The 2023 Trafikjournalen 24h of clunkers - (END OF RACE!)

[shibusu]

Team Stamppot, Saucijzen & Shitbox

god ik hou van holland

.

The vict-err, the team:

Jan Johan Cornelius Elizabeth van der Pot - mechanic, and also driver
(or just Jan.)
51 year old man, farmer, and responsible for the vehicle. Having done most of the maintenance work on all his tractors and equipment, he knows his ways around cars and such, serving as the prime “shit gone wrong” contact person.

Joost Terhoeve - driver 2, pit stop guy
31, with a lead foot and flagrant disregard for vehicle condition. Has taken the poor car off road many times with middling results.

Sander van Maarsen - driver 3, pit stop guy 2
29, with experience in entertaining grand stands by taking corners a lot more sideways than they should be taken. Partially responsible for how bald the rear tires are on the car.

The car

This is it. It’s a 1979 ACR 400 Executive (read:shitspec). Despite being basically a taxi in equipment, it was specced with a 4-litre V8. It’s been sitting in Jan’s shed for 20 years after he bought it. We’ve been taking it out for joyrides every now and then, but other than that it has gotten no love.

…Now that sounds all well and good, a 4 litre must provide great performance. Except it doesn’t. Because the ACR 400 was intended to be ACR’s breach in to the North American market, breaking out of that little cubby hole in Europe that keeps fighting the ocean. With North American, I mean the US market. Which means horrific emissions choking and a break horsepower value of a glorious 150, at least in its current (broken) state. At the factory, it produced around 160, which is still terrible. But I digress.
Despite its…middling…engine, it still will do over 200 km/h if you keep your foot down, and will do 100 in 9 seconds, which is quite amazing for how crappy it is. The rear wheels will be spinning for over half of that run to 100, but that’s part of the fun, isn’t it?

So you might hear this and think:“Hey, despite this engine, its really fast? How’d you manage to enter it if it is so good?”

Well to answer that question, things are broken. Most things are broken. For starters, half of those problems were in the interior which has been stripped. Things like that digital display gimmick that ACRs had are broken, as is the HVAC, the door locks, the driver’s side door release, and all of the windows being stuck up.

As for the mechanicals, it has a differential whining and making helicopter noises sometimes, loose engine mounts (in no part thanks to Joost and his off-roading), a transmission that doesn’t shift in to overdrive and generally sluggish shifts, leaky, crusty seals, warped brake rotors from that one time we tried to blow the engine up by driving with the brakes on, and valvetrain damage from a shitty oil pump and a lot of high RPM shenanigans.

A good fit for this endurance race, then?

[Happyhungryhippo]

Leipzig, 03.01.2024, 12:00

Just in time the SUV stops in front of the run-down building. The old man sighs, rolls the windows down and lights a cigarette and after that is smoked up, he starts honking.

Chanty, your dad is here!

Aaaargh! He always have to be on time. I am not done with styling! What do you think, the pink or black headphones? I need to look good on Insta!

Actually, I don´t know and I don´t care, your father will rip MY ass off. I will get down the bags now to calm him a bit down. HURRY UP!

Aye, Jan, now that will grow you some muscles like a man. Just put it in the trunk, I have the jump starter ready. Chantal already called me that her battery is empty because she forgot to turn off the lights. Damn, where is that beast? CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT! MOVE YOUR AAAAASSSSSSS!

Mr. Nilfert, I guess it is serious when you call her full name?

You bet, JAN KELLERMANN! Either you or me drags her down, I suggest we have less emotional breakdowns if you do it, right?

20 minutes later, the Primus Advance is loaded onto the trailer, and the team takes off on the A9 highway.

He, Jan, awkward silence here since I put on my good old music. What´s Chantal doing back there?

Listening full volume to her music, sir.

Argh. Ignorant piece of… well, must be my genes. You seem like you could need some more nutrition, you could hide behind a lightpole. Any food wishes? We still got some time left until we need to board the ferry in Denmark.

to be contunued

[Knugcab]

Since Bing didn’ make what I want, I reuse he “thispersondoesnotexist” pictures from last year:

MATS HANSEN
The Captain slow of the staff. Someone that likes offroading and driving slow seems like the perfect driver on the track, or maybe not. IP enthusiast that never have owned anything else. The best mechanic of the bunch, though.

ERIK CARLÉN
The “old man” of the bunch, but also fastest and the one with the most experience in racing. Mostly an enthusiast of italian cars, which shows in his personal vehicle fleet, even though his first car many moons ago was a 1967 Volvo 144.

The hot blooded youngster that have had a bad habit to play car pinball on the track. Though he has at least grown a bit too old for ricers at the moment and now drives a fairly stock VF Disco GTi , but is dreaming of a Hinode MID2 .

(The story will be written up sooner or later)

[Djadania]

haha

THE TEAM (GRTTT)

Team Name: GRTTT (Great Racing Team Team Team)
Sponsor: BetterDeals

Driver 1: Jon Arbuckle

He came here hoping to get rid of his debt. How did he get this debt? Stupid cat.
He may not drive fast, but he drives so carefully that he shouldn’t really crash. Shouldn’t.
“Can someone clean the car before the start of the race? I don’t want to see any spiders.”

Driver 2: Yousuke Koiwai

Came here to show his daughter how cool he is. She couldn’t come though, she’s at grandma.
Back when he was younger he used to play Daytona USA in the arcade. That’s the only thing he knows about racing. He was real good at it though!
“When I get back home I’ll buy my daughter a cake to show her how cool I am!”

Driver 3: Cthulhu James

Came here to get away from the shadow in his room.
He lost his drivers license after doing double the allowed speed on the highway. He kept it under control though.
“I hate my parents.”

Driver 4: Crazy Dave

Came here looking for his taco.
He will do anything for his taco. Including going too fast and running people off of the road.
“Webi wabo?!”

Driver 5: Ayumu Kasuga

The team needed one more member, so they just chose some rando on the street.
Turns out she has amazing driving talent. She forgets where the pedals are occasionally, though.
“Why am ah here again?”

Now, you may ask, how did this team get together? Jon got in debt and needed to get his money back. So he started a racing team and is hoping to win. These people don’t know each-other past a game of Mario Kart and pizza.

THE CAR
Back in 1984 the Chinese Auto Corporation wanted to make a “sports” car, so they tried, showed the prototypes to Great Leader, and failed. It was going to be sent to the junkyard but CAC managed to send the prototypes out of the country.
Unfortunately, these cars were awful pieces of crap. One day, it showed up on an Ebay as “Car fish”.
Jon bought it to show it off to his non-existent girlfriend, which he later realized was non-existent.
So now he’s in even more debt. Hah. Now look at what he spent his money on.

The CAC Great Leader Sport (Number 13)
What a car ain’t she. Rust all over, it’ll probably fall apart the day after the race.
Based on certain Swedish car designs, it has a 1.6L I4 mounted Longitudinally, powering the front wheels. Of course it has some racing goodies like a modified engine, racing interior, etc. etc.

With all the preparation they have had (15 minutes), Team GRTTT is hoping to get rid of their debt and win this race of clunkers.
24h_-Djadania-CAC-_Great_Leader_Sport.car|attachment (74.0 KB)

[Maverick74]

Team Daytona Dreamers

The team:

David Kowalski, 27 year old Polish-American warehouse worker

Mikaela Bergquist, 26 year old Swedish photographer

Benjamin Eckhoff, 25 year old Swedish mechanic

Kim Wencel, 32 year old Korean-American teacher

The Car

A 1965 McNamara National Deluxe V8

*in partnership with Nocturne

[AndiD]

Team Oxracers II: The Return - Ep. 2: Rolling up the Sleeves… again

Previous post

After a while, Jane and Michael have concluded their examination of the red Seongu Kando 1.3ti SX.

Jane starts reporting back to the rest of the team. “We weren’t able to look too deep in the short time, our specimen here is rather fine all around, given its age - at least, nothing particularly bad stands out. The stock turbo is already rather close to the rules, and the stock sports suspension is also not too bad.”

More logistics... and a surprise transformation

“Yeah, but how do we actually get to the track?” Lucas wonders. “This thing only technically has four seats as the rear bench is rather small.” He looks up and down his own lanky frame.

“Oh, I can make our life a bit easier.” Mary puts both her hands on top of her head, spins around several times, continuously shrinks in the process and ends up as a white cat with black spots.

“That still works, even in the sequel this year???” Corazon is incredulous.

Mary just meows as a response and turns away from Corazon, jumping on the Kando’s hood.

“That leaves four of us”, Michael concludes. “Lucas drives, he is the tallest, Jane sits behind him. Corazon and myself will arrange ourselves on the passenger side.”

A disgruntled Corazon folds his arms in front of the chest, but doesn’t say anything.

“As bad news”, Jane begins, “There are also parts for a rollcage in the workshop which we have to install here, so that will make the interior space even smaller…”

“Any other changes you want to make now?” Lucas wonders.

Jane responds: “We can remove some weight-adding cladding on the undertray now, and then gut the interior at the track.”

“We need to get supplies first when we are there, and then gut the interior.” Mary has transformed back her usual two-legged self.

“Good point”, Jane concedes. “We can remove the catalytic converter and exhaust mufflers now. The turbo should keep the car quiet enough not to warrant unwanted attention on our way. Stock gearbox and brakes should be fine. The SX’s stock aero kit is basically only for show, but useless at that track anyway, so I’ll leave it alone.”

“Any tricks up your sleeve?” wonders Mike.

"I can still tinker a bit with the turbo. Have to keep an eye on the performance limit though, especially with all the car’s future weight loss. Removing the heavy stuff from the rear parts of the car, seats and all, should shift the weight balance forward… which should help as well to improve lap times. Also there are a few things I can manually adjust with the suspension to hopefully improve its performance on track while not making totally undrivable on our way there. "

“And I’ll have a think about our livery for this year…” Mary says, takes her laptop out of her bag and opens up a graphic design app.

[06DPA]

Don’t really understand how to format, so here is the RP document: Untitled document - Google Docs

[MrdjaNikolen]

Team Chitco
Part 0: The preparations

Forming a team

What was witnessed were these pictures:
2005 VerBanka Cauchy with 2.0 turbocharged economy-oriented engine

However solution was found

Team and car entered

First we start with car.
2005 VerBanka Cauchy with 2.0 turbocharged economy-oriented engine. This engine can develop around 140hp and if we are not mistaken has double that figure in torque. Its efficient and reliable while still delivering solid pace

---

---

As for team using the car:
Drivers

1. Pedro Broodnik
   Probably in his 30s or 40s. Unspecified job, unless you consider fathering many children as job and has experience driving minivan with trailer. He shall be seen as having rather normal build: he has neither muscles or fat in abundance but he DOES have them

2. King Edward
   Has VERY misleading appearance due to extensive bodylift (i do not dare to say facelift here as it applies to whole body) several years ago: looks like he is as old as Pedro noted above but is actually in his 70s.
   Title is not misleading as he is indeed a king of kingdom that is not placed on Earth; this is likely both all info reader may need and all info i may actually have.
   Actually…i may be wrong on that, as the fact Edward personally needs to chase down certain duo of car thieves that have habit of stealing his cars likely will explain most of his known driving experience (and likely incompetence of his security).
   These chases can be seen as kinda comedic, unless you are unlucky chap whose fruit stand was just run over by either thieves or Edward during said chase.
   Unlike his late wife Leopolda (back then common girl that attracted his attention while he was still prince) Edward is not corrupted with titles and power and is likely to bring fact he is King only if someone specifically asks about his job or life.

---

Below are sole bearers of their roles
Medic (i guess)

3. Sora
   She is…intended to appear for story development reasons and not for reasons of being helpful.
   That being said she is likely to be one of best choices in case someone gets hurt: one could note that Holjes is certainly not hospital by any means, but im sure her vast experience as retired nurse would account for something even in those conditions.
   Sora is of weaker build and it probably does not help she is also in her 70s like Edward

Cook (i guess)

4. Andrea Chitco / Andrea VerBanka / Andrea Chicota
   She is noted for being many things including leading the company that made car entered in competition and was one that actually found the car in question. Also is based on VerBanka that has appeared in SR2022 and Andrea herself had participated in SR2023
   She had also worked as cook, so she is likely to be the one to make food for rest of team

Mechanic

5. Mihajlina Daniloski / Mihajlina Chitco
   She is of similar build as Andrea noted above but is not based on VerBanka. Unlike Andrea, this girl is blessed with head that is tad bit bigger than expected considering rest of body. Having male face completes the look.
   She is managing Daniloski company and is somewhat bitter about the fact that car team enters is not Daniloski (disregard the fact both companies are in same corporation; hence this ultimatively does not matter) and, as such, is going to be on lookout for something that may be comparable to Daniloski lineup on grid so she can give Andrea some bath with icy water (bucket of some sort may get involved)

---

Muscle of the team avaiable in case some heavier stuff would need to be dealt with

6. Renata Evo Chitco/ Renata Daniloski
   Along with similarly-sized and looking Andrea mentioned above, this girl punches noticeably above her weight class strength-wise: both being stronger than any other member mentioned so far. Unlike Andrea, this one is neither based on VerBanka or being particularly useful for any other reason but dealing with heavy stuff.
   Could be good sparing partner if someone decides that brushing off their martial arts skills besides racetrack is great idea: she knows karate decently well

7. Smurle Chitco
   He is likely going to be man of few words and noticeable size: being 1.9m tall and having 100kg makes that happen. He was intended to match Daniloski (guy who created Renata Evo and Mihajlina) in physical strength and he manages to do so well: easily being in top 3 strongest members of this team. Being such a niche character does mean he isnt noted for anything else

Express travel to Sweden

Both Cauchy and tow vehicle (in this case 2010 Bricksley Highwayman; designed and engineered by Madrias) were filled with food, drinks, tools and some spare parts and with that journey began in earnest, spanning over 2400 km (1491.6 miles) starting from Bosnia to Sweden, spanning likes of Croatia, Slovenia, Austrija, Germany and Denmark along the way.

Some may wonder how Highwayman looks like.
It’s not particularly beautiful vehicle, but seats enough people (and remaining seating place was occupied by snacks) has V6 powering front wheels (as it’s expected of modern-design US vans of this period) and is blessed with automatic transmission.

As it turns out there were more than 6 members of group and vehicle needs to tow, this was rather immideate choice.
Having approximately 1.5 times of both power and torque of towed vehicle, it certainly seemed like good choice.

Bosnia was chosen because it has flat, wide patch of road near village of interest to some members of group (and yours truly): four-lane wide, 2 km long ex-runway (2 kilometers are 1.25 miles). Nowadays it’s used as regular road, meaning only half of it’s width is actually regularly used

Rests during the trip were rather minimal and it’s just unrelentless progress forward to make it on time: trip is noted to take about 30h of just driving, however.

[Sealboi]

aight first time doing this so i prolly messed up somewhere

Team RCKET

The people:

A group of highschool friends

“Mechanic” Anders Andersson

Age: 26

DOB: 16th of June, 1997

POB: Malmö, Sweden

Likes:

Dislikes: 10mm sockets, fixing modern cars, social media

Place in team: Picking, building and fixing the Marvel of Swedish Engineering™, He drives (slower than Karl)

“Engineer” Peter Peterson

Age: 27

DOB: January 21st, 1996

POB: Tyringe, Sweden

Likes: Anything Swedish

Dislikes: Solidworks

Place in team: Designing solutions to make the Marvel of Swedish Engineering™ a “safe” and not horrible race car, helping build the Marvel of Swedish Engineering™, race strategy

“Racist” Karl Karlson

Age: 28

DOB: April 20th, 1995

POB: Bjärshög, Sweden

Likes: Driving, RWD cars, Ryan Gosling movies.

Dislikes: Slow cars, Peugeots, Cheese pizza

Place in team: He drives (and sometimes helps fix the Marvel of Swedish Engineering™)

“Malmö enthusiast” Mohammad Mohammadson

Age: 28

DOB: May 12th, 1995

POB: Mashhad, Iran

Likes: Banana on pizza

Dislikes: Taxes

Place in team: Team boss, He also drives (if necessary)

The shitbox:

The Hamocars DB-R aka “Bricklet” (from the less-than-aerodynamic shape of the body) is a Marvel of Swedish Engineering™.

This particular example was manufactured in 1986 in Göteborg, a bit rusty around the edges due to almost 40 years of constant use around cities. Powered by a quite torquey 2.4 liter I4 that’s seen it’s best years, though it’s still running (somewhat) strong.

The car is known for its excellent safety, reliability and being turned into “tractors” by 16 year olds.

Once owned by an older gentleman, who did 283,406km in the 37 years he owned the car, it is now ready to race and put its famed sturdiness to the test.

(lore & car done together with a certain Smons)

[Knugcab]

OK.

24h warning (no pun intended) should have been done a long time ago.

Not going to deep into things, but to put it this way, things happened in the last few days and my life is a mixture of deep shit and better than ever. Hence, I don’t really have the time to look through who has sent things in - you have to keep track of that yourself now, I hope that is OK.

Also, it means that you will have SOME leeway with team presentations etc. - I still want the car files submitted in time, but if you’re some hours late with your presentations - eh, who cares, I will need some time before I can start on this unfortunately.

This doesn’t mean the end of this challenge and probably not extreme delays either, especially not when it have taken off - I just got a little bit more on my hands than planned, for the better and for the worse. Just see it as lots of time for pre-race RP.

[Happyhungryhippo]

05.01.2024, 11:48 AM

ARE WE ALREAD THE-ERE??

Argh crap, I should have ordered this car with an ejection seat. But yes, FINALLY we made it. How about saying thank you to your daddy who drove all day and night? Here it is. We are late, crap.

Seems it hasn´t started yet, Mr. Nilfert.

Oh Jan, you don´t say? Yeah, true, maybe the orga team has been held up or so. Let´s find a place to park. And I need to change the spark plugs, the Advance didn´t run like it should. I told Chantal like a 100 times how to do it. And guess what? The parts I bought her are still unopened in the glovebox.

Mr. Nilfert, all these cars have their interior stripped.

Yep, Jan, thats what we will also do now as we have time left. WE ALL, YOU HEARD THAT, CHANTAL JOLINA NILFERT???

three hours later

You see, Jan, this is why I did not bring camping stools, we now have some car seats left to use. Now the spark plugs. Can you tell me how you see that these are worn?

Actually, no, sir.

You are working at a nursing home so I`ll let that slide. I bet I will be soon needing your knowledge. Chantal, can you tell me? Eeeeh! Where is she? She was there some minutes ago? Jan, where is my useless daughter?

Well, Mr. Nilfert, when you had your swearing monologue, she told me that she wants to make a TikTok video with an elk.

(dropping tools) You´re kidding me?

Eh, I wish I would, but just look over there…

AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH WHY DID I AGREE TO TAKE PART IN THIS CIRCUS???

[Djadania]

The following post and entry are by ChatGPT. Team GreenSpeed Racing hopes to be accepted as a 2nd entry made entirely by ChatGPT.

Once upon a time in the quirky world of automotive oddities, there lived an eccentric engineer named Dr. Ignatius Greenthrottle. Dr. Greenthrottle, renowned for his peculiar taste in color and a penchant for speed, embarked on a wild mission to create the ultimate racing machine.

His creation, the “Velocity GreenRacer,” was a fusion of unconventional styling and unbridled horsepower. The car, painted in a shade of green that could make a leprechaun blush, became an instant sensation in the racing underworld.

Enter our trio of fearless racers – Alex “Speedster” Rodriguez, known for breaking the sound barrier on tricycles as a kid; Emily “TrackBlazer” Thompson, whose first words were reportedly “vroom-vroom”; and Marcus “ApexMaster” Walker, a former go-kart champion turned professional cheese sculptor.

The three drivers, each possessing a unique skill set and a shared love for all things absurd, found themselves drawn to the GreenSpeed Racing team. Driven by a mutual appreciation for the ludicrous, they formed an alliance to tackle the 24-hour Höljes track – a task deemed impossible by the saner members of the racing community.

Their preparation for the race involved a rigorous training regimen of competitive pancake flipping, synchronized dance routines, and perfecting the art of speaking in rhyming couplets. The team’s pit crew, known as the “Lugnut Lunatics,” were recruited from a local circus, ensuring that tire changes would include acrobatics and juggling.

As the Velocity GreenRacer rolled onto the track, spectators were left speechless, partly due to the blinding shade of green and partly due to the car’s unconventional aerodynamics, inspired by a paper airplane design from Dr. Greenthrottle’s childhood.

The race unfolded with a series of comical mishaps, including a seagull stealing one of the Lugnut Lunatics’ juggling balls, Marcus attempting to sculpt a cheese masterpiece during a pit stop, and Emily challenging the race commentator to a breakdance duel.

Despite the laughter and chaos, the GreenSpeed Racing team demonstrated remarkable resilience and skill, navigating the twists and turns of the Höljes track with surprising precision. The Velocity GreenRacer, adorned with its flamboyant green hue, zoomed across the track, leaving a trail of absurdity in its wake.

And so, the legend of GreenSpeed Racing continued, with their peculiar antics and unorthodox approach making them a beloved fixture in the world of racing. As for Dr. Ignatius Greenthrottle, he retired to a tropical island, where he spent his days perfecting the art of coconut racing and dreaming of even greener pastures.

24h_-ChatGPT-_Velocity_GreenRacer.car|attachment (38.0 KB)

[Djadania]

Oh yeah, if allowed, can ChatGPT have number 77?

[Mythrin]

TEAM BAKEWELL BAGUETTE

Part 0 : Give Me a Break

---

Connor and Mandy pull into a side turn just off of a motorway truckstop

Mandy: ''So this is where J said to meet him? ‘’ Mandy said opening the door of their rental Salon Amigo.

Connor: ‘‘Supposedly so, look he’s sharing his location with me live’’ Connor spun his phone around to Mandy’s view

Mandy: ''I can’t believe we’re doing this again, it’s been three years since the last one, and we finished last!"

Connor: ‘‘Second to last actually’’

Mandy: ‘‘Whatever it was still a poor bloody performance, I’d never thought 24 hours could take so long’’ Mandy ushered at Connor who was staring at Johnny’s blip on the map ‘‘and besides, I still can’t believe that we let Johnny pick the car again, that J.E.S.A was a dog egg wrapped in blue paint’’

Connor: ‘‘yes I know…’’ he said still staring at his phone

Johhny approached from around the bend of the road gesticulating towards a jauntily parked estate car

Mandy: ‘‘Oh for fucks sake’’

Connor: ‘‘My grandad used to have one of those I sure of it’’

Mandy: ‘‘Connor… it’s bright blue and from the 70’s again isn’t it’’ Mandy stared at the car in a blended state of laughter, exasperation and bewilderment

Connor: ‘‘Wait it’s not the same car again is it?’’

Mandy turned to her friend

Mandy: ‘‘No it isn’t, but it’s the same type of car… obscure, European family car that looks rough as 100-grit’’

Mandy and Connor began walking quickly towards the vehicle

Johnny: “Right before you two start shouting at me” Johnny said frantically skipping infront of his approachers ‘‘It’s actually suprisingly solid underneath and it goes very well’’

Mandy: ‘‘Johnny, if this has got the fourteen-hundred engine… I’m going to skin you’’ she brandished her fist in a semi-humorous way

---

THE CAR

Ferdon 318 GTS - Break 5 Vitesse

The car itself is a 1980 Ferdon 318 estate or break as the french called it. The 318 was a strong car in its day and was a dependable family car. This particular model is a GTS…

---

Mandy: ‘‘Why does it say GTL on the boot John’’ Mandy said scornfully

Johnny: ‘‘It’s actually a GTS it just got a replacement boot lid and door … it’s even the high output model with 92 alledged horsepower’’

Connor: ‘‘What’s that on the grille?’’

Johnny: ‘‘Period correct cold-climate wind shroud that is’’ he said smuggly banging the bonnet of the car, as a mass of brown rusty dust fell from the undertray

Mandy: ‘‘Christ almighty…’’

---

… as I was saying, the GTS model, and particularly the GTS models made from 1980-1983 had 92hp from their 1657cc OHV inline 4’s. The engine was particularly refined for the age and sent power longitudinally to the front wheels, through as noted, via a 5 speed transmission.

Johnny had purchased this 318 from a French car garagiste and salvager named Gunter who had been using the car daily as a yard workhorse, ferrying parts around and towing trailers. Johnny had been assured that while this car had been abused the little Ferdon had been fastidiously maintained and preserved to the highest standard (see below).

Summary of Cars Condition

Regardless of whether Johnny had assumed the car was in good condition, it was not in the tidiest of states. Apart from the visual rust and body panel damage the Ferdon was starting to show signs of it’s age and years of usage. The blue velour interior was largely torn, scuffed, damaged and stained and despite the high-tide mark of sprayed on tar up the side of the car, deep rooted rust within the door sills was starting to burst through.

Replacement boot, rear seats, LH rear door from a red 318 GTL

Bent, twisted bumpers and wing panels

Smashed headlight

Slightly blowing exhaust

Trouble hot starting, though the engine is pulling strongly

Engine fan seems to come on quickly once car is stationary

CB radio fitted

Rust holes appearing on the chassis and bubbling under the new paint

Body panels, though original and steel were starting to rust and paint was beginning to thin and crack with age and extreme temperature.

Cheap make PhuKing Chinese tyres on all four rusted wheels

Window rubbers going damp and mossy

Maintenance manual and booby magazine left in glove box.

Now fitted with racing numbers.

---

The Team Members

Mandy Carter - 27 years old : Mandy was born with petrol in her blood her parents married after a successful showing in some mythical 90s trans-European street race. Having mostly recovered from a poor showing at the 2020 TrafikJournalen24HR. and after having taken a step back from the crazy racing post Covid she has now been dragged on by Johnny to Sweden for the 2023 TrafikJournalen 24HR race again to hopefully regain some of the spark she lost.

Connor Johnson - 28 years old : Connor has been a life long childhood friend of Mandy, he’s now quit his awful teaching job to run accounts for the track driving school that Johhny and Mandy set up with the inheritance left to them by their grandmother. Connor isn’t really a driver but has come to appreciate the metal that has transported him his whole life, and has become even more handy at the wheel since particularly since America.

Johnny Carter - 25 years old : Johnny is Mandy’s younger kid brother, he’s a bit of an excitable idiot but he’s taken on a more mature streak since the last 24HR race, and has brushed up on his mechanical sympathy and knowledge. While being more level headed in the past years, Johnny doesn’t always make the right decision… this one, well, we’ll have to wait and see.

---

[Knugcab]

OK, in case anyone is wondering…

Yes, I allowed Djadania (after some doubt) to enter a second entry ran by Chat GPT, just because it could be an interesting thing to check out how hilariously bad it will become. I hope you all can see it as more of an experiment than something else. In case it (what a horrible thought) wins, the winner won’t be Djadania, but Chat GPT. I know it might be controversial, but well, it will probably mostly be for shits and giggles anyway knowing how worthless Chat GPT seems to be at Automation. I guess it will give him more of a headache than anything, too.

[Texaslav]

Team #66: The Comedians’ Clique

Synopsis (too sleepy for a proper chapter, will do one later)

Five close, US-based friends in the comedy business are on an informal holiday getaway in Europe, having previously worked the continent during and following the Oktoberfest season. After finishing up with mountain skiing somewhere in Finland, they enter the Clunker challenge as a “fuck it, why not” thing.

Melvin "Mel" Banks

The founder of the feast, Mel, is a gentle giant, standing at a staggering 7 foot tall. Prior to settling as a comedy guy, he’s been everything from a carpenter to a columnist to a soldier, with his excuse for jumping careers usually being “didn’t feel like it anymore” or “got told I could make more somewhere else”. This has led to Mel accumulating countless stories from the many places he’s been to incorporate into his comedy.

Now a successful performer known for his effortless delivery and a nonchalance that is comical in and of itself, Mel - now in his mid-30s - has slowed down and even found love. To him, the whole Europe thing is the last thing he does in the company of his Clique, resolving to put family first thereafter. He’ll be on pit duty, because his frame enables him to haul shit easily.

James "Jim" Wall

Also known as “Brick Wall” due to how he basically becomes deaf when drunk. The only member of the friend group who’s older than Mel - by a year - but not nearly as settled-down and fatherly. A known party animal, which is where most of his material comes from, and very well-tenured in comparison to the others.

Sometimes, one might get the idea that Jim has stories that he isn’t willing to tell. They are probably dark and heartbreaking He’ll be driving… If they can keep him clean long enough.

Michael "Mike" Hansen

One of the younger guys in the group; an obvious rising star, he not only has wild shit to say but also plays a great roguish character that makes him easy to like. Hopeless womanizer. Kind of co-founded the group with Mel, and would have gone flat nowhere without him due to being terrible at managing himself and his funds.

Mike has a known mean side, being verrry far from nice to people who don’t easily mesh with him, and is quick to a fight even if he can’t be sure of finishing it. He’ll be driving… Try not to “not mesh” with him.

John "Jack" Hunter

Lop a foot o’height and a decade o’age off Mel, add better work ethic, and you get Jack. New to this whole comedy thing, he’s gotten a boost by befriending the Clique and thus being able to run outreach like someone more established. Far from a pure bias baby, though, Jack is an excellent comedian, with a particular aptitude for impersonations.

The only member of the group who doesn’t party hard at all, being an avowed non-drinker. This also fuels a somewhat ‘snobby’ on-stage persona. He’ll be managing race prep and helping Mel out in the pit.

Shane "Kid" Whitmer

If Jack’s a mini-Mel, Shane is a mini-Jim. Rowdy, outgoing almost to the point of aggression and naturally talented at his craft, this kid is a plane crash in slow motion. It’s been suggested he’s mainly in the group because of his extreme-lightweight antics; it’s also been suggested that him sober and drunk on stage are totally different experiences, though both are equally enjoyable.

Will be driving, oh God help us all.

---

This is a 1993 Arlington Antares, a front-drive American midsize with a torquey V6. Far from in pristine condition. Due to its “one headlight stuck shut, the other ripped open” situation, the Clique has decided on a very compassionate, level-headed, mature name: The One-Eyed Monster.

[Elizipeazie]

Need a collab with Mel xD

another resident giant in the pit lane is reason enough

[MoteurMourmin]

Team #88: The Wannabe Streetracers

Synopsis

Just recently out of high school and armed with a lack of foresight and a 1985 Hikaru Katana BCT V5, they set their sights on the world wide web, looking for a possible blazing start for their streetracing careers. And there it was, like a beacon in the distance, the 24 Hours of Clunkers. They already had a shoddy old car, already mostly rusted away from its life in their seaside town, and all that they’d need to do would be modify it for the race.

The Drivers

(Using Japanese naming order - last name, first name)

Aisaka Yusaku - Yusakun

AGE - 18

Gifted with the dichotomy of an incredibly strange facial construction that leads him to constantly look like he’s about to commit heinous felonies and a surprisingly kind personality, Aisaka acts as the wild card of the group. A valuable asset in intimidation, Aisaka also possessses a uniquely strong ability to judge where corners are before they’re in sight. Whether that’s just him researching, we don’t know. The third most skilled driver.

Aoyama Misaki - Misa

AGE - 19

With a fiery personality and an even more aggressive style of driving, Misa takes no prisoners on or off of the course. Known as the Warhead of Iwate during Senior High, she took that fearsome reputation and brought it to the road, with her dangerous driving. As the second most skilled driver of the group, she normally is brought out when the stakes are high and taking risks is worth it to edge out a victory.

Tanabe Shinichirou - Shin-cchi

AGE - 19

Although he bears the least negative personality traits of the group, that isn’t where he shines. As the son of the infamous streetracer, Tanabe Aiko, who tore up the roads in Japan in the 90s, he was drstined to inherit his mother’s winning formula for racing. Known for being highly calculating and almost worryingly quiet, he is what you’d call a very precise driver. No action is taken without its merits and drawbacks being taken into account. With this in mind, he was able to gain fearsome skill, and become the number one driver of his group. He is also insecure about his overly large eyebrows and loves tea.

And the car:

A pre-trashed model.

The 1985 Hikaru Katana BCT V5, in remarkable condition on the surface, but bearing the ugky chassis of a car with no environmental resistance. Front wheel drive with sub-120HP and weighing in at around 800KGs, ut can throw itself around, but will the chassis take it? Probsbly not, but you’ll have to find out! Nickname: The White Comet of Iwate.

[Danicoptero]

#12 Team Let’s Get This Bread

---

The Car

A third gen Tarquini Freccia, one of the vans ever. Made in 1993, it came stock with a 1.3L I4 making a nice 69hp. The engine has been upgraded to make 83hp, and some weight has been taken out.

For almost 15 years, this van was used as a work vehicle for a bakery. However, it has seen very little use in the last 5 years, and it even had the catalytic converter and the mufflers stolen at some point during this time.

It isn’t fast or nice to drive, but at least it’s cheap and has proven to be reliable over the years.

---

The Team

Antonio Hernández “El Abuelo” (65 y.o.):
A small but strong man. For most of his life, Antonio worked as a baker, but now that he has retired he wants to try things he never had the time for before. Dusting off his old work van, he’s taking the family to Sweden to enjoy some shitbox racing.

Juán Hernández “El Padre” (42 y.o.):
Antonio’s son and the current owner of the bakery. Juán grew up watching Carlos Sainz and Fernando Alonso, and dreamt of being a race driver and owning a Celica GT-Four. He never got his Celica, but thanks to his father, he now has the chance to acomplish one of his dreams, even if it’s on a shitty old van.

Elena Hernández “La Hija” (18 y.o.):
Antonio’s granddaughter. She’s a mechanical engineering student and the one that pitched the idea of taking part in this race to her granpa. Elena is part of her university’s Formula Student team, so she has some experience working with race cars. She also learned how to drive on the old Freccia, but she never really pushed it, so she’s not sure of how the shitbox will behave during the race.

[SheikhMansour]

THE SPY KIDS

It’s the Trafikjournalen 24 hour race, take two!

The Drivers

Jessica Lombaerts

Age: 19

Appearance: 170cm tall, dirty blonde/brunette hair, dresses exclusively for the beach, skate park, or nightclub.

Description: Half-Dutch, half mad. Her main job is to drive fast, and her car collection reflects that. Her other job is to smoke enough weed to asphyxiate an entire country, and as a result half of the colour and texture in her hair is actually hashish. Is also a hip hop dancer.

Vehicles: BMW M3 (E92), Suzuki Hayabusa, Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio, Pagani Zonda F Clubsport

Shay Hirvonen

Age: 18

Appearance: 160cm, blonde hair, wears cottage-core outfits, winter sweaters, or androgynous clothes.

Description: Soft and cuddly on the outside, sharp and devious on the inside. Is better with her hands than anyone else on the team, and probably anyone else this side of the Olympics. When she’s not in soft-core mode, she will step on you, and you will like it. Can also shoot better than Alexis despite not being a committed militant.

Cars: Jaguar E-Type, Mercedes-Maybach S650 (with upgrades), VW Kombi (with upgrades), Bugatti Chiron

Lazar Kandyba

Age: 25

Appearance: 167cm, black hair, black beard, 80% normal clothes, 20% Soviet wear and Slav Squat tracksuits.

Description: Ukrainian, Khrushchevist, anti Stalin, anti modern Russia. Much vodka consumption, almost as much sunflower seed consumption. Switched from tobacco to cannabis to alleviate lung problems actually caused by living in Donetsk. Can haggle his way out of a Rolls-Royce dealership. Knows Krav Maga, Muay Thai, and AK47.

Cars (all upgraded): Lada Niva, Nissan Stagea, Mitsubishi Evo VIII, Volvo 850

Petra Kennedy

Age: 17

Appearance: 155cm, blonde, half cottagecore, half band shirts

Description: You think Jessica’s mad? Petra is the closest thing you will find to a mad scientist this side of an interdimensional portal. She is a pyromaniac, complete with a collection of explosives and various other flammable items, and once blew up several rooms of her school. As such, she is on several lists. She also has an entire room dedicated to Minecraft merchandise, and can shoot a target as well as Shay, which serves her well when she does her, ahem, pest control job.

Car: VW ID3 Pro S

Shay’s Teenage Pit Crew

Lauren Darabay

Age: 19

Appearance: 163cm, dark brown hair, dresses like an architect

Description: The bad cop to Shay’s good cop, she has no softcore mode and will just step on you. Resident piano player and yerba mate addict. (No, that one doesn’t have cocaine.) Is banned from eleven countries for political reasons, and will also not set foot in Northern Arkansas.

Megumi Tetsuya

Age: 17

Appearance: 155cm, Japanese-Canadian, sometimes looks like a painter, sometimes like a fashionista, always like she should be in Paris.

Description: What you see is largely what you get. Basically the one normal person in Spy Kids garage. Would’ve used the car as an art canvas, but the panels were too rusty to repaint the car.*

Lazar’s Muscle

Giorgi Ingorokva

Age: 23

Appearance: 191cm, green hair, boiler suits or designer fashion

Description: Amateur rugby player, professional flaming homosexual, wannabe rockstar. Runs a garage in Liverpool and a clothing store next door, though his residence is of uncertain legality. Played three matches for London Scottish.

The car

It’s another Rosewood! This time, however, it’s a Vicugna instead of a Bovinus. It has a viscous all wheel drive system (that doesn’t work), viscous differentials (that don’t work), severe underbody rust, and a fuel injection system that metres fuel by horoscope instead of a fuel map. Lazar’s also bolted a skidplate to the bottom because the cladding fell off. The 4.3L flat six theoretically produces 201 bhp, but that’s probably closer to 150 now. Still, the Bovinus was heavier and had a solid rear axle so this should at least be easier to drive.