Shitbox Rally 2024 - Journey to Holsia (Completed, Final Stage Released)

Stage 10: Magic Moments

teams included: Shift Happens by @Madrias, Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab and Firulais by @Angelustyle

teams mentioned only: Chitco by @MrdjaNikolen, Fuist by @Djadania

In the next morning, Thomas had a serious hangover. Jan had to convince him to leave the bed at all, just like Chantal. Thankfully, Thomas can´t remember everything of the previous day, including Chanty doing her racing taxi and planning to make him a grandfather… which is propably a very good thing.

When they were about to proceed to the starting line, the radio of the car was blazing awful music at full volume!

“WHAT SHIT IS THAT? WHO USED THE CAR LAST?”

“CHANTY, WERENT YOU USING IT LAST NIGHT? I SAW YOU DRIVING OFF TOGETHER WITH THE FIRULAIS CAR”

“JAN, YOU DAMN SNITCH! AS IF I WOULD LISTEN TO THIS CRAP? WHAT LANGUAGE IS THAT EVEN?”

“SWEDISH!”

“ALL RIGHT KIDS, WE WILL PAY THIS BACK TO THE HILLBILLYS! BUT FIRST HELP ME TURNING OFF THE RADIO BY GIVING ME THE FUSE DIAGRAM!”

“DAD, DOES THIS MEAN WE HAVE NO MORE MUSIC?”

“FOR TODAY, DEFINITELY!”

A very disappointed Chanty then looked at her headphones as if she wanted to marry them, and then just put them on and solved the problem for herself with that.

The way up on narrow and muddy roads was quite slow and challenging, and Thomas was very happy to have fitted more or less still roadworthy all-season-tires on the car, so that the large RWD car could be kept on course, and a bit of playing with the traction control switch allowed for a good balance between not getting stuck and not skidding off the road. When Thomas and Chanty had a smoking break, they were surprised how much colder it was now, and had to grab pullovers to enjoy their cigarettes, and they hoped that it will be not THAT cold in Prentare, and the snow/rain combination would stop.

“What is this place here?”

“Prentare.”

“Looks like a shrunken capital. So, I can´t see a campsite, we are right in the city center.”

“There is none.”

“So, a hotel again? GREAT! My back was already getting used again to a proper bed yesterday. And even if the weather is now a lot better, its still cooooold if your aren´t kissed by the sun´s rays…”

“If the roadbook doesn´t lie, … we sleep in the streets.”

“WHAT? NO WAY I AM LIVING LIKE A HOMELESS!”

“Thomas, this might be a humbling experience for you then.”

“I SAID NO WAY. You can do what you want, but I will book a hotel room.”

“And that from someone born and raised in a socialist country, weird.”

“JAN! I HAVE BACK PAIN!”

“You skipped the biking excercises that you promised for two stages now. You should do that now, or do you want to die early?”

“Yes.”

Chanty, who just switched her headphones off and stopped dancing with herself, gave her father a hard slap with the roadbook, again crying and clearly being sad.

“DON´T SAY THAT! IF YOU DIE, I WILL KILL YOU!”

“Calm down, I meant yes to… that I should do cycling today… ok??”

A still crying Chanty then firmly hugged her father, pointing out that she saw a propably abandoned bike at the roadside only a few blocks away, and that she will get it for him, while Thomas organized a table in a nearby restaurant.

Thomas tried to read out what was written on a special offer advertizing, doing that loudly to make the translator ring translate it.

“I SUCK D—S!?”

Some heads turned towards Thomas, with a range of facial expressions going from amused to really offended.

“Nah that can´t be accurate, I need to work on my pronounciation of Holsian…”

Now as Thomas seems to talk with a ring, the locals just thought he … is an inpatient from the local hospital´s mental ward and didn´t bother much. Then, he finally read it out correct.

“ALL YOU CAN EAT. Well, that´s for us then, definitely. Let´s go in before that glutton gollum finds out then, because that discount troll and my little monster don´t work well together at buffets.”

The Rhinos entered the restaurant with only two members, as Chantal wanted to do something first that would make her hungry… And… well, the restaurant owner regretted it already when Thomas took his fourth dish, but then Chanty entered, excusing herself that she sweated a lot and needed a shower at a nearby public bath first… and started eating. Why she carried some bench seat… is a mystery for now only she knows the answer to.

The “All you can eat” advert was… removed even before Chantal finally considered herself some kind of saturated.

“Chanty,… you better stop now.”

“But why? Itff deliffiouf. Mmm.”

“The waiter and the cook will kill you soon if you don´t stop ruining them. So, eat your dessert and let´s get out of here.”

“Deffert? Whif deffert?”

“HOW DID YOU EAT THIS UP NOW? IT WAS STLL HERE NOT EVEN A MINUTE AGO! Move it Chanty, I better give them some tip… YOU BLACK FOOD HOLE!”

After finally leaving and relieving the restaurant owner, Chantal showed her father the bike, but Thomas already cheated by using a starter wired to… the battery of his car that was taped in place in the rear, building an E-Bike, since Thomas didn´t really want to do excercising.

“THOMAS! THAT IS CHILDISH CHEATING!”

“It´s not. I promised you to ride a bike, and I DO RIDE A BIKE NOW.”

“NO! This isn´t sport, that´s just… ah come on, it´s your fault then if your heart finally gives up.”

“YELLOW CARD, JAN! Don´t speak up to me like that! I warn you once, not twice!”

“Yeah, Thomas the Temper Engine, I see!”

Chanty was now having another panic attack from seeing her loved ones arguing, and jumped onto the bike and accellerated hard, as the starter of the car does have some force to crank that large V6 engine.

“DAMN! THIS BIKE DOES NOT HAVE THE BRAKES ADAPTED! STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!”

But it was too late, Chanty was already out of sight, and lost control with the extreme accelleration, unable to slow down with the almost non-existant brakes, and managed to hit a lamppost with high speed, and to put it mildly, after encountering Maries rage, she looked a lot better than now. Sadly, Marie was standing next to her now, as the Hillbilly Rollers were leaving a pharmacy, buying Marie some pills against her hangover headache. Janne was almost wiped off the sidewalk from the uncontrolled bicycle.

“OH SHIT! That was painful! Chantal! HEY, CHANTAL! CAN YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”

“Yes… DAMN! THIS HURTS!”

“You don´t get my painkillers, smurfette!”

“MARIE, YOU ARE NOT ASKED!”, answered an annoyed Andreas.

“Can you stand up?”

“I can´t… use my legs”

, cried Chanty, overwhelmed by the shock.

“Well, if you are now paralyzed, you can maybe ask your daddy for a wheelchair from Primus, these cars look like prescribed from doctors anyway!”

“SHUT UP!”

, yelled Janne and Andreas, perfectly sychronized, but what Marie said was already processed in Chantys brain, who was now terrified and cried even more, so that she was totally unable to communicate with others anymore.

“I wish that would have happened to you, Marie”

“Come on, Janne, you know that bikes are for kids and environmentalists only. So, that leftist kid got what it deserved.”

“You should be happy that you didn´t get what you deserve - YET!”

Janne tried to calm Chanty down and checked her for serious injuries.

“We will carry you to Shift Happens, they can perform magic, so that can be cured easily, if it is no serious injury.”

“Yeah, but this looks serious.”

“Andreas, I am NOT BLIND.”

In that moment, Jan and Thomas appeared out of nowhere, and very exhausted, as they ran as fast as they could. Thomas visibly suffered from seeing Chantal in that state, and tried to ease himself up with black humor.

„At least it´s the lamppost in front of a pharmacy, so the way is short to get medical supplies… and the hospital is right over here.“

„No, Thomas, we need some magic. I don´t want to hand her out to people with 1930s knowledge and instruments. When they see how her mental health is, they will propably lobotomize her. I will now use the emergency ring!“

„Fine, Jan, but they already weren´t able to help her with magic when we asked last.“

„That is something way more serious than feeling homesick. Actually, they did help us with magic already, remember when you had a weird feeling where I was when I insisted on walking ? That was them doing magic.“

“They should magically let her disappear instead, that would do us all a favor”

, said Marie, with Thomas heating up even more.

“YOU GOLLUM WILL NOW GO AWAY AND LEAVE MY DAUGHTER IN PEACE, OR I WILL STUFF YOUR MOUTH!”

“Looking at your daughter, you have already a hard time stuffing her mouth with food, but Jan could need a bit more to eat.”

Thomas pushed Marie, who … had problems keeping balance, as she was even a lot heavier than Chantal, and she fell almost on Chanty that would have become flat as a pancake, so Thomas tackled her to change the direction towards … hard cobblestone.

“AAAAAAAAAAARGH SHIT!”

“What is it Thomas?”

“I think that gollum is even so heavy that I broke my arm at the contact. FUCK!”

In just that moment, Shift Happens arrived, called by Jan with the emergency ring. They improvised with a bench seat in their bus as bed for Chanty, while Thomas, still standing on two feet, was checked outside since Chanty, now crying less and again aware of what happens around her, should not see her father being injured. Angel sent Ana to comfort Chanty a bit, as he himself didn´t dare to join - that much stress might trigger a mindreading incident. Jayde was setting up his stuff, while Lauren dried Chantys tears with her furry paw.

“So, it will be all right, Ana is here since someone will have to guide you to your campsite, as our magic drinks include a lot of alcohol…, and Andrea and her centaur friend… Ah, Pi, yes, that tattoo on Andrea is really a good reminder, were also here. They both can´t see blood so I told them to come back later, and sorry for throwing Jan out, but he was just too nervous and is propably better off preparing your campsite, as you are not in real danger. So, many people look foward to be hugged by you as soon you walk out of here.”

“That means…that I … have almost as many friends as diagnosed mental illnesses? Really?”

“Of course you have, and…”

“LAUREN! Can you please come over?”

Kiva interrupted them, and Lauren excused herself and went outside, and Jayde pointed on his casted arm.

„We need to make sure nothing is broken, as we can´t fix that easy. It would be a very risky magic spell, and we don´t even try that on ourselves because of the possible complications. Ana, I could you please do that? It might be easier if a friend touches her, and I need to get some herbals.“

Ana did as ordered, and Chanty cried a lot, as some pressing here and there caused some pain.

“Eh, if you still feel pain on everything, you are definitely not paralyzed, so, forget about what that hillbilly monster said, do you understand?”

“Yes… but… how bad is it? It feels like nothing is in place anymore?”

„Oh, oh, quite a lot broken, but guess what? There will be enough space on that giant cast for all people to sign it!“

Chantals eyes became empty as if her soul was leaving her, and Ana already regretted being sarcastic, but even if Ana changed a bit towards Chantys mentality, it doesn´t mean it would make her a totally different person in a couple of days.

“Please kill me!”

“THAT WAS A JOKE, SORRY! I thought… you would take that one better. After all you´ve told, getting into bad accidents isn´t new to you, so… I thought you`d be more relaxed…”

Outside, Kiva explained Lauren the problem.

“Thomas just wouldn´t calm down because we can´t heal his broken arm.”

“Well, we can actually, but don´t recommend it.”

“I DONT CARE! I have to work when we are back and I can´t need an useless arm then. I am not sitting at some fancy glass office in the city center, I AM A DAMN CAR MECHANIC! AND MY CUSTOMERS… AAAH! RELY ON ME! And not to forget…I … so, I … urgh. Where was I?”

“OH NO! Heart attack. Kiva, get Mani, now. And don´t let Chantal notice any of this! She´s feeling bad enough already.”

Inside, Jayde came back with some kind of… a drink, and asked Ana how Chantys state is.

„Surprisingly, she doesn´t seem to have anything broken. Just… well, in a fight between concrete and skin, the skin rarely wins. I mean, she is well-cushioned, so that is useful I guess.“

“But there was no pillow, just a fucking hard lamppost”

, cried Chanty, going through the shocking event of the impact once again. Jayde signalized Ana NOT to explain what she meant with “well cushioned”…

„We can try this magic drink then. Chantal, I will now make you sit up to drink it, this can hurt a bit, but you will be better soon.“

Jayde served Chanty something that… tasted the worst she has ever tasted, it was exactly like she imagined the sponge of the school chalkboard to taste, that was older than herself at that point and developing into some own kind of lifeform…. Added up by a spice resembling Thomas unholy chili wodka a lot.

Outside, Mani had to perform very dark magic with a lot of time pressure.

“Mani, he is almost dead, please, make it quick!”

“You forget that I can raise the dead if needed, I am not just a healer like Jayde, I am an actual magician. When I have to somehow fix this heart, I can as well also heal the arm. Now that Thomas has almost left this world, you can also put the bone in position, he won´t notice too much of it. But I don´t want to perform this out here where others can see me. This will cause me losing focus and also spectators would consider me an evil person for doing that dark stuff.”

“But Chantal is inside, she will notice then…”

“We have to risk that, if it´s that bad I can as well make her forget with another spell, lets carry him into the bus.”

Lauren did as asked, and Mani took a bit of blood from Thomas´nosebleed he also got from having enemy contact, and ripped off Thomas clothes, and writing mysterious runes onto him while spelling something that sounded really, really scary. After a 10 minute procedure, Mani sunk to the floor of the bus, totally exhausted.

“That… was exhausting. I have rarely used so much power in such a short time period. His heart… well, even if he didn´t become that upset today, I guess he would not have made it to the end of the rallye in either case. I can´t tell how long it will be fine now, but I guess it will give him 3 or 5 more years he can spend with his loved ones, maybe even more.”

Lauren gently took Manis hand.

“You did great. Plus, Chantal already got her medicine from Jayde… with… the usual side effect. She was immediately so fucking drunk that she didn´t notice anything that happened over here. Will Thomas wake up now?”

“No, propably not before tomorrow, by then the arm should be… well, maybe not totally fine, but he can use it again with only a slight pain. Damn, that medical bill will be …expensive, Thomas. Don´t get another heart attack over it, old man!”

“Mani, that´s a dark joke. Anyway, I guess he won´t mind you plundering his booze. I suggest you do it already now before writing the invoice because… Marie will definitely use the opportunity when she sees Thomas sound asleep!”

After exiting the bus, Chanty, totally lost and drunk, told Ana then what she did before joining the all you can eat: She removed the bench seat from the IP of the Hillbilly Rollers that now have to deal with… that revenge sabotage, but Chanty fell so hard in her home dialect that the translator ring failed, but… Ana had enough to laugh about anyway, as a drunk smurf is also something funny.

“Also, da habbsch mir also de Schraubnschlüssl jenomm, dis jing eigntlsch janz einfach… war abbor bissl schwers Ding da wegzutragn… ssch wees jarnimmor wosch dis hin hab…”

“Chantal, I have no idea what you are telling me, but I am convinced it´s great, yeep. So, while you tried to not to fall over your own feet, I asked Louis and Marceline, and they said Jan has put your sleeping bags in that unused subway station since he thought that´s the best rain protection. Can I leave you alone then?”

“Suuuuureeee…I`m just a lil delulu…”

“Oh, you don´t say?”

When arriving at the subway station, Chanty ran towards Jan and gave him a love overdose, and Jan was a bit irritated.

“Damn, are you drunk? But its good that you are fixed now, that was really hard to watch after the accident… but where is Thomas?”

“SSSH! Jan! Come over to me, I can not explain this loudly in the presence of her…”

Ana told Jan that Thomas escaped death once again with a lot of luck and black magic, and Jan was actually very furious at Marie now, asking Ana if she could take Chanty with her as he has to do something, then Ana remembered that she hasn´t given Chanty her share of the taxi rides yet, and would motivate her realizing her plans to feed the poor and hungry of Holsia, and that Angel will definitely help her with that.


An hour later, Chanty was already distributing animal food at the few strays in town, and since homeless also looked for shelter down there in the abandoned subway station, she thought about them and bought some snacks… with Angel more or less managing most of it as Chanty was too drunk, but felt great for being able to help others, but she worried a lot about Thomas and knocked, a bit less drunk by the end of the day, at the bus doors, and Lauren was stepping outside.

“Oh, Chantal, what´s the matter? We were already going to sleep, if it´s urgent, tell me, but otherwise you can come over tomorrow.”

“Is my dad ok? He is not at our … eh, campsite, although it basically isnt a campsite, but…”

“Yeah, I see, he still needs some rest.”

“Is it serious? Can I see him?”

“Chantal, look, I can promise you he is just exhausted, nothing serious, we fixed that broken arm and some extreme fatigue is the usual side effect of black magic, he will join you tomorrow in good shape.”

Lauren did not tell Chantal about the next almost lethal heart attack, as… Mani fixed the worst of his cardiac issues for some time now, and Chanty would not need any more bad news after having a stressful day herself.

“Can´t you fix … my shitty personality with that black magic, too? Like… making me less dumb and more happy, so I don´t annoy the others any more?”

Lauren sighed, then hugged Chantal and gently stroked her head.

“Chantal, you are perfect the way you are. I think even if your loved ones are a bit stressed with you, they would not want anyone to change a single thing about you. And the only one being able to make you happy… is yourself, and I think you were already on a good way today, but don´t forget about yourself when helping others.”

Jan, on the other hand, took away the itching powder from the host family´s oldest kid back in Talrem when he was doing the “babysitting”, but forgot to give it back, which he regretted since he promised to do so. On the other hand, this would be a good thing to put in Maries clothes, which he successfully did, but was then caught by Andreas…

2 Likes

Stage 10

Pov: Team HIBS (Honey I Bought A S#!tbox) 30 minutes into the stage, and in 3rd place, set to be their best result of the season.
(If you are struggling to figure out who’s speeking, they take it in turns, and frequently address the other by name)


“Well, this is more like it Viv isn’t it? Finally among the top runners”

“I will admit, its taken a while for anything mildly interesting to happen, and perhaps putting on all-terrain tires for a rally mostly on the road wasn’t the best idea”

“Hey, when I repaired this pile of junk T4 from the scrap parts you so generously got me. I built a rally car. None of this hosy posy round the roadsy we’ve been doing for 9 stages.”

“Hey, it was not scrap, those were premium parts from 1979”

“So, thats why they rotted away”

“That was only surface corrosion and you know it”

“Oh sush, besides, the only reason you got me those was definitely just to hang out with me…”

“No it was not”

“Was too”

“Was not”

“Was too”

“Clara, I only fell for you after I got the parts and was forced to listen to your wacky ideas about fitting a winch to a road car, remember?”

“Correlation, not causation.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense”

“Does too”

“Does not”

“Does too”

“Does… Wait, is that…”

“You aren’t gonna win an argument that eas…
Holly S#!tbox, MCP has stopped for fuel, we’re up into 2nd place.”

“And it was my genius plan to fill the car before we left.”

“You only did that because you thought there wouldn’t be any fuel stops up here”

“Hey, it worked didn’t it”

“Ok Viv, you win this round, but its not like we are moving at an exactly blistering speed”

“Hey, 19mph is perfectly fast for me thank you, any faster and we’d be down there…”

Roadside cliff

“Yikes, dont remind me”

“Go any faster and I will”

“Shut up”


Little did the bickering couple know, that 2 minutes ahead, was Faolan Industries, who had a poorer average speed, and were losing time to them in the steeper hills, and just another minute behind, were the interceptors, which weren’t really living up to their name, and were not exactly closing in on them.


“Ok, there’s no way we are getting up that”

“I beg to differ”

Its a 36° gradient, and we have front wheel drive

“True, but now you will see the genius of my engineering”

“You mean the consequences of your design
mistakes?”

“I didn’t see you stop me while I was struggling for days fitting a winch to a car with no anchor points. You were too busy staring at me. Meanwhile, I wa busy being the true visionary of this team, by fitting that winch”

“That we haven’t used yet”

“Well, im about to”

“You cannot be serious, that would put in jeopardy our best finish so far, and given the upcoming smooth roads and highways, probably ever”

“As stupid as it sounds, I spent days fitting this thing and if the only use if have for it is blocking traffic while
some other team hosts racing events on the road ahead, I am going to lose it.”

“Ok then, have it your way, but you are setting it up, and im driving”

But im the driver,

“Nope, should have checked the T’s and C’s when you married me”

“Which were?”

“I can take over driving the S#!tbox whenever I like”

“Im pretty sure that wasn’t in the wedding lisence”

“Just do it Clara”

UGHHHHHH, FINE”


As Clara began setting up the whinch onto a tree at the top of the slope, they heard an alarming noise. The distant grumble of a 1989 5.5L V8, approaching at the blistering speed of 16 mph.


“Claraaa, the Interceptors are catching upppp”

“Shut up I know”


Before they knew it, the Interceptors had inched their way by on the narrow road, taking the shallower but longer road, and were up into second place.


“Great, fanatic, phenomenonal, spectacular, amazin…”

“Stop with the adjectives, im working on it”

“Well work on it faster, even MCP will catch up at this rate”

“Ok, Give it some beans”

“The car doesn’t have any beans, its from 1974”

“Just do it, I’ll do the winch”

Slowly, the car began to accend the 75% gradient with the aid of the winch, which actually seemed to work.

“Yes, yes, come on Viv, more power”

“That’s literally all I got.”

“Well, lets hope its enough”

“Atleast we’re moving, im just wishing we get out ahead of the guys who just overtook us”


Over the next 2 minutes the car slowly made its way up the steep gradient untill it was firmly at the top on the other road.


“Lets hope that shortcut was enough, now out”

“But I just started drivingggg”

Out

“Fine, but you better push it hard, there’s no way we came out ahead of them after that little stunt.”


But as it turned out, they had. Accidentally they’d chopped a whole minute off by accidentally circumventing the narrowest section of the route, where overtaking would have been impossible, and they would have been slowed down by the teams ahead.
They continued bickering till they crossed the line, and they were absolutely shocked to hear where they placed.


“What!?”

“Haha, you owe me a drink”

“Clara, you dont drink”

“Did i specify in a bar? Im going to order the most expensive milkshake money can buy, and you’re gonna pay for it.”

“How come?”

“Its in the T’s and C’s of marriage silly ‘Vivian must buy Clara a drink if she successfully winches a car up a slope and gets them a stage win’.”

“The lisence definitely does not say that”

“Does too”

“Does not”

“Does too x2 triple lock I love you”

“Damit. It’s impossible to say no to you”


And with that Vivian went to the nearest café (which in such a sparsely populated area wasn’t easy) and ordered a single, large strawberry milkshake. Still having absolutely no idea how the currency worked in this world, they of course overpayed.


“Yum”

“Are you going to share?”

“Maybe, what number am I thinking of?”

“Number one?”

“Howd you tell?”

"Because we won obviously "

“Well, not exactly, grab a straw”

4 Likes

Team Firulais

Stages 9 and 10: Ángel’s Solution, Initial D Style Driving, a Crude Invention and a History Lesson

(Mentioning: The Rhino Squad [@HappyHungryHippo])

Early Morning at Hofrost
Ángel’s Explanation

As soon as the team woke up, they looked from afar to the confused Hillbilly Rollers. However, they didn’t approach… Plus, Ángel’s Artwork wasn’t all that appreciated.

As they made breakfast though, Ángel decided to explain what happened last night.

Ángel:“So, now I explain. When you guys were out, I was talking to different people all across camp. I had 4 Mind Reading Accidents that afternoon and later I took a decision which you may have noticed…”
Josué:“Which was taking the car.”
Ángel:“Bee-bo. And what I did then was taking the car, all the way to a place rural enough so I couldn’t have Mind Reading Incidents…”
Ana:“What do you mean ? That, you were far enough from civilization so you couldn’t read their minds ?”
Ángel:“Yeah, that was the idea. While I suffered a bunch of migraines that afternoon, I think I found a solution. Hopefully the next town is small enough for me to continue getting away with it…”
Josué:“Just… Don’t take the car next time.”
Andrés:“Or, at least, when we wake up, be there with the car early.”
Ángel:“I will. By the way, I… Giving it a second thought, I think Tomás should drive today.”
Tomás:“Oh… Okay.”

Besides that breakfast conversation, and some more, the rest of Stage 9 was normal.

They later helped Chantal with some business opportunity, and Ángel got a bit of scrap metal before that, after Thomas’ Attempt to make a Washing Machine and Dryer failed… But after the driving, Ángel was on a bit more than trying to sleep. In fact, he wasn’t sleeping.

He had given some thought and decided to use the scrap metal of the Nilfertinator 3000 to make some sort of rudimentary version of an Air Conditioning Unit… Consisting of a Fan, a tiny water pool, and some tubing.

Little did Ángel know, making such thing was useless in an ambient like this… But he had good intentions.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t finish it before it was too late in the night, recurring to sleep as late as 6-Moon-55. At least he later got a place to sleep in Talrem; someone had decided to rent Ángel a shed for the night. Not only allowing him to work on his rather silly project a bit further, but also allowing him to finally sleep in somewhere… a little less cramped.

Morning at Talrem…
Ángel takes command.

After a rather uneventful morning, and some eating at the local bakery, Ángel decided he’d drive for the remaining stages… A decision which was, initially, slightly panned, but, ultimately accepted.

However, another thing caught the eye of the team.

Josué:“What is that ?”
Ángel:“What ?”
Josué:“That.”

Said Josué, pointing at Ángel’s “A/C Unit”.

Ángel:“Ahhh, you mean, my invention… Yeah, it’s some sort of rudimentary Air Conditioning Unit… I know we are on the mountains, but, maybe it can make our day more enjoyable when we reach warmer lands.”
Josué:“So, how does it work ?”
Ángel:“Up front, a fan which is activated by the wind and blows inwards. In the middle, a small water pool, preferably with cold water. In the back, tubing which leads to the cabin.”
Josué:“So, a swamp cooler.”

Ángel stayed confused given how he didn’t even knew that was the actual name…

Ángel:“Uhhh… Yeah.”
Josué:“Well… Keep working on that. I’m glad we may finally have A/C by the late stages of this…”

After giving it some more work, Ángel decided to work on it further by the next town. He hadn’t finished yet… which was good, as the Swamp Cooler wasn’t exactly going to be useful in cold weather…

Road to Prentare.
Yumeisotitanian History Lesson

As they drove further and further into the mountains, at a rather sedate pace, Ana came up with a rather… Peculiar question…

Ana:“Ángel ?”
Ángel:“Yes ?”
Ana:“Why do you have mind reading, and telepathy, and all that ?”

He initially hesitated, but shortly afterwards he decided to tell them.

Ángel:“Should I tell you ? It’s a bit of a long story.”
Ana:“Yeh, I mean, we aren’t going exactly fast thru here, so, c’mon, talk to us a bit, time flies when you talk.”
Ángel:“Well… To start with things… Do you know what a Yumeisotitanian is ?”

The silence meant they didn’t know.

Ángel:“OK, so, Yumeisotitanian Humanoids are, essentially, an out-worldly species, which arrived to earth around the 15th or 16th Century. Why are they called Yumeisotitanians ? Because they come from the planet of Yumeisotitania, a small and rather unstable planet, which every few hundreds of years, has a “Snapping”.”
Tómas:“What’s a “Snapping” ?”
Ángel:“Well… To put it simply… Imagine Earth. Then imagine a small portion of the earth suddenly breaks apart from the rest. Then the planet terraforms to adapt to this sudden change. The break apart part is arguably the quickest. The Terraforming process is done mainly because the bits affected by the Snapping are in the Oceans, and usually only take water, or, in other cases, really tiny islands, and said process of Terraformimg takes a while… Well, in one particular snapping, as many as 5000 Yumeisotitanians were taken along with their Islands, and this was the Snapping that brought Yumeisotitanians to Planet Earth.”
Andrés:“So… How did they survive if they drifted along so long ?”
Ángel:“Being honest with you, I don’t know… In any case, the arrival to Earth was surprisingly quick. Most of the Yumeisotitanians landed on the Oceans… This time, the oceans of Planet Earth, and most notably, the Pacific Ocean, the Indian Ocean, and the North Atlantic Ocean. And most drifted towards the continents, while others to the Islands around those Oceans… Most Yumeisotitanians live in Japan, but they are now spread across the globe.”
Josué:“Interesting…”
Ángel:“I mean, they also are in Russia, Certain bits of the US, Canada, Chile, all across Asia, the Pacific, certain bits of Africa, Iceland, Greenland, Scandinavia, and bits of Southern Europe.”
Josué:“Any notable features ?”
Ángel:“Uuhhh… Maybe their powers. Aside from that, we are probably very weak compared to some other species we may encounter across the rally. Like, I asked a storekeeper at Lauda if he knew about Yumeisotitanian Magic. He obviously didn’t, but, from what I could see at the store, Aetheriian Magic is very, very strong… Or at least, stronger than Yumeisotitanian Magic, that’s for sure. I know we are a somewhat capable species, but, I’m pretty sure we have still a massive lot to learn…”

There was a brief moment of silence.

Ángel:“Oh, and, Tómas. Remember when I had my first Mind Reading Incident at Nevada ?”
Tómas:“Yes.”
Ángel:“Well… One of the bits of what I said there was in Yumeisotitanian.”
Josué:“You guys have your own language ?”
Ángel:“Wita !”
(In Yumeisotitanian:“Yes !”)

Before they even realized, they reached Prentare.

Afternoon at Prentare
A Mildly Busy Day.

What they planned to be a rather easy stop at another small city turned out “well”, as just a few hours after arriving, Ana and Ángel noticed how Chantal got herself in a little bike crash. Ángel sent Ana to the rescue, as he wanted to avoid Mind Reading Incidents for a while.

What he did, instead, was continuing to work on his invention… Working on that swamp cooler in the middle of the street wasn’t exactly a practical, quiet, or comfortable task, but, as the sun came down, Ángel’s Swamp Cooler was finished. He bolted it to the Roof, and instead of cutting a hole in the roof to make the cold air go inside… he looked at the cracked rear-right window of the Aurora… He had an idea, but executing it in the middle of the streets wasn’t exactly going to be good… At least, if he didn’t want to get in any more trouble. So he left that for the next day.

Later in the day, Ángel helped Chantal delivering food to stray animals and homeless people… Not only he enjoyed helping, but also, the abandoned subway station put him to think about something.

“What if… I sleep here ?”, he wondered.

Effectively, Ángel would sleep for the night in the Subway Station… It’d be his first experience as a homeless person… Of sorts… But same as the stop at Talrem, he was actually glad to find somewhere to sleep… And somewhere spacious to sleep in. He just hoped not to catch any disease by the morning.

(As always, Collabs are open for everyone…

Gee, this felt a lot like filler text…)

1 Like

Shitbox Rally - Stage 11

Stage 11: Prentare to Asda

Weather: Low teens, colder early on in the stage, cloudy, minimal rain/ snow, and windy


While yesterday brought us to new heights, today shows us that everything that goes up must eventually come back down. Most of the crews will have no issue with the road out of camp, as it’s not as steep, not as wet or caked in snow thanks to remarkably effective road clearing services, and a little better maintained than yesterday’s mountain-goat trail. For those in CE class, you’ll have to make a detour again. The observant ones among you will notice that, well… A section of this trip is the same road from yesterday. However, once you get to the valley, you turn left at the intersection, going the other way.

Another deafening bang announces that Shift Happens had tire trouble. Team Firulais joins them in running over the same piece of debris and popping both passenger side tires. The Interceptors blow a tire quite a while later, but waste no time getting it swapped out. The Spy Kids also have to stop and replace a burst tire, as does team Honey I Bought a S#!tbox. Machinas Con Passione finally catches up to the group after a popped tire swap, the car sounding a lot shittier now than it did when it started. Troublesome Trio and Theo also had a flat to fix, which they did with ease.
(@angelustyle, @AndiD, @SheikhMansour, @Rambow, @SurrealCereal, @06DPA)

The brakes on Timeloss’ car start to fade really, really badly. They stop to fix the problem with some new brake pads, brake rotors, and fresh brake fluid, losing two hours.
(@Fayeding_Spray)

The “Crazy” Eight have to replace a headlight after a minor fender bender with one of the local truck drivers. Luckily, the ‘30s-era truck they bumped is tough, and minimal damage was done to it.
(@TheYugo45GV)

Snork’s Tuners had their trouble free streak end in a huge cloud of steam. One of the radiator hoses has burst, and it takes 3.5 hours to find a replacement one in their spare parts, get it installed, and refill the radiator.
(@charlemagnejv3)

Ramjet has to stop on the side of the road to fix a serious engine issue, as the wagon starts backfiring loudly. 3.5 hours, new spark plugs, fixing the fuel system, and a roadside tune-up later, they’re back on the move.
(@JCurtiss96, @Leone)


Asda is a small village housing 1433 people in it. It’s clearly a forestry village, with a “banking handoff yard” nearby - Thanks to their charcoal fuel, Holsian banking locomotives can’t quite do the whole climb in one shot, so they come here to refuel while another locomotive takes over to push the big, heavy trains over the mountain. It’s a relatively simple and modest mountain village, not too big, but not too small, either, for the amount of people there.

Our camp is in that handoff yard, thanks to the train being there. Unfortunately, it’s on a lovely 3% grade, so everything’s a little bit… tilted. The same, honestly, can be said about where we’re camping, so try to make sure your sleeping bags, bedrolls, and tents don’t roll downhill… Or your cars, for that matter. For safety, the cars will be parked lower down the hill than the tents… So that accidents don’t happen. There are wooden outhouses around, but if you want a shower… You’ll have to do that in the rain.


Spreadsheet is here: SR2024 Stage Results - Google Drive

2 Likes

Team Chitco
Part 3

Stage 9 was somewhat uneventful to this team if we exclude driving on roads too narrow for anyones liking. There certainly was an effort by some locals to accomodate but this was clearly very overwhelming to them

Going from Talrem to Prentare on Stage 10 did brought out the fact that Kontir has 4X4 and manual locker differential. Still pace on hand was less than exceptional, and it wasnt helped by the need to refuel from additional fuel cans at freezing temperatures…which would then need to be promptly refilled along the remaining fuel tank when some gas station WAS reached. Sleep was partially achieved in car itself and partially in subway station that seemed to be refuge to some other teams as well: most notably Jakasxandra was exploring around said station in time when sleep just wouldnt set

Stage 11 also wasnt seeming too eventful itself if we exclude lovely tilt indicated in post above. Car was again one of possible points of sleep and nobody felt desire for shower.
Seems that the whole thing is going smoothly

2 Likes

Shitbox Rally - Stage 12

Stage 12: Asda to Dalhus

Weather: Mid teens, full clouds, and windy.


This time, as everyone leaves the camp, it’s obvious that the road is at least wide enough to support all of the vehicles, but other than that, it’s much like yesterday: mostly driving downhill, still nestled in the mountains, and still a rough time for those larger vehicles due to a few narrow spots and numerous switchbacks. As we get closer to Dalhus, however, the mountains gradually taper off into hills, a sign that we’re through the worst of the mountains.

Shift Happens pulls off to the side of the road as a team twists the SOS ring, calling for help. Kasiya, Inaelus, Manikihali, Kivenaal, and Sariya head outside, rift-walking straight to the location of the trouble.

GECA requests help after two rogue members attack Valentin, leaving him badly injured and halfway down a significant hill. The two rogue agents have teleported home with their rings, and after someone turns their SOS ring, help arrives in a hurry. Inaelus focuses on getting the rest of GECA to head to camp to grab their stuff while Mani brings Norse and Val to Earth with one of his rifts. Once Mani gets back, well, he joins the rest of Shift Happens in picking up bits of carbon fiber bicycle, and cleaning blood off of the road. The rest of GECA arrives in camp 3 hours later than expected, and Shift Happens spends 5 hours doing cleanup… And waiting for Kasiya’s temper to cool enough for him to get out of Wyld form.
(@Elizipeazie)

The Highway Hooligans’ Ishu has issues! More specifically… Jake sneezed and drove straight into the back of the Shift Happens bus, popping the airbags in his face as well as Trevor’s face, and causing the inertia switch to kill the fuel pump. The car seems fine, and the crew is okay, just requiring some extra effort to cut the deflated airbags out of the wheel and dashboard, rip the front bumper off and throw it in the back of the vehicle, and replace the headlights. Oh, and apologize profusely to Jayde, who got jostled off of his feet and onto the floor of the bus in the crash. All told, 3.5 hours lost… And a promise of an interesting day for Jake.
(@Madrias)

“Stop popping the tires!” Team Firulais, yet again, has a flat to fix. Joining them for a tire-swap session are Transporttjäns Eriksson Aktiebolag Eslöv, the Spy Kids, the Troublesome Trio and Theo, Ramjet, and the Hillbilly Rollers.
(@angelustyle, @WoodenPlankGames, @SheikhMansour, @06DPA, @JCurtiss96, @Leone, @Knugcab)

Gremlins! The Rhino Squad is crippled for 5 hours after a mysteriously waterlogged bit of electronic equipment causes some mishaps. After the seat moves full forward under its own power, the power tilt-and-telescope steering wheel starts dancing up and down, in and out, the car alarm and horn start wailing, and the radio decides to blast Chanty’s music at full volume, they’re forced to stop and try to fix the problem.
(@HappyHungryHippo)

Machinas Con Passione hears a rattling sound from… Somewhere. Suddenly, and almost without warning, the whole car literally falls apart around them, like something out of Looney Tunes, becoming a vaguely-car-shaped pile of metal, fiberglass, plastic, and rubber. Like every gamer knows, only the last hit point matters, and this car just showed what happens when it runs out of hit-points. Time to go join the train riders, because this shitbox has just driven its last mile.
(@SurrealCereal - Yes, this is the big one for you that we mentioned in DMs.)

Dalhus is a small town of 17,000 people, and it’s clearly an industrial town that popped up because of the railroad, and stayed relevant because of what they did for the railroad. They’re the western terminus of the cross-mountain line, so all traffic crossing the mountains eventually goes through here. As a result, they have a huge yard for rolling stock and banking equipment to push heavy trains up over the mountains. They also have a huge factory, which has to be huge for a reason: it is a locomotive factory. All of this leads to them having a fairly sizable station for a “small town” that would look very much comfortable in a small city. The town itself clearly makes use of their connections with the railroad, being broken up into cluster communities of a few thousand people each, scattered around the hills, each being serviced by a local branch line leading right into that industrial zone.

Our camp is halfway in between two of those communities, still vaguely close to the yard where the support train is parked. There are no services in camp directly, but a fairly lengthy walk can get you to flushing toilets in the station building.


Spreadsheet is here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQriVPEky_B00QiZ6lYrtLVt-u3XWPQW7CvfFNFordo91W4o4LYgWKmW6-SchgIpnTR4wQ6cfSyyQfl/pubhtml

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Team Shift Happens & Team Highway Hooligans & GECA - Interstellar

(Thanks to @Elizipeazie for the collaboration.)
(Content Warning - Contains violence.)


Stage 12


Another morning arose at GECA - Interstellar and with today being the fifth consecutive stage planned to be done on their bicycles, an established routine, but the extended distances and recent uphill challenges (refer stage 10) have taken their tolls.

Regardless, the group departed in an orderly fashion as usual, taking care to find their initial groove as they left the village.

Not long after, ““city”” limits were reached, followed rather swiftly by the group spreading thin as per established procedure on descents. Initially, and for quite some time, all was well as the group stayed vaguely connected, though retained a reasonable distance between two given riders for safety.

Eventually, the road got steeper, amplifying the distances between GECA members vastly, as some riders were more daring than others. Amongst the braver ones were Valentin, Bill and Bob, with Norse still close enough behind to have an immediate line of sight most of the time, in turn closely followed by an almost reckless Hugh.

A tight left hander was followed up with a loong and steep straightaway providing remarkable visibility of both the road and the areas below to their right, largely comprising of more or less dense forest, additional roads they would be riding on later as well as a single-track rail line poking in and out of the mountains with great effort, both Bill and Bob line up to the much heavier (and thus faster) Valentin, with the former alongside and the other close by behind Val.

Content Warning: Violence, Blood. Read at discretion.

From beside Valentin, Bill procures a small, but high quality pocket knife. Without any rhyme or reason, to Valentin, at least, the knife unfolds and Bill takes a swing at Valentin, lightly cutting up his left forearm.

Having been focused on the road ahead, Valentin had no way of anticipating this move as he instinctively covers the cut on the left arm with his right hand. The loss in stability causes Valentin to veer towards Bill, allowing him to make a second, substantially more well-aimed attack, managing to reach around his arm to cut up the inside of it near the elbow.

Immediately after, the knife is dropped as Valentin bumps into Bill, a fountain of blood erupting from the arm by that point.
Bill, in turn, pushes Val away from himself with all his might, sending the latter off the road to his right.
Running over a small mound of impromptu-dirt-ramp, Valentin spectacularly takes flight, disappearing into the forest by the roadside.

It was at this moment when Norse realized that - once again - shit has hit the fan, prompting him to become the first GECA member turning his SOS ring, thus alerting Shift Happens, all while still barreling down the hill at speed.
Once that was done, he, as well as Bill and Bob slammed the brakes hard, creating three narrow lines of rubber in the road surface as they came to a stop.

Norse, completely ignoring both Kerman brothers, immediately went to look for Valentin, spotting a mess of a broken-to-bits bicycle first as it - or what was left of it - was very visibly entangled in a tree.
The remainder was nearby on the forest floor.

The sight of both apparently was reason for Bill and Bob to immediately turn their rings, thus disappearing into nothing without a trace.

By this time, other GECA members arrived to Norse’s bike on the roadside, stopping to see Norse making his way down the cliff towards a nearby railway line, where another figure was visible.
Some of them also turned their rings as things were obviously not right, even if the only other true witness was Hugh Jass.

:sweden: “FUCKING HELL NOT AGAIN!!!” he screamed out of full lungs upon arrival to find a still conscious Valentin covered in his own blood.

Valentin was just groaning in pain as Norse started to tend to the most glaring issue by fashioning a rather crude tourniquet out of a shoelace, some fabric (partially his own jersey, some additional strips ripped out of Valentin’s jersey) and a sturdy stick for leverage.


On a winding road, Kivenaal was pushing the bus about as hard as he could, the self-driving AI outright filling the display it had with progressively more concerned emoji and a flood of debug spew as Kiva cut as close to curbs and walls as he could get, making room for what little local traffic there was.

This came to an abrupt stop, however, when everyone got an intense, uneasy feeling.

“Someone turned an SOS ring!” Kivenaal declares, parking the bus at the side of the road with the hazards on and shutting the engine down.

As the doors open, Kiva, Mani, Sariya, Inaelus, and Kasiya all step outside. Kayden shuts the bus doors behind them as Sariya stealth-rifts the group into the area.


The sight that greeted them was chaotic and messy, with three bicycle skid marks, a busted bicycle down in the trees, the scent of blood in the air, and Norse down the cliff next to Valentin.

“Right, everyone, you know your duties,” Inaelus says, taking charge of the situation.

(The following events take place at about the same time.)

Inaelus sends GECA onward to the campsite:

Inaelus gathers up the loose GECA members as best as she can, all too aware of the impending explosion and heavy magic use that was likely to happen soon.

“I need all of you to continue your trip into the camp. We have this situation under control and we will get everyone home safe. The side of a road is not a safe place to be, all of you know this. Mani, go down there, help out Norse and Valentin. Sariya, Kivenaal, Kasiya, cleanup duty.”

Inaelus watches as the crew slowly starts to filter out and ride onward, some occasionally looking back until they’re around a corner and no longer able to see the crash site.

With their navigators occupied elsewhere, GECA relies on the locals to help them get to camp.

Mani goes to help Norse and Valentin:

Mani drops down the hill about as quickly as he can reasonably go, showing surprising grace in this effort, a hint at his stealthy past. He makes it down to Norse and Val.

“I can get the two of you to a hospital on Earth. It’ll take a lot of effort to deliberately rift between here and there, but I think I can manage,” Mani says. He glances up at the departing group, glad to see that his magic use would be witnessed by very few.

Norse tried his absolute best to stop the bleeding and also keep Valentin awake.
While the former is largely successful, he was having a really hard time with the latter.

Valentin’s pained groaning softened into diluted and weak moaning.
:sweden: “Things will be fine. SH will get you outta here and home in no time. Please just stay awake!” Norse spoke as he frantically inspected Valentin for other injuries, chief among with being what was a very-obviously-broken left leg.
Failing to see a means to provide further direct aid, Norse carefully turned Valentin’s SOS ring as well.
Otherwise, it was just hopes and dreams as Norse repeated the phrase “Please stay awake.” in Swedish, complete with tears rolling while huddled over Valentin in hopes of help arriving soon.

Mani slides a bit as he gets closer to where Norse and Val are at, then carefully taps on Norse’s shoulder.

“Inaelus cleared the others out so I can do an open rift. I’m going to have to bring both of you back to Earth, though - Explaining me to the hospital staff would take far too long,” Mani explains.

Norse did not notice Mani making jis way down towards him until the latter was basically looking down at him and Valentin from directly above.
Likewise, he did not understand much of what Mani said, only recognizing “Earth” in the moment.

“Just do it already…” Norse spoke, not even taking his eyes off Val, “:sweden: we’ll be home soon. You’ll be safe.”

Mani concentrates on opening the rift to start with, creating a surprisingly-iridescent blue rift nearby, before using levitation magic to lift up Val and bring him, and Norse, through the rift.


Gothenburg, Sweden

  • The ambulance bay of Sahlgrenska University Hospital.

A shimmer in the air deposits Mani, Norse, and Val near the ambulance bay. Mani keeps Val positioned exactly as he was when he was laying on the ground, taking the time to check possible futures.

“Damn it, I’ve got to stick around… Norse, go get some help. I’ll have to start altering memories of people so they think they’re picking him up off of a mountain road, driving him back here, and then getting him in here. And so they don’t remember me.”

The process of getting back to earth was rather nebulous to both Val and Norse.
The instruction of “go get help” was initially met with a degree of confusion since Norse had to reorient himself, given the sudden change in environment.

Soon after, he hurries off, as Mani’s memory-altering magic does it’s work:
Two paramedics hop off of their ambulance, rush to the back and start working to aid Valentin.

Meanwhile, a heated discussion unfolded bezween the two:
“Did we flush him with any medications yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Do we even know what’s wrong with him!?”
“I don’t… Do you?”
“How the fuck did we get him here without any prepwork whatsoever!?!?”

By that time Norse returned with two more people from the emergency room, a stretcher in tow.
Initially, they did not seem keen on making the trip quickly until they realized that Norse was, in fact, not lying.
As such, they immediately took over, learning that Valentin currently is a blank slate treatment-wise and nothing has been done to him beyond the immediate first aid by Norse.

Mani focuses intently, doing his best to make sure that in all of this chaos, he wouldn’t be remembered. As the hospital staff get Valentin stabilized and up onto a stretcher, he’s able to release his levitation spell, able to focus more on altering memories. He keeps this up until Norse, Val, and the hospital crew were inside, at which point, he slowly fades the magic and then rift-walks back to Holsia.


Accident Site, Holsia


Mani returns from the rift and joins the others in trying to clean up the mess of debris and blood scattered all over the hillside.

Containment and Cleanup:

Sariya groans as GECA heads toward the campsite and Mani disappears with Norse and Valentin. Sure, Inaelus, Kivenaal, and herself were capable of cleaning this up, but she could see Kasiya’s rage building. Sure enough, an explosion of blue wrath-fire and a savage war-howl belted out by Kasiya’s towering Wyld form announces that their job just got harder.

“Inaelus! Stop him from turning the trees into torches! Kiva, with me, we’re trying to get all the bike shrapnel and get that cleaned up!”

“Got it, Sariya!” Kivenaal yells, rushing to pick up some of the shattered frame of Val’s bicycle, while Inaelus did her best to try to settle Kasiya down.

Ten minutes later, Mani returns, and Sariya quickly puts him to work as well. “There’s blood all over the road. Get that cleaned up before…” She winces at the sound of squealing tires and a crash. “Before someone else crashes.”

Mani runs up the hill to see the Hooligans looking dazed and confused, as two of them kissed airbags and the third kissed the back of the driver’s seat. “You three okay?”

“Yeah. Slid on something slick, fucking sneezed, and ended up right in the back of the trailer.”

“I’ll get that cleaned up.”

While Mani was using blood-magic to erase the blood from the road, Inaelus finally got through to Kasiya and calmed him down enough to return to normal, braving the heat and the blinding light he’d thrown off to let him know that everything would be okay. With Kasiya now calm, Kivenaal was able to put out the unintended forest fire, and the cleanup effort was soon complete.

Hooligan Havoc:

“God damn it,” Jake grumbles.

“What?” Cody asks, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning forward to change the song, then sitting back in his seat.

“I’ve had to sneeze for the last 4 fucking miles, and it just won’t… FUCK!

The Ishu hits a patch of slick road and starts to slide. Jake steers in the direction he wants to go and lets the V6 rip, tires squealing as the front-wheel-drive car-van-truck tries to straighten up and drive away. Jake’s sneeze hits hard, and is immediately followed by two more before everything goes white for Jake and Trevor, and a foul-smelling gray for Cody.

“My fucking nose!” Trevor yells.

“I really could have done without kissing an air-bag…”

“Eww… The back of the seat smells like a gym sock…”


Jayde had been watching the cleanup effort thanks to a spell he’d put on a window when a sudden, violent shunt knocked him off of his feet and sent him sprawling, banging his incredibly-sore right arm on the bus floor.

“Whoever fucking did that can have an interesting fuckin’ day,” Jayde grumbles, getting up with a pained growl. He exits the bus and glares at the Hooligans.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Jayde!” Jake yells. “The road was slick and I sneezed.”

“So you decided to hit the largest stationary object on the planet?”

“I was trying to avoid ending up down there,” Jake says, pointing down the hill toward the forest, “and ran out of luck trying to do it.”

“I am so fucking tempted to give the three of you an interesting week…”

“I said I was sorry,” Jake grumbles.

“You will be,” Jayde mutters darkly, before getting back into the bus.

Trevor grabs his pocket knife and cuts the air-bag so that he doesn’t have a big floppy curtain hanging in his lap. Jake soon does the same, then tries to restart the engine. It cranks, starts up for a second, and stalls. Then it just cranks, but makes no effort to restart.

“Where’s the fuel pump inertia switch?” Jake inquires.

Cody grimaces. “Under the car. Behind the rack of fuel cans.”

Jake sighs, getting out of the Ishu and staggering over to the passenger side, where he takes out each of the three 10 liter fuel jugs and sets them on the tiny sliver of solid road he had to work with. As he’s reaching in to reset the fuel filler, his right foot slips off of the road, causing him to face-plant the cargo box, lose his grip on the fuel-jug rack, and then slide down the hill. He comes to a stop in a bush with a wince. “Fucking OW!

“You okay, Jake?”

“Yeah, Trev, I’m fine. Just… Seriously, what the fuck!?”

Jake slowly climbs back up the hill, swearing to “any god that’s listening” that he was going to make an effort to lose a couple dozen pounds on the way. He resets the fuel pump, puts the cans back away, and then gets back in the car.

“I vote that we sit here a while,” Jake mutters. “I just kissed an air-bag, face-smashed the box, jammed my fingers into the fuel rack, and then got hugged by a thorny bush.”

“No fuckin’ problem,” Cody replies, nursing a bloody nose.


Dalhus Camp, 8 Sun


Kasiya watches as GECA gathers their supplies from the train and heads home, twisting rings and vanishing a few seconds later. The Hooligans were busy setting up a tent, all of them a little shaken up from the car crash earlier. Jayde had his tent set up by Takaraya and headed inside right away to sleep off the pain.

He’d spent a little time interviewing the GECA crew to figure out what happened. Most hadn’t seen it, but Hugh… He’d given enough insight for Kasiya to make a vow to himself. Whatever they had in mind, attacking someone like that, the Kerman brothers had just climbed to the top of his shit-list to deal with once he was back home.

3 Likes

Team Firulais

Stage 11: Glass Breakin’, Tires Poppin’, Fire’s Burnin’

In Collaboration with @Madrias [Shift Happens]

Morning at Prentare.
Early Morning Coldness

Surprisingly, sleeping in the abandoned subway station was more comfortable than sleeping in a tent on the street… At least for Ángel, that was.

Josué seemed to have a bad night, and so did Ana. Ana had run out of booze too, and, in fact, the entirety of the Team was starting to struggle with supplies.

Josué:“Hopefully the next town is marginally big… So we can buy stuff, that we are running out of.”
Andrés:“Yeah, we running out of food… And probably of spare tires as well.”
Ángel:“Look at our Front Left ! That looks almost entirely made of… Patchwork.”
Josué:“Where did you sleep in, by the way ?”
Ángel:“In the Subway Station.”
Josué:“Wait. There’s a Subway Here ?”
Ángel:“Well, it’s abandoned… So I thought ‘Will this be more comfortable than the car ?’, and it turned out, it kinda was… The only problem… I’m freezing.”
Ana:“Aren’t you from Russia ?”
Ángel:“I know ! I just don’t cope nicely with cold weather, I’m more of a beach boy… For, whatever reason.”

They laughed as they went to take breakfast at a local bakery, and later sat off towards Asda.

Road to Asda.
Tires Poppin’ - The Tire Nightmare Comes Back !

The early bit of the stage was going easy… Until they popped yet another tire… And then another went flat too, meaning they, same as their little break failure on their road to Lauda, ended up in a ditch. Unsame to the last time they were on a ditch though, they did 3 things - One, they took it easy, no tempers today. Two, they pushed the car out all together, and Three, Ángel took the chance to get rid of that cracked window. Meaning this was also a stop for “repairs”.

Glass Breakin’ - Making Room for the Swamp Cooler

Ángel:“So, guys, after you change the tires, I may do a modification to the body.”
Ana:“What is it ?”
Ángel:“Has anyone seen my toolbox ? I need a hammer. Or something which will effectively break glass.”
Ana:“Why ?”
Ángel:“Haven’t you Hurd…? I’m making a… How’s it called, Josué ?”
Josué:“Swamp Cooler.”
Ángel:“That.”
Ana:“But why would we want to cool down on this weather…?”
Ángel:“Yeah, I know, it’s not a brilliant idea now, but, it’ll be great for later, hotter stages. I know you guys don’t really tolerate heat very well.”

Little did he seem to know: in the night they’d have a -quite literal- rather heated moment.

In any case, out went the right rear quarter glass panel, now turned into bits with some Hammer Action, and the bits ending on the ditch they just exited -knowing probably no team would dare to pass there-, and was replaced by a lot of duct tape, which would later have a hole for the tube of the swamp cooler so the cool air would actually enter the cabin, and then later the remaining Duct Tape would be painted by Ángel to… Just let his creative side free.

Other than that, and some more Yumeisotitanian History given by our favorite Yumeisotitanian Humanoid, little seemed to happen between their breakdown, and their arrival to Asda. The most noticeable thing for the teams spotting the Blue and Black Aurora where the fact that 2 tires seemed to be made almost entirely of patches and make-up repairs (meaning, when they finally bang, they will go “BOOM”), and the fact that they had a Swamp Cooler… a feature which was not necessarily wanted in this cold weather, but for the Firulais, it was an achievement. And probably a “first time” on the rally.

Sadly, later in the night, it’d turn out Angel’s Invention wouldn’t last nearly as long as they would’ve wanted.

A lot later…

Late Night at Asda.
Fire Burnin’ - Hopes (and Ángel’s Swamp Cooler) reduced to Ashes

Ana:“Mind if I go to talk to the people at Shift Happens for a moment ?”
Ángel:“Not at all. Take your time, we’ll wait for you here.”
Josué:“I’m going to sleep.”
Andrés:“Same.”
Tómas:“I’m keeping awake.”
Ángel:“Same. I can’t believe what people’s reaction would be if I told them their town is named equal to that British Megamarket Chain…”
Tómas:“Ain’t ASDA a Car Insurance Company ?”
Ángel:“I… Think I need to research further.”

As this rather uninteresting conversation kept on going, Ana went to the Shift Happens camp… not to talk. But to take a bottle of beer from their trailer… Little did Ana know, whoever ought to steal beer from Shift Happens was gonna have a bad day, as both Jayde and Manikihali put curses in them.

And in the case of the Firulais, it was a really bad note to end the day. Apparently, the bottle Ana grabbed was from Mani, as when she drank it, she started to feel really hot… Like if she’d just drank fire.

Ángel:“Oi, Ana. Where did you get that from…?”
Ana:“…”
Tómas:“Are you OK ? You’re very r—”

Suddenly, the whole camp of the Team is awakened by a Bright Ball of Fire coming out of Ana’s Mouth for several seconds… Like if she’d just become a dragon. Ángel and Tómas, who where right in front, bailed to the ground to not get cremated in an instant.

Sadly, the same didn’t happen for the Aurora, which was just behind those two. The Swamp Cooler melted and so did the Tubing. The Roof Caught on Fire. The Rear Left Quarter Panel Glass got burnt really badly, and the whole driver’s side of the car now looked like a burnt toast.

Now, with little water to extinguish the fire, the Firulais, who where a bit separated from the rest of the other teams that day, had to try every single trick they could to extinguish the flames before the damage to their car got any worse… And also to try and keep the show away from the locals.

This later incurred in a rather heated discussion… But no words, attempts of punches and kicks, insults and fights that resulted inside the team that night would fix the just brutal damage their car had taken… Ángel couldn’t even sleep that day, now that his “place” was too hot to be safe.

As for the others… Josué and Andrés where stunned, and Andrés now called Ana “Charmander” in reference to the famous starter Fire Type Pokémon. Tomás wondered how this could’ve happened, and would ask Shift Happens the next day. Ana apologized for almost the entirety of the night, and the ash-y flavor on her mouth wouldn’t fade until the next morning… And Ángel… He just seemed like he’d been traumatized; while his older sister treated him so badly he already had a bit of a trauma because of that, today was another day which was the absolute worst… And, in his attempts to sleep, he’d start to feel indications of another “Mind Reader’s Hell” incoming for the next stage…

… Only daylight would reveal just how vicious had been the damage.

Stage 12 will come soon !
And, as always, Collabs are open !

(Yes, this was a whole week late…)

2 Likes

Stage 11 - Temper(ature) issues

Teams included: Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab, Shift Happens by @Madrias and Firulais by @Angelustyle

“AAAAAAARRGHHHH WHAT A FUCKING CRAP IS THIS!!!”

Thomas angry yell made the locals in Prentare stare at the large gold car. He seems stuck with his forehead on the steering wheel… Jan and Chanty could hear Thomas swearing even down there in the subway station, and ran outside - Chanty was freezing instantly, despite wearing a pullover for the cold night down there.

“What… did you do there?”

“So, I was waking up at night and came back to the car, and the airbag deployed, I have no idea why, and I stuffed it back into the steering wheel and closed it with glue, but… then I fell asleep again, with my head on the wheel… AND YOU CAN SEE THE RESULT, SO DO SOMETHING!”

“What then, Thomas?”

“JAN, JUST GET ME OFF HERE!”

“But…how?”

“You remember how I got the duct tape off Chantys mouth?”

“Thomas, we don´t have a hairdryer here, and its fucking cold, how to warm that glue up then?”

“YOU HAVE STUDIED, JAN, I EXPECT YOU TO BE SMART!”

Actually, Chanty used her braincell to do something smart - no, not crying, that wasn´t neccecary, but screaming for help doing that attracted Shift Happens, and getting Thomas loose was… an easy task for them, and they didn´t even want something in return because the sight of a swearing Thomas stuck with his head on the steering wheel was … enough of a reward for them.

But, the team couldn´t start… Chanty took off her hoodie and sat down on a bench, crying again.

“DAMN, Chanty, what is it?”

“I miss mama again soooooo much…”

“So, you want to catch a serious cold now?”

“Rudolph needs to be protected from the cold…”

“Really, I don´t want to discuss on this basis anymore with you, Chantal. The day already started bad enough.”

„Well, it´s not that I didn´t tell you a few times that the airbag light was on“

„Jan, the damn ignition was off, how is it able to go off then? It´s impossible. I guess another sabotage from these hillbillys. If I wasnt that exhausted from black magic, I would make Köttbullar out of them!“

„WON´T YOU TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT FOOD! I AM HUNGRYYYYYYYY! And I have a hangover…and I am cold… and HUNGRY!“

„Yeah, you are cold because you took off your pullover.“

„RUDOLPH WAS COLD! He needs it more than me to not get a cold.“

„Chantal, trust your father, elks don´t feel cold easily and there is no need to warm your plushie up.“

„RUDOLPH IS SPECIAL! You don´t know anything about him.“

„Now that´s enough. I am not fit, but you, madam, are neither making the impression that you should be driving now. Time for the spare driver then, Jan, you drive.“

Jan did as ordered, Chanty complained about hunger, headache and homesickness, and Thomas took another nap in the backseat, still feeling the side effects of black magic.

„Finally you drive like a man“,

said Chanty, leaning to the left against Jans shoulder, but accidentally touched a few buttons… of which an old expenisve Primus has…. quite a lot, and accidentally jammed the seat heaters at maximum, as the old plastic plates weren´t the strongest anymore… which they would notice soon.

„WHY IS THIS SO WARM? What did you touch, Chanty?“

„WHY ME? WHY NOT YOU?“

„because…. Whenever there is something clumsy to do, you´re in for it…“

„JUST SAY YOU HATE ME AND THAT I AM DUMB! At this point, you can as well openly admit it…“

„Chanty, pleeeeease, not again drama… where are the switches?“

„Must be below my elbo… oh.“

„So, what did you say about that it could as well have been me?“

„I AM ALREADY SILENT! Damn… they are jammed… how did I hit them with so much force without noticing?“

„Because you are used hitting everything everywhere by accident already… ARGH. It´s a cold morning, yes, but the weather is warmer now, I really dont need such a hot ass anymore.“

„Sitting on something warm means I have to…“

„Eat again?“

„NO! I have to pee now!“

“I can´t stop now in the middle of the ro… ah, nevermind, there isnt another car anywhere near us anyway.”

Arriving at the village of Asda, Thomas entertained the others with his cursing when taking apart the complex interior to fix both the glued radio and the stuck seat heatings, while Chanty and Jan complained about pain in a… well, difficult area of their bodies.

„Argh. I can´t sit properly on that hard camping chairs. It´s almost as bad as after that fucking cactus.“

„Chanty, don´t complain to me, YOU have caused the mess.“

„How should I know that these buttons are there, plus, that these seats become so hot like in my exes Volvo 850… in that one, the seat even started to burn“

„CANT YOU STOP MENTIONING YOUR EX? Its bad enough that you still buy weed from him and that he likes your tiktok posts.“

„Well, know how to silence me, I guess?“

„Yeah, I`ll get the duct tape for my own sanity“

„I MEANT BY KISSING, YOU IDIOT!“

Late in the evening, they heard loud screams and saw a …bright shade… in the distance.

„Uh, what was that, a coyote?“

„No, Thomas, that sounded not animalic.“

„DAMN, THAT´S ANGEL!“

„A japanese coyote then, ah.“

„DAD! YOU ARE UNBEARABLE“

The trio rushed to the direction where the light and scream came from, and as it was in some distance away, they took the car and found the Aurora of the Firulais burning – and the team panicking next to it, trying to put out the flames with only sparse amounts of water.

“These flames they painted on the car become more and more realistic.”

“DAD! DON´T JOKE! FOR ONCE, DON´T BE SALTY!”

Thomas stopped the Primus with a keen drift and exited even before the car was still skidding, with a scared Jan grabbing the steering and Chanty laughing about that James Bond move that should look like… an action hero, but actually looked like a bag of potatoes fell off a truck.

„WHAT IS THIS?“

„A.aaa…Ana spits f…fff…fire … aaa…“

„AND THE CAR IS BURNING NOW? Come on, take less drugs, I guess your friend tried to cook again and thats the reason for this inferno.“

„N…no, she literally spits fire…“

Chanty now joined the scene and immedately checked for Ana, who was quite feared by what just happened.

„How… do you spit fire?“

„I DON´T KNOW! It even… wasn´t painful… but this is too much for me…“

Ana refused to cry, as she wants to be tough under all circumstances, but also grabbed Chanty and gently pushed her against her shoulder to lean on and it, closing her eyes for a bit, trying to process what just happened while gratefully taking Chantals empathy. Meanwhile, Jan tried to manage the situation, as Thomas found out that the unchecked fire extinguisher … better should have been checked for function.

„The beer, Thomas, TAKE THE BEER. WE HAVE SOME LEFT!“
„Not we have some left, I HAVE SOME LEFT. DAMN, ANA, YOU DRAGONESS, NEXT STAGE YOU WILL REPLACE IT!! I was really looking foward to drinking it in peace today, but now your car has priority.“

,said Thomas, opening the bottles on the door frame of the Primus and pouring the light Holsian beer onto the Aurora.

„Jan, it´s not enough! DRAIN THE COOLANT into the empty bottles, we can figure out a replacement later, but this is urgent now.“

„Isn´t the coolant alcoholic and flammable?“

„No, Josué, that mixture is thinned that much with water that… No, it´s not.“

„Naaaaah, we call it coolant WATER and not coolant beer, why should it be alcohol? Who would waste beer or wodka for cooling a car?“

„CHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNTY, PLEASE…. focus on being there for Ana, and better…. dont try yourself at science…“

Soon, the fire had been put out, but the Aurora was ready for the junkyard, although that might have been the case even before the start of the rallye, but now definitely. Chantal now had the adrenaline slowly fading, and her urge to cry took over more and more… to fight this, she grabbed one booze bottle out of the trunk of the Primus and decided to drink that what was left in it… hoping that this would make her sleep in peace soon.

3 Likes

Shitbox Rally - Stage 13

Stage 13: Dalhus to Eson

Weather: Low 20’s, some clouds, and dry.


As we leave Dalhus, it’s clear that the roads are getting better for everyone involved. The largest vehicles still have to take a detour, but it’s a small one. The roads are slightly hilly, and much like Stage 2, there’s a lovely blend of agriculture, alternating between farms and forest with the occasional village near the towns.

Another breakdown for the train, though a relatively short one. Turns out one of the brake pipes disconnected and put the whole train into emergency braking.
(@Elizipeazie)

Transporttjäns Eriksson Aktiebolag Eslöv has the dubious honor of being the first team to burst a tire today. At least this time, it seems to have been partially self-inflicted - rolling burnouts with a half-dry-rotted tire = tire goes boom. They’re joined by the Argonites with a flat right front tire, Timeloss with a slow leak that got fixed with a tire patch kit, and Faolan Industries with a gashed rear sidewall.
(@WoodenPlankGames, @redfoxlol, @Fayeding_Spray, @portalkat42)

The Rhino Squad has a one-hour pit stop caused by a panic attack, thanks to a harmless snake inside the car.
(@HappyHungryHippo)

The Spy Kids have more electrical gremlins, this time leading to the radio blaring at full volume, the car alarm going off, and the transmission getting stuck in limp mode. Two hours later, they find a rat-chewed wiring harness and do their best to patch it back together.
(@SheikhMansour)

Straight Outta Seratos had an engine temperature that went straight outta the stratosphere. Turns out, the radiator had a pinhole leak, and now there’s no coolant in it. One radiator swap, three-and-a-half hours, and some coolant later, they’re rolling again.
(@Shibusu)

Honey I Bought a S#!tbox loses an hour chasing a misfire. Time to glue the spark plug wires onto the spark plugs!
(@Rambow)

The Troublesome Trio and Theo lose two hours trying to figure out why there was smoke in the cabin. Turns out, the blower fan motor seized up and started burning. After dismantling half the dashboard, the culprit was removed, tossed in the trunk, and the dashboard partially reassembled.
(@06DPA)

Ramjet rounded out this stage’s failures with an engine stall that turned into a no-crank-no-start. One replacement battery and alternator later, and an hour of time lost, the mighty beast is driving again.
(@JCurtiss96, @Leone)

As we arrive at Eson, it’s clear that it’s either a large village or a small town, holding 7,000 people inside. The village is somewhat split between the farmers and the loggers, with a mix of various types of homes, still a bit dense, but without the verticality of the mountain or hill stages. We have to go around the village to reach our camp - Some people have parked their tractors on the main road through the village, making it a pain for anyone not driving a small car.

Our campground is… Interesting. It’s a freshly mowed meadow, owned by one of the farmers, and we do mean freshly mowed - The grass clippings are still quite visible everywhere. It’s nearby enough to the tracks, with a siding leading up surprisingly close to it where our support train is parked. It’s safe to say that the only “service” that exists is a log placed across two stumps above a hole in the ground, serving as a “toilet” for those brave enough.


Spreadsheet is here: SR2024 Stage Results - Google Drive

3 Likes

Team Chitco
Part 4

Smells like something has burned...and something DID burn

Upon rising from the bed, Bong was sent to investigate the source of smell of something burned.

Someone has just lit their car on fire, but seems they have it under control. was his response upon return.
Who this someone is? Pi asked
Not us, thats for sure. Lets just prepare for this stage, we dont have much time to lose.
We are also very much not likely to get anywhere near first teams to arrive at wherever this stage ends Pi counters
I still believe we can outrun the beasts
That…is really not a good way to talk about Shift Happens…especially seeing you have particular beef with Natalia.
Not like any of them will hear me. Besides, i just said “beasts”, didnt imply they are completely animalistic. They are also not idiots like Krta and his merry band of idiots.
Still…

This would indeed end up being stage where “beasts” would be defeated by this quartet, but not through merits of said quartet…which could only be hinted at by Gromadon IV - rivalling sound of immense displeasure at some point; namely the howl emited by creature of similar size to said Gromadon.

What is happening?
Maybe some Dyre pack sneaked into here…
In that case, we might need to get back to help
We are lacking sufficient manpower to be of help

Pi looked puzzled as she looked at lone male in group

We overtook Shift Happens anyway: maybe they can calm them down before damage is done…one way or the other
Probably right
Damn i see some big fire in rear view
It got heated then

Rest of team looked at pun-deliverer: Bong in this case

Its good pun but be sure to not bring it up with SH
Got it*

Camp was relatively nice: Bong especially appreciated flushing toilets

Next part is not related to Rally, but it does cover some characters that had already presented themselves on board and participated in prior challenge

Meanwhile in another place (which isnt Holsia)
  • King, we had analysed the content of the pool
  • Ok. Care to give me results?
  • Of course; perfume is perfectly reusable. She bathed so often in so vast quantities that we found only minimal deviations from our manufacturing standards.
  • So you can pump it out and bottle it without issue?
  • Yes
  • Glad to hear that: not fan of perfume pool myself, but glad that it aint gonna be a waste…uhhh, i guess call when you lot are done? Or if you need something.
  • Will have that in mind.

King Edward proceeded to go out of pool room to indeed not bother workers with his royal presence. His wife Leopolda is dead for some time which is realistically few months, but what used to be her belongings still leave some memories and issues Edward now has to deal with: her tendency to accept only her favourite perfume in places more stable people would use some sort of water left one of pools consistently filled with stuff

  • Our Majesty, you have a visit.
  • Oh really? Who would that end up being?
  • Older female, says she personally knows you. Apparently is named Sora.
  • Such an unusual visit…tell her i shall be ready in few minutes.
  • Interesting that you actually know her
  • Recall when i decided to make trip to some place called “Sweden” for some time in October? She was also there. Besides, when did i decided to dismiss common folk of my own kingdom?
  • Eh, she was too obsessed with title and power: not your wisest decision
  • Not your call to make, but i guess you are right.

They dispersed and indeed Sora enters and sees monarch on his throne, ready for visit.

  • What do i have to thank for this visit?
  • 3D gate that seemed to lead here from where i was. Since i did appreciate your company some months ago, decided to go straight to the top.
  • How you knew it would work?
  • You dont seem to be bothered by class or title status, so it seemed i wouldnt have much trouble.
  • Maybe i was faking it?

Question didnt indicate seriousness and he called servant

  • I want to know whether or not some unusual…thing still seems to be present in a place, which i cant really check as im busy atm. She will give directions on where this is.

His attention was somewhat shifted to guest as well and he tried making sure both people understand that his following sentences are directed at both

  • I want to know if her method of arrival here, known as “3D gate”, is still in same place where it spit her out or had dispersed in meantime. This might influence whether or not she would need to be provided room to stay in for unknown period of time. On other note, that is fancy chair for sure, but its made to be sat in and not awkwardly standing beside it. Both of us could use some drink as well: ask her about it and other guy shall deliver while im ordering the usual
  • Will be done

Few minutes after, protagonists of this part get their drinks and Sora is using chair. Some more time after, news about Sora`s “transportation” arrive.

  • She is our problem for some time.
  • I think we could sort that out, we arent lacking space
  • Sure. Will be at hand if needed.

…not in the room tho, leaving duo to themselves

  • What were your impressions of that event we participated on?
  • Not really my favourite, but cant complain too much.
  • It was really fun getting to drive there, although rather rough
  • You didn`t seem banged up at all
  • Racing seat was good at preventing me go around the cabin. Besides, i do rock quite some physique for my age…admitedly not natural. Muscles in my case are mostly heavily modified fat tissue and organs are…natural.
  • Somewhat jealous
  • Don`t be. Atleast you are not getting looks of “Are you kidding me?” when mentioning your age…
  • Wouldnt mind that kinda attention. I wonder…while im here, i might as well check out your medical team
  • Any particular reason?
  • We would share common ground in our education
  • My company isnt sufficient?
  • Being a king is likely not too open towards hanging out with someone who has nothing to do.
  • Not like im drowning in job myself: i have competent people on important positions and it`s not like we need much of change
  • Still not good idea to know just one person…even if person is absolute authority where you happen to be. Besides, i may wish to come here more frequently and you might not be as free as now
  • Wouldnt mind more visits myself

They found some more stuff to discuss before Edward called for servant to show Sora her accomodations and provide assistance if needed. He was rather fond of her company and with that, went to sleep.

Dalhus to Eson

Genuinely uneventful stage, even with detour
Bong complains about lack of actual toilet and was soon joined by equally dissatisfied Jakasxandra
He also uses one of portable fridges to keep his “find” of sort fresh to dismay of everyone else; was suggested to get some box that will be filled with ice instead. He reluctantly agreed, after it was guaranteed ice will not run out.

3 Likes

Stage 12: The gremlins were released

including: Team Chitco by @MrdjaNikolen, Highway Hooligans and Shift Happens by @Madrias, Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab and Firlualis by @Angelustyle

„No, you can´t!“

„But…… but…… I need to…“

Pi and Andrea were a bit nervous, as they had to tell Chanty what her own team her already told: There are no showers.

„What if I am …. stinking… I am fat, I sweat a lot, and… aaaaaahhhh!! The people here already hate me enough, no need to make it worse.“

„Chanty, you are not smelling bad, and you are beautiful…“

„I said I am fat, not that I am ugly, but… yes, I´m ugly, too…“

„I think we have a bit bottled water, we bought so much of that, that we might have a bit of it left… it´s not really showering, but better than not….“

Before Pi could finish the sentence, Chanty grabbed a bottle, some shampoo and soap and started doing an improvised shower behind some bushes.

„Andrea, I think she has been bullied a lot…if she has such an anxiety of others opinions.“

„Yes, I can see that… let´s hope she feels a bit better now.“

„Even if not, I can´t change anything about it, I can just offer her to be there for her when she needs me, but she has a lot of people her caring for her.“

Actually, Thomas and Jan also took a water bottle shower, but when her friends tell her the same that her own team has already told her, it´s of course more acceptable…

As Chanty had another hangover and Jan already drove last stage, Thomas prepared himself for driving, when suddenly Jake from the Highway Hooligans showed up.

„Hey, Thomas… can I ask you something?“

„What a stupid question, I mean you want to know if you can ask me something by asking me? Pah! But of course, you can, what can I do for or against you?“

„We… had some ketchup there for a barbecue we wanted to make at the end of the rallye, and…. It´s gone. Have you seen it?“

Thomas and Jan looked at each other, rolling with the eyes.

„Eeeeeh… We two don´t… but… we will ask Chanty when she´s back…“

„That would be nice, because we have now just mustard and barbecue sauce left, and ketchup would be fine to, have, too.“

„MMMMJAM, YUMMY, DID I HEAR BARBECUE SAUCE?“

„Oh, hello Chanty, there you are! I just asked your teammates if they saw my ketchup.“

„Mmmh. Keffup? Wiff Keffup?“

„Like….that bottle that you are drinking right now….“

„Mh. Yeff. Very deliffiouf.“

„So…. is this ours?“

„Naaaaah. That´s just a coincidence, I swear.“

Jake first looked very angry at Chanty, who non-verbally responded with her large blue bambi eyes blinking, plus making her most innocent face possible, and then Jake just gave her a slight tap on the shoulder.

„Well, the reason why I am desperately looking fort he bottles is that mine can´t be eaten at all, so it´s good that it´s just a coincidence that you got the same like me. Well, Cody wanked in our ketchup when he was drunk, so…. I need to warn the thief…“

„HYYYYYYUUARRRRRRGHHHH!“

„Oh, Chanty, why are you vomiting, just our bottles were affected, not yours….“

„mmh…. Yes…. It was just the……thought about Cody doing that, I promise….HYUUUUARRRRGHH!!“

Jake walked off smiling, taking no further action as he got a fair revenge on Chanty, who was now crying, but Jake promised Thomas silently that the ketchup was fine and that was just a joke, and Thomas himself responded that it´s ok making Chanty cry in order to give her a lesson about food theft.

The stage started normal… until they managed to do half of the distance, when the check engine light went on, as well as the coolant temperature and gearbox failure symbol.

„Eh, what´s this now. I`ll check the onboard computer for diagnosis.“

The POIC system didn´t react, except for showing „UNKNOWN MALFUNCTION“ on the TFT screen.

„Eh? That´s weird. The engine is still running smooth… everything was fine until now. Maybe a restart of the ignition will help. I will do it as soon as the road is wide enough to let another car pass in case I don´t get it back on immediately.“

„Daddy, I am scared… I don´t want to be trapped here…“

Jan took Chantys hand, who then leaned against her boyfriend and looked at him in fear. Thomas pulled over the next minute, turning off the engine and ignition, then pulling out the key and going on a smoke with a nervous Chanty. After five minutes, the engine went back to life.

„See, it´s all fine…“

When Thomas tried to turn on the A/C, the sunroof opened…and closed….and opened again. Check engine light went on again.

„That´s also usable as A/C but not the one I requested. How is that possible? EH? WHY ARE THE WINDOW CONTROLS UPSIDE DOWN? WHEN I WANTED TO ROLL THE DRIVER WINDOW DOWN, THE REAR LEFT GOES UP!“

„Yes, Thomas, I can see that… so, roll the left rear up to move yours down.“

„Jan, that´s …. Impossible. I KNOW THESE CARS! The wiring can´t make this happen. At least pedals and steering are like they should.“

Suddenly, when driving at a higher speed, the passenger seat moved foward squeezing Thomas against the steering wheel, and bending his knees in a painful angle against the dashboard.

„AAAAAAAARRRRRRGHH! WHAT IS THIS?“

„DAD! DON´T CRASH!“

„DOES THIS LOOK LIKE I COULD STEER PROPERLY? NOW EVEN THE STEERING COLUMN MOVES UP AND DOWN… AND FOWARD!“

„Thomas! STOP!“

„How? My leg is squeezed so bad that I can´t move it! Jan, can you move the lever into neutral?“

„ATTENTION THOMAS! LEFT CORNER!“

„NNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!“

The car barely made the corner, and Jan in the passenger seat, after a reaction time of 2,5 workdays, moved the gear selector from D to N, and the car rolled to standstill, while the lights went on and off, also the seat heating almost burned Jan´s butt again, while the alarm joined the party while playing some of Chantys music at full volume

After turning off the car and disconnecting the battery, Chanty and Jan needed almost 20 minutes to free Thomas out of his prison.

„Dad, you said you are an expert for that type of car… what can it be now?“

„Jan, that´s …. Impossible. I KNOW THESE CARS! The wiring can´t make this happen.
„Dad, you said you are an expert for that type of car… what can it be now?“

„I have seen that only once on a neglected Imperator 600, but that would be impossible here, because I checked that weakness before starting the rallye…. And there is no way that would happen in weeks…“

„What is it?“

„Pop the hood!“

Thomas jaw dropped, when his worst nightmare came true: The weakness of all 91-97 Primus fullsize cars: A blocked water drain… and water everywhere in the shaft.

„Incredible! HOW IS THAT BLOCKED WITH ALL THAT SHIT? THAT´S SABOTAGE!“

„Thomas, why is that drain so important?“

„Jan, look: There are all ECUs of the whole car mounted on that shaft, thats where all the cables lead to. The idea was that it´s easier to find for maintenance, but that drain is too small, and you can guess which disasters can happen there. But… THATS WHY ANY OWNER OF THESE CARS KEEPS IT CLEAN! THIS HAS BEEN DONE ON PURPOSE!“

„That´s definitely Marie.“

„Not sure, Jan, I think that´s a sabotage that is too smart for her. How would she even know the weakness of a Primus.“

„OH NOOOOO!“

„What is it, Chanty? DON´T TELL ME YOU ARE HUNGRY NOW, WE GOT OTHER PROBLEMS!“

„I…. left the repair handbook on the dashboard, and as the locks still don´t work… yes… that´s how she must have learned it…I am sorry… please… just hit me and make it quick…“

„CHANTY, I HAVE NEVER HIT YOU! So I won´t start with that now. It´s Maries fault for doing that, not yours for leaving the book there. But… SHIT! This is a disaster. It is almost… nah, not almost, it IS not fixable.“

„What….do you mean with that?“

Chantys voice was now squeaking as that of a guinea pig, indicating that she will now start crying a lot. Thomas on the other hand had a voice less firm than usual.

„As I said it, that was it. That´s impossible. All ECUs are full of water…. engine, gearbox, emission control, onboard computer, A/C, …everything.“

A few minutes passed, until Jan dared to speak up, Thomas hid his face with his hands and sat with hanging shoulders on a rock, possibly hiding that he can cry, too, while Chanty sobbed and cuddled with Rudolph and was not able to have a conversation with anybody.


„I think having the best mechanic of all teams is an advantage we need to make use of.“

„Jan, that´s nice of you, but… we are doomed.“

„What if we try to dry them?“

„With what? Rice? Hah. That was a short circuit I guess, and I only have the engine computer in spare, but… if everything is fused that´s not helpful.“

„Can you at least try?“

„Yes…yes… I can… why not, I can´t break anything more than it is now. Chanty, I could need your help, it requires a lot of patience, and you have that more than me for annoying precision work.“

Chantal continued to cry, but did her best to do what she was asked for. She carefully opened the cases, dried the mainboards and put them together one by one, while Thomas checked the cables and fuses. Jan was busy with supplying snacks and beer and holding something here and there.

„You´re doing that really good, baby…“

„Nah, I am just hired by my father because he wants to let me think that I am useful and earn money by myself. Look! It doesn´t work, I must have made everything wrong.“

„That´s a lie. I know Thomas, he would just continue paying your bills if you were just standing in the way in his garage. So you are actually helpful for him if he lets you work for him. Ehm… how about that loose plug?“

„Oh…I… have forgotten that one… let me dry it.“

After five long and painful hours, the car came back to life, and Thomas could adjust the seat and steering to normal positions, also, all electronics more or less worked… small hickups here and there, but in general, the car was no longer a deathtrap.

„JAN! DRIVING! I am too drunk now, and Chanty … is asleep.“

„It was very exhausting for her.“

„FOR ME TOO! Why has everyone empathy for my daughter but never for me? Should I start crying then for that?“

„Thomas, please calm down. You did an excellent job as well. Take a seat, I will drive for the remaining distance.“

Upon arrival, Thomas, who slept for an hour, immediately left the car and ran towards the Hillbilly Rollers. Jan and Chanty, who woke up now, too, ran after him.

„Can´t you tell your father to not freak out?“

„DAD, PUNCH THAT GOLLUM AND PAY IT ALL BACK!“

„That was NOT helpful, really.“

„I don´t care.“

To get to the Swedes, Thomas had to pass the Highway Hooligans, and they saw that Thomas is not looking for a happy conversation, and they stopped him by offering beer.

„Heyho, looks like your day is as shitty as ours.“

„What?“

„Yeah, we crashed the car… that stage was eventful. We need to vent a bit, so do you?“

„Well, I am busy, so, a chat must wait for later, sorry.“

„We have beer…“

„Oh… hm, I might be interessed to get to know what happened to you…“

Meanwhile, Jan tried to solve the issue the GenZ way. Which meant, no violence but the official way…

„I want to make a formal complaint!“

„Umm… does it have to be today?“

„Yes, Kaylie, sabotage almost ended the whole event for us.“

„Oh, usually I would take action immediately, buuuut… today is really a very busy day, we are all very exhausted. Who sabotaged you?“

„Marie from the Hillbilly Rollers, we think.“

„You THINK? Well, you need proof, although I must admit that person would come to my thoughts as first suspect as well, if I was you. But without proof, you can just … look better after your vehicle or finally repair the door locks. I know this is not what you want to hear, but that´s all I can say for now. Although I might go to Marie later, and telling her that her behaiviour is not appropriate. There have been enough other incidents, including theft and physical slugfests. Everything alone for itself isn´t bad, but … everything added up is a bit annoying, I can see that. But remember, your team is also not the one that is known for peaceful camping, so I wouldnt make an official complaint if I was you, and better just ask me for an inofficial chatter. But yes, I think, we`ll start with Marie to calm this a bit down.“

„Oh, that´s what I am up to. Actually I don´t want them to be kicked out or threatened with that, as that would be a total over-reaction, but … I wouldn´t mind Marie taking a bit more care for Chantys feelings, as she suffers the most from all that. You think this will impress her?“

„No, that´s a too optimistic thought, but it will impress her teammates and make them get her under control instead.“

„yeah, sounds correct. Thanks for listening, Kaylie.“

„One last thing…. Please look after Chanty, she is too lovely to be in such a deep black hole, will you?“

„I am trying my best.“

The next thing Jan was doing was warning Andreas, who already seems quite fed up with Marie again.

„The Hooligans are holding up Thomas, but he is really pissed at Marie for her newest sabotage. Actually, I am afraid this ends with black magic again… is it possible to … bring Marie out of sight?“

„Why is that always my task?“

„You can also ask Janne, I don´t care, but we all are really having enough of her actions now.“

„Neither you nor your girlfriend are innocent there, or should I remind you of the butter, for example?“

„Yeah but who started that shit and then escalated it with dead animals? Chanty almost killed us with her panic attack.“

„I can see that Marie derails a bit, yes… I will send her looking for booze, so if Thomas comes here after his chatter with these Hooligans, Marie won´t be there. Janne and me don´t want trouble, we want some adventure without too much drama.“

Meanwhile, Chanty needed some emotional support, as she was disappointed that Jan did everything but cuddling with her – and decided to get that at the Firulais camp.

„ORRRR! Angel, he should never, NEVER be jealous again at Rudolph. Really, he is doing everything but looking at me, also, he complained at Shift Happens, how weird is that? He should discuss that directly, like my father.“

„I don´t think one could call that discussing, Chanty.“

„Angel, that´s the point…“

„But, didn´t you teach me that violence is bad?“

Anas point was valid, and Chantys braincell freezed. She shrugged, grabbed a bottle of Anas booze and wanted to drink it, but then noticed that she had enough alcohol in the recent time and put it back.

„I DON´T KNOW WHAT I WANT! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!“

„How about football then? Maybe we can invite Jan, too?“

„Haha, yes, Josué, but Angel is in your team with that own-goal-scoring.“

3 Likes

so, now I have caught up with the pace, finally

Stage 13 - Snake with ketchup, please.

including Firulais by @Angelustyle and Highway Hooligans by @Madrias

“No, Chantal! Enough is enough!”

“But… yesterdays football match was soooo hard… and I had such a tough day overall…”

“Chanty, that´s my last snacks. Why don´t you plunder the breakfast of your own team?”

“I…already did, Ana…I WILL STARVE IF I CANT HAVE YOUR CHIPS!”

“Honestly, looking at you, I can tell you are definitely NOT starving.”

“Yeah, I am just a fat and useless piece of…”

“NO!”

“I sucked so much yesterday at football, I am so much slower than everyone else!”

“STOP! Jan told me that you fixed the car yesterday and that if it wasn´t for you, your team would have been out. So stop this bullshit!”

“Is that true? Chanty did it?”

“Yep, Angel, it was Chanty who repaired that nasty sabotage.”

“Yaaaasss… I mean, I have helped my father a bit…”

Chanty now smiled slightly, also her face turned into a soft red.

“Damn, I have rarely seen you that happy… all right, you deserved that chips bag, I changed my mind.”

“We want to share it, Ana?”

“Sure.”

At the starting line, Chantys good mood has already disappeared.

“Hm, we have lost anyway, after yesterday… we don´t have any chance anymore even for the top 10. Gollum ruined it.”

“And why are you hitting yourself if Gollum ruined it and it is by no way your fault? Stop that! Damn, Chantal, having you as a daughter is the best but also the most stressful thing happening to me.”

“BECAUSE I HATE EXISTING!”

“But we love you existing. Thomas, can I give her our surprise?”

“Later, we need to start now. You can give it to her at the smoking break as you have nothing better to do then. Chantal, you promise me to stop hitting yourself with the door frame?”

“Yes… sorry… It´s just that we were sooooo close to a great finish, and it´s all lost…”

“Baby, its not about winning, it´s about having fun. And you… have none at the moment, and that´s a bigger problem than our lost postitions in the standings. What if you drive today?”

“Hmmm… alright, so I can´t get lost in thoughts then. Gentlemen, use your seatbelts…”

“…and start praying. Yeah, don´t try to kill us again, please, I am old enough to go for good, but Jan and you aren´t, remember that!”

Chanty was unusually calm, and focussed on driving instead of singing, talking or doing anything else.

“Are you tired?”

“Yes… I am homesick… and tired… and hungry…and I just noticed my blue hair is fading again. And I have no blue hair dye left. LOOK AT ME! AAAAAAAARRGGGHH!!! WHY CAN´T BLUE JUST BE MY NATURAL COLOR?”

“Well, time for your surprise then, stop right there and I`ll get us two cigarettes, Jan, please get her… THE BOTTLE!”

“What bottle?”

“Finest Holsian ketchup from the support train… for our little hero!”


But when Jan passed the two others the ketchup bottle, something else also found its way out of the bag: A SNAKE!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”

“Chanty, keep calm, maybe Dieter wants to visit us again.”

“THIS IS NOT DIETER. I REMEMBER HOW HE LOOKED… I will always remember him… I miss Dieter…”

“Jan… could you PLEASE give her the ketchup to calm her down? Yeah, I know its not Dieter, but the same type of snake, these aren´t poisonous nor they will bite.”

“Actually, I read a lot about snakes, but this… type is different, Thomas.”

“What do you mean? So thats a bite-snake, or what?”

“I CAN´T TELL!”

“JAN! Look it up!”

Thomas tried his best to talk with the snake and convince it to exit the car, but the snake felt very comfortable in the luxury interior and didn´t think of going back into nature.

After almost an hour, Jan finally compared the snake successfully to the ones in the book - and found out that snake is no threat to humans. By knowing that, Thomas just grabbed the snake and put her in the grass, with a protesting Chanty that wanted another pet and … wasn´t allowed it, so she made a very sad face when driving for the rest of the stage.

Also, when she found out that the arrival that there are no proper toilets AGAIN, Chanty just fainted. Jan volunteered to build up the campsite and look a bit after Chantal, so Thomas decided to stray a bit around at other teams, now that he had been released of “Smurfcare”, however, Chanty is now less of a smurf thanks to the lack of hair dye, as some of that went to Ana. Their first stop was the Highway Hooligans.

“Thomas, what I don´t get… if she thinks she is a loser by default, why is she then so disappointed that you are scoring bad at this event?”

“Maybe she wants to prove everyone, including herself, that she isn´t…”

“Anyway, I think I have something to cheer your daughter a bit up.”

“Better no alcohol, she said herself she exagerrated it a bit here. That also counts for me…”

“No, no, I wanted to dye Codys hair blue as a prank at some point… but, I forgot about it, but now that I saw Chantal looking like an exploded parrot with shades of blue, green blonde and …something that I can´t define, it came back to my mind. So… you think it would make her happy?”

“OH! Definitely. Thanks, And what do you want in return?”

“Good mood at our beach barbecue party at the end of this event! You three could help me organizing that, as … well… you know my team by now. They could need a little German efficiency. But don´t let your daughter alone with the food unsupervised, haha!”

“I think we can do that, yep. Maybe we find something there which will become a distillery with Jannes assistance again.”

1 Like

OK, when I got some time to catch up, I got sick, and also, I felt that more people were waiting for progress in FFF than for this so I had some prio on that, but trying to catch up now… It will, however, be without the usual formatting, to speed things up a bit…


Stage 10 - Talrem to Plentare

With Marie once again asleep with her head against the dashboard, Janne and Andreas jumped into the IP which…well. Woke Marie up. With a jump. So, she hit the switch to the dixie horn.

“BLLAAAAADADADADADIDADADADADADAAAAAAA”

“AUGH!”, Marie screamed. “What the fuck are you doing? I have a headache! Turn off this crap!”

“It’s not like if it was you that turned it on or something…”, Andreas said.

“Of course it wasn’t! I have a headache!”, Marie answered.

“You are a headache yourself”, Andreas grumbled while trying to start the IP.

“Nyyyaaa….nyyyyaa….nyyyya….nyyyyaaa……nyyyyyyyyaaaaaa”

“Goddamned”, Andreas said. “Seems like the battery doesn’t really like the cold after all.”

“I can get a new one”, Marie said.

“No, you can’t”, Andreas answered. “You will probably do it in the most stupid way possible”

“Whatever, stop blabbering, I have a headache!”, Marie said, once again falling asleep, slamming her face against the dashboard and getting stuck on some piece of duct tape.

“…nyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaa……WROOOOOOOOOOOOM!”

Well, the stage actually went rather fine, despite dry rotted tyres on a car with all the weight on the front end, after all, wintertime driving was only Andreas natural element. That was, until some snow came….

“SCREEEEEEEEECHHHH SCREEEEEEEEEECH!”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING”, Marie said, waking up. “TURN OFF THOSE SCREECHY GODDAMNED WIPERS, PAY SOME RESPECT FOR SOMEONE HAVING A HEADACHE!"

“Well, I prefer seeing where I am driving, to be honest”, Andreas answered.

“Seems like they didn’t”, Janne said, pointing at Team MCPs stuck vehicle.

“Fucking city dwellers thinking they can drive on anything else than dry paved roads, they should go to hell”, Marie said, once again falling asleep.

“SCREEEEEEEEECHHH SCREEEEEEECHHH!”

“RAAH!”, Marie said. “IF YOU TURN ON THAT LOUD FUCKING WIPER ONE MORE TIME, I WILL MAKE YOU SWALLOW IT!”, Marie shouted to Andreas, giving him a slap on the face.

“And how did you get that bad headache?”, Janne asked.

“I am allergic to smurfs”, Marie answered.

Later on, after a lot of fighting with Marie after setting up the tent in camp, they promised to see if there were some painkillers to find in town. Well, mostly to don’t have to listen to her nagging anymore.

“They basically have 30s era technology everything”, Janne said. “I bet they have better medicines too, since everything that’s good is banned nowadays”.

Getting to the IP, however, they noticed that something was very wrong.

bild

“WHERE THE FUCK IS THE FRONT SEAT?”, Andreas asked.

“Probably that goddamned Smurf stole it”, Marie said.

“You can’t blame everything on Chanty!”, Andreas answered.

“Maybe not, but this time I have a feeling that she is right”, Janne said.

Stuffing old spare tires and junk as a replacement for the seat, our team went to town and managed to get some pain killers for Marie. While getting back to the car, however, something unpleasant happened. Some maniac on a bicycle almost took Janne down, before ending with a huge crash.

“A fucking cyclist”, Marie said, “I hope she died.”

“It seems to be Chanty”, Janne said.

“Oh. I really hope she died”, Marie said.

(read up on the rest in Happyhungryhippo’s post)

After getting back to camp, Marie noticed that Thomas had put the E-bike battery back in the Primus. She also noticed that the Primus was unsupervised for a while, so she had a really great idea about how to get a battery. Well. Apparently the defective anti theft system on the Primus started working all of a sudden when Marie tried to remove the battery using….violence. The horn did not honk, but the lights started flashing, and the doors locked and unlocked like crazy.

“FUCK! SOMEONE WILL NOTICE THIS!”, Marie said, frenetically pulling the door handle until the door was in an unlocked position so she could get in. Somehow, some wiggling on the ignition key managed to get the anti theft system to probably stop working for good.

“I wonder if it starts”, Marie thought for herself, and started it up. The engine woke to life, but as soon as she turned the key back, something else happened.

“KABLAM!”

“I better get out of here”, Marie thought, sitting with the airbag in her lap after coughing for a while.

Meanwhile, Jan and Andreas had a conversation about the itching powder Jan put in Maries clothes.

“Are you fucking stupid or something?”, Andreas asked Jan.

“Eh… But to be fair, isn’t she annoying you too?”, Jan tried.

“I asked you a fucking question, don’t answer me with another question. ARE-YOU-FUCKING-STUPID, answer me, yes or yes?”, Andreas asked Jan, that now seemed to become very nervous.

“Eh…ulp…yes…I guess. But, do you really think we should get into such an argument for…”

“ARGUMENT? Who do you think is going to have an argument when she freaks out because everything is itching? Who do you think is going to handle all of that tomorrow? Huh!”, Andreas answered, getting more and more annoyed.

“Listen, if we look at it this way, she is a free individual on her own and…”

“DID I WANT A FUCKING EPISODE OF DR PHIL, OR DID I WANT AN ANSWER?”, an even more annoyed Andreas said, when Marie, full of white powder arrived.

“OK, miss Screwitallup, what the fuck have you been doing now?”,

“Nothing. I need to change my clothes”, she said and threw her talcum hoodie off.

“Eh, I am actually a bit uncomfortable with you undressing in front of m…”, Jan started to say.

“DON’T TELL ME YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN A PAIR OF FAT FUCKING BOOBS BEFORE, I HAVE SEEN YOUR FAT ASS GIRLFRIEND, YOU HAVE PROBABLY SEEN MORE THAN ENOUGH, UNLESS YOU HAVE TO GO FOR THE SOCK WHILE SHE MAKES MONEY ON ONLYFANS! Fucking stupid kids, what the fuck is the matter with them…”, Marie grumbled, while changing to the itching powder clothes.

“Eh…you don’t feel anything…weird…”, Jan asked, very nervously.

“I SEE SOMETHING WEIRD, AND THAT IS ENOUGH!”, Marie yelled at Jan and went away.

“Wait…what…how…”, Jan asked Andreas.

“You’re lucky she seems to have kind of a thick skin…”, Andreas sighed.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Mentioned: @SurrealCereal @Happyhungryhippo

4 Likes

Team Firulais

Stage 12: “Mind Reader’s Hell: The Incomplete Trilogy”

In Collaboration with @Happyhungryhippo [The Rhino Squad], @Madrias [Shift Happens, The Highway Hooligans {just a mention}]

Mentioning:
@SurrealCereal [Machinas Con Passione]
@Elizipeazie [GECA Interstellar]
@Knugcab [Team Hillbilly Rollers]

Morning at Asda…
Daylight Revealings

The Firulais, who couldn’t sleep comfortably last night, wake up the next morning. Greeted by the looks of their driver’s side now semi-destroyed… Ángel made a deep analysis on the car a bit earlier in the morning.

Ángel:“OK… So… Guys…”
Josué:“Does it have any damage ?”
Ángel:“Yes it does… And it is severe… But only cosmetic.”
Josué:“How can it be severe if it is only cosmetic ?”
Ángel:“Well… For your information, the roof is now bendable, the tires seem to be slightly worse, the windscreen wipers still on going, interior lighting is dead, there’s a hole in the roof, rear quarter panel of glass is almost completely black, my swamp cooler is gone, driver side door linkages are now visible from the outside, the only mirror we had is no longer there, seats have minimal damage, paint is now Black-ish on the driver’s side…”

It turns out, their car had taken a beating. Who knows how hot was the fire Ana threw that day, but, it must have been extraordinarily hot. Ángel could’ve continued, but he was then stopped by Josué, who just had one question…

Josué:“Does it still drive ?”
Ángel:“Yes… Mechanically it didn’t suffer. Sadly, this means I’ll have to sleep on the floor for these last few days.”
Andrés:“Man, I’m glad I wasn’t inside that car at that moment.”
Ángel:“I… Have to agree…”
Ana:“Ángel, I’m so, so, so sorry…”
Ángel:“How the hell did you not get injured in that ?”
Ana:“Being fully honest with you… I have absolutely no idea of how I even did that. Even today, I have zero idea. I know your family has powers, some of them very powerful. But, you’ve never told us if you had any family member with Fire Element powers…”
Ángel:“Most surely, we, as a family, have never.”

Then Tomás raises his hand, and Ángel allows him to speak.

Tomás:“I’ll go and ask Shift Happens.”
Ana:“Uhh… Why them precisely ?”
Tomás:“Didn’t you talk to them before that happened ? Anyway, Ángel, come with me !”
Ángel:“Uhm…”
Tomás:“What ?”
Ángel:“I’m feeling like another Mind Reading Crisis will happen today… I get the feeling. So I don’t wanna come within much distance. I feel like I need to control the situation, because I personally don’t want to cause more trouble for the other teams… Let alone cause more problems with the local police and the locals.”
Tomás:“OK.”

Tomás nodded, and headed alone to the Shift Happens part of the camp.

Tomás:“Hello.”
Lauren:“Good morning… Anything to tell us ?”
Tomás:“Yeah, one thing… we had a small incident last night…”
Lauren:“What sort of Incident ?”
Tomás:“Well… Ana drank a bottle of beer last night, after talking with you, and for some reason, she spitted fire afterwards…”

Lauren seemed confused after this statement.

Lauren:“I don’t recall her talking to us anywhere…”
Kayden:“Neither do I.”
Kasiya:“Well, in that case, that explains why we felt just a little bit hotter last night…”
Tomás:“Hmmm… This is all so confusing. I saw her coming with a bottle of beer… It certainly wasn’t ours.”
Malavera:“She must have stolen it, then. But from who ?”
Jayde:“I don’t think it was mine.”
Manikihali:“Then she must have stolen it from me, that little bastard… Well, at least, she now learned to not steal from us again.”
Lauren:“Yeah… Anyway. Any sort of things that happened to you or others ? Did anyone get hurt ?”
Tomás:“No, luckily no one, not even Ana got hurt. Maybe Ángel and I have some very minor burns and bruises, but nothing else… But… Our car caught on fire. Took a while to extinguish it. It still works though.”
Lauren:“Ok… And anything else to add ?”
Tomás:“Ángel thinks his next Mind Reading Crisis will be on this stage. Although he will attempt to control it on himself.”

With that and little more to say, Tómas headed back to camp… But would only tell Ana why did she spit fire… Or at least, what he got of an idea. He just knew telling everyone in the team that Ana stole beer and because of that their whole night was ruined would guarantee to start a very ugly fight.

Not much happened for the Team while they sat at camp. Only that then the Rhino Squad and a few others then noticed the incident they didn’t heard of, but probably felt; If the other teams felt the night felt an itch hotter than usual, or if they were briefly awakened by something bright in the distance, they weren’t having any illusions…

But, not all was bad at the Firulais camp. Because, 20 minutes before setting off, with a hearty breakfast of… nothing, Ángel arranged a little meeting for the team.

Ángel:“So… Is everyone here ?”
Everyone (in slight desynchrony):“Yes.”
Ángel:“Good. So, remember when I decided to take charge on the driving for the rest of the rally ? I’ve made the decision, to… Let everyone drive a bit of the stage. Essentially, one of us drives one bit, then we stop for a minute or so, and the driver is swapped, and so on, until all of us have driven at least once in the stage. Is that good ?”

With a slightly desynchronized “Yes!”, in various languages, the agreement was set. So for the last stages, everyone in the team got a chance to drive.

Road to Dalhus - Ángel’s Turn to Drive (2nd person to drive)
“Things went from bad to worse… But not for us”

It didn’t even take the Firulais much more than 20 miles before Ángel took a corner just a little bit too Rally-ish and blew another pair of tires… again.

Ana:“Baka.”
Ángel:“Sorry, guys. My bad. Will fix it now.”

Up to this point, it was almost always Ana the one who changed the tires. Now it would be Ángel the one to do so. Even so, it wasn’t a lengthy process at all.

But then, they hurd some news over in the radio.

Really bad news.

Apparently, one bicycle rider of GECA had crashed down the mountainside after being attacked. Machinas Con Passione’s Car had fallen apart. And Shift Happens and the Highway Hooligans had a crash amongst themselves.

They then heard a growling noise. Ángel apparently was the only one to get scared by it, as the rest of the team laughed.

He wasn’t laughing though. That noise really concerned him.

But just after Ángel finished repairs, they continued onwards, aware of the situation on the radio. They soon passed Machinas Con Passione’s car.

Ángel:“Gee, look at that.”
Ana (who was driving by this point):“Yeah, I know. Quite bad that.”
Josué:“I’ve taxed worse.”
Ángel:giggles“You’ve taxed worse ! B…but, yeah… I’m actually quite glad we aren’t them…”

“I know this event was for crappy cars… But… Just how crappy did they want to get ?”, thought Tomás, who was looking at them how he could, given their passenger’s side rear quarter panel was non existent, and had tape instead. But the hole of the tubing of the improvised swamp cooler was still sitting in there.

Throughout the stage, they also noticed just how Ángel was… Starting to get more tense. More nervous. Just before entering Dalhus, he asked the driver (at that moment, Andrés was driving, last driver of the day) to pull over, so he could go away and try to wait for the effects to dissipate.

Given they’d driven relatively fast, they lost quite some time due to that inconvenience. Not to mention the tire blowout, and the swap of drivers every 15 miles or so. At one point, Ángel let himself have a Mind Reading Incident, this team reading Andrés’ mind as they were in an Area where it didn’t make much sense to go away. Besides, they couldn’t stop in that particular zone. And, while it certainly wasn’t pleasant, his team was getting accostumed. So was he. Even if for him getting accostumed was significantly harder, because every time the pain just seemed to intensify…

…they didn’t focus on the time either. They’d all forgotten all competitions and now the “leaderboard” was nothing but a small reference on how they did. Right now, their only objective was finishing.

Afternoon at Dalhus.
“No mames, no me la creo” - Ana Montoya

Even with the inconveniences of Mind Reading, and the events of last night, the Firulais were still one of those teams who was there for fun.

That seemed like it when they agreed on a small mini-match of soccer against Chantal and Jan of the Rhino Squad in a small grass field, which they improvisedly turned into a temporary micro-soccer pitch of sorts. However, Ángel, knowing now how time was vastly different in Aetherii than in Earth, he decided to put things easy, and change some rules.

No more than half an Aetheriian Hour of Play Time (for those not accostumed, that’s roughly 53 minutes on Earth).
4 break times (10 Aetheriian Minutes, 4 times to rest for 3 Aetheriian Minutes).
And no more than 4 players per team.

And with that, the little game began. Chantal and Jan in one side, Ángel and Josué on the other.

Now, the match didn’t have much to say, other than the fact that Ángel scored a very early own goal, that Chantal actually scored one of 3 goals for her team, and that Ángel actually got the chance to redeem himself later after looking at how he had the chance to score the goal of victory (at that moment, they were tied 3-3).

However, while he wanted his play to be efficient…

…it actually ended up looking a lot more like this.

Ana, who was commentating to give some more touch to the game, actually said the following…

Ana:“Ahi va. Última jugada. Ahí va, que hizo Jan-? Ahí va Ángel, solo Ángel, solo Ángel, solo, solo, solo, solooooo, TIROOOO… Qué !? Pero… No mames, no me la creo ! Ni para eso es capaz ! Se comió el gol de la victoria !”

Translated: “There it goes. Last play of the game ! There he goes, what has Jan…? There goes Ángel, Ángel alone, Ángel alone, alone, alone, alone, aloooooone, shooooot… What !? But… Don’t suck, I can’t believe it ! Not even for that he is capable ! He ate¹ the winning goal !”

¹In Spanish, “Eating a goal” is essentially, failing a very easy goal. Very common term used in Colombia.

So, the match ended 3-3, although it could’ve well finished 4-3 if Ángel hadn’t made such a ridiculous blooper.

Not much more happened for them that evening though… Only that they’d Hurd that the Hillbilly Rollers had sabotaged the Rhino Squad… And, they, same as other teams, were also having enough. They felt things were going a bit too far. Specially Ángel, who could still vividly remember how he tackled Marie that one day, at Björnes.

Midnight at Dalhus
The Incomplete Trilogy of “Mind Reader’s Hell” comes to an end

Given how where the effects on the other stages of Mind Reader’s Hell, Ángel for the day at Dalhus had a good day… Having 4 in a single day may be a lot. But only 1 ? And later the effects dissipating ? That’s normal to him.

So, for once, he actually got to sleep good…

…well. Not so much. As he now had to sleep on the floor (more specifically, decided to do it underneath the car). He now hoped no snakes were after him.

But the trilogy of sorts wouldn’t be complete without one last act of Mind Reading Chaos. Late that night, and, we mean very late, Ángel was experiencing the usual effects of Mind Reading… Even though he wasn’t reading anyone’s mind… BUT, he was in close proximity to others, so… What was going on ?

Well… The migraine eventually generated a nightmare. One which seemed particularly difficult to escape from. What was this nightmare about ? Imagine a compilation of all of his Mind Reading Incidents… And merge all images and sounds. And make it last longer.

When Ángel finally managed to wake up from it, he didn’t remembered he was sleeping underneath the car… Before hitting himself in the head with the underside of the car itself.

Ángel (heavily muffled):“AH—Oooooooowww…”

After that, he made the decision that, as much as he didn’t enjoy to sleep in the Aurora (and, now even less now that damages to the interior were getting quite clear), it was better than to sleep on the floor.

So that’s what he did. But the night didn’t seem to get more comfortable from there onwards.

Again, Collabs are Open !

(But I still haven’t caught Up. And I felt I tried to improvise down at the end…)

(And yes, writing for Stage 13 will begin in not much. I’m sorry for not uploading any more drawings though. So I’ll make some effort and make one for the end of the Rally.)

3 Likes

Shitbox Rally - Stage 14

Stage 14: Eson to Menes

Weather: High 20’s, no clouds, minimal wind.


We return to driving on the coastal roads toward Menes in the morning, a beautiful, winding, well-built driving road, perfect for those with sporty cars or anything slow enough to drive fast on this road. There are great cliffside views at times, teasing with hints of what we might be able to soon enjoy - a good swim in the ocean. The train, on the other hand, is forced to run further inland, not getting the great view of the ocean.

Another echoing boom announces Shift Happens has blown another bus tire. Later on, Honey I Bought a S#!tbox does the same thing, along with Team Peak Performance.
(@Rambow, @HappyHungryHippo)

Team Firulais has to stop on the side of the road and replace their radiator. At least it wasn’t a tire this time! Two hours later, they’re driving again, with much better temperatures.
(@angelustyle)

The Rhino Squad loses five hours today. Two hours to fix an electrical gremlin, two more to deal with the smoked brake pads and rotors, and one to an impromptu selfie session from Chanty with the cliffside view of the ocean in the background.
(@HappyHungryHippo)

Faolan Industries has to roll up their sleeves and get a bit dirty when their car loses clutch control. Thankfully, one of their spare parts was a clutch slave cylinder, and that fixes the problem with only a couple hours of lost time.
(@portalkat42)

The Interceptors had a mysterious squeak out back. That squeak turned into a bang and a squeal when the rear shock absorbers both broke, turning the back of the car into a bouncy castle. It took a couple of hours to fix the problem.
(@AndiD)

Like before when we saw Menes, it has tight roads that are just perfectly designed for bicycles and pedestrians, and the occasional motorcycle. Fortunately for us, it won’t matter - We’re not going through it, we’re going around it and down to the beach.

Well… It’s technically a beach. Instead of sand, it’s more-or-less fine gravel, though polished smooth enough by the waves to not tear up your feet when walking on it. If you’re not completely inept at driving, you should be able to get close enough to camp to enjoy the beach and still have the car nearby without getting stuck. Some of the locals are around, using primitive surfboard-like contraptions to enjoy the waves. The tents and vehicles are parked up on the grass further back away from the beach, avoiding any of them ending up swept up by the tide. As for services… You have an entire ocean to swim in… And not much of anything else.


Spreadsheet is here: SR2024 Stage Results - Google Drive

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Stage 11 - Plentare to Asda

Once again, there were some problems with starting the IP with its weak battery in the cold. But as the team took off, they were once again among the faster ones, despite being somewhat uncomfortable sitting on old spare wheels. Marie, however, could not really forget the happenings from yesterday…

“Janne, are there lots of electrical gremlins with Primuses like the Rhinos?”

“Yeah, totally shit. If the drain under the hood is clogged it will drown the fuse box and then everything will go nuts. How come you’re asking?”, Janne answered.

“Nah, was just curious. Do you think it has happened to theirs?”

“Probably not because they would not have gotten away then. Again, why are you asking?”, Janne once again asked her.

“I don’t know”, Marie said, opened a beer can and after that it was mostly useless gibberish she blabbered on about, that nobody cared about, and Andreas cranked up the stereo on max to don’t have to hear about it.

Later, when the team had arrived, Janne brought some unknown tin cans for them to eat from.

“What the fuck is this?”, Andreas asked.

“I don’t know, the text was in russian but you can’t read it anymore, so the translator ring won’t help.”, Janne answered.

“Oh, that sounds great…”, Andreas said with lots of salt in his voice. “Why do you always buy shit like this?”

“It is the cheapest form of excitement you can get!”, Janne answered.

Marie was less enthusiastic after having opened a can. “It is just lard. I mean, pure lard in a can. Not even I am going to eat this. Don’t even bother to open yours.”

“Fuck…”, Janne said. “Well, I guess I will get something else then”.

Later on, the team was watching the drama with the burning car.

“Should we help them?”, Andreas asked.

“Nah. They are so many people there already, we will just be in the way”, Janne said.

When seeing that the Rhinos were busy with trying to put out the fire, Marie added 1+1. She thought about the lard cans, and about what Janne had said considering the Primus drainage problem. She went away to the Primus with all the lard cans she could find, and suddenly, the Primus drainage was filled to the top with top quality Soviet lard……

TO BE CONTINUED…


Mentioned: @Angelustyle @Happyhungryhippo

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Stage 14: Bittersweet End

teams included: Highway Hooligans and Shift Happens by @Madrias, Firulais by @Angelustyle , Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab
teams mentioned: GECA by @Elizipeazie, Fuist by @Djadania

It was still in the middle of the night, when Chantal woke up, although she had slept all the time after fainting, she was far from being relaxed: She had a bad nightmare, going through what happened to Valentin, as it was told to her by Thomas who had heard it first hand from the Highway Hooligans, and she felt bad for Valentin, although she didn´t like him too much, she thought he was intimidating, and cold, thanks to and his, well, not impolite, but very reserved character. Still, Chanty felt sympathy with him, not deserving what the Kerman brothers did to him. In the end, he was distanced, but never mean to her. That already qualifies enough that Chanty really felt with him.

She started writing a „Get well soon“ letter, of course in German as she is not capable of any other language, except for singing along English songtexts by heart but having no idea what she is actually singing there. Well, also the German in the letter wasn´t the most correct in terms of grammar and ortography, but she thought Valentin is smart enough to figure out what she wants to tell him.

With the letter ready, she noticed that she would need to send it via…. Post, something Chanty has never done. Who would know that better than Shift Happens?

„Chaaaaaaanty, please, not EVERY NIGHT. Valraadis also need a bit of sleep. What is it this time?“

„I… have no idea how to address a letter properly, and I think as a local you might know…“

„Are you serious? Who of the locals do you even want to write to?“

„Valentin… isn´t he in hospital?“

„Yes, but ON EARTH.“

„Hm, that should be easier to address then without knowledge in Holsian…“

„CHAAAAAAANTY! THIS IS ANOTHER PLANET. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT HOLSIAN MAIL DELIVERS….ooooh… I am sorry.“

Kiva became a bit loud, because he was woken up in the middle of the night with – from his POV – dumb questions, but his physical presence and firm voice scared Chanty so much, that she was hiding behind a bush and started crying.

„I am really sorry, Chantal, it´s on be being a bit tired. Please give me what you have written, I will make sure it is delivered to Valentin as fast as possible.“

„o…ok… please don´t hate me for being dumb…“

„Nah. You know what would be dumb? Being selfsh, ignorant or heartless, and there, you are the smartest person…. maybe Lauren can keep a bit up with you, but you are definitely very smart in your own way. By the way, you want to have a good overview over the site? I can lift you up a bit and carry you to your team, if you want.“

„Yaaaaaaaas! That´s so cool! If only we had … proper sanitary equipment.“

„Oh, but we have a tiny river near here, if I lift you a bit higher, you can see it….“

„I CAN! Is that safe to bath?“

„Safe, yes, but cold.“

„I am no barbie!“

Chanty got her headphones and a bit of shampoo and walked there, and the sun was already raising when she was done.

Yes, she was freezing, also… she overestimated the sunny weather a bit. But the event was going to end soon anyway and they headed to a very warm location, at least that´s what Kiva told her, so … she just enjoyed some relaxed time.

The water looked clear, and as Jan told her that in the wild, you can determine the quality of water by the fishes that swim in it, she borrowed Jans book just to find out that the water is excellent, and safe to swim, maybe even drink. Trying to match the fish with the black and white photos and the complex descriptions was hard, though, but Chanty isn´t unable to survive by herself, after all.

Meanwhile, Thomas prepared the breakfast, while Jan wanted to charge his phone in the Primus, but the battery went on strike.

„Didnt you buy a new battery already?“

„Yes. Its the best and most expensive available.“

„If that´s the best I dont want to see the cheapest then…Maybe someone will borrow us theirs to start the car…“

„We still need one later, so… yeah, here is some money, go get one from the train, although they sell us some historic crap for a kidney… but, at least they offer a constant and reliable basic supply, so… better that than nothing instead of complaining.“

„But where is Chanty?“

„I will cook something smelling veeeeery delicious. Don´t you think that smurfs might be attracted by that?“

Jan got a new battery, and, when he arrived totally exhausted at the campsite, Chanty appeared out of the forest.

„SLAY! FOOOOOOD!“

„There you are finally! Damn, I was worried.“

Jan ran to his girlfriend and gave her a romantic kiss, something he rarely does by himself, not because he has no feelings for Chanty, but more because he doesn´t want to behave childish, and Chanty loved it this time and made the kiss very passionate… VERY passonate, and the worst case occurred.

„NAAAAAH! Our piercings got stuck in each other!“

„Chanty, for real? OUCH! Yes, shit!“

A bit of laughter was audible in the background, and Ana walked past them.

„Honestly, I was waiting for this this to happen all the time!“

„YOU ARE NO HELP WITH THAT, ANA!“

„Did I say I wanted to help? What can I do?“

„As Chanty is much smaller than me, bending myself down in this position is PAINFUL! Please get me a spare tire for her to step on it….“

„Don´t you have one?“

„NO!“, laughed Thomas. „S O M E O N E thought we would need a subwoofer in that spot more.“

Louis from the Team Fuist generously offered his spare, and Jan could soon stand a bit better, while many different techniques to free the young couple, while Chanty tried her best to tell everyone how to solve the issue. When it was Angels turn, he finally succeeded.

„Oh, now! Thanks Chanty, that was helpful. Your hint finally worked.“

„DAAAAMN! That happened a lot to me at school with braces, so I am sadly experienced.“

„EH! WAIT! Weren´t you…. 12 to 15 when you had them? HOW ON EARTH WERE YOU KISSING BOYS ALREADY SHORTLY AFTER GETTING RID OF DIAPERS?“

„DAD! Now you´re childish! YOU DRUNK TOLD ME YOUR TEENAGE CASANOVA STORIES! YOU ARE THE LAST ONE TO COMPLAIN!“

„I really look foward to hearing them!“, said Trevor, not without some amusement.

„YOU ARE NOT ASKED!“

, barked Thomas back, then admitting that Chanty got a point there…

Her new freedom was well-used, as Chanty checked for the battery.

„WHAT? Let me take a look!“

„So, as you have proven to be an useful mechanic, I am curious what you can do for us, but Jan already got a new one.“

„HAH! I KNEW IT! IT WAS THAT GOLLUM!“

„What?“

„They stole our good battery and gave us their shitty one.“

„How do you know?“

„IT SAYS MADE IN SWEDEN!“

„So? And if it was made in Japan, would it be Angels fault then?“

„Thomas, Chanty is right! When you buy a battery in Holsia, like you did… don´t you think that… they wouldn´t sell earth-made ones here?“

„Damn, yes, you got a point… AAAAAAARRRRRGH I WILL MAKE KÖTTBULLAR OUT OF THEM!“

„Thomas, better not, if you process Marie to meat, nobody could eat it with all that fat. It would taste like old tires.“

„NOTHING AGAINST FAT PEOPLE! I take that personal.“

„Chanty, you are… fluffy, not fat.“

„Aaaaaawwww, please marry me!…“

The car took off, with Chanty again driving for the final stage, as that was the team´s try to let her have the most fun, despite being lost at the back in the standings, which still hurt Chanty a lot, and after two thirds of the distance, the car started to have a very weak feeling in the brake pedal, and the inevitable happened – Chanty slammed into the Aurora in front of her, and the very weak body structure of the Firulais car gave up, so not even the trunk could be closed anymore, while the massive Primus sustained only minor damage. Thomas was losing his temper a bit, although Chanty managed not to cry, despite clearly having the urge to do so, but trying her best to manage that situation the adult way.

„And you thought grabbing a perfectly fine front bumper out of my shelf was a good idea. THANKS, CHANTAL!“

„Didn´t you change the brakes? Why do I have such problems then?“

„I didn´t change the rotors, I just grinded them off, as the budget was limited. I didn´t think that the car would do so much downhill drives at later stages. There is only one way to fix this… letting them cool down and then drive the few last kilometers. I don´t have new rotors, just new pads, and I can mount them… would propably keep the vehicle roadworthy for the way back to Nevada, and then after it will be ripped apart for spares anyway.“

„Great… just great. YOU CAN APOLOGIZE TO THE FIRULAIS THEN!“

While the Aurora continued after not even a minute of discussion, the Rhinos needed two hours to fix the brakes, making them work not well but enough to be safe. When Chanty drove off, the car was suddenly stuck in second gear and threw the gearbox warning light directly into Chantys face. Chanty tried a few rough accellerations, making the belt force limiter of Thomas in the passenger snap and causing him to bang aganst the dashboard that was thankfully soft premium material, but the car refused to shift into the third gear and the V6 screamed into the rev limiter.

„NO!NO!NO! I AM SO TIRED OF BEING ME!“

„Chanty…please…don´t…“

„NO JAN! I CAN´T ANYMORE! I AM DONE!“

Chanty started hitting her head hard against the steering wheel, and Thomas in the passenger seat squeezed his hands between her forehead and the steering wheel.

„CHANTAL! STOP! You are going to injure yourself!“

„SO WHAT? I HOPE IT IS LETHAL! And that fucked up head can´t become any worse as well!“

„Emergency ring?“

„Nah, Jan, that´s not neccecary. I have experienced worse situations in that aspect, that´s not even the top five. Believe me, there was enough that I better don´t tell anybody and will remain my secret.“

„Dear god.“

„YOU CAN LEAVE ME! I DON´T DESERVE YOU ANYWAY!“

„Forget it, Chanty. I love you like you are, and if that´s your way to deal with extreme stress, so be it.“

Chanty then became silent, and let out a lot of tears, but stopped trying to harm herself, thankfully. Thomas had no motivation at all to deal any longer with the Primus that, after being way too reliable for what it is, falls apart bit by bit.

More and more locals watched the jacked up car, and Thomas disassembling the gearbox components with a lot of swears that were thankfully not all translated by his ring.

„The ECU of the gearbox is fine, Chanty did it great. If it is the periphery on the transmission case, I can do something, but if it is mechanical inside, that´s a DNF. That gearbox weights 95 kilogram, that´s impossible here.“

„SSSSHHHH! Do you want that Chanty hears this?“

„Oh, she´s gone anyway, I gave her blue hair dye that I got from the Hooligans for her, so… she is distracted with becoming a smurf again.“

„Great plan, let´s hope … she gets over this mess.“

„I doubt, but … she will grow on that. Didn´t we agree to make this with her, knowing that we will run laughing into a chainsaw, because she needs to deal with unknown situations and new adventures in order to accept herself more? I think she did well today until the car let us down.“

„Yeah, well, who picks an old Primus anyway, any idiot knows that these things are a repair bill with wheels.“

„Pah! Cheap, yet annoying fix. Look at that! The solenoid pack is clogged. Changing the transmission fluid might have flushed a lot of old dirt through the hoses. It won´t open the valve for the third gear. Cleaning that is an awful job… call Chanty. It´s annoying to do but an easy task, and I think she desperately needs something that makes her succeed today.“

With that said and done, the team was ready to continue, but … Chantal then sighed.

„We have lost anyway.“

„So?“

„I… learned to live without social meda, but… that means I haven´t done many selfie sessions… or really good videos. I was simply too distracted.“

„Which is good, little smurf, hm?“

„But dad, I … just love that beautiful cliff and the ocean. And, at this point with that much bad luck, one hour more or less…“

„True. JAN, MOVE IT! Let´s do it.“

Although it really needed an hour because Chanty cried on some attempts, as all that events on that day were a bit too much for her, a few really nice shots were taken, and even a lot of couple photos and videos – as she promsed to no longer hide Jan in her social media accounts, something that he always asked for. Actually, Thomas was VERY nervous seeing his very clumsy daughter standing near these dangerous cliffs and was about to have panic attacks himself, but strangely, his heart felt overall a bit better after black magic was done to him.

As the Rhinos became very dirty from repair work, they decided to swim in the ocean, making use of the perfect weather… with Chanty still switching between happiness and sadness. It will need a lot of time to process the eventful stages, but in the end, Thomas and Jan hoped that it was overall an experience helping her grow into a world that didn´t always mean it good with her, and in which she also shoots herself in the foot with her attitude.

Andreas stepped up to Jan, asking him to bring Chanty, as at the end of the whole event, the sometimes really ugly confrontations with Marie should be cleared up, and she refused Jans company, as she is „not a little girl anymore.“

But she came back half an hour later, and her red eyes showed that… maybe Janne and Andreas meant it good, but – it was a fail. Thankfully, Angel spotted Chanty running away from Marie in tears, and proposed another football match. As her only goal was … well, a gift of the other team to let her have a success, Chanty this time volunteered as goalkeeper, with Jan, Thomas and Tomás in her team, playing against Angel, Josué and Andrés, while Ana was both the referee and commentator.

„I am as wide as the goal, so what should go wrong there?“

„So, if we have the opportunity to meet each other again in Sweden, you will surely like Kanna, she is very much like you.“

„I…don´t know if I can, Angel… it depends a bit on my mental state. If I am as low as now, I am afraid, I can´t stand that… on the other hand, it´s much shorter and maybe easier, I still don´t know.“

Sadly, Chanty did not… stop a single ball, as she was still confused by that stressful day. And after a precise shot from Angel came in with an absurd angle, Chanty tried to kick it away finally doing a good save, but she chipped it in her own goal.

„AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH! WHY! AM! I! SO! SHIT!??“

Chanty let herself sink into the grass, then yelling her famous „OOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR!“ and then standing up again. With immense force, propably letting all her stress out at once, Chanty kicked full force against the frame of the goal, but slipped and…hit it with her leg.

The crunching noise already told everyone that this will not be fixed with a few magic herbals and alcohol, and Thomas sat down, covering his face with his hands, mumbling a panicking „No, no, no…“ before carrying Chanty, who surprisingly didn´t cry as much as one would think, to Shift Happens, helped by the Firulais as Chantys weight is… well, requiring a few hands to safely transport her. Kiva was not amused to realize he won´t get any more sleep that night, but seeing Chanty, and this time REALLY being in need of help, he switched to „nice mode“.

„OH NO! I HATE BEING DEPRIVED OF SLEEP! I can hardly sleep in Atherii and now that I finally did… who is it this ti…. AH! NOT YOU AGAI…. eeh, hello Chantal, what´s up?“

Jan told Kiva the whole story, who then called for Lauren, as he was afraid of being not sensitive enough to deal with Chantal.

„How are you feeling.“

„Empty. Lost.“

„Sadly… unlike for your father, we can´t do black magic even if we wanted. Healing Thomas and then Valentin in a relatively short time period… I am afraid there is no way that Mani can do it now. But your leg isn´t that bad broken, it´s even still more or less in place. That´s again fine in six weeks.“

„M-hm.“

„You… sorry if I ask that, but I expected you to take this less easy.“

„It hurts like shit and now that back home the good weather starts, that´s bad yes… but … I feel so empty. Totally empty. But at least me needing an automatic car will… let our car live for a few weeks longer.“

„And I thought you can´t wait for that unreliable junk to be scrapped!“, laughed Kiva.

„NO! I mean, Marie abused it all the time. How would you feel if that Gollum would get your hands on you all the time to hurt you?“

Lauren gently stroked Chantys hair and agreed, then asked if she could do anything for her before treating her broken leg.

„A pink cast, definitely. Doesnt make the misery any better, but still… I think that looks the least shit on me.“

„I thought you are no barbie“

, smiled Kiva, but was then corrected.

„Maybe I am, but part time only…“

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Shitbox Rally - Stage 14.2

14.2: Menes to… Menes?

Weather: Low 30s, no clouds, no wind, and dry.


Go on, enjoy the beach - We’re staying here an extra day.

Of course, some teams seem to have used their vehicles on the beach and managed to have some issues. Rhino Squad gets stuck in the sand for two hours. Cunning Stunts manages to have a minor accident in the sand-like gravel. Snork’s Tuners also get stuck in the sand for an hour. The Spy Kids’ car stalls and won’t immediately restart until the driver simultaneously steps on the brake, holds the passing beams, tries to roll down the window, turns the radio on, and holds the A/C button down. Straight Outta Seratos gets stuck in the sand as well. Honey I Bought a S#!tbox also manages to stall their car, then gets the horn stuck. And even Ramjet gets stuck for an hour while trying to tug all the other stuck lunatics out of the sand.
(@HappyHungryHippo, @That-S-Cop, @charlemagnejv3, @SheikhMansour, @Shibusu, @Rambow, @JCurtiss96, @Leone)


Spreadsheet is here: SR2024 Stage Results - Google Drive

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Stage 14.2: The risky surprise

teams included: Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab, Firulais by @Angelustyle, Highway Hooligans by @Madrias

As usual, Chantys morning started with a loud yawning and stretching, before crawling out of the tent. Jan heard it, as always, at a quite late time, unless she had been woken up by her teammates early.

“NYAAAAAWWWW… AAAAAAAAAH!! PLEASE KILL ME!”

“Chanty, what is it?”

“Nothing… I just forgot I have a broken leg and it hurts like shit…”

“Yes, but… it will be all right again soon.”

“But… I looked foward sooooo much to the time at the beach, and now I can´t do anything because I was dumb. I guess I deserve no better.”

“CHANTAL! STOP! You deserve just the best. And Kiva offered you yesterday to lift you wherever you want, as Shift Happens is sorry about having no magical energy left at the moment to heal it. It´s not that you have to stay in the tent all the time.”

“But I can´t swim with that cast and you know how much I love swimming. Life is shit. I am tired of it.”

“I can make a water-tight plastic bag around it. We also did that with your broken arm last year… and with your sprained hand after Sweden… and…”

“Please don´t count it, I have enough nightmares from all these memories. Yeah, could work, I guess? Also, I just broke my nose in Sweden from fainting, and because of what? Because you broke your damn foot. Who is the clumsy one now? Damn, my nose is really ugly because of that. I hoped Marie would punch me in the face and break it again so that it can grow straight this time.”

“May I remind you of the fact that our car was crashed to dust and that I was actually very LUCKY to have just a broken foot? Hm, let me try to pull you out and get you in a chair. Thomas disappeared again, he made breakfast and was suddenly gone, I guess he wants some time alone, also, he wanted to pack the stuff as much as possible, so that we don´t have stress today or tomorrow morning, when we head back to Nevada.”

They were right, Thomas was collecting their stuff, at least the things not urgently needed, and also worked a bit here and there on the car, to make sure it stops breaking down all the time, which is an ambitioned task on an old Primus luxury car, but the faulty belt tensioner that announced a soon passing was fixed, and the rear right window that did not roll up anymore was also fixed.

“Where is Kiva?”

“I don´t know. I mean, Shift Happens is organizing this, they might be busy.”

“But… I want to swim right now.”

“With a T-Shirt? Shouldn´t I help you a bit preparing yourself for it first?”

“I don´t want that everybody sees my fat. Can´t you look for Kiva then? I ! WANT! TO! GO! SWIMMING!”

“Sure, Miss dictatress.”

“I am sorry. Why am I like this? I… didn´t want to be so shitty to you…”

“Chanty, please, it´s ok… the past weeks have been exhausting, I was just joking, you are no dictator, you´re the queen. I will go look for Kiva.”

Sadly, this took quite long, and after half an hour, Chanty was too tempted by the keys in the ignition, limped to the car and drove down to the beach, where the car got - unsurprisingly - stuck. After ten minutes of crying, she tried her best to get out of the car, finally succeeded, and looked at the mess. The desperate efforts to get the car free with force just digged it deeper into the sand, and other teams watched Chanty becoming increasingly desperate not without some amusement. The Hooligans, although feeling sympathy for Chantal, couldn´t hold it back, when Chanty threw a tantrum.

“NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! FUCK MY LIFE!”

“Don´t kick against the car in frustration, unless you want another broken leg.”

“Thats not funny, Cody.”

“No, no, I am serious. My inner monk would be pleased if you´re symmetrical again.”

“CAN´T YOU HELP ME INSTEAD OF MAKING FUN OF ME?!”

“Maybe. Do you know what all-wheel-drive or a 4x4 is?”

“Sure I do. I am a mechanics daughter!”

“Well, its obvious that you are not a professor´s daughter…”

Jake hit Cody with his ellbow, signaling him that it´s enough now and that they shouldn´t be too harsh when dealing with Chantal.

“Anyway, your car hasn´t, neither ours, but other teams do. The Spy Kids have a Touareg with 4Motion… Also, the car from Timeloss looks capable enough. The Crazy Eight also have a vehicle that maybe manages this.”

“But… looking for them will take so long with my broken leg. Damn, why does everything have to go wrong?”

“Not everything… I mean, you got to the beach, where you wanted to, didn´t you?”

With help of the Hooligans who organized a tow, the Legacy was back in the grass after two hours, in the meantime, Kiva and Jan of course came back and … well, were not really fond of Chantys actions but also not really angry. Chanty is Chanty, after all, and always good for any kind of surprise. Thomas might have been really pissed, but as he just had to help a bit with towing and the car was successfully recovered without further damage, he cooled down fast.

In the afternoon, the Hooligans had a barbecue goodbye party, and Thomas, usually not the most social person, had great fun, so did Jan and Chanty, until she limped to the team´s car, searched for something hidden, and came back with a tiny box.

„JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!“

„Yes?“

„Since…. We have been together for a year now yesterday, and this is the end of a really exciting holiday of us two… I … well… eh…“

Chanty was visibly shy and insecure, and Jan wasn´t getting at all what she was up to, although some spectators knew what was coming now.

„So, I… umm… wanted to ask you, … eh, I mean…. AAAH! JAN I LOVE YOU, PLEASE MARRY ME!“

Chanty opened the box with the expensive ring she bought earlier in the event, and Jan was a bit shocked, and awkward silence followed. Jan was clearly willing to say something, but struggled finding words. Although it might have included a „yes“, needing more than a second for the answer is not a good sign at all, and after ten seconds, Chanty exploded in bitter tears, saying some heartbreaking things about herself, while Thomas was frozen in shock, so that Mani checked for his heart which thankfully wasn´t having a serious attack, when Jan suddenly found the words he wanted to say.

„Chanty, of course I love you and want to spend my life with you. It´s just that this is a very, very private thing and I totally hated being asked that question in the most public situation possible.“

„You just say that in order to stop me from killing myself, and then you don´t want me anymore for this mistake, right?“

„SHUT UP!“

said Jan, firmly kissing her, so that they fell both back with the Chair that Chanty was sitting on. Applause finally rose, except from Marie and Thomas. Janne turned towards him.

„Hey, old man, what´s the matter?“

„Please wake me up, I hate this bad dream.“

„You will get used to this, at least she just want´s to marry, and isn´t announcing a pregnancy.“

„YOU ARE NOT MAKING IT BETTER, JANNE!“

Meanwhile, Chantal still cried, and Jan was worried.

„Baby, what´s up, I thought… you got what I said and that it was just a bad timing?“

„Yes I did, but YOU LANDED ON MY FUCKING BROKEN LEG! Now it feels like it is broken in at least 5
places! AAAAAH!“

Andreas stepped up to the couple and showed Chantal a small glass bottle.

„Dr. Dangoths, they´re the best against pain. You want some?“

While Chanty, with the help of damn strong painkillers that would be forbidden anywhere on earth, was able to do some assisted swimming, so that she could enjoy the beach day almost as much as all others, Jan wondered what adventure he just had agreed on, but was also looking foward to it. Chanty was the girl of his dreams. And dreams can include a few nightmares, sometimes.

At late night, when the mess from the party had been cleaned up (of course, Chanty was relieved of that because of her injury), the young couple enjoyed some romantic time, watching and listening to the ocean waves when being a little drunk. Thomas on the other hand, was getting as drunk as possible to forget the happenings of this day.

The Firulais walked by, not seeming to be in the mood to celebrate.

„Heyho, mindreader, what´s wrong?“

„My name is Angel, Jan. Please, I don´t want to seem angry, because I am not, but I… prefer not to be known for this ability only…“

„Sure, sorry, I just didn´t see you for a while and I am not good at names, only at faces.“

„Oh, I totally understand this. Well, we will seperate ways after this event, and the Team Firulais will stop existing, so, we are a bit sad, but also happy because we had such a good time.“

„WHAT? WHY?“

„Oh, Chantal, it´s not that…“

„I JUST MADE FRIENDS WITH YOU AND NOW YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME ALONE? LOOK, ANGEL, I EVEN TATTOOED ALL YOUR NAMES ON MY OTHER LEG LAST NIGHT!“

„You really did that?“

, asked Ana, dropping a tear. „You like us so much?“

„Yes… I am sorry that it is soooo small, but, I am only 20 and almost running out of space on my skin, so it had to be tiny…“

Angel asked Jan if he could comfort Chanty, and Jan had no problem at all with that. In Angels arms, Chantal cried and continued asking.

„Why are you doing this to me?“

„I was about to explain it to you, so, we will of course stay in contact, but I feel like I need to move closer to my family. As a Yumo…“

„NOT AGAIN THAT COMPLICATED WORD I CAN´T SPELL AND ALSO NEVER REMEMBER!“

„Ok…eeh… so… as part of my, ummm, species, I feel the urge to bond with my family as strong as never before, so I am moving to Japan and open a new chapter in my life. And the others, which I never thought, then said… that the Firulais without Angel would not be the same, so…“

„The Firulais will be dissolved, because they lack the essential?“

„Yes, Jan, and I never thought they liked me that much… So I hope my friends will support me with my new team, Y.E.A.R, in Sweden. All except for Tomás live in Europe, so, maybe this can work.“

„I WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! PLEEEEEAAAASE!“

„Chanty, we will try our best, we promise.“

„Swear it, Ana. I need to come then, too. Argh. I hope my mental health won´t ruin it for all of you.“

„Oh, Chanty, you will never ruin our experiences, you can only make them better and unforgettable.“

„For real?“

Everyone, so, Jan, Angel, Tomas, Josue, Ana and Andres, nodded, and all of the Firulais gave the two Rhinos a long and warm hug before continuing their beach walk, while Chanty was biting on her fingernails and asking how much drastic changes in her life will happen, but also realized that an end of something can also become a new beginning, and that an end of something doesn´t have to be radical and forever.

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