missed it only by centimeters.
Clara was the first to react.
“Damn, there missed our insurance money.”
“There also goes some food again, what a waste”
, said Marceline. Vivian was not really willing to look at the dizzy passengers getting out of the cars and being busy with re-dining. Clara turned to Chantal, who lighted a cigarette to deal with what she just saw - Angel almost crashing hard.
“So, this was my part of the deal. Now it is your turn. Keys now.”
“They…are inside… left in the ignition, the engine is running to cool down…”
, answered Chanty, still visibly scared.
“Don´t worry, I will neither harm your car nor the passengers. As soon as they are ready, I will drive them back to the starting line. You can take a seat in the Pablato, Vivian will take you with her.”
Chantal then proceeded to Angel, who was also quite done with his nerves, but remaining professional and very polite to his passengers, as a Japanese should.
“Angel, Cigarette?”
“No, I don´t smoke… but, I could need a drink later, after my driving tasks are fulfilled. I might drive a bit slower then, if my passengers prefer this.”
“YES PLEASE, FOR FUCKS SAKE!”
, was the reply, and Angel might have nightmares for the next sleeping period from what had just almost happened.
Clara luckily didn´t go as fast as she could, but still had great fun pushing the barge hard on the six kilometers of Holsian backroads before handing it back to Chantal.
“Interessing. I could finally try it out one of these old sofas with some engine power. The engine is quite rough for such a luxury car, but the car feels light and really well balanced, while the suspension is on the comfortable size. Don´t these have adaptive dampers at last?”
“Hello, …eh, Clara, I guess? So, they weren´t ordered by the first owner. The whole car is configured very weird, has almost everything but no seat heaters or the suspension upgrades, which were usually the most common. BY THE WAY: CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! GET IN! NOW!”
“I… am dead now. Please…remember me…”
A desperately sobbing Chantal got inside with hanging shoulders as her father who appeared out of nowhere told her, and Angel stood there a bit helpless, not saying anything since he thought he could make the situation only worse. Inside the house, it became a bit loud and definitely more heated than the seats of the Primus ever could without the option ordered…
“You have done that for WHAT?”
“Stray animals… and if enough money is left, maybe feeding homeless. We saw some in the streets… we can not just drive here with such a large car, have fun and get drunk while others have to exist in poverty and remain hungry…please don´t yell at me, just hit me, that is easier for me…”
“Chantal, STOP! Have I ever hit you?”
“No, just thrown things…”
“Yes but not at you but at the wall!”
“Poor wall…poor cups, pillows and pencils… they suffered instead of me… you should aim at me now, with a hammer maybe…”
When Thomas was about to use the duct tape in order to silence his daughter for what she again started to say, Jannes voice was audible.
“READY! I have no idea what drama your freakshow causes again, but I will invite to … Holsian Midsommar now. We really distilled too much to fill that in the bottles we have.”
“THE DISCUSSION IS NOT OVER! YOU WAIT HERE UNTIL I AM BACK, CHANTAL!”
Jan went downstairs, complaining.
“What is this for a shitshow again? I WAS JUST BRINGING THE KIDS TO BED, NOW THEY ARE AWAKE AGAIN! Chanty, please help me calming them down again.”
The pair did its best to make the three kids of the host family, aged from 4 to 9, sleep in peace again, as their parents asked Jan to take a bit of care for them, since they worked as farmers and had to do repairs in the barns and were grateful that they got the time for it with Jan trying to be a nanny.
“Damn, you would be such a good father.”
“Don´t start this topic again.”
“But… you know, this is my dream. Our little happy family. Honestly, how am I doing at this task?”
“Fairly good, actually, you´re really a person that kids seem to like. They are sound asleep. I needed an hour for this.”
“So… how about names for our own kids then? But we need two of them, like all in my family have.”
"Wait what, what is Thomas second name then? I mean, yours is Jolina but I never heard his.
“Peter.”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT?”
Thomas Peter Nilfert, coming back to continue the discussion with Chantal, just heard the last part about making him a grandfather, and he immediately freezed in shock, then just gasped for air and decided to get drunk as fast and hard as possible with the others that already enjoyed the freshly made booze.
“FUCKING HELL NOT AGAIN!!!” he screamed out of full lungs upon arrival to find a still conscious Valentin covered in his own blood.
