Agreed, though I will add the 8th and 9th gen sedan lost a lot of douche. I’ve sat in both and they are positively geriatric. that said, they still get modded on occasion.
I also did not include the type R in this. Previous Type R’s were, with their 9000rpm redline and VTEC just kicked in yo and triangular fake exhaust outlets, hilariously douche. The current Type R is altogether a different kind of douche.
I used to own a 1994 Taurus SHO, in the exact Moonlight Blue that’s pictured above. I’m inclined to agree with your rating of 2/10. Reason being, the type of person who buys a car like this is telling the world they have nothing to prove. They like to drive fast and be discreet about it. It’s more “grown up” than a Mustang GT or even the Contour SVT. There’s a certain level of maturity required for a car like the Taurus SHO to be appealing. And for that reason, I seriously doubt you’d find a d-bag driving one.
My Accord on the other hand… 
/runs away
True, but the geriatric feel of them only adds to the douchebaggery effect. They no longer have “performance”, but their owners still fawn over them as though they are the epic budget F&F beast. Around here, they ALL have giant fart cans attached to them, sit as low as they can get without coilovers, and try to race you at every stoplight.
That explains all the pictures I see on Google search. You simply don’t see that in Australia anymore.
I do wish my Civic had a lot more poke. It IS great fun on a touge and the chassis is actually competent.
So, what about my car, 2000 Toyota Altezza.
honestly, to me, its a deffo 7/10 on the Douche Metre, and I own one.
(I don’t have any photos on my PC, so 
)
Reason is, you just get instantly labeled as a bogan or boy racer if you have one. Most do, and most of those are modified badly. just thought I’d give my 2c
Good lord, that thing otherwise known as an IS300…
100% douche, sorry. Giving that more than 7, more like 9.5. Only saving grace is that I happen to know ONE person who owns this who isn’t a total douche.
Honestly, i give it a 5/10 because they really are nice good looking cars, but alot of ricer stance nation twats get ahold of them and ruin them.
Surprised that no-one has mentioned the Vauxhall/Opel Corsa.
Most of the poor things near me are 1.2L poverty spec with fart cans and badly fitted and coloured body kits.
Yep they are a plague, 10/10 on the douche meter, I know someone with a Corsa C 1.0 with a fart can and tacky alloy wheels
I’ve gotta give the IS300 about a 8/10 on a Douche scale, always weaving through traffic, and just as bad as BMW’s when it comes to turn signals.
Volkswagen Beetle/Super Beetle.
(not my photo)
Designed and intended to be the peoples car, the original Volkswagen’s were very affordable, and for the most part, very reliable vehicles. In there advanced age these vehicles now occupy several levels of the Douche scale at the same time, so simply assigning them one rating feels like a fools errand. So allow me the chance to break it down.
The ‘Tuner’: 8/10 These are the kids that treat a VW like a Tuner, loud pipes with no substantial engine work, they cut the springs to lower it, add body effects and in general do nothing well with the car. Come the first summer they weed themselves out by over heating the poor thing, or giving up due to lack of A/C
The Full Restoration: 5/10 Douche: This is the guy who has to have only OEM Volkswagen parts, and only referrers to the vehicle by chassis number. The paint is real, and the concept of the ‘cheep’ car has completely escaped this person. So complete is the restoration that likely they will refuse to modernize parts (that would otherwise be hidden) simply because “That’s not how it was done back in the day” The love for the vehicle is real, but the person may otherwise be an ass. These are the people who do 55mph on the freeway.
The ‘California’ Cruiser: 3/10 Douche: This is different from the restoration job because this is about style, generally the car looks good, and the person who drives it is normally a nice fellow. They are happy to share whatever they know and don’t cause a fuss. The engines are brought up in power normally and they stay out of the way of daily traffic. Though the owners can be attention grabbers, and there is a 50/50 chance that this bug will be way louder then it ought to be.
The Daily Driver/Original Owner: 2/10 Douche: This category is the people who bought the car originally, or use the car as their daily transportation, they may look well cared for, or have faded paint, but they generally run well, and are quiet. More often then not people who still daily these have modified them in such a way that they can achieve freeway speeds (I was in this category for a few years). The ones who leave the car all original are the reason this ticks in at 2/10 as they are in the way on the road, and get angry at autoparts workers when they don’t know what a 009 distributor is.
The Class Racer (pictured): 1/10 Douche: The 1500cc Bug class in dirt racing is full of some of the most humble people, the cars are dedicated race vehicles, so you never have to worry about them on the road, the whole group is helpful I’ve heard many-a-story of racers stopping to help another who has flipped or crashed in this group. The cars consist of more safety equipment then anything else and the rules of the event normally weeds out the Douche’s.
Those people who really love their old cars and want to keep them original I wouldn’t call a douche. You rarely see them driving their cars, and if so, mostly off the main traffic routes, on sundays when there’s nice weather.
So, maybe 1/10 to them.
There is however some other douches holding up traffic …
It’s those cars (Opel Zafira, VW Sharan) with some “Baby on Board”-Stickers and/or christian fish symbol on the back that drive about one third slower than speed limit.
Douche Level 7/10. (if said criteria applies, if you take just the car it’s maybe a 3/10)
Edit: I forgot something …
Holding up traffic level over 9000!
At least they could make way every now and then if theres 10+ cars queing up behind them … Douche level 9/10
Sounds like Opels in general are getting a righteous drubbing on the Douche Meter. Are there any Opel vehicles that aren’t total douche magnets???
On @Lordred 's point about fastidious restorations… I wonder if that would affect the douche score of any other classic or collectible. Or not-even-that-collectible, for that matter.
Let’s say, for example… this:
I find it difficult to imagine there is much douche in the older MX-5s (NA, NB). I’d actually score the NC higher simply because I disapprove of its bloatedness in favour of a freaking CD player or whatever. But of course, it still is a sports car. But it’s a pretty unpretentious one at that. And their owners tend to actually be the good kind of car people. But some of them do really insist on keeping all the parts stock (and paying for it, when they keep falling apart now that the cars are like 20+ years old).
…still find it hard to give a car like this, in its unmodified form, more than a 1/10. What we do with the turbo MX5s, well. Your call people!
What better way to start off than with my own junk?
Re: The Douche Meter
Except for the fact that it is actually a fairly popular rice and slam item.
Which merely means that there is a “high douche range” on this model. In Australia, IIRC, this model faded out in favour of the almost equivalent but larger family sedan, the Magna. It was a pretty unassuming family sedan which shared the usual strengths and weaknesses of its class back in the day, including fairly subpar dynamics, the only thing that really stood out was that the V6 had a surprising amount of torque (>300Nm in the '98 model), so it was quite the sleeper at the traffic light drag. This also made it popular with the Police, and quite a few ended up being used as unmarked officer vehicles (almost invariably dark green).
But of course when it came to resale time, the market moved on and it suffered terribly. Thus they tended to fall into the hands of young hoons. And that’s when the shenanigans started.
I’m putting my butt on the line. Not my picture, but basically my car, down to the color. 2005 Hyundai Elantra GT 5-door.
I’d give it a 2/10.
-GT Badge on a slow car.
-Red, even though it’s the darker of two shades for the model year.
Thankfully, I don’t think I’ve seen any modified, so I’m not sure there’s any aftermarket parts for it. I’m also sure and certain I’ve seen lots of these things around, so they’re common. Just the red sticks out like a sore thumb.
Don’t think many aftermarket companies touch Hyundais. That’s probably why.
It’s extremely hard to find an Opel that isn’t maximum douche, but apart from commercial vans there are three standouts from the recent years that strike me as less douche than others, and they might surprise someone from down under.
One of them is the OG Meriva, but I suppose that thing is so awful that not even a true douche would touch them with a pokey stick. Of course many young douches still get suckered into driving them when the geriatric first owner inevitably passes them onto their genetic offspring. 4/10
On the other hand, there are the last of the European V-Bodys, the Senator and Omega B. In the end, Omegas tended to be exclusively driven by old people that only bought Opel since the 1950s, or people who needed something large that wasn’t too expensive. Not even the budget drifter crowd seems to be interested in them. Part of that might be because of the distinct lack of exciting versions compared to its predecessor. No 3000i 24V with wings, not DTM homologation special Evo 500 with even bigger wings and sure as hell no twin-turbo Lotus variant. Nope, just an iron block V6 with a four-speed automatic. 2/10
The Senator is slightly more popular with the modifiying crowd, but usually the sensible slight-lowering-and-some-wheels type of tuner. Once again, more geriatric than douche, but at least it had the decency to be available with a DOHC 4.0L stroker straight six paired exclusively to a 5MT. 3.5/10
Ill put my ass on the line 2
I give it 3/10 alot of kids put dumbass lift kits on them or lower them becuase this generation of truck is cheap.
Not my truck but almost identical
This nicely brings us to the question of utility vehicles, cab and flatbeds and the like. They have a unique position in Australia, because tradies are almost exclusively a) male b) rather blokey c) at least in Australia, Caucasian (only significant for something I’m going to say later). In addition since it’s a work vehicle, it’s tax deductible, hence there is a rather significant market for the performance Ute. It’s so relevant that this type of vehicle props up a good portion of the Ford and Holden performance arms… and why Holden saw fit to throw their Ute around the Ring in 2014.
Unfortunately, buyers include a lot of wannabes that love burnouts, drink driving and, as mentioned, lowering and changing the wheels. Stay well clear of any Ute running 21" mags on the front and threadbare steelies on the rear. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to see the majestic dance of a Ute piloted by a drunk bogan up a suburban street, that traditionally starts with a lot of smoke, proceeds in an erratic sideways motion, and ends with a telegraph pole (or another car, for a change of pace).
That kind of douchebag gives the rest of the tradies a bad name, therefore, any “performance” Ute automatically scores at least 5 points despite legitimate reasons of convenience and recreation. As for the more typical US trucks, they are literally too large for our roads, so if you own one in Australia, unless you live at least 20km away from your nearest neighbour, you’re a douchebag.
ಠ_ಠ
