Shitbox Rally 2024 - Journey to Holsia (Entries Closed)

Shitbox Rally - Stage 11

Stage 11: Prentare to Asda

Weather: Low teens, colder early on in the stage, cloudy, minimal rain/ snow, and windy

While yesterday brought us to new heights, today shows us that everything that goes up must eventually come back down. Most of the crews will have no issue with the road out of camp, as it’s not as steep, not as wet or caked in snow thanks to remarkably effective road clearing services, and a little better maintained than yesterday’s mountain-goat trail. For those in CE class, you’ll have to make a detour again. The observant ones among you will notice that, well… A section of this trip is the same road from yesterday. However, once you get to the valley, you turn left at the intersection, going the other way.

Another deafening bang announces that Shift Happens had tire trouble. Team Firulais joins them in running over the same piece of debris and popping both passenger side tires. The Interceptors blow a tire quite a while later, but waste no time getting it swapped out. The Spy Kids also have to stop and replace a burst tire, as does team Honey I Bought a S#!tbox. Machinas Con Passione finally catches up to the group after a popped tire swap, the car sounding a lot shittier now than it did when it started. Troublesome Trio and Theo also had a flat to fix, which they did with ease.
(@angelustyle, @AndiD, @SheikhMansour, @Rambow, @SurrealCereal, @06DPA)

The brakes on Timeloss’ car start to fade really, really badly. They stop to fix the problem with some new brake pads, brake rotors, and fresh brake fluid, losing two hours.

The “Crazy” Eight have to replace a headlight after a minor fender bender with one of the local truck drivers. Luckily, the ‘30s-era truck they bumped is tough, and minimal damage was done to it.

Snork’s Tuners had their trouble free streak end in a huge cloud of steam. One of the radiator hoses has burst, and it takes 3.5 hours to find a replacement one in their spare parts, get it installed, and refill the radiator.

Ramjet has to stop on the side of the road to fix a serious engine issue, as the wagon starts backfiring loudly. 3.5 hours, new spark plugs, fixing the fuel system, and a roadside tune-up later, they’re back on the move.
(@JCurtiss96, @Leone)

Asda is a small village housing 1433 people in it. It’s clearly a forestry village, with a “banking handoff yard” nearby - Thanks to their charcoal fuel, Holsian banking locomotives can’t quite do the whole climb in one shot, so they come here to refuel while another locomotive takes over to push the big, heavy trains over the mountain. It’s a relatively simple and modest mountain village, not too big, but not too small, either, for the amount of people there.

Our camp is in that handoff yard, thanks to the train being there. Unfortunately, it’s on a lovely 3% grade, so everything’s a little bit… tilted. The same, honestly, can be said about where we’re camping, so try to make sure your sleeping bags, bedrolls, and tents don’t roll downhill… Or your cars, for that matter. For safety, the cars will be parked lower down the hill than the tents… So that accidents don’t happen. There are wooden outhouses around, but if you want a shower… You’ll have to do that in the rain.

Spreadsheet is here: SR2024 Stage Results - Google Drive


Team Chitco
Part 3

Stage 9 was somewhat uneventful to this team if we exclude driving on roads too narrow for anyones liking. There certainly was an effort by some locals to accomodate but this was clearly very overwhelming to them

Going from Talrem to Prentare on Stage 10 did brought out the fact that Kontir has 4X4 and manual locker differential. Still pace on hand was less than exceptional, and it wasnt helped by the need to refuel from additional fuel cans at freezing temperatures…which would then need to be promptly refilled along the remaining fuel tank when some gas station WAS reached. Sleep was partially achieved in car itself and partially in subway station that seemed to be refuge to some other teams as well: most notably Jakasxandra was exploring around said station in time when sleep just wouldnt set

Stage 11 also wasnt seeming too eventful itself if we exclude lovely tilt indicated in post above. Car was again one of possible points of sleep and nobody felt desire for shower.
Seems that the whole thing is going smoothly


Shitbox Rally - Stage 12

Stage 12: Asda to Dalhus

Weather: Mid teens, full clouds, and windy.

This time, as everyone leaves the camp, it’s obvious that the road is at least wide enough to support all of the vehicles, but other than that, it’s much like yesterday: mostly driving downhill, still nestled in the mountains, and still a rough time for those larger vehicles due to a few narrow spots and numerous switchbacks. As we get closer to Dalhus, however, the mountains gradually taper off into hills, a sign that we’re through the worst of the mountains.

Shift Happens pulls off to the side of the road as a team twists the SOS ring, calling for help. Kasiya, Inaelus, Manikihali, Kivenaal, and Sariya head outside, rift-walking straight to the location of the trouble.

GECA requests help after two rogue members attack Valentin, leaving him badly injured and halfway down a significant hill. The two rogue agents have teleported home with their rings, and after someone turns their SOS ring, help arrives in a hurry. Inaelus focuses on getting the rest of GECA to head to camp to grab their stuff while Mani brings Norse and Val to Earth with one of his rifts. Once Mani gets back, well, he joins the rest of Shift Happens in picking up bits of carbon fiber bicycle, and cleaning blood off of the road. The rest of GECA arrives in camp 3 hours later than expected, and Shift Happens spends 5 hours doing cleanup… And waiting for Kasiya’s temper to cool enough for him to get out of Wyld form.

The Highway Hooligans’ Ishu has issues! More specifically… Jake sneezed and drove straight into the back of the Shift Happens bus, popping the airbags in his face as well as Trevor’s face, and causing the inertia switch to kill the fuel pump. The car seems fine, and the crew is okay, just requiring some extra effort to cut the deflated airbags out of the wheel and dashboard, rip the front bumper off and throw it in the back of the vehicle, and replace the headlights. Oh, and apologize profusely to Jayde, who got jostled off of his feet and onto the floor of the bus in the crash. All told, 3.5 hours lost… And a promise of an interesting day for Jake.

“Stop popping the tires!” Team Firulais, yet again, has a flat to fix. Joining them for a tire-swap session are Transporttjäns Eriksson Aktiebolag Eslöv, the Spy Kids, the Troublesome Trio and Theo, Ramjet, and the Hillbilly Rollers.
(@angelustyle, @WoodenPlankGames, @SheikhMansour, @06DPA, @JCurtiss96, @Leone, @Knugcab)

Gremlins! The Rhino Squad is crippled for 5 hours after a mysteriously waterlogged bit of electronic equipment causes some mishaps. After the seat moves full forward under its own power, the power tilt-and-telescope steering wheel starts dancing up and down, in and out, the car alarm and horn start wailing, and the radio decides to blast Chanty’s music at full volume, they’re forced to stop and try to fix the problem.

Machinas Con Passione hears a rattling sound from… Somewhere. Suddenly, and almost without warning, the whole car literally falls apart around them, like something out of Looney Tunes, becoming a vaguely-car-shaped pile of metal, fiberglass, plastic, and rubber. Like every gamer knows, only the last hit point matters, and this car just showed what happens when it runs out of hit-points. Time to go join the train riders, because this shitbox has just driven its last mile.
(@SurrealCereal - Yes, this is the big one for you that we mentioned in DMs.)

Dalhus is a small town of 17,000 people, and it’s clearly an industrial town that popped up because of the railroad, and stayed relevant because of what they did for the railroad. They’re the western terminus of the cross-mountain line, so all traffic crossing the mountains eventually goes through here. As a result, they have a huge yard for rolling stock and banking equipment to push heavy trains up over the mountains. They also have a huge factory, which has to be huge for a reason: it is a locomotive factory. All of this leads to them having a fairly sizable station for a “small town” that would look very much comfortable in a small city. The town itself clearly makes use of their connections with the railroad, being broken up into cluster communities of a few thousand people each, scattered around the hills, each being serviced by a local branch line leading right into that industrial zone.

Our camp is halfway in between two of those communities, still vaguely close to the yard where the support train is parked. There are no services in camp directly, but a fairly lengthy walk can get you to flushing toilets in the station building.

Spreadsheet is here:


Team Shift Happens & Team Highway Hooligans & GECA - Interstellar

(Thanks to @Elizipeazie for the collaboration.)
(Content Warning - Contains violence.)

Stage 12

Another morning arose at GECA - Interstellar and with today being the fifth consecutive stage planned to be done on their bicycles, an established routine, but the extended distances and recent uphill challenges (refer stage 10) have taken their tolls.

Regardless, the group departed in an orderly fashion as usual, taking care to find their initial groove as they left the village.

Not long after, ““city”” limits were reached, followed rather swiftly by the group spreading thin as per established procedure on descents. Initially, and for quite some time, all was well as the group stayed vaguely connected, though retained a reasonable distance between two given riders for safety.

Eventually, the road got steeper, amplifying the distances between GECA members vastly, as some riders were more daring than others. Amongst the braver ones were Valentin, Bill and Bob, with Norse still close enough behind to have an immediate line of sight most of the time, in turn closely followed by an almost reckless Hugh.

A tight left hander was followed up with a loong and steep straightaway providing remarkable visibility of both the road and the areas below to their right, largely comprising of more or less dense forest, additional roads they would be riding on later as well as a single-track rail line poking in and out of the mountains with great effort, both Bill and Bob line up to the much heavier (and thus faster) Valentin, with the former alongside and the other close by behind Val.

Content Warning: Violence, Blood. Read at discretion.

From beside Valentin, Bill procures a small, but high quality pocket knife. Without any rhyme or reason, to Valentin, at least, the knife unfolds and Bill takes a swing at Valentin, lightly cutting up his left forearm.

Having been focused on the road ahead, Valentin had no way of anticipating this move as he instinctively covers the cut on the left arm with his right hand. The loss in stability causes Valentin to veer towards Bill, allowing him to make a second, substantially more well-aimed attack, managing to reach around his arm to cut up the inside of it near the elbow.

Immediately after, the knife is dropped as Valentin bumps into Bill, a fountain of blood erupting from the arm by that point.
Bill, in turn, pushes Val away from himself with all his might, sending the latter off the road to his right.
Running over a small mound of impromptu-dirt-ramp, Valentin spectacularly takes flight, disappearing into the forest by the roadside.

It was at this moment when Norse realized that - once again - shit has hit the fan, prompting him to become the first GECA member turning his SOS ring, thus alerting Shift Happens, all while still barreling down the hill at speed.
Once that was done, he, as well as Bill and Bob slammed the brakes hard, creating three narrow lines of rubber in the road surface as they came to a stop.

Norse, completely ignoring both Kerman brothers, immediately went to look for Valentin, spotting a mess of a broken-to-bits bicycle first as it - or what was left of it - was very visibly entangled in a tree.
The remainder was nearby on the forest floor.

The sight of both apparently was reason for Bill and Bob to immediately turn their rings, thus disappearing into nothing without a trace.

By this time, other GECA members arrived to Norse’s bike on the roadside, stopping to see Norse making his way down the cliff towards a nearby railway line, where another figure was visible.
Some of them also turned their rings as things were obviously not right, even if the only other true witness was Hugh Jass.

:sweden: “FUCKING HELL NOT AGAIN!!!” he screamed out of full lungs upon arrival to find a still conscious Valentin covered in his own blood.

Valentin was just groaning in pain as Norse started to tend to the most glaring issue by fashioning a rather crude tourniquet out of a shoelace, some fabric (partially his own jersey, some additional strips ripped out of Valentin’s jersey) and a sturdy stick for leverage.

On a winding road, Kivenaal was pushing the bus about as hard as he could, the self-driving AI outright filling the display it had with progressively more concerned emoji and a flood of debug spew as Kiva cut as close to curbs and walls as he could get, making room for what little local traffic there was.

This came to an abrupt stop, however, when everyone got an intense, uneasy feeling.

“Someone turned an SOS ring!” Kivenaal declares, parking the bus at the side of the road with the hazards on and shutting the engine down.

As the doors open, Kiva, Mani, Sariya, Inaelus, and Kasiya all step outside. Kayden shuts the bus doors behind them as Sariya stealth-rifts the group into the area.

The sight that greeted them was chaotic and messy, with three bicycle skid marks, a busted bicycle down in the trees, the scent of blood in the air, and Norse down the cliff next to Valentin.

“Right, everyone, you know your duties,” Inaelus says, taking charge of the situation.

(The following events take place at about the same time.)

Inaelus sends GECA onward to the campsite:

Inaelus gathers up the loose GECA members as best as she can, all too aware of the impending explosion and heavy magic use that was likely to happen soon.

“I need all of you to continue your trip into the camp. We have this situation under control and we will get everyone home safe. The side of a road is not a safe place to be, all of you know this. Mani, go down there, help out Norse and Valentin. Sariya, Kivenaal, Kasiya, cleanup duty.”

Inaelus watches as the crew slowly starts to filter out and ride onward, some occasionally looking back until they’re around a corner and no longer able to see the crash site.

With their navigators occupied elsewhere, GECA relies on the locals to help them get to camp.

Mani goes to help Norse and Valentin:

Mani drops down the hill about as quickly as he can reasonably go, showing surprising grace in this effort, a hint at his stealthy past. He makes it down to Norse and Val.

“I can get the two of you to a hospital on Earth. It’ll take a lot of effort to deliberately rift between here and there, but I think I can manage,” Mani says. He glances up at the departing group, glad to see that his magic use would be witnessed by very few.

Norse tried his absolute best to stop the bleeding and also keep Valentin awake.
While the former is largely successful, he was having a really hard time with the latter.

Valentin’s pained groaning softened into diluted and weak moaning.
:sweden: “Things will be fine. SH will get you outta here and home in no time. Please just stay awake!” Norse spoke as he frantically inspected Valentin for other injuries, chief among with being what was a very-obviously-broken left leg.
Failing to see a means to provide further direct aid, Norse carefully turned Valentin’s SOS ring as well.
Otherwise, it was just hopes and dreams as Norse repeated the phrase “Please stay awake.” in Swedish, complete with tears rolling while huddled over Valentin in hopes of help arriving soon.

Mani slides a bit as he gets closer to where Norse and Val are at, then carefully taps on Norse’s shoulder.

“Inaelus cleared the others out so I can do an open rift. I’m going to have to bring both of you back to Earth, though - Explaining me to the hospital staff would take far too long,” Mani explains.

Norse did not notice Mani making jis way down towards him until the latter was basically looking down at him and Valentin from directly above.
Likewise, he did not understand much of what Mani said, only recognizing “Earth” in the moment.

“Just do it already…” Norse spoke, not even taking his eyes off Val, “:sweden: we’ll be home soon. You’ll be safe.”

Mani concentrates on opening the rift to start with, creating a surprisingly-iridescent blue rift nearby, before using levitation magic to lift up Val and bring him, and Norse, through the rift.

Gothenburg, Sweden

  • The ambulance bay of Sahlgrenska University Hospital.

A shimmer in the air deposits Mani, Norse, and Val near the ambulance bay. Mani keeps Val positioned exactly as he was when he was laying on the ground, taking the time to check possible futures.

“Damn it, I’ve got to stick around… Norse, go get some help. I’ll have to start altering memories of people so they think they’re picking him up off of a mountain road, driving him back here, and then getting him in here. And so they don’t remember me.”

The process of getting back to earth was rather nebulous to both Val and Norse.
The instruction of “go get help” was initially met with a degree of confusion since Norse had to reorient himself, given the sudden change in environment.

Soon after, he hurries off, as Mani’s memory-altering magic does it’s work:
Two paramedics hop off of their ambulance, rush to the back and start working to aid Valentin.

Meanwhile, a heated discussion unfolded bezween the two:
“Did we flush him with any medications yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Do we even know what’s wrong with him!?”
“I don’t… Do you?”
“How the fuck did we get him here without any prepwork whatsoever!?!?”

By that time Norse returned with two more people from the emergency room, a stretcher in tow.
Initially, they did not seem keen on making the trip quickly until they realized that Norse was, in fact, not lying.
As such, they immediately took over, learning that Valentin currently is a blank slate treatment-wise and nothing has been done to him beyond the immediate first aid by Norse.

Mani focuses intently, doing his best to make sure that in all of this chaos, he wouldn’t be remembered. As the hospital staff get Valentin stabilized and up onto a stretcher, he’s able to release his levitation spell, able to focus more on altering memories. He keeps this up until Norse, Val, and the hospital crew were inside, at which point, he slowly fades the magic and then rift-walks back to Holsia.

Accident Site, Holsia

Mani returns from the rift and joins the others in trying to clean up the mess of debris and blood scattered all over the hillside.

Containment and Cleanup:

Sariya groans as GECA heads toward the campsite and Mani disappears with Norse and Valentin. Sure, Inaelus, Kivenaal, and herself were capable of cleaning this up, but she could see Kasiya’s rage building. Sure enough, an explosion of blue wrath-fire and a savage war-howl belted out by Kasiya’s towering Wyld form announces that their job just got harder.

“Inaelus! Stop him from turning the trees into torches! Kiva, with me, we’re trying to get all the bike shrapnel and get that cleaned up!”

“Got it, Sariya!” Kivenaal yells, rushing to pick up some of the shattered frame of Val’s bicycle, while Inaelus did her best to try to settle Kasiya down.

Ten minutes later, Mani returns, and Sariya quickly puts him to work as well. “There’s blood all over the road. Get that cleaned up before…” She winces at the sound of squealing tires and a crash. “Before someone else crashes.”

Mani runs up the hill to see the Hooligans looking dazed and confused, as two of them kissed airbags and the third kissed the back of the driver’s seat. “You three okay?”

“Yeah. Slid on something slick, fucking sneezed, and ended up right in the back of the trailer.”

“I’ll get that cleaned up.”

While Mani was using blood-magic to erase the blood from the road, Inaelus finally got through to Kasiya and calmed him down enough to return to normal, braving the heat and the blinding light he’d thrown off to let him know that everything would be okay. With Kasiya now calm, Kivenaal was able to put out the unintended forest fire, and the cleanup effort was soon complete.

Hooligan Havoc:

“God damn it,” Jake grumbles.

“What?” Cody asks, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning forward to change the song, then sitting back in his seat.

“I’ve had to sneeze for the last 4 fucking miles, and it just won’t… FUCK!

The Ishu hits a patch of slick road and starts to slide. Jake steers in the direction he wants to go and lets the V6 rip, tires squealing as the front-wheel-drive car-van-truck tries to straighten up and drive away. Jake’s sneeze hits hard, and is immediately followed by two more before everything goes white for Jake and Trevor, and a foul-smelling gray for Cody.

“My fucking nose!” Trevor yells.

“I really could have done without kissing an air-bag…”

“Eww… The back of the seat smells like a gym sock…”

Jayde had been watching the cleanup effort thanks to a spell he’d put on a window when a sudden, violent shunt knocked him off of his feet and sent him sprawling, banging his incredibly-sore right arm on the bus floor.

“Whoever fucking did that can have an interesting fuckin’ day,” Jayde grumbles, getting up with a pained growl. He exits the bus and glares at the Hooligans.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Jayde!” Jake yells. “The road was slick and I sneezed.”

“So you decided to hit the largest stationary object on the planet?”

“I was trying to avoid ending up down there,” Jake says, pointing down the hill toward the forest, “and ran out of luck trying to do it.”

“I am so fucking tempted to give the three of you an interesting week…”

“I said I was sorry,” Jake grumbles.

“You will be,” Jayde mutters darkly, before getting back into the bus.

Trevor grabs his pocket knife and cuts the air-bag so that he doesn’t have a big floppy curtain hanging in his lap. Jake soon does the same, then tries to restart the engine. It cranks, starts up for a second, and stalls. Then it just cranks, but makes no effort to restart.

“Where’s the fuel pump inertia switch?” Jake inquires.

Cody grimaces. “Under the car. Behind the rack of fuel cans.”

Jake sighs, getting out of the Ishu and staggering over to the passenger side, where he takes out each of the three 10 liter fuel jugs and sets them on the tiny sliver of solid road he had to work with. As he’s reaching in to reset the fuel filler, his right foot slips off of the road, causing him to face-plant the cargo box, lose his grip on the fuel-jug rack, and then slide down the hill. He comes to a stop in a bush with a wince. “Fucking OW!

“You okay, Jake?”

“Yeah, Trev, I’m fine. Just… Seriously, what the fuck!?”

Jake slowly climbs back up the hill, swearing to “any god that’s listening” that he was going to make an effort to lose a couple dozen pounds on the way. He resets the fuel pump, puts the cans back away, and then gets back in the car.

“I vote that we sit here a while,” Jake mutters. “I just kissed an air-bag, face-smashed the box, jammed my fingers into the fuel rack, and then got hugged by a thorny bush.”

“No fuckin’ problem,” Cody replies, nursing a bloody nose.

Dalhus Camp, 8 Sun

Kasiya watches as GECA gathers their supplies from the train and heads home, twisting rings and vanishing a few seconds later. The Hooligans were busy setting up a tent, all of them a little shaken up from the car crash earlier. Jayde had his tent set up by Takaraya and headed inside right away to sleep off the pain.

He’d spent a little time interviewing the GECA crew to figure out what happened. Most hadn’t seen it, but Hugh… He’d given enough insight for Kasiya to make a vow to himself. Whatever they had in mind, attacking someone like that, the Kerman brothers had just climbed to the top of his shit-list to deal with once he was back home.


Team Firulais

Stage 11: Glass Breakin’, Tires Poppin’, Fire’s Burnin’

In Collaboration with @Madrias [Shift Happens]

Morning at Prentare.
Early Morning Coldness

Surprisingly, sleeping in the abandoned subway station was more comfortable than sleeping in a tent on the street… At least for Ángel, that was.

Josué seemed to have a bad night, and so did Ana. Ana had run out of booze too, and, in fact, the entirety of the Team was starting to struggle with supplies.

Josué:“Hopefully the next town is marginally big… So we can buy stuff, that we are running out of.”
Andrés:“Yeah, we running out of food… And probably of spare tires as well.”
Ángel:“Look at our Front Left ! That looks almost entirely made of… Patchwork.”
Josué:“Where did you sleep in, by the way ?”
Ángel:“In the Subway Station.”
Josué:“Wait. There’s a Subway Here ?”
Ángel:“Well, it’s abandoned… So I thought ‘Will this be more comfortable than the car ?’, and it turned out, it kinda was… The only problem… I’m freezing.”
Ana:“Aren’t you from Russia ?”
Ángel:“I know ! I just don’t cope nicely with cold weather, I’m more of a beach boy… For, whatever reason.”

They laughed as they went to take breakfast at a local bakery, and later sat off towards Asda.

Road to Asda.
Tires Poppin’ - The Tire Nightmare Comes Back !

The early bit of the stage was going easy… Until they popped yet another tire… And then another went flat too, meaning they, same as their little break failure on their road to Lauda, ended up in a ditch. Unsame to the last time they were on a ditch though, they did 3 things - One, they took it easy, no tempers today. Two, they pushed the car out all together, and Three, Ángel took the chance to get rid of that cracked window. Meaning this was also a stop for “repairs”.

Glass Breakin’ - Making Room for the Swamp Cooler

Ángel:“So, guys, after you change the tires, I may do a modification to the body.”
Ana:“What is it ?”
Ángel:“Has anyone seen my toolbox ? I need a hammer. Or something which will effectively break glass.”
Ana:“Why ?”
Ángel:“Haven’t you Hurd…? I’m making a… How’s it called, Josué ?”
Josué:“Swamp Cooler.”
Ana:“But why would we want to cool down on this weather…?”
Ángel:“Yeah, I know, it’s not a brilliant idea now, but, it’ll be great for later, hotter stages. I know you guys don’t really tolerate heat very well.”

Little did he seem to know: in the night they’d have a -quite literal- rather heated moment.

In any case, out went the right rear quarter glass panel, now turned into bits with some Hammer Action, and the bits ending on the ditch they just exited -knowing probably no team would dare to pass there-, and was replaced by a lot of duct tape, which would later have a hole for the tube of the swamp cooler so the cool air would actually enter the cabin, and then later the remaining Duct Tape would be painted by Ángel to… Just let his creative side free.

Other than that, and some more Yumeisotitanian History given by our favorite Yumeisotitanian Humanoid, little seemed to happen between their breakdown, and their arrival to Asda. The most noticeable thing for the teams spotting the Blue and Black Aurora where the fact that 2 tires seemed to be made almost entirely of patches and make-up repairs (meaning, when they finally bang, they will go “BOOM”), and the fact that they had a Swamp Cooler… a feature which was not necessarily wanted in this cold weather, but for the Firulais, it was an achievement. And probably a “first time” on the rally.

Sadly, later in the night, it’d turn out Angel’s Invention wouldn’t last nearly as long as they would’ve wanted.

A lot later…

Late Night at Asda.
Fire Burnin’ - Hopes (and Ángel’s Swamp Cooler) reduced to Ashes

Ana:“Mind if I go to talk to the people at Shift Happens for a moment ?”
Ángel:“Not at all. Take your time, we’ll wait for you here.”
Josué:“I’m going to sleep.”
Tómas:“I’m keeping awake.”
Ángel:“Same. I can’t believe what people’s reaction would be if I told them their town is named equal to that British Megamarket Chain…”
Tómas:“Ain’t ASDA a Car Insurance Company ?”
Ángel:“I… Think I need to research further.”

As this rather uninteresting conversation kept on going, Ana went to the Shift Happens camp… not to talk. But to take a bottle of beer from their trailer… Little did Ana know, whoever ought to steal beer from Shift Happens was gonna have a bad day, as both Jayde and Manikihali put curses in them.

And in the case of the Firulais, it was a really bad note to end the day. Apparently, the bottle Ana grabbed was from Mani, as when she drank it, she started to feel really hot… Like if she’d just drank fire.

Ángel:“Oi, Ana. Where did you get that from…?”
Tómas:“Are you OK ? You’re very r—”

Suddenly, the whole camp of the Team is awakened by a Bright Ball of Fire coming out of Ana’s Mouth for several seconds… Like if she’d just become a dragon. Ángel and Tómas, who where right in front, bailed to the ground to not get cremated in an instant.

Sadly, the same didn’t happen for the Aurora, which was just behind those two. The Swamp Cooler melted and so did the Tubing. The Roof Caught on Fire. The Rear Left Quarter Panel Glass got burnt really badly, and the whole driver’s side of the car now looked like a burnt toast.

Now, with little water to extinguish the fire, the Firulais, who where a bit separated from the rest of the other teams that day, had to try every single trick they could to extinguish the flames before the damage to their car got any worse… And also to try and keep the show away from the locals.

This later incurred in a rather heated discussion… But no words, attempts of punches and kicks, insults and fights that resulted inside the team that night would fix the just brutal damage their car had taken… Ángel couldn’t even sleep that day, now that his “place” was too hot to be safe.

As for the others… Josué and Andrés where stunned, and Andrés now called Ana “Charmander” in reference to the famous starter Fire Type Pokémon. Tomás wondered how this could’ve happened, and would ask Shift Happens the next day. Ana apologized for almost the entirety of the night, and the ash-y flavor on her mouth wouldn’t fade until the next morning… And Ángel… He just seemed like he’d been traumatized; while his older sister treated him so badly he already had a bit of a trauma because of that, today was another day which was the absolute worst… And, in his attempts to sleep, he’d start to feel indications of another “Mind Reader’s Hell” incoming for the next stage…

… Only daylight would reveal just how vicious had been the damage.

Stage 12 will come soon !
And, as always, Collabs are open !

(Yes, this was a whole week late…)


Stage 11 - Temper(ature) issues

Teams included: Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab, Shift Happens by @Madrias and Firulais by @Angelustyle


Thomas angry yell made the locals in Prentare stare at the large gold car. He seems stuck with his forehead on the steering wheel… Jan and Chanty could hear Thomas swearing even down there in the subway station, and ran outside - Chanty was freezing instantly, despite wearing a pullover for the cold night down there.

“What… did you do there?”

“So, I was waking up at night and came back to the car, and the airbag deployed, I have no idea why, and I stuffed it back into the steering wheel and closed it with glue, but… then I fell asleep again, with my head on the wheel… AND YOU CAN SEE THE RESULT, SO DO SOMETHING!”

“What then, Thomas?”



“You remember how I got the duct tape off Chantys mouth?”

“Thomas, we don´t have a hairdryer here, and its fucking cold, how to warm that glue up then?”


Actually, Chanty used her braincell to do something smart - no, not crying, that wasn´t neccecary, but screaming for help doing that attracted Shift Happens, and getting Thomas loose was… an easy task for them, and they didn´t even want something in return because the sight of a swearing Thomas stuck with his head on the steering wheel was … enough of a reward for them.

But, the team couldn´t start… Chanty took off her hoodie and sat down on a bench, crying again.

“DAMN, Chanty, what is it?”

“I miss mama again soooooo much…”

“So, you want to catch a serious cold now?”

“Rudolph needs to be protected from the cold…”

“Really, I don´t want to discuss on this basis anymore with you, Chantal. The day already started bad enough.”

„Well, it´s not that I didn´t tell you a few times that the airbag light was on“

„Jan, the damn ignition was off, how is it able to go off then? It´s impossible. I guess another sabotage from these hillbillys. If I wasnt that exhausted from black magic, I would make Köttbullar out of them!“


„Yeah, you are cold because you took off your pullover.“

„RUDOLPH WAS COLD! He needs it more than me to not get a cold.“

„Chantal, trust your father, elks don´t feel cold easily and there is no need to warm your plushie up.“

„RUDOLPH IS SPECIAL! You don´t know anything about him.“

„Now that´s enough. I am not fit, but you, madam, are neither making the impression that you should be driving now. Time for the spare driver then, Jan, you drive.“

Jan did as ordered, Chanty complained about hunger, headache and homesickness, and Thomas took another nap in the backseat, still feeling the side effects of black magic.

„Finally you drive like a man“,

said Chanty, leaning to the left against Jans shoulder, but accidentally touched a few buttons… of which an old expenisve Primus has…. quite a lot, and accidentally jammed the seat heaters at maximum, as the old plastic plates weren´t the strongest anymore… which they would notice soon.

„WHY IS THIS SO WARM? What did you touch, Chanty?“


„because…. Whenever there is something clumsy to do, you´re in for it…“

„JUST SAY YOU HATE ME AND THAT I AM DUMB! At this point, you can as well openly admit it…“

„Chanty, pleeeeease, not again drama… where are the switches?“

„Must be below my elbo… oh.“

„So, what did you say about that it could as well have been me?“

„I AM ALREADY SILENT! Damn… they are jammed… how did I hit them with so much force without noticing?“

„Because you are used hitting everything everywhere by accident already… ARGH. It´s a cold morning, yes, but the weather is warmer now, I really dont need such a hot ass anymore.“

„Sitting on something warm means I have to…“

„Eat again?“

„NO! I have to pee now!“

“I can´t stop now in the middle of the ro… ah, nevermind, there isnt another car anywhere near us anyway.”

Arriving at the village of Asda, Thomas entertained the others with his cursing when taking apart the complex interior to fix both the glued radio and the stuck seat heatings, while Chanty and Jan complained about pain in a… well, difficult area of their bodies.

„Argh. I can´t sit properly on that hard camping chairs. It´s almost as bad as after that fucking cactus.“

„Chanty, don´t complain to me, YOU have caused the mess.“

„How should I know that these buttons are there, plus, that these seats become so hot like in my exes Volvo 850… in that one, the seat even started to burn“

„CANT YOU STOP MENTIONING YOUR EX? Its bad enough that you still buy weed from him and that he likes your tiktok posts.“

„Well, know how to silence me, I guess?“

„Yeah, I`ll get the duct tape for my own sanity“


Late in the evening, they heard loud screams and saw a …bright shade… in the distance.

„Uh, what was that, a coyote?“

„No, Thomas, that sounded not animalic.“


„A japanese coyote then, ah.“


The trio rushed to the direction where the light and scream came from, and as it was in some distance away, they took the car and found the Aurora of the Firulais burning – and the team panicking next to it, trying to put out the flames with only sparse amounts of water.

“These flames they painted on the car become more and more realistic.”


Thomas stopped the Primus with a keen drift and exited even before the car was still skidding, with a scared Jan grabbing the steering and Chanty laughing about that James Bond move that should look like… an action hero, but actually looked like a bag of potatoes fell off a truck.


„…Ana spits f…fff…fire … aaa…“

„AND THE CAR IS BURNING NOW? Come on, take less drugs, I guess your friend tried to cook again and thats the reason for this inferno.“

„N…no, she literally spits fire…“

Chanty now joined the scene and immedately checked for Ana, who was quite feared by what just happened.

„How… do you spit fire?“

„I DON´T KNOW! It even… wasn´t painful… but this is too much for me…“

Ana refused to cry, as she wants to be tough under all circumstances, but also grabbed Chanty and gently pushed her against her shoulder to lean on and it, closing her eyes for a bit, trying to process what just happened while gratefully taking Chantals empathy. Meanwhile, Jan tried to manage the situation, as Thomas found out that the unchecked fire extinguisher … better should have been checked for function.

„Not we have some left, I HAVE SOME LEFT. DAMN, ANA, YOU DRAGONESS, NEXT STAGE YOU WILL REPLACE IT!! I was really looking foward to drinking it in peace today, but now your car has priority.“

,said Thomas, opening the bottles on the door frame of the Primus and pouring the light Holsian beer onto the Aurora.

„Jan, it´s not enough! DRAIN THE COOLANT into the empty bottles, we can figure out a replacement later, but this is urgent now.“

„Isn´t the coolant alcoholic and flammable?“

„No, Josué, that mixture is thinned that much with water that… No, it´s not.“

„Naaaaah, we call it coolant WATER and not coolant beer, why should it be alcohol? Who would waste beer or wodka for cooling a car?“

„CHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNTY, PLEASE…. focus on being there for Ana, and better…. dont try yourself at science…“

Soon, the fire had been put out, but the Aurora was ready for the junkyard, although that might have been the case even before the start of the rallye, but now definitely. Chantal now had the adrenaline slowly fading, and her urge to cry took over more and more… to fight this, she grabbed one booze bottle out of the trunk of the Primus and decided to drink that what was left in it… hoping that this would make her sleep in peace soon.


Shitbox Rally - Stage 13

Stage 13: Dalhus to Eson

Weather: Low 20’s, some clouds, and dry.

As we leave Dalhus, it’s clear that the roads are getting better for everyone involved. The largest vehicles still have to take a detour, but it’s a small one. The roads are slightly hilly, and much like Stage 2, there’s a lovely blend of agriculture, alternating between farms and forest with the occasional village near the towns.

Another breakdown for the train, though a relatively short one. Turns out one of the brake pipes disconnected and put the whole train into emergency braking.

Transporttjäns Eriksson Aktiebolag Eslöv has the dubious honor of being the first team to burst a tire today. At least this time, it seems to have been partially self-inflicted - rolling burnouts with a half-dry-rotted tire = tire goes boom. They’re joined by the Argonites with a flat right front tire, Timeloss with a slow leak that got fixed with a tire patch kit, and Faolan Industries with a gashed rear sidewall.
(@WoodenPlankGames, @redfoxlol, @Fayeding_Spray, @portalkat42)

The Rhino Squad has a one-hour pit stop caused by a panic attack, thanks to a harmless snake inside the car.

The Spy Kids have more electrical gremlins, this time leading to the radio blaring at full volume, the car alarm going off, and the transmission getting stuck in limp mode. Two hours later, they find a rat-chewed wiring harness and do their best to patch it back together.

Straight Outta Seratos had an engine temperature that went straight outta the stratosphere. Turns out, the radiator had a pinhole leak, and now there’s no coolant in it. One radiator swap, three-and-a-half hours, and some coolant later, they’re rolling again.

Honey I Bought a S#!tbox loses an hour chasing a misfire. Time to glue the spark plug wires onto the spark plugs!

The Troublesome Trio and Theo lose two hours trying to figure out why there was smoke in the cabin. Turns out, the blower fan motor seized up and started burning. After dismantling half the dashboard, the culprit was removed, tossed in the trunk, and the dashboard partially reassembled.

Ramjet rounded out this stage’s failures with an engine stall that turned into a no-crank-no-start. One replacement battery and alternator later, and an hour of time lost, the mighty beast is driving again.
(@JCurtiss96, @Leone)

As we arrive at Eson, it’s clear that it’s either a large village or a small town, holding 7,000 people inside. The village is somewhat split between the farmers and the loggers, with a mix of various types of homes, still a bit dense, but without the verticality of the mountain or hill stages. We have to go around the village to reach our camp - Some people have parked their tractors on the main road through the village, making it a pain for anyone not driving a small car.

Our campground is… Interesting. It’s a freshly mowed meadow, owned by one of the farmers, and we do mean freshly mowed - The grass clippings are still quite visible everywhere. It’s nearby enough to the tracks, with a siding leading up surprisingly close to it where our support train is parked. It’s safe to say that the only “service” that exists is a log placed across two stumps above a hole in the ground, serving as a “toilet” for those brave enough.

Spreadsheet is here: SR2024 Stage Results - Google Drive


Team Chitco
Part 4

Smells like something has burned...and something DID burn

Upon rising from the bed, Bong was sent to investigate the source of smell of something burned.

Someone has just lit their car on fire, but seems they have it under control. was his response upon return.
Who this someone is? Pi asked
Not us, thats for sure. Lets just prepare for this stage, we dont have much time to lose.
We are also very much not likely to get anywhere near first teams to arrive at wherever this stage ends Pi counters
I still believe we can outrun the beasts
That…is really not a good way to talk about Shift Happens…especially seeing you have particular beef with Natalia.
Not like any of them will hear me. Besides, i just said “beasts”, didnt imply they are completely animalistic. They are also not idiots like Krta and his merry band of idiots.

This would indeed end up being stage where “beasts” would be defeated by this quartet, but not through merits of said quartet…which could only be hinted at by Gromadon IV - rivalling sound of immense displeasure at some point; namely the howl emited by creature of similar size to said Gromadon.

What is happening?
Maybe some Dyre pack sneaked into here…
In that case, we might need to get back to help
We are lacking sufficient manpower to be of help

Pi looked puzzled as she looked at lone male in group

We overtook Shift Happens anyway: maybe they can calm them down before damage is done…one way or the other
Probably right
Damn i see some big fire in rear view
It got heated then

Rest of team looked at pun-deliverer: Bong in this case

Its good pun but be sure to not bring it up with SH
Got it*

Camp was relatively nice: Bong especially appreciated flushing toilets

Next part is not related to Rally, but it does cover some characters that had already presented themselves on board and participated in prior challenge

Meanwhile in another place (which isnt Holsia)
  • King, we had analysed the content of the pool
  • Ok. Care to give me results?
  • Of course; perfume is perfectly reusable. She bathed so often in so vast quantities that we found only minimal deviations from our manufacturing standards.
  • So you can pump it out and bottle it without issue?
  • Yes
  • Glad to hear that: not fan of perfume pool myself, but glad that it aint gonna be a waste…uhhh, i guess call when you lot are done? Or if you need something.
  • Will have that in mind.

King Edward proceeded to go out of pool room to indeed not bother workers with his royal presence. His wife Leopolda is dead for some time which is realistically few months, but what used to be her belongings still leave some memories and issues Edward now has to deal with: her tendency to accept only her favourite perfume in places more stable people would use some sort of water left one of pools consistently filled with stuff

  • Our Majesty, you have a visit.
  • Oh really? Who would that end up being?
  • Older female, says she personally knows you. Apparently is named Sora.
  • Such an unusual visit…tell her i shall be ready in few minutes.
  • Interesting that you actually know her
  • Recall when i decided to make trip to some place called “Sweden” for some time in October? She was also there. Besides, when did i decided to dismiss common folk of my own kingdom?
  • Eh, she was too obsessed with title and power: not your wisest decision
  • Not your call to make, but i guess you are right.

They dispersed and indeed Sora enters and sees monarch on his throne, ready for visit.

  • What do i have to thank for this visit?
  • 3D gate that seemed to lead here from where i was. Since i did appreciate your company some months ago, decided to go straight to the top.
  • How you knew it would work?
  • You dont seem to be bothered by class or title status, so it seemed i wouldnt have much trouble.
  • Maybe i was faking it?

Question didnt indicate seriousness and he called servant

  • I want to know whether or not some unusual…thing still seems to be present in a place, which i cant really check as im busy atm. She will give directions on where this is.

His attention was somewhat shifted to guest as well and he tried making sure both people understand that his following sentences are directed at both

  • I want to know if her method of arrival here, known as “3D gate”, is still in same place where it spit her out or had dispersed in meantime. This might influence whether or not she would need to be provided room to stay in for unknown period of time. On other note, that is fancy chair for sure, but its made to be sat in and not awkwardly standing beside it. Both of us could use some drink as well: ask her about it and other guy shall deliver while im ordering the usual
  • Will be done

Few minutes after, protagonists of this part get their drinks and Sora is using chair. Some more time after, news about Sora`s “transportation” arrive.

  • She is our problem for some time.
  • I think we could sort that out, we arent lacking space
  • Sure. Will be at hand if needed.

…not in the room tho, leaving duo to themselves

  • What were your impressions of that event we participated on?
  • Not really my favourite, but cant complain too much.
  • It was really fun getting to drive there, although rather rough
  • You didn`t seem banged up at all
  • Racing seat was good at preventing me go around the cabin. Besides, i do rock quite some physique for my age…admitedly not natural. Muscles in my case are mostly heavily modified fat tissue and organs are…natural.
  • Somewhat jealous
  • Don`t be. Atleast you are not getting looks of “Are you kidding me?” when mentioning your age…
  • Wouldnt mind that kinda attention. I wonder…while im here, i might as well check out your medical team
  • Any particular reason?
  • We would share common ground in our education
  • My company isnt sufficient?
  • Being a king is likely not too open towards hanging out with someone who has nothing to do.
  • Not like im drowning in job myself: i have competent people on important positions and it`s not like we need much of change
  • Still not good idea to know just one person…even if person is absolute authority where you happen to be. Besides, i may wish to come here more frequently and you might not be as free as now
  • Wouldnt mind more visits myself

They found some more stuff to discuss before Edward called for servant to show Sora her accomodations and provide assistance if needed. He was rather fond of her company and with that, went to sleep.

Dalhus to Eson

Genuinely uneventful stage, even with detour
Bong complains about lack of actual toilet and was soon joined by equally dissatisfied Jakasxandra
He also uses one of portable fridges to keep his “find” of sort fresh to dismay of everyone else; was suggested to get some box that will be filled with ice instead. He reluctantly agreed, after it was guaranteed ice will not run out.


Stage 12: The gremlins were released

including: Team Chitco by @MrdjaNikolen, Highway Hooligans and Shift Happens by @Madrias, Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab and Firlualis by @Angelustyle

„No, you can´t!“

„But…… but…… I need to…“

Pi and Andrea were a bit nervous, as they had to tell Chanty what her own team her already told: There are no showers.

„What if I am …. stinking… I am fat, I sweat a lot, and… aaaaaahhhh!! The people here already hate me enough, no need to make it worse.“

„Chanty, you are not smelling bad, and you are beautiful…“

„I said I am fat, not that I am ugly, but… yes, I´m ugly, too…“

„I think we have a bit bottled water, we bought so much of that, that we might have a bit of it left… it´s not really showering, but better than not….“

Before Pi could finish the sentence, Chanty grabbed a bottle, some shampoo and soap and started doing an improvised shower behind some bushes.

„Andrea, I think she has been bullied a lot…if she has such an anxiety of others opinions.“

„Yes, I can see that… let´s hope she feels a bit better now.“

„Even if not, I can´t change anything about it, I can just offer her to be there for her when she needs me, but she has a lot of people her caring for her.“

Actually, Thomas and Jan also took a water bottle shower, but when her friends tell her the same that her own team has already told her, it´s of course more acceptable…

As Chanty had another hangover and Jan already drove last stage, Thomas prepared himself for driving, when suddenly Jake from the Highway Hooligans showed up.

„Hey, Thomas… can I ask you something?“

„What a stupid question, I mean you want to know if you can ask me something by asking me? Pah! But of course, you can, what can I do for or against you?“

„We… had some ketchup there for a barbecue we wanted to make at the end of the rallye, and…. It´s gone. Have you seen it?“

Thomas and Jan looked at each other, rolling with the eyes.

„Eeeeeh… We two don´t… but… we will ask Chanty when she´s back…“

„That would be nice, because we have now just mustard and barbecue sauce left, and ketchup would be fine to, have, too.“


„Oh, hello Chanty, there you are! I just asked your teammates if they saw my ketchup.“

„Mmmh. Keffup? Wiff Keffup?“

„Like….that bottle that you are drinking right now….“

„Mh. Yeff. Very deliffiouf.“

„So…. is this ours?“

„Naaaaah. That´s just a coincidence, I swear.“

Jake first looked very angry at Chanty, who non-verbally responded with her large blue bambi eyes blinking, plus making her most innocent face possible, and then Jake just gave her a slight tap on the shoulder.

„Well, the reason why I am desperately looking fort he bottles is that mine can´t be eaten at all, so it´s good that it´s just a coincidence that you got the same like me. Well, Cody wanked in our ketchup when he was drunk, so…. I need to warn the thief…“


„Oh, Chanty, why are you vomiting, just our bottles were affected, not yours….“

„mmh…. Yes…. It was just the……thought about Cody doing that, I promise….HYUUUUARRRRGHH!!“

Jake walked off smiling, taking no further action as he got a fair revenge on Chanty, who was now crying, but Jake promised Thomas silently that the ketchup was fine and that was just a joke, and Thomas himself responded that it´s ok making Chanty cry in order to give her a lesson about food theft.

The stage started normal… until they managed to do half of the distance, when the check engine light went on, as well as the coolant temperature and gearbox failure symbol.

„Eh, what´s this now. I`ll check the onboard computer for diagnosis.“

The POIC system didn´t react, except for showing „UNKNOWN MALFUNCTION“ on the TFT screen.

„Eh? That´s weird. The engine is still running smooth… everything was fine until now. Maybe a restart of the ignition will help. I will do it as soon as the road is wide enough to let another car pass in case I don´t get it back on immediately.“

„Daddy, I am scared… I don´t want to be trapped here…“

Jan took Chantys hand, who then leaned against her boyfriend and looked at him in fear. Thomas pulled over the next minute, turning off the engine and ignition, then pulling out the key and going on a smoke with a nervous Chanty. After five minutes, the engine went back to life.

„See, it´s all fine…“

When Thomas tried to turn on the A/C, the sunroof opened…and closed….and opened again. Check engine light went on again.

„That´s also usable as A/C but not the one I requested. How is that possible? EH? WHY ARE THE WINDOW CONTROLS UPSIDE DOWN? WHEN I WANTED TO ROLL THE DRIVER WINDOW DOWN, THE REAR LEFT GOES UP!“

„Yes, Thomas, I can see that… so, roll the left rear up to move yours down.“

„Jan, that´s …. Impossible. I KNOW THESE CARS! The wiring can´t make this happen. At least pedals and steering are like they should.“

Suddenly, when driving at a higher speed, the passenger seat moved foward squeezing Thomas against the steering wheel, and bending his knees in a painful angle against the dashboard.




„Thomas! STOP!“

„How? My leg is squeezed so bad that I can´t move it! Jan, can you move the lever into neutral?“



The car barely made the corner, and Jan in the passenger seat, after a reaction time of 2,5 workdays, moved the gear selector from D to N, and the car rolled to standstill, while the lights went on and off, also the seat heating almost burned Jan´s butt again, while the alarm joined the party while playing some of Chantys music at full volume

After turning off the car and disconnecting the battery, Chanty and Jan needed almost 20 minutes to free Thomas out of his prison.

„Dad, you said you are an expert for that type of car… what can it be now?“

„Jan, that´s …. Impossible. I KNOW THESE CARS! The wiring can´t make this happen.
„Dad, you said you are an expert for that type of car… what can it be now?“

„I have seen that only once on a neglected Imperator 600, but that would be impossible here, because I checked that weakness before starting the rallye…. And there is no way that would happen in weeks…“

„What is it?“

„Pop the hood!“

Thomas jaw dropped, when his worst nightmare came true: The weakness of all 91-97 Primus fullsize cars: A blocked water drain… and water everywhere in the shaft.


„Thomas, why is that drain so important?“

„Jan, look: There are all ECUs of the whole car mounted on that shaft, thats where all the cables lead to. The idea was that it´s easier to find for maintenance, but that drain is too small, and you can guess which disasters can happen there. But… THATS WHY ANY OWNER OF THESE CARS KEEPS IT CLEAN! THIS HAS BEEN DONE ON PURPOSE!“

„That´s definitely Marie.“

„Not sure, Jan, I think that´s a sabotage that is too smart for her. How would she even know the weakness of a Primus.“



„I…. left the repair handbook on the dashboard, and as the locks still don´t work… yes… that´s how she must have learned it…I am sorry… please… just hit me and make it quick…“

„CHANTY, I HAVE NEVER HIT YOU! So I won´t start with that now. It´s Maries fault for doing that, not yours for leaving the book there. But… SHIT! This is a disaster. It is almost… nah, not almost, it IS not fixable.“

„What….do you mean with that?“

Chantys voice was now squeaking as that of a guinea pig, indicating that she will now start crying a lot. Thomas on the other hand had a voice less firm than usual.

„As I said it, that was it. That´s impossible. All ECUs are full of water…. engine, gearbox, emission control, onboard computer, A/C, …everything.“

A few minutes passed, until Jan dared to speak up, Thomas hid his face with his hands and sat with hanging shoulders on a rock, possibly hiding that he can cry, too, while Chanty sobbed and cuddled with Rudolph and was not able to have a conversation with anybody.

„I think having the best mechanic of all teams is an advantage we need to make use of.“

„Jan, that´s nice of you, but… we are doomed.“

„What if we try to dry them?“

„With what? Rice? Hah. That was a short circuit I guess, and I only have the engine computer in spare, but… if everything is fused that´s not helpful.“

„Can you at least try?“

„Yes…yes… I can… why not, I can´t break anything more than it is now. Chanty, I could need your help, it requires a lot of patience, and you have that more than me for annoying precision work.“

Chantal continued to cry, but did her best to do what she was asked for. She carefully opened the cases, dried the mainboards and put them together one by one, while Thomas checked the cables and fuses. Jan was busy with supplying snacks and beer and holding something here and there.

„You´re doing that really good, baby…“

„Nah, I am just hired by my father because he wants to let me think that I am useful and earn money by myself. Look! It doesn´t work, I must have made everything wrong.“

„That´s a lie. I know Thomas, he would just continue paying your bills if you were just standing in the way in his garage. So you are actually helpful for him if he lets you work for him. Ehm… how about that loose plug?“

„Oh…I… have forgotten that one… let me dry it.“

After five long and painful hours, the car came back to life, and Thomas could adjust the seat and steering to normal positions, also, all electronics more or less worked… small hickups here and there, but in general, the car was no longer a deathtrap.

„JAN! DRIVING! I am too drunk now, and Chanty … is asleep.“

„It was very exhausting for her.“

„FOR ME TOO! Why has everyone empathy for my daughter but never for me? Should I start crying then for that?“

„Thomas, please calm down. You did an excellent job as well. Take a seat, I will drive for the remaining distance.“

Upon arrival, Thomas, who slept for an hour, immediately left the car and ran towards the Hillbilly Rollers. Jan and Chanty, who woke up now, too, ran after him.

„Can´t you tell your father to not freak out?“


„That was NOT helpful, really.“

„I don´t care.“

To get to the Swedes, Thomas had to pass the Highway Hooligans, and they saw that Thomas is not looking for a happy conversation, and they stopped him by offering beer.

„Heyho, looks like your day is as shitty as ours.“


„Yeah, we crashed the car… that stage was eventful. We need to vent a bit, so do you?“

„Well, I am busy, so, a chat must wait for later, sorry.“

„We have beer…“

„Oh… hm, I might be interessed to get to know what happened to you…“

Meanwhile, Jan tried to solve the issue the GenZ way. Which meant, no violence but the official way…

„I want to make a formal complaint!“

„Umm… does it have to be today?“

„Yes, Kaylie, sabotage almost ended the whole event for us.“

„Oh, usually I would take action immediately, buuuut… today is really a very busy day, we are all very exhausted. Who sabotaged you?“

„Marie from the Hillbilly Rollers, we think.“

„You THINK? Well, you need proof, although I must admit that person would come to my thoughts as first suspect as well, if I was you. But without proof, you can just … look better after your vehicle or finally repair the door locks. I know this is not what you want to hear, but that´s all I can say for now. Although I might go to Marie later, and telling her that her behaiviour is not appropriate. There have been enough other incidents, including theft and physical slugfests. Everything alone for itself isn´t bad, but … everything added up is a bit annoying, I can see that. But remember, your team is also not the one that is known for peaceful camping, so I wouldnt make an official complaint if I was you, and better just ask me for an inofficial chatter. But yes, I think, we`ll start with Marie to calm this a bit down.“

„Oh, that´s what I am up to. Actually I don´t want them to be kicked out or threatened with that, as that would be a total over-reaction, but … I wouldn´t mind Marie taking a bit more care for Chantys feelings, as she suffers the most from all that. You think this will impress her?“

„No, that´s a too optimistic thought, but it will impress her teammates and make them get her under control instead.“

„yeah, sounds correct. Thanks for listening, Kaylie.“

„One last thing…. Please look after Chanty, she is too lovely to be in such a deep black hole, will you?“

„I am trying my best.“

The next thing Jan was doing was warning Andreas, who already seems quite fed up with Marie again.

„The Hooligans are holding up Thomas, but he is really pissed at Marie for her newest sabotage. Actually, I am afraid this ends with black magic again… is it possible to … bring Marie out of sight?“

„Why is that always my task?“

„You can also ask Janne, I don´t care, but we all are really having enough of her actions now.“

„Neither you nor your girlfriend are innocent there, or should I remind you of the butter, for example?“

„Yeah but who started that shit and then escalated it with dead animals? Chanty almost killed us with her panic attack.“

„I can see that Marie derails a bit, yes… I will send her looking for booze, so if Thomas comes here after his chatter with these Hooligans, Marie won´t be there. Janne and me don´t want trouble, we want some adventure without too much drama.“

Meanwhile, Chanty needed some emotional support, as she was disappointed that Jan did everything but cuddling with her – and decided to get that at the Firulais camp.

„ORRRR! Angel, he should never, NEVER be jealous again at Rudolph. Really, he is doing everything but looking at me, also, he complained at Shift Happens, how weird is that? He should discuss that directly, like my father.“

„I don´t think one could call that discussing, Chanty.“

„Angel, that´s the point…“

„But, didn´t you teach me that violence is bad?“

Anas point was valid, and Chantys braincell freezed. She shrugged, grabbed a bottle of Anas booze and wanted to drink it, but then noticed that she had enough alcohol in the recent time and put it back.


„How about football then? Maybe we can invite Jan, too?“

„Haha, yes, Josué, but Angel is in your team with that own-goal-scoring.“


so, now I have caught up with the pace, finally

Stage 13 - Snake with ketchup, please.

including Firulais by @Angelustyle and Highway Hooligans by @Madrias

“No, Chantal! Enough is enough!”

“But… yesterdays football match was soooo hard… and I had such a tough day overall…”

“Chanty, that´s my last snacks. Why don´t you plunder the breakfast of your own team?”


“Honestly, looking at you, I can tell you are definitely NOT starving.”

“Yeah, I am just a fat and useless piece of…”


“I sucked so much yesterday at football, I am so much slower than everyone else!”

“STOP! Jan told me that you fixed the car yesterday and that if it wasn´t for you, your team would have been out. So stop this bullshit!”

“Is that true? Chanty did it?”

“Yep, Angel, it was Chanty who repaired that nasty sabotage.”

“Yaaaasss… I mean, I have helped my father a bit…”

Chanty now smiled slightly, also her face turned into a soft red.

“Damn, I have rarely seen you that happy… all right, you deserved that chips bag, I changed my mind.”

“We want to share it, Ana?”


At the starting line, Chantys good mood has already disappeared.

“Hm, we have lost anyway, after yesterday… we don´t have any chance anymore even for the top 10. Gollum ruined it.”

“And why are you hitting yourself if Gollum ruined it and it is by no way your fault? Stop that! Damn, Chantal, having you as a daughter is the best but also the most stressful thing happening to me.”


“But we love you existing. Thomas, can I give her our surprise?”

“Later, we need to start now. You can give it to her at the smoking break as you have nothing better to do then. Chantal, you promise me to stop hitting yourself with the door frame?”

“Yes… sorry… It´s just that we were sooooo close to a great finish, and it´s all lost…”

“Baby, its not about winning, it´s about having fun. And you… have none at the moment, and that´s a bigger problem than our lost postitions in the standings. What if you drive today?”

“Hmmm… alright, so I can´t get lost in thoughts then. Gentlemen, use your seatbelts…”

“…and start praying. Yeah, don´t try to kill us again, please, I am old enough to go for good, but Jan and you aren´t, remember that!”

Chanty was unusually calm, and focussed on driving instead of singing, talking or doing anything else.

“Are you tired?”

“Yes… I am homesick… and tired… and hungry…and I just noticed my blue hair is fading again. And I have no blue hair dye left. LOOK AT ME! AAAAAAAARRGGGHH!!! WHY CAN´T BLUE JUST BE MY NATURAL COLOR?”

“Well, time for your surprise then, stop right there and I`ll get us two cigarettes, Jan, please get her… THE BOTTLE!”

“What bottle?”

“Finest Holsian ketchup from the support train… for our little hero!”

But when Jan passed the two others the ketchup bottle, something else also found its way out of the bag: A SNAKE!


“Chanty, keep calm, maybe Dieter wants to visit us again.”

“THIS IS NOT DIETER. I REMEMBER HOW HE LOOKED… I will always remember him… I miss Dieter…”

“Jan… could you PLEASE give her the ketchup to calm her down? Yeah, I know its not Dieter, but the same type of snake, these aren´t poisonous nor they will bite.”

“Actually, I read a lot about snakes, but this… type is different, Thomas.”

“What do you mean? So thats a bite-snake, or what?”


“JAN! Look it up!”

Thomas tried his best to talk with the snake and convince it to exit the car, but the snake felt very comfortable in the luxury interior and didn´t think of going back into nature.

After almost an hour, Jan finally compared the snake successfully to the ones in the book - and found out that snake is no threat to humans. By knowing that, Thomas just grabbed the snake and put her in the grass, with a protesting Chanty that wanted another pet and … wasn´t allowed it, so she made a very sad face when driving for the rest of the stage.

Also, when she found out that the arrival that there are no proper toilets AGAIN, Chanty just fainted. Jan volunteered to build up the campsite and look a bit after Chantal, so Thomas decided to stray a bit around at other teams, now that he had been released of “Smurfcare”, however, Chanty is now less of a smurf thanks to the lack of hair dye, as some of that went to Ana. Their first stop was the Highway Hooligans.

“Thomas, what I don´t get… if she thinks she is a loser by default, why is she then so disappointed that you are scoring bad at this event?”

“Maybe she wants to prove everyone, including herself, that she isn´t…”

“Anyway, I think I have something to cheer your daughter a bit up.”

“Better no alcohol, she said herself she exagerrated it a bit here. That also counts for me…”

“No, no, I wanted to dye Codys hair blue as a prank at some point… but, I forgot about it, but now that I saw Chantal looking like an exploded parrot with shades of blue, green blonde and …something that I can´t define, it came back to my mind. So… you think it would make her happy?”

“OH! Definitely. Thanks, And what do you want in return?”

“Good mood at our beach barbecue party at the end of this event! You three could help me organizing that, as … well… you know my team by now. They could need a little German efficiency. But don´t let your daughter alone with the food unsupervised, haha!”

“I think we can do that, yep. Maybe we find something there which will become a distillery with Jannes assistance again.”

1 Like

OK, when I got some time to catch up, I got sick, and also, I felt that more people were waiting for progress in FFF than for this so I had some prio on that, but trying to catch up now… It will, however, be without the usual formatting, to speed things up a bit…

Stage 10 - Talrem to Plentare

With Marie once again asleep with her head against the dashboard, Janne and Andreas jumped into the IP which…well. Woke Marie up. With a jump. So, she hit the switch to the dixie horn.


“AUGH!”, Marie screamed. “What the fuck are you doing? I have a headache! Turn off this crap!”

“It’s not like if it was you that turned it on or something…”, Andreas said.

“Of course it wasn’t! I have a headache!”, Marie answered.

“You are a headache yourself”, Andreas grumbled while trying to start the IP.


“Goddamned”, Andreas said. “Seems like the battery doesn’t really like the cold after all.”

“I can get a new one”, Marie said.

“No, you can’t”, Andreas answered. “You will probably do it in the most stupid way possible”

“Whatever, stop blabbering, I have a headache!”, Marie said, once again falling asleep, slamming her face against the dashboard and getting stuck on some piece of duct tape.


Well, the stage actually went rather fine, despite dry rotted tyres on a car with all the weight on the front end, after all, wintertime driving was only Andreas natural element. That was, until some snow came….



“Well, I prefer seeing where I am driving, to be honest”, Andreas answered.

“Seems like they didn’t”, Janne said, pointing at Team MCPs stuck vehicle.

“Fucking city dwellers thinking they can drive on anything else than dry paved roads, they should go to hell”, Marie said, once again falling asleep.


“RAAH!”, Marie said. “IF YOU TURN ON THAT LOUD FUCKING WIPER ONE MORE TIME, I WILL MAKE YOU SWALLOW IT!”, Marie shouted to Andreas, giving him a slap on the face.

“And how did you get that bad headache?”, Janne asked.

“I am allergic to smurfs”, Marie answered.

Later on, after a lot of fighting with Marie after setting up the tent in camp, they promised to see if there were some painkillers to find in town. Well, mostly to don’t have to listen to her nagging anymore.

“They basically have 30s era technology everything”, Janne said. “I bet they have better medicines too, since everything that’s good is banned nowadays”.

Getting to the IP, however, they noticed that something was very wrong.



“Probably that goddamned Smurf stole it”, Marie said.

“You can’t blame everything on Chanty!”, Andreas answered.

“Maybe not, but this time I have a feeling that she is right”, Janne said.

Stuffing old spare tires and junk as a replacement for the seat, our team went to town and managed to get some pain killers for Marie. While getting back to the car, however, something unpleasant happened. Some maniac on a bicycle almost took Janne down, before ending with a huge crash.

“A fucking cyclist”, Marie said, “I hope she died.”

“It seems to be Chanty”, Janne said.

“Oh. I really hope she died”, Marie said.

(read up on the rest in Happyhungryhippo’s post)

After getting back to camp, Marie noticed that Thomas had put the E-bike battery back in the Primus. She also noticed that the Primus was unsupervised for a while, so she had a really great idea about how to get a battery. Well. Apparently the defective anti theft system on the Primus started working all of a sudden when Marie tried to remove the battery using….violence. The horn did not honk, but the lights started flashing, and the doors locked and unlocked like crazy.

“FUCK! SOMEONE WILL NOTICE THIS!”, Marie said, frenetically pulling the door handle until the door was in an unlocked position so she could get in. Somehow, some wiggling on the ignition key managed to get the anti theft system to probably stop working for good.

“I wonder if it starts”, Marie thought for herself, and started it up. The engine woke to life, but as soon as she turned the key back, something else happened.


“I better get out of here”, Marie thought, sitting with the airbag in her lap after coughing for a while.

Meanwhile, Jan and Andreas had a conversation about the itching powder Jan put in Maries clothes.

“Are you fucking stupid or something?”, Andreas asked Jan.

“Eh… But to be fair, isn’t she annoying you too?”, Jan tried.

“I asked you a fucking question, don’t answer me with another question. ARE-YOU-FUCKING-STUPID, answer me, yes or yes?”, Andreas asked Jan, that now seemed to become very nervous.

“Eh…ulp…yes…I guess. But, do you really think we should get into such an argument for…”

“ARGUMENT? Who do you think is going to have an argument when she freaks out because everything is itching? Who do you think is going to handle all of that tomorrow? Huh!”, Andreas answered, getting more and more annoyed.

“Listen, if we look at it this way, she is a free individual on her own and…”

“DID I WANT A FUCKING EPISODE OF DR PHIL, OR DID I WANT AN ANSWER?”, an even more annoyed Andreas said, when Marie, full of white powder arrived.

“OK, miss Screwitallup, what the fuck have you been doing now?”,

“Nothing. I need to change my clothes”, she said and threw her talcum hoodie off.

“Eh, I am actually a bit uncomfortable with you undressing in front of m…”, Jan started to say.


“Eh…you don’t feel anything…weird…”, Jan asked, very nervously.

“I SEE SOMETHING WEIRD, AND THAT IS ENOUGH!”, Marie yelled at Jan and went away.

“Wait…what…how…”, Jan asked Andreas.

“You’re lucky she seems to have kind of a thick skin…”, Andreas sighed.


Mentioned: @SurrealCereal @Happyhungryhippo


Team Firulais

Stage 12: “Mind Reader’s Hell: The Incomplete Trilogy”

In Collaboration with @Happyhungryhippo [The Rhino Squad], @Madrias [Shift Happens, The Highway Hooligans {just a mention}]

@SurrealCereal [Machinas Con Passione]
@Elizipeazie [GECA Interstellar]
@Knugcab [Team Hillbilly Rollers]

Morning at Asda…
Daylight Revealings

The Firulais, who couldn’t sleep comfortably last night, wake up the next morning. Greeted by the looks of their driver’s side now semi-destroyed… Ángel made a deep analysis on the car a bit earlier in the morning.

Ángel:“OK… So… Guys…”
Josué:“Does it have any damage ?”
Ángel:“Yes it does… And it is severe… But only cosmetic.”
Josué:“How can it be severe if it is only cosmetic ?”
Ángel:“Well… For your information, the roof is now bendable, the tires seem to be slightly worse, the windscreen wipers still on going, interior lighting is dead, there’s a hole in the roof, rear quarter panel of glass is almost completely black, my swamp cooler is gone, driver side door linkages are now visible from the outside, the only mirror we had is no longer there, seats have minimal damage, paint is now Black-ish on the driver’s side…”

It turns out, their car had taken a beating. Who knows how hot was the fire Ana threw that day, but, it must have been extraordinarily hot. Ángel could’ve continued, but he was then stopped by Josué, who just had one question…

Josué:“Does it still drive ?”
Ángel:“Yes… Mechanically it didn’t suffer. Sadly, this means I’ll have to sleep on the floor for these last few days.”
Andrés:“Man, I’m glad I wasn’t inside that car at that moment.”
Ángel:“I… Have to agree…”
Ana:“Ángel, I’m so, so, so sorry…”
Ángel:“How the hell did you not get injured in that ?”
Ana:“Being fully honest with you… I have absolutely no idea of how I even did that. Even today, I have zero idea. I know your family has powers, some of them very powerful. But, you’ve never told us if you had any family member with Fire Element powers…”
Ángel:“Most surely, we, as a family, have never.”

Then Tomás raises his hand, and Ángel allows him to speak.

Tomás:“I’ll go and ask Shift Happens.”
Ana:“Uhh… Why them precisely ?”
Tomás:“Didn’t you talk to them before that happened ? Anyway, Ángel, come with me !”
Tomás:“What ?”
Ángel:“I’m feeling like another Mind Reading Crisis will happen today… I get the feeling. So I don’t wanna come within much distance. I feel like I need to control the situation, because I personally don’t want to cause more trouble for the other teams… Let alone cause more problems with the local police and the locals.”

Tomás nodded, and headed alone to the Shift Happens part of the camp.

Lauren:“Good morning… Anything to tell us ?”
Tomás:“Yeah, one thing… we had a small incident last night…”
Lauren:“What sort of Incident ?”
Tomás:“Well… Ana drank a bottle of beer last night, after talking with you, and for some reason, she spitted fire afterwards…”

Lauren seemed confused after this statement.

Lauren:“I don’t recall her talking to us anywhere…”
Kayden:“Neither do I.”
Kasiya:“Well, in that case, that explains why we felt just a little bit hotter last night…”
Tomás:“Hmmm… This is all so confusing. I saw her coming with a bottle of beer… It certainly wasn’t ours.”
Malavera:“She must have stolen it, then. But from who ?”
Jayde:“I don’t think it was mine.”
Manikihali:“Then she must have stolen it from me, that little bastard… Well, at least, she now learned to not steal from us again.”
Lauren:“Yeah… Anyway. Any sort of things that happened to you or others ? Did anyone get hurt ?”
Tomás:“No, luckily no one, not even Ana got hurt. Maybe Ángel and I have some very minor burns and bruises, but nothing else… But… Our car caught on fire. Took a while to extinguish it. It still works though.”
Lauren:“Ok… And anything else to add ?”
Tomás:“Ángel thinks his next Mind Reading Crisis will be on this stage. Although he will attempt to control it on himself.”

With that and little more to say, Tómas headed back to camp… But would only tell Ana why did she spit fire… Or at least, what he got of an idea. He just knew telling everyone in the team that Ana stole beer and because of that their whole night was ruined would guarantee to start a very ugly fight.

Not much happened for the Team while they sat at camp. Only that then the Rhino Squad and a few others then noticed the incident they didn’t heard of, but probably felt; If the other teams felt the night felt an itch hotter than usual, or if they were briefly awakened by something bright in the distance, they weren’t having any illusions…

But, not all was bad at the Firulais camp. Because, 20 minutes before setting off, with a hearty breakfast of… nothing, Ángel arranged a little meeting for the team.

Ángel:“So… Is everyone here ?”
Everyone (in slight desynchrony):“Yes.”
Ángel:“Good. So, remember when I decided to take charge on the driving for the rest of the rally ? I’ve made the decision, to… Let everyone drive a bit of the stage. Essentially, one of us drives one bit, then we stop for a minute or so, and the driver is swapped, and so on, until all of us have driven at least once in the stage. Is that good ?”

With a slightly desynchronized “Yes!”, in various languages, the agreement was set. So for the last stages, everyone in the team got a chance to drive.

Road to Dalhus - Ángel’s Turn to Drive (2nd person to drive)
“Things went from bad to worse… But not for us”

It didn’t even take the Firulais much more than 20 miles before Ángel took a corner just a little bit too Rally-ish and blew another pair of tires… again.

Ángel:“Sorry, guys. My bad. Will fix it now.”

Up to this point, it was almost always Ana the one who changed the tires. Now it would be Ángel the one to do so. Even so, it wasn’t a lengthy process at all.

But then, they hurd some news over in the radio.

Really bad news.

Apparently, one bicycle rider of GECA had crashed down the mountainside after being attacked. Machinas Con Passione’s Car had fallen apart. And Shift Happens and the Highway Hooligans had a crash amongst themselves.

They then heard a growling noise. Ángel apparently was the only one to get scared by it, as the rest of the team laughed.

He wasn’t laughing though. That noise really concerned him.

But just after Ángel finished repairs, they continued onwards, aware of the situation on the radio. They soon passed Machinas Con Passione’s car.

Ángel:“Gee, look at that.”
Ana (who was driving by this point):“Yeah, I know. Quite bad that.”
Josué:“I’ve taxed worse.”
Ángel:giggles“You’ve taxed worse ! B…but, yeah… I’m actually quite glad we aren’t them…”

“I know this event was for crappy cars… But… Just how crappy did they want to get ?”, thought Tomás, who was looking at them how he could, given their passenger’s side rear quarter panel was non existent, and had tape instead. But the hole of the tubing of the improvised swamp cooler was still sitting in there.

Throughout the stage, they also noticed just how Ángel was… Starting to get more tense. More nervous. Just before entering Dalhus, he asked the driver (at that moment, Andrés was driving, last driver of the day) to pull over, so he could go away and try to wait for the effects to dissipate.

Given they’d driven relatively fast, they lost quite some time due to that inconvenience. Not to mention the tire blowout, and the swap of drivers every 15 miles or so. At one point, Ángel let himself have a Mind Reading Incident, this team reading Andrés’ mind as they were in an Area where it didn’t make much sense to go away. Besides, they couldn’t stop in that particular zone. And, while it certainly wasn’t pleasant, his team was getting accostumed. So was he. Even if for him getting accostumed was significantly harder, because every time the pain just seemed to intensify…

…they didn’t focus on the time either. They’d all forgotten all competitions and now the “leaderboard” was nothing but a small reference on how they did. Right now, their only objective was finishing.

Afternoon at Dalhus.
“No mames, no me la creo” - Ana Montoya

Even with the inconveniences of Mind Reading, and the events of last night, the Firulais were still one of those teams who was there for fun.

That seemed like it when they agreed on a small mini-match of soccer against Chantal and Jan of the Rhino Squad in a small grass field, which they improvisedly turned into a temporary micro-soccer pitch of sorts. However, Ángel, knowing now how time was vastly different in Aetherii than in Earth, he decided to put things easy, and change some rules.

No more than half an Aetheriian Hour of Play Time (for those not accostumed, that’s roughly 53 minutes on Earth).
4 break times (10 Aetheriian Minutes, 4 times to rest for 3 Aetheriian Minutes).
And no more than 4 players per team.

And with that, the little game began. Chantal and Jan in one side, Ángel and Josué on the other.

Now, the match didn’t have much to say, other than the fact that Ángel scored a very early own goal, that Chantal actually scored one of 3 goals for her team, and that Ángel actually got the chance to redeem himself later after looking at how he had the chance to score the goal of victory (at that moment, they were tied 3-3).

However, while he wanted his play to be efficient…

…it actually ended up looking a lot more like this.

Ana, who was commentating to give some more touch to the game, actually said the following…

Ana:“Ahi va. Última jugada. Ahí va, que hizo Jan-? Ahí va Ángel, solo Ángel, solo Ángel, solo, solo, solo, solooooo, TIROOOO… Qué !? Pero… No mames, no me la creo ! Ni para eso es capaz ! Se comió el gol de la victoria !”

Translated: “There it goes. Last play of the game ! There he goes, what has Jan…? There goes Ángel, Ángel alone, Ángel alone, alone, alone, alone, aloooooone, shooooot… What !? But… Don’t suck, I can’t believe it ! Not even for that he is capable ! He ate¹ the winning goal !”

¹In Spanish, “Eating a goal” is essentially, failing a very easy goal. Very common term used in Colombia.

So, the match ended 3-3, although it could’ve well finished 4-3 if Ángel hadn’t made such a ridiculous blooper.

Not much more happened for them that evening though… Only that they’d Hurd that the Hillbilly Rollers had sabotaged the Rhino Squad… And, they, same as other teams, were also having enough. They felt things were going a bit too far. Specially Ángel, who could still vividly remember how he tackled Marie that one day, at Björnes.

Midnight at Dalhus
The Incomplete Trilogy of “Mind Reader’s Hell” comes to an end

Given how where the effects on the other stages of Mind Reader’s Hell, Ángel for the day at Dalhus had a good day… Having 4 in a single day may be a lot. But only 1 ? And later the effects dissipating ? That’s normal to him.

So, for once, he actually got to sleep good…

…well. Not so much. As he now had to sleep on the floor (more specifically, decided to do it underneath the car). He now hoped no snakes were after him.

But the trilogy of sorts wouldn’t be complete without one last act of Mind Reading Chaos. Late that night, and, we mean very late, Ángel was experiencing the usual effects of Mind Reading… Even though he wasn’t reading anyone’s mind… BUT, he was in close proximity to others, so… What was going on ?

Well… The migraine eventually generated a nightmare. One which seemed particularly difficult to escape from. What was this nightmare about ? Imagine a compilation of all of his Mind Reading Incidents… And merge all images and sounds. And make it last longer.

When Ángel finally managed to wake up from it, he didn’t remembered he was sleeping underneath the car… Before hitting himself in the head with the underside of the car itself.

Ángel (heavily muffled):“AH—Oooooooowww…”

After that, he made the decision that, as much as he didn’t enjoy to sleep in the Aurora (and, now even less now that damages to the interior were getting quite clear), it was better than to sleep on the floor.

So that’s what he did. But the night didn’t seem to get more comfortable from there onwards.

Again, Collabs are Open !

(But I still haven’t caught Up. And I felt I tried to improvise down at the end…)

(And yes, writing for Stage 13 will begin in not much. I’m sorry for not uploading any more drawings though. So I’ll make some effort and make one for the end of the Rally.)


Shitbox Rally - Stage 14

Stage 14: Eson to Menes

Weather: High 20’s, no clouds, minimal wind.

We return to driving on the coastal roads toward Menes in the morning, a beautiful, winding, well-built driving road, perfect for those with sporty cars or anything slow enough to drive fast on this road. There are great cliffside views at times, teasing with hints of what we might be able to soon enjoy - a good swim in the ocean. The train, on the other hand, is forced to run further inland, not getting the great view of the ocean.

Another echoing boom announces Shift Happens has blown another bus tire. Later on, Honey I Bought a S#!tbox does the same thing, along with Team Peak Performance.
(@Rambow, @HappyHungryHippo)

Team Firulais has to stop on the side of the road and replace their radiator. At least it wasn’t a tire this time! Two hours later, they’re driving again, with much better temperatures.

The Rhino Squad loses five hours today. Two hours to fix an electrical gremlin, two more to deal with the smoked brake pads and rotors, and one to an impromptu selfie session from Chanty with the cliffside view of the ocean in the background.

Faolan Industries has to roll up their sleeves and get a bit dirty when their car loses clutch control. Thankfully, one of their spare parts was a clutch slave cylinder, and that fixes the problem with only a couple hours of lost time.

The Interceptors had a mysterious squeak out back. That squeak turned into a bang and a squeal when the rear shock absorbers both broke, turning the back of the car into a bouncy castle. It took a couple of hours to fix the problem.

Like before when we saw Menes, it has tight roads that are just perfectly designed for bicycles and pedestrians, and the occasional motorcycle. Fortunately for us, it won’t matter - We’re not going through it, we’re going around it and down to the beach.

Well… It’s technically a beach. Instead of sand, it’s more-or-less fine gravel, though polished smooth enough by the waves to not tear up your feet when walking on it. If you’re not completely inept at driving, you should be able to get close enough to camp to enjoy the beach and still have the car nearby without getting stuck. Some of the locals are around, using primitive surfboard-like contraptions to enjoy the waves. The tents and vehicles are parked up on the grass further back away from the beach, avoiding any of them ending up swept up by the tide. As for services… You have an entire ocean to swim in… And not much of anything else.

Spreadsheet is here: SR2024 Stage Results - Google Drive

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Stage 11 - Plentare to Asda

Once again, there were some problems with starting the IP with its weak battery in the cold. But as the team took off, they were once again among the faster ones, despite being somewhat uncomfortable sitting on old spare wheels. Marie, however, could not really forget the happenings from yesterday…

“Janne, are there lots of electrical gremlins with Primuses like the Rhinos?”

“Yeah, totally shit. If the drain under the hood is clogged it will drown the fuse box and then everything will go nuts. How come you’re asking?”, Janne answered.

“Nah, was just curious. Do you think it has happened to theirs?”

“Probably not because they would not have gotten away then. Again, why are you asking?”, Janne once again asked her.

“I don’t know”, Marie said, opened a beer can and after that it was mostly useless gibberish she blabbered on about, that nobody cared about, and Andreas cranked up the stereo on max to don’t have to hear about it.

Later, when the team had arrived, Janne brought some unknown tin cans for them to eat from.

“What the fuck is this?”, Andreas asked.

“I don’t know, the text was in russian but you can’t read it anymore, so the translator ring won’t help.”, Janne answered.

“Oh, that sounds great…”, Andreas said with lots of salt in his voice. “Why do you always buy shit like this?”

“It is the cheapest form of excitement you can get!”, Janne answered.

Marie was less enthusiastic after having opened a can. “It is just lard. I mean, pure lard in a can. Not even I am going to eat this. Don’t even bother to open yours.”

“Fuck…”, Janne said. “Well, I guess I will get something else then”.

Later on, the team was watching the drama with the burning car.

“Should we help them?”, Andreas asked.

“Nah. They are so many people there already, we will just be in the way”, Janne said.

When seeing that the Rhinos were busy with trying to put out the fire, Marie added 1+1. She thought about the lard cans, and about what Janne had said considering the Primus drainage problem. She went away to the Primus with all the lard cans she could find, and suddenly, the Primus drainage was filled to the top with top quality Soviet lard……


Mentioned: @Angelustyle @Happyhungryhippo

1 Like

Stage 14: Bittersweet End

teams included: Highway Hooligans and Shift Happens by @Madrias, Firulais by @Angelustyle , Hillbilly Rollers by @Knugcab
teams mentioned: GECA by @Elizipeazie, Fuist by @Djadania

It was still in the middle of the night, when Chantal woke up, although she had slept all the time after fainting, she was far from being relaxed: She had a bad nightmare, going through what happened to Valentin, as it was told to her by Thomas who had heard it first hand from the Highway Hooligans, and she felt bad for Valentin, although she didn´t like him too much, she thought he was intimidating, and cold, thanks to and his, well, not impolite, but very reserved character. Still, Chanty felt sympathy with him, not deserving what the Kerman brothers did to him. In the end, he was distanced, but never mean to her. That already qualifies enough that Chanty really felt with him.

She started writing a „Get well soon“ letter, of course in German as she is not capable of any other language, except for singing along English songtexts by heart but having no idea what she is actually singing there. Well, also the German in the letter wasn´t the most correct in terms of grammar and ortography, but she thought Valentin is smart enough to figure out what she wants to tell him.

With the letter ready, she noticed that she would need to send it via…. Post, something Chanty has never done. Who would know that better than Shift Happens?

„Chaaaaaaanty, please, not EVERY NIGHT. Valraadis also need a bit of sleep. What is it this time?“

„I… have no idea how to address a letter properly, and I think as a local you might know…“

„Are you serious? Who of the locals do you even want to write to?“

„Valentin… isn´t he in hospital?“

„Yes, but ON EARTH.“

„Hm, that should be easier to address then without knowledge in Holsian…“


Kiva became a bit loud, because he was woken up in the middle of the night with – from his POV – dumb questions, but his physical presence and firm voice scared Chanty so much, that she was hiding behind a bush and started crying.

„I am really sorry, Chantal, it´s on be being a bit tired. Please give me what you have written, I will make sure it is delivered to Valentin as fast as possible.“

„o…ok… please don´t hate me for being dumb…“

„Nah. You know what would be dumb? Being selfsh, ignorant or heartless, and there, you are the smartest person…. maybe Lauren can keep a bit up with you, but you are definitely very smart in your own way. By the way, you want to have a good overview over the site? I can lift you up a bit and carry you to your team, if you want.“

„Yaaaaaaaas! That´s so cool! If only we had … proper sanitary equipment.“

„Oh, but we have a tiny river near here, if I lift you a bit higher, you can see it….“

„I CAN! Is that safe to bath?“

„Safe, yes, but cold.“

„I am no barbie!“

Chanty got her headphones and a bit of shampoo and walked there, and the sun was already raising when she was done.

Yes, she was freezing, also… she overestimated the sunny weather a bit. But the event was going to end soon anyway and they headed to a very warm location, at least that´s what Kiva told her, so … she just enjoyed some relaxed time.

The water looked clear, and as Jan told her that in the wild, you can determine the quality of water by the fishes that swim in it, she borrowed Jans book just to find out that the water is excellent, and safe to swim, maybe even drink. Trying to match the fish with the black and white photos and the complex descriptions was hard, though, but Chanty isn´t unable to survive by herself, after all.

Meanwhile, Thomas prepared the breakfast, while Jan wanted to charge his phone in the Primus, but the battery went on strike.

„Didnt you buy a new battery already?“

„Yes. Its the best and most expensive available.“

„If that´s the best I dont want to see the cheapest then…Maybe someone will borrow us theirs to start the car…“

„We still need one later, so… yeah, here is some money, go get one from the train, although they sell us some historic crap for a kidney… but, at least they offer a constant and reliable basic supply, so… better that than nothing instead of complaining.“

„But where is Chanty?“

„I will cook something smelling veeeeery delicious. Don´t you think that smurfs might be attracted by that?“

Jan got a new battery, and, when he arrived totally exhausted at the campsite, Chanty appeared out of the forest.


„There you are finally! Damn, I was worried.“

Jan ran to his girlfriend and gave her a romantic kiss, something he rarely does by himself, not because he has no feelings for Chanty, but more because he doesn´t want to behave childish, and Chanty loved it this time and made the kiss very passionate… VERY passonate, and the worst case occurred.

„NAAAAAH! Our piercings got stuck in each other!“

„Chanty, for real? OUCH! Yes, shit!“

A bit of laughter was audible in the background, and Ana walked past them.

„Honestly, I was waiting for this this to happen all the time!“


„Did I say I wanted to help? What can I do?“

„As Chanty is much smaller than me, bending myself down in this position is PAINFUL! Please get me a spare tire for her to step on it….“

„Don´t you have one?“

„NO!“, laughed Thomas. „S O M E O N E thought we would need a subwoofer in that spot more.“

Louis from the Team Fuist generously offered his spare, and Jan could soon stand a bit better, while many different techniques to free the young couple, while Chanty tried her best to tell everyone how to solve the issue. When it was Angels turn, he finally succeeded.

„Oh, now! Thanks Chanty, that was helpful. Your hint finally worked.“

„DAAAAMN! That happened a lot to me at school with braces, so I am sadly experienced.“



„I really look foward to hearing them!“, said Trevor, not without some amusement.


, barked Thomas back, then admitting that Chanty got a point there…

Her new freedom was well-used, as Chanty checked for the battery.

„WHAT? Let me take a look!“

„So, as you have proven to be an useful mechanic, I am curious what you can do for us, but Jan already got a new one.“



„They stole our good battery and gave us their shitty one.“

„How do you know?“


„So? And if it was made in Japan, would it be Angels fault then?“

„Thomas, Chanty is right! When you buy a battery in Holsia, like you did… don´t you think that… they wouldn´t sell earth-made ones here?“


„Thomas, better not, if you process Marie to meat, nobody could eat it with all that fat. It would taste like old tires.“

„NOTHING AGAINST FAT PEOPLE! I take that personal.“

„Chanty, you are… fluffy, not fat.“

„Aaaaaawwww, please marry me!…“

The car took off, with Chanty again driving for the final stage, as that was the team´s try to let her have the most fun, despite being lost at the back in the standings, which still hurt Chanty a lot, and after two thirds of the distance, the car started to have a very weak feeling in the brake pedal, and the inevitable happened – Chanty slammed into the Aurora in front of her, and the very weak body structure of the Firulais car gave up, so not even the trunk could be closed anymore, while the massive Primus sustained only minor damage. Thomas was losing his temper a bit, although Chanty managed not to cry, despite clearly having the urge to do so, but trying her best to manage that situation the adult way.

„And you thought grabbing a perfectly fine front bumper out of my shelf was a good idea. THANKS, CHANTAL!“

„Didn´t you change the brakes? Why do I have such problems then?“

„I didn´t change the rotors, I just grinded them off, as the budget was limited. I didn´t think that the car would do so much downhill drives at later stages. There is only one way to fix this… letting them cool down and then drive the few last kilometers. I don´t have new rotors, just new pads, and I can mount them… would propably keep the vehicle roadworthy for the way back to Nevada, and then after it will be ripped apart for spares anyway.“


While the Aurora continued after not even a minute of discussion, the Rhinos needed two hours to fix the brakes, making them work not well but enough to be safe. When Chanty drove off, the car was suddenly stuck in second gear and threw the gearbox warning light directly into Chantys face. Chanty tried a few rough accellerations, making the belt force limiter of Thomas in the passenger snap and causing him to bang aganst the dashboard that was thankfully soft premium material, but the car refused to shift into the third gear and the V6 screamed into the rev limiter.




Chanty started hitting her head hard against the steering wheel, and Thomas in the passenger seat squeezed his hands between her forehead and the steering wheel.

„CHANTAL! STOP! You are going to injure yourself!“

„SO WHAT? I HOPE IT IS LETHAL! And that fucked up head can´t become any worse as well!“

„Emergency ring?“

„Nah, Jan, that´s not neccecary. I have experienced worse situations in that aspect, that´s not even the top five. Believe me, there was enough that I better don´t tell anybody and will remain my secret.“

„Dear god.“


„Forget it, Chanty. I love you like you are, and if that´s your way to deal with extreme stress, so be it.“

Chanty then became silent, and let out a lot of tears, but stopped trying to harm herself, thankfully. Thomas had no motivation at all to deal any longer with the Primus that, after being way too reliable for what it is, falls apart bit by bit.

More and more locals watched the jacked up car, and Thomas disassembling the gearbox components with a lot of swears that were thankfully not all translated by his ring.

„The ECU of the gearbox is fine, Chanty did it great. If it is the periphery on the transmission case, I can do something, but if it is mechanical inside, that´s a DNF. That gearbox weights 95 kilogram, that´s impossible here.“

„SSSSHHHH! Do you want that Chanty hears this?“

„Oh, she´s gone anyway, I gave her blue hair dye that I got from the Hooligans for her, so… she is distracted with becoming a smurf again.“

„Great plan, let´s hope … she gets over this mess.“

„I doubt, but … she will grow on that. Didn´t we agree to make this with her, knowing that we will run laughing into a chainsaw, because she needs to deal with unknown situations and new adventures in order to accept herself more? I think she did well today until the car let us down.“

„Yeah, well, who picks an old Primus anyway, any idiot knows that these things are a repair bill with wheels.“

„Pah! Cheap, yet annoying fix. Look at that! The solenoid pack is clogged. Changing the transmission fluid might have flushed a lot of old dirt through the hoses. It won´t open the valve for the third gear. Cleaning that is an awful job… call Chanty. It´s annoying to do but an easy task, and I think she desperately needs something that makes her succeed today.“

With that said and done, the team was ready to continue, but … Chantal then sighed.

„We have lost anyway.“


„I… learned to live without social meda, but… that means I haven´t done many selfie sessions… or really good videos. I was simply too distracted.“

„Which is good, little smurf, hm?“

„But dad, I … just love that beautiful cliff and the ocean. And, at this point with that much bad luck, one hour more or less…“

„True. JAN, MOVE IT! Let´s do it.“

Although it really needed an hour because Chanty cried on some attempts, as all that events on that day were a bit too much for her, a few really nice shots were taken, and even a lot of couple photos and videos – as she promsed to no longer hide Jan in her social media accounts, something that he always asked for. Actually, Thomas was VERY nervous seeing his very clumsy daughter standing near these dangerous cliffs and was about to have panic attacks himself, but strangely, his heart felt overall a bit better after black magic was done to him.

As the Rhinos became very dirty from repair work, they decided to swim in the ocean, making use of the perfect weather… with Chanty still switching between happiness and sadness. It will need a lot of time to process the eventful stages, but in the end, Thomas and Jan hoped that it was overall an experience helping her grow into a world that didn´t always mean it good with her, and in which she also shoots herself in the foot with her attitude.

Andreas stepped up to Jan, asking him to bring Chanty, as at the end of the whole event, the sometimes really ugly confrontations with Marie should be cleared up, and she refused Jans company, as she is „not a little girl anymore.“

But she came back half an hour later, and her red eyes showed that… maybe Janne and Andreas meant it good, but – it was a fail. Thankfully, Angel spotted Chanty running away from Marie in tears, and proposed another football match. As her only goal was … well, a gift of the other team to let her have a success, Chanty this time volunteered as goalkeeper, with Jan, Thomas and Tomás in her team, playing against Angel, Josué and Andrés, while Ana was both the referee and commentator.

„I am as wide as the goal, so what should go wrong there?“

„So, if we have the opportunity to meet each other again in Sweden, you will surely like Kanna, she is very much like you.“

„I…don´t know if I can, Angel… it depends a bit on my mental state. If I am as low as now, I am afraid, I can´t stand that… on the other hand, it´s much shorter and maybe easier, I still don´t know.“

Sadly, Chanty did not… stop a single ball, as she was still confused by that stressful day. And after a precise shot from Angel came in with an absurd angle, Chanty tried to kick it away finally doing a good save, but she chipped it in her own goal.


Chanty let herself sink into the grass, then yelling her famous „OOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR!“ and then standing up again. With immense force, propably letting all her stress out at once, Chanty kicked full force against the frame of the goal, but slipped and…hit it with her leg.

The crunching noise already told everyone that this will not be fixed with a few magic herbals and alcohol, and Thomas sat down, covering his face with his hands, mumbling a panicking „No, no, no…“ before carrying Chanty, who surprisingly didn´t cry as much as one would think, to Shift Happens, helped by the Firulais as Chantys weight is… well, requiring a few hands to safely transport her. Kiva was not amused to realize he won´t get any more sleep that night, but seeing Chanty, and this time REALLY being in need of help, he switched to „nice mode“.

„OH NO! I HATE BEING DEPRIVED OF SLEEP! I can hardly sleep in Atherii and now that I finally did… who is it this ti…. AH! NOT YOU AGAI…. eeh, hello Chantal, what´s up?“

Jan told Kiva the whole story, who then called for Lauren, as he was afraid of being not sensitive enough to deal with Chantal.

„How are you feeling.“

„Empty. Lost.“

„Sadly… unlike for your father, we can´t do black magic even if we wanted. Healing Thomas and then Valentin in a relatively short time period… I am afraid there is no way that Mani can do it now. But your leg isn´t that bad broken, it´s even still more or less in place. That´s again fine in six weeks.“


„You… sorry if I ask that, but I expected you to take this less easy.“

„It hurts like shit and now that back home the good weather starts, that´s bad yes… but … I feel so empty. Totally empty. But at least me needing an automatic car will… let our car live for a few weeks longer.“

„And I thought you can´t wait for that unreliable junk to be scrapped!“, laughed Kiva.

„NO! I mean, Marie abused it all the time. How would you feel if that Gollum would get your hands on you all the time to hurt you?“

Lauren gently stroked Chantys hair and agreed, then asked if she could do anything for her before treating her broken leg.

„A pink cast, definitely. Doesnt make the misery any better, but still… I think that looks the least shit on me.“

„I thought you are no barbie“

, smiled Kiva, but was then corrected.

„Maybe I am, but part time only…“